Down The Line
“It's kind of creepy being out here so late, isn't it?” Hisao asks, glancing around as we carefully make our way down the hill and towards the small town below Yamaku. It's long past curfew, but just about every member of the night staff knows me by now, and by now I know when they take breaks, as well as which ones aren't quite as diligent with their patrols. They're all pretty nice though, I've probably sleepwalked across the entire campus in the course of my three years here and they've always been... helpful. Sympathetic. More so lately. I've even wound up inside the main building long after it's been locked up for the night. How I got in there remains a mystery, how I got out, an embarrassing story that Miki likes to tease me with.
“Are you afraid of the dark?” I tease him softly, trying to balance my attention between the boy whose hand I'm holding and the task of walking down a fairly steep slope at night. Or rather, very, very early in the morning. Either way, it's hard to see and we're both pretty tired, I could go at just about any time even if I wasn't. I don't know what kind of dreams will be waiting for me when I do, but I'd rather be here, I'd rather be awake.
“I'm not afraid.” Hisao glances sideways at me as we walk. “It's just weird, like some part of you says you shouldn't be seeing things like this, you know? In this light.” Again, he looks at the surrounding countryside, before turning his gaze to the town that we're steadily nearing.
“You might be right.” I reply, zipping my jacket up with my free hand. Summer might be on the way, but it's still pretty cold right now. I hope that Hisao is warm enough. Then again, those sweatervests of his might have some mystical powers, he seems to like them so much. Maybe he just doesn't have anything else to wear under his uniform jacket? I don't remember seeing many other clothes, the last time I was in his room. Next time I'll pay more attention. Or, would that be snooping? Could I just ask him? It's not that I don't like his sweatervests, they're kind of nice. Kind of fancy. I guess.
Oops, he's being quiet, I think I was supposed to say something else. Something, something... ah, got it.
“It doesn't quite feel wrong, in a way.” I say, peering intently at the moonlit town below us. “It's more like two sides of the same coin. It's the same thing, but different. And in a way, it's prettier.”
But then again... “I guess you're probably more likely to run into organ harvesters at night, though.”
“Organ wha-”
“But I like the lights.” I say quickly, glancing over at him. He stares back, one eyebrow raised. Didn't we already have that conversation? About organs? Or was that, was that in my dream? I don't remember. I hate the vivid ones. It's too hard to keep track of what really happened and what was just in my imagination. There was that one day where I got out of bed and took a shower five times before I actually did it for real.
“I like them too.” Hisao nods as we reach the bottom of the hill and begin walking through the streets. He looks around at the various softly blinking signs of the businesses that are still crazy enough to be open at this hour, the glow of vending machines, the gentle hum of streetlamps.
“I grew up in a city, you know.” He says. “It's kind of like this, but brighter, more alive.”
So I guess he is used to things like this. That was another dream, right? Or was it the same one? Right, where we went into the city. That was definitely a dream. It wouldn't have gone so smoothly otherwise.
“Cities never really sleep, right?” I say softly. The words aren't mine.
“Right. There's always something going on, always something to see.” He smiles as he says it, he looks like he's holding warm memories in his mind. But I feel like I'm sinking, in my own.
“There's a city nearby, right? About a bus ride away? Have you been there before?” Hisao asks, looking at me curiously.
“We're here.” I stop, and he stops with me. We've reached the convenience store, still brightly lit and invitingly open, even if the staff inside are probably hoping to avoid any more visitors for the night.
Hisao looks at the store, then back to me, clearly still interested in my answer. I stare back at him, nodding my head sideways a few times in the direction of the door, clearly uninterested in giving him one.
After a few moments, his face falls. I'm not going to tell him and he knows it.
Can't we just go inside? Can't we go back to our vague plan of stocking up on energy drinks and defying sleep by staying up all night? I feel like I'm letting him down, I feel like I'm telling him that I can't trust him, and I know that he agrees with at least the last part, it's written on his face. But I've already taken steps towards opening up to him tonight, I'm not ready to open old wounds, or even show him my scars. I mean, ones on the inside. I don't really want to show him the ones on the outside either, not--I mean, not that I... don't think he's attractive and would never want to... um... I guess I haven't really thought about it. I don't really... daydream that way, and...
