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Maybe, though the choice of characters was mostly there for the amusement of the reader, not to make some hidden point. I don't put that much thought into my choices when I play a beat 'em up. Hisao and Hanako are probably no different.

Unless you're a munchkin, which those two are not. Ah, the days of good old gaming fun...

Guest Poster wrote: Yep, it's Blanka vs. Dhalsim in match 1, Sagat vs. Dhalsim in match 2 and Sagat vs. Vega in match 3. (Chun-Li has no sliding attacks) I wanted to pick some fighters who were, in a twisted way or not, fitting for the characters. Blanka and Sagat for Hisao (messy hairdo and chest scar) and Dhalsim and Vega for Hanako. (fire attacks/keep others at a distance and tendency to hide the face) It's nice to see people picking those little things up.

Ah yeah, I noticed that as well; at least for Hanako's characters. I didn't make the connection to Hisao's characters, though, hehe.

As for typo's...it's okay to point them out.

It had been a little over a week since Akira and I arrived at our parents’ mansion(comma) and although the official reason for coming over was seeing

mother and father appear to be early risers,(semicolon, not comma) I wonder what side of the family I take after

How can you think of drinking alcohol before we('ve) even had lunch? (Present tense)

I’ve never really felt comfortable when she vented about our parents, but (I've) never denied her a chance to do so, even though my own feelings are more nuanced.

We get up, take another sip, (change of subject from "we" to "Emi" should break the list here)Emi lets out a cute little belch that most people would only associate with infants(comma) and we start walking towards the staff building. (This whole sentence should be rephrased; it should possibly be two sentences or at least use a semicolon)

I don’t recall getting particularly bad marks lately(comma) and even if that were the case, a teacher would be more likely to approach Mutou or Shizune in order to get in touch with me.

the room I step into would neither fit into a medical staff building nor a school. (This one just sounds awkward.)

Finishing emptying Lilly’s suitcase, I stand up and get ready to return to my own dorm room. (So does this. Perhaps, "I finish emptying Lilly's suitcase, stand up and get ready...")

Having no other people nearby in a one-mile radius has allowed Hanako to relax to the point where she’s been wearing her hairclip almost constantly(comma) and although she’s still not as chatty as Emi or Misha usually is, she’s calm enough to hold conversations with us without her usual stammering.

Naw, she’s just trying to give us some space. Wouldn’t you do the same for her if it were her and me who just got together? (Me or I? I'm not sure)

I was, of course, a gentleman(comma) so Hanako was given the double bed while I spent the first night in the smaller one.

Hanako merely initiated that because she thought it was the only way to prevent me from drifting away from her(comma) and she was so uncomfortable during the whole experience that it was clear to me in hindsight that she certainly wasn’t ready for the act itself.

It really surprised me when I discovered this about myself. (Awkward; swap "this" with "that", and maybe drop "about myself")

Tomorrow morning would(will) probably be very awkward. But I promise myself to wake him up with a smile tomorrow

The reason for the tension I feel is the fact I just completed my first group assignment in class. (the occasional assignments Hisao and I do together notwithstanding) Or rather, my first group assignment that didn’t end in disaster, like some time ago in science class, when I was struck with a panic attack. (Move the period after the parenthetical)

For a moment we just look each other in the eyes. A mutual look of uncertainty, then of mutual reassurance. (Redundant mutual, should be rephrased. "A look of mutual uncertainty, then of mutual reassurance" or "A mutual look of uncertainty, then of reassurance")

I’ve been using them for the biggest part of my life. (Awkward, use "a large," "the larger," "a big," etc. Also consider using "portion" in combination with some of those)

Hanako’s actually quite the snuggle bunny in private…(space)a

I hang my head in shame, but (pronoun/noun) doesn’t seem bothered by it.

She gives a gentle nod, her smile never leaving her face, and (she) replies with a voice that’s tranquil and peaceful. (You can avoid the "she" by rephrasing: "She gives a gentle nod and replies with a voice that's tranquil and peaceful, her smile never leaving her face.")
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I've bolded the more egregious ones. The fact that this was all I found in one read-through should be heartening

pandaphil wrote:You guys are right about the sexy underwear thing. Just wishful thinking on my part I guess.

I do hope that at some point Hanako will feel comfortable enough in their relationship that she'd want to look pretty/sexy for Hisao. The thought of her shyly asking Lilly for help would be adorable.

How about Akira turning up at Lilly's dorm one evening while the women are having tea with an assortment of cute lacy bra's, teddies and panties that just happened to be Hanako's size? Sounds like the sort of thing she'd do.

Hanako would probably have a panic attack. Akira isn't that insensitive. She'd hand Hanako the bag and tell her to check it out later. Although Hanako is a cute sexy when she's sexy, not a sultry or sensual or slutty sexy.

Actually lets talk about Hanako's PJ's. There's nothing too odd about them, but again they cover a lot of her body. I doubt she really thought too much about anyone ever seeing her in them. Probably originally she only though she'd be around Lily if anyone. Then I figure Akira dropped in unannounced one night. And she was able to wear them around Hisao.

Negativedarke wrote:

Hanako would probably have a panic attack. Akira isn't that insensitive. She'd hand Hanako the bag and tell her to check it out later. Although Hanako is a cute sexy when she's sexy, not a sultry or sensual or slutty sexy.

