And to Live in Peace -Post Hanako's Good End- (Ch4 up)

[Ascended Flutist]

Post no longer reserved for future update. Due to one extra page worth of feedback for Ch2, I have decided to release Ch3 in page 4, so that the actual chapter and subsequent feedback wouldn't be too out-of-sync.

I beg for thy forgiveness, Ô Almighty Moderator.

Alright, annoucement time :

From Wednesday the 25th of April to Satursday the 19th of May (included), I will be inside a magnificent shitstorm of exams. Which means that during this time (not before, not after), I will be unable to continue writing. I will still be able to respond to feedback in this thread, however.

Chapter 3 is on its way, but unless someone ships me a time-dilating device (which is, let us admit it, rather unlikely), it will not be completed before the 25th.

That means that the next update will only occur after the 19th of May. And to Live in Peace is not finished, and chances are I will survive through these four weeks. Just don't expect anything tangible before the 19th.

Thank you to those who understand, as for those who do not, feel free to eat a brick.

[Brogurt]

Is grinding the brick up and snorting it acceptable?

[Ascended Flutist]

No snorting. The brick has to go through your mouth, otherwise it doesn't count as eating. Therefore, you cannot mix it with liquid either, that would count as drinking. A paste is okay though.

[griffon8]

Adding Miki makes anything better.

[Mentlegen]

Love it, I can't wait for the next chapter.

[Elcor]

Really great story I can't wait for the next chapter. The Hypoglycemia was not what I expected and it was interesting.

As for the exams give'em hell.

[Mirage_GSM]

Because Mutou has written [Maxwell's equations] on the blackboard, and is making a point of telling us they're important.

I guess they might be important to recognize in a historical sense, since they did help scientists understand light, but I can't think of many high school students who can actually do line integrals or partial derivatives. Therefore, it seems strange to me that Mutou would insist that writing them out is important.

While I don't remember actually doing Maxwell's equations in physics, Line integrals and partial derivatives was what we did for the majority of 12th and 13th grade High School...

Oh, and adding Miki to the scene is really a huge improvement - and not just because it's Miki!

[Daitengu]

Reading it a second time I noticed a bit of specifics heh

[ Congratulations Hicchan ! ]

I look over to Misha. She's grinning widely, both hands forming thumbs up. Word sure travels fast here. Then again, we weren't exactly subtle yesterday. Blushing, I reply [ Thanks. ] nervously, then pass the note back.

[ Shicchan says : You two took your time. I agree, what took you so long ? ]

Prying a little, are we ? Recovering a bit from my initial embarrassment, I grin as I jot down my obviously vague answer.

[ There was a miscommunication. We got better. ]

It's a very non emotional response for something I think would be emotional. If something to the effect of the blue text was added, it'd add emotional content.

We step inside the classroom and apologize for being late. Sixteen pair of eyes stare at us, often with the associated smirk. Hanako's grip on my hand tightens. As Hanako seats at her table, I move over to Mutou, handing him Nurse's note. Most of the eyes are gazing at me.

Should read as:

We step inside the classroom and apologize for being late. Sixteen pair of eyes stare at us, often with the associated smirk. Hanako's grip on my hand tightens momentarily then releases as she quietly moves to takes her seat. I head over to Mutou, handing him Nurse's note. Most of the eyes are gazing at me.



As for the additions you made. I can say with confidence that your chapter definitely flows better now.

[Ascended Flutist]

It came out non-emotional because Hisao not only had thirty minutes to recover from the initial embarrassment, but also he's only dealing with Misha, a friend. He can manage to remain aloof, and his answers are purposefully aloof, so as to deter her.
Same goes with Miki, where he only goes "holy shit DAMAGE CONTROL !" when she's about to reveal something important about their relationship that Hanako doesn't know (will be exploited folks.)

Take a look at how he does react in Hanako's route : In the scene where he goes back from his shopping trip with Hanako, when Misha call them out for being 'lovebirds', he remains utterly calm, throws a rebuttal and thanks Hanako.
In the scene where he confesses to Miki that he might love Hanako, he still manages to keep his cool and tries to make sure she doesn't start gossiping 'round.

