sg1cat wrote:
LIkewise, I felt the ending didn't have enough closure.
Yeah, that's a large reason why there's such a disparity between my opinion of Shizune and her route. I really like her, but her route is just so unsatisfying.
Yup, I was likewise disappointed. Loved Shizune and the trio, enjoyed most of the route, but was left hanging by the ending.
Then I realized, "Hey - this is an opportunity to write some fun fan fic!"
Heh...I have a feeling that's fairly common among us fanfic writers. I liked Lilly a lot (I knew someone IRL who was a lot like her) but there were just so many things about her route that left me wanting. Hence, Developments . Although, in my case, it was more wanting to explore why things happened the way they did, and what the aftermath would be...
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!
dewelar wrote:Ah, going for humor full-on. I approve . Will be watching this one closely.
Thanks very much, glad you like it!
...and now with this chapter we really get rolling . Like AntonSlavik, I always thought it a bit odd that Hisao never talked about his heart, at least with Shizune. This chapter does a really good job of fixing that oversight, even if (in hindsight, anyway) it doesn't reflect particularly well on Hisao . Very interested to see where it goes from here.
Well, I wouldn't be too hard on Hisao. His condition was a lot to deal with, and sharing something that personal is a big step to take.
I'm glad you like the chapter...lots more to come!
dewelar wrote:
Heh...I have a feeling that's fairly common among us fanfic writers. I liked Lilly a lot (I knew someone IRL who was a lot like her) but there were just so many things about her route that left me wanting. Hence, Developments . Although, in my case, it was more wanting to explore why things happened the way they did, and what the aftermath would be...
Very cool! I'll make sure to read you fic, after I've done LIlly's route.
dewelar wrote:...and now with this chapter we really get rolling . Like AntonSlavik, I always thought it a bit odd that Hisao never talked about his heart, at least with Shizune. This chapter does a really good job of fixing that oversight, even if (in hindsight, anyway) it doesn't reflect particularly well on Hisao . Very interested to see where it goes from here.
Well, I wouldn't be too hard on Hisao. His condition was a lot to deal with, and sharing something that personal is a big step to take.
Granted. I was just thinking about it from the perspective of how long it took him vis-a-vis other routes. Also, my headcanon has been that he told them offscreen at some point, and because it wound up being a non-dramatic moment, it got left on the cutting room floor .
I'm glad you like the chapter...lots more to come!
Very cool! I'll make sure to read you fic, after I've done LIlly's route.
Cool!
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!
Lurked for a bit when you first posted the fic. I like where it's going! Alas, I never really have any constructive criticism (true for all fics I read here)- I read for entertainment and small errors dont bug me 'cuz I correct them myself while reading. If I'm entertained and like where the fic is, that's enough for me.
Minion of Chaos wrote:Lurked for a bit when you first posted the fic. I like where it's going! Alas, I never really have any constructive criticism (true for all fics I read here)- I read for entertainment and small errors dont bug me 'cuz I correct them myself while reading. If I'm entertained and like where the fic is, that's enough for me.
Subbed!
Thanks very much, very glad you enjoy it!
I'm quite happy to get feedback like yours, actually.
We all finish eating at about the same time. The stillness of the room has blissfully settled in around us after my complete confession to my dearest friends about everything. It feels like a burden has been lifted from my chest. I can breathe more easily than ever before, since that ill-fated day in the snow when this part of my life began.
In truth, I wish that I'd done it sooner. But, at least I didn't miss this last opportunity.
Shizune snuggles up closer against me as we finish up the last few bites of our lunch. The whole time we ate, she stayed pressed up against me. I marvel at this, realizing that she's shown me more affection today than in all our months dating, combined (save for when we had sex). Since we started going out, she was always somewhat distant. I wonder if that was because of her condition. Between that and having met her family, I can appreciate her not wanting to get too close to someone, or maybe not even knowing how.
Now, however, she seems to be willing to try.
Of course, this makes me very happy. I was okay with the space she needed, being glad to just be around her, sharing what we did together.
But I'm not about to turn down this new level of closeness, especially since she's coming home with me tomorrow. The very thought makes me giddy.
I take her hand in mine beneath the table and she smiles up at me, meeting my gaze as she squeezes me.
She quickly releases my hand and starts signing to Misha. [So when do you leave for New York?]
Misha blinks in surprise at the question, then answers, ["Oh~! I leave in a week."] She smiles warmly at us, ["I've got an apartment all lined up, just one block from campus~! I'm so excited!!"]
