Well look at that. A new chapter! Sorry everyone, this should have been done ages ago. But as always, RL reared its ugly head, and turned a short filler story into a long, involved chapter. Then about a week ago my proofreader suggested I needed a major re-write, which I took my sweet time doing. But here we go. Hope veryone likes this Penultimate chapter. And now, to get busy on the finale!
As usual, we open with Hisao's lazy ass lying in bed.
-------------------------------------------
Morning already? I blink awake, and notice immediately that I'm alone in bed. That's odd in and of itself, as I'm usually an early riser. I sit up and give a good stretch and spot Hanako sitting at her desk typing furiously away at her laptop. She obviously hears my yawn, and turns, smiling. We exchange the usual morning pleasantries, and she asks if she can join me on my morning run. I agree readily. As if she ever needs to anymore. It's unusual when she doesn't come with me, and quite frankly it's boring as hell when she's not there. After treating me to a kiss on the cheek, she shuts down her computer and disappears into the bathroom to change.
I dig into a drawer and pull on shorts and a sweatshirt. Even though it's late summer, mornings have been unseasonably cool this year, and I don't want to catch a chill. Hanako reappears as I'm tying my shoes, wearing her usual purple jogging suit. She isn't wearing her hair clip, but she has tied her hair back in a single ponytail that falls past her waist. I think it makes her look rather cute.
She waits patiently while I lace up, and we head downstairs.
We do our stretching in the front drive of the house. I can't help but watch her as she limbers up, admiring the way she moves her body. I try to picture her in shorts and a tank top as she stretches her lean body and slender legs. But I know that's not likely to happen for a good long time. It's the price I pay for being in love with a shy girl.
It takes us about ten minutes to do a circuit of the neighborhood. We move along the deserted street side by side, breathing rhythmically, almost in unison.
"You want to go and run in the park?" I ask breathlessly. "It should be dry enough."
"Um, okay," she agrees. "Are you sure we have time?"
"We should be fine. We're making pretty good progress. If we're late, I'll just get breakfast at work."
"O-Okay. B-but no McDonald's," she admonishes me timidly.
"Hey! C'mon, it was just the one time!" I reply defensively. Jeez, she and Lilly are as bad as my cardiologist.
I have to put on an extra burst of speed as we change direction just to keep up with her as we jog briskly down a side street toward the park.
"Hey you're getting *huff* good at this!" I grin.
"Th-Thank you," she responds shyly.
"So, excited about tonight?"
"Uh-huh."
"You don't sound so sure," I observe from the tone of her voice. "Still nervous *puff* about dinner?"
"Yes. I'm sorry."
"Aww, don't be. It's just the same as a regular restaurant. We give them our names, and they show us to our seats. Nobody's going to even give us a second look as long as we act grown up."
"Y-You've done this before?"
"Sometimes I used to *huff* go to fancy restaurants with my parents. Me, or my mom's birthday. *puff* Or for Christmas. When they weren't busy working, of course."
Hanako nods, and doesn't reply, going back to concentrating on the sidewalk ahead. She seems lost in thought, so I just leave her be. It's strange that she still has doubts. Surely she's talked to Lilly about this, especially if it's bothering her this much.
I notice that as we get closer to the park, she's looking more and more intense. Staring straight ahead. Her speed is also increasing, to the point that my legs are starting to hurt and I'm gasping trying to keep up. I guess I should be pleased. After all, she only started running because she wanted to spend more time with me. I didn't actually expect her to get this into it. She's starting to remind me of my old running partner, Emi. It's something we can enjoy together though, which makes me happy.
I wish we could go swimming again. Hanako told me once that her parents used to take her to the beach a lot, and its something she missed. I remember back in school we'd occasionally visit Yamaku's pool on mornings when the weather was too bad for running, and nobody was around. And even once after dark thanks to Emi and her connections in the athletic department. Heck, I think she actually got a little aroused by being in the water with me. So it's a shame Lilly's parents never had a pool installed. There's a swimming and tennis club nearby, but there's no way in hell she'd ever wear a swimsuit in public.
