Katawa Shoujo Forums

I agree with Neumanproductions, the plot is beginning to take shape and with the dream sequence is uncovering more of this Luke character.

I have one minor criticism which was raised before, which was the amount of Hanako's social interaction... I think its probably 3-4x more than what Hisao saw... just seeemed a wee bit unreal... otherwise, I really like the direction of the plot, it feels like a die-hard Hanako fan's path choice TBH

@EL,

Are you reading my mind or have you hacked into my computer? Since a few of these things you have are parts i was 'planning' on putting in my 'original character' stories (If i ever summit them.)

Then again it could just be a coincidence.

Anyway, theses are starting to shape out the character you've created here.

I'm glad ya'll seem to like my character.

Member22... cant log in now wrote:I agree with Neumanproductions, the plot is beginning to take shape and with the dream sequence is uncovering more of this Luke character.

I have one minor criticism which was raised before, which was the amount of Hanako's social interaction... I think its probably 3-4x more than what Hisao saw... just seeemed a wee bit unreal... otherwise, I really like the direction of the plot, it feels like a die-hard Hanako fan's path choice TBH

I wouldn't really call myself a die-hard Hanako fan. In fact, later on down the line, I plan on taking the current character, background, and setting and changing it up a bit. In particular, I plan on keeping chapters 1-3, but completely re-writing the rest of the story to have Shizune being the one Luke ends up with

Snicket wrote:@EL,

Are you reading my mind or have you hacked into my computer? Since a few of these things you have are parts i was 'planning' on putting in my 'original character' stories (If i ever summit them.)

Then again it could just be a coincidence.

Anyway, theses are starting to shape out the character you've created here.

Eh, first of all, it would be 'cracking' if I hacked into your computer. Hacking is using technological skills to try to improve something (like how I hacked my PSP) whereas cracking is using those same skills with malicious intent.

ANYWAYS, I can assure you that I didn't crack your computer. The next couple of chapters will likely confirm that, because the plot takes a curveball at that point.

Also, you should really write up your fan-character stories. I managed to inpspire kosherbacon (fellow write-fag and previewer) to write up a one-shot around his own fan-character with mine making an appearance as a major character. It's really good so far, and it takes place in the same 'universe' as mine. I can't wait until he finishes and posts it, I think you guys will like it.

EDIT: Whoops, forgot to mention that kosher's one-shot matured into a multi-chapter fic.

I demand a Luke path!

Extremist_Line wrote: In particular, I plan on keeping chapters 1-3, but completely re-writing the rest of the story to have Shizune being the one Luke ends up with

Please, anything but that! No..noooo..nooooooooooo!
Shizune is my #4

neumanproductions wrote:

Extremist_Line wrote: In particular, I plan on keeping chapters 1-3, but completely re-writing the rest of the story to have Shizune being the one Luke ends up with

Please, anything but that! No..noooo..nooooooooooo!
Shizune is my #4

Well, one of the main reasons is I ended up forcing Shizune and Misha to go horribly out of character in the next chapter to speed up plot advancement, and I feel kinda bad for it.

Also, who's your # 2? I got some bad news for you if it's Emi...

Smoku wrote:I demand a Luke path!

For the main game? Eh, he doesn't swing that way buddy.

Extremist_Line wrote: Also, who's your # 2? I got some bad news for you if it's Emi...

No my ranking is currently as such: 1)Hanako , 2) Rin , 3)Lilly , 4) Shizune , 5) Emi
I don't think I will be bothered too much. Also, to let you know, recently Rin is getting paper-thin close to Hanako in my ranking.

I was planning on waiting until later tonight to post this, but I'm as anxious to see ya'lls feedback as you are to read it. I probably won't post Chapter 7 until Wednesday to compensate.

DISCLAIMER: As my signature states, I like Shizune, and Misha as well. Their actions were necessary to advance the plot quicker. I realize they are horribly OOC. Please just roll with it. I took no joy in writing that part, but it was necessary. Forgive me Sicchan.

