New Experiences Ch 7
“...somewhere else, and escape from reality...”
What are we running from?
“...felt better since I've made more...”
I prefer the blueberry ones.
“...didn't have to be nice, but he was, it...”
They are nice. I don't need any though.
“...Naomi?”
“I don't want any.”
“Naomi, can you hear me?”
“She doesn't.” I told her, I don't need any.
“Naomi, It's Hanako.”
“Hanako? You're here?” Why is she here. She didn't have to make any. I've got enough.
“Yes, I'm here.” That's nice. I can get more if I need them.
“I don't want a muffin.”
“That's fine Naomi.” She's so nice. That's why she bakes stuff for me.
“Naomi, you had a seizure.” I open my eyes.
“...What?” A seizure?
“You had a seizure Naomi.” Is that why she made me muffins? She didn't have to. I only need my medication and some time to rest.
I look above me and see the ceiling. There is light filtering through the window. It's daytime. Hanako is sitting to my right. I think I'm on the floor.
“Why am I on the floor?” I feel weird.
“You had a seizure Naomi” Ah, that's right. She said that before.
“Can...can you help me sit up...please?” She does. She is nice. I move over and lean against the wall. I still feel tired and I know from experience not to get too cocky too quickly.
"When did...how long was I out?"
"Y-you were shaking for about one minute, and you've been unconscious for twelve. T-the seizure started at 10:28"
"How do you know the exact times?" Did I tell her to? I probably did.
She shows me a piece of paper that she's apparently been holding the entire time.
"You gave me this list of things to do if you had a seizure." Oh yeah, that's right. I guess that explains why she was talking to me as well.
I sit against the wall for a few minutes and try to get my bearings. I don't usually feel it, but when I do have a seizure, the worst part is recovering afterwards. I feel weird and confused, and sometimes see stuff that isn't there.
I look around the room, now somewhat more self-aware than I was a minute ago. Things don't feel right, but I know where I am now. It's our room at the inn. I can talk, and I can't taste blood, so I haven't bitten my tongue this time. One of my pillows is where my head was, and everything else has been at least partially pushed away from me. My sight is a little weird, but I'm not seeing anything that I shouldn't be.
And my socks are wet. Why are my socks wet? My jeans are wet as well. Did I spill something? I reach over to touch the damp patch, and from where it is, I realise what's happened.
"I've wet myself..." What the hell.
"I know. I d-didn't know what to do, so I put a towel between your legs."
She had to put a towel between my legs? This is humiliating. I just pissed myself in front of Hanako. I've leaked a little before, but this is just unfair.
"Sorry. This doesn't usually happen."
"At least you didn't get hurt."
I guess that is true. I fell against a table once; caught the edge on the back of my head. That only made the seizure worse. I want to go for a shower, but I know full well I shouldn't.
"Did I take my medication today?" If I didn't that could explain why I had one.
"No, do you want it now?"
"Please." She fetches the container with my meds inside, and after taking them, I ask her to fetch me another set of trousers. Specifically, my cotton ones - at least with them I don't have to wear underwear until I have a shower.
"Just give me a minute to put these on. I still don't feel one hundred percent yet." As I say that, she sits on her futon and turns around so she's facing away from me. God, my heads killing me. I take off trousers and underwear and replace them with my cotton bottoms. Just as I'm finishing Hanako speaks up.
"I'm sorry." She's starting to cry.
"Why are you sorry?" She faces me, but seems reluctant to do so.
"You're seizure was my fault." Oh. Maybe I should have asked how it happened sooner, it is supposed to be one of my first priorities. Maybe if I hadn't pissed myself...
"We were...I was shouting at you, and you tried to tell me you were h-having one, but I w-was...I-" I cut her off before she breaks down any further.
"Please calm down. I've had seizures before. It's nothing new to me. I know it's new to you, but please don't think it's your fault when I do have one. You don't like it when people act differently around you because of your scars, so I don't want you to not get pissed at me just because I have epilepsy."
