Re: Maturity - Shizune Epilogue (A continuation of After Graduation) (Updated 29 Aug 2019)
Posted: Thu Sep 12, 2019 4:39 am
Chapter 6 (Path C): Lovesick
1-13
As they come out of the bathroom, their hair dried and faces washed, they turn off the lights and meet me in the living room, where I have been waiting them for.
The curtains are mostly closed. Moonlight shines into the room through the gap I intentionally leave out so that I can see them a bit better.
They sit across me next to the window. One of them stares at the chessboard on the table with a knowing gaze.
It is the girls against me. Or, rather, one of them against me while the other is reading a book with her hands. With a sip of the cup of Orange Jaipur Tea, I make my first move, 1. e4.
She replies 1. ... c5. Sicilian Defense. Concentrating completely on the chessboard and the book respectively, their lovely faces under the decoration of the moonlight look more attractive than ever.
I briefly think back to the moments when I was with a certain girl under the moonlight. The romantic moments still linger in my brain.
It is, however, more important to focus on the chessboard. 2. Nf3.
She replies 2. ...d6. I proceed to push my center pawn with 3. d4, as I hear a page of a book gets turned.
I can't believe I have such lovely lady friends. My life is wonderful. When I had my heart attack, I thought my life was over; now the attack seems more like a blessing in disguise. If anything, my heart condition only serves to strengthen our friendship.
3. ... cxd4; 4. Nxd4 Nf6; 5. Nc3 a6. Najdorf Variation, the most popular line in the Sicilian Defense.
She continues to stare at the board with utmost concentration. I saw her play once in Yamaku. In the first match, she took a lot more time than her opponent, but played an excellent game. In the second match, a timer was set up to speed up the game. She lost that match very quickly. She then fled the room.
Her opponent back then was very competitive, not to mention scary to her. Now, with me as her opponent, she can relax and play her best chess. With another sip of tea, I make my next move.
6. Be3 e5; 7. Nb3 Be6
After graduation, I realized that I didn't really spend much time with the two girls sitting opposite to me. They had treated me so well, but I never returned the favor. Therefore, I decided to make amends by making friends with them. The accident in Saitama, while unfortunate, did provide me with a chance to meet them again. Luckily for me, they are more than happy to make friends with me.
They now live together in a house next to their university. Although we don't study in the same school, their university is very close to my hometown, so I visit them regularly in the weekends when I return from my dorm to visit my parents. We drink tea, play chess, and chat away, like a family. A small disabled family. We do make friends in our own universities, but they never hinder our friendship. Our disabilities remain a strong connecting factor between us.
8. f3 Be7; 9. Qd2 O-O
I focus myself on the battlefield as another page gets turned.
-----------------------
"Checkmate!"
Looks like I have no luck today. Well, there’s always next time.
"Congratulations, Hanako."
"T-thanks!"
"Well done, Hanako."
With the chess game finished, we collect the chess pieces and put them away. I take another sip of Orange Jaipur, then sit back and relax.
"It's nice to get away from school once in a while, isn't it?"
"Indeed. I'm happy that we made the decision to relax in this summer house."
“I surely need this, Lilly. Todai is such a competitive school.”
After a hectic semester, Lilly, Hanako and I decided to spend a few days of the summer holiday in a Hokkaido summer house owned by Lilly's parents. Since Akira moved to Scotland for work last year, the house has been left unused, so we figure we might as well put it to some use.
This is a very quiet place, with almost no people around within several miles. The presence of Lilly makes this place even more soothing. The relaxing atmosphere makes a sharp contrast against Todai's busy schedule and stressful environment.
None
And a sharp contrast against...
Someone I once loved.
I look out from the window. Tonight's moon is round and bright. It’s a romantic view indeed.
2-16
If only she was here.
I can't help but think back to the moments I had with Shizune: The Tanabata Festival, the Student Council room, and the night we spent together after the train ride. Moonlight certainly defined our relationship.
They say that a round moon signifies a repaired relationship. I wonder if it's still possible for the two of us.
