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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 12:10 pm
by newnar
Tomate wrote:
newnar wrote: Can't you explain to the prof or something? I mean, the police should be able to give you some official evidence that they kept you held up.

On another note, well I probably am not qualified enough to make any judgments considering how fucked up I am myself, but I just have to ask: why the 6 dates if you weren't even preparing to enter a serious relationship? I mean, like you said you wanted to focus on studies and stuff.
Practice mostly, its like playing a game like Baldurs Gate\Dragon Age: You are going to play a mage and you know that, but first you play a bit with a rogue or paladin to see what is all about. You will not finish the game with this character but you just want to see the gameplay a bit before you go to the real deal.
What people actually practice for this? On real live (other)people?

That's kinda....horrible

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 1:21 pm
by Tomate
newnar wrote:
Tomate wrote:
newnar wrote: Can't you explain to the prof or something? I mean, the police should be able to give you some official evidence that they kept you held up.

On another note, well I probably am not qualified enough to make any judgments considering how fucked up I am myself, but I just have to ask: why the 6 dates if you weren't even preparing to enter a serious relationship? I mean, like you said you wanted to focus on studies and stuff.
Practice mostly, its like playing a game like Baldurs Gate\Dragon Age: You are going to play a mage and you know that, but first you play a bit with a rogue or paladin to see what is all about. You will not finish the game with this character but you just want to see the gameplay a bit before you go to the real deal.
What people actually practice for this? On real live (other)people?

That's kinda....horrible
Doing it with real dead people would be way worse.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 1:46 pm
by Beoran
newnar wrote: On another note, well I probably am not qualified enough to make any judgments considering how fucked up I am myself, but I just have to ask: why the 6 dates if you weren't even preparing to enter a serious relationship? I mean, like you said you wanted to focus on studies and stuff.
I'm wildly assuming since Myshina had a bad experience before, she's probably taking it's slowly to thoroughly evaluate the relationship. I think this is fine, everyone has to decide how quickly or how slowly they want things to go, as long as they're honest about it with their partner. Some people get married after 15 dates, some after 150, and some after 1500. And nowadays what with the internet it's easy to stay in touch and to get to know each other without actually having to date. So I'd say, to each their own pace in love. Of course this is best synchronized with you partner's pace, which is probably a problem in this particular case...

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:09 pm
by Myshina
Hey guys~!

Thanks so much for the amazing support and responses~!

I set a date with Williams (Mr.Condom-In-Jacket) this morning, and I went to meet him and discuss things at a deeper level; that way, he'll understand why I really turned him down. Anyways, so we went there, talked for some minutes with some beating around the bush since no one of us wanted to discuss why we were originally meeting.

He told me he was sorry for what happened, and that he did that just because he was drunk; I accpeted his apolody since he looked sincere. I explained to him that the reason I rejected him was because I wanted to take things slow, and that I really didn't know much about him or rather I didn't know him well; also, there was the fact I don't really feel anything special toward him.

That's when the transformation happened.

He kept talking calmly but his words and tone were more forceful and sharp. He wanted to convince me marrying him was the right thing to do rather forcefully. I refused, ended the conversation there and told him that if he kept the attitude, he should throw his dreams of a second chance away.

I headed home then walking to get some fresh air.

BIG FUCKING SURPRISE: He's waiting in front of my door.

I entered the house and locked the door, not talking to him and went on with my usual business.

THREE HOURS LATER: He's still waiting in front of the fuckin' door. So I called the police, who didn't want to arrest him because they had no evidence. And they told me as long as he's not breaking into your house, he's not breaking any rules.

That was one hour ago, and I'm pretty damn sure he's still waiting. x( Not cool, not cool at all.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:10 pm
by Camoufrage
@gragon
I know for a fact I couldn't get away with a crew cut if my life depended on it, ESPECIALLY if I cut it myself. Hope you didn't screw up! :P

Myshina, FUCK HIM. Just leave him, he's coocoo for coco-puffs

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:11 pm
by Nyzer
why the 6 dates if you weren't even preparing to enter a serious relationship? I mean, like you said you wanted to focus on studies and stuff.
I don't see how going out on six dates without getting too in-depth or ever sleeping together (at least, I assume that never happened, what with the talk of Condom-In-Jacket) could send a mixed signal that the relationship is serious.

You can build the foundations for a serious relationship before getting into one.
Practice mostly, its like playing a game like Baldurs Gate\Dragon Age: You are going to play a mage and you know that, but first you play a bit with a rogue or paladin to see what is all about. You will not finish the game with this character but you just want to see the gameplay a bit before you go to the real deal.
Sorry, but someone who "practices" on other people's hearts like that deserves to be shot. You shouldn't be entering a romantic relationship hoping that it will end before you get bored. Seriously, what the fuck is that. Nor should you be treating it like you expect it to end by a fixed time. For those people able to separate sexual and romantic desire, entering a friends-with-benefits relationship and not expecting it to go anywhere would be one thing (if the other person is aware of what it is), but that... no, just no.


