Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Beoran]

In my experience, liking and loving should be confessed as soon as you feel it clearly, and when you are rejected, you should stop thinking about that person, let them go and move on. Yes its hard, but the suffering or pining for someone who is out of reach is much more terrible.

Sins of my sins: I won't say that what you did was nice, but all in all I'd call it clumsy and/or foolish, not truly "bad". Unskillful. You clinged to her, when you should have let her go. Cause and effect aren't just science, they're part of reality. If you want the effects to be different, and better for you, you will need to use more skilful actions a causes. And so need I in my life, that too was one thing that KS taught me.

On that note, there's another thing I'd like to bring up that's completely unrelated, and yet interesting. This week, I've been reading the whole of the Fruits Basket manga. It deeply touched me and gave me some insights that deepened those I had after reading KS. So I'd like to recommend it to people here who want to learn, if you can stand a bit of drama and have some time to read it all. Look around, if you can't buy it then it's available online too if you have no other way.

[Genesis]

I don't think anyone can knock you for most of what you did, Sin of my sins. When you love someone, you have eyes only for them. Even if someone has eyes for you, it's hard to break away when you think there may be a chance with the one whom you have your heart set on.


I can relate with you to a certain extent. Back in my Junior/Senior year of high school, I was in love with one of my best friends. I only told a few people of my feelings for her, and she was not one of them; I kept telling myself I wasn't good enough for her and I was happy being just her friend. I had a few people I had been close with at that time ask me out, and I declined because I kept hoping somehow I could be with her. I have regretted not giving a chance to one of the girls who asked me for the past few years. Loving the original only caused me heartbreak again and again and she got a boyfriend and another months later after they broke up, until my heart didn't want to feel pain on her account again.


We will regret not giving people chances, but dwelling on that does no good. You will find someone who will make you happy, and when that time comes you will seize your happiness. Once you have it, there will be very little that can get you down.

[Alexbond45]

I cant really relate as well, I usually do not lose people because I do not grow close to them, mostly because I havent really given myself a chance to, instead I usually resort to staying home and restrain my social life.

[Fretless]

Well, I'm not exactly what you'd call "heartbroken" about what's happened in my life, but I think this is the right place to post this. I feel a bit of regret, though. My shyness got the better of me, and I hate that I couldn't get the guts before it was too late.
I never thought that I would connect so greatly with any of the stories in this game, let alone the one that I enjoyed the least. The problem I had with Shizune's story wasn't that the writing was bad or anything, but because my feels ended up pushing Shizune aside because I connected so well with Misha. This caught me by surprise, because before I read Shizune's story, I couldn't stand Misha at all. All that changed after reading, though.
For almost two years, I had known and developed feelings for this girl at school. She's smart, fun, pretty, kind, caring, the whole package. Being the reclusive, shy guy that I am, I was unable to get my feelings out in the open to her. I kept these feelings a secret for far too long, and they began to build up. Valentine's Day was right around the corner, and I was planning on confessing that day. Two days before Valentine's Day, me, her, and my best friend are all hanging out at her house. He leaves early, and I'm left alone with her. Of course, I'm too shy to say anything about it, but whatever, I'll tell her on Valentine's Day. I go into her room to grab my things to leave, and she pulls me aside to tell me something. She and my best friend are dating. They've been going out for two weeks, and I didn't know a thing about it. He knew I liked her, and he never informed me of their relationship. The two talked about how they were going to break it to me, so their hearts were in the right place, but I still felt betrayed by my friend. All of this two days before I had planned to confess.
At that point, I was heartbroken. I felt betrayed by my friend, the girl I liked was dating him, and my plans to confess were ruined. I was a mope for two whole weeks. I didn't want to talk to them, or see them together. I built a wall between me and them, and the final brick was put in when the two finally had enough of my attitude and unfriended me. I immediately rushed to apologize after that, and thankfully they accepted.
After that, the three of use grew more distant from each other. Not in an angry way, but in an awkward way. We'd still talk with each other, and we were all still friends, but we never really hung out with each other outside of school after that. Several months later, the two broke up, and you know what? I didn't give one crap about it. I never thought to myself "Now's my chance" and the thought of asking her out never crossed my mind. My feelings for her were gone...or rather, almost completely repressed. Another several months later, I play this game, and finish Hanako's route. The more I played it, the more feels I felt, and they felt great. And suddenly...I felt my feelings for her begin to reemerge from their hiding place. I thought I'd gone crazy. I thought to myself "Is this game really making me feel this way? I've never felt this emotional about any piece of fiction before. Am I just convincing myself that I still like her?" Whatever KS made me feel, it surely did one thing: it made me want to try again with her. It's been long enough.
Cut to this Valentine's day, a whole year after I had planned to confess to her, a plan which fell apart. She came in the front entrance of the school, and I managed to coerce her to walk with me. I get to a nice, quiet spot in the school, put my backpack down, and take out some heart shaped cookies for her. I got a smile, a thank you, and a hug. Things got quiet for a few seconds before she said that she had something to tell me. The reason that she and my friend went splitsville is because she realized that she's a lesbian.
Of course, I had mixed feelings about this event. I was down that I'd never have a chance with her, but I was also happy that I had overcome my shyness and asked someone out. Although, I also felt a sense of regret. If I had the drive to ask her out a year ago, I would have had a chance to date her. And that makes me a bit blue.

