Katawa Shoujo Forums

I think I've always been a fair judge of character and a good listener, and value my personal loyalty to my friends and family above all else. I was always someone who liked listening to the problems of other people. Sometimes, I didn't even offer advice, but just liked being someone people felt like they could vent to. I've always been someone who could keep a secret. But I never allowed myself the same courtesy, to open up to those around me. For example, I have suffered from depression for the past six years, and only started telling people recently. As much as I liked befriending people, I never let myself get closer to other people. Why would I? Who would honestly care about the emotional baggage I'd carried with me for as long as I could remember? I was content with most people knowing me simply as "The nice, slightly socially awkward kid." This especially applied to women, where I simply refused to believe that a girl would like me enough to go out with me, and, whether intentionally or not, walled off all attempts from ever trying to get close to the women around me, never keeping any girl beyond a "friend" level. I'm a sophomore in college, and I've never even kissed a girl.

Speaking of college, that was when my depression kicked into high gear. After a year, every day began feeling like a struggle, like I was surrounded by black tar that some days would be barely lapping at my feet, while others would leave me drowning in it. I almost preferred those days, because at least there was no risk of it getting any worse. People were concerned, and I always waved off their concerns with a forced smile: "I'm really okay, thanks, I'm just a little down." "I'm fine, I'm just being my cynical self." "Ain't I always melancholy? Don't worry!" But I felt dead, fucked up, empty, and that I wasn't worthy of any of their concern. My excuses started getting sloppier, and random strangers began showing concern. "Are you alright?" Asked a sorority girl. "You look like you've been crying." I gave another one of my forced smiles. "Don't worry, I haven't been crying. Recently."

It got very serious, to the extent where I was seriously considering hurting myself. Thankfully, I didn't go through with it, called whatever people I could, and many of them listened and recommended that I go see a therapist. After seeing the one my college assigned me, we agreed that it would be a good idea if I were to take the following semester (the one I'm currently in) off.

During this time, Katawa Shoujo was released. I had played the Act 1 demo in the past, and instantly knew I was going to go for Hanako's route first. Only, I had no idea how profoundly her character would affect me. Quite frankly, playing her route was more than a bit uncomfortable at times, because I saw a reflection of many of my own personality flaws in her. I do have problems with getting closer to others, for speaking up for myself, for trying to say what I mean to say, I do struggle with self-image and self-esteem issues. It was something that bothered me at times. And, me being me, I wanted to help her. Instead, I fucked up and got the Neutral End.

I was frustrated, of course. How could I let Hisao get friendzoned like this? How could I let Hanako slip away like that from him? But that's when I realized that that's probably what I've been doing my whole life. I had been forcing people away from me. I had been too afraid to let others get close to me, and was so hung up on being friends with everyone that I was in fact actively denying people the opportunity to get closer, to let them see the sad face behind the mask. By playing Hisao as I would play myself, I realized how unfairly I treated people, particularly the women, in my life. Later, when my psychiatrist at home called me out on my fear of intimacy, I knew exactly what he was talking about.

Now, I'm doing my best to pursue all of the relationships I've made in the past several years, and I'm trying to keep them meaningful, and I'm trying to be the best person I can. I'm still not exactly well, but I am getting better, and I am moving on. I actually went on what might have been my first date last Friday.

So, thank you, KS devs. I don't know how long it would have taken me to realize this without you.

insert_name_here92 wrote:I think I've always been a fair judge of character and a good listener, and value my personal loyalty to my friends and family above all else. I was always someone who liked listening to the problems of other people. Sometimes, I didn't even offer advice, but just liked being someone people felt like they could vent to. I've always been someone who could keep a secret. But I never allowed myself the same courtesy, to open up to those around me. For example, I have suffered from depression for the past six years, and only started telling people recently. As much as I liked befriending people, I never let myself get closer to other people. Why would I? Who would honestly care about the emotional baggage I'd carried with me for as long as I could remember? I was content with most people knowing me simply as "The nice, slightly socially awkward kid." This especially applied to women, where I simply refused to believe that a girl would like me enough to go out with me, and, whether intentionally or not, walled off all attempts from ever trying to get close to the women around me, never keeping any girl beyond a "friend" level. I'm a sophomore in college, and I've never even kissed a girl.

