Katawa Shoujo Forums

Kosher I love you.

Sure is bromantic in this thread.

Mag wrote:i got a face full of yaoi.

Got a face full of what now?

kosherbacon wrote: Sure is bromantic in this thread.

Mag wrote:i got a face full of yaoi.

Got a face full of what now?

See thats how crazy your story was. i was not pleased with that yaoi story good sir. it haunts me now.

Everybody and their dog wrote:AHHHH! YAOI! MY BRAIN, IT BURNS!

Oh man the fuck up, it wasn't that bad. This fandom, and Kosher in particular, is capable of so much more disturbing material than vanilla guy-on-guy.

In other news, kudos to Kosher for thinking of a couple disabilities we haven't seen before ("joined at the hip," dohoho).

This one still cracks me up, especially the ending Everyone else's responses make it that much better

Happy Early Valentine's Day, y'all.

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On the Guidance Problems of School Children
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“She's here, Shicchan.”

Shiina brought the condemned to our office. Miss Ikezawa's cowering shyness had proven to be a more powerful rebellion than any bold words or actions. The delinquent sat on a chair opposite of me and squeezed mousy tears out of her eyes.

At Yamaku, my word was law. If I told my constituents to jump, they would ask how high. If I told Shiina to perform seppuku, she'd do it without so much as a trembling lip. Some, like Satou, challenged my authority, but they only served to lend legitimacy to my regime by giving the appearance of debate and due process. Hell, as far as even the teachers were concerned, I was fucking untouchable.

Only one student continued to defy me with tardiness and class-cutting. I tried threatening her, I tried working around her, hell, I even tried ignoring her. Hanako Ikezawa was the crack in my crown jewel of excellence. Her truancy flew in the face of prudence and school pride. How could I be taken seriously if I couldn't even reign in a girl who wasn't even disabled?!

That day was yet another when I looked my greatest weakness in the face with unblinking eyes and confronted it head on. Again I was fortunate. Her matriarch was not there to shield her. After all, even a lazy foreign cow like Lilly had to get busy sometimes.

I gave Shiina a nod to tell her to get the hell out so I could make my weekly pact with the violet devil to guarantee satisfactory attendance. I didn't know whether or not Shiina knew what happened whenever she was away, but I could tell she was appalled. Like all good diplomatic treaties, it was a dirty deal that brought little satisfaction and left everyone involved battered and bitter. But it worked.

The unconquerable one shook her head in mock protest as we began her punishment. She said something, I think. It didn't matter. I made her aware that it was going to hurt me as much as it would her. With solemn glee, I wrenched my fingers around the taped-up grip of the wooden paddle and idly battled my palm with the implement.

The terrified defiance drained from her face and left pale milky skin with embarrassed pink scars that gave her a permanent blush. With resignation, she took the paddle from me as I presented it.

As per our usual routine, I hiked my uniform skirt up. Silk-screened on my panties that day were wise words on obedience penned by some long dead thinker. With defenses down, it was time to move in for the kill. I tugged my underwear down my thighs, past my knees and kicked them across the room before they hit the floor.

I allowed my authority to fall away when I laid across her knees, belly-down. Just to make things clear, in case she thought she could weasel her way out, I pulled the skirt up again. She did not hesitate for long that time. I was acknowledged with a stinging smack across my ass.

Blow after blow came during the course of Hanako's punishment. The girl who was so scared that she couldn't be forced to swat flies at gunpoint was being shoved face-first into a confrontation with my flesh. Gentle creatures like her get paralyzed by kindness, which paradoxically inflicts cruelty on anyone who would count on them. I hoped that if she could learn to embrace and harness the seed of aggression within, then maybe she would go somewhere in life. Oh if only she could have known the words my mind directed her way.

“Harder, bitch.”

“More.”

“Hurt me. Fucking hurt me.”

I don't know if my words came out of my mouth but they were delicious nonetheless. I grabbed at the bag of toys by the chair and tugged it towards us while I was getting pummeled. A ball-gag in the mouth might have seemed like overkill, considering that I'm apparently silent, but I put it on anyway to chew on the pain of our shared release.

“What's the matter? Grow some balls and hit me with some goddamned confidence!”

”That's it. Punish the big mean bitch who picks on you and your friend.”

By the time Hanako's hitting arm grew too weary to continue, my face was coated with satisfied tears of beautiful anguish. She took the gag out of my mouth and all the misery of being alone at the top heaved out of my lungs. Surely she heard that.