Oh, and the lack of stuttering later on is intentional.

Chapter 6: Deathmatch and Co-op

Two Days Later…
Friday, April 26th, 2007
*************************************
This time, I did have an excuse to wake up screaming and drenched in sweat. I dreamed of what really happened that day, and the months afterwards. I dreamed of them, how they treated me. I dreamed of the innumerable times I screamed, the times of wishing I had put a bullet through my head.

I did NOT want to go back to that dream.

I heard a knocking on my door. “Hey, you ok Luke?”

It was Hisao “Yeah, I’m fine man, just had a nightmare. Did I wake you up?”

“Nah, I had just gotten up to take a piss. Ok, well goodnight.”

“Night’.”

The previous two days were no where near as eventful as Tuesday and Wednesday had been. No drunken antics, no bad movies, and…no getting saved by an angel. I played Risk with Shizune one day. She kicked my ass. I had tea with Lily and Hanako, which was nice. One night, I had a dream that me and Hanako were sitting on the swing on my pool deck back home. I had my arm around her and she was laying her head on my shoulder. My calico cat was curled up next to me on my other side. The stars were beautiful.

I wished it would never end, but like all dreams, it must come to an end eventually. Otherwise you’d be in a coma. I cussed when I woke up.

Anyways, I had managed to become good friends with everyone I was in contact with frequently. At least I felt like we were friends.

You know, looking back on it, me getting a hangover was actually a really good thing. It was what really broke the barrier of Hanako’s shyness and let me become good friends with her. If it hadn’t happened, we’d probably still be playing this cat-and-mouse game with her shyness.

Thank God for hangovers.

After a light sleep in which I can’t recall having a dream, I woke up, grabbed all my stuff, and headed to school.

Typical day. I can’t believe I’m calling a day ‘typical’ after only being here four days, but there you go. I had lunch with Lily and Hanako again. I actually brought lunch this time. I had gone shopping with Lily and Hanako earlier in the week. Next half of the day was the same stuff. 'Same shit, different day'.

What wasn’t SSDD about this day was what happened after class. Hanako came up to me as I was packing up my books and asked me something.

“U-um, Luke?”

“Yeah?”

“U-uh, did you h-have and plans for the r-rest of today?” She was blushing.

“Not really, I was planning on going back to my room and playing some video games, why?”

“W-well…I w-was wondering if I could m-maybe…h-hang out with you today? Lily w-went to visit her s-sister, so I don’t have a-anyone to visit with.”

I raised my eyebrow. I would have expected her to want to go to the library and read a book if she didn’t have anyone to hang with. I sure as hell wasn’t passing this up though.
“Well, if you’re ok with playing video games? And ok with going to my room?”

“S-sure, I need s-some help on my science homework t-too. Aren’t you g-good at science?”

“Yeah, I’d say I’m pretty good.” I remember my freshman year back home, I had an average of 100 for two nine-week periods in Biology 1. That was mostly because our teacher kicked ass though.

“S-so, can I c-come?”

“Of course you can Hanako. I still owe you for saving me from my hangover Tuesday, remember?”

“R-right.”

“Alright then, come on, let’s go.”

As we were walking out, I was stopped by Shizune and Misha standing at the door.

“Oh-ho! Luke-chan is taking the delinquent girl somewhere! I wonder where, hmmm~?

Hanako shifted from my side over to behind me. I felt her grab the back of my jacket sleeve.

“She’s got nothing to do and wants to hang out with me. Is there a problem with that?”

“…”

“Well, our promising recruit for the Student Council is hanging out with our enemy. I dunno, seems like there’s something wrong with that to me.”

“I thought we dropped that, I don’t want to be a member of the Student Council.”

“Regardless, you still owe us for taking you to Shanghai earlier in the week. We skipped half of class!”

“You guys skipped half of class, I made my way back before you all did because I didn’t want to be late.”

“You still owe Sicchan for the meal! You have to pay her back since you didn’t join the Council!”

I sighed, then I reached into my back pocket, pulled out a 5,000 yen bill from my wallet, and handed it to her.