I snap back to the present and see that Hanako's pulled about thirty feet ahead, entering the main gates of the park. I don't think I've never seen her moving this fast. I ignore the pain in my calves and push myself harder to catch up since she obviously isn't aware she's leaving me behind. The pins and needles in my legs are starting to become pretty obvious. Maybe I'd-
*KA-THUMP* *KA-THUMP*
My stomach knots up as pain shoots through my body. I slow to a walk. It's okay, it's just a flutter. If I just-
*KA-THUMP* *KA-THUMP*
I only manage a few more steps. My legs start to feel like they're giving out.
"Hanako, wait! Hold up!" I manage to gasp out.
My heart's pounding so hard that it feels like it's about to burst out of my chest. I have to stop as the world is reduced to an angry red blur around me. Shit! Not this... not today!
I catch myself against a tree with one hand to keep from falling, the other pressing against my pounding chest as I try to catch my breath. It's all I can do to stay on my feet. Wow, it's been a long time since I've run myself this ragged. But Hanako's been running hard, and I've stupidly been pushing myself to keep up. I guess I overdid it.
I close my eyes, trying to steady myself and stop the world from spinning. Dammit, this can't happen today! I need to calm my breathing and hope my heartbeat will follow. Please don't let Hanako see me like this.
"Hisao? HISAO?!" Too late. She heard me. Hanako's frightened voice sounds as if it's coming from the bottom of a well. Her feet pound against the hard packed dirt as she runs back to me. I open my eyes to look at her as she comes to a stop, grabbing my arm, her long ponytail swinging behind her. Her face is a picture of near panic as her features come into focus.
"I'm... fine," I pant as I try to brush her off. "Just need... a break... to cool down for a minute. You were going too fast." I close my eyes again, concentrating on taking deep breaths. Thank God the hammering in my chest is starting to subside and the dizziness is beginning to fade. I think I'm going to be okay.
"Hisao, I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! I-I was busy thinking and didn't realize!" She's starting to grow shrill now, her fingers digging into my arm. I quickly rest my hands on her shoulders — partly to support myself, and partly so I can calm her down. My gaze freezes her in place and she looks up at me with wide eyes rimmed with tears.
"I said it's okay, I'm fine now. Really. Hanako, just calm down." It's all I can do to keep my voice steady. Thankfully my heart's deciding to start cooperating. I grin at her, trying to make light of the situation, but she's not having it.
"It's my fault. *cough* I shouldn't have pushed myself so hard to keep up."
"Yes it is your fault!" she snaps. Whoa! Her abrupt change of mood catches me completely off guard. She takes a step forward. "You need to tell me if you're in trouble! Yo-You know I would have slowed down!" She wipes angrily at the tears staining her cheeks with the back of her sleeve, glaring at me fiercely.
I wasn't expecting this. Hanako rarely loses her temper, but when she does, it can be downright frightening.
"Sorry, I'm sorry!" I hold up my hands in mock surrender, as if trying to fend her off. "You're right. I guess it was just male pride. I should have spoken up before it got this bad."
She's really worked up about this. I consider making a joke, but flippancy is only going to make things worse. Maybe if I change the subject.
"I wasn't expecting you to leave me in the dust like that. You've turned into a real athlete." I smile weakly, but she continues glowering at me. So much for that plan. "C'mon, Hanako, my heart's fine now, I swear. I'm still just a little winded now is all. We'll take a break and then we can head back, okay?"
She gazes at me, motionless for a long time, her fists clenched together in front of her. Then she just seems to deflate, looking suddenly lost as her hands fall to her sides. "O-Okay." Her gaze drops to the ground, as if she can't bring herself to meet my gaze. "I... I'm sorry I yelled," she says with a sniffle. "I... just... worry that I'm going to lose you."
I take her hands in mine, bringing her around to face me. "You won't. I promise. How could anything happen with you and Lilly keeping me in line?" I give her one of my most heartfelt smiles, which, thank goodness, she returns after a few seconds- if rather feebly. "You were right. I deserved a good chewing out for being irresponsible. I promise I won't overexert myself again. And you call me on it if I do, okay?"
That seems to satisfy her as she nods a little more energetically. But she still won't look at me.