[Alexbond45]

In my Opinion, your shyness saved you, If you had asked her out a year ago, you would have been more severely hurt by her leaving you to be a lesbian. That is just my Opinion.

My Other opinion, Women are impossible to figure out.
(Go Figure)

[Beoran]

Fretless, thanks for your story. I guess it's hard what happened because they are or were your friends, but now everything's "in the clear" in a way. I hope it gets better from now on.

[Exbando]

Exbando,
I understand I am still a few years younger than you, and that it seems you are not visiting the forums anymore. But, as I read the older posts I found yours and it sort of touched me. It was like looking in a mirror it was pretty similar to what I am going through. I have about 4 friends all in the popular group, so I don't get to see them often, unlike you though, you had friends that seemed to always spend time with you. You know, compared to me your a lucIky lucky person. You had the friends that always hung with you. Since my friends arn't always around I get made fun of constantly and it angers me. At first I could ignore it, but then knowing I'm cornered by these assholes who make fun of me all the time is hard to ignore, its hard to ignore being alone while getting bullied and well just the other day I snapped and well yelled in the guy's face. Cursing, yelling, and approaching holding my own ground. But, now God it got worse, I guess I pissed them off. Its so much that I'm depressed, my friends ask me whats wrong, I say nothing. I want to solve this on my own, its hard. I feel like no one cares if I suddenly go missing, or... I think you know. I know how it feels to get annoyed by bullying and I commonly snap. Maybe that brings enjoyment to them. I don't care. But, luckily I have wellness, Pennsylvania state law, thank god. If it wasn't for wellness I may have terrible things on my mind. The quote that changed my mind was "Suicide is a permanent way to solve a temporary problem." Its true it is temporary I'll go to college and never see these guys again. The past two days I found it easier to ignore them. Life's good, I think I'll hang with my friends more often and hopefully make more. Hopefully you read this I'd like you to know that there is another person who cares and knows how it feels.
Since you stopped posting for a while it seems you felt better about your depression but if you don't hopefully you do feel better.
Nick AkA MrDogsniper

I'm still here! I've just been fairly busy, and haven't been keeping up with everything here.

I think that it's a good thing that you've "snapped" a couple times. It at least shows that you can release some of that anger. I only snapped once or twice, so I constantly feel like I'm just going to snap and do something crazy with all the rage inside.

I went through the same thought process of "wanting to solve this on your own" and I think that is not the way to go. I think of this in the same way as Emi's running. It's easier if there is someone else there to push you.

I don't "feel" better about my depression, but I am now getting professional help.

I hope you feel better as well.

Sean AKA Exbando

[coldhole94]

First of all, if me thought is stupid please correct me.
Lately i started to read comments on this topic and a lot of people are depreset(and im to),but wats the point being depreset all the time,are we are born to depress all the time?.I was depresing about 3 eyers because of my disability or i dont now (i have pectus carinatum).But lately i realize that live is not only depression, but fun to ,enjoyment of those thinks that is preasious to us(reading,watching movie)because of those thinks live is great.So for thouse people who having hard times i advice to turn around and see the beautiful planet we live in,full of surprises and those little thinks that makes us happy.

[DoppelGanger]

@coldhole94

I understand what you're saying, I really do.

