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Re: Tripping

Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2011 9:31 pm
by Mirage_GSM
Conjoined? You mean Siamese twins? No, they are identical twins but they are at Yamaku for being deaf-mute and are otherwise normal and healthy. The Chapter is probably a bit short because Mizuki and Misaki are Characters I find a bit harder to write than the others.
Also, I don't really have a story to tell for those two at this point, but I wanted to give each character an introductory chapter at the beginning. Once that is done, I'll use the characters as needed by the story.

Re: Tripping

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2011 5:34 am
by Mirage_GSM
Time for the next chapter - a bit longer this time:

Day 2, 13:30
I can think of few things more boring than being cooped up in a bus for a long journey, but today none of this matters. That is because thus I have the opportunity to be close to her. Right now she is sitting in the seat in front of me, occasionally commenting on something her friends are talking about, but mostly keeping to herself, probably staring out the window.

I wish I could somehow get her to notice me, but I am aware how remote that possibility is. I have no idea what she thinks of me or even if she still remembers who I am, the time we first met...

***

I shiver as the nurse places the cold diaphragm of the stethoscope on my back. „Now, cough please, Takumi.“

I do as I am told and the nurse moves the stethoscope over my back, listening here and there, until he finally removes it, apparently satisfied. „I think your bronchitis is as good as gone. You can return to class tomorrow, but...“

He is interrupted by the door opening. „Hey, knock before you come in, I'm having a patient... Oh it's you.“

I turn towards the door, trying to get a clue as to who it is that just barged into the nurse's office. Instead I hear the sound of the door being closed, followed by a loud knocking sound. The nurse sighs. „Come in.“

The door opens again, and this time the mysterious visitor actually starts to talk. „Ms. Miyagi sent me to get you. Naomi's been having a seizure in the cafeteria, and she hit a table, two trays of food and Natsume.“ A pause. „Naomi did, not Ms. Miyagi.“

The nurse curses under his breath. „You should have told me... Never mind. I'll be there immediately. Takumi, will you be alright?“

I nod. „Of course, Mr. ...“

„Good.“ The last thing I hear of him are his retreating footsteps and the door being slammed shut.

I sit on the chair, trying to piece together what just happened. Then I start feeling around for my shirt. Damn, I handed it to the nurse when I undressed. Where did he put it?

I freeze. Something's not right. Somehow I've got the feeling I'm not alone in the room. „Hello?“

„Hello!“ I almost jump from my chair. It's the voice of the girl who just came in. Why didn't she leave with the nurse?

The room is silent again. And chilly. And I still can't find my shirt. „Excuse me, do you see my shirt anywhere?“

„Yes.“

I wait for more of a reaction, but none is forthcoming. „Could you please hand it to me?“

„No.“

That stops me dead in my tracks. „Why not?“

„Because I don't have any.“

My confusion is mounting. „I'm sorry, you don't have any shirts?“

„No, I don't have any hands.“

„Oh... I'm sorry.“

„Why? I'm not mad at you for having some.“

„No, I mean, I'm sorry for not noticing.“

„How could you? You're blind, aren't you?

I have nothing to reply to that. Instead I try another approach. „Could you please tell me where my shirt is? I don't know where the nurse put it.“

Instead of an answer I hear footsteps and then my shirt is placed in my hand. „I thought you said, you didn't have hands?“

„I did.“

„Then how did you pick up my shirt?“

„With my feet. How else?“

How else indeed... As I put on my shirt again, I hear her moving towards the door.“ Wait! What's your name?“

She stops. „Oh, I'm Rin.“ She pauses as if she were uncertain whether to ask for mine. „And you?“

„I'm Takumi. Nice to meet you.“ I pick up my cane that was leaning against the desk and rise. I try to find something else to say to her, but my mind comes up empty.

The silence between us begins to stretch uncomfortably, then I hear her turning around and heading for the door again. „Where are you going?“ I blurt out the question without thinking.