I collapsed onto the floor and demanded more. Hanako's backbone wasn't finished growing for the day. By then, she understood my gestured commands well enough. With her firming hands and the toys in my bag, she humiliated me. She humbled me. She came to know me inside-out. The real me. Through her, my burdens of leadership and example melted away. I was free to be a carefree slave with someone to watch over me. Her slave.

I loved Shiina, but she couldn't understand what I went through as class president. Her idea of support was telling me over and over again to lighten up and relax. I didn't need lightening up. I needed perspective to draw wisdom from. I needed to be degraded and dirtied down to my roots so I could see the world with primal clarity.

Hanako cleaned herself up while I savored my skin's painful trophies. As exhilarating it would have been to be found naked, bound, and sticky, it would have made my life far too difficult. Reluctantly, I wiped myself clean and got dressed. Hanako sank down from a master back to a servant.

...A servant who stood a little taller after every time we were together.

After we started our punishment sessions, she started showing up in class on time more often. Why? Because she had nothing to fear in 3-3 anymore. When she could command her classroom experience, there was no more need for sanctuary.

I couldn't help but feel proud when I saw something resembling a half-smile come from her face. I had no choice but to kiss her. That was the first time I ever expressed any sort of conventional affection to her. Maybe even the first time I've expressed it to anyone, come to think of it.

There was much work to be done before we could stand at the same level. She was truly a remarkable girl who was only held back by herself. Try as hard as I could, I couldn't dominate her, so I had no choice but to let her dominate me. My body ached with the savage potential of a strong woman. If the rest of her could be brought to the level of her stubbornness, then I would proudly call what we have “love.”

I am on top and she is at the bottom. Yet she is my master and I am her slave.

Kinky.

I'm especially liking that last line

Oh god Kosher, you really have a tendency to turn a story around with me simply saying ... "What a Twist"
And i'm overall enjoyed that this process required no bleach what-so-ever, maybe some other things, but no bleach.

By now, it's gotten to the point where I try to anticipate the worst possible twist whenever I start reading one of Kosher's stories.
And STILL he manages to surprise me two times out of three.

So this is what happens when i leave for a while. Kosher gets lonely and stars writing a bunch of stories, that are bizarre even for him. I mean, bro-mance, conjoined twins, and S&M Shizune. C'mon dude. Now you're just letting your imagination get the better of you. So don't worry bacon-bits i'm back, lets keep that imagination of yours in check.

Though i would like to say, its' not like these aren't funny. There just weird. I lol at a couple of them.

Well would you look at that, Snicket taking the initiative. Guess that means its time for me to get back into the game as well.

Oh damn. Snicket and Neuman are back. Good times ahead.

And now, I attempt something a little more normal.

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Women...
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"Um, yeah, that's all, I guess. Uh... Pretty shook up. I er... I don't really want to talk about it right now."

If I heard another person dig their nose into my face to ask me how I felt, I would've seriously socked them in the teeth, school reporter or not. So what if Kenji was my neighbor? We weren't exactly friends. All I ever did was tolerate him more than most people did. Yeah, it sucked that he died like that, but it happens. You couldn't expect everyone to have something profound to say about everyone's passing, right?

I high-tailed it past the sea of morbidly sympathetic looks and headed to the tea room. Lilly and Hanako never intruded upon my privacy, so I was sure to be safe there.

“Oh, Hisao... I've been worried about you. Are you okay?”

Well, maybe not. Well, it wasn't like I could tell Lilly to piss off. Who knows, she might have even said something helpful.

“I'm fine, I guess. It's too soon for me to say what exactly I feel. Everyone's asking me if I had any idea he'd kill himself like that and frankly, I don't know.”

“Are you sure he killed himself?”

There went my hopes for getting comforted in her bosom. The last thing I expected was for Lilly to bring up paranoia in a time like this. Kenji had to have killed himself. The teachers told us the police said so. Besides, Kenji wasn't exactly stable.

“What do you mean?”

“Hisao, do you really think it's possible for someone to shoot himself in the back of the head five times to somehow not be suspicious?”

“Well, uh, you know how Kenji was with his conspiracies. He probably wanted it to look like the Feminists did it or something.”

“Hisao, I have known Kenji for longer than I'd like, and I promise you, he was never the kind of boy who would have let himself pass on in any manner other than a blaze of glory. I fear that he may have been murdered.”

Lilly was right, regardless of how much I wanted her not to be for my peace of mind. There was something definitely fishy about Kenji's death. If Kenji was going to kill himself, he would have made damned sure that as many Feminists as possible would have gone down with him.