Hisao is not utterly clueless about everything. He knows when he can afford to fight teh gossiping beast, and when a 'tactical retreat' is preferable. If a squad of rumourmongering feminists had come into the kitchen, or caught them on their way to the dorms, he would've been toasted, and I would've made it emotional. There it's just one on one "friendly" exchanges.

Should read as:

We step inside the classroom and apologize for being late. Sixteen pair of eyes stare at us, often with the associated smirk. Hanako's grip on my hand tightens momentarily then releases as she quietly moves to takes her seat. I head over to Mutou, handing him Nurse's note. Most of the eyes are gazing at me.

That definitely is better. Mind if his heartlessly copy/paste this ?

As for the additions you made. I can say with confidence that your chapter definitely flows better now.

adding Miki to the scene is really a huge improvement - and not just because it's Miki!

Adding Miki makes anything better.

My writing skills are augmented. But yeah, I thought adding Miki would pique your interest. Miki is like that spice that you taste and think it's really good, but then you kinda forget it, and everytime you taste it again, your face lights up in delight and recognition.

Love it, I can't wait for the next chapter.

Really great story I can't wait for the next chapter. The Hypoglycemia was not what I expected and it was interesting.

Glad you love it. I do try to have some suspense here and there, so that you won't fall asleep reading them.

As for the exams give'em hell.

Oh, I shall. And might I say, your avatar made me laugh.

[Daitengu]

It came out non-emotional because Hisao not only had thirty minutes to recover from the initial embarrassment, but also he's only dealing with Misha, a friend. He can manage to remain aloof, and his answers are purposefully aloof, so as to deter her.
Same goes with Miki, where he only goes "holy shit DAMAGE CONTROL !" when she's about to reveal something important about their relationship that Hanako doesn't know (will be exploited folks.)

Take a look at how he does react in Hanako's route : In the scene where he goes back from his shopping trip with Hanako, when Misha call them out for being 'lovebirds', he remains utterly calm, throws a rebuttal and thanks Hanako.
In the scene where he confesses to Miki that he might love Hanako, he still manages to keep his cool and tries to make sure she doesn't start gossiping 'round.

Hisao is not utterly clueless about everything. He knows when he can afford to fight teh gossiping beast, and when a 'tactical retreat' is preferable. If a squad of rumourmongering feminists had come into the kitchen, or caught them on their way to the dorms, he would've been toasted, and I would've made it emotional. There it's just one on one "friendly" exchanges.

Fair enough, he is portrayed as a lil nerve dead when it comes to things that would make a typical person embarrassed. Which is odd, considering he got a heart attack from being confessed to. I wonder if that was a conscious decision so the player could "fit in his shoes" so to speak more, than if he expressed his emotions, or if it was just writing style. Because he was also rather nerve dead when Hanako had that panic attack. We don't know exactly what he felt while it was going on as much as the actions he took. Probably why I was never really able to empathize with Hisao as much as the girls, who's emotions were written about.

That definitely is better. Mind if his heartlessly copy/paste this ?

Go right ahead ^.^

[Ascended Flutist]

Fair enough, he is portrayed as a lil nerve dead when it comes to things that would make a typical person embarrassed. Which is odd, considering he got a heart attack from being confessed to. I wonder if that was a conscious decision so the player could "fit in his shoes" so to speak more, than if he expressed his emotions.

Confronting a friend who's teasing you about your crush and confronting your crush are two entirely different things.
Moreover, neither Miki nor Misha are close friend with Hanako, so Hisao can act detached with them with little consequences. That and the fact he's still very reserved about his relationship with her at the point when the scenes occurs.

I decided to have him have a similar reaction here, because he's confident in his relationship with her.

If, let's say, the exchange with Miki and Misha occured in a Mendācium sort of situation (aka, 'major shit's goin' down in our relationship'), Hisao would have been a lot more tense, and rightly so. But since he sees his relationship as 'stable', he isn't really worried by the gossips, just annoyed. The fact that he was embarrassed by the stares was more crowd scare than anything else.