Now that we're both convinced I'm not going to keel over dead, I take a long, deep breath of the morning air, filling my lungs with the earthy smell of the woods and lean back against the cedar, the bark rough and uneven against my back. So at least the crisis is over for now. Between dieting, and all this exercise, my arrhythmia hasn't flared up in over six months, and I'd almost forgotten about it, and I wanted to keep it that way. I feel like a dick for frightening Hanako.
"And... I promise not to run so fast." She rests her back against the tree beside me, watching me warily out of the corner of her eye.
It's a little annoying, the more I think about this whole situation. I was ready to pass out trying to keep up. But looking at her, I see her face is sweaty, but otherwise she hardly seems to have exerted herself at all. I may be the more experienced runner, but she's in much better physical shape than me, and has the advantage of a perfectly healthy heart. I should have expected it would only be a matter of time before she was leaving me behind.
So now it's come to this. I'm jealous of my girlfriend.
I shouldn't really be surprised at her display of energy this morning either. Today's the big day. Our anniversary. One whole year since we got together. And tonight's our big dinner date. And afterwards, I give her the photo I jumped through hoops to get. God, I hope she likes it.
As we stand there with nothing much else to do while I recover, I let my gaze wander absently over our surroundings. There's really nothing special about it. Just a normal neighborhood park. With wooded areas, a small soccer field, picnic tables and benches, but with a very good jogging trail, one we've used countless times when the weather's been dry and the dirt paths free from mud. It's mostly empty this time of morning, save for the occasional jogger or elderly neighbor walking their dog. A light morning mist hovers just above the ground, muffling what little sound there is, and making the park seem even more deserted. The emptiness suits Hanako just fine, though. There's less chance of an awkward encounter with a stranger. Most of the time she feels secure enough here to leave her hood down and her hair back. Which suits ME just fine.
This particular part of the path is next to an open grassy area, dotted with small trees, and some shrubs. There's a small metal fence nearby that divides the park from the street. A layout which strikes me as familiar. I start to smile, thinking of something that just might cheer Hanako up.
"Does this remind you of anywhere?" I remark casually.
"Huh?" Hanako looks up from twirling a loose strand of hair around her finger.
"The park, I mean." A slightly teasing tone starts to creep into my voice. "Doesn't it remind you of another park? From say, about a year ago?"
Hanako looks around for a few moments, looking bemused — probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Then she gets it. Her cheeks redden as the realization sinks in and she drops her gaze. The faint trace of a shy smile touching the corners of her mouth. After a nervous moment, she looks timidly up at me. "I... I guess it does... a little." I feel her hand start to reach out hesitantly and I intercept it with mine, giving her fingers a squeeze.
"Today's one whole year since the first time I said I loved you," I say to her tenderly as I lean my shoulder against hers.
"A-And... one year since I gave you my first gift." She echoes my tone. Her cheeks are a bright red now, but she's smiling openly.
"And a year since I asked you to be my girlfriend." My head is leaning against hers now. I can't help but smirk as some of the warm feeling from that day come flooding back. I know it wasn't all happiness and light at the time. We were both upset and scared. But enough time has passed that those memories have mostly faded now.
"Uh-huh. In the middle of the Shanghai. In front of Miss Yuuko." Her expression a mix of embarrassment and amusement.
"Yeah... and she nearly dropped that whole tray of food." I roll my eyes, and she giggles as we remember the scene. "Hey, it wasn't my fault she was listening in!"
We stand there for a bit, neither saying a word, dwelling on old memories. Hanako grows restless again after a few minutes of silence. Something's on her mind, all right. "Could... could I ask your opinion on something?"
"Huh?" I reply, looking over at her. "Sure. If you think I can help."
"Well... Lilly doesn't know, but when I went to have my ears pierced, I think the people in the shop were afraid of me. It was so embarrassing, just sitting there waiting, watching all of them trying so hard to look busy. It was just like grade school all over again. I could see them staring at me. And one of them even whispered about 'that creepy girl'. I-I know my face scares people, but that really hurt. Not long ago I would have been embarrassed and just ran away. But this time I felt angry. They had a lot of nerve treating me that way. They don't know who I am, I'm just as good as any normal person! It wasn't fair!"