Heh, I actually said “Feminist” like they're an actual thing to be scared of. Maybe I really did miss that weirdo. Without any delay, Lilly, Hanako, and I decided to investigate. Our first stop was the library. Not that we had any leads bringing us there, Hanako just had to return some books. We couldn't have gone to Kenji's room, anyway. It was still sealed off by the police.

While Hanako investigated the hell out of the next book in a series she had been reading, I zoned out in front of a bunch of books on feminist theory. Hey, it was as good a place to start as any. Maybe some old suffragette did him in. As if the god of dumb luck smiled upon me, an actual clue came falling out of a worn out book by Betty Friedan in the form of a letter in Kenji's handwriting.

I, Kenji of the Setou Clan, being of sound mind and body, hereby bequeath my possessions to the following in the event of my surely untimely death.

To my mother, the only woman I could ever love, I leave behind the report cards and test scores I buried in the school's courtyard. I hope I did you proud.

To my esteemed class president, I request that a bronze cast of my dick be shoved right in her—

Naturally, his last will and testament was full of bizarre requests to carry out postmortem revenge; anything of his that actually had value was to be burned or buried with him. I continued skimming over the nonsensical document in the hopes that I would inherit is extensive pornography collection.

To my dear brother, Hisao, I leave behind my sizable stash of prescription medication. They won't do me any good in Valhalla, so I might as well give them to someone whose heart is so made of fail that he needs to eat pills every hour just to keep from keeling over.

Fucker.

With the rests of the “succubine agitators” yielding no revelations, I woke up Hanako and met up with Lilly to report my non-clue.

“Hm,” Lilly ruminated, “that's odd. I don't recall Kenji ever taking any medications.”

“M-Maybe th-th-they're for fun?”

“Nah,” I brought up, “Kenji said that modern medicine since the advent of birth control pills was a tool of the Feminist agenda. He even said that daily multivitamins were laced with mind control drugs.”

“Then,” Lilly said with a pose straight out of an exaggerated Sherlock Holmes performance, “we have a lead! If we find out what drugs if any Kenji was taking, then we might find the cause of death.”

“Sh-shouldn't we show the police?”

“I don't think so,” I answered. “They seemed all too eager to close this case and move on. Besides, the implication that he was using drugs would only validate the suicide theory.”

“H-How do we f-follow up on this?”

“Hm, well I suppose searching his room would be impossible. Hisao, would you be willing to investigate at the nurse's office under the guise of volunteer work? I could use my position as council representative to recommend you for it as a club activity.”

“I guess I could do that.”

“Splendid. I'll ask around in our homeroom and see if anything else comes up.”

“And I... I could keep s-searching the lib-library.”

Of course Hanako would volunteer for library duty. But, well, seeing that our only clue came from the library, I couldn't really fault her for wanting to stay in her safe zone.

The next day, Lilly got me signed up for volunteer work at the nursing office with impressive swiftness. Unfortunately, I ended up spending the bulk of the day actually doing work of all things. Who knew? Eventually, the nurse did leave me alone so he could go run an errand.

Using the keys left to me, I opened the filing cabinet and snooped around. It took a while to find Kenji's medical record, but what a record! The fat stack of papers listed a dizzying array of conditions and the drugs prescribed for them. Even to my educated eyes, I could only recognize a few of the items. Apparently Kenji's various mental and physical ailments required the treatment of alprazolam, diazepam, and even topical cocaine! With all of those -ides, -enes, -ols, -axes, and -mines going through his system, it was no wonder Kenji was a lunatic.

Still, if the guy took a lot of meds, that didn't prove anything. I stuffed Kenji's file back into its folder and put it away so I could get out my own records. I figured that looking at my own file would be a hell of a lot less suspicious than looking at someone else's should I get caught.

Inside, I found the familiar sad tale of arrhythmia and surgical convalescence. When I moved on to my prescriptions, I found the usual suspects. Ticlopidine, metoprolol, aspirin, Adderall... Adderall?! I never took Adderall! Or methylphenidate. Or anabolic steroids. I thumbed forward a few pages and found other drugs I never took for conditions I didn't have. According to that record, I was severely depressed as a result of my condition and was suffering from bone loss as a drug side effect.

"You shouldn't be looking at those, Hisao."

Nurse, whose name could just as easily have been “Ninja,” totally snuck up on me and scared my heart still for a moment.

"I was just reviewing my meds, to make sure I'm up to date."

"You should've just asked me then," he said while looking over his back.

“Or are you looking for something else?” the creepy bastard whispered. “Meet me after lights out. Here's a hall pass to get you here.”