I know this planet is truly beautiful, full of mysteries to solves and filled with wonderful people to meet. I know that life is a gift, that our mind can achieve amazing things. I know and I believe in all those things.
But (clinical) depression is depression: it doesn't care about who you are, what you do and what you believe in.

It's different for everybody, but for me it feels like as if someone is using you as a puppet. When you think you have control over your life, over your emotions, depression pulls you back from square one, no matter how passionate you are about life. You're just not in control over yourself.

I know you were just trying to cheer us up, and no you're not stupid, but do understand that some of us do try really hard to come over our depression. It feels like a full time job, constantly trying to suppress it. But sometime we feel so exhausted trying, it become hard to care about all the wonders in the world.


Also, I just wanted to let you guys know that even though I don't answer often, I did read every posts in this thread so far. We hope that we can help you all somehow.
If you're still hesitating to write your story here, don't be shy!

[Alexbond45]

The Easiest way to get through feeling Depressed is to do what you like, (I do many Things, I'm Writing about a Battalion of Pikemen in a Fantasy Army, I do Concert and Marching band (Oh do I love Band!) I read about Military History, I collect things from Military History (Albeit slowly, I currently only Have a Replica Civil War Yankee cap and I have an Unfired Minie Ball)

I only feel depressed when I let someone down, but It is usually short, but Major ones have occured (I once Failed a group project because I was too bored! DAMN YOU ADD!!!!)

[Rivan]

Hell, there's even more to read than when I considered "joining the club" for the first time. It makes me feel bad to write things about myself when people here have so much more tragedy and yet help others deal with it.

But, I guess giving your own story is part of joining the club, so I'll try it, anyways.

Compared to my average peer from the university or simply my age group, in the place where I live that is, it is not a stretch if I say that I'm a bit too unique, and definitely broken, person. Not entirely in a bad way. I simply don't find the things other people find so enjoyable. I'm a lot less social, a bit too insightive and serious when it comes to many things other people find to be of lesser importance. My sexuality differs from other "kids" (I'm nearing 21) my age as well, and has for a long time. I'm not sure I qualify as normal and heterosexual anymore, although it *is* the closest to how I should be identified and called, so I won't bother explaining, because it's of lesser importance.

Basically what pains me is that despite those strange traits that *clearly* mark me as the odd one out, I find it easy to consider myself intellectually, ethically and morally superior to many of those peers.
It's not even arrogance speaking. I don't cheat, in tests, competitions, sports, or relations to people - I don't act as if I liked someone only because I need something from them or it'd be socially awkward if I were open with my feelings. I have long since accepted it'll be socially awkward either way, as far as I'm concerned, so I'm honest. I find it offensive that many of my peers ACT as if they were colleagues/friends with someone only to talk the worst kind of crap about them as soon as that person is away...
I consider "fake" friendships and relationships kept up only because it's "lame to be single" wrong, unlike many people I know. I think loveless sex is okay in moderation, and loving sex is probably a lot better, unlike, again most people my age where I live. I actively care for people I like and stand up for my friends when possible, and if people I like in a conflict, I try to be fair to both sides. I don't steal and I find it offensive to give myself over to addictions such as cigarretes or alcohol, or especially drugs. I drink in moderation and very rarely, while MANY if not MOST people my age I know drink ANYTHING but moderately. On occasions where I drink, they usually get stoned as hell and go all around the place acting like idiots with IQ 30 (and no - no offense to people who will get low IQ test results simply because of a mental or physical or genetical illness) and vomiting in random spots.
I could go on, but you get the picture. I may just be meeting wrong people, but it's not a stretch to say that's because most people my age and generation are of this "wrong" kind. I have colleagues and friends, but not many of them. However, I am proud and invested in every single of these relationships, so I guess they're true, at least.

Last, but not least. I'm the only person I know who considers promises the most important thing ever. I rarely give my word of honor on anything, but when I do, I commit myself to it completely. Nothing is more important. If I promise something, it's as good as done. The few times I didn't keep my promises, even though the things I promised where foolish or not truly important, I had suicidal thoughts and I considered myself worthless trash.


My story, unlike some, isn't one of love. It does play a small role : I am in love currently, and it's unrequited (the girl is in a relationship). Since she seems happy with the guy and he is decent enough, I wouldn't dream of trying to make them part just so I could get a shot. I don't know if the girl knows. She seems to really like me even if it's only as friends and actively keeps up the friendly relationship we have herself. I've been placed as a "backup plan" by a girl before but in this case, it seems anything but that. Then, again, I'm really head over heels this time, so I may simply be blind to manipulation.