She's almost trembling with the intensity of her feelings. I know full well that nobody's ever run away in terror at the sight of her. That's her insecurity talking and we've had that argument before. That probably isn't what she's asking now, though, so I just play along.
"So what did you do?"
"W-Well, I finally stood up and asked to see the manager... and told her that I wanted my money back. A-And I said..." She takes a deep breath. "I've been waiting a long time to have my ears done. I really don't like how you've treated me. So I'm going to find a place that wants my business!"
"Whoa, really?!"
She's shaking a little now but smiling again, caught between pride at my compliment and the obvious discomfort that the memory is dredging up.
"So did it work?"
"Uh huh. The manager apologized, and did the piercing herself. And she gave me the earrings for free!" She giggles nervously.
"Oh, nice!"
She suddenly grows timid again, twisting a strand of hair around her finger. Something's still wrong, but I'm going to have to coax it out of her. "So what's bothering you?"
"Well... it's just... I know I should feel happy. B-But I can't help thinking I was rude to her. Maybe they really were busy and I was being a pest."
I shake my head. "I don't believe you were. Nobody should be treated like that. If they were really busy they would have said so. You did the right thing. I know being assertive isn't easy, I have trouble with it too. But sometimes you really have to call people out if they're taking advantage of you."
She listens to me quietly, nodding slowly, taking in each word. "I-It's so hard though."
"I know. Believe me, I do. It takes practice, but you've proved you can do it when it matters. Hell, I thought you getting your ears pierced was a big step. But this is even better. I'm so proud of you!"
She's absolutely beaming now as my words sink in. What a beautiful sight.
"But that's just my opinion. Are you going to talk to your doctor about this?"
"I-I will. When I see her next week. But... 'til then, I just needed someone to tell me I was right. Thank you."
I return her smile. Just call me Doctor Nakai, I think to myself. Hmm, maybe I should look into psychology. Get myself a TV show...
"Hisao? I-I really am sorry I yelled at you before," Hanako continues after a short silence. "I hope I didn't hurt your feelings."
I place my fingers under her chin and tilt her face up to gaze into mine, cutting her off mid sentence as gently as I can. "No, you didn't. I should be the one apologizing to you. Scaring you like that. I had no idea I was holding you back all this time."
She shakes her head emphatically. "Don't! I love running with you! A-And I don't mind holding back, if it helps keep you safe."
"Meanwhile I'll keep cheering you on because I want you to be happy, and strong. So see? We're even, right? Give and take? Isn't that what you do when you're in love?"
"OOF!" I get my answer with a powerful hug, nearly enough to squeeze the breath right out of me. Oh, so a sneak attack huh?
I counter by grabbing her around the waist, pulling her face to mine, and covering her mouth with a warm, hard kiss. She squeaks and squirms in my grasp, trying to pull away. "Someone's going to see!" she protests.
"No they're not. There isn't anyone around," I reply. She seems taken aback for a moment, but it seems a good enough answer because after a few seconds, I feel her arms tighten around my waist and her mouth is pressed once more against mine. For someone so shy, she sure can kiss.
It's just like every awful romance novel says. Time really does seem to stand still as we stand together under the trees.
Finally, we have to break apart so we can breathe.
"Happy anniversary, Hanako," I say quietly, catching my breath as I hold her just a little longer.
For once she doesn't blush, but meets my gaze. "H-Happy anniversary Hisao," she whispers tenderly. "I'm... I'm r-really glad we're together." I smile in acknowledgement, and a moment later, we finally part.
We stand there awhile longer, leaning against the tree, my shoulder against hers. Neither of us wanting to move as we bask in the blissful state our embrace has left us in. I'm totally relaxed now. Hanako straightens her top and glances around nervously as if fully expecting someone to pop out from behind a tree and yell "BOO!"
"What time is it?" I hate to break up our moment, but I suddenly realize we've been standing here a good while and the morning's passing us by. Hanako digs into a jacket pocket and fishes out her trusty old purple phone, the cheap little flower charm, some of the paint worn off now, still dangling from the strap.