Hisao takes a step closer to me, and I look up. I got lost again, even though I'm standing still. I think part of that might have been intentional.
“You run so far away sometimes.” He says, frowning softly, looking me in the eyes.
“I don't remember what we were talking about.” I mumble, my gaze sinking to the ground. It's a half truth, if I really wanted to I could pick up to where I left off, but--
“You don't like cities.” Hisao says, reaching forward with one hand. He looks like he wants to touch the side of my face, but isn't sure how I'll react, isn't sure if I trust him enough. I do, I do, it's just...
“I like the lights.” I repeat quietly, still avoiding his gaze. I take his hand and guide it to the side of my cheek, I trust you, Hisao. I want you here and I want to be here and I want to be able to open up to you but it hurts a lot. Just, just remembering it hurts, just thinking about it hurts.
Some people at Yamaku have lost a lot more than me, gone through things I can't even imagine. But for most of them, that was a long time ago, years and years. For me, it's only been one year. It's still fresh. It still hurts. So much.
Hisao opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He seems to spend a few long moments finding the right words, or deciding what he wants to say. What's anyone supposed to say, in a situation like this? If I had just answered the question instead of trying to deflect it, there wouldn't be this awkward silence. But I can't do that, it's not an option. It would hurt. It would hurt.
Ever since my symptoms first began when I was little, I used to fall all the time. There was nothing anyone could really say, I'm sorry, it'll get better? But it didn't. It still won't, even today.
Get up, they used to tell me. Come on, get up. Don't just lie there and cry.
Get up, he used to tell me. Come on.
It hurts to see you cry.
Hisao seems to finally make up his mind, and he speaks carefully, softly.
“Will you tell me, when you're ready?” He asks, still touching my cheek, my hand still on his.
I know he's not asking about lights. I can feel my eyes beginning to water again, how many times does that make it tonight? Am I really so weak? Or am I just average and anybody would be like this? I don't know. I don't know what it's like to be anyone else, just me. Just Suk—Suzu.
Just Suzu, now.
“Will you still be here when I am?” I manage to find my voice.
Hisao gently lifts my face upwards, and I raise my eyes to meet his.
“Yes.” He says. I gaze into those warm brown eyes, lit by the glow of neon lights and the moon above. Just like that. Just so simple. The next few days, hell, the next few hours are murky and uncertain, and anything beyond that might as well not exist. But he says he'll be here. He says he'll wait.
God damn it. Don't cry again. Come on, Suzu. Pretend it's like my last year of middle school, when I was all by myself. I made it through that, right? I fell down and got back up and sometimes broke things or lost things or had to limp for a while, but eventually I was old enough to come to Yamaku. Those times came to an end. And look where I'm at now, look what I found. Look what found me, this... this stupid boy, who's dragging me out here in the middle of the night when he should be sleeping, because he doesn't want to leave me alone with my nightmares. Out of all the more active and more interesting girls at the school, for some reason, he picked me. And even, even now, when I'm being dumb and complicating things and making them too serious when he probably just wants to relax and have fun, he's still here.
He's... he's still looking at me. Right, he's right in front of me. I got lost again. Sometimes he waits for me to come back, usually I like it when he does that. But sometimes I wind up in places I don't want to be, and when that happens, he almost seems to know. It's, it's kind of spooky, but great, too. Like he can tell, he knows me that well. I don't think I was ever expecting to get that again.
“Come back, Suzu.” Hisao says with a gentle smile. Leaning in, he slowly presses his forehead against mine. Wah. Then he closes his eyes and moves his face back and forth, rubbing our noses together. Wah!
“What are you doing?” I mumble, wiping my eyes. My thoughts all fall away and my cheeks begin to grow hot. This feels nice, where'd he learn to do that? Where does anyone learn to do that? Is there--is there a book on this stuff in the library that I've always fallen asleep before I could find?
“It's cold. I want to go inside.” Hisao says, a grin on his face. He's enjoying this, I can tell. But we... what were we talking about? Something serious, something important, and bad. He was, he was worried, not just about me but about me trusting him and I was worried too, but now it's all in the past, did he do that on purpose?