My short boyfriend-girlfriend relationships are nothing to speak of. They literally lasted *weeks* before the breakups. In first case, the girl was offended by the way I changed my behavior when we were in the relationship. She was attracted to the grumpy, sarcastic, antisocial and insensitive me I often act like when I'm around people I don't care about (it is actually a part of me, it just gets a bit too active when there's no one I really like around). Makes me think she was a masochist now. I was dumped because I became nice to her. I don't think i overdid it. It was natural for me to start caring for her as a person. I didn't pamper her, I just acted the way I think I should, and she said she didn't think I was such a sissy.

The other girl I was in a relationship with made up her mind that it won't work out even more quickly than the first one. Basically, I was good enough intellectually and in terms of personality, but not physically. I, quoted, "just didn't turn her on the way her ex did". That's it. No hard feelings this time.



But my story isn't a love story. It's basically how I developed into a different person than the others. You see, my problems come from the antisocial part of me and the darker part of me, which are separate beings. I was raised in a relatively conservative family. Father had a strong catholic bent, and mother was "spiritual" if not exactly religious (my parents are alive, if you wonder about the past tense). They were a mismatched couple from the start. My mother seems to believe, currently, she married him out of "pity" rather than love. My father was mildly addicted to alcohol before marriage and got more strongly addicted during it. Thankfully, I only had to witness his problems for five years before, apparently, the moment he got violent with my mother he had a revelation where his own father (granpa died when Dad was 12) spoke to him, asking what was he doing.

Father miraculously broke his addiction and became a religious person ever since. Thing is, I started to think * too much* and I grew *bored* with being constantly educated about God. I turned out pretty much the atheist/agnosthic and it's really the only line of conflict I have with my father. We get along well otherwise, even though I'm a lot more open-minded than him. He's homophobic, transphobic, hates Germans, Russians, the French, and has a slightly racist bend. I only dislike the French and I confess to being slightly homophobic. I actually find the odd transsexual attractive, so I can't say I'm transphobic.

The problem with my mother is that she got pretty much traumatized the moment my father's addiciton to alcohol made him violent. I don't blame her. She had enough stress without it.
The problem is : no kid wants to hear that the marriage to her father and, consequently, having kids with him (me and my brother) are her huge life mistakes she regrets like nothing else. No kid wants to hear that every bad trait they have are from their father. No kids wants to be exposed to a clash of impulsive personalities when it's their mother and their older brother throwing incredibly vile insults at each other.

Especially when that kid is an introvert that bottles everything up inside.

It's one part of my darker side, really. I'm patient. Calm, detached even. Most of the time. I find it hard to express positive or negative feelings, but I try to be honest about them even if I feel awkward. The problem is, when I lose it, I lose it. In rare moments of rage, I punched people mindlessly, broke through the door during the fight with my brother where he overdid things and only tried to avoid getting physical (the look on his face was priceless and that, combined with the shock I had when I realized my action myself, thankfully discharged the atmosphere. If it didn't, I'm afraid I'd really hurt my brother). I have dark thoughts. I can easily imagine myself killing a person when pushed to it. It's been so for a long time and only recently, I managed to find a way to simply relax and let go of that anger, rather than constantly vent it through computer games...


Other than that, the childhood my parents gave me was a difficult, but good one. I spent much of the time alone with my brother. If not for a few conflicts, we'd understand each other perfectly even though he is a lot more open and impulsive than I am. However, consequently of his miraculous being cured of alcoholism, my father's view on modern "parties" and on alcohol itself made me the odd one out as it rubbed off on me. When my mates were already having drunk parties and such (illegally, I may add) I avoided alcohol like fire. Upon turning 18, I finally became a bit more liberal, but by that time, nearly everyone I knew was at the point I could easily consider alcoholism if I didn't knew they weren't addicted, they simply drunk in irrational amounts. And they considered it fun. I do get more open after alcohol, but how the hell are the vomiting, acting like idiots, speaking like bigger idiots and vomiting all over the place "fun", I do not know.

The fact that I was being raised as a "good" kid actually made it more and more difficult to interact with others as I grew up. I was constantly teased and regularly betrayed by people I thought I somehow managed to befriend. I held grudges for years and found it difficult to open up to knew people. If I hadn't met my best friend, Adam, I don't know whom I'd end up as.

