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bhtooefr wrote:“How about a nice game of chess?”

This is anything but a "nice" game. This is a devastating attacking game by White (Hanako). Since I doubt most of the readers are going to be following along with a board, here are some key positions from the game.

Just prior to 5. Bg5:


Following 10. Qe2+:


Following 13. Nde6+, where Black should see that he's beaten:


Following 14. Ne6+, the second (deadly) knight fork:


From here, after Hisao is forced to dodge the attack on the King, Hanako is able to knock the Black Queen from the edge of the board... with a White Knight.

I'll note that this is based on an actual game (Dunst-Gresser, New York 1950). Gisela Kahn Gresser was at the time a two-time US Women's Chess Champion (and eventually would be a nine-time champion), and that year had become one of the first International Woman Masters (and would later be the first female American master), and I'm pretty sure Dunst was trying to send a message to her, especially given that this was in 1950 in the US. In that case, that message was probably "get back in the kitchen, chess is a man's game".

Clearly, I had to reverse the gender roles here. Similarly, this is Hanako trying to send a message or two to Hisao. This game is also just loaded with white knight symbolism, and as much as Hanako hates it when people are white knights to her, she's got a white knight streak of her own. Sure, Gresser resigned after white move 13 (which is why Hanako commented that he had to know he was beaten), but Hisao's a lot more dense than a chess master, and the transcript on Wikipedia suggested a way to continue in such a way that the black queen would be taken (and when I played through it, it was by a white knight at that), so I couldn't not use that game with that extension.

Wow, I didn't know that it was possible for a professional chess player to lose so quickly...

Loved the chess game in the last chapter, and thanks nekodude, I wouldn't have looked at the game without you posting the scenes. It adds nicely to the story. I might try being more aggressive when I play next. That said 12. Nxc7 should have been spotted easily, I don't think white would have had such a good game without that.

Keep up the good writing.

Something brown and smelly is getting dangerously close to the fan, and Hisao looks far more terrified than I am.

Finally! Hanako's been waiting years for this!

I'm so sorry

I'll admit, I don't have a thing for implausible scenarios or illogical premises. (The plausibility of this scenario is, I think, debatable but also this is Hisao we're talking about here.) And furthermore I think short chapters are kinda cheap. Two wrongs normally don't make a right, but! I'll take exemption in this case since I'm captivated so far, and because you actually update frequently. The plot seems concise and doesn't look like it'll drag, as you mentioned, so I figure this story won't be incomplete for long.

Lovely symbolism on the chess game chapter, by the way, although I think said symbolism would have been stronger had it not been explicitly pointed out at all. (Within the narrative that is, discussion is fine as far as Hemingway himself was concerned)

Bright...

I shut my eyes quickly to stop the assault of the sun's rays. My head feels like it's about to burst, and I feel like I'm sleeping on a recliner.

I slowly open my eyes, and see that the last part, in fact, is true.

Where am I?

Looking further around the room, it looks like a hotel room. Someone's sleeping in the bed... messy blonde hair? Oh, must be Akira. But then... wait, why am I in Akira's hotel room? Nothing happened last night, did it? I check, and find that I'm fully clothed. Besides, I'm sleeping on the recliner. I'm pretty sure if something happened, I'd be in bed with Akira.

I turn my gaze to the TV stand, and notice two bottles. The closer and smaller one is about a third full of brown liquid, and I can just make out the writing on the label as my vision blurs with pain. «Southern Comfort.» Oh. That explains a lot. Well, it explains why I can't remember anything, why I have a splitting headache, and why this wave of nausea just passed over me as I sat up. It doesn't explain why I'm here, in this hotel room, though... last thing I remember is playing chess with...

Oh. OHH.

The realization of last night’s events combines with my hangover to amplify my nausea, and I run to the bathroom. The force of expelling my stomach contents makes my headache feel ten times worse, and it's not long before I'm dry heaving. By the time the nausea subsides, my stomach is in almost as much pain as my head, and I collapse next to the toilet. Only then do I notice that I'm crying tears of pain, shame, and fear, and that apparently some vomit splashed back onto my blouse.

