Blank Mage wrote:I gotta say, I love that you actually took the time to make a classroom full of interesting OCs. There's not much else to this chapter, but damn, that's quite the achievement. I like that you can kind of already see Katawa Shoujo 2 happening here, how easy and automatic it is to start speculating on those tidbits we get, and what they say about the student. Is that random trivia or alluded backstory? Is there something going on with Naoko? Hiroko transferred in, mute, without knowing sign, that's intriguing. Ken is also a bit of an enigma. Hell, they all are. It's fantastic.
Good God, man. Do you realize this might lead to fanfics of your fanfics? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL
I feel bad about how short the chapter is - but I realized that it was long enough that I couldn't get another scene in without risking damage to the poor defenseless boards. By the time I get to Act 2, I'm probably going to be having multi-post chapters and just go that route.
As for the class...I thought back to the introduction scene of the game, and reading it trying to guess who involved would actually be important. Shizune and Misha obviously stick out, but I totally missed Hanako at first glance. I didn't want to just focus on the characters that I intended to use more, soooo I decided to just blow it out and give everyone a little bit of description, so if they do come up later, it's not out of nowhere.
I also like this little universe I've come up with, and might venture into it in the future for one-shots or new stories and such, so why not go a little all out?
Chapters should progress fairly readily from here. This was HARD to write.
Characters: Shizune > Lilly > Rin > Emi > Hanako
Routes: Lilly > Rin > Shizune > Hanako > Emi
Replaying now, so subject to flux. Except Shizune. Shizune is best.
I'd say at their current length your chapters are not in any danger of crashing the boards
Hmm. Introducing 18 characters in a single chapter is... bold. I hope you don't expect us to remember them all by the next chapter - or we need a "classroom" picture as a mental crutch^^°
Mirage_GSM wrote:I'd say at their current length your chapters are not in any danger of crashing the boards
Hmm. Introducing 18 characters in a single chapter is... bold. I hope you don't expect us to remember them all by the next chapter - or we need a "classroom" picture as a mental crutch^^°
That's good to know. I take the 150 line recommendation to heart, and often end up at like, 100-120 and then panic at the idea of trying to write a thirty line scene and not being able to fit it in.
Don't worry. I do plan on making a seating chart (probably once Act 1 is finished), but you will, in all likelihood, be getting to know only a handful of the class particularly well. The scene's there as an introduction, to get people to speculate on just who'll end up getting more development, and to hammer home the "Hisao is now in charge of these eighteen people as homeroom teacher oh god halp" aspect of things.
Characters: Shizune > Lilly > Rin > Emi > Hanako
Routes: Lilly > Rin > Shizune > Hanako > Emi
Replaying now, so subject to flux. Except Shizune. Shizune is best.
Don't worry, the limitation seems to be more [lines/page] than [lines/post], so as long as there are a few comments in between the chapters you'll get away with much larger posts. The only threads that broke the forum so far were those where the author posted half a dozen long chapters at once.
That's why Sisterhood had to be broken in such small chunks that it took 9 forum pages to post it all...
It's over. My first day is over, and it flashed by in the blink of an eye. Before I really know what's happening, I'm back in an empty room 3-3, going over the events of my day. I'm thankful that 3-3 isn't used by any of the clubs. Having my homeroom free to work in is nice, and it also gives me a place to have meetings with students, should that become necessary. Mutou's hallway meetings were functional too, but I prefer complete privacy.
I teach a bunch of classes over the course of the day. Some seem like they'll be better than others. I can already tell that I'm going to end up playing favorites. Every teacher says that they won't, but in the end, it's just the naïve hope of neophytes. The fact that I can tell that a day in is both telling and a little depressing.
Today there are no papers to grade. I will have more time than I likely will any other school day for the rest of the year. Part of me wants to just go home and enjoy it, but I linger here nonetheless. There are seating charts to learn and preparations to be made. I only have to sign for two of my classes, but my hands are still exhausted.
It's amazing how tiring sign language is when you haven't done it regularly for years.
Just as I start packing up to head home for the day, though, I realize that I have a visitor in the doorway. It takes me a few moments to put a name to the face, but I come up with Osamu surprisingly fast. He's the kid who wanted to start the walking club.
“Sorry to bug you, Mr. Nakai,” he says, “but can I ask you something quick?”
I'm surprised to see him. Most of the kids should be in clubs right now. Though, if he wants to start the Walking Club, maybe he's not in one right now. That would make sense.
“Of course. What's on your mind?”