„To the art room. Club meeting started a while ago.“ With that she turns around a final time and leaves me standing alone in the nurse's office.

***

And that had been it. Since that day I haven't been able to get her out of my head. I joined the Art Club a week later to meet her again, and though her appearances there are a bit irregular, I have come to enjoy her company very much.

More than painting, I'm afraid. Of course I tried it, and Mr. Nomiya even encouraged me, but I know that it can't really be any good without me being able to see what I'm doing. I was happy when Mr. Nomiya suggested sculpting, and since then I've come to enjoy that quite a bit.

However, since that day in January I haven't talked to Rin more than a few words and never alone. That's why I hoped that such an opportunity would present itself on the class trip, but...

„Hey, Takumi, you sleeping?“ Jun's voice is dragging me from my memories.

I feel my face flushing and turn around to look in his general direction. „No, I was...“ ...thinking about Rin? Not really a smart thing to say right now. „Well, maybe a bit. The view is pretty boring.“

That gets a laugh from all of them. Good nobody is going to follow up on this.

„Man, if you're trying to beat me at my game,“ Ooki chuckles, „let me tell you that nobody's managed that yet.“

That draws another round of laughter, and I turn my attention to the others for a while.

*****

You probably noticed that Takumi is the guy Rin mentions in "Things You Can Do"...

Re: Tripping

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2011 6:40 am
by scott1and
This was another good and its good to see Rin gettin a little love :mrgreen: . I'm surprised that this isn't getting as much attention as your other story but then again I cant talk for others tastes, I'm was just worried that you'd probably discontinue this due to lack of interest. You could do that if you wanted as there will always be more stories but it would still be a shame.

Re: Tripping

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2011 8:37 am
by Mirage_GSM
Even if I were to stop writing now, I still have a backlog of three and a half chapters, so you wouldn't notice right away.
I admit that I didn't write much these past two weeks, but that was due to a) holidays with limited computer access b) my coputer picking up a bad virus called Minecraft (sucks away the user's time) and c) some proofreading request for another VN translation project.
All three should be under control now, so I'll get back to writing a bit more.
Right now, I have the next 10-12 chapters roughly planned out.
Regarding the attention this story is getting... The chapters are short and many - I do not expect the readers to post after every one of them. (Of course I'm happy for every praise - and critique - I do get.)
Also, I am aware that the readership on these forums is limited to maybe two dozen people at most. I don't write these stories looking for fame ;-)

That said I do plan to discontinue writing this story (at least for a long time) when the full version of KS is released, because then I'll be busy with the translation. But I expect it will still be three or four months until then, so don't worry about it yet.

Re: Tripping

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2011 10:00 am
by moonpalace
Yeah, I hope you know I'm one of your fans since I reading this series.

It's a real delight for me to come each week and read latest installment. I love how your writing flows so smoothly, it's understated flavor is my favorite treat. If I were to describe your style and grasp of English and fiction, the previous sentence really sums up my appreciation. Seriously, whenever I come to check out your next chapter, I have an image in my mind of returning for food and I literally devour it.

Sorry for dishing out so many compliments (and using cheesy allusions) but that's about as succinctly as I can summarise my feelings.

btw I'm also really enjoying "these slice of life" episodes as I think someone put it. I laughed at the characters' observations and jokes you told, like the exchange with Ooki and Jun when they first met.

And you're going to translate the game when it's released? I can't think of a better person to take on the job. Will miss your stories though.

Re: Tripping

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2011 2:56 pm
by Petermeter
moonpalace wrote: It's a real delight for me to come each week and read latest installment. I love how your writing flows so smoothly.

btw I'm also really enjoying "these slice of life" episodes as I think someone put it. I laughed at the characters' observations and jokes you told, like the exchange with Ooki and Jun when they first met.
Totally share this opinion, though I read all the chapters before, they still deliver the character's feelings he or she has in their respective parts. That's what I like the most
moonpalace wrote: And you're going to translate the game when it's released? I can't think of a better person to take on the job. Will miss your stories though.
Actually Act 1 has already been translated (by a team Mirage is part of) into german.

