Haruhiko Suzumiya and the Great Ibarazaki Christmas Mystery!
What’s Emi planning? Our first plan failed, and now she’s hosting another meeting the very next day, but this time there’ll be ‘a couple more’ people to help out? I thought she wanted to keep the group small and discreet, which is why it was only Hisao, her, and I the first time around.
Well, in any case I better pick up my pace since I’m already late. Ehhhh, Emi will just have to deal with it.
I am curious as to what she’s planning this time around though. We’re lucky Nurse didn’t catch on to what we were doing the first time and escaped with only empty hands.
That being said, I doubt we’ll get more than a second chance, so it better be good.
Ultimately I think we could probably just ask Nurse and be done with it, but this is Emi’s secret to unravel so I’ll play along. She was so secretive over what it was the first time around that I’m not even exactly sure what ‘it’ is that we’re trying to discover.
It’s a nice distraction and break from the usual slog of meetings with Shizune, planning club activities, and school work that usually take up the bulk of my day though, so I’m fine with that.
Then again the only one I have to blame for all that busywork is myself. It’s what I signed up for when I became track captain after all. At least now I can get away from the stress and riff-raff and just have some fun.
Oh hey, look, I’m here.
I glance around the halls to make sure no one followed me since Emi’s invitation specifically called out discretion and that this would involve a ‘personal matter.’ Looks like I’m good to go.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“You’re finally here!” Emi swings the classroom door open.
“Yeah, I-”
Ryuunosuke barely starts a response before Emi practically pulls him through the door. Poor guy. For being the track captain, he’s such a push-over. Couldn’t be me.
“Hurry up and get inside! You-” the door slams shut, but I can still make out Emi’s voice, “-were the last one we were waiting on!”
Ah, good. I was worried for a moment that I may have still ended up getting here too early. That would’ve been lame. The perfect moment should be in just about-
Yeaaaah, no. Screw that. I’m heading in. I’m more of a “feel it out” type of guy anyway.
As I reach the door I hear the new kid asking some sort of question. Waste not a second! I slam the door open. “Alright! Now we can really get this thing started!”
Looks like there’s six of us here including me. Not bad for a detective crew. But it’s also a weird number. Too small to consider it a full team, but much too large for a classic detective duo. Why’s it called duo anyways when it can be three or sometimes four people? Eh. Mystery for later.
The open seat between Lilly and Ryuunosuke will work. Emi’s standing at the head of the tables, rearranged into a shape much more fitting for a meeting. She looks at me in shock.
I push past Emi. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna steal your spotlight or anything. I respect that this is your meeting, but I did just make it eight times better!”
“What are you doing here, Haruhiko?” Emi crosses her arms.
“Isn’t it obvious?” I grab one of the chairs pushed off to the side and pull it up to the table. I should probably give Lilly a bit more space. “I’m here for the mystery and investigation.”
Ryuu needs to make some space. He’s too slow, so I shove him and the chair over enough to make room. “Woah- hey!” He wiggles annoyingly as I move him.
After there’s space, I sit down and face Emi. Damn, for heading this meeting she’s not doing a whole lot of leading. “So, what’s the plan?”
Ryuunosuke grabs my collar with his one good arm. Not that he even has a ‘bad’ one – or wait, wouldn’t that be both his good and bad arm? “What’s the big idea man?” He growls.
“Dude, you’re disrupting the meeting.” I try to slap his hand off but his grip only tightens. Now he’s trying to act like a leader? Weird. Especially since this is Emi’s meeting.
Then he registers what I said and falters. “Me? Wha-”
“Yes you. You’re making a scene.”
“I’m making a scene? Hah! Look who’s speaking. Besides, who even invited you?”
“That mattered? Who decided that? That’s stupid.” This isn’t a club room. This isn’t even a club meeting since half the people here aren’t in the same club as Emi, The Captain, and I. Had they done either of those things I’d have knocked before bursting through the door.
