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Re: Scattered Scenes - 'The Letter' added 4/26

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 5:06 pm
by YOTC
... Man you're going to make some hanakobros very mad with this. I like it though.

Re: Scattered Scenes - 'The Letter' added 4/26

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 5:17 pm
by Brogurt
YOTC wrote:... Man you're going to make some hanakobros very mad with this. I like it though.
I can name a thing or two that might rustle the jimmies of us Hanakofags, but I don't really think this is one of them

Re: Scattered Scenes - 'The Letter' added 4/26

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 5:24 pm
by BlackRockHanako
Why would it make hanabros mad?

Re: Scattered Scenes - 'The Letter' added 4/26

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 5:26 pm
by nemz
...not even the implication that she's carrying a recessive heart problem gene as well, so any kids she and Hisao might have will have strong odds of inheriting a similar problem?

But yeah, adopted or not she's still going to love her parents, and the real father might be dead by now as well and clearly doesn't want to be found anyway. Nothing has changed here other than she gets an extra dose of angst.

Re: Scattered Scenes - 'The Letter' added 4/26

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 5:32 pm
by BlackRockHanako
nemz wrote:...not even the implication that she's carrying a recessive heart problem gene as well, so any kids she and Hisao might have will have strong odds of inheriting a similar problem?

But yeah, adopted or not she's still going to love her parents, and the real father might be dead by now as well and clearly doesn't want to be found anyway. Nothing has changed here other than she gets an extra dose of angst.
Why would she be having kids with Hisao. Where is that implied here? I honestly don't know why you comment here, it's not like you say anything constructive. Aren't there other topics you can go shitpost in? I don't know what you expect out of what are mostly <1000 word fanfics. If you want tons of deep characterisation, go and read some of the numerous better 30,000 word fanfics out there.

Re: Scattered Scenes - 'The Letter' added 4/26

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 5:46 pm
by nemz
BlackRockHanako wrote:Why would she be having kids with Hisao. Where is that implied here?
It wasn't, though I tend to assume stories about the girls happen in their own routes unless there's evidence to the contrary.
I honestly don't know why you comment here, it's not like you say anything constructive. Aren't there other topics you can go shitpost in?
What the fuck is your problem? So I didn't like your last fic, big whoop... no need to get all touchy and defensive. This one was better, as was the one before that with the swimming pool. Stop looking for reasons to take offense where none is intended.

Re: Scattered Scenes - 'The Letter' added 4/26

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 5:54 pm
by BlackRockHanako
Edit: You know what, I can't be bothered with this shit. Accuse me of getting mad for no reason all you like, fact is i'm not mad at all I don't expect anybody to like what I post, you however...well.
What the fuck is your problem?
Woah, internet badass alert, don't hurt me miss.

Re: Scattered Scenes - 'The Letter' added 4/26

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 6:54 pm
by Mirage_GSM
AT The beginning I was feeling some sort of deja vu, but you took the story in a different direction.
The only thing that felt a little off to me was how the letter survived the fire... There wasn't really any reason to deposit it with a lawyer.
Otherwise a very interesting piece, like always.

Re: Scattered Scenes - 'The Letter' added 4/26

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 7:07 pm
by betagent
I loved it! You captured the emotions of a person who would be in that type of situation very well.

Kudos to you, sir.

Re: Scattered Scenes - 'The Letter' added 4/26

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 9:40 pm
by Roamin12
This story is probably my favorite that you have written, so far. It is a nice twist on Hanako's past.
Mirage_GSM wrote:AT The beginning I was feeling some sort of deja vu, but you took the story in a different direction.
The only thing that felt a little off to me was how the letter survived the fire... There wasn't really any reason to deposit it with a lawyer.
Otherwise a very interesting piece, like always.
I imagine it would be a good idea to give it to a lawyer or something similar, if he just gave it to the parents who adopted Hanako, well, 20 years is a long time, it could of had water spilled on it, it could have been lost, or some other unforeseen incident.

Re: Scattered Scenes - 'The Letter' added 4/26

Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 12:29 am
by YOTC
Well that turned ugly for a minute there. I was talking about the recessive heart problems thing that Nemz mentioned. First thing that popped into my head. Also you made Hanako cry which usually makes them mad. Sorry, didn't mean to start a shit storm.

Re: Scattered Scenes - 'Comforts' added 5/1

Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 5:29 pm
by BlackRockHanako
Comforts (Doggy Style)

People wanted Lilly. I dunno.

--------------------------

She hit the ground hard, the impact rattling through the wrists she had flung out in front of her at the last second. Lilly could feel the cold, slimy mud that now coated her bare legs beneath her skirt, and felt more of the same between her fingers and under her nails. The mess in her hands made a squelching sound as her small fingers curled into fists, ready to lash out at anybody and anything close enough.