Re: Tripping

Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2011 5:54 am
by Mirage_GSM
One small comment: Ooki and Jun didn't meet for the first time - both have been at Yamaku for some time.
And now for the next chapter:

Day 2, 16:45
It's been more than five hours since we left Sapporo, but it seems we're finally close to our destination. Just now, Mr. Nomiya stands up and makes an announcement, but I can't understand him over the noise of the engine. I turn around to Leon who is sitting in the row behind me.

We'll be there in ten minutes. He smiles at me, then turns to the twins and repeats his translation for them.

I look out of the window expectantly. We are entering a small town. This has to be Teshikaga. It looks like a nice little town, much like the one Yamaku is located in, but even more remote. From Yamaku, we can be in Sendai in less than an hour. Here...

While I'm still contemplating the town, the bus is leaving the city limits again and driving along a small road. Wasn't this Teshikaga after all?

However after about one more kilometre the bus pulls off the street and onto a small parking lot in front of a house.

The house is new and very modern compared to the other buildings in town. Maybe that's why it was built a bit outside the town. The walls are painted a bright white, and the unevenly slanted roof is covered with red plastic slabs. Still the large windows and the glass paned lobby make for a very friendly impression.

We get off the bus and take our baggage from the belly. I want to help Mai with her suitcase, but the new guy – I think his name was Yoshida – beats me to it. Just as well. I'd have had a hard time handling two suitcases anyway. When everyone is ready, Mr. Nomiya leads the way to the main entrance and into the lobby.

The lobby looks nice as well. There are a few couches in one corner and a wooden reception counter in the opposite one. Three doors lead to what seem to be the cafeteria, an office room and a corridor respectively.

Just as we enter, a middle aged man enters the lobby from the office. He must be in his late thirties, but his hair is already receding a bit. He greets us with a huge smile and calls over his shoulder. „The group from Miyagi is here, dear!“

He strides over to Mr. Nomiya and greets him. „Welcome ...shuko Youth Ho...“ I step closer and strain to understand what he is saying. „I … Shinichi Kojima. ...expected you later... ready... no problem.“

He turns around and waves to another figure that has just appeared from the office. It is a woman who is probably a few years younger than Mr. Kojima. I catch my breath. She is wearing an apron, but she is obviously pregnant beneath it.

„...wife Ayumi.“ She stands next to her husband and gives a polite bow. Mr. Kojima puts an arm around her waist and continues talking to Mr. Nomiya. „...run this Youth Hostel. ...took over... mi's father... just finished renovating...“

They seem like nice people. I think their child will have a good family – not like myself... I push that thought away. I don't want to think about that now – or ever again for that matter.

„Nanami!“

I look up to see the head nurse standing before me holding out a key. „I'm sorry. I didn't hear you.“

He smiles and presses the key firmly into my hand. He continues in a loud and clear voice. „I know. You will be in room 104 together with Ikuno and Mai. Could you please inform Misaki and Mizuki that they they'll be in room 103 next to it?“

I stuff the key in my pocket and relay the information to the twins, while the nurse gives out the other keys.

When he is done Mr. Nomiya is taking over again. „...two hours... unpacked... dinner at seven..:“ He continues for a while with his instructions and a general admonition to behave.

I suppress a feeling of frustration. Mr. Nomiya is one of the nicest teachers at Yamaku, but I really wish he would remember to talk more loudly when I'm around. Well, most of the stuff he's saying right now is not important anyway and Mai will tell me the rest later.

Boredly I turn my attention to the others in the group. Most are listening to Mr. Nomiya, but the twins are standing off to the side, gesturing animatedly at each other. I don't bother to follow their gestures. Hanako has withdrawn to the back of the group and is trying to hide behind Lilly, and Ooki...