Speaking of college, that was when my depression kicked into high gear. After a year, every day began feeling like a struggle, like I was surrounded by black tar that some days would be barely lapping at my feet, while others would leave me drowning in it. I almost preferred those days, because at least there was no risk of it getting any worse. People were concerned, and I always waved off their concerns with a forced smile. "I'm really okay, thanks, I'm just a little down." "I'm fine, I'm just being my cynical self." "Ain't I always melancholy? Don't worry!" But I felt dead, fucked up, empty, and that I wasn't worthy of any of their concern. My excuses started getting sloppier, and random strangers began showing concern. "Are you alright?" Asked a sorority girl. "You look like you've been crying." I gave another one of my forced smiles. "Don't worry, I haven't been crying. Recently."

It got very serious, to the extent where I was seriously considering hurting myself. Thankfully, I didn't go through with it, called whatever people I could, and many of them listened and recommended that I go see a therapist. After seeing the one my college assigned me, we agreed that it would be a good idea if I were to take the following semester (the one I'm currently in) off.

During this time, Katawa Shoujo was released. I had played the Act 1 demo in the past, and instantly knew I was going to go for Hanako's route first. Only, I had no idea how profoundly her character would affect me. Quite frankly, playing her route was more than a bit uncomfortable at times, because I saw a reflection of many of my own personality flaws in her. I do have problems with getting closer to others, for speaking up for myself, for trying to say what I mean to say, I do struggle with self-image and self-esteem issues. It was something that bothered me at times. And, me being me, I wanted to help her. Instead, I fucked up and got the Neutral End.

I was frustrated, of course. How could I let Hisao get friendzoned like this? How could I let Hanako slip away like that from him? But that's when I realized that that's probably what I've been doing my whole life. I had been forcing people away from me. I had been too afraid to let others get close to me, and was so hung up on being friends with everyone that I was in fact actively denying people the opportunity to get closer, to let them see the sad face behind the mask. By playing Hisao as I would play myself, I realized how unfairly I treated people, particularly the women, in my life. Later, when my psychiatrist at home called me out on my fear of intimacy, I knew exactly what he was talking about.

Now, I'm doing my best to pursue all of the relationships I've made in the past several years, and I'm trying to keep them meaningful, and I'm trying to be the best person I can. I'm still not exactly well, but I am getting better, and I am moving on. I actually went on what might have been my first date last Friday.

So, thank you, KS devs. I don't know how long it would have taken me to realize this without you.

Reading this is exactly what i thought, did , lived and am living. You sir, needs to keep on fighting. You're already getting there, as you could put all of that in words and post it on the internet. Many of us can't.



As for my part. I just finished my first play through of KS, in Hanako's route. I have to say, you guys are brilliant. I'v been playing / reading ALOT of visual novels and I have to say Kudos....10 hours of awesomeness. Not only his the game and story is awesome byt the depth of the relation was life-changingl. I almost feel like hanako is my girlfriend now ( I wish, don't we all?) Anyways, I guess the Hanako route helped me consider my life alot. I have alot like her and seeing it projected from another Point of view was really helpfull.Like the Other poster said this game is very meaningfull for many of us.

I wish you all Glory for further titles. And this was a one-time thing. Then you guys can prodly live as people who changed other peoples lives.

Kripthmaul logging out, going to save/load every option and try to get Rin's route now.

<3

( English ain't my first language, sorry for any missused of words, like missused?)

I dont really want to help this thread get even more maudlin than it currently is, so i will concentrate on the example the devs have set. After finishing KS, and reading all the blog and the entire ask thread, I am utterly amazed at the motivation and willpower 4LS has shown in making a dream come true.