Since the trip to Saitama and the accident, Shizune fell into a state of disarray. She couldn't get herself to face me. Before the start of university, she sent me a letter, saying that she could not be my girlfriend anymore. She said that she needs to learn how to control her temper, and, in order to protect my heart from further harm, she has to stay away from me until she can do so.
She asked me not to wait for her, because she doesn't know how long it will take. She said that if I find somebody that I love, I should go ahead and move on.
I haven't found someone I love since then. I do have several female friends, but I never developed an interest in them.
Iwanako is a good friend of mine. I'm happy that she's been sending me e-mail after e-mail reminding me to do exercises. We sometimes have lunch together too. But after our snow incident, pursuing a relationship with her would be a bit too awkward.
Lilly... is another good friend. Besides Hanako, I was one of the reasons she ultimately decided to stay in Japan. She visited me in the hospital after the accident in Saitama. She was deciding whether to stay in Japan or join her family in Scotland. After a long talk with Hanako, she decided to stay with us in Japan, and she made a brave phone call to her parents to announce her decision. She eventually enrolled in Kasshoku University along with Hanako. With some guidance from her mother and Naomi Inoue, who also studies in the same university, Lilly is now able to live on her own, with Hanako as her roommate. We become good friends since then. Lilly is like an elder sister to me, often providing me with emotional support and useful advices. Yeah, elder sister...
Hanako... is yet another good friend. After I was released from the hospital, I apologized to her for not being very friendly back in Yamaku. I asked her if she could be my friend. She hesitated for a while, but then agreed. We have many things in common. We both have scars on our bodies. We both like reading and playing chess. I don't know if Hanako likes me or not, but I have no plan to make a step forward. Given how jumpy and socially awkward she is, I don't know if my heart can withstand such a relationship.
In short, I haven't found someone I love.
Or... am I merely making excuses? Maybe... maybe I'm still waiting for Shizune after all. Her temper may have an adverse effect on my condition, but... do I care? When I’m not busy with schoolwork, I always think about her. I need her. If I die, I'd rather die in front of Shizune than any other girl. But then, it would seem too irresponsible to her. If we make a family, and then I suddenly die, what about her? She'd become a young widow. I certainly don't want that to happen.
Low Vol
"W-what are you doing, Hisao?"
"Hey Hanako. I'm just... appreciating the moonlight."
"T-thinking about s-stuff?"
"Yeah..."
"Is something bothering you, Hisao?"
I sigh.
"Nah... Just thinking about..."
Resume
"It's Shizune, is it not?"
"Is it really that obvious?"
“You don’t seem to have much trouble with school, and you have been taking good care of your health. This leaves only one potential trouble you might have right now.”
I'm amazed by how, despite being blind and unable to see my emotions, Lilly was able to figure out exactly what I was thinking. We’re indeed good friends.
"I-if you want to t-talk to us, we’re here to l-listen to you. Right, Lilly?"
"Yes. We're friends, are we not? We’re supposed to share each other's burdens."
I feel a little ashamed talking about my relationship with Shizune, but since they are Lilly and Hanako, I can tell them. And I really need someone to talk to right now.
"I don’t know if this topic would make you feel uncomfortable…"
"Don't worry, Hisao. We may not be on the best terms, but as I said before, I still care for her."
I sit back down on the couch and take a deep breath.
"You know, she sent me a letter back then, saying that she needs to deal with her temper before seeing me again. She asked me not to wait for her, and move on once I find myself a girl to love."
"You haven't found one, have you?"
"I feel like I'm still waiting for her. I don't want to give up just yet. But she's now keeping me at bay. I don't know how she feels right now, but I think I'm not done with her just yet."
"So, are you saying that you still love her?"
"I tried to forget about her and move on. But the more I try to do that, the more I miss her. I know that getting back with Shizune may put my heart at risk, but I don't care. If I have an episode, so be it. I'd choose Shizune over my heart any day of the week. But… with my heart condition, is it too irresponsible if I ask her to come back to me? I… I might die any moment. I don’t want to bring sadness to anybody around me."