We both can't help but smile at her enthusiasm, which is as infectious as always. ["That's great,"] I answer. ["You'll keep in touch with us, right?"] I ask eagerly.
["Of course, Hicchan~!"] she answers with a bubbly laugh. ["I have both of your email addresses, and we can text. I'll tell you all about The Big Apple~!"]
[I want pictures too!] Shizune insists. [You have to tell us about everything!] She pauses before adding, [and write at least once a week! No, more...]
Misha nods, her smile lessening as the reality of our upcoming separation seems to be hitting her. ["I will, I will! Now what about you, Shizune?"] she asks, ["When are you going to Tokyo?"]
My girlfriend hesitates for a moment before answering, [Probably in a month. My first semester doesn't start until then, and I need to get some things done before I go anyway.]
I notice she doesn't mention coming home with me, but then consider that maybe it's for the best. Given everything that's happened, Misha would probably be happier not knowing that Shizune's coming home with me tomorrow to spend a few days, maybe a few weeks together.
["So when are you going to Kyoto, Hicchan?"] Misha asks, either not noticing Shizune's hesitation before answering or not letting on that she does.
["I don't know,"] I answer truthfully. It's hard to decide when to go to a school when you still haven't even picked one yet. Though, I am now leaning towards one school in particular now, and it isn't Kyoto.
Shizune frowns, [That's irresponsible,] she signs with firm motions. [You should have your plans better laid out. How can you possibly prepare if you don't know when you're going?] I knew she was going to go there.
Misha laughs as her friend chides me once more. I only smile magnanimously at Shizune, looking at her with adoring eyes.
It used to bother me when she did that. Now I find it somewhat endearing.
My lack of an answer and loving gaze only serves to infuriate her more. It appears to put her off her guard. She glares at me while adjusting her glasses, apparently trying to decide whether or not to pursue the matter.
Pointedly looking away from me to speak to our friend, she asks her, [Misha, what was your favorite part of this year?] I smirk at this, feeling like I just scored a small win of my own.
"Hm~!" Misha's eyes grow wide at the question as she ponders her answer, her hands likewise hesitating. ["That's a tough one~!"] she answers, her furrowed brows knitting together as she thinks hard.
["I think it might have been when we were convincing Hicchan to join us on the Student Council~!"] she finally says with a smile. ["That was really fun~!!"] she says, then laughs her more ear-piercing laugh.
I wince at this, noting out of the corner of my eye Shizune's grin at my reaction. Turning, she asks me with a grin, [Why did you take so long to say yes?]
["You two were so relentless!"] I say and sign emphatically. ["You didn't give me any time to settle in before pouncing on me!"] Shizune smirks at this and Misha laughs while I continue, ["And once you did start, you never let up!!"] Misha laughs all the more at my passionate protestations, while Shizune grins from ear to ear.
[You had a whole day before we first asked,] Shizune responds with a cool eye upon me, her smirk lilting sharply. [What's more, we only offered it to you after you told us that you wanted to try a club and asked what was available!] She adjusts her glasses, [So you have no reason to complain!]
["Yeah~!"] Misha chimes in, ["Stop being such a drama king, Hicchan~!!"] Again she laughs loudly, making me wince once more as my ears are assaulted. Shizune continues to grin as she looks on, the mirth in her eyes showing how my auditory discomfort is giving her no end of amusement.
["So exactly how long was it after I walked in that you two decided to attack me?"] I ask with an amused smirk.
[Wouldn't you like to know?] Shizune asks with a wink, her lips lilted in a devilish smirk. Sitting up, she confidently adjust her glasses as she sits up straight next to me.
["Well it couldn't have taken that long,"] I conjecture as I look from one to the other, both girls grinning as I try and reason it out. I look at Shizune, ["You signed to Misha as soon as I walked into the room..."] She only smiles at me smugly as I ask, ["What did you say to her, anyway?"]
Her haughty stance makes it clear what her answer will be. [I'm not telling!] she grins, [and that's rude, asking what I confided in to my friend!]
["She's my friend too!"] I protest, trying to ignore Misha's guffaws as we bicker back and forth.
[Not back then, she wasn't,] Shizune counters with a serious expression. [and I didn't know you at the time either, so that makes it none of your business!] She fixes me with a mocking glare, [and how inconsiderate of you to ask what a girl's private conversation was with her friend!] Shaking her head, she signs on, [that's very improper. I expected better from you, Hisao.]
She's enjoying this entirely too much, I decide. Fine, two can play at this game.