Akira stumbles into the bathroom, bleary-eyed. "Hey, kiddo, you…” As she opens her eyes, she stops herself, and then continues, “holy crap, you look like shit." Before I can respond, she grabs one of the cups, fills it with water, and hands it to me. "Here, drink this, see if you can hold it down." As I do so, I notice just how dry my mouth is. While I'm drinking my water, she steps out, and I hear her rummaging for something. She comes back with a bottle in her hand, and puts a couple pills in my hand. "Aspirin." I wash the pills down with the last of the cup of water, and see that she takes a couple herself.

"You... t-too?"

"Heh... my tolerance may be a lot better than yours, but I definitely hit my own bottle a little too hard last night..." She takes the cup from me, and then refills it and hands it back.

After what feels like hours, but is probably only half an hour, the pain subsides, and I start feeling a little better.

"Think you can hold some food down? I'm gonna order some room service, and I like a good greasy breakfast when I have a hangover. They say it doesn't actually help, but..."

That... that actually doesn't sound like a bad idea. "I... I think so..."

Another few hours, or minutes, later, I hear a knock at the door. "Room service!" Akira answers the door, and I hear her take the plates, and shut the door.

"Hey, Hanako, I closed the curtains, it's not bright in there any more, if you want to come out."

"Um... Akira... I kindathrewuponmyblousealittle, if you d-didn't notice."

"Oh. Um... hang on a second." Moments later, Akira comes back into the bathroom, hands me a red tank top, walks back out, and shuts the bathroom door behind her. Wait, a tank top? She really expects me to wear that? Well… it’s not like I have much choice otherwise...

"Th-thanks. Give me a couple minutes..." I slowly force myself up from the floor. I realize how weak I feel right now, and then my stomach growls. I wash my face, and then change into the tank top. The first thing that I notice is how much of my scars are now on display to the world. Besides, it’s really tight around my chest, and I’m almost popping out of it. This isn't going to work... but my stomach growling again reminds me that there's breakfast waiting for me, so I decide to go out there anyway.

Akira's sitting on the bed, attacking her breakfast like a rabid wolf, and she gestures over to the desk, where the other plate is sitting.

Of course she would order a big American style breakfast. Sausage, bacon, scrambled eggs, and home fries. I decide to start with the bacon, albeit with a bit of trepidation. I take the first bite. Huh, they actually made it crispy enough. Akira looks at me, slightly shocked, and then returns to her own breakfast. "Wh.. what, is the bacon too crispy for you?"

"No, it's just... um... I was afraid you wouldn't like it this crispy. You might have shite taste in booze, but at least we agree on bacon."

“I… I don’t think I want to drink that s-stuff ever again…”

“Very good, young padawan, but much to learn, you still have, yes?”

I groan. “If learning involves more mornings like this…” Akira chuckles at that. Now that my head's clearing, though... "So... now what?" I've broken up with my... whatever he was, and Akira's the only friend I have left. She'll be gone in a few days, once her assignment here is done, and she'll be quite busy anyway.

"Hm?"

"It's just... n-now I'm alone and all."

"Well, for starters, remember what I said yesterday, about Hisao seeing what he's missing. And if he could see you right now..." Her voice drops so I can barely hear it, and her eyes glaze over. "«I can learn to resist... anything but temptation...»"

Is... is she hitting on me? On ME?

At that thought, I feel blood rushing to my cheeks. She soon snaps out of her trance, and looks everywhere in the room but at me. "Hell, to be honest, I'm kinda jealous about how you fill that top out."

"Hey, I'm s-sure you'd look n-nice in it..."

"Yeah, I look nice in it, but not sexy like you do..." I didn't think it was possible to blush this hard, but I am. "Ah, what the hell, I never get to wear it anyway... But, seriously, if Hisao sees you in that, it might help him change his mind." Akira winks at me.

Hmm, maybe she has the right idea... if I wear my jacket over it, I can at least hide most of my scars...

"So... the other thing... I think you're not as alone as you think you are." She must notice my expression of shock, as she continues. "Well... I know for a fact you have another friend that you could call, and talk to about some of this, and she'd listen."

Lilly.

My mood drops immediately. "She's no f-friend of mine." My voice almost comes out as a growl.

"Hanako..."

I look Akira in the eye, as the anger boils inside of me. "She made me depend on her, she was the closest thing to family I had, and then she left for Scotland like it was nothing, like she didn't even care about me. She didn’t even TELL me until the day before she left! What am I supposed to say?"