Emi puts a hand on his far side. “Don’t worry about it Ryuu, it’s no big deal.”
The annoyance in his eyes fades into a dumbstruck gaze. “I thought you said this was a ‘personal matter’ and that it was a private meeting.”
“That was mostly because I didn’t want every kid in school involved. Not lying though! This is kinda personal.”
“So are we throwing this guy out on his ass or not?”
“He’s fine.” She glances towards me as if I was some annoying bug, intruding in the room. “Probably.” Rude.
Ryuunosuke looks back at me for a moment and shakes his head, then lowers his hand. “Fine. How’d you even find out about it anyways.” Hmm, he seems more assertive nowadays; I like it on him.
He turns to Lezard and stares accusingly. Lezard raises his hands, “Woah! Wasn’t me, man. Yeah it’d be a little funny, but I got standards.”
His girlfriend gives him an incredulous… look? Huh, guess it does still work. Gotta thank that guy from 3-2 for the advice. She’s not literally looking at him, but she still is. Makes sense.
Lezard backs away from her too, “What? It would be kinda funny though!”
Lilly raises her eyebrows and sighs, “It would still be rather rude considering we didn’t know to what level of privacy Emi was hoping for.”
“Well yeah, that’s why I didn’t do it.” I’m actually surprised Lezard didn’t tell me. Last year he definitely would’ve, though last year Emi wouldn’t have invited him.
But if this meeting’s ever going to get started we need to move on. “I overheard you guys blabbing about it yesterday in class.”
The new kid finally joins the conversation, “You were definitely asleep. You could’ve even given Suzu a run for her money.”
“I wasn’t.”
“We called out to you. Twice even.”
“Heard it; ignored it. Wouldn't be very good at acting like I was asleep if I talked back, now would I?”
“He’s got a point.” Lezard points out helpfully, but Lilly glares somethin fierce ‘at’ him. “Ahaha-what I mean to say is… why even act like you’re asleep in the first place?”
Isn’t that obvious? I sigh, then say, “Clearly because the most interesting things happen around the person that sleeps in class while they’re supposedly oblivious!”
New kid joins back in with the first smart thing I’ve heard him say since he got here, “So you were basically trying to ‘trick the… cosmic… system’ into making something interesting happen while letting you still observe it?”
“Exactly! New kid’s on it. The rest of you need to catch up.”
“Name’s Hisao, by the way. Not exactly new around here anymore.”
“Anyone transfer here since you?”
“Well, no, but-”
“So you’re still the new kid, new kid.”
‘Hisao’ rubs his forehead and turns back to Emi. “So, what kinda thing are we here for anyways?”
She eyes me suspiciously for just a bit too long, then rushes to the closet to drag a whiteboard out. “So,” Emi uncaps the red marker and tries to write something, but it’s dried up. She tosses it and grabs a blue one. After a quick test, she writes ‘Nurse’ on the board and circles it.
“So,” she repeats, a little more annoyed, “Shi- I mean Nurse has been acting suspicious these past few months and I aim to get to the bottom of it! And you all are going to help me.” She also grabs her bag and produces an image from it. It’s Nurse. She sticks it onto the board underneath her writing. Respect the attention to good visuals.
“Ah, so that’s what this is about.” Hisao seems to be in the know already. Girlfriend privileges, likely.
Lezard sits up and rubs his chin. “Now that you mention it, I have noticed that he seems more distracted nowadays. Like, he’s looking at his phone more often and stuff.”
“Not just that,” Hisao stretches like he’s preparing for some grand expansion. It better be, considering how big a deal everyone seems to be making of it. “He leaves earlier than he used to – or rather, he leaves on time more often. Plus he doesn’t seem to be taking many extra shifts. He also seems happier than normal. Almost like he’s glowing. Then, as you noticed Lezard, he daydreams and gets distracted much more often now. The final new behavior is that he’s even more secretive about his personal life than before.”
I yawn. “So the guys’ in a good mood and finally got sick of hearing himself talk about his boring life. Big whoop.”