Lilly looks deep in thought, while Hanako stares straight at the floor. We all fall into dead silence.
Eventually, it is Hanako who speaks up.
“H-hisao…”
“Do you have any advice for me?”
“D-does Shizune know that y-you still l-love her?”
“We haven’t talked to each other since university.”
“In t-that case, I… I think…”
Given how much I know Hanako over the year, I know that she’s going to say something, yet either doesn’t know how to say it or if she should say it. I decide to give her some time.
She takes a deep breath before continuing.
“Y-you should t-talk to Shi-Shizune about this.”
“You really think so?”
“I-if you keep your f-feelings bottled up, it will only m-make matters worse. You s-should let Shizune k-know your true f-feelings.”
“I agree, Hisao. It is pretty clear that you still have feelings for her. And if I know my cousin right, she definitely still has feelings for you. Yes, she might be a stoic person, and she might have treated most of her life as compartmentalized sections, but she certainly won’t just treat you as a past tense and move on. It’s not like you made her angry or something like that. She just made a serious mistake and, as a result, cannot bring herself to face you. I believe your best course of action right now is to tell her exactly how you feel. Leave the decision to her. If she decides not to take the risk, then so be it. But given her competitive nature, if you can bring yourself to confess to her one more time, I’m sure she will not only rope you back to her side, but also try her very best not to make your heart act up again. I can put my money on it.”
I chuckle on her use of the word “rope”.
“You really think so? Hanako too?”
“I agree w-with Lilly. In fact, if I w-were Shizune, I would do exactly the same.”
“Alright then. I’ll try to talk to Shizune. Still no hard feelings on me being Shizune’s boyfriend?”
“Answer is still no. I stand by my words back then. I’m so glad that you entered Shizune’s life. I want you to be her boyfriend again. I will try my very best not to argue with Shizune anymore, at least in your presence.”
“Okay then. Wish me good luck, girls.”
“S-sure.”
“Wait for your good news. Also, please help me say sorry to Shizune when you talk to her.”
<To Chapter 7C>
References:
(1) “Sisterhood”, Chapter 5
(2) “First Comes Love”, Second Section
1-13
As they come out of the bathroom, their hair dried and faces washed, they turn off the lights and meet me in the living room, where I have been waiting them for.
The curtains are mostly closed. Moonlight shines into the room through the gap I intentionally leave out so that I can see them a bit better.
They sit across me next to the window. One of them stares at the chessboard on the table with a knowing gaze.
It is the girls against me. Or, rather, one of them against me while the other is reading a book with her hands. With a sip of the cup of Orange Jaipur Tea, I make my first move, 1. e4.
She replies 1. ... c5. Sicilian Defense. Concentrating completely on the chessboard and the book respectively, their lovely faces under the decoration of the moonlight look more attractive than ever.
I briefly think back to the moments when I was with a certain girl under the moonlight. The romantic moments still linger in my brain.
It is, however, more important to focus on the chessboard. 2. Nf3.
She replies 2. ...d6. I proceed to push my center pawn with 3. d4, as I hear a page of a book gets turned.
I can't believe I have such lovely lady friends. My life is wonderful. When I had my heart attack, I thought my life was over; now the attack seems more like a blessing in disguise. If anything, my heart condition only serves to strengthen our friendship.
3. ... cxd4; 4. Nxd4 Nf6; 5. Nc3 a6. Najdorf Variation, the most popular line in the Sicilian Defense.
She continues to stare at the board with utmost concentration. I saw her play once in Yamaku. In the first match, she took a lot more time than her opponent, but played an excellent game. In the second match, a timer was set up to speed up the game. She lost that match very quickly. She then fled the room.
Her opponent back then was very competitive, not to mention scary to her. Now, with me as her opponent, she can relax and play her best chess. With another sip of tea, I make my next move.
6. Be3 e5; 7. Nb3 Be6
After graduation, I realized that I didn't really spend much time with the two girls sitting opposite to me. They had treated me so well, but I never returned the favor. Therefore, I decided to make amends by making friends with them. The accident in Saitama, while unfortunate, did provide me with a chance to meet them again. Luckily for me, they are more than happy to make friends with me.