"Oh... it's 7:28 already." She looks disappointed. "I... guess w-we'd better get back."
"Yeah. We still have to get you lubed up, and today would be a bad day to be late."
"Stop saying that!" She makes a face and punches me in the shoulder, which makes me laugh in surprise. She hates when I use that slightly rude term for her lotion. But really, it's about as accurate a description as any. The medicine is supposed to soften her scars. She's only been using it a short time but already her damaged skin is fading from an angry red to a healthier pink in places. It's good seeing her being playful, rather than offended by my words. I can't wait 'til tonight!
We spend the short jog back to the house going over plans for tonight. I'll be home around six, which will give me time to clean up, shave, and change into my suit. The cab is due at seven, for our eight o'clock reservation. After dinner, we'll spend some quiet time at home having cake and tea with Lilly and exchanging gifts. No doubt she'll break out a bottle of wine from her hidden stash. After that, who knows? Although, I have a sneaking suspicion we'll all be pretty useless tomorrow, which is why I asked for the day off. It's ironic really. The whole thing feels just like a birthday party. I guess it's the fact that Hanako is both giving as well as getting presents that makes it tolerable for her. But quite honestly, it doesn't seem like that big a difference to me. It's one of the aspects of her personality that I'm not sure I'll ever understand.
By the time we unlock the front door, the sun's high enough in the sky to start warming things up, and burning off the few wisps of morning fog. We're both sweaty now, and Hanako seems to have relaxed her vigil on me. Finally convinced that I'm going to survive I guess.
Inside, I mention that a cup of coffee, and maybe a quick breakfast of rice and some leftover fish would be good right about now, and that I'll be right up to help her with her lotion. Hanako nods, setting her running shoes by the door next to mine to dry and padding up the stairs to shower. That gives me time to get some hot water going and heat up two bowls of rice and fish. Hanako's always hungry after our runs.
Heading toward the kitchen, I'm brought up short by the sound of Lilly's gentle, feminine voice coming from there. What's she doing up at a quarter to eight in the morning? Lilly's a lot of things, but she's never been a morning person. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've even seen her awake at this hour since we graduated.
I don't really want to disturb her though, so I stop just outside the kitchen door. Hopefully she'll be finished in a minute.
"And Father approves? Oh that's wonderful... after you've worked so hard. I'm so happy for you!" She gives a little laugh. "Yes, I'll tell them."
Father? Oh, she must be talking to her mother. No wait, her voice is too casual. Lilly is always so formal when she talks to her parents. It must be Akira then! It's been about eight months since she left Japan, and Lilly's been keeping in regular contact. I'd always found Lilly's big sister to be kind of overwhelming. The way she'd blow into a room like a typhoon, only to vanish again without warning, leaving everyone breathless in her wake. But she's a good person despite her frenetic personality, and Hanako admires her. She'd handled the legalese in transferring the title of the house over to Lilly, and I'm convinced she had a hand in smoothing things over when Lilly told her father she was staying in Japan with her friends.
So I wonder how well she's adjusted to Scotland?
Things have been quiet for a few minutes now — the silence only broken by the sound of random chit-chat, so I know she's still on the phone. I suddenly feel really awkward. Why am I standing here eavesdropping on a private conversation? I don't need coffee that badly. I can just hit the Starbucks near work.
I start to turn toward the stairs when the sound of a ragged sob from the kitchen freezes me in place. Oh my God, is Lilly crying?
"I know... I'm sorry. I'm being stupid." She lets out a sniff, making an embarrassed laugh. "It's just, I'm so lonely. I miss you so much-" Her sentence is cut off by the sound of more sobs and sniffles.
That's as much as I can take. I backpedal toward the stairs, but I manage to catch my foot on the edge of the hall rug, trip, and bump noisily against the wall. Shit!
I hear a thud and the soft clunk of china, then the sound of a chair leg sliding on the floor. I've obviously startled Lilly to her feet. "H-Hello? Is someone there?" Her voice breaks.
Well goddammit, now I've done it. "It's just me," I call out, trying to sound casual. "Just got back from running."
"Oh... um... that's good. Do you need anything?"
"Nah, I'm okay," I reply weakly. She probably knows I'm lying too.
