Katawa Shoujo Forums

It doesn't really have a lot to do with anyone's questions or whatever, but is the HBHC forum down for anyone else? The website http://www.downforeveryoneorjustme.com tells me it's just me, but I haven't been able to get on for two days. This is the only site that's got a problem. And it's kind of annoying, since the Katawa Seiyu sub forum is there too.

BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:It doesn't really have a lot to do with anyone's questions or whatever, but is the HBHC forum down for anyone else? The website http://www.downforeveryoneorjustme.com tells me it's just me, but I haven't been able to get on for two days. This is the only site that's got a problem. And it's kind of annoying, since the Katawa Seiyu sub forum is there too.

It's online now.

As for HBHC.co.cc, I blame Sandy.... Keep in mind that the .co.cc domain provider is American and due to the nature of DNS, it first resolves the .cc part, then the .co.cc part... Both probably resolve to a server in America. Since it is unreachable, they can't continue resolving the domain to arrive at the actual machine...

Kutagh wrote:As for HBHC.co.cc, I blame Sandy.... Keep in mind that the .co.cc domain provider is American and due to the nature of DNS, it first resolves the .cc part, then the .co.cc part... Both probably resolve to a server in America. Since it is unreachable, they can't continue resolving the domain to arrive at the actual machine...

That makes sense. Though, if that is the case, wouldn't that report an error from everywhere though, not just me? Hence, Downforeveryone and Xanatos should not be seeing it, right? I'm well versed enough in this sorta thing to know for sure.

EDIT: Actually, wait. You're the admin guy of the HBHC, aren't you? Explains how you know what the deal is. Care to educate me on the finer points of website hosting?

BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:

Kutagh wrote:As for HBHC.co.cc, I blame Sandy.... Keep in mind that the .co.cc domain provider is American and due to the nature of DNS, it first resolves the .cc part, then the .co.cc part... Both probably resolve to a server in America. Since it is unreachable, they can't continue resolving the domain to arrive at the actual machine...

That makes sense. Though, if that is the case, wouldn't that report an error from everywhere though, not just me? Hence, Downforeveryone and Xanatos should not be seeing it, right? I'm well versed enough in this sorta thing to know for sure.

EDIT: Actually, wait. You're the admin guy of the HBHC, aren't you? Explains how you know what the deal is. Care to educate me on the finer points of website hosting?

Still seeing it...You're all crazy.

Actually it is happening intermittently... And yeah, I'm the admin of HBHC As for education, not in this topic... If it keeps going on, I'll talk to the server host to see if he knows what's going on.
Anyway, from here on it's normal HBHC stuff, not the website anymore. If you've got an issue with the website, feel free to PM me.

I've read through a few of the stories on here, and they've all made me teary. So, this is my story.

For some reason, my brain could not register when I needed to use the toilet. My brain and bladder were just fine, but the other thing was just not registering for my brain. Which led to accidents. I remember infant school being just fine. The other kids didn't bother me about it, and I had a lot of friends, who I would always play with.

Things changed badly when I entered junior school. It was like infant school was a world away, and the kids had learnt cruelty. I was branded a freak, somebody that shouldn't be touched, and something that should be mocked at every opportunity. I was also constantly being taken to and from the doctor's office in attempts to figure out what was wrong with me, to no use. In my first year of junior school, I was taken out for...I'm not actually sure how long. I'd say two months. I was sent to a hospital/school in our nearest city. The distance meant that I had to board there Monday to Friday, with my parents bringing me home for the weekends. I hated that part, and the fact that I had to take lactulose every morning, which I always found extremely difficult to swallow, because it tasted terrible. The thing is though, that the staff and children there were understanding. The other children had their own problems as well, the problems that had brought them there, and so we were all in the same boat, meaning that we just bonded.

I was sent back to my junior school after that. I don't actually remember much about that, though I know that it did nothing to cure me or anything. I had to miss Tuesday mornings of school to go to therapy, which wasn't too bad. Mostly coz I got to play and do art projects. I did end up making a few friends at school, 3 boys who were considered different as well.