I turn to Misha, ["What'd she tell you?"] I ask bluntly.
Shizune's eyes fly wide open at my going around her to Misha. [Don't you dare tell him!] she signs emphatically, staring daggers at out friend sitting across from the table.
The poor girl is caught off guard by this, blinking in surprise as we both stare at her. I try to smile charmingly at her while Shizune gives her a 'I'll kill you if you even breathe a word' look.
["Come on, Misha,"] I protest, ["I'm her boyfriend now, I should be allowed to know."]
Misha tilts her head slightly as she considers my point, starting to smile.
[That doesn't count!] Shizune signs desperately.
["What?"] I ask emphatically, looking back at Shizune, ["My being your boyfriend doesn't mean anything?"]
[That's not what I said!] she protests, scowling.
["You said it doesn't count."] I answer
[In this case, specifically, no] she clarifies.
["Why not?"] I ask. ["I'm not entitled to know something you said about me?"]
[Not if it was told to a friend in confidence,] she counters, adding, [and besides, boyfriend privileges are not retroactive!]
["So it was about me!"] I bark in excitement. Shizune winces as she realizes her slip. ["Now I definitely have a right to know!"] I turn back to Misha with an eager grin. She's no longer looking intimidated, but rather has a big smile on her face as she watches our back and forth.
[No he doesn't!] Shizune reiterates to Misha, her hands slashing as she scowls at our friend.
Misha looks from Shizune to me and back again. I can see the debate raging in her mind. Silently, I cheer on Misha as she weighs the pros and cons. She's been working on being more her own person, and this is a perfect opportunity for her to show her independence while also giving Shizune a little payback for all the bossing around.
[Don't you dare!] Shizune signs furiously as she glares at our friend. Misha looks back at her guardedly.
["Do what you think is best,"] I gently counter, drawing Misha's gaze then adding with emphasis, ["It's your choice."]. Beneath the bubblegum pink hair, Misha looks into my eyes and I can see a mischievous glint forming.
Misha's smile lilts into a devilish smirk. I smile back at her. She looks back at Shizune and her grin deepens to a truly evil one. It's very uncharacteristic for her, and sends a cool chill down my spine. My girlfriend's expression falls as she sees her hopes of safety dashed.
["Shizune told me to check out the new hottie that had just joined our class,"] Misha signs and says, though her eyes are riveted to Shizune's as she spills her guts. I watch as Shizune's face turns white with mortification. Misha plows on relentlessly, ["she told me that we just had to get you to join the Student Council, no matter the cost, that she'd be miserable if we didn't succeed."]
My eyes grow wide at the revelation as Shizune's flushes a deep red, all the way to her ears. I look over at Shizune who can't bring herself to look at me. She breaks her gaze away from Misha, trying to look anywhere but the two of us.
["Oh really?"] I ask, the motions of my hands drawing Shizune's gaze back towards us. She glares at me, her cheeks still a deep crimson.
["Oh, that's not all,"] Misha goes on, her smirk growing all the more wicked.
Shizune's eyes fly wide open again, and she stares back at Misha. [No, please...] she begs. I'm starting to feel a little sorry for her, but I just have to hear this.
["Oh? What else?"] I ask with a wry grin. Shizune stares daggers at me.
Misha grins from ear to ear, adding, ["she also told me that you were the most sexy and adorable thing she'd ever seen."] Shizune turns even more red. I didn't think that was possible. ["She said she hoped she could convince you to ask her out, you were such a cutie."]
["Well, well, well,"] I say and sign with no end of amusement as Shizune puts her face in her hands while she rests her elbows on the table. She flushes all the way down her neck to the collar of her uniform.
Taking pity on her, I wrap my arm about her shoulders and pull her to me. She resists at first, but another gentle tug and she yields, leaning back against me in the booth, folding her arms indignantly as she does. Her body feels considerably warmer than usual, and she's almost trembling.
[I can't believe you did that,] she chides Misha, staring intently across the table at her.
["Why?"] she asks, grinning amicably at Shizune. ["He *is* your boyfriend now, you got what you wanted so badly."]
To drive the point home, I squeeze her to me and kiss the top of her head. Shizune sighs heavily, blowing the air out her nose in a huff.
["So what if he knows how smitten you were with him from the very start?"] she asks. I can feel Shizune shift next to me, uncomfortable with the question. ["If you ask me, you could stand to show him some more affection..."] she adds, looking pointedly at Shizune, ["Remember what we talked about, okay?"] I blink in surprise and glance over to Shizune, who only nods sullenly, now looking abashed in addition to humiliated, again unable to meet Misha's gaze.