They now live together in a house next to their university. Although we don't study in the same school, their university is very close to my hometown, so I visit them regularly in the weekends when I return from my dorm to visit my parents. We drink tea, play chess, and chat away, like a family. A small disabled family. We do make friends in our own universities, but they never hinder our friendship. Our disabilities remain a strong connecting factor between us.
8. f3 Be7; 9. Qd2 O-O
I focus myself on the battlefield as another page gets turned.
-----------------------
"Checkmate!"
Looks like I have no luck today. Well, there’s always next time.
"Congratulations, Hanako."
"T-thanks!"
"Well done, Hanako."
With the chess game finished, we collect the chess pieces and put them away. I take another sip of Orange Jaipur, then sit back and relax.
"It's nice to get away from school once in a while, isn't it?"
"Indeed. I'm happy that we made the decision to relax in this summer house."
“I surely need this, Lilly. Todai is such a competitive school.”
After a hectic semester, Lilly, Hanako and I decided to spend a few days of the summer holiday in a Hokkaido summer house owned by Lilly's parents. Since Akira moved to Scotland for work last year, the house has been left unused, so we figure we might as well put it to some use.
This is a very quiet place, with almost no people around within several miles. The presence of Lilly makes this place even more soothing. The relaxing atmosphere makes a sharp contrast against Todai's busy schedule and stressful environment.
None
And a sharp contrast against...
Someone I once loved.
I look out from the window. Tonight's moon is round and bright. It’s a romantic view indeed.
2-16
If only she was here.
I can't help but think back to the moments I had with Shizune: The Tanabata Festival, the Student Council room, and the night we spent together after the train ride. Moonlight certainly defined our relationship.
They say that a round moon signifies a repaired relationship. I wonder if it's still possible for the two of us.
Since the trip to Saitama and the accident, Shizune fell into a state of disarray. She couldn't get herself to face me. Before the start of university, she sent me a letter, saying that she could not be my girlfriend anymore. She said that she needs to learn how to control her temper, and, in order to protect my heart from further harm, she has to stay away from me until she can do so.
She asked me not to wait for her, because she doesn't know how long it will take. She said that if I find somebody that I love, I should go ahead and move on.
I haven't found someone I love since then. I do have several female friends, but I never developed an interest in them.
Iwanako is a good friend of mine. I'm happy that she's been sending me e-mail after e-mail reminding me to do exercises. We sometimes have lunch together too. But after our snow incident, pursuing a relationship with her would be a bit too awkward.
Lilly... is another good friend. Besides Hanako, I was one of the reasons she ultimately decided to stay in Japan. She visited me in the hospital after the accident in Saitama. She was deciding whether to stay in Japan or join her family in Scotland. After a long talk with Hanako, she decided to stay with us in Japan, and she made a brave phone call to her parents to announce her decision. She eventually enrolled in Kasshoku University along with Hanako. With some guidance from her mother and Naomi Inoue, who also studies in the same university, Lilly is now able to live on her own, with Hanako as her roommate. We become good friends since then. Lilly is like an elder sister to me, often providing me with emotional support and useful advices. Yeah, elder sister...
Hanako... is yet another good friend. After I was released from the hospital, I apologized to her for not being very friendly back in Yamaku. I asked her if she could be my friend. She hesitated for a while, but then agreed. We have many things in common. We both have scars on our bodies. We both like reading and playing chess. I don't know if Hanako likes me or not, but I have no plan to make a step forward. Given how jumpy and socially awkward she is, I don't know if my heart can withstand such a relationship.
In short, I haven't found someone I love.
Or... am I merely making excuses? Maybe... maybe I'm still waiting for Shizune after all. Her temper may have an adverse effect on my condition, but... do I care? When I’m not busy with schoolwork, I always think about her. I need her. If I die, I'd rather die in front of Shizune than any other girl. But then, it would seem too irresponsible to her. If we make a family, and then I suddenly die, what about her? She'd become a young widow. I certainly don't want that to happen.