I have to prepare myself for anything. Literally anything. I don't know Osamu yet beyond what little time he's been in class. This could be something serious. This could be –
“Would you be willing to be the faculty advisor for my club?”
Oh. Well, then. This is easy, at least.
“I can be,” I say, “but wouldn't it be better to get one of the gym teachers to be the advisor? Or the nurse?” They would probably be better at ensuring the health and safety of everyone involved, as opposed to me, who managed to ignore the poor nurse's edict for an entire year and only really started exercising because of a force of nature who made sure that I did everything in my power to mitigate my condition once we started university together.
Osamu nods his head. “Yeah, that's probably a better idea,” he agrees. “Sorry to bug you, then! I'll go ask the nurse.”
He's just about to turn and go when I stop him. He is a source of valuable information for me right now, the first student that I can talk to who has actually sat through a class of mine. Pumping him for information is a great way to get him to be weirded out, but I can't just ask nothing, either.
“I know it's really soon to be asking this, but what did you think of class today?”
The student shrugs. “It was the first day,” he says. “I can tell you're not a jerk though. That's a good thing. Science isn't really my favorite subject, honestly, but...”
He looks a bit uncomfortable to admit that. It's my turn to shrug.
“I understand. Science isn't everyone's favorite. It wasn't mine for a while, but I had a really good teacher when I was here, and he sort of...gave me a nudge in the direction of science.”
“Mutou-sensei, right,” he asks. I'm taken aback for a minute, but I realize that he's been here for two years already. Of course he'd have at least heard of Mutou-sensei.
“Yeah,” I agree. “He was pretty famous around here, wasn't he?”
Osamu nods. “Yeah. He was one of the more popular teachers. Kind of an odd guy, but in the good way, you know? A lot of people were sad when he left. Guess it's kind of cool that one of his students replaced him, though.”
It's another reminder of just who I'm replacing, as if I needed it. Osamu smiles at me, wryly. “No pressure or anything, though,” he says.
“None that I'm not already putting on myself, don't worry.” He almost laughs at that, and I decide to remind him of his initial mission. “You should probably go check with the nurse about that club, though.”
He realizes that he's forgot, and nods. “Sure thing, teach,” he says, extending a hand for me to shake. We do, and he turns to go, calling back to me over his shoulder. “See you tomorrow!”
As he walks off, I can't help but smile. It's been seven years since I was in Yamaku, but I've gotten a lot better at not thinking of what I used to think was the elephant in the room, back then. My mind flashes back to the information I was given about Osamu – and the fact that his left arm ends in a stump where his hand would otherwise be. I never noticed.
One of the advantages, I suppose, of having sat in the same seats as my students seven years ago.
Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I take leave of 3-3, and get ready for the pleasant walk home.
* * *
As I step through the gate to Yamaku, I realize that I'm not alone. Standing just outside Yamaku proper is someone that I recognize fairly well. I should, considering she's my mentor. Exactly what she's doing here I have no idea, but considering she has her bag and cane with her, I imagine she's done for the day.
“Hey, Lilly,” I call out, walking over to her. She turns her head towards the sound of my voice, slowly.
“Is that you, Hisao,” she asks. I nod at first, and then roll my eyes at myself.
“Yes, it is. What are you doing out here? Enjoying the weather?”
It's a little cool out for me, but not too bad. I could see how that would be a possibility for her.
“It's a little cold for that, isn't it?” she asks. “No, I'm waiting for my ride. The taxi should be here any minute.”
That makes sense. I don't know where she lives – but even if it was in town, like me, walking from Yamaku to town alone could be challenging. Memorizing Yamaku is one thing, with only the occasional Emi as a diversion. Memorizing the outside world would be much harder, and potentially dangerous for her.
“Where do you live,” I ask her, out of curiosity more than anything else.
“Just in town,” she replies. “A few doors down from the Shanghai, if you remember it.”
“I do. Very well. I was actually there with Mutou a few months ago. He told me, off the record, that I got the job.”
“Did he, now,” Lilly asks, amusedly. “That sounds like him. I hope he's doing well.”
“I'll call and ask once things calm down. Right now, though, I'm focused on getting used to this whole teaching thing.”
“How was your first day? Did everything go smoothly?”
“It did, yes. I was nervous, but really, it's the first day. The next few will be a lot harder.”
“They will,” she agrees, “but soon, they all become easier. It just takes time, and practice.” Lilly nods, firmly. She's so much more composed than I am that it's a little scary. She's had practice at the teaching part of it, but everything else is just...pure Lilly.