Just as I'm about to lean in and maybe kiss him or, or something like that, Hisao pulls away, still grinning.
“C'mon,” He says, reaching for the door to the convenience store and pulling it open. “I'm dying out here.”
...He's...
I blink a few times, but quickly shake it off. He's right, we can't stand out here all ni... morning... whatever time it is, I don't know. Besides, he still looks exhausted, and even if I've settled into that mode where you're so tired that you're actually not, I could still fall asleep at pretty much any time. Let's go, let's go.
Come on, get up.
The door beeps as we walk through, and the clerk at the counter bids us a halfhearted welcome. A glance at the clock reveals it to be around 4 in the morning, it's no wonder that we're the only customers here right now.
“Okay, so...” Hisao looks around slowly, narrowing his eyes against the glare of the lights above.
“You need something to wake you up, newcomer.” Smiling, I walk--no, stumble, past him, I guess I need something too. I make my way towards the section where rows of canned drinks sit in gently humming refrigeration units, careful not to get too close to any of the aisles or displays. I've knocked over my fair share of them, although normally either my sleepy apologies or Miki's threats, veiled by laughter, are enough to keep the staff from getting too mad.
“Here we are.” I say. I'm about to pull open one of the glass units, when a glance to my left reveals that I was wrong about us being in the only customers here. Kenji stands in front of the rows of milk cartons, holding one right up to his nose. He seems to be studying the packaging intensely, but looks up as Hisao walks over to stand next to me.
“What are these?” Hisao asks, staring straight ahead. At the sound of his voice, Kenji brightens up, almost dropping his milk.
“Hisao, my man!” He says with a broad but slightly nervous grin, taking a step forward. “I knew you had the survival skills to do your shopping at a sensible hour!”
The boy standing beside me grimaces. “Did you hear something?” He asks, still studying the rows of cans in front of us.
“Um.” I look from him to the bespectacled student standing a few feet away, Kenji's smile has died completely. I guess Hisao is still mad at him. I give him an apologetic shrug, but I'm not sure if he can see it.
I should probably be mad at him too, but I don't know, Kenji just doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who's actually dangerous, in fact, he almost reminds me of myself, the way he worries about a lot of things. Granted, his worries are dumb and mine are mostly not, but still. That and Hisao doesn't really have any other real guy friends at school, he seems to get along well enough with our lunch group, but he doesn't make an effort to hang out with them or anything. Then again, apparently he made efforts to actively avoid Kenji before the whole abduction thing happened, so I guess they were never really all that close. Still, I kind of like the sort of weird friendship chemistry they have together.
Hisao clears his throat, and Kenji only looks more dismayed. He opens his mouth to say something, then changes his mind. He frowns, and though I can't make out his eyes behind those thick lenses, he just seems to give off this air of sadness, of loneliness. Now he really does remind me a bit of myself. But just when I can't stand to see him like that anymore, he nods to himself, as if reinforcing his determination.
Kenji smiles a distant, sly smile, and then springs into action. Holding the carton of milk closely, he backs up against the nearest wall and does some sort of sideways tactical crawl. After a few feet, he falls to the ground, where he begins rolling across the floor. I watch in what I think is amazement as he makes his way to the counter, looking every bit like some sort of amphibious commando. Too bad he's in a convenience store instead of some marsh somewhere, it actually looks like he's spent a lot of time practicing his movements.
The clerk lets out a deep sigh as Kenji reaches up from the floor to drop a wad of bills on the counter and then wordlessly crawls through the door and into the night.
That guy is... that guy is something else. Wow. I turn back to Hisao, who's eyes are still locked on the glass in front of us, although he's blinking heavily and teetering back and forth precariously.
“Here.” I open the fridge and pull out a few tall cans, one for him, one for me, and a few others as spares.
“What's this? 'Tank Fuel'?” Hisao squints at the green and purple packaging as I hand him his. “Warning: may cause depression? Drinks can do that?”
“It's not healthy to read the labels too much.” I say, looking around. “Is there anything else we need? Snacks?”
Hisao seems to be ignoring my advice, as he's studying the can with a growing frown, but he looks up. “Huh? Well, uh... what are we doing?”