“Oh, who’s being slow now?” Emi smirks. “But I guess you’d be used to that, huh?”
“Woah, woah, woah now. I’d be the one on top if you weren’t such a freak of nature.” Did we come here to get some dirt on Nurse or argue? I’m starting to think it’s the latter.
“Maybe in the 100 meter. But Ryuu’s still safely above you in the 400 and middle distance, Miki’s got you beat in hurdles and long distance, the 200’s a complete toss-up between so many of you, and-”
“Sheesh, I get it coach. Back to the point already.” Damn, I didn’t come all the way here just to get ganged up on.
“The point,” Emi uncaps the marker and scribbles the previously listed ‘oddities’ out on the board, “is that these are all tell-tale signs of something very specific…” She circles each item and connects it to a blank circle. Afterwards she glances around the room and says, “Any guesses as to what?”
Lilly’s the first to respond. “Perhaps he got news of a nice raise in the near future. I hear Yamaku tends to revise their contracts and other such obligations around now.”
Boooring.
“Good guess, but it doesn’t explain the secrecy and I think normally he’d be taking more shifts if he was promised a raise, not less.”
Ryuu chimes in next. “Maybe a good job offer then. He takes less shifts so he can take training courses and doesn’t talk about it to anyone because he’s deciding to let us know when he’s ready.”
Lame.
“I’m sure he’d be happy to move up if that was his goal, but if it meant leaving the school behind…” Emi looks out the window for a moment and smiles, “…Well, Nurse loves this place. He’d be more bittersweet than outright cheery if that were the case. Besides, I think he’s happy with where he's at in his career.”
Emi scans the rooms expectantly again. Isn’t the rule something like, ‘two guesses and then reveal the answer,’ or something like that? That has to be a rule.
She looks at Lezard and gets a helpful shrug in return. Wait, is she avoiding making eye contact with me? Rude! I mean, I don’t really have a guess either on account of this being a bit more boring than I had hoped for – but still, rude!
“Well,” Hisao sits up and stretches,” Those were pretty much my first two guesses as well. My third one was that maybe he was just happy with how all of the students have been doing recently-” yep, that’s just as interesting an answer to the question as you are a person “-but that was wrong too. At least, Emi thinks so. She has a much more interesting theory.” She’d better.
Hisao turns to Emi and gestures for her to take over. Emi smirks. “It’s really simple actually. Boys are pretty easy to read and Nurse is no different. There’s only one thing that makes them as giddy as he is right now.”
One thing, huh? What could… wait. Wait, wait, wait! She can’t mean- “Nurse has a girlfriend!?” Lilly flinches when I suddenly sit up and slap the desk, but dammit this actually just might be worth my time!
Emi snaps her fingers and points at me, “Bingo!”
“And since you brought all of us out to help you – and, and because it’s the only way this whole thing will be worth my time – you must think it’s someone we know!” Damn, I’m actually getting a little excited.
“Something like that.” There’s some chatter amongst the others as interest rightly peaks at this reveal, then Emi draws us back in, “I obviously have my own suspicions, but that’s what we’re here to find out!”
She takes to the board again and writes in big bold letters ‘GIRLFRIEND?’ and circles it, then connects it to Nurse. Next she draws a line from it and makes another circle, ‘Suspects.’ “So, next I want to hear who everyone thinks it could be!”
First one she lists is ‘Emi’s secret guess.’ What happens if one of us guess the same person? Meanwhile everyone starts to converse more freely. Lezard’s first guess is someone amongst the staff, like Ms. Miyagi or someone in the nursing staff, but Emi quickly shoots down the latter idea seeing as he’s technically their boss – or rather in a position of power over them – so it’d be unlikely. I mean, I guess, but it’d be much more fun if there was a scandal afoot! Still, Ms. Miyagi and Ms. Imai are the only two that end up on the list.