As someone with a fickle attention span and fleeting motivation, seeing someone work on a purely artistic endeavor for 5 years is inspiring. I have tried other means of artistic expression such as fanfiction, music and even counterstrike maps, but most attempts have been dropped almost immediatly after starting, and those who advanced beyond the basics are never better than mediocre.

That blog post about self motivation struck me particularly hard. I never felt much motivation to do much beyond my everyday obligations, and i never felt (or tried to cultivate) a strong passion about any activity. I guess i dont really know much about myself.

Thank you so much for such an experience. It really means a lot and has inspired so many in a multitude of ways (I can run a 1 mile in 6 min. now, ftw). Thanks again

Thanks for putting all your time into making this for us. I'm pretty sure we all had this affect us in some way as I can tell from the other posts. Waiting since the demo has really made the impact of this that much greater on me personally and it's thanks to this that I now look at the world in a different but better way. Once again I cannot express how amazing the team of 4LS is and I thank you all.

I don't think I've cried this much in a long time. I'm a man and not afraid of crying, but I wasn't even aware I had the capacity for this much. Feels like I've discovered a new part of me. Besides a few sad movies I've never really experienced such emotional art. After completing my first play-through, getting a happy ending, I felt like I didn't want to play the other paths; partly for the silly notion of it feeling like a betrayal to what I'd just experienced, but also partly because I thought I simply wouldn't be able to handle so much emotion. I thought I had lost something; like my life was empty and boring and I'd never experience anything like what I'd just experienced, ever again. But once I did play the other paths, that turned around; now I feel like I've gained so much, grown as a person. So thank you - Thank you for this wonderful piece of art that will forever hold significance in my heart; a heart more full of love and hope than ever before.

On a closing note, the music is... brilliant. I can hardly listen to the soundtrack now without bursting into tears. I'm a composer myself and this is some of the most touching stuff I've ever heard, earning a spot in my slowly growing music library of hand-picked excellence. Unfortunately, I actually recognized the drum loop used in one of the songs; from FL Studio or perhaps an ACID loop pack ~ That was slightly annoying, but I'll live.

Out of curiosity, who'd you get as your first good ending? I got Rin, which kind of put me off at first, as I wasn't planning to go that route. She hadn't interested me at first, but I ended up making the choices that took me down her path. That was a hell of a path to start with, but I felt like it was one of the most rewarding. This being next to Emi's, which is probably tied for my most favorite.

capncrooked wrote:Out of curiosity, who'd you get as your first good ending? I got Rin, which kind of put me off at first, as I wasn't planning to go that route. She hadn't interested me at first, but I ended up making the choices that took me down her path. That was a hell of a path to start with, but I felt like it was one of the most rewarding. This being next to Emi's, which is probably tied for my most favorite.

I had a similar first experience; without cheating, it can be kind of random whose story you end up in on your first adventure. I didn't think much of Emi when she bumped into me in the corridor and even considerable way into her story, but she grew on me, delightfully parallel to how Hisao narrated. And I like that; life is unpredictable.

Then I used the flowchart to navigate the first chapter into, in order, Rin, Shizune (Misha ) and Lilly. I haven't read Hanako's story... do you think I should? I'm rather put off by her scars and shyness, terrible as that sounds. I just don't think I could relate to Hisao on that one.

I hadn't cheated (read: used the walkthrough) when I got Rin, which is why I thought it was interesting. I enjoyed the challenge though.

If you're that put off by Hanako's condition, then maybe you shouldn't play it. Or rather, if you do, use the walkthrough. I've been through all of them whether i was emotionally vested in it or able to relate to Hisao or not. For the ones where I wasn't, it felt more like I was watching something where you know the choices the character should make, and when you see the decisions they come to, or thoughts they have about something (which you know are wrong), it makes you want to reach into the screen and slap some sense into them.

Welcome aboard da feel train. Similarly, I can't bring myself to do Shizune's arc too, so don't worry too much about it.