Her jaw drops in realization. "Um... Oh… Damn… I knew she left you suddenly, but I didn't quite look at it like that..." It's clear that she's at a loss for words here, and she’s staring at her plate. Just then, her phone rings. “Speak of the fuckin’ devil… Hello, Lillian.” My mind is sent into a maelstrom of panic, but one coherent thought breaks through: since when has Akira ever called her Lillian?

“You know what they say about the hair of the dog. I made sure I took care of that before you called me.” Hair… of the dog? What is she talking about? “Your personal favorite, even. SoCo.” She winks at me. What exactly is she doing here? I’m quite certain that she didn’t drink… Oh, I think I see what she’s doing.

“It’s better than getting out of bed at noon, like other members of the Satou family have been known to do. And on that note, I’m going to go ahead and make myself some coffee, because I have a long day of work ahead of me, so I’ll put you on speakerphone.” She puts her finger to her lips. At least I’ll get to listen to both sides of this now.

“Akira, please, if you’re going to start something, just get to the point.” An… interesting reversal, there.

“Heh, I thought I’d borrow a page or two from your playbook. After all, you seemed quite alright with our parents not letting us know about their plans to leave Japan, to the point that you did the same thing to Hanako…” I want to run, but at the same time, I want to know what Lilly’s going to say next…

“That’s... not the same, and you know it.”

“You’re right, it’s not the same. For one, our family at least had the decency to abandon us together.”

There’s a long silence on the other side of the line, during which Akira hands me the first cup of coffee. “So I assume you’ve spoken to her, then.”

“You could say that, yes.”

“How is she doing?”

Akira looks over to me, and I shake my head quickly. I want nothing of this. “I think she’s doing okay, all things considered.”

Lilly sighs. “I… I made a horrible mistake, I admit. I just wish I could apologize to Hanako, but I fear I burned that bridge a long time ago.” Akira looks back to me.

I take a deep breath.

Here goes nothing.

“Maybe w-we c-could build a n-new bridge? M-meet me halfway.”

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Bad Apple wrote:

Something brown and smelly is getting dangerously close to the fan, and Hisao looks far more terrified than I am.

Finally! Hanako's been waiting years for this!

I'm so sorry

It's not White Day yet. Seriously, though, Hanako won't be getting fecal matter to the face in this story. At least not actual fecal matter.

Bad Apple wrote:I'll admit, I don't have a thing for implausible scenarios or illogical premises. (The plausibility of this scenario is, I think, debatable but also this is Hisao we're talking about here.) And furthermore I think short chapters are kinda cheap. Two wrongs normally don't make a right, but! I'll take exemption in this case since I'm captivated so far, and because you actually update frequently. The plot seems concise and doesn't look like it'll drag, as you mentioned, so I figure this story won't be incomplete for long.

There's actually a couple things about the scenario that go against my headcanon, but I seem to like writing things that go against my headcanon, and they're things I couldn't change. (The biggest thing that conflicts, and my headcanon actually conflicts with developer statements on this one, is Lilly leaving for good. The only routes in which Lilly is prominent enough to be shown to leave are her own and Shizune's, and in Shizune's route, everything says she (and Akira, even though she's losing her car) is coming back. Then she comes back. So, while devs have said that Lilly appearing in Shizune's route at the end is a mistake... it sure looks planned that way, and it doesn't conflict anything shown in Emi or Rin's route. My headcanon is that she came back in every route but her own and Hanako's, where Hanako had Hisao.)

However, Hisao having eyes for Hanako (or at least finding her attractive) during Shizune's route? That's actually semi-canon.