Ryuu jokes that it could be a student and Emi plays along adding ‘student!?’ to the list. She also scribbles down a couple names including Hisao, despite his protests. Again, it’d be more interesting if it were true but Ryuu’s actual answer is one of the security personnel that Nurse talks to frequently: ‘Ms. Kanemaru.’
Lilly comes in with an interesting idea. “Could it be someone’s parent?” Now that’s an interesting idea! The man acts like he’s some sort of Casanova after all so it could be any number of parents and depending on the answer it could lead to some spicy implications.
Emi raises an eyebrow then quickly turns to the whiteboard. “Student’s parent.” She says out loud while writing and circles it. Then she notices she wrote an extra ‘s’ at the end and goes to erase it, but chuckles to herself and leaves it. “Got any ideas?” She asks Lilly.
“I’d imagine it’s someone with similar interests as him and who doesn’t have a partner of their own, though admittedly I’m not familiar with the families of many others here so I don’t really have a good guess. Perhaps someone else does?”
I wrack my brain for ideas. I’ve been trying to let the others do the speaking, but screw it. “The albino girl’s mother is a doctor, right? Seen her around a few times and never with a guy.”
Emi adds and says, “Rika’s Mom.”
“But we shouldn’t write-off married couples either! Some people are into that type of thing. If Taro’s mom is anything like him-”
“I’m gonna stop you right there.” Hisao interrupts. Is he the type to actually have a spine when it comes to others, but not for himself? Bleh. Still, I should try to find out one of these times. Didn’t seem like an outspoken guy when he got to class, but I guess he did end up with Emi.
‘I’m just saying, we shouldn’t rule it out.” I shrug.
Hisao rolls his eyes, “and being obnoxious about it.”
“Just calling it like I sees it man. Hey, what if Hisao’s mom? Add that to the list!”
Emi crosses her arms. “I’m not adding that.”
“Why not?”
“First off,” Hisao cuts in, “my parents live halfway across the country and have only ever talked to Nurse over the phone. Second, I think my Dad’s the one that’s been doing most of the talking with the staff. Third, they’re happily married.”
“Never underestimate your parents! You never really know, you know?”
“Haruhiko, we’re not adding my mom to the list.”
“Eh, if it turns out to be the answer don’t come crying to me.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Okay, so Hisao actually can stand his ground. Good for him. Makes him just a little less boring. But just a little.
Lezard rubs his chin making an audible scratch. Did he stop shaving? “Well, speaking of mothers-”
Lilly cuts him off. “I swear, if you make a ‘your mother’ joke just because Haruhiko did…”
“Sweetheart, darling, dear, love of my life-” Lezard tries to play it up, but it clearly doesn’t impress Lilly. “-I-I would not sully my good name with such a low bar joke! Surely you trust in that?” Hah! It used to be his go to.
And hey, wait a moment. “I wasn’t joking. Hisao’s mother is a legitimate candidate.”
Hisao snaps, “Drop it Haruhiko, or I swear to the gods I’ll get Miki involved.”
“Damn, man! Okay, okay, I’ll leave it be. No need to go nuclear.” He must’ve got an in on me from Emi. Shit! He’s even sharing a knowing glance with her. Uncool, Emi. Let the man start playing the field on his own before giving him the cheat codes.
Lezard clears his throat and straightens an invisible tie. “I was just going to suggest someone I think everyone’s seen talking to Nurse on more than one occasion. At least, if they’ve paid any attention.”
“Oh, and who might that be?” Lilly’s tone has softened. Is it really that easy to earn her forgiveness?
“Well, uh, Emi’s mother.”
No one says a word for a moment, instead sharing curious glances with the others; wondering who’s going to react first. Instead Emi casually shrugs and silently adds ‘Emi’s Mom’ to the board.
After a little more discussion a few others are added with varying levels of skepticism: 3-1’s class rep’s mother is apparently single and on friendly terms with Nurse, though she’s been reportedly seen with someone else; Mutou is tossed out though mostly as a joke, but people have seen the two hanging out a bit more often as of late; a couple teachers from the lower level classes are mentioned but only two end up on the board and I don’t know either of them; and finally they add one of the therapist’s names for good measure.