This VN was just found me a bit late, yet somehow perfect time of my life. Caring about nothing at all in the past few years, drifting away from society and
any social interactions with strangers, I found myself I only keep contact - barely - with my 3 closest friends.

Just a regular boring midweek day after the usualy work, but this time, I found myself I ain't got the mood for anything. Usually, I use games to distract my
mind from the wrongs of the outside world and the inside thoughts of my mind. But this time, no mood for even that. Browsing idly on the web, check the
games session of piratebay. "Katawa Shoujo", so much seeds, what the hell? "Oh man, someone took those annoying dating sims from newgrounds seriously, but
hell, if so much people seeding it, worth a look".

I cannot describe how surprised was I am with the quality, and within no time, I found myself taken with the wave, which happened only when I used to read a
good book - though that was a long time ago too. First thing I noticed that about three hours of playtime passed, and had to take a sleep for tomorrow's work.
It was a long time since I got so hard time to break from a game.

Next day, work was awfully slow, and when I finally got home continued on for about 6 hours long, until I finished the story with Emi. Following no guides, just
making decisions on my own, it came out to perfectly for my taste. Hell, even our zodiac signs with this character are compatible ;D.

What is the whole magic in this thing that I still cannot understand that it struck me much more than finishing a book. The character personality, background,
everything is simply amazing. I never read something that would successfully manage to make someone to wish to be a better person.

It worked out for me. I had social problems for a long time, hard depression, the list could go on. In years, as I mentioned before, managed myself to be afraid
of strangers, to be an outcast to society. But after finishing the game, I started running, which piqued my interest over working out at the gym, as pushing
my limits is running was not enough. Finally I start to form a personality, and maybe people in time will not turn away, as I will no longer going to have the
awkwardness, just like Hanako's.

I now it became a bit long, maybe it shows how much effect this game had on me. Seriously it could be used for medical purposes for people with social phobia
or similar mental disorders.

Your long and hard work is much appreciated 4LS, you truly created a masterpiece, something genius. I cannot thank you enough guys. Cheers from Hungary.

A heartfelt thank you from myself as well.

I'm not much of a writer, but this game made me full a full range of emotions adding to its wonderment.

Hey guys, I recently finished Hanako's storylinewith the good ending and wanted to share something personal that's been bothering me.

There might be some spoilers of Hanako's story.

This is going to get sort of long but bear with me.

I was born in NY with my sister, mom and father. My mother divorced with my father when I was very young. At the time, I did not know the true reason to the divorce, I didn't even know what a divorce was at that age. . My mother tells me she divorced with him because he was not supportive, I believe her but in the back of my mind I have a small doubt. While divorced, I frequently visited him but I only remember segments of what we did during the visits. My mother was running out of money. She could not afford to takecare/babysit 2 kids. She tried to leave us home alone, but at our age she hated herself for it.

When I was in first grade, my mother met another man. He was also divorced her wife and had a kid 4 years younger than me. They seemed happy at first, and my sister and me made friends with our new brother in law. But as time went on, our relationship teared. As we grew older, me and my sister began to see the bad side of my father. He was an alchoholic, abusive to my mom, and only cared about his son. He would force us to play with his son, constantly, and if we refused he would have bought his son toys or any other luxeries me and my sister didn't get. He would also made rude gestures and degrade me and my sister. We liked our brother in law , but the fathers constant force of making us "play" with our brother in law made us hate him eventually. With that, my mom and stepfather had many physical fights. The fights always made me cringe. My mom would usually tell me and my sister to wait in another room, but the sounds of yelling and punching horrified us both.