Low Vol
"W-what are you doing, Hisao?"
"Hey Hanako. I'm just... appreciating the moonlight."
"T-thinking about s-stuff?"
"Yeah..."
"Is something bothering you, Hisao?"
I sigh.
"Nah... Just thinking about..."
Resume
"It's Shizune, is it not?"
"Is it really that obvious?"
“You don’t seem to have much trouble with school, and you have been taking good care of your health. This leaves only one potential trouble you might have right now.”
I'm amazed by how, despite being blind and unable to see my emotions, Lilly was able to figure out exactly what I was thinking. We’re indeed good friends.
"I-if you want to t-talk to us, we’re here to l-listen to you. Right, Lilly?"
"Yes. We're friends, are we not? We’re supposed to share each other's burdens."
I feel a little ashamed talking about my relationship with Shizune, but since they are Lilly and Hanako, I can tell them. And I really need someone to talk to right now.
"I don’t know if this topic would make you feel uncomfortable…"
"Don't worry, Hisao. We may not be on the best terms, but as I said before, I still care for her."
I sit back down on the couch and take a deep breath.
"You know, she sent me a letter back then, saying that she needs to deal with her temper before seeing me again. She asked me not to wait for her, and move on once I find myself a girl to love."
"You haven't found one, have you?"
"I feel like I'm still waiting for her. I don't want to give up just yet. But she's now keeping me at bay. I don't know how she feels right now, but I think I'm not done with her just yet."
"So, are you saying that you still love her?"
"I tried to forget about her and move on. But the more I try to do that, the more I miss her. I know that getting back with Shizune may put my heart at risk, but I don't care. If I have an episode, so be it. I'd choose Shizune over my heart any day of the week. But… with my heart condition, is it too irresponsible if I ask her to come back to me? I… I might die any moment. I don’t want to bring sadness to anybody around me."
Lilly looks deep in thought, while Hanako stares straight at the floor. We all fall into dead silence.
Eventually, it is Hanako who speaks up.
“H-hisao…”
“Do you have any advice for me?”
“D-does Shizune know that y-you still l-love her?”
“We haven’t talked to each other since university.”
“In t-that case, I… I think…”
Given how much I know Hanako over the year, I know that she’s going to say something, yet either doesn’t know how to say it or if she should say it. I decide to give her some time.
She takes a deep breath before continuing.
“Y-you should t-talk to Shi-Shizune about this.”
“You really think so?”
“I-if you keep your f-feelings bottled up, it will only m-make matters worse. You s-should let Shizune k-know your true f-feelings.”
“I agree, Hisao. It is pretty clear that you still have feelings for her. And if I know my cousin right, she definitely still has feelings for you. Yes, she might be a stoic person, and she might have treated most of her life as compartmentalized sections, but she certainly won’t just treat you as a past tense and move on. It’s not like you made her angry or something like that. She just made a serious mistake and, as a result, cannot bring herself to face you. I believe your best course of action right now is to tell her exactly how you feel. Leave the decision to her. If she decides not to take the risk, then so be it. But given her competitive nature, if you can bring yourself to confess to her one more time, I’m sure she will not only rope you back to her side, but also try her very best not to make your heart act up again. I can put my money on it.”
I chuckle on her use of the word “rope”.
“You really think so? Hanako too?”
“I agree w-with Lilly. In fact, if I w-were Shizune, I would do exactly the same.”
“Alright then. I’ll try to talk to Shizune. Still no hard feelings on me being Shizune’s boyfriend?”
“Answer is still no. I stand by my words back then. I’m so glad that you entered Shizune’s life. I want you to be her boyfriend again. I will try my very best not to argue with Shizune anymore, at least in your presence.”
“Okay then. Wish me good luck, girls.”
“S-sure.”
“Wait for your good news. Also, please help me say sorry to Shizune when you talk to her.”
<To Chapter 7C>
References:
(1) “Sisterhood”, Chapter 5
(2) “First Comes Love”, Second Section