She nods and smiles at my explanation, but it seems forced, and she still looks rather upset. Feeling I'm well enough to move, I get up and sit by her side, and give her a hug, just to show that there's no need for to feel guilty. But...
"What were we arguing about?"
She seems hesitant to talk about it, but after a deep breath, she seems willing to continue. Was it that bad?
"It was about why you keep hiding in the bathroom..."
Is that why she was shouting at me? Because I told her I'm gay? No. Please no. I wouldn't have just told her out of the blue. Or did I? Does she hate it that much?
"I'm sorry, I thought it was-"
Hanako quickly interrupts me. "It wasn't because you're a lesbian. I didn't know that until right before you had the seizure."
I'm glad. She doesn't seem to be bothered either. Maybe she doesn't care.
"And...it doesn't bother you?"
She looks towards me nervously, it reminds me of the look Natsume gave me when I told her, except Hanako doesn't look as...worried about it as Natsume did.
"I-I...no. It doesn't bother me. After what I've been through, I wouldn't hate someone for being different."
It doesn't bother her. She doesn't care. I'm glad. She truly is a nice person, despite how other people perceive her. I can feel myself smiling. It feels good that she's accepted me. Then something else comes into mind.
"Then...why were we arguing."
"It was my fault. I thought you were going to the bathroom to try and avoid seeing my...scars. I thought...you were only nice to me because you pitied me."
"Why would I pity you? You're my friend." Shit. Why did I just say that. I know I'm still a bit out of it, but of all the things I could have said.
"I know but...some people still treat me like a child. They think they need to protect me. I know I stand out, and I know I'm socially awkward; I don't need others pointing it out for me. That's why it was nice having Hisao to hang around with. Even though he could see my scars, he didn't treat me like glass. We played chess, and did stuff together. We still do, but it's back then that made the most difference to me."
"Did you...like Hisao?" I've always wondered; she speaks of him so fondly, almost as much as she does of Lilly.
"For a while, maybe, but I could tell he and Lilly liked each other."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I've never been in a relationship before, so I d-don't mind." Her logic seems off, but it still must have been hard for her, even if she did only like him a little. Her only friends hooking up like that; it must have made her feel like a third wheel.
"I've never been in a relationship either, but I'm guessing my reasons are a bit different from yours." I try and let out a small forced laugh, but I think she can tell.
"D-don't worry, you'll find someone."
"Thanks, I know." I puff out my chest and let off a sarcastic, overly confident smile. "You'll find someone too, Hanako."
"If I'm lucky." She smiling, but I can tell that must have stung a little, even if she was the one that said it.
"Don't talk like that; you're just putting yourself down."
"I'm not putting myself down, I'm being r-realistic. I have to be."
"If it's about your scars, I don't know if it's any consolation...but I think you're pretty." I don't know if she'll take this the wrong way, but I have to say something to pick her up. "I mean, if I'm into girls and I think so, there must be others who think the same."
She turns a deep shade of crimson at my comment, and a small smile appears on her face. It isn't like I'm lying, I do think she's pretty. Actually, I think she's more than just pretty, but I keep that to myself.
"I'm gonna go for my shower now. I'm not a big fan of smelling like pee." Maybe I shouldn't have hugged her...
"Will you be okay?"
"Yeah, I'll just get clean then get out. I don't feel totally fine yet, but I need to have a shower."
"What about, t-the floor?"
"We can use my towel. Since we have to wash my clothes now anyway..."
After once again getting over the embarrassment of wetting myself, I go for a quick shower and get into yet another clean set of clothes. I doubt we'll be able to do a lot today, seeing as it usually takes me a good few hours to get completely back to normal after a seizure. I'm okay to talk and stuff, but my eyesight isn't what it should be, and I still have a really disorientating headache.