The nurse shooed me out before I could ask any more questions. He was scared, really scared. After curfew, my magic hall pass brought me to my clandestine meeting, just in time to catch the nurse hanging from the ceiling with a bag over his head.

Shit just got real.

To my credit, I managed to wrestle the nurse down and dial 119 before passing out like a wimp at the scene. I woke up to paramedics and police fighting over whether to interrogate me or send me to the emergency room. Since I wasn't on death's door, the cops won. After making absolutely completely sure that I didn't murder my school nurse, they let me off saying that the guy was under a lot of stress and that other people they apparently interviewed— invisible ones, obviously —said that the signs were there that he was ready to go.

I made it back to my room to try passing out but ended up stuck in a perpetual loop of contemplative awakeness. The suspicious suicides and excess drugs all fit together, but how? Furthermore, should I even have gotten involved? Kenji was one thing but for all I knew, I got the nurse killed.

I killed someone.

In the morning, the dorm leader checked on me to see if I had died overnight. He told me that he heard about what happened and that Mutou was okay with me skipping class the next few days. I slept off the rest of the day and eventually Lilly and Hanako came by to make sure I didn't starve.

“Hisao, I know that you feel responsible for what happened but this just shows that we need to act quickly before anyone else gets hurt. Whoever is behind this has the police here under their control. We need to find something solid and conclusive so we could bring down whoever is responsible!”

Lilly's pep speech didn't bring any more answers to the drug-fueled mystery, but it did push my reluctant ass into action. We needed something, anything so we could get the prefectural police to investigate this rotten situation. Just like last time, a lead fell into our laps when we got word that Rin was in the emergency room.

I was sent to get answers out of Emi, who was just released by the authorities so she could bawl her eyes out on the roof.

“I-I thought it was suspicious that there was medication with her name on it but R-Rin said it was probably okay and she t-took them...”

Apparently, Emi spent the day helping the substitute nurse out in the office, bagging up prescriptions and working the pharmacy window when she found an order full of antipsychotics with Rin's name on it. Even though Rin's flavors of crazy were well known, nobody knew of there being any condition she was actually taking pills for. Just like me and Kenji, Rin had problems she didn't know she had.

Emi thought it was suspicious so she asked her buddy about it. Rin, being the lovable scatterbrain that she was, saw something with her name on it and naturally put it in her mouth, then ended up overdosing. Emi said that she may have ended up with brain damage. I wondered how anyone would be able to tell.

I left Emi alone to blame herself for the tragedy and reported to my partners.

“It's obvious,” Lilly reasoned, “that Rin was never supposed to receive those drugs. The disruption caused by our dear nurse's demise sent the medication straight to the student population, instead of where it was meant to go.”

Lilly straightened her invisible deerstalker hat and took a serious tone. “We are clearly dealing with a drug smuggling operation. Someone is importing medication into our school using phony prescriptions and selling them on the black market. Kenji was on to them and the nurse was about to turn them in. That's why they were killed. We must do something before another murder or tragic overdose occurs!”

“Wh-when do the d-drugs get shipped to the school?”

“They get delivered to the school's loading dock every other day, at ten PM,” I reported to show that something useful came out of my day as a volunteer.

Lilly clasped her hands and told Hanako and me to stakeout the loading dock the next evening with a camera to find out who was behind it all. I didn't like it. Any of it. Us three gimps were up against drug smuggling murderers. I couldn't help but also resent Lilly calling the shots while I've been doing all the footwork up till then, but I suppose that she couldn't really do much other than strategize anyway.

Another day, another five or six overdoses went by before Hanako and I got into the dirt. I had my doubts as to how useful she could have been but at the very least, it was nice to have a partner who wouldn't spontaneously die like I could. We made a fort with boxes full of condiment pouches and watched the action through a hole in our hiding place. I had Hanako's camera mounted on a tripod and aimed right at the roll-up gate. I started videotaping when the drug van arrived right on time.

Given the events of the case so far, I don't know why I was surprised to see the truck get unloaded not by school staff I recognized, but by a bunch of serious looking goons with serious looking tattoos that peeked out whenever they bent over to lift things. When the truck was empty, the gangsters' inside connection arrived to inspect the shipment.

As if I was reading a page right out of Kenji's rantings, it turned out that the smugglers working the school were none other than Motherfucking Shizune and Goddamned Misha. I was sitting right next to a pair of regular drug baronesses the whole time. Looking through the detached point of view of a camera's viewfinder, I didn't quite get a sense of urgency within me when Misha bitched at her goons for not securing the warehouse before taking in a shipment.

Oh crap.