No sooner had she thought about this than she heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps, muffled by the grass underneath, growing fainter as they moved away from her. The occasional burst of laughter carried back to her before being quickly stifled, the fear of being recognised cutting through the bravado. Last time somebody pushed Lilly over they had stood next to her, gloating and teasing her. And when Lilly had told her big sister Akira about the incident, and about the voice she recognised as belonging to somebody in a class a few years above her who taunted her regularly, well. Akira was scary. And that boy was known by various nicknames, each revolving around messy underwear, for several years after.

But no, there was nothing she recognised today, nothing she could use to tell these people apart. Feeling the tears welling up in her useless eyes, she wiped a hand absent mindedly across her face to shoo them away. Only after she had done this did she feel the mess now smeared across her face, and this time the waterworks came freely, and were still pouring when her big sister came to pick her up.

Taking off her own school jumper, Akira had wiped down Lilly’s face and legs and assured her the mud was barely visible, and she could have a proper wash when they got home. Walking home with one hand clenched on her big sisters (which clenched back harder, if anything) and the other hiding her face in shame, it was an uneventful journey. It always was with Akira around.

Once through the door Lilly let Akira guide her straight to the bathroom, standing motionless as her big sister undressed her, normally gentle fingers shaking in anger as they fumbled with the buttons on her shirt.

‘Who did it, Lilly?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Well didn’t you hear them?’ The question was asked through gritted teeth, the splashes of water hitting the surface of the tub in the background doing little to drown the emotion from the voice of Akira.

Her sister. Her calm, funny, loving sister. Her angry sister. Her sister who thought she still needed help getting dressed and undressed. Her sister who read her bedtime stories, making up the sound effects, ‘ROAR!’ for the big scary dragons and ‘swish swish’ for the sound of the brave knight’s sword. Her sister who only wanted the best for her, yet at the same time mothered her and cushioned her from the world.

Lilly’s thoughts were broken by a sudden ‘Fuck!’, followed by the sounds of rapidly turning taps. ‘Phew, nearly overflowed. Let me get rid of some of it and we can get you cleaned up.’ The anger was gone from her voice just like that, replaced by a more gentle tone.

Her sister who taught her bad words.

After being scrubbed until her skin felt raw, Lilly was dried and dressed in her pyjamas – it was still early, but there was no point getting dressed now. She followed Akira into their modest shared bedroom in the house they lived in with some distant relatives, pulling the door shut as she moved past it.

Settling down onto her comfortable bed while Akira turned the TV on and found a cartoon show for her to listen to, Lilly’s mind was cast back to the events after school. There was usually somebody waiting for her, to trip her up or outright push her, to call her names, to snatch her bag and hide it somewhere. Lilly didn’t understand why. She was always nice and polite to everyone in her class, always helpful…was it just because she was different to them?

A scratching sound at the door drew her attention, her glum face rearranging, her mouth forming a wide smile and her eyes opening wide in excitement.

‘Niji!’ Lilly said, getting off her bed and making her way to the door, the number of times she had made this journey told in the precision of her footsteps and the hand reaching out and touching the handle first time.

‘You know he’s not meant to come in our bedroom.’ Akira said, with little to no heart behind her words. Akira loved Niji too.

‘It’s aaaaaaaaaages until anyone else will be home, isn’t it?’ Lilly asked, running her hands through her dog’s fur, burying her face into his back and smelling his husky scent. Niji was almost her favourite smell and feel. Almost.

‘Yeah I guess we’ve got a while, just don’t let him on your b-‘ Akira’s instruction tapers off to a sigh as Lilly jumps onto her bed, patting her hands on her knees, inviting Niji to join her. He does. Niji likes beds. He used to sleep in bed with Lilly, but when she got bigger there wasn’t really enough room, and her uncle and aunty, or whoever they were, didn’t like ‘The Dog’ going upstairs.

The rest of the evening passed rather uneventfully, the sound of Akira’s pen scratching across paper as she did her homework, the sounds of something not very interesting on TV, Niji’s warmth as he cuddled up next to her.

Lilly heard the door downstairs open and close, a sound which Akira had completely missed.

‘They’re home.’ She told her sister, twirling some soft fur around her finger.

Another naughty word, one that Lilly hadn’t heard before, followed by the door to their room being slowly opened.

‘Off you go Niji, go!’ Akira whispered into the dog’s ear, giving it a light pat on the backside to get it up and moving. Giving out a miserable whine and rubbing his head against Lilly’s outstretched palm, Niji got up and made for the door, feet padding across the floor as he went.