After a few hours of rest, which my head is more than thankful for, I sit with Hanako at the coffee table reading my manga. After a few short minutes, Hanako suddenly speaks up. She's sitting to my right, the book she was reading now closed.
"Naomi..."
"Yeah?"
"Did...did you really mean what you said before? About me being pretty."
I reply without hesitation.
"Yes. I did. And it wasn't because I pitied you, or because I felt it was what you wanted to hear. I said it because it's what I really think."
She sits there silently for a few seconds, before finally lifting her head. She then does something that I didn't expect her to do.
She pulls back her hair.
"Do you still think that?" The nervousness of her previous question is now gone, and the words come out somewhat cold. Is this how she really feels about herself? Or does she seek reassurance that I'm telling the truth.
I gaze at her face, her whole face. I've seen some of her scarring before, but only through her hair. It feels different now that she's consciously showing me. The scars are worse on the side of her neck, but I can tell they're probably worse still on her shoulder. Her forehead has slightly more scarring than I suspected and the right side of her face gets gradually worse towards the back. The confident face she's attempted to keep while showing me slowly wavers, and a few tears start to slowly fall down her face. She's not really crying, but I can tell she's scared.
It's only then I realise how much this means to her. Lilly's blind, and from what I can tell, she's never properly shown Hisao her scars. I'm the first person she's done this for in a long time, if not her whole life.
"Showing me more of your scars won't change my mind. You are pretty Hanako. And I really wish you'd stop telling yourself you're not.”
She lets go of her hair, and her hands fall limp at her sides. She diverts her gaze away from my eyes, but at least she doesn't seem to be as nervous now. I move myself closer to her in a bid to calm her down.
“But it's hard. You say I'm pretty, and so do Lilly and Hisao. But no one else even tries to-”
“If those other people can't be bothered to look past your scars, then they don't deserve to be your friends. But you have to give as well. You have to accept others into your life just as they have to accept you. The only reason we became friends is because you came out of your shell, and I'm grateful you did. Your one of the nicest people I've ever met.”
My comments are greeted with a small smile from Hanako. Maybe it's because I'm being nice to her, but I'd like to think it's because I'm treating her like a real friend, rather than simply complimenting her until she cheers up.
"And I don't like to see you getting upset either, especially when it's kinda my fault. C'mere and give me a hug, then we can try to salvage what's left of today and do something."
I know I have my limits, but there must be something we can do nearby. I feel bad for letting today go to waste, since it basically is my fault.
We move in and share a hug, which I'll admit feels pretty good. She's soft and warm, and she smells like apples. Must be her shampoo. In the midst of embrace, Hanako says something next to my ear.
“You really have a lot of confidence in me.”
“Of course I do, and don't you forget it” I give her an extra squeeze when I say the last part.
As I begin to I pull away from the hug, Hanako grabs hold of my hand.
“Naomi, -can I, I mean, do you..." She doesn't seem to know what to say. Her mouth opens but nothing comes out. Rather than trying to correct herself, however, she takes a second to calm down, and quickly leans towards me...
...and kisses me.
Hanako kissed me. It was just a peck on the lips, but it was still a kiss. I'm...not sure how to feel. I like her, and she apparently likes me, but it feels weird. I didn't even think she was gay, and she only found out that I was this morning.
“Hanako, do you like me?”
“Y-yeah...I think so.”
“But...you used to like Hisao.”
“I know, but I-I...” She looks at me for a moment with a worried expression on her face, but returns to her explanation after composing herself.
“I used to like Lilly too.”
“So you're bisexual?” I never really thought of her as being bi. She just didn't seem like the type. Maybe I just focused too much on the fact the she liked Hisao; I didn't want to get my hopes up after all.
“P-probably, but I prefer girls...so...” Probably? I feel kinda bad prying into her sexual preferences, seeing as she already said she likes me, I shouldn't really be complaining. I wouldn't like it if she was doing the same to me.
At least something good came out of today...
WRITE MOAR!
