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Good story, one error stood out to me though:

Keiji lights up a cigarette as you pour the foaming amber liquid from the pitcher into two small glasses. "Kampai," you say softly.

The two of you clink glasses together and drink. You down yours in one huge gulp and start to pour a second. Keiji sips his slowly, then takes his cigarettes from his jacket pocket and lights one up.

He should only do this once, not twice.

Wind Slasher wrote:Good story, one error stood out to me though:

Keiji lights up a cigarette as you pour the foaming amber liquid from the pitcher into two small glasses. "Kampai," you say softly.

The two of you clink glasses together and drink. You down yours in one huge gulp and start to pour a second. Keiji sips his slowly, then takes his cigarettes from his jacket pocket and lights one up.

He should only do this once, not twice.

Chain smoking is a bad vice.

themocaw wrote:<snip> ...not Professor Akio Mutou's diatribes. "You're going to be fantastic." <snip>

A Ninth Doctor reference for the Tenth Doctor look-alike. I see what you did there.

You do know that in Shizune's route Yuuko tells Hisao that she didn't go to school at Yamaku, right?

Otakumon wrote:You do know that in Shizune's route Yuuko tells Hisao that she didn't go to school at Yamaku, right?

Crap.

Umm. . .

NAME'S THE SAME, DIFFERENT CHARACTER!

. . . maybe if I stay very quiet they'll believe it.

I feel like there are elements of two or three really good stories here, but as is it seems kinda disjointed and mediocre. Also, the Saki bits in the beginning wound up feeling like a bit of a bait and switch later; you're evil, tempting us like that! Also, I have an irrational dislike of second person stories, which doesn't help.

Still, I do like the background for Mutou, and I like his brother a lot. Lots you can do with both in the future should you feel so inclined.

Emi's father died rushing to the hospital after she was in a separate accident.

themocaw wrote:

Otakumon wrote:You do know that in Shizune's route Yuuko tells Hisao that she didn't go to school at Yamaku, right?

Crap.

Umm. . .

NAME'S THE SAME, DIFFERENT CHARACTER!

. . . maybe if I stay very quiet they'll believe it.

That just makes me think of the story on here (not sure but probably Kosher) where Yuuko meets doppelganger same name and everything.

I am excited to see this! I don't think I've seen a Muto fic before. I'll be waiting for more.

waynoinsano wrote:Emi's father died rushing to the hospital after she was in a separate accident.

You can interpret that passage that way - I did at first as well - but I do believe he was in the same accidentand died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.

Lothbrok wrote:That just makes me think of the story on here (not sure but probably Kosher) where Yuuko meets doppelganger same name and everything.

Yup. Kosher

Guestimate wrote:I am excited to see this! I don't think I've seen a Muto fic before. I'll be waiting for more.

Mutou. Akio Mutou.
Sadly unfinished...

themocaw wrote:

Otakumon wrote:You do know that in Shizune's route Yuuko tells Hisao that she didn't go to school at Yamaku, right?

Crap.

Umm. . .

NAME'S THE SAME, DIFFERENT CHARACTER!

. . . maybe if I stay very quiet they'll believe it.

Oh yeah, definitely believable given that if the other students we know would still be incoming first-years, the same would be true of Kenji.

Mirage_GSM wrote:

waynoinsano wrote:Emi's father died rushing to the hospital after she was in a separate accident.

You can interpret that passage that way - I did at first as well - but I do believe he was in the same accidentand died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.

Glad I'm not the only one who interpreted it that way. Besides, Emi obviously had to be a passenger during the accident in which she lost her legs (she'd be much too young to drive), so it would only make sense that her father was driving her at the time.

Glad I'm not the only one who interpreted it that way.

Honestly, when I read that passage in Emi's story, I didn't think there was any other way it could work. Short of two horrific accidents happening on the same day - one involving Emi, and the other involving her father - which I think would have been elaborated upon were it the case, he had to have died in the ambulance after the two of them were in the same accident.

Also, there's a line in the scene about how her legs were basically amputated in the accident - which is unlikely unless she's in the car, which means she wasn't run over. If there were two accidents, then her mother would have to have been driving with Emi, and I doubt she could have walked away totally unscathed as she appears in the game after the same accident that cut off her daughter's legs. Nor would it have been a subject the author would intentionally avoid or forget to mention.

I might be over-thinking this a little, but when you examine the possibilities, the only logical, reasonable conclusion is that Emi was in the car with her father driving, there was an accident - seemingly a head-on collision - that caused heavy trauma to her father - probably internal bleeding - and shore Emi's legs off in the process. Emi was extracted and stabilized - later recovering - but, the internal injuries sustained by her father were too severe and he died in the ambulance.

I need to stop watching CSI...

This is amazing.

I hate that. Every time I read your works I end up ashamed at the sheer mediocrity of my own work.

Well done, though. Easily one of the best I've read.

Every reference I see to Keiji Mutou, this is the guy I see in my head:

Keiji Mutoh, more widely known as The Great Muta, professional wrestler/promoter.

BaldBombshell wrote:Every reference I see to Keiji Mutou, this is the guy I see in my head:
http://www.japanupdate.com/img/2013/03/MutohKeiji2.jpg
Keiji Mutoh, more widely known as The Great Muta, professional wrestler/promoter.

Put him in a trench coat and make his beard less white and that's actually pretty accurate.