Shout-out to Sharp-O for helping me put this together!
When she thinks the list feels expansive enough, Emi recaps the marker and turns back to us. “So, next up is how we’re going to find out who the mystery woman, or man, is – and I already have a plan!”
There’s an almost physical relief that sweeps across the room as everyone realizes Emi’s not gonna ask for more suggestions. While they’re getting comfortable, Emi pulls a couple more sheets out from her bag and pins them to the board. From a distance they look like crude battle plans and the messy scribbling makes it no easier to decipher.
Luckily the translator is here. “Here’s what I was thinking…”
Emi’s plan basically boils down to four rather simple steps.
One – Group A, consisting of Emi, Hisao, and Lilly, go to Nurse and asks to use his phone since they all either forgot theirs or it died and they need to make a call.
Two – Group B, consisting of Ryuu, Lezard, and me, wait until they have the phone in hand to immediately swoop in and draw him away for a couple minutes. Chalk it up to a minor emergency like a cramp and ‘over-react’ to it.
Three – while Nurse is away, Group A snoops through his contacts to see if there’s any obvious girlfriend in the contacts, look for a pet name like ‘babe’ or ‘love’ or something like that, steal the number onto one of their phones, and figure out who it belongs to afterwards. If there are none, they scan for any suspects listed earlier and skim their message history to see if they’ve talked about going on dates or something to that effect.
Four – have Lilly call her older sister and fake some sort of conversation as a cover for when Nurse gets back.
“And that’s basically it!” She even planned out when and where we’d pull of this stunt. Catch Nurse on his way out to lunch so he’s least expecting it and mapped out some diagrams for how it’d look. “Any questions?”
“Yes.” Ryuu raises his hand. “What if Nurse is quick to dismiss the fake emergency and comes back before you get a chance to dig anything up? You know, like the first time we tried this.” They’ve tried this before? And failed, by the sounds of it.
“You’ll just have to make sure it keeps him distracted long enough! Plus, that’s why you’re bringing him so far away this time. You run there, he runs with you, and afterwards he’ll need to walk back because it’s uphill and easier!” So if I’m hearing this correctly, Emi’s grand plan is basically what her failed ‘Plan A’ was, just a bit fancied up to better fit more people and not make the exact same mistakes again.
Lezard raises his hand next. “What if he decides to take his phone with him? If Ryuunosuke’s claiming it’s an emergency, won’t he want that with him just in case he needs to call someone?”
Emi waves it off. “He carries two phones. His personal phone and a work phone.”
“And if he gives you his work phone?”
“I’ll make sure he doesn’t.” Emi shrugs. Ryuu moves to press the issue and Emi cuts him off before he can even begin. “Look, I can handle Nurse. Worst case scenario he sniffs us out and I ask him directly! I just thought this would be fun.”
“Fun? Maybe…” I stand up and quickly take my place next to the board, turning it over to the backside. I can’t take this anymore; these guys are on the edge of something possibly fantastic and they’re gonna squander it like this? Nah. That’d be too lame. “… But I’ve got a plan a thousand times better…” I’ll even throw Emi a bone and keep the skeleton of her plan intact. I’m just going to make sure it’s worth everyone’s time – especially mine.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“So we went along with Haruhiko’s plan because…?” I lament as I give myself a once-over in the mirror. I mean, I know why. I was there for it – obviously – and I even agreed to it in the end, but I’m really, really starting to wish I hadn’t.
“Gotta admit, the man’s got good taste.” Hisao coos. I look at him through the mirror, and he’s looking at my ass. I spin around and use the force to slam him in the side with the comically large carrot plush that Haruhiko so generously gifted with the outfit. “Ow!”
“Pervert.”
He latches onto the pillow and pulls it towards him with considerable force. Refusing to let go, I end up right in his grasp.