Fourth year of junior school was not great. One of the boys who was my friend before would now make comments about me. The one that stuck out most was "your mum called your Ellen, so that we could call you Smellen." Some other boys in the class started to make fun of my weight (I have always been chubby, ever since I was a baby.) and I responded by striking one of them over the head with a textbook.

Fourth year was also exciting. The year before, we had to be the choir for the fourth year's play. Now that we were the fourth year's it was our turn to do the play, and I was involved in the dance group. Plus the excitement of graduating junior school and moving up to secondary school. I never got to do either of those things though, as I was yet again sent away to that hospital/school. I wasn't released until the start of the term at secondary school.

Secondary school was hell. Bigger school, and a lot more kids to mock me. I ended up going to the library for every break and lunch, which I guess is why Hanako's storyline is the first one I decided to do. I would just sit in the library and find a book to read. When I got bored with the books in that part, I would sneak into the other library (our library was separated into lower school and upper school, but had just a door to separate them) and find books to read in there.

Two boys in my class befriended me and, in their own words, attempted to break me out of their shell. A few months into that, I realised that all they wanted was for people to "fear" them because they had me with them, and everybody "knew" that they shouldn't touch me. It reminds me that at one point in year 7, when I was about 11, I beat a year 11 (15 year old) over the head repeatedly after finally snapping from his bullying.

I ended up going back to the library yet again, but in year 8, the best part of my life happened. I found a best friend. She was so different from everybody. She has never once made any comments about my problem, and we just clicked immediately. We even found out that our parents had been friends when we were babies, so we just felt it was meant to be. We had a lot of similar interests, so we were always usually at each other's house on the weekend. We'd eat lunch together, and go to the library to read together. We never even had an argument until 3 years later.

In year 9, for no reason at all, my problem suddenly stopped. It was literally as if my brain had just learnt how to solve it, and that was that. I remember crying, because I felt that everything would change, that I was okay now, and everybody would see that. When I look back at that, I wonder how I could have been so naive. I was treated exactly the same: like filth.

Two years later, and me and my friend decided that we would ask our parents if we could go on the main school trip. It was a purely optional trip, but their main trip was always the best. That year was to be a trip to Italy. My friend at the time had been going through a ton of problems, which I won't go into, as that's her business and I don't want to share it with others. She ended up missing a lot of school though.

But anyways, she asked her parents who said yes. I asked my parents, who said no. I then had to go through a huge explanation, telling them that this was the last trip I could ever go on with school, and pointed out how many trips I couldn't go on at junior and secondary because of my problem. I pointed out that they had spent money sending my older brother on those trips that I couldn't go on, and that I wanted to experience it before school would be over. So, happily, they agreed and we took our forms in the next day.

Few days later, things went pretty badly. My parents were on holiday, and I was walking to school, as normal, when some boys from school started to shout at me from across the street. They ended up calling me names the entire way, and throwing stones. For some reason (the throwing stones has happened before) if I walk when people are throwing stones at me, none of them would ever hit. So I wasn't hurt, but mentally I was drained.

Half of the morning was a complete blur to me, until the end of the first class, math, when yet again the guy sitting next to me started to insult me as we were waiting to leave. I responded by kicking him 10 times in the ankle, until storming out for the next class. I spent half of that class staring at my folder. When the teacher asked what was wrong, I started to tear up again, and she took me to see the year head, who tried to help me point out who the boys were, but as it was such a big school, I couldn't.

At break time, I ran up to room 52. Room 52 was a room that I had been spending a lot of time in. It was the class where the assistance for the special needs children were, and as a lot of those children hung out there during break, I started spending a lot of time there when my friend wasn't in class. Same situation as the hospital/school. They didn't judge me, and I enjoyed their company. However, I was called in to the office next door, the person who ran room 52. I started to panic, wondering if he was going to ask me to stop coming to the room. However, he started like this: 'I know that you're coming on the trip to Italy, and I'm really glad that you are, but....'