“Thanks for that,” is about the best I can manage. “Here's hoping.”
The conversation falls silent for a few moments. It gives me time to think. If she lives near the Shanghai, that's not too far from me. Maybe I could...
“Lilly,” I begin, a little awkwardly, “would you like to walk to and from school with me?”
The offer catches her off guard. It may be the first time that I've seen her flustered.
“I couldn't impose on you,” she says, but the look of concentration on her face seems to indicate that she's considering it. “Where do you live, Hisao? I assume in town?”
I nod in reply. “I live by the convenience store. Not too far. About...five minutes away from you, I think?”
She frowns. “You would have to walk in the opposite direction of school to come get me, and to drop me off at the end of the day.”
“It's not a long walk,” I say. “You're my mentor. It's the least I can do to repay you. Besides, travelling with someone has to be better for both of us than travelling alone, and you'll save money on taxis.”
She struggles with all of my evidence. I smile, in spite of myself. She's going to crack. She has to. I don't know why I'm taking such joy in this, though. I'm trying to do something nice and mutually beneficial that's turning into a war of wills.
Mercifully, though, she finally concedes.
“You win, Hisao,” she admits, with a combination of a smile and a sigh. “But starting next week. You are a new teacher, and I want you to get acclimated to your environment before changing your schedule on my behalf.”
I want to ask if stubbornness runs in her family, but I decide against it. Still, it's nice to hear the words “you win.” They have been a rare presence in my life for quite some time.
“Alright, alright,” I say, willing to concede the point and let her, presumably, save some face. “Next Monday, though, I'm going to be at your doorstep waiting for you.”
She'll have to tell me where it is first, of course, but that's a minor detail.
“I'll tell you on Sunday,” she says, only for a car to drive up moments later. The driver honks the horn. It must be Lilly's taxi.
“For now, though, I must be off. See you on Saturday, Hisao.”
With that, she begins to walk, her cane feeling out possible obstacles. I watch as the driver gets out of the taxi and opens the door for her. A few moments later, she's off, the car disappearing into the distance down the winding path leading into town.
With Lilly gone, I have no reason to be here anymore, and begin my own trip home.
* * *
Outside the door to my apartment, I am greeted by a package. This is unusual, because I wasn't expecting a package of any sort. When I look down and see my mother's name, though, I smile. Perhaps it's a care package? She had sent me such things sporadically during university, and with my first day of school today, perhaps she had thought some snacks would be a nice surprise?
Scooping up the shoebox sized package with ease, I enter the apartment. Opening the package is the first order of business, but to my dismay there are no delicious treats inside. Instead, there are at least fifteen or twenty small envelopes, and two magazines. Tacked to the inside of the box is a note informing me that this is the mail I've received at home, and that I should probably finish updating my address with everyone.
I sigh. She's right. Things have been so hectic that I almost forgot. Looking through these letters, though, is a task for tomorrow. Or the day after that. Right now, I'm starving, and the idea of cooking isn't particularly appealing right now.
Thankfully, the same Chinese place that delivered to Yamaku seven years ago is still in town, close to boot, and has a wide variety of deliciousness for sale. I dig my cell phone out of my pocket and call. I'm polite with the woman on the other end of the line as I order a scallion pancake and some shrimp lo mein. She and I are likely to get rather well acquainted over the course of this year. After a long day of classes, cooking seems like the last thing that I'll want to do.
Tomorrow, everything starts in earnest. I'll actually be teaching, and getting to know my students better. For now, though, I have survived my first day. Starting Monday, I'll have a walking partner.
That's worth celebrating with greasy Chinese food and a good book before bed, isn't it?
Last edited by Puncyclopedia on Wed Jun 03, 2015 10:35 am, edited 2 times in total.
Characters: Shizune > Lilly > Rin > Emi > Hanako
Routes: Lilly > Rin > Shizune > Hanako > Emi
Replaying now, so subject to flux. Except Shizune. Shizune is best.
A very nice chapter; you continue to capture the feel of a true KS sequel, in some ways.
Just a few things that bug me: 1) Osamu calls Hisao 'Mr Hisai' (that's really odd!); 2) Lilly leans against the wall, which somehow doesn't seem very Lilly; 3) wait a minute, shouldn't Hisao be having a regular daily appointment to check in with his mentor, at least for the first few days? 4) Hisao orders greasy Chinese food — and still has the old number from years ago in his cell phone! Vive la student council, I suppose...