She was prepared for the push this time, having heard footsteps coming up behind her. Instead of falling forward she extended her leg, the momentum pushing her forward for a couple of steps before coming to a standstill. She knew they would just keep pushing her and she was only prolonging the inevitable, but she didn’t care anymore. She was tired of it. A pair of hands grabbed her shoulders from behind, accompanied by the sound of laughter. She felt the arms tense up for another shove, but then there was a dull thud sound, and the arms were off her shoulders.

Unaware of what was happening at the time, it wasn’t until later that she found out Akira had ditched her after school club so she could come and meet her earlier. Upon finding the scene of her younger sister surrounded by a group of four older boys, Akira had gone almost crazy. By the time the boy who had his hands on Lilly was on the floor, hands clutching at the front of his trousers, the other boys were gone, scattered.

As they walked off Lilly was sure she heard the sound of a muted impact, the kind of sound that could be made by a shoe connecting with soft flesh. She wasn’t sure.

She wondered if she could sneak Niji into her room again tonight?

Re: Scattered Scenes - 'Comforts' added 5/1

Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 6:04 pm
by Brogurt
>Comfort Lilly
>Refuse

Why do you always post these on /vg/ in pastebins prior to posting them on the forums?

Re: Scattered Scenes - 'Comforts' added 5/1

Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 6:10 pm
by BlackRockHanako
Brogurt wrote:>Comfort Lilly
>Refuse

Why do you always post these on /vg/ in pastebins prior to posting them on the forums?
I post them one after the other at around the same time, not everyone in the KSG goes on the forums and vice versa, I guess. Or do you mean why don't I just post them here and link here in the threads? If so, I don't know really, I guess.

I also totally thought of the >comfort thing after posting it, but couldn't be bothered to change it.

Scattered Scenes - 'Hanako, TUW' added 5/7

Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 6:04 am
by BlackRockHanako
Hanako, The Ultimate Weapon

While Saikano is, undoubtedly, one of the worse anime series I have seen (Apart from the OVA, which was actually pretty decent due to lack of Shuji) I felt the sudden urge to write this. Who knows!

--------------------------

High above the city a figure flies through the air, the faint light being given off by it just about visible against the black night sky. From the ground you could be forgiven for thinking you were looking up a shooting star or an airplane making its way across the cloudless sky.

If you got a closer look you’d notice that it was neither of these things. Perhaps the first thing you would notice is the source of the light, the large white wings jutting out of the figure, now recognisable as a female. The wings protrude from the centre of her back and are noticeably some kind of mechanical construction, the jagged edges and gleaming surfaces expelling any notion of naturalness.

As she zips through the sky the woman’s hair blows out behind her, a dark mass blending in perfectly to her black backdrop. Her eyes are thinned to slits to minimise the amount air rushing into them and drying them out, not to mention any bugs or bits of debris that may that may be floating about.

Were you close enough you might even notice the tears tracking their way down the left side of her face, running down her smooth cheeks. The small droplets of liquid reflect the light emanating from the protrusions on her back, glinting like a hail of tiny diamonds until they reach her chin, dropping into the night air and falling downwards.

She’s crying because she shouldn’t be here. There’s somewhere else she should be, somewhere that she’d rather be. But she has little to no choice in the matter.

Suddenly snapping her head to one side the woman’s vision in her right eye zooms in on a series of faint lights out to sea. Through the bright green filter in her eye that allows night vision a small targeting reticle darts about, jumping from one light source to the next as her sight zooms in and out on them. As it locks onto each light some lines of text are displayed at the corner of her vision, confirming that these are enemy ships.

As she draws closer the information being fed to her increases, highlighting weak spots and gun emplacements, along with an overall threat level – Minimal.

About 200 meters away from the ships she leans backwards, coming to a complete standstill in a standing position. The wings on her back spread out from their slicked back flight position to either side of her in their battle position, the mechanical components completely silent as they slide about to reposition themselves.

[I’m in position.] The figure reports, her stuttering voice picked up by the comm link inserted in her skull.

[Ready weapons.] Comes the reply, a gruff male voice in her ears.

Squeezing her eyes shut the woman nods to herself, gritting her teeth together to stifle a cry as the scarred flesh on her right arm peels back to reveal a nest of artificial parts. With her eyes still shut she can feel her arm rearranging itself, the wires and pieces of lightweight material rearranging themselves with a series of scraping sounds and the hiss of air being expelled from pistons.

Once the movement stops her eyes open, one purple and glistening and the other mechanical and lifeless, the iris a green colour with tiny text and images barely visible to an outsider. Where her right arm was there is now a long hollow barrel extending from her shoulder, its smooth surface broken every now and then by mechanical protrusions.