Suddenly I feel like I shouldn't be part of this conversation.
["Then again,"] Misha muses, looking away from us and off into the distance, ["I guess giving your boyfriend a blow job in the middle of a restaurant at lunchtime is a pretty good way of showing affection..."]
Now I'm the one who's feeling mortified. I can feel Shizune stiffen next to me as she looks back across the table with a stunned expression, the heat radiating from her body growing quite intense as we both sit up in a panic.
"I...Misha...that is," I start to babble.
[Misha...we weren't...,] Shizune protests with hurried motions.
Misha glances over at our feeble attempts to protest, blinking in surprise. "Wha?" she asks, then snorts derisively, ["Oh you were too sucking him off, Shichan~!"] she says way too loudly for my tastes. I look around again to make sure the restaurant is still empty. Thankfully, it is. ["I'm not stupid, I know what I walked in on,"] she says indignantly.
My heart is pounding in an alarming fashion. I draw in a deep breath, trying to get things under control, staring down at the table. I'm not sure, but I think I see Shizune's concerned gaze upon me from the corner of my eye.
"Misha," I start to protest as I see Shizune's hands moving in the periphery of my vision. I don't see exactly what she's signing but it's not hard to guess.
Misha shakes her head, ["Oh, relax you two~!"] she tells us, smirking wryly. ["I don't care, really..."] She lifts an eyebrow and then chides us, ["But you're lucky it was just me! You need to be careful. Next time, it won't be me walking in on you, it'll be someone else~!"] she laughs that loud, bubbly laugh.
I breathe in deeply, feeling like I'm starting to get my heart under control again. Shizune takes a closer look at me, placing a hand on my arm to make sure I'm okay. I take a deep breath and nod at her. She smiles at me, though she lingers as she watches me, trying to make certain that I'm okay. Once satisfied, she turns back to Misha, signing, [Misha, we're really, really sorry...we...] she hesitates, not sure where to go with that. Honestly, I'd been wondering what she was going to sign next, but I guess so was Shizune.
Misha saves her from any further awkwardness. Dismissively, she wave her hand. ["Hey, don't be, okay?"] She smiles at us, looking thoroughly amused, ["I think it's funny. I never would have guessed you were into something kinky like that, Shizune~!"]
Mirage_GSM wrote:You're right. Shizune IS showing him more affection than in the last few months combined. Makes her seem a bit ooc here...
*nods* I tend to give a fair amount of leeway character-wise to stories that are humor-heavy, and this is still a fun read, but yeah, this chapter took it a little too far OTT. I was actually more bothered by what Misha claims Shizune said to her when Hisao introduced himself than by the PDAs, though .
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!
dewelar wrote:I was actually more bothered by what Misha claims Shizune said to her when Hisao introduced himself than by the PDAs, though .
Thanks for reading!
I was worried a bit about that being OOC, but my reasoning was this - we'd never been privy to any of the conversations Shizune and Misha had when Hisao was not around. We have no idea how they behaved around each other when they were alone. Of course, they were in a room full of students when Hisao was first brought to class, but they're the only two that can sign - so that's about the same thing as being alone. They could take liberties.
Combine that with the fact that she is a teenage girl, and has shown the according tendency to behave so at times in the canonical story, I felt it was a fair enough liberty to take.
AntonSlavik020 wrote:Great chapter. Loved the back and forth between Shizune and Hisao trying to convince Misha, and Shizune's reaction afterwords.
Thanks so much, the appreciation means a lot.
This was one of my favorite, though a subsequent one that I've just finished writing comes pretty close. Still, I had a lot of fun writing the banter and what followed.
sg1cat wrote:I do hope you found the latest chapter enjoyable, in spite of your opinion on this matter.
Yes I did. I was on mobile earlier so I kept my comment short.
I liked the Back and forth between Hisao and Shizune as well. That part was very much like her
sg1cat wrote:I do hope you found the latest chapter enjoyable, in spite of your opinion on this matter.
Yes I did. I was on mobile earlier so I kept my comment short.
I liked the Back and forth between Hisao and Shizune as well. That part was very much like her
Very cool, thanks much.
No worries on the short comment. It did seem rather terse to me upon reading, but that's the danger online communications - without non-verbals, there's just too much room of assumptions for interpreting meaning and intent...
. Although, in my case, it was more wanting to explore why things happened the way they did, and what the aftermath would be...
. Will be watching this one closely.