Eventually, when I was in the 6th grade there was a climax in the relationship. They had one finally fight, and it got bloody. He did something to me and my sister, I don't remember correctly today, and we told our mother. This was the final straw for my mom. They had an argument and got into a physical fight. There was yelling and punching, and I was viewing it all. I saw my mom on the ground shouting and my stepfather hitting/pushing her. I remember running out with scissors(the big sharp ones) yelling at them to stop. My mom tried to take the scissors from me to stab my stepfather,but I couldn't let go. I didn't want any of them to get hurt, it wasn't my intention, I just wanted the fighting to end. Somehow I get the scissors away from my mom and run back into the room. Eventually, the police arrive and my mom is taken to the hospital via ambulance and my father was arrested. The cops tried to ask me what happened, and I tried to explain, but I broke down crying halfway through and the cop eventually stopped asking me.

I locked myself in, hid in the closet and cried for hours. My mom stayed at the hospital for a few days, leaving me, my sister, and stepbrother home alone. It felt like I was the reason the fight broke out, the how the whole incident event happened. My mother comes back and I see her in a neckbrace and I was horrified. My mom eventually filled a divorce order between my stepfather and herself. Me and my sister and mother stayed at the house, but my brother in law and stepfather had to leave. I actually felt bad for my stepbrother, it wasn't his fault his father treated me sister and mom this way. I don't remember a saying a formal goodbye to him; me and my stepbrother lived with one other for 6 years.

Soon me, my mom, and my sister had to move out of the house due to financial troubles. I never got to say goodbye to my friends at school. We move to a cheaper rent apartment. I thought my life would change, as our father would no longer abuse us. But my problems got worse. I started my new middle school when I was in 7th grade. At the time, I was overweight, and was "unstable" at times. We had social workers constantly come by to check up on how we were doing and how we handled the traumatic event, me and my sister both agreed that we should lie to get the social worker to stop coming(it wasn't helpful anyways). My grades plummeted as a result as well. I didn't care about school, it didn't matter to me. At school, I was bullied because of my weight. I hated myself for what had happened earlier in my life and the constant bulling in middleschool. I hated myself, and I automatically assumed that everyone else did to. I didn't have much friends in middleschool.

I was antisocial because I felt like a burden to them. I felt like Hanako, nobody cared, I would only make things worse. Even when people came over to my house(which happened rarely), I felt like they were doing it out of pity not enjoyment. I always felt like people would talk to me out of pity. When people asked me to hang out or something, I would refuse due that thought of myself being a burden to them. When in class, I would keep my head down, avoid eyecontact and talk very quietly.

When I entered highschool though, many things changed. The bullies were in different classes and I never saw most of them again. I met new people and my self esteem grew. I was still anti social freshman year but not as much. I forced myself to fit in with a group of people. I tried to fit in with the "bad" influence, but they eventually diminished. I think the turning point in my life was junior year in highschool. For some reason, I decided to work hard, get good grades, and try my best. my life was turning brighter. I made new friends, I got better grades, and I was getting in shape (got put in school weight training class). Everytime my dad(first dad) calls me, I feel like putting a bullet in my brain(not going to, just feel disgusted) because of the bad memories it brings up.

Today I am a senior in highschool, fitter then ever, have many friends, am not as antisocial anymore, and am getting good grades. If you spoke to me today, you would have never guessed I went through the troubles that I had. My life is enjoyable, and I'm somewhat glad of what happened in the past because of how I turned out today. But even today, that burden feeling never goes away.

I am telling you a story of my life because of how it related to Hanako's. While I was reading Hanako's story, I felt a part of me live through her. I felt what she was going through, her sadness, fears, the feeling of being a burden to everyone, I could relate to all of them. Her story brought out emotions I've tried to cast away and hide all my life. I am sort of depressed after finishing Hanako's story, due to the fact of knowing/relating what she's been through.
I never told anyone in my life this before. Even now, it feels a little weird telling my past with a bunch of random people.

Sorry if its a bit long, or too emotional. I actually teared up while writing this all down. Hanako's story just got me thinking of my past life and how it related to her's.

I don't think I will do another storyline after Hanako's.

Thank you guys for reading, and thank you Four Leaf Studio's for making this beautiful game, it really moved me.

Wasn't too long at all. I'm very happy to know that you are in a more favorable position than you were previously in life. Kudos to you for living through all that and emerging a better person .