The word but made everything burst, and I burst into tears right there in the middle of his office. My mind was going into overdrive, because I assumed that he meant due to my previous problems, he wasn't going to allow me to go, and with everything that was going on that morning, I couldn't stand it. He tried to calm me, but I just ended up wailing, explaining everything that had happened that day, and now I couldn't go to Italy. Turns out he wasn't saying I couldn't go to Italy, he just wanted to make sure my problem wasn't going to be a problem again. What he said about the boys from the morning made me cry even louder though. "Maybe they smelt you." Through half screaming/half crying, I remember telling him that I was on the other side of the road. Then I just remember his secretary coming in, teary eyed, with a box of tissues. Then the bell for start of 3rd period went, and I ended up spending that hour sitting in room 52 crying my eyes out. I just felt so awful and drained for the rest of the day.

I started seeing a school councillor after that, which really helped. She was kind, and she was always there if you needed help. She was part of something called connexions, which is pretty much an advice support place for young people. She even helped me figure out what I wanted to do after school, which isn't something I'd ever thought about.

I hoped that college would be different, but that hope died quickly. The girls in my classes were extremely bitchy. There was also a girl from my school in the same classes, and I got the feeling that she had told them all about me. As usual, I ended up with one friend in class again. The worst part came when I realised that I was interested in girls, not guys, and the girls in my class found out about it. They would spy on what I was doing on the computer, pull the monitor cable out so that I would have to sort it, crawl under the desks to slap my legs (I "accidentally" kicked one of them when she did that). One girl in my class who in my head I called the slutty one, decided it meant that I must be attracted to her. So, one day when we were working in the training office (we were doing business admin courses), she turned up in an extremely short skirt and kept bending down next to me to show me her pants. When she asked me if I found her sexy, I told her that I didn't find sluts sexy. She attempted to slap me in the face, so I grabbed her arm, twisted it slightly, and told her to never attempt to touch me again. On another occasion, they were bothering me while we were waiting to go home (we were all taking the lift, and our classrooms were on the 8th floor) I got pissed off, so I started to head down the stairs instead when I heard them chasing after me, shouting "we're going to get you!" I decided to use two things that they didn't know: I was chubby, but very fast at running downstairs, and I knew the layout of the college as I'd been there for work experience. So I ended up getting down to the ground floor, and laughing from the side door as I watched them searching the front of the building for me, until giving up.

I guess my favourite parts of what I called me vs. them, was that they got very upset when their friend failed her numeracy exam, and I passed it. I hadn't even made any attempt to brag about it, they asked me score, I told them, and they immediately started to scream that I must have cheated because their friend hadn't passed. I still feel happy when I found out that I had done better than they had in our final exams.

I guess I'm still a lot of things that I was in school and college though. I get nervous when I meet new people, and end up with a nervous laugh. I try and help a lot of people - I hoped that if I was overly nice to people at school, they'd see that I wasn't anything bad. All that happened was that I ended up having a hard time saying no to people. I'm mostly over that now, but I still try and help people in the hope that they'll see I'm not bad. It worries me what people might think about me.

I'm not depressed, but I know that I had a few dark moments in my school life when I wondered if I could make it end by jumping out of my bedroom window. The furthest I ever got in that was writing a note. I'm glad that I got over it now, because I can see, in reflection, that it would have caused a lot more problems instead of solutions. There's still things I haven't been able to do - I've never dated, because I find it hard to trust someone to that extent. I'm trying, and I'm hopeful for the future. I think that out there somewhere, one day, I'll find someone. And if I don't, I have more friends than I ever did in school, and two nephews that already have my heart. I know that I won't be alone, and that's something that means more to me than having a relationship.

Thanks for sharing and welcome to the forum and HBHC, wolceht.

It's weird. But I have to say that I also have traumatic childhood to mid-teenage, I also searching for "someone". I also hope that my colleage year will bring "baptism" to my social life and it's really weird that while I am quite entrustic to do everything I can to help my classmate but I still feel like I am alone. (But I don't think I need help about it now)

I think you might start jogging? Because I found you mentioned that you're chubby and I realize that people often tell that they have no time to exercise but they actually waste it in something that better be used to run. There are a thread called "Emi-inspired running&workout" or something. Running can make you "high" by releasing endophine and lost weight often mean gaining confidence for everyone but few. You can think that you running for (or to) "someone". Who know that your someone might simply don't like chubby people.

By the way, Can anyone post some general solution to help depressed people here? or anyone who can summarize how anyone deals with depression from this 160-page of HBHC or other source. I can't help but noticed that there are too many depressed people in this thread and forum from "getting the feel" thing.