I yawn, need to drink this soon. It's gotten me through many nights of cramming for tests, they seem to sneak up on you much faster when you spend so much of your time asleep. I wish they carried it at the school, but some of the ingredients would probably slay a few members of the student population outright.
“We're... we're declaring war on dreams, remember?” That was a fuzzy plan from the start, and I've never been good at planning to begin with.
“Oh yeah, right.” Hisao mutters. Both of us begin to smile, the memory of his bold, silly proclamation coming back. “Sorry, I didn't really have anything concrete in mind.” He says, sounding embarrassed.
“That's all right.” I reply. It was still stupid and great and I'm still having fun. “The company is more important than the... than the course of action.” I stumble over the words a bit, oh god what time is it now. I turn to look at the nearest clock, but a wire frame bin catches my eye instead.
“Ooh.” I walk over and peer inside.
“Movies?” Hisao asks, appearing next to me.
“Mhm.” I reach to begin ruffling through the contents of the bin, but remember that my hands are tied.
“Hold my tank fuel.” I hand the cans to Hisao, who takes them carefully, as if they might explode.
“Are you sure this stuff is safe?”
“I drink it all the--I mean, yeah, I'm sure.” I mutter, turning to inspect the pile of DVDs before me. They're all heavily discounted, a lot of them are old movies that came out a long time ago. I recognize a few as ones that I've always wanted to see, and even a childhood favorite or two. I reach in and grab about five.
“Can we get these?” I ask, turning to face Hisao and smiling. He inspects the covers with a look of approval, but then narrows his eyes.
“'Can we get these' translates to 'will you pay for these'.” He says, half-teasingly.
“Fine.” I wedge the movies in my elbow and pull my wallet from my pocket. As I open it, a single moth flies out, immediately heading for the fluorescent lamps lining the ceiling. We both stare after it for a few long moments.
“Did that really just happen?” Hisao asks, continuing to stare.
“Come back.” I mumble, watching the moth go. After a few more seconds, I look down at my now empty wallet, and then back up to Hisao, grimacing softly.
“Uh.” I guess I'm sort of broke. Maybe I've been sleep-shopping, if that's a thing then I've probably done it.
“It's okay. They're only 200 yen, right?” Hisao pulls out his own wallet and glances inside, as if looking for unexpected visitors, but finds none.
“Yeah...” I don't really like people buying things for me, I always feel like I owe them, and it's really hard to keep track of things like that with my condition.
“Then it's fine.” Hisao takes the movies from my hands, and then brings them to the counter along with the energy drinks.
“Are you sure this one's not too scary for you though?” He winks, holding up one of the DVDs.
“I watched that one with my dad when I was a kid.” I grin. “You might need a new pair of pants, though.”
“We'll see about that.” Hisao says, accepting my challenge. He pays the clerk, who looks like he could use a stiff drink himself, and then we're back outside in the crisp morning air.
That's right, it's technically morning by now. The sun will be up in a few hours, I know that we'll both pay dearly for staying up all night but I wouldn't trade this for anything. I'm pretty sure I have a leg up on Hisao too, I've pulled enough all-nighters to have the drill more than down by now, although most of them weren't by choice. When he finally does crash and burn, I'll be there with the fire extinguisher. Which in this case is would be.... would be... I don't know. I squirm closer to Hisao as we begin to make our way back up the hill towards the school, extracting one of the cans from our plastic bag.
I pop the tab on the green and purple can and take a long drink, the familiar, stinging taste that energy drinks always seem to have washing down my throat. Hisao looks at me, seeming both impressed and a little sad, like he did that time we were studying together in the library. Then, I had been showing off how prepared I was for any sudden, unplanned stops in our cramming, but now, he's seeing how much practice I've had at staying up all night. But it's okay, I'm okay, he doesn't need to worry. I care more about the climb up the hill than anything else right now. I try not to think about how much my mood has changed since we were standing in front of the convenience store not too long ago, because I try not to think about what caused my mood to dampen in the first place. So instead I pull another can out of the bag and offer it to Hisao, he's looking kind of wobbly.