Ooki's jaw is hanging slackly, and he is swaying on his feet. Alarmed I drop my suitcase and rush to his side, calling out to Leon who is standing next to him, but his attention is focused on Mr. Nomiya, so he hasn’t noticed yet

He reacts quickly, though, and together we manage to prevent him from falling over until the nurses are there and carry him to the couch.

Mr. Nomiya is talking to Mr. Kojima, apparently explaining Ooki's problem. The rest of the group is getting ready to move to their rooms, only Leon and I are still standing next to the sleeping Ooki.

Leon points to the stairs. „Leon... uh... stay. Nanami... room... and Nanami... go, yes.“

I nod my thanks, take my bag and turn to follow the others. Leon always remembers to speak loudly and clearly when he is talking to me. It's a bit ironic that I can understand his speech better than that of some of the „normal“ people around me.

Re: Tripping

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2011 3:13 am
by Mirage_GSM
New Chapter...

Day 2, 19:10
I rap the door for a second time. What are they doing in there?

Finally the door opens, and Ooki is standing before me. „What's up Emi?“

„What do you mean, 'what's up'? It's ten minutes past seven and Hisao was supposed to meet me downstairs at seven. Where...“

Ooki is pushed aside and replaced by Hisao. „I'm sorry Emi, I didn't want to keep you waiting, but.“

„It's my fault Emi,“ Ooki interrupts him from behind. „I slept down in the lobby until half an hour ago, so Leon and I couldn't start unpacking until just now.“

„What's that got to do with Hisao? Does he have to supervise you while you unpack?“ I turn my attention back to him. „And you! Would it be too much to ask that you tell me if you're not going to make your appointment?“

„Hey, I'm sorry, I forgot, but the cafeteria is just down the stairs, and it's not like I disappeared somewhere. I'm right here in my room.“

„You're right. It's just down the stairs. You could have just come down for a second to tell me you'd be late.“

„Aren't you blowing this thing out of proportion now? I said I'm sorry, didn't I?“

Why can't he simply admit that he's in the wrong here? „I'm blowing it out of proportion? Well, if you think an appointment with me is not a big deal, you can go eat by yourself!“ I turn around on my artificial heel and walk briskly down the stairs.

I look around as I enter the cafeteria. Everyone is here except for the three boys and Rin, who said she wasn't hungry. I have to remember to pack something for her in case she gets hungry later.

I grab a plate, fill it at the salad bar and head over to the table where Ikuno, Mai and Nanami are sitting. „Mind if I sit here?“

„Of course not,“ Mai replies without looking up from her cutlery.

I sit down with my back to the entrance and listen to the other girls' small talk without getting in the mood to join in.

After a few minutes I hear the boys entering the cafeteria, but I resist the urge to turn around. They sit down at a table in another part of the cafeteria.

Ikuno looks at me curiously. „Not eating together with your boyfriend?“

I glare at her. „No.“

„Got into a fight?“

„Yes.“

One might think she'd get the idea that I don't want to talk about it, but Ikuno either doesn't notice or doesn't care – probably the latter. „What about?“

„He forgot we were supposed to meet here for dinner.“

„What else?“

„Nothing else. He kept me waiting for ten minutes without bothering to tell me he'd be late!“

She looks at me incredulously. „You having your period, or is that normal for you?“
I drop my knife and it clatters loudly onto my plate. „What?”

Ikuno just rolls her eyes. „It's a wonder you even got to First base. If you continue like that you'll scare him off long before you get even close to a Home run.”

On my left, Nanami is having a coughing fit and is spewing her water all over her plate. Mai is trying hard to suppress a giggle. I feel the blood shooting to my head, but I have no idea what to reply to something like that. For the moment I settle for staring at Ikuno with my mouth hanging open.

Meanwhile Ikuno calmly finishes off her first slice of bread and reaches for a second. She stares at it for a moment, probably calculating the bread units and then cuts it in half. „Anybody want the other half?“

Nanami is finally able to breathe normally again and waves away the nurses who look over from their table anxiously. She takes the half-slice from Ikuno and starts cleaning her plate with a napkin.

