After working on my observations on Lilly for over a week now, I feel it's finally complete enough for me to post it.
I have seen a bunch of people compare Lilly to a
Yamato Nadeshiko, or the proper lady and I would find this rather accurate of her personality although I would probably throw in a bit of
Ojou in there too. Hisao's first impression of Lilly was that of a tall and beautiful foreigner drinking tea in an otherwise empty room while he was searching for the library. Even if you're not a tea drinker such as Hisao or myself, it can be incredibly hard to turn down an offer by such a blond beauty. Lilly is the model of the proper lady. She attended a prestigious all-girls catholic school before attending Yamaku, she carries herself with the airs of the upper class, and otherwise is just a friendly person in general. Lilly has a network of friends, acquaintances and contacts in general that Hisao has noted on more than one occasion and even across character routes. (I haven't been able to get inside Lilly's head as easily as Hanako or Emi but you guys get the idea).
Now some new comers at this point may think, "Okay, something's off. We have little miss perfect here and I'm reading a visual novel about some guy who had a heart attack and transferred to a school that deals with disabled students. What's her catch? What's her deal?" To put it frankly, little miss perfect has been blind since birth. Can't see a thing, never has, never will, but this is not in and of itself the main issue though some could argue that it at least partially contributes to the main issue (more on that later). Lilly herself states on multiple occasions throughout her route that she is comfortable with her blindness since this is the only way she has ever experienced the world. She did mention once and I quote "The fact that the world is made for those who are sighted can be a pain sometimes, but there are many, many people who suffer much more than I because of the way the world is." This tells us that she is fine with her lot in life and has work-arounds for things we people with functioning eyes haven't had to deal with.
Lilly is all too reserved and nice to say it but her sister is another matter. The problem with Lilly as stated by her sister Akira, is their parents, leaning more towards the father than the mother. After the events of Hanako's birthday, waking Hisao and accidentally bashing their heads together, Lilly explains to Hisao that she hasn't met her parents in 6 years prior to meeting Hisao due to a promotion opportunity for her father on the condition he move to Scotland. Lilly's mother followed her father, leaving Akira (19 at that point) to take care of Lilly (12 at that point). During their date at the fancy restaurant, Lilly stated and I quote "My family is highly patriarchal. My father, business always on his mind, was entirely lost as to what to do with me. In the end, he made the decision that my education was of higher priority than staying with the family. He simply did what he thought was best" He simply decided that he should follow the promotion in Scotland and left Lilly and her sister together in Japan also deciding that Lilly's education was more important than following him too. This is just me talking but if I had a blind 12 year old girl, I would either bring her with me or shove the job promotion down the drain. There is no way I could leave my blind daughter on the other side of the planet while I went after a job promotion. Since it was just Lilly and Akira for those 6 years after their parents moved to Scotland, having to take care of cooking, cleaning, other household chores, a strict catholic school and other things I'm surely missing, all while Akira was working at the Japanese branch of their father's company, Lilly was basically forced to adopt the responsible nature that she carries today. Lilly has maintained her image as a caring and responsible person. Moving on from the catholic school into Yamaku, she even joined the student council with her cousin Shizune for a time before conflict set in. Lilly became the student representative of her class and even Hisao once stated that she acts like a mother figure to her class in contrast to Shizune's dictatorship to his own. Lilly has several contacts both in and out of class but as far as I can tell, they haven't really gone beyond acquaintances or the occasional friend. It took the new guy looking for the library to show her that there was more to life than her family.
Lost in his pursuit of the library, Hisao happened to stumble into the tea room as they later called it and found the beautiful blond foreigner drinking tea. Not knowing who the poor shmuck is, Lilly fell back on being friendly and hospitable in order to learn more about him. All in one sitting, she learned he's a recent transfer student, his name, his homeroom, his inquiries for possible joining a club, and his interest in reading and all she had to do was offer some tea to make him stick around long enough to ask. They talk for a while, they eventually move to the library, she introduces him to the librarian, he goes looking for a book, and scared the crap out of Hanako by simply introducing himself, making Lilly look for her and ending their first meeting on a bit of a sour note.