“Here. Drink this, it's goo... it will keep you awake.” I say, catching myself. Hisao looks doubtful, but he puts on a brave face, opening the can and taking a swig. He coughs a bit upon lowering it.
“What is that taste?” He asks with more than a hint of disgust. But then he takes another gulp! Either he's desperate or he's just being a little girl, me and Miki drink it all the time.
“Taurine!” I flash him a tired grin as we reach the top of the hill, the school gates finally coming into view.
“Do you know what that is?” Hisao raises an eyebrow. I shake my head.
“No. And don't tell me either, mister science teacher's pet.” I reply. Hisao looks like he isn't sure whether to be proud or insulted at my remark, so he just continues to make a determined face as he continues to down his energy drink.
We arrive back on campus, just as the sky begins to brighten. Dawn is coming, how horrifying. Thank god it's Sunday, technically, at least.
“Hey.” I mumble as we walk towards the dorms, arms linked. It's cold, we're sharing body warmth, or something. I don't mind.
“Hmm?”
“I've got you for a little longer, right?” I give him a weak smile. Our little trip into town feels like it lasted a long time, but it was really only about an hour or so. I, I don't really want to say goodbye yet though. And we--well, he--bought those movies, I don't want to watch them by myself. Especially not that one, nope.
Hisao smiles back, just as the first rays of light begin to creep over the horizon. If I didn't know better, I would think his smile somehow caused it, I wouldn't put it past him.
“Sure. I'm all yours.” He says with a bit of an embarrassed grin.
I feel myself blushing again. Even though we're being quiet, I can't help but smile and hope that the entire school heard his words, that the entire world heard them.
Do you hear that, world? All mine.
We stealthily make our way to the girls' dorms, although security is usually lax at this hour, anyone who was going to get into trouble would have already done it by now. Except for people like us, I guess. But we're not getting into trouble, we're... we're going to watch movies and, and... share body warmth, and... ohh. Maybe we might get into trouble. I, I don't know. I just won't think about it, I'll just...
As we enter the front lobby and begin to pass the common room, I stop.
“What's up?” Hisao asks quietly. We're less at risk of running into other night owls and more at risk of being seen by early risers at this point. I'll never understand those people.
“Um...” I stare across the room, where the kitchen portion holds a communal fridge, complete with an ice machine.
An ice machine. I had been so tired before, last... last night? Tonight? I still don't know the rules for this stuff. A while ago, there. But now, I'm kind of awake, and if I had Hisao here, I could probably...
It's not that I'm not used to people helping me physically. Miki is always picking me up, always making sure I don't hurt myself too badly, she's like a sister to me. But this is kind of different, Hisao isn't a fiery track star with an impressive mouth and a nasty right hook. Or at least, as far as I know. That would be... wait no, getting distracted.
It's not like he hasn't helped me get around before, or caught me as I've fallen. He's starting to get pretty good at it, actually. And maybe... maybe if I can ask his help with this, then it will make it easier to do some other things. Not like, not like trouble things! I feel my face get a little hotter. No, not like that. Um.
Other things. Much less... much less happy things.
I have a week until the trip home, and he says he wants to come with me. One week, and it will probably go by in a flash. Okay. Okay. Maybe this is the first step.
I turn to Hisao, who's staring at me inquisitively. How... how long was I standing there thinking? Augh.
“Can you help me with something?” I ask.
When we get to my room, Hisao chooses one of the new movies at random and inserts it into the rickety little DVD player that sits beside my tiny TV while I awkwardly change back into my sleeping clothes behind him, a pair of shorts and a plain white t-shirt. He doesn't turn around. I wonder if he thinks about doing it, though? Turning around, I mean, I... oh god.
“Okay.” I mumble, lowering myself onto my cluttered floor.
“Okay.” He echoes, looking back, I can make out a hint of red on his face in the combination of my reading light and the glow of the television. Good, that makes two of us.
I reach up to my bed and pull down a small mound of pillows, scraping them and a handful of the stuffed animals littered about into a back support that almost resembles a soft little throne of junk. It's kind of fitting, I guess.