Myshina, he does seriously sound like he's got a few screws loose. It's one thing for infatuation, it's one thing to be at an early stage of a relationship and hoping that it'll eventually result in marriage (and my own opinion is that if you know enough about the other person and you find them interesting enough to enter a relationship with, that you should be hoping for the best result, even if it turns out not to happen)... it's another to pop the question that early on. How could you possibly know enough about someone at that early stage to do that? People are so ridiculously complex that there's no way the person you're proposing to is going to be who and what you seem to think they are.
It's a high level of desperation... That's my opinion, anyway. Real life proposals don't happen at the same rate they do in Skyrim or The Sims.


Whoa! Your post just happened. Give me a sec to read and think and I'll edit this post to reflect that.

---

First off, they seriously can't arrest him for trespassing on your property and/or harassment? Because I'd be worried about him being enough of a psycho to break in at night. Failing that you can just claim he's trying to get the door open now and it should be sufficient.

And, yeah, I was right to assume that he's got some issues. For him to become so forceful while sober? Needs a shrink, fast.

I will ask if you've tried telling him, forcefully, that he needs to leave. Now. If not, then before you do, get a friend to come over. Considering the psychology of the situation, a male friend or relative would be best. (It would probably aggravate him more than if the friend were female, but the guy seriously seems unstable, so that would probably be safer than having a woman over.)

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:12 pm
by Oddball
newnar wrote:
Tomate wrote:
newnar wrote: Can't you explain to the prof or something? I mean, the police should be able to give you some official evidence that they kept you held up.

On another note, well I probably am not qualified enough to make any judgments considering how fucked up I am myself, but I just have to ask: why the 6 dates if you weren't even preparing to enter a serious relationship? I mean, like you said you wanted to focus on studies and stuff.
Practice mostly, its like playing a game like Baldurs Gate\Dragon Age: You are going to play a mage and you know that, but first you play a bit with a rogue or paladin to see what is all about. You will not finish the game with this character but you just want to see the gameplay a bit before you go to the real deal.
What people actually practice for this? On real live (other)people?

That's kinda....horrible
That's probably not how I would have put it, but sometimes people date just for the sake of dating and seeing what it's like. Not everyone goes into these things looking for a serious relationship. Some people just want something to do and somebody to hang arouhnd so they don't feel as lonely, or shut in, or whatever.

Often times people get into relationships not really knowing the other person, but thinking they want to. Sometimes they don't like what they find. Sometimes the person isn't as nice and kind or interesign as they had expected.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:15 pm
by Nyzer
That's probably not how I would have put it, but sometimes people date just for the sake of dating and seeing what it's like. Not everyone goes into these things looking for a serious relationship. Some people just want something to do and somebody to hang arouhnd so they don't feel as lonely, or shut in, or whatever.
We call that either "friendship" or "a sexual relationship".

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:17 pm
by Myshina
The police said that the only way I could get a restraining order is if he was following me for more than 24Hours.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:17 pm
by Oddball
Nyzer wrote:
That's probably not how I would have put it, but sometimes people date just for the sake of dating and seeing what it's like. Not everyone goes into these things looking for a serious relationship. Some people just want something to do and somebody to hang arouhnd so they don't feel as lonely, or shut in, or whatever.
We call that either "friendship" or "a sexual relationship".
Who is this "we"? Is this one of those British royalty things?


... You're not secretly Venom are you?

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:21 pm
by Nyzer
The police said that the only way I could get a restraining order is if he was following me for more than 24Hours.
I would say that it's probably too early for that, sure, but not to have other action taken. (I did make a second edit to my post, if you've yet to see it.)
Who is this "we"? Is this one of those British royalty things? ... You're not secretly Venom are you?
It's a mystery, yes, and yes.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:25 pm
by Helbereth
@Myshina
Camoufrage wrote:Just leave him, he's coocoo
This.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:38 pm
by Myshina
Helbereth wrote:@Myshina
Camoufrage wrote:Just leave him, he's coocoo
This.
I already did. He's the one who won't.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:45 pm
by Nyzer
I suppose I will add that it's uncertain how he'll react in the future. As I said, he seems unstable, but I don't know if that's a normal thing or if he's snapped under some sort of pressure he's undergoing right now. He may "sober up" further and leave forever in shame, which is unfortunately the best outcome at this point. It's less likely that he may do something else, but ... well, I suppose it's still possible.

For now, the best thing to do is to establish your own boundaries and safety, for the moment. If you really can't get the police to make a move for this (what the hell, French law?) then a show of unity and strength from some friends or relatives, chasing him off, might be the next best thing. And see if you can't get someone to stay the night.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:54 pm
by Myshina
My family is in Russia; friends are the next best option.

I already called a friend of mine who has agreed to stay with me. We'll see how this night will turn out. Hopefully in a good way.