“That should cover it. We’ll be going now…”

As we tried to make our way out the door, they moved in front of us and blocked us again. Sigh. I wish Hisao was here, he could have resolved it much easier than I could.

“Wait, I’m just a bit curious is all, why do you want to go hang out with scar-face instead of us, Luke-chan?”

I heard Hanako gasp behind me and tighten her grip on my sleeve. This is getting out of hand.

“What!?”

“…!”

“Yeah, you heard me. scar-face! What’s she gonna do about it, huh? How could you hang out with that freak when you could be hanging out with us? What does she have that we don’t, aside from those scars?” Why, with us you can….”

She continued the rant. I swear I heard Hanako whimper behind me. I think she’s about to cry.

That’s it.

“…Shut the hell up.”

“…?”

“…Huh?”

“You heard me! Shut. The Hell. Up. Now!”

“Wha…?”

“You want to know why I want to hang out with her rather than you? It’s because of shit like this! She wouldn’t be caught dead bullying another student! She’s smart, beautiful, and kind, and she needs me more than you guys ever could! It’s not her fault she can’t have many friends, whereas you can change your attitude, and maybe you wouldn’t have all of three people in the Council! Now, I’m going to go hang out with her, and by God, I’m going to enjoy every second of it!”

They were both absolutely stunned. If they were male, I would have taken this opportunity to get a shot in on them. They were female though, and I was a gentleman, so I held my fist.

On the way out I snatched the 5,000 yen bill from Shizune’s hand. She was too shocked to resist. I flipped them off as I exited the room with Hanako in tow. They might not know what it meant, but that makes it all the more satisfying.

I liked Shizune. But if there was one thing I did not tolerate, it was bullying, even if it was coming from one of my best friends.

Hanako moved from behind me to my side after we made it out of the classroom. She had my whole arm in a death grip now.

“…T-thanks.”

“It’s nothing. Consider that my re-payment for helping me out.” Her arm was a bit too tight… “Hey, Hanako?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s not healthy for someone not to have circulation to their arm.”

“Huh?” She looked over at her arm around mine. “O-oh!” She quickly snapped it away while blushing heavily. “I-I’m sorry…”

“I...I didn’t mean let go, I just meant give me a little slack.” I think my face is getting a tad red too, and my heart is throbbing with nervousness…

“U-uh…o-ok.” She slowly wrapped her arm around mine again.

“So, you still in the mood for some games?”

“Y-yeah, I need to blow off s-some of this anger…”

“Haha, alright then.”

We made our way to the male dorms, careful to avoid as many fellow males as possible. I checked our hallway, Kenji was nowhere to be seen. We quickly made our way into my room and shut the door behind us.

“W-wow, your bed is huge, and you have so many posters!”

“Well, my bed needs to be big because I shift a lot in my sleep. Plus I’m pretty sure that even the tallest available beds here would be too short. Want something to drink?” During one of my visits to the town, I managed to procure a mini-fridge. After getting her and myself a drink, I lead her over to my dresser. She was amazed at the sheer number of game systems I had. What can I say? If I’m going to be here for a year, I need something to kill a lot of dead time with.

I opened up the drawer that contained half of my games and controllers.

“Take your pick. Any system, any game.”

“U-um…how about this one?” She said, pointing to a familiar cartridge in the drawer.

“Ah, excellent choice. Shall we play?”

****************************************
A few hours later….

“RUNNING RIOT!”

“Gah! What the…?”

She giggled.

“Aw, what the heck! No rocket launchers!”

“Oh, come on Luke! Y-you said I could use them s-since I’m new!”

“…Fine.”

……………

“GAME OVER!”

“Ok, that’s it, I’m not holding back next time.”

“Hehe, I won’t e-either…”

It was a frickin’ blast. We played all sorts of games as the daylight hours quickly waned. Co-op, deathmatch, you name it. Of course, we were so absorbed in having fun that I had forgotten to check the time.

“Oh crap!”