I reach for a thin shirt, and deposit the pile of ice that we had collected from the common room in it, wrapping them together into a makeshift ice pack. Hisao sets the movie to play, and then takes a seat next to me, watching me curiously. I've done this a couple times now, the nurse is always talking about how important it is to keep up positive habits and not let them slip, and maybe if I do it for a little while longer it will become part of my routine. Although the only routine I'm really able to stick with is passing out all the time.
As I stretch out my legs in front of me, a sudden thought hits me, and I frown bitterly. I had forgotten about this part. It's so easy to forget, when you never really have to deal with it.
I freeze. I can feel his eyes on me, I can see the pained expression on his face in the corner of my eye. This, this isn't why I asked for your help. I didn't bring you here to feel sorry for me, I...
“I'm okay.” I say softly, and Hisao tears his gaze from the scars and scrapes and bruises on my legs to look me in the eyes. He stares at me intently, I can see him trying to understand, probably trying to put himself in my position.
“This is nothing.” I give him a tired smile, and I mean it. I'm not ashamed of my scars and scratches, I just, I mean, they're ugly, but they're not my fault, not really. I wish they weren't there, but it could be worse. All I have is an injured knee, who am I to complain?
With some effort, Hisao finally returns my smile. We sit there, staring at eachother, completely ignoring the low murmur of the TV.
“You're pretty strong.” He says quietly.
“I'm not, I'm not though.” I reply, feeling my face begin to blush again. “Watch, when we get to the icing part, I'll squeal like a baby.”
Hisao's smile widens, and I know he doesn't have to put any effort into it anymore. “I thought the expression was to squeal like a pig.”
“I'm not a pig though.” I pout, and he chuckles. The tension is gone, my fear is gone, how does he do this?
“No.” He says. “You're not.” He leans in towards me, and I get the kiss that I'd been denied in front of the convenience store. He's paying me back with interest, it seems. How does he do this.
“Mmm.” I mumble after what feels like only a few moments but was probably longer. “Ice, icing, knee.” My eyes are closed, our foreheads are pressed together, and I feel so hot. I'm completely exhausted, running on energy drinks, the sun is coming up and the birds, the damn birds are starting to wake up but first things first. I don't know how much longer I'll last.
“Right.” Hisao whispers, and we pull apart. I regret saying anything, but I get over it.
I carefully stretch out my legs again, and begin unfastening my knee brace, slipping it off.
“I don't think I've ever seen you without that.” Hisao says.
“This is a sorry sight.” I mutter, and he grins.
“A foolish thought, to say a sorry sight.” He retorts, reaching for my makeshift bag of ice. I find myself grinning back.
“Just how much Shakespeare have you been reading lately?” I ask.
“Why, do you like it?” He replies with a smile.
“It's so corny.” I try to sound annoyed, but I'm not fooling anyone. “Do you think I'm the kind of girl who will swoon and--”
“Fall into my arms?” He cuts me off, raising an eyebrow. And then he gently places the ice pack on my left knee.
I wince at the sudden cold. “Murther!” I gasp, and he laughs.
“Like this?” Hisao asks, slowly working his way around my kneecap. I make an effort to keep my leg straight, leaning back against my soft chair of cobbled together pillows and plushies.
“Y-yeah.” I mumble. It's not exactly a two man job, but it would be kind of awkward doing this by myself with him here. Besides, he said he would be happy to help, and this... if, if he isn't bothered by my scuffs and scars, maybe he wouldn't be bothered by my other ones. The ones that aren't so easy to see. I don't care that much about the marks on limbs, reminders of bad falls, of broken bones, of sharp things carelessly left out and then followed by really, really bad timing on my part. Like I said, the scars are ugly, and I don't like showing them to people, but... it's not what's on the outside that bothers me. You can take painkillers to help make the reminder of a tumble down the stairs go away, you can, you can rub an ice pack on an injured knee too, I can feel the stiffness retreating. But some things can't be dealt with so easily, some things can't be healed with medicine or even time. That's what I'm scared of, that's what bothers me more than anything.
That's what I need to tell him about.
“It's getting red.” Hisao remarks, and I look down at the skin around my knee.
“Th-that's okay.” I say, still blushing a little. “It's a good thing. Increased blood flow, or something like that.”
“Oh yeah? How do you know it's not magic?” He says, making an effort to do so with a straight face.