As time went on, Lilly noticed that Hisao was opening up more. He would often join them for lunch in the tea room, he was able to interact better with Hanako, he would often help Lilly go shopping, and generally displayed an aura of common courtesy. The day that Lilly and Hisao went into town to buy presents for Hanako, Hisao made an obvious effort to cheer Lilly up by taking her to a café after they ran into her sister and cousin. After telling Hisao that she had to Scotland to visit an ailing aunt, Hisao reached into his backpack and gave her the music box that he had found earlier in another obvious effort to cheer her up. If I had to call it, that likely would have been the moment when Lilly began to think of Hisao as more than just a friend though I don't want to say it was feelings of romance just yet. Then again, she did chase after him in the hall moments later and give him a kiss for the music box… I'll just let you guys figure that bit out. In the next scene for example when they went into town to buy groceries, Lilly showed obvious concern when Hisao mentioned that he's had trouble sleeping at night. Even if Lilly didn't have romantic feelings for him at this point, she clearly cared for him more than any other random student. Of course, it would be negligent of me not to mention Lilly's origami crane. It was already plainly described in the VN as to what it was meant to symbolize but I saw just a little bit more behind it. As much as Lilly says that she tries to maintain her independence, she tends to have difficulty expressing her own need regarding her blindness. I saw the crane as an admission that she has trouble and appreciates any help that he is willing to offer, even if it's as mundane as grocery shopping. The fact that Lilly was willing to demonstrate her ability in origami for him must have been quite an effort on her part.
Moving on to Lilly's family reunion in Scotland, Hisao would often be caught thinking of Lilly both in and out of class. I believe it took this brief separation for both of them to search their feelings for each other and arrive to the same conclusion; they were in love with each other. The second time that Hisao called Lilly (also sending his phone bill through the roof), even though most of the conversation was just banter and small talk, it ended on the heavy note that they missed each other. It was this call that forced Hisao to confirm his feeling for Lilly and sparked his decision to confess to her. When Hisao greeted Lilly after she and Akira got off the plane, Lilly was to think best of how to respond. I believe that Lilly was conflicted between only letting so much of her feelings out for Hisao in front of her sister and Hanako while still trying to address him properly according to her feelings toward him. Blaming the delay on jet lag was a good cover and I think only we the readers noticed. Jumping on the bandwagon for a person with jet lag, Lilly immediately perked up and mentioned the 3-day holiday that was coming up and inviting the group to stay at their old summer home. Hisao wanted to use the trip to confess his feelings for Lilly but I'm fairly confident in saying that Lilly had this in mind before she even got on the flight back to Japan. Either way, it happened.
The morning after they arrived at Lilly's old summer home, Hisao slept in again due to his earlier mentioned insomnia. Lilly then put her hand on his chest after telling Hanako to prepare breakfast. Once busted in the fact that he was awake, Lilly said that his breathing gave him away. Controlling your breathing is generally easier than controlling your heartbeat so even if this wasn't true since Hisao was thinking that it took him a lot of effort not to react, Lilly still should have felt his heart beat faster. Lilly could have used this as confirmation of Hisao's feelings toward her, or at least that's what I got from that bit. Fast-forward a bit to after Hisao forgets his meds and has his heart flutter. After waking up from a nap, He went out in search for Lilly in the wheat field. It took Hisao taking another heart flutter in front of Lilly for her to realize that she was in love with him. Lilly broke down in the wheat field and confessed to Hisao. The following sex scene, as I can best describe it, would have to be "I'm happy you're alive" sex. If this sounds corny, so be it but that's the vibe I got from it.
Even though Hisao and Lilly were just beginning their relationship, shadows from her past began to creep up on them. From this point on, I noticed tiny slips in Lilly's reactions. Returning to school and in the tea room for example, Lilly gave an awkward laugh when Hisao mentioned Tanabata. Later when they ran into Akira on their shopping trip, Akira covered for Lilly, saying that she would be returning to Scotland permanently and Hisao was too distracted by his up-coming date with Lilly to read too much into it. Even during their date in that fancy restaurant, Hisao went off on a tangent about reminiscing on the past and attributing Lilly for being able to pick himself up again, to look forward to the future, and Lilly and just had that same awkward expression on her face. The biggest one would have to be when Kenji accidentally grabbed Lilly as a handhold to keep himself from tripping on her cane. The normally calm and confident Lilly suddenly cursing into the open air like that would be damn hard to miss no matter your level of ability to read an
out of character moment. Even Hisao began to notice this as well. In Lilly's room for another tea party at night, Hisao thought that every time that he mentioned what Lilly planed on doing for the summer, she was either unsure of the answer or just outright dodged the question. Barring the Kenji-induced faceplant, I didn't notice these on my first run but hindsight is 20/20. Lilly knew what was happening but wanted to keep it under wraps for now. And then good fucking god, Akira calls Hisao out to the park.