Pangrammatic Window wrote:Hideaki: "What is your school like?"
This kid is like a little reporter, but it makes sense for someone his age to be curious, and this is one question I don't mind.
Hisao: "What's it like? I never really thought about it. It's on top of this mountain, so it feels kind of isolated and lonely up there sometimes, even though that's also why it has a pretty great view. The students there are interesting. Actually, I felt bad at first. You know what kind of school it is, right?"
Hideaki: "Yes."
Hisao: "I felt bad because I didn't want to go there. I don't even remember exactly what I was thinking at the time. Probably it was something like, a school for crippled people would be a depressing place. They were telling me to go be forgotten there. Then, everyone there was just living their lives, for the most part. So I felt even worse. It wasn't different at all, so I felt like kind of a jerk. Shizune was the first person I met. She's in most of my classes. Misha, too, they're always together. I guess the school is accommodating enough to pair them up as much as possible. There's this girl in my class, Hanako, whom I feel bad for. She has these burns, and seems to have a complex about them. But I think she looks fine. She's a cute girl. And friends with Lilly, too. You know Lilly, right? Does she bring up Hanako?"
Hideaki: "Yes, sometimes."
Hisao: "I'm trying to remember who else is interesting. We have a little track star ace who runs on these prosthetics. There's this one girl, Rin, who doesn't have arms, but she's a great painter. All her art has this harsh, alive quality. Have you ever been to Yamaku? You've probably seen some of it hanging around. A little weird sometimes, but I've always heard that artistic and creative types are like that. That reminds me, the guy who lives across the hall from me is pretty weird, too. But he can be interesting, at least."

Oh, and I checked, it doesn't change the dialogue if you hit "She wasn't cute" in Act 1.

The short chapters are caused by landing in the middle of a scene rather than the beginning, which I've probably become a bit too fond of, and the fact that I don't have an elegant way of timeskipping without a chapter break or something very much like one with my format.

So far, mate, I'm really enjoying this!
Although I wasn't too phased with Lilly and Hanako's friendship thus far, there is a little voice at the back of my head thoroughly cheering with how this last chapter's ended
Will be waiting to see how this pans out!

“Maybe w-we c-could build a n-new bridge? M-meet me halfway.”

So, they're going to meet 137 miles off the coast of Los Angeles?

On a more serious note... I think short chapters, used properly (as in this case) offer some some advantages to longer ones. They allow for easy timeskips, as bhtooefr mentioned. In addition, it could make POV shifts within a single scene easier to manage (possibly, maybe). If nothing else, it allows for quicker updates.

On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with longer chapters either.

here's this girl in my class, Hanako, whom I feel bad for. She has these burns, and seems to have a complex about them. But I think she looks fine. She's a cute girl. And friends with Lilly, too. You know Lilly, right? Does she bring up Hanako?"

I never really noticed that before.

bhtooefr wrote:It's not White Day yet. Seriously, though, Hanako won't be getting fecal matter to the face in this story. At least not actual fecal matter.

No, but she just got shitfaced.

bhtooefr wrote:The short chapters are caused by landing in the middle of a scene rather than the beginning, which I've probably become a bit too fond of...

...and I think that might be partly my fault. It's a hook I use constantly, to get the reader engaged in a chapter rather than hitting them with a bunch of setup. Anything they missed that actually matters I disclose as things go along. Since you've been reading and helping out with my own (veeeery long) story, it may have rubbed off on you.

Oscar Wildecat wrote:On a more serious note... I think short chapters, used properly (as in this case) offer some some advantages to longer ones. They allow for easy timeskips, as bhtooefr mentioned. In addition, it could make POV shifts within a single scene easier to manage (possibly, maybe). If nothing else, it allows for quicker updates.

On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with longer chapters either.

There's a reason I said it was nitpicking . Chapters should be the exact length they need to be to say what you want to say in them, whether that's fifty words or fifty thousand.

Anyway, I enjoyed this chapter. I think one piece of this was meant to be a twist a scene in Developments. If so, I am honored *bows*. If not, then...never mind .

dewelar wrote:I think one piece of this was meant to be a twist a scene in Developments. If so, I am honored *bows*. If not, then...never mind .

I'm pretty sure it was intentional.

Did Akira actually say "«I can learn to resist... anything but temptation...»"?

Yes, she did. (Yet somehow, she did resist it.)

Let's just say that my headcanon is that Akira bats for both teams, and she wasn't just trying to boost Hanako's self-esteem (I mean, that was certainly part of it) when she said that she looked sexy.

Basically, I'm thinking Akira's reaction to seeing Hanako is (internally) something along these lines, although obviously in a much different context, and she keeps it mostly unvoiced. (And she knows that it'd be a horrible idea for everyone involved if she got involved with Hanako in that way.)