I almost turn and leave, but I feel like I need to say something. Anything. "Ummm... A-Are you okay?"
"I'm fine!" she replies too quickly, trying to fake cheerfulness. "I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd call Akira." She sounds about as convincing as I did. I hear her blow her nose.
"Please, you go ahead. Hanako's probably waiting, and you don't want to be late for work."
I take that as a sign that she doesn't want me here right now. As much as I want to go to her, letting me see her as vulnerable, with tear-stained face, and red eyes would only humiliate her more.
So I relent. "Yeah, I guess I better get going," I reply lamely. "Uh... See ya tonight?"
"Yes. Have a good day Hisao. *sniff* And happy anniversary."
I thank her, and gratefully retreat up the stairs.
I close the bedroom door behind me and peel off my sweaty shirt. From the bathroom comes the sound of Hanako brushing her teeth.
Taking a seat on the bed, I try to process what just happened. I can't help feeling that I'm partly to blame for this. Hanako and I are so wrapped up in our own happy little world, that we hardly include Lilly anymore. Sure we have dinner together. Tea sometimes. The three of us go out on Sunday nights, and I know she and Hanako shop and do chores together. But we don't seem as close as we all used to be. It's not like we go to her anymore with our problems, or just spend time talking or hang out much. When I'm not working, I tend to just veg out in front of the TV, or sit here in my room. Hanako practically lives on her computer.
But she's never given us any sign that she was unhappy. That's the problem. Knowing her, she's been holding it in because she doesn't want to get in our way. Which I can understand.
Hanako emerges from the bathroom a minute later, wrapped in a bath towel and rubbing her damp hair with another. She stops as she notices my disturbed expression and comes straight over to stand by me. I'll say this about her. She's sensitive, and has gotten very good at reading my moods.
"Is something wrong?" she asks tentatively, sitting on the bed beside me.
"Funny you should say that. Has Lilly ever mentioned being unhappy?"
She looks at me, her head tilted curiously to one side, frowning. "N-No."
I tell her what I just overheard downstairs, which seems to surprise and upset her a little as she brings her hand to her lips.
"I had no idea. Oh poor Lilly." She clutches the bath towel tightly to her breast.
"I guess it's to be expected she'd miss Akira," I continue. "She's the only real family she had in Japan."
Hanako nods. "Her parents moved away when she was twelve," she explains. "Lilly took care of the house while Akira worked and went to school. I always thought it was funny that Lilly was the mother to her big sister. It's why I never really complain when she treats me like a little girl. I think it's just her nature."
"I see." That explains a lot about their relationship. And why Lilly gets away with so much.
"So it's her nature to nurture?"
"Mmmmhmm. Something like that. A-And she spent years on the student council, helping her classmates. And now it's just us. Y-you think maybe she misses all thos epeople looking up to her? She was really popular in her class."
I nod. "I wouldn't be surprised. Shes been unhappy, and hiding it from us all this time."
"You and I spend most of our time together. It's like we don't need her anymore."
"But that's not true!" Hanako quickly objects.
"No argument here," I agree. "I think of both of you as my family."
"Do you think... it would be a good idea to talk to her?" she asks.
"Well, you probably shouldn't mention that I was listening in. But could you ask her about Akira? Maybe get her to talk about how she feels? You're her best friend after all. She's more likely to open up with you."
"I... think I could," she says a little apprehensively. "We have to go to the shop later. I need to make an anniversary cake."
I want to talk about this more, but it's getting dangerously late. I get Hanako to sit in the chair while I quickly rub the lotion across her back. Sadly I have to rush, so to my regret, it's not the sensual experience we usually enjoy.
I rush through my shower, dress, and quickly choke back my meds. Then a quick kiss and I'm off to my bus. Regrettably, the kitchen is deserted as I pass through and out the back door.
Tonight might be the big night together for Hanako and me, but afterwards we're going to have to have a serious talk with Lilly about our feelings for her, and about our future together.
I wonder if she'd have any interest in running?
--------------------------------------
Next time: The Conclusion.
! On a side note I was just trying to remember what fic had Hisao jump through hops to get that pic and now this reminded me