Lilly is all too reserved and nice to say it but her sister is another matter. Akira unleashed it all. Her distain for their parents practically throwing Lilly into Yamaku and forcing Akira to look after a 12 blind sister while they moved up in the family business. When I read the part where Akira said that her parents gave Lilly a summons to rejoin them in Inverness that first time reading Lilly's route, I swear I felt my heart stop beating for a good 5 seconds. Lilly had this dangling in the back of her mind since she and her sister had to visit their sick aunt. Before they solidified their relationship in Hokkaido.
Rant
I gotta be honest. Going back through Lilly's route again, trying to re-inflict myself with the feels, really paying attention to it like my first time through it all those months ago and writing this out for you guys, is making my blood boil. I was expecting this to happen when I first said I'd try to give my honest observations on the girls and it's exactly what I was aiming for when I began to give my observations for Lilly. I didn't get this for any of the other girls. I am able to relate with Hanako in the regards that I know how it feels to want to avoid placing burdens on others by merely existing and wanting to disappear off the face of the earth due to constant bullying and harassment, when your only desire is just one friend you can trust. I can relate to Emi in the desire to blend in, to act as if all is fine while inside, the only thing that can boil any hotter than your emotions is the earth's very core. I can relate to Shizune in the regards of cold, unfeeling logic. The desire for power, to bend others to your will when all you want is for somebody to lend a helping hand. I can relate to Rin with my own unpredictability. When you attempt to create without labeling your creations, the ability re-arrange a small portion of the world that is within your grasp and still desire the feeling of understanding. This relation to the other girls gave me a level of predictability in their minds, moods, emotions and actions, and therefore the ultimate conflict of their stories didn't hit me as hard. I could be run over by a car and still not be hit as hard as Lilly's route hammered me. I can still feel myself shaking.
/Rant
For weeks, Lilly was torn between her parents' desire to return home, and her newfound relationship with Hisao. She never told Hisao this, as if she were testing him, as if she wasn't sure staying with him was worth it. When Hisao cornered Lilly about this at the Shanghai, he was devastated to hear that Lilly ultimately decided to return home with her sister and left Hisao out of the decision process, as if he didn't matter enough to convince her to stay. That doesn't mean that she didn't care for him, even if she didn't believe it possible, she was willing to try a long-distance relationship with him. I do believe that Lilly was genuinely sorry to tell him that she was leaving, even though she was still leaving for the other side of the planet. Sunk in his depression, Hisao didn't visit any of the usual hang outs with Lilly since her plans became known to him and honestly, I would have done the exact same thing. His depressed mood was so obvious, the day the summer vacation was to begin, Shizune and Misha managed to rope him into doing some work for the council in attempt to distract him which was working until Lilly walked in. Walking back to the dorms after finishing their work for the council, Hisao gave Lilly an impulsive hug there on the school grounds, just wanting to be close to her in what he thought would be his last chance to do so. Lilly never wanted to leave which was painfully obvious at this point but she thought that her parents knew best by calling her home and decided to go home, knowing she would be leaving everything she held dear to her behind. Reading as Lilly and Akira got into her car was nothing short of painful for everybody involved, us readers included.
The following night we read Hisao reflecting on his thoughts on Lilly, letting them build while looking at the cardboard crane Lilly had folded for him weeks earlier. He gave into the impulsive idea that he could try to talk to her one last time before she got on the plane and left forever. In his frantic rush to the taxi, rushing to the airport after Hideaki said that they left only minutes before he arrived, and then his search for her at the airport, he completely ignored the warning pains his heart was sending him, telling him to slow down. Just as he caught a glimpse of her, his heart gave out under the stress. Waking up two days later, going by what the doctor said, Hisao realized his ultimate failure. Everything came crashing down as I realized that he failed. He failed to reach Lilly in time at the airport. He failed to talk to Lilly about her conflicting feelings between me and her family. He failed to convince her to stay with him and everyone else she cared about. He had completely and utterly failed. He began to sink into a depression that could only be compared to when he had his first heart attack as he slowly drifted off to sleep.
As I'm sure those who also became ensnared with Lilly just as I was, I felt incredible relief when we saw the blond beauty in the hospital with Hisao. After talking to each other, Hisao managed to convince Lilly to stay.
To those who may be wondering as to why it's been taking me so long to post these, it's because I until about half way writing this, I was having a harder time getting into Lilly's head then Hanako or Emi. The reason I was able to get those two done so quickly is as I said before, I feel I can relate to them better than the other girls. In fact, I did both Hanako and Emi in one night of writing for each of them while I had to go off and on for Lilly this whole time. I say I can relate to the first two girls easier but Lilly turned me into a freaking trainwreck after reading it for the first time. I hope this gives you a good understanding on my views on Lilly and I'll be doing shizune next after I recover from the feels for a bit.
OH GOD DA' FEELS!