Auratus wrote:Can anyone post some general solution to help depressed people here?

Fluoxetine (aka Prozac). You won't be depressed on that stuff. You also won't enjoy anything ever because it kills every other feeling alongside depression, but everything's got side effects.

Xanatos wrote:

Auratus wrote:Can anyone post some general solution to help depressed people here?

Fluoxetine (aka Prozac). You won't be depressed on that stuff. You also won't enjoy anything ever because it kills every other feeling alongside depression, but everything's got side effects.

That sounds like a particularly hardcore side-effect though. At least, i definitively wouldn't choose it even if my deppresion led me to commit suicide or something.

Dream wrote:

Xanatos wrote:

Auratus wrote:Can anyone post some general solution to help depressed people here?

Fluoxetine (aka Prozac). You won't be depressed on that stuff. You also won't enjoy anything ever because it kills every other feeling alongside depression, but everything's got side effects.

That sounds like a particularly hardcore side-effect though. At least, i definitively wouldn't choose it even if my deppresion led me to commit suicide or something.

I was put on it after some talks with a school counselor. (Note: The school was officially called an "alternative learning center". I got tossed there for the latter half of my Freshman HS year after snapping under the constant harassment of peers and willfully attempting to strangle a classmate into unconsciousness. >.>)

He was a pretty cool guy. But yeah, it was a shitty side effect. That, and I got way too dependent on the damn things. Once the bottle was empty, I never refilled it. That was October 2010.

But, on the bright side, "anal leakage" was not a side effect.

Bullying must have been pretty strong if it got to the point of you strangling one of them, they made you go to this alternative school just because of the strangling incident? I admit i'm surprised at hearing that. By the way, i always thought quitting medicines like those all of sudden/cold turkey could easily land you in an hospital, apparently it's not always the case.

Auratus wrote:By the way, Can anyone post some general solution to help depressed people here?

Depression usually stems from lack of a sense of purpose in life combined with simple physical effects.

For the physical part, try the usual. Sports, eating healthy, social interaction. Particularly the things that are very animalistic in nature to us humans. I do not recommend taking supplements or pills to combat depression on one's own accord. Use it only when you got a recommendation from someone who actually knows what he is talking about (protip: doctor/psychiatrist).

Purpose in life is a bit trickier. This is very dependent on what kind of person you are. But even when you got no clue what to do, the good thing is that searching for it will create a purpose in life in itself. For starters, try everything you ever wanted to do in life. Anything that you always had in the back of your head but never quite took the time to actually do it.

Make yourself a list. Seems childish but really, just try it for even once. You'll be surprised at how difficult it is to take some time apart and focus on what YOU actually want. But just keep filling that list up with anything that pops up into your mind. Those things that subconciously enter your thoughts but don't want to write down because it seems too silly?

You damn better write those down.

@Reksho That's good one I think. IMHO We should combine it with couple more solution that anyone else post and ask Beoran to have it on first post and/or HBHC forum so it will not forgotten in near future and become something like "first-aid" for anyone who need it. If anyone here who actually work in job that involved with dealing with other's depression, I wish your guy could provide some tip or cure for the good of all.

@Xanatos I didn't know that thing so I search it in wikipedia. First two word in Adverse effect paragraph is "Sexual dysfunction"

...Yes. It do have shitty side effect

Auratus wrote:If anyone here who actually work in job that involved with dealing with other's depression, I wish your guy could provide some tip or cure for the good of all.

There really isn't a general ''feel-good'' routine to follow when you're feeling some depression. It's different for every person. I study psychology myself and while this does not make me an authority on anything, I have met more psychologists than the average person. They will all tell you that the physical component is pretty much the same for everyone (e.g. exercising and food). But for the emotional part, it's really up to the person.

Please understand that I do not say this to discourage you, but to save you the time searching for such an all-round solution when there isn't one. Most of the time when you're feeling depressed, it's not really a clinical depression but a feeling that will fade over time. It can just hit you hard sometimes because you tend to attribute the negative things of the problem to pretty much everything in life. Just work towards solving one problem at a time and the succeses of those will make you feel good.