If Hisao had that sort of conversation with Lilly however (Brogurt did something like that in his chocolatey fanfics, I believe), he would have been a lot more tense, due to their being close friend. Letting your crush's best friend and sole confidante judge your intentions towards said crush is not comfortable. (unless you glow with alpha power.)

Go right ahead ^.^

Yay !

[Daitengu]

Confronting a friend who's teasing you about your crush and confronting your crush are two entirely different things.
Moreover, neither Miki nor Misha are close friend with Hanako, so Hisao can act detached with them with little consequences. That and the fact he's still very reserved about his relationship with her at the point when the scenes occurs.

I decided to have him have a similar reaction here, because he's confident in his relationship with her.

If, let's say, the exchange with Miki and Misha occured in a Mendācium sort of situation (aka, 'major shit's goin' down in our relationship'), Hisao would have been a lot more tense, and rightly so. But since he sees his relationship as 'stable', he isn't really worried by the gossips, just annoyed. The fact that he was embarrassed by the stares was more crowd scare than anything else.

I'm just thinking of it as a teen having his first girlfriend. Hard to count Iwanako as a first(having been bed ridden the whole time). First time nervousness interacting with people in a school setting in regards to a relationship.

Though instead of embarrassed, he could have taken it the wrong way and have been offended by thinking Shizune and Misha were 'teasing' him. Cause they like to do that. It's not like he has the best track record with S&M in Hanako's story. It's like, all their interactions have gone sour half way though.

Even just smirking and congratulating himself on responding vaguely would be something.

I dunno. SOMETHING besides just robo-Hisao. S&M leave him alone after Hanako has her attack. he's atleast gotta be suspicious of their motives for rekindling communication with him. hmm, that could be an interesting event or even a whole chapter. Hell, even a whole arc of a jealous Shizune interfering with Hisao and Hanako.

If Hisao had that sort of conversation with Lilly however (Brogurt did something like that in his chocolatey fanfics, I believe), he would have been a lot more tense, due to their being close friend. Letting your crush's best friend and sole confidante judge your intentions towards said crush is not comfortable. (unless you glow with alpha power.)

I guess I'm weird in that I think it's the opposite with Hisao. Every time he gets closer to someone he's more forthcoming. At the very least it's required to not get a bad end lol.

[Roamin12]

I am enjoying the story thus far, though like others have said, there is quite a bit of dead air in there towards the end.

Post reserved for future update.

Alright, annoucement time :

From Wednesday the 25th of April to Satursday the 19th of May (included), I will be inside a magnificent shitstorm of exams. Which means that during this time (not before, not after), I will be unable to continue writing. I will still be able to respond to feedback in this thread, however.

Chapter 3 is on its way, but unless someone ships me a time-dilating device (which is, let us admit it, rather unlikely), it will not be completed before the 25th.

That means that the next update will only occur after the 19th of May. And to Live in Peace is not finished, and chances are I will survive through these four weeks. Just don't expect anything tangible before the 19th.

Thank you to those who understand, as for those who do not, feel free to eat a brick.

I understand, I have exams coming up too and they are going to drain all my energy and free time like a leech.

[Ascended Flutist]

I am enjoying the story thus far, though like others have said, there is quite a bit of dead air in there towards the end.

At which point exactly ? I honestly thought the Enhanced Edition addressed that.

*Thoughts and ideas*

Those are interesting. I'll put it in the idle brainstorming area, though you won't see much of it in Ch3.

I guess I'm weird in that I think it's the opposite with Hisao. Every time he gets closer to someone he's more forthcoming. At the very least it's required to not get a bad end lol.

Fair point. I guess he wouldn't be reluctant, just a tad nervous. Maybe. If I had to guess.

[Roamin12]

I am enjoying the story thus far, though like others have said, there is quite a bit of dead air in there towards the end.

At which point exactly ? I honestly thought the Enhanced Edition addressed that.

I didn't realize you had changed it. I read it actually before any other posts were made, I just was temp banned when I read it so I commented on this when the ban was lifted. I just re-read it though and it reads a lot better and there isn't much dead air this time around, I like the enhanced version much more.