Basically, Adam was like a mirror image of me. We started out very similar, in terms of interests, intelligence. We were rivals at first. I didn't like him because he was the best friend of my neighbour, whom I considered my best friend at the time, yet he clearly favored him. They grew more distant at the time, and my and Adam's rivalry got more clear-defined. He was always a bit better than me in most endeavours, but, eventually, we both saw it as funny and the rivalry got friendly. Years passed by, we developed more common interests, and I accepted that I was number two in terms of intellect and maturity. I grew to admire him and he grew to appreciate me. By the time we had the first serious fight after years, I couldn't imagine it ever would be him who'd say his sorry, yet he did, and that basically sealed the deal. We hang out even after we went to separate schools. He helped me immensely in personal growth as well as in action, and I'm eternally grateful. I wasn't all about the taking, either, and I helped him wherever I could. I can easily call this true friendship because, even know, when we grew a bit apart and are a lot more different than we were at first, where I could see myself mirrored in him, we both keep in touch as much as possible. It's been 13 years since we've met and I'm proud of this relationship, because when I see other people's "friendships", i can tell many of them aren't half as good.


But, friendship isn't abnormal, it's everything else. Basically, when me and him where still rivals, I got abused, laughed at, and isolated. Even when I tried to befriend people and suceeded, they were quick to betray me whenever it seemed funny or a better opportunity came along. I hurt inside, because it happened even with people I actually took care of and tried to comfort, including a kid who lost his parents. Given the fact I was a lot smaller than many kids my age for a long time, I couldn't exactly defend myself physically. Thankfully, the physical violence was minimal, it was mostly the mental issues with me.

At some point, I begin coping by crying. I was ridiculed and criticised by everyone. I am not sure if it was by the time people in my class said it'd be better if I wasn't there since I'm such a crybaby and I can't even cope with a little teasing, and the teacher said there was some truth in that...

Or was it when my mother said "the only thing I can/am capable of doing is crying"...

Either way, I grew disgusted at the idea. It's a mental block. I'm DISGUSTED by tears. Literally. Even when it's a beautiful girl crying from joy or for a good reason, I am disgusted. When I see or feel a tear in my eye, I want to punch myself, regardless of the reason.
I believe this to be the worst and most abnormal side of my personality. During that time, I also developed a tendency to think my life would end *very* soon. I was pretty sure I'd either end up in a psychiatric hospital or off myself before I managed to get to an university... And I thought these kinds of thoughts for a long time.
I had a single suicide attempt no one ever learned of (I believe I was around 15 at the time, but my memory is clouded). I guess my survival instinct was still too strong to stab myself with a knife into my chest. I guess the fact my mother noticed that day that something is wrong also helped, made me feel like someone cared.


So, due to all the separation and isolation and bullying and loneliness issues, I grew to be a bit agressive, developed a darker, nearly psychopatic side, held a lot of anger, grew vindictive, became a loner by choice rather than being forced into it, developed a distaste for humanity and a disgust for tears.

And then, I grew up. I started realizing my own faults and realized other people had them too. It didn't help the years before, and nor did it help my overall loneliness or distaste of people, but I learned to let go, to be calm rather than cold. My relationships sucked, but, eventually, I fell in love, really and honestly, twice or thice.. I did not have a romantic relationship with either of the girls. I was a "plan B" for one of the girls, the one I loved the least. The second one turned out to be a selfish bitch that acted a lot less natural and honest the more she grew and treated me like a toy, changing moods every few weeks as if to test how I'd behave. By the third year of high school (meaning our third year of knowing each other), when my feelings for her where finally stopped by simple logic and realization we'd never be together, I learned she knew all along. I stopped hoping we could even be friends by then. Later, she CONTINUED the moody behaviors. I hate that woman now, but not with a passion. Rather, her behavior seems so ridiculously funny to me... I always wondered how I didn't turn gay or asexual or misogynistic by the experience, but i didn't.

I'm again in love now, two years later at university. I can't get that girl unless something bad will happen in her relationship, and even then, I may just be friendzoned. But, actually, she's a good friend, and my romantic feelings are slowly dissipating in favor of just staying that, so I'm not unhappy.


