Katawa Shoujo Forums

This is the kind of bittersweet ending that I love. It feels very real, somehow, having that one window of opportunity where if you just did one little thing, it would have changed pretty much everything from that point forward. But instead, for one reason or another, or both, or all of them, you let the chance slip by, and the rest of your life you're wondering "what if", because it never crosses your path again.

I have just one tiny little wording nitpick, though.

Oddball wrote:I pull up to the address I was given, the last stop of the day, stop, and open the door.

The second "stop" feels unnecessary. Not only did you repeat the word in the same paragraph, which is already a bit distracting by itself, but you also said she pulled up to the place, which means it's also redundant.

(Edit: And somehow I fail to notice that this was originally posted all the way back in 2012. I feel wary of commenting on something so old, but whatever. I already hit submit, and now here it sits.)

Honestly this is kind of what I thought would happen to Hanako if you ran into her bad end, that or an eventual suicide, without Hisao/Lilly there for her, who knows if she ever would have gotten better, or just gone downhill and gotten worse.

Hey, just because it's old doesn't mean us writers don't want to hear what you think of our stories.

And yeah, after reading it again, I'd probably change the line you mentioned, but I think I'll just leave it for posterity sake now.

I like this.

I mean, it's depressing, but it's a realistic take on how both Hanako and Hisao would act.

And it hurts, because I've been in Hanako's shoes.

I think that this is a very neat little one shot that would be well made into a potential story, if not for that last line. Kudos to you though.