Ikuno seems content to let the topic rest, but of course I can't have that. „And just why do you think you can tell me what to do in my relationships?”

She puts down her bread and looks at me calmly. „I'm not telling you what to do. I'm telling you what's likely to happen if you continue like this.”

„So who made you the resident expert?“

„Hisao is your first boyfriend, isn't he?”

„What does that have to do with...”

„I already lost two boyfriends that way.”

Nanami looks up from her plate. „You've already had two boyfriends?”

„Three. The third one was an asshole, and I ditched him. After the first two, I was afraid of scaring him away as well, and he abused that... It's hard to find a balance.“ She turns back to me. „You see, despite what you may see on TV, most boys don't like to be dominated – most of the time.

“I’m not trying to dominate him. It was his fault for making me wait in the lobby.”

“Maybe, but it’s not like he disappeared somewhere, is it? He was right in his room, and it would have taken you about ten seconds to run up the stairs and get him. Definitely not worth having a fight over.”

Her using almost exactly Hisao’s words shuts me up quite effectively. Am I being unreasonable? Am I really putting my relationship with Hisao at risk? “You really think Hisao would break up with me over this?”

She shakes her head. “If he did, you’d be better off without him. I don’t know him that well, but those things add up. Eventually he’ll reach the limit of what he is willing to take.”

Mai has finished her meal and looks up to Ikuno. “Did you really learn all that from three failed relationships?”

Ikuno’s expression turns wistful. “I had an older sister, who comforted me after the breakups and gave me a lot of advice. Most of those words were hers.”

“I didn’t know you have an older sister, Ikuno”. I cringe at Nanami’s question. Apparently she didn’t correctly hear the tense Ikuno was using.

“I don’t. She died last year.”

Nanami mumbles an apology and an embarrassed silence descends over the table.

I ponder what Ikuno told me. Maybe she’s right. I should go and apologize to Hisao.

Re: Tripping

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2011 8:20 am
by griffon8
Heh. I can't help but be reminded of the beginning of my first fic, which has Emi knocking on the door to Hisao's room as well.

Awwwwwkward! I'm sure Nanami feels worse than Ikuno for that error.

Re: Tripping

Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 7:26 am
by scott1and
I'm away for a few weeks and this is what I miss, and its good to see the "newbieness" around a first timer for relationships that doesn't make them really shy or a total expert over time. Look forward to the next chapter :mrgreen:

Re: Tripping

Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 4:05 am
by Mirage_GSM
Meet Leon...

Day 2, 21:00
Without hesitation, Jun shoots the eight ball into the middle pocket, completing his fourth consecutive easy win.

Kenta puts his cue onto the table. “This isn’t fun. It’s like playing against a machine.”

Well, he did make a few mistakes, but I have to agree that Jun is simply leagues better than either Kenta or me. “Yes... er... Jun and learn... where well?”

“Oh, my dad often took me along when he went to play with his colleagues. They practically fought over who got to show the kid some cool tricks.”

I feel a pang of envy for Jun. My father never took me anywhere, but to be fair, it’s probably easier to take one’s son to a billiard hall than to a diplomatic reception. And since mother died, father and I hardly talked at all, except when we were fighting...

Jun grins at us, interrupting my reminiscence. “So you want to play something else?”

Kenta checks his watch. “No thanks, I... have to be somewhere soon.”

Jun and I exchange a glance. It’s pretty obvious the new guy hit it off with Mai, but if he thinks no one noticed, why shatter that illusion?

Jun seems to think the same way, for he doesn’t comment on this either. “What about you Leon?”

I glance at the ping-pong table, where the twins have been playing for the last 30 minutes, but they don’t show any signs of stopping in the near future. “Jun and Leon... uh... next door, yah.”

“Tell you what, I’m getting us something to drink and you choose something to do next, okay?”