Well, since maturing made me a better person, it's time to mention that a few works of art (including all these stupid movies, mangas, animes and games I lose myself in), helped me develop even further and mature as a person. Katawa Shoujo was, I think, the last straw. I'm actually... satisfied with myself. Chilled out. Less moody. A bit more open. Things have colors rather than being gray. I became more optimistic, even though I retained the sarcasm and superiority issues. They're far more humorous now. I joke with my female colleaguie/friend (i'm not yet sure which) about how humanity as a whole, especially our own generation and even more so the younger ones, is doomed and hopeless, so I at least turned this into a joke now. My sarcastic/sardonic sense of humor is now also *enjoyable* for people rather than *occasionally funny for bystanders and often misunderstood*, so that is better as well.

I no longer have any suicidal thoughts. I no longer feel so empty and unhappy. Contact is still a bit hard for me, so are relationships, so is love. I still struggle with feeling lonely and have problems with my sexuality, as much of what I feel is completely opposite to what I've been taught by my family, especially my dad. My family issues tear at me, because it's getting more and more broken up every year. My mother and her sister are currently at a war in court and my brother wants to leave the house every other week, to sum it up.

But I guess I'm better off, because I now feel *whole*. I can *live* the way I am rather than wondering when my pathetic existence should end and whether I am still sane. I don't know if this is happiness, but damn, after being so jaded for so long, this chillout and relaxation feel good. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep this up.
I know my life will be more difficult in the future. But frankly, i don't care, because "now" is Ok, and I'm mature enough to know that perfection is bad, because it can't be improved and worked on.

I hope I didn't bore anyone with writing something this long just to say I'm basically more okay than in the past, but, well, since it's a KS forum and Katawa Shoujo helped finish my new personal development, I can be open with these things for once.

[Alexbond45]

*Long Breaaaath (As If you just told me in Person...)*

Hmm, Interesting Story, The worst side of my Personality stood out as I read this (The "Witty" Part, I try to make the worst Situations even slightly, Humour, And I also come up with Arguments, such as Why your Dad hates Germans and Russians, the Germans killed Millions of Americans, and, If your Father grew up during the cold war, then EVERYTHING was a Secret (compared to today) and Russia WAS kinda the enemy, but away from that)

I must Agree with your Opinions on Intelligence and Parties, I absolutely cannot STAND stupid people or people who can't level to a level of Intelligence. Wait, I'm Straining off to the Argument piece of Personality, Sorry.
Anyway, for the more helpful section, I think that it's great that you have leveled to a stance of Social level, Social Interaction is how you can get farther than others.

ANYWAY, Reach out to other people, expand your friend Circle, you only have 1 super friend, but I think 2 or 3 more, depending on how many you can find, will really help, I have a Best Friend and 2 Other Guys that also help. (AKA: The Alpha Nerd Circle) Then you could begin the Ring of Influence with other people, touching their lives and helping them (AKA: The Beta Nerd Ring), Always be on the look out for people that seem to be experiencing what you experienced, and help them through, The world Doesn't need a suicide from another person, It needs people to prevent that.
This is what you should do.

I'm not sure how much this will help, I think the thread OP can help more

[Beoran]

Rivan, thanks for your story. Of course, there's always someone who is worse off, but like Buddha said, "You can't pull others out of a swamp if you're not solidly grounded yourself". So, it's OK for us to work on our own problems first until they have become manageable enough before we try to help others with their problems. Or do it simultaneously. No matter how "small" our own problems seem, if they're in our way, we have to deal with them.

About alcohol, I'm wildly guessing you live in England or at least somewhere in Europe, since I think young people in Europe are a bit to careless with it. Personally, I like many different alcoholic beverages *for their taste*, and for use in cooking. One or two units can also be a bit relaxing at times. But I hate to get drunk, there's nothing fun about that, and I don't want drinking alcohol to become a bad habit. Also, except for special occasions like, say, the birth of the child of an aquiantance, a restuarant visit, or a new year's party, I only drink alcohol in the evenings and I don't drink and drive, of course! I only got really drunk three or four times, and it was always a bad experience. I really hope people would learn how to use alcohol more responsibly, so actually I'm glad to hear you are like you are. We need more people who think like you.

As for the others people that you seem to feel to be below you, you played "Castlevania Syphony of the Night"? I have a quote for you:
Dracula: Tell me...What...What were Lisa's last words?
Alucard: She said "Do not hate humans. If you cannot live with them, then at least do them no harm. For theirs is already a hard lot".
She also said to tell you that she would love you for all of eternity...
Dracula: Lisa, forgive me. Farewell my son...
And that when Lisa was killed by humans as a witch...