Nothing major. Keep calm and carry on with the good stuff.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end. Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga. "Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
brythain wrote:A very nice chapter; you continue to capture the feel of a true KS sequel, in some ways.
Just a few things that bug me: 1) Osamu calls Hisao 'Mr Hisai' (that's really odd!); 2) Lilly leans against the wall, which somehow doesn't seem very Lilly; 3) wait a minute, shouldn't Hisao be having a regular daily appointment to check in with his mentor, at least for the first few days? 4) Hisao orders greasy Chinese food — and still has the old number from years ago in his cell phone! Vive la student council, I suppose...
Nothing major. Keep calm and carry on with the good stuff.
Each point in turn:
1. I caught myself calling him Mr. Hisai in the last chapter before publishing. I missed it this time. I keep portmanteauing his first name into his last and I have noooo clue why. Will change that now.
2. I see what you mean. Hrmmm. I'll see what I can do to edit that up a bit for more Lillyness.
3. I was thinking weekly meetings for starters - with the first one being conveniently at the Shanghai, of course. I don't quite know how it would work in Japan, but I'm drawing from a relative's experience for this bit, so it's what came to mind for me.
4. He's been back in town for a little while (probably somewhere between a few weeks and a month) in his current apartment while preparing for teach. For me, at least, acquainting oneself with one's takeout options when living in a new place is one of the first things I do. xD It's the same place primarily to add a "the more things change..." sort of atmosphere to things.
HipsterJoe wrote:I see hints that the years with Shizune rubbed off on Hisao during the interaction with Lilly. Really liking this story, and eagerly awaiting more : D
Thank you very much for the kind words! I had a lot of fun writing that scene. By the time we get deeper into things, I'd like to hope and think that in spite of not appearing (yet), Shizune will very much be one of the main characters of this story.
Characters: Shizune > Lilly > Rin > Emi > Hanako
Routes: Lilly > Rin > Shizune > Hanako > Emi
Replaying now, so subject to flux. Except Shizune. Shizune is best.
Anyway, I say good chapter! I like basically everything here.
Fingers crossed we get more Osamu. I kinda like the kid already.
One point that bugged me:
Puncyclopedia wrote:Besides, you're my mentor. It's the least I can do to repay you. Besides,
Using besides twice that quickly in succession is not the best idea - it sounds wrong.
I am the harbinger of your destruction... By herbivorous, mountain dwelling quadrupeds... fear me
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I also write now, apparently. Since everyone else does it, I'm putting it here
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I have also discovered that I'm a decent proofreader. Anybody with SPaG problems is free to PM me their work for a thorough analysis and/or evisceration. Depends on how I'm feeling.
No comments from me, aside from idly pondering the viability of a Lilly End. Depends on Shizune's reasons for breaking up, I suppose. If I'm just wildly speculating, which I am, I would think that given her personality, it could have been a genuine 'it's not you, it's me'. Given her luck in love, it's easy to imagine that she might have broken up with Hisao out of misguided guilt over something she did. (Or thought she did.)
...so, nevermind, totally comments from me.
And we're back.
-----------
"I wish I could convey to you just how socially inept I am, but I can't."
"I think you just did."
"No, I really, truly haven't."
Alpacalypse wrote:
Anyway, I say good chapter! I like basically everything here.
Fingers crossed we get more Osamu. I kinda like the kid already.
Thank you. He will likely show up again. Also, taking your advice into account and editing the double besides.
HoneyBakedHam wrote:Nah, he's totally gonna hook up with a student. Make things spicier than that General Tsu's chicken from that Chinese place.
Not quite - I'm not much for "ripped from the headlines" stories. XD
Blank Mage wrote:No comments from me, aside from idly pondering the viability of a Lilly End. Depends on Shizune's reasons for breaking up, I suppose. If I'm just wildly speculating, which I am, I would think that given her personality, it could have been a genuine 'it's not you, it's me'. Given her luck in love, it's easy to imagine that she might have broken up with Hisao out of misguided guilt over something she did. (Or thought she did.)
...so, nevermind, totally comments from me.
Comments are good! I will say this - you will know why they broke up sooner than you expect. That doesn't mean soon, just sooner than you probably expect.
Characters: Shizune > Lilly > Rin > Emi > Hanako
Routes: Lilly > Rin > Shizune > Hanako > Emi
Replaying now, so subject to flux. Except Shizune. Shizune is best.
By the time I get to Act 2, I'm probably going to be having multi-post chapters and just go that route. 