“Because if it was then you'd be a frog.” I reply, feeling a yawn coming on.
Hisao chuckles, still moving the ice pack in slow, circular patterns around my knee. I shiver, from the cold, I think.
“Maybe I already was, and you changed me into a prince.” He says.
“No, too corny, I can't let that slide.” I reach behind me blindly, rooting around for a suitable weapon.
“Hey, what...” Hisao narrows his eyes, but he's too late, I've found it.
“Behold, Excalipillow!” I cry weakly, still on the brink of collapsing from exhaustion. “Time to die!”
I lunge at him, holding the pillow in front of me like a battering ram. Hisao falls backward and I land on top of him, pressing my weapon into his face.
We lie there for a few seconds, a glance at my window reveals the sun has risen and a new day is beginning. Huh, I guess we, I guess we made it. I didn't... didn't fall asleep at all, and no more stargazing, or--oh yeah, Hisao.
I lift my pillow away to see a boy staring back at me, eyes bleary with fatigue.
“Still with me?” I ask quietly.
He nods. “Still here, despite your best efforts.”
“I was just testing your strength. You passed.” I lie down on top of him, resting my body on his. I wiggle back and forth a little until I get in just the right spot, but like I'd established previously, he's pleasantly comfortable.
“How's your knee?” He asks after I've settled in.
“I think it's fine.” I say, curling my head into the crook between his neck and his shoulder.
“Am I ever going to find out how you got your brace?”
“Nope.” I giggle.
“C'mon, Suzu.” He pleads, sounding exhausted.
“Noope.” I whisper, closing my eyes.
Hisao sighs, but he's clearly not giving up for good. That's fine... it would be boring if he... if he did.
“Hey, stay awake, we're fighting a war here, remember?” Hisao gently grasps my shoulders and gives me a little shake, but I moan in protest.
“War's over.” I mumble, my voice growing quieter with every word. “We won. Hooray.”
“At least let me get you to the bed.” He says, but I shake my head.
“I won't make it.”
“I'll carry you.” He slowly starts to get up, but I moan again.
“Noooo.” I whisper, but he persists. Hisao peels me off of him, I don't really have the strength to fight or even keep my eyes open at this point, it's all.... it's all pretty muted now.
Gently, and mindful of my unprotected knee, Hisao picks me up and then deposits me in my bed. A silence follows, and somewhere in my fuzzy mind I know he's considering limping back to the boys' dorm, but that's a dumb idea.
I scoot over to the side of my bed, mustering the last of my strength to open my eyes and gesture for him to join me.
Hisao smiles, but he looks a little nervous, as tired as he is. We've, we've done this before, but last time was kind of an accident. This time it's deliberate. But we're still not... I mean, I don't plan to...
It's just sleep. He's warm and comfy and my bed is warm and comfy and that, that sounds like a pretty amazing combination to me right now.
“Are you sure?” Hisao asks. I nod, returning his smile.
“Room for one more.” I mumble.
He stares at me for a moment, but then shrugs, still wearing a tired smile. “Who am I to argue then.” He says, letting out a long, worn out sigh. He glances back at the television, probably considering whether or not to turn it off, but decides it's not worth it and instead removes his shoes and sweatervest.
I close my eyes again, and a moment later, I feel him carefully sliding into the bed next to me. I wrap my arms around him, snuggling close, and he gives me a soft goodnight kiss, even as the rest of the world wakes up all around us.
“Are you okay to dream now?” He asks, sounding like he's barely holding in there as well.
“Mhmm. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” I whisper back.
I feel Hisao nod, but he says nothing further, and I hear his breath begin to even out, his chest rising and falling steadily next to mine. You did good, kid. Not bad for your first all-nighter. Not... not bad.
It's all going dark now. I mean, my eyes are already closed, but everything else is going dark too, I can't hear the noise from outside or the movie playing and, and I can't really feel anything else anymore, just my head on my pillow, and Hisao, cuddled up beside me. I'm checking out, I would be on the last train home, but some part of me knows I'm already there.
One more week, I think to myself, just before I fade away. One more week of this, and then, the future.
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Doomish:
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Meanwhile
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