Actually lets talk about Hanako's PJ's. There's nothing too odd about them, but again they cover a lot of her body. I doubt she really thought too much about anyone ever seeing her in them. Probably originally she only though she'd be around Lily if anyone. Then I figure Akira dropped in unannounced one night. And she was able to wear them around Hisao.

Yeah, that sounds about how Akira would handle it, or she'd leave them with Lily and let he handle it.
Still, its normal human nature to want to be attractive to the person you love. So while you'd never catch her in a bikini or even a tank top in public, I could see maybe after a year together, once she finally believes that Hisao actually finds her attractive, wanting to experiment with something skimpy when they were alone together just to please him. It might just start out as simply wearing shorts. And eventually maybe she'd feel bold enough to try something small and lacey. I like to think its just a matter of her gaining confidence in their relationship.

pandaphil wrote: Yeah, that sounds about how Akira would handle it, or she'd leave them with Lily and let he handle it.
Still, its normal human nature to want to be attractive to the person you love. So while you'd never catch her in a thing in public, I could see maybe after a year together, once she actually believes that Hisao actually finds her attractive, wanting to experiment with something skimpy in private just to please him. I like to think its just a matter of her gaining confidence in their relationship.

Like how she does with the hair clip in the fic?

Yeah, that sounds about how Akira would handle it, or she'd leave them with Lily and let he handle it.
Still, its normal human nature to want to be attractive to the person you love. So while you'd never catch her in a bikini or even a tank top in public, I could see maybe after a year together, once she finally believes that Hisao actually finds her attractive, wanting to experiment with something skimpy when they were alone together just to please him. It might just start out as simply wearing shorts. And eventually maybe she'd feel bold enough to try something small and lacey. I like to think its just a matter of her gaining confidence in their relationship.

I don't really see Hanako quickly trying something skimpy on. When she'd get to the point where she'd feel comfortable making an attempt at seducing Hisao (without having to be intoxicated), she'd probably try to emphasize her strengths like her figure (Hisao commented she has a lovely figure and she might eventually be comfy with form-fitting pajama's instead of that oversized nightgown of hers) and her smile. (her smile is considered special enough for Hisao to comment about it in-game)

BTW, Neio, thanks for the corrections. I've addressed all of them.

Okay, you guys win. I give up.

Gonna be some disappointed fan artists out there though.

pandaphil wrote:Okay, you guys win. I give up.

Gonna be some disappointed fan artists out there though.

Since when did fanart strictly adhere to canon? ;P

Guest Poster wrote:

Yeah, that sounds about how Akira would handle it, or she'd leave them with Lily and let he handle it.
Still, its normal human nature to want to be attractive to the person you love. So while you'd never catch her in a bikini or even a tank top in public, I could see maybe after a year together, once she finally believes that Hisao actually finds her attractive, wanting to experiment with something skimpy when they were alone together just to please him. It might just start out as simply wearing shorts. And eventually maybe she'd feel bold enough to try something small and lacey. I like to think its just a matter of her gaining confidence in their relationship.

I don't really see Hanako quickly trying something skimpy on. When she'd get to the point where she'd feel comfortable making an attempt at seducing Hisao (without having to be intoxicated), she'd probably try to emphasize her strengths like her figure (Hisao commented she has a lovely figure and she might eventually be comfy with form-fitting pajama's instead of that oversized nightgown of hers) and her smile. (her smile is considered special enough for Hisao to comment about it in-game)

BTW, Neio, thanks for the corrections. I've addressed all of them.

Emphasis on the "quickly" part, I reckon. Given enough time, the kinky part will appear.

YZQ wrote:
Emphasis on the "quickly" part, I reckon. Given enough time, the kinky part will appear.

That's been my point all along. It might take a year or two for Hisao to reach it, but I like to think theres a perfectly healthy, normal woman buried under all that fear and uncertainty. And like any woman, I imagine she wouldn't mind trying things that might enhance their romantic life. Strictly between just the two of them. But to get there, it'll take time and patience.


(Oops, so much for "giving up")

It might take longer than that. CPL_Crud once mentioned Hanako probably wouldn't be completely self-reliant until she started approaching her thirties. Seeing that she's eighteen now, that's probably quite a few years of two-steps-forward/one-step-back for her.

Guest Poster wrote:It might take longer than that. CPL_Crud once mentioned Hanako probably wouldn't be completely self-reliant until she started approaching her thirties. Seeing that she's eighteen now, that's probably quite a few years of two-steps-forward/one-step-back for her.

He's probably right. It will be a long time before she can function normally in a public setting, if ever.


Mostly what I've been discussing is in the privacy of her own home/bedroom.

Guest Poster wrote:It might take longer than that. CPL_Crud once mentioned Hanako probably wouldn't be completely self-reliant until she started approaching her thirties. Seeing that she's eighteen now, that's probably quite a few years of two-steps-forward/one-step-back for her.

It really depends on whether Hanako herself has an "Eureka" moment, where she just decides that she is no longer going to care how strangers think of her. She's going to do what she pleases, and the rest can go to hell. I myself was once socially awkward (nothing compared to Hanako, though). I had (and still have) major gas issues, and it affected my self-esteem to some extent. One day, I just say,"To hell with it." If my gas issues popped up in public now, I'll just put on a poker face, or have the "I-don't-care" look, which I really don't. Life is too short to be worring about how others see you. You can (and will) have influence, even if (and especially if IMO) you work in the background, or in the shadows.