Hanako shrieked in terror when the thugs started kicking apart our box fort. In the confusion of the collapse, I did the chivalrously stupid thing and handed the camera to Hanako and told her to run like I just set her father's ghost on fire. Fortunately, my diversion worked and Hanako made an escape that would have made Emi proud. My reward for my efforts was a four-fingered fist right to the face before blacking out.

I don't remember much of what happened before the cops saved my ass. It was mostly kicks to my face, throat, and balls. In between blackouts, I even heard Misha suggest that I get mutilated on the spot. Had I known she was such a heartless bitch, I would've smacked her around or at least copped a feel a long time ago. Still, I was fortunate that for once the police did something right and in a refreshingly timely manner. For the second time that week, I ended up in the middle of a swarm of cops and paramedics.

“Chopped fingers and tattoos?” the inspector from prefectural headquarters asked while I languished in the hospital bed in the morning. “Did hear what gang or organization they were with?”

“No,” I mumbled through my fat lip, “everything I heard is on that tape.”

“I see. So far it looks like we're just dealing with a local gang. You'd be surprised how many punks go through yubitsume just so they can pretend to be Yakuza.”

“Where's Hanako? And Lilly?”

“Your friends are just fine. They'll be finished with their interviews soon.”

After an hour or so, the inspector finished up the interview, thanked me for my work, and warned me never to do it again. The investigation was still in its early stages, but so far, Shizune, Misha, and a handful of staff were netted already. Nobody had any idea how long the operation had been going on, but they assured me that it was all over. The cops figured that Shizune used her family connections to set up the whole operation. I always knew she was a scheming, manipulative bitch, but I couldn't help but feel a little impressed that she pulled it off.

I was discharged from the hospital the next day, along with the usual warnings to stay out of trouble. Before I even settled back in, I ran straight to the girls' building to check on my partners. For all I went through, I deserved a threesome. A handjob would have been acceptable too.

The lady downstairs said that Hanako was in Lilly's room so I headed up for my hero's welcome. I knocked on the door only to catch the girls on their way out somewhere. They almost blew right past me as if I were a houseplant. I caught their attention and they gave me cheerful albeit rushed feeling expressions of gratitude. Wherever they were going, I was uninvited and severely underdressed.

Hanako guided Lilly by the hand with her chin held uncharacteristically high and hair pinned back. She was dressed in a sharp suit sort of like what I've seen Akira with but with a pencil skirt instead of pants. She wasn't the timid girl shriveling away from everyone that she usually was. Between the suit and the scars, she could've passed for a professional killer from a movie. She was suddenly a lot hotter than usual.

Lilly managed to out-classy herself that evening. She had a kimono draped on that looked fancy and formal enough to wear to a simultaneous wedding and funeral. With her hair worn down and fancier than usual cane in hand, she was especially unapproachable. Things were getting weirder and weirder, as if that guy who hit me managed to launch me into an alternate universe. Getting answers from the two was hopeless but I did try.

“Thank you for protecting my Hanako, Hisao,” Lilly said while trying to dismiss me near the school's gate. “Your heroism will be rewarded in due time.”

“Oh. Um, no problem. Where are you two heading?”

“On business. We will be back by tomorrow.”

Waiting at the gate was a blacked-out foreign limo. A rather surly looking scar-faced chauffeur got out and approached us with his hand tucked in his jacket. Another two characters hopped out to back him up. Instead of not-so-subtly reaching into their coats, they clutched sheathed swords with hands that had missing digits.

“Is there a problem, Lady Satou?” the chauffeur asked.

“None at all, little brother. This is the boy I told you about.”

The middle-aged chauffeur, whom I suspected was not Lilly's little brother at all, turned to me and bowed. His jacket fell open to casually reveal that he did in fact have a gun tucked in there.

“On behalf of the Satou-kai clan, I thank you for helping our sister deal with her problem.”

“Thanks for everything, Hisao!” Lilly chirped while Hanako guided her into the mafia-mobile. “We'll make it up to you once we get back.”

They quickly sped off and left me to stew in my disbelief. Shizune and her cohorts weren't merely a drug trafficking gang, they were Lilly's competition. My so-called friend just used me to gain territory in Yamaku.

I slumped against the gatepost and crumpled onto the curb to cradle my head in my hands. I was no hero. I was a Yakuza pawn, a sucker.

Kenji was goddamned right all along. Women were nothing but trouble.

-End-

This is no-... Never mind, yes it is when it comes to your writings

Still, I enjoyed reading this fic - Yamaku as a base of operations for Yakuza...

Shit just got real