[Take aim, fire on my mark.]

In response to the command she raises her left arm, the connection between the targeting systems in her eyes and the rest of her body making sure every single shot she fires will count. The ships below her have carried on moving while this has been going on, apparently not seeing, or not worrying about the faint light in the sky above them.

[Fire!]

The woman yelps a little as the command is given, a clunking sound emanating from her chest as a shell is chambered in the cannon sticking out of her shoulder. The reticle in her eye darts around madly for a second, gauging wind speed and trajectory before coming to a standstill on the side of the lead ship close to the water. Taking a deep breath the woman sends the command from her brain to her mechanical arm, her whole body recoiling backwards as the round fires at high velocity.

The shell hasn’t even connected with the first ship by the time a new one is loaded and the targeting reticle has settled on a new target. With the backdrop of a large explosion and a cacophony of screams, easily detectable with her enhanced hearing, she fires the second of many shells, pushing the thought of the lives being lost below out from her mind.


-----------------------------


Recoiling slightly at first against the skin contact, Hanako’s grip soon tightened on the hand resting against her own. She knew what she had to say, but it was just so hard. Nobody had ever treated her the way Hisao treated her before, like an equal, like somebody whose existence actually mattered.

As her eyes lowered to the conjoined hands, she noticed the scars on her own and felt sick. This was the reason she couldn’t be with Hisao anymore, the reason she could never be close to anybody. She was dangerous.

‘Hanako?’

Dragging her gaze up to meet Hisao’s she saw the concern in his eyes, unable to meet them for more than a split second before looking away, her eyes scanning aimlessly across the grassy field they were standing on.

‘Hanako…are you okay? I thought we were going to eat together last night, but you never showed up…’

When Hisao repositions himself in her line of sight Hanako turns her head again, staring down at the floor and fighting back the tears that want to flow from her remaining eye. The sudden feeling of arms being wrapped around her makes her cringe, fighting backwards to escape the unwanted…undeserved, hug.

Once free of his grip she manages to look at his face again, her vision slightly blurred but still able to make out the concern written all over it.

‘Is…everything okay?’ he asks her, keeping a respectful distance away.

She sniffs loudly and takes a couple of deep breaths before answering.

‘I d-don’t…d-deserve this!’ she almost shouts at him, the loudness of her voice freezing him in place.

‘What do you mean Hanako? You DO deserve this, more than anybody else Hanako, you’re-‘

‘N-no! I’m a bad p-person. People g-get hurt b-because of me! I d-don’t want to hurt y-you…’ her voice trails off to a barely audible whisper.

With a look of worry on his face Hisao takes a step towards Hanako, cradling her cheek in his hand and gently moving her head upwards until their eyes meet.

‘What do you mean you hurt people? You’ve never hurt me or Lilly, or anybody else. Please, Hanako, what is this about?’

She stares into his eyes for a few seconds, tears now running down her cheeks, before she takes a step back, out of his grasp. Her vision returns to the grass at her feet and it’s a few seconds more before she answers, heaving sobs coming out between her words.

‘I d-don’t…w-want…t-to be your…g-girlfriend.’

They might have been the hardest words she’d ever had to say, and it wasn’t exactly true. She did want to be his girlfriend. Being with Hisao made her feel more alive than she could ever remember feeling.

But then she remembers who she is…what she is. A machine. A killer. It’s too dangerous for Hisao to be around her, she is a high priority target for the enemy now, after all. And what about if she lost control and accidentally hurt him herself?

She couldn’t let that happen.

[Ikezawa, return to base now for briefing, top priority!] Someone barks the order into her head.

The timing isn’t great, but she knows that she can’t refuse the order. Turning around she takes a step forward, pausing but not turning to face Hisao she manages a small goodbye.

‘B-bye…Hisao.’

‘Hanako…I won’t let it end like this, I love you! Where are you going?’ He adds as an afterthought, seeing her walking away from the school buildings.

Her step falters slightly but she manages to correct it before falling over.

‘N-nowhere. Please g-go back to s-school.’

‘I’m not giving up on you like this! I’ll talk to you later!’ He shouts after her, the words making the tears fall even faster down her face.

Once in the cover of the thick forest surrounding the school Hanako taps into her mechanical systems, crying out as the scars on her back contort and split open to allow for her wings to break free. Forcing their way with ease through the fabric of her shirt the metal wings spread out behind her, lifting her effortlessly into the air.

She breaks through the tree canopies and up into the sky past the clouds, as good as invisible with the midday sun masking the light emanating from her.

‘I’m s-sorry, Hisao. I’m a bad p-person.’

[Ikezawa heading for base, estimated time until arrival five minutes.]