I nod my consent, and we leave the room. While Jun heads left towards the cafeteria, I turn right and enter the other common room diagonally across the corridor.

As opposed to the room with the pool table, this one is more comfortable. There are a few couches – an ugly green, but you can’t argue about tastes I guess – and small tables for reading books or playing games. Against the wall there is a shelf containing numerous board games.

Most of the rest of our group is in this room. Hisao and Emi are sitting on a couch in a corner, talking quietly. Looks like they made up. I wonder how that came to pass so quickly.

Ooki and Takumi are sitting on another couch, while Rin is sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of them listening to Ooki’s stories. Nanami and Ikuno are also sitting on the floor playing cards. I don’t see Lilly and Hanako anywhere.

I head over to the shelf and examine their selection. I spot a copy of ‘Risk’, the game of world domination. I used to be pretty good at that... I almost pick it up, but I restrain myself - that phase is behind me.

I let my gaze wander over the other games, and it comes to rest on an old chess set. Another thing I haven’t played in a while. I wonder if Jun plays – and if he’s going to be a challenge. Well if not this is going to be my revanche for the pool session earlier.

I pick up the set, carry it to one of the tables and set up the pieces. I’m only half finished when Jun returns with two cups of the awfully sweet tea they give out for free in the cafeteria.

He looks at the table and looks at me incredulously. “Of all the games in this room you chose chess?”

“Jun not... ... ahh... play?”

“Well, I know the rules, I guess... My grandfather taught me, but I always thought it was boring. Well, can’t hurt to play a game once in a while.”

I almost feel bad for suggesting this to Jun. I turn the board, so Jun has the white pieces in front of him, then I finish setting up the remaining pieces.

“So, who’s first?” I look up alarmed. If he doesn’t even know that... But he is grinning at me. “Just joking, I know that much. But you should have seen your face just now.”

He starts by advancing his King’s Pawn – a common enough opening, but he advances it only one square, apparently trying to keep it covered by the pawns next to it. Well, I suppose he really is a beginner after all. I counter with a Sicilian Defence...

The game is over in ten minutes. “Wow, that was harsh. Guess I really suck at this game.”

“No...” It’s not that Jun is bad, but he lacks two crucial things: Experience and patience. I didn’t use any advanced tactics at all. He lost most of his pieces to simple traps that he could have spotted if he had bothered to ponder his next move for a while.

He laughs. “In that case you must be a chess prodigy.”

“Leon and ah... before school... school... eh... chess club, yes.” I set up the pieces again and recreate the game we just played, pointing out where he made his mistakes. Jun listens politely – even a bit interestedly – but I don’t think he’ll ever really take to the game. I wonder if there’s anyone here who’d be a challenging opponent...

**********

Note: Since "Victory Day" I have tried avoiding using crossover characters, but since "Leon" is in the classroom CG, I consider him a KS character for all relevant purposes. I included him mainly because I thought it would be interesting to write an aphasic character, so I hope SC will forgive me ;-)

Re: Tripping

Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 9:28 am
by Goldilurks
Was waiting for the next installment. Good stuff!

(What's Leon's disability again? Some sort of aphasia?)

Re: Tripping

Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 1:49 pm
by Mirage_GSM
Goldilurks wrote:What's Leon's disability again? Some sort of aphasia?
Mirage wrote:I included him mainly because I thought it would be interesting to write an aphasic character...
Yes.
I used this picture as a reference. Somewhere one of the devs posted another one that includes their various disabilities, but I couldn't find that one just now.

Re: Tripping

Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 10:15 pm
by DMGnome
Here you go! (Although it's only for class 3-3.)

Re: Tripping

Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 4:45 am
by Mirage_GSM
Yes, that's it, thank you. Looking at it again now, I realize there is a minor continuity error in one of my yet unpublished chapters... Fixed ;-)
Oh and as I mentioned before I didn't use the canon version of Taro/Ooki because I created that character before I found the picture.