“What? What it it?”

“Curfew’s in a few minutes! Come on, you need to get back to your own dorms.”

“Aw, b-but we’re almost done with this round! I just need to kill you a few more times!”

Her stutter rate really drops when she’s having so much fun.

“Come on Hanako, the last thing I need is disciplinary action for having a girl in my room on my fifth day of school! We can pick this up tomorrow, how about that?”

She pouted. It really tugged on my heart, but I really didn’t want to get in trouble.

“Aw, fine. But y-you promised! I’ll be back tomorrow!”

“Looking forward to it.”

As we started to walk to the door, she turned around to me.

“I…I had a lot of f-fun today Luke. And…thanks for what y-you did with Shizune.”

“It’s nothing. I despise bullies. If she ever treats you like that again, let me know. I’ll straighten her out.”

She smiled, then did something rather unexpected by wrapping me in a hug.

I almost never got hugs from girls my age. The only times I ever did was when she was an old friend I hadn’t seen in a while. My heart began to pound in my chest. I wrapped my arms around her as well. She was fairly small, fragile feeling, so I didn’t hug terribly tight.

It felt good. Really, really good.

If maybe I had gotten a hug or two, then…it might not have happened.

The hug felt kind of long, but eventually we broke apart. He face was a deep red, I had a feeling mine wasn’t any better.

She slowly started toward the door. I rushed ahead of her and opened it for her. She smiled.

“Be careful of anyone on watch.”

“I will. Thanks.”

I closed the door after she left. I stared at the door for a few seconds before finally locking it.

I took my pills, changed my clothes, and laid down.

That night, I dreamed of her again. I’m afraid I can’t repeat what transpired between us in that dream. Only me and God will ever know.

…I think I’m in love.
************************************************************

Beautiful, simply beautiful. I have to say even though I still don't think Hanako would normally respond this fast, I like the relationship you are portraying between the two.
I like how you took the concept of how Misha and Shizune treat Hanako into account with what appears to be the source of Luke's disability in some way. Keep the good stuff coming.

Extremist_Line wrote: -response to my last comment-

Eh sorry dude, that kinda came out wrong. I typed the response up when i was tired, so my response got worded a little funny.

I was kinda just messing with you, since you used a few things that i had put in my OC 'shorts.' Honestly i didn't mean anything other then that by it.

Snicket wrote:

Extremist_Line wrote: -response to my last comment-

Eh sorry dude, that kinda came out wrong. I typed the response up when i was tired, so my response got worded a little funny.

I was kinda just messing with you, since you used a few things that i had put in my OC 'shorts.' Honestly i didn't mean anything other then that by it.

Oh no, it's quite alright. I didn't know my comment came off like that. I didn't think yours did...

Looking forward to the next chapter, very good read so far .

At first, I was kind've apprehensive about the whole notion of a fanfic centered around an original character but that only meant that I got the pleasure of being surprised as the story unfolded and Luke's character began to show.

Extremist_Line wrote:
EDIT: Whoops, forgot to mention that kosher's one-shot matured into a multi-chapter fic.

Matured? No, your fanfic matured. Mine just kinda mutated

Lol, Shizune really got what she deserved (although I think she's ok...but a wee bit nosy)... Luke had done what Hisao never did.

I'm not sure about you guys, but I am feeling that although Hisao and Luke are somewhat alike (in certain ways, not all), I find myself more associated with Luke... it might just be because he speaks english, or comes from the US, or because he likes video games... I don't know, I'd like to see how this story unfolds (or ends).

[quote="Extremist_Line"]I'm glad ya'll seem to like my character.... Shizune being the one Luke ends up with

That's also OK... I don't mind Luke ending up with her... but don't you think they might not be compatible? i.e Luke hates bullies and ppl who force others to do their bidding (which is exactly what she does)... I don't know... maybe a truce would help them out? Maybe she would become slightly more approachable/human after recollecting and reflecting on her mistakes after Luke scolding her? I really would like to see how this plays out... the plots thickening now, and I like it!