I think most "normal" people also have plenty of their own problems. I'm sure of it. "Normalcy" is for them a refuge from those too. I understand why you don't want to play that game called "society". But, remember this, the social game also is very useful, it make it possible for people who don't really care for each other to work together and live together relatively peacefully. Look at Japan as an example of the downsides but also of the benefits of a country with a complex social game. Feeling aloof of others is also an unhealthy way to hide from our own problems. I think aloofness a Bad Idea in the end. Not that I'm over it myself, mind you. :p

As for the girls you met, I think that in Europe, before, girls were expected to be better behaved than boys. However, now that expectation is all but gone, and as a result, girls tend to become equally messed up as boys now. In the past expectations towards children were exaggerated and too severe, but perhaps in our time, expectations are a bit too free and casual. The pendulum has swung a bit too far to the other side. I hope it stabilizes in the middle for my daughter's sake. But for you, there's many more, and some of those girls will grow up once they hit 20, 25 or 30.

As for sex, even though I have a high libido, but to say it in a crass way, the concept of having sex with someone I don't like seems to me like eating something I don't like on purpose. How desperate do you have to be to do that? And unlike hunger, if you're that horny, you can take care of it yourself. Not as satisfactory, true, but it's sufficient to get along.

Well, those were the thoughts that popped in my head when I read your story. I hope it didn't offend you since no offense was intended. I doubt it was very useful, but perhaps it made you think, and that's already a start.

[Althamus]

Heh. I've been hanging around on these forums for a while now, and saw the Broken Heart Club topic open up, and followed it for a couple of pages, but didn't really want to post anything, and didn't feel best placed to comment on other people's stories.

I dunno why I opened it up again today, but I read the latest page of it. I must confess when I saw Rivan's post, I scrolled down and and thought "Wow, lots of text." But I decided to skim it anyways. After reading the first paragraph, I started reading it actually properly, and read it all through from top to bottom.

Firstly, you remind me an awful lot of myself.

Basically what pains me is that despite those strange traits that *clearly* mark me as the odd one out, I find it easy to consider myself intellectually, ethically and morally superior to many of those peers.
It's not even arrogance speaking. I don't cheat, in tests, competitions, sports, or relations to people - I don't act as if I liked someone only because I need something from them or it'd be socially awkward if I were open with my feelings. I have long since accepted it'll be socially awkward either way, as far as I'm concerned, so I'm honest. I find it offensive that many of my peers ACT as if they were colleagues/friends with someone only to talk the worst kind of crap about them as soon as that person is away...
I consider "fake" friendships and relationships kept up only because it's "lame to be single" wrong, unlike many people I know. I think loveless sex is okay in moderation, and loving sex is probably a lot better, unlike, again most people my age where I live. I actively care for people I like and stand up for my friends when possible, and if people I like in a conflict, I try to be fair to both sides. I don't steal and I find it offensive to give myself over to addictions such as cigarretes or alcohol, or especially drugs. I drink in moderation and very rarely, while MANY if not MOST people my age I know drink ANYTHING but moderately. On occasions where I drink, they usually get stoned as hell and go all around the place acting like idiots with IQ 30 (and no - no offense to people who will get low IQ test results simply because of a mental or physical or genetical illness) and vomiting in random spots.
I could go on, but you get the picture. I may just be meeting wrong people, but it's not a stretch to say that's because most people my age and generation are of this "wrong" kind. I have colleagues and friends, but not many of them. However, I am proud and invested in every single of these relationships, so I guess they're true, at least.

Last, but not least. I'm the only person I know who considers promises the most important thing ever. I rarely give my word of honor on anything, but when I do, I commit myself to it completely. Nothing is more important. If I promise something, it's as good as done. The few times I didn't keep my promises, even though the things I promised where foolish or not truly important, I had suicidal thoughts and I considered myself worthless trash.

Could almost have been written by myself, except that I don't drink at all. And I'm a couple of years older than you are.
I kinda feel a bit hypocritical to talk objectively about your story, because I'm in most the same place as you are. You have however inspired me to write about me, for whatever good or bad it will do.

[Beoran]

Althamus, it seems like birds of a feather do flock together. I'm glad this thread was of some use to you.