“Gotcha.” Hisao smirks. I stick my tongue at him and, after stealing a quick kiss, he releases me. “But seriously, you look good.”
I cross my arms. “Course I do! That’s not the issue here, Hisao. The latex is uncomfortable, I feel exposed, I think the spandex is a bit too thin, the buttons on the suit don’t work, it’s going to be cold, and worst of all, this outfit is just way too cheesy.”
“Hmm, I think that’d work if you were a mouse. Perhaps ‘carrot-ty’ would be more fitting?”
Not helpful, Hisao. I cross my arms and give him an unimpressed pout.
“Yeah, that one was bad.” He shrugs off my glare and I turn back to the mirror. Well, if there’s one thing it does right is it extenuates all the right places.
“Besides,” Hisao wraps his arms around my shoulders and meets my eyes in the mirror, “I don’t think comfort is the goal, it’s clearly designed to be exposing, the spandex isn’t that thin, the buttons are meant to be decoration, probably, I’ll lend you my jacket and sweatpants for when you’re waiting around, and-” he kisses my cheek then whispers, “-I think it looks sexy.”
I turn to look him in the eyes. Damn, I want to kiss him so badly but that’d basically be letting him get away with winning. “It’s also not very Christmas-y. Wasn’t that like, half the hook?”
“We can strap a mistletoe on one of your ears.”
“You’re impossible.”
“I know!” He smiles widely, “But you were the one that picked me!”
I shake Hisao off of me and go back to looking myself over. I am not having a wardrobe malfunction on top of this already ridiculous outfit.
If it were quite literally any other guy on the planet I’d find it very, very weird that he had multiple bunny-girl outfits in a whole slough of different sizes on hand. Buuuut this is Haruhiko we’re talking about. Still, when he said he ‘had something just for this occasion,’ I thought he meant like a few different suits and ties that were unisex – not this.
“I get that we’re playing into the whole ‘magician show’ act and all, but couldn’t he have picked something less… objectifying?” I sigh. It’s all in place, and that’s pretty much all the stalling I can do.
Hisao laughs, “You’re the one that told me we shouldn’t try arguing with him. And I’ll say it again, you agreed to it.” Of course I agreed to his plan; it’s basically a better version of mine in every way and since that already failed once I couldn’t say no to the only other good idea anyone had.
“Hmph. I know I did.” I lower my voice, “It’s a good plan after all.”
“What was that?”
Apparently not enough. “Nothing.”
“No, no – it was definitely something. Care to elaborate?”
“You are really testing your luck today, aren’t you?”
“Every day since my heart attack.”
I turn to face Hisao and put my hands on my hips. “And how’s it faring?”
Hisao raises a hand to his chin and his eyes go up and down my body. Then he nods to himself with a grin and says, “I’d say it balances out.”
Fine. He earns himself a quick kiss. It’s a nice bonus that he moved on too!
Buuuut I better ensure his mind doesn’t drift back. He’s been winning a few too many battles of wits lately and I will not stand for it! “Now come on! We’re already late and I can’t wait to see how Lilly looks in one of these!”
Hisao stretches and hands me a spare jacket and pair of sweatpants from his closet. “Alright, let’s go.” I take them from his hands and he chuckles to himself.
“What?”
“Nothing, nothing – it’s just… I still can’t believe Lezard actually convinced Lilly to wear the costume.”
“I know right! How’d he manage that anyways?”
Hisao shrugs. “Beats me. Though I think I did hear Haruhiko helping him scheme some sort of pitch for Shizune before school ended yesterday.”
“That would be how then.”
“You think they managed to convince her?”
“All they’d have to say to convince the prez is ‘hey, want to help us put Lilly in an embarrassing position?’ and she’d work extra overtime to help.”
“Huh…” Hisao rubs his chin. “… no, you’re right. Lilly was certain that there’d be no way the school would approve something like this. If Shizune pulled some strings and got it stamped off then there’s no excuse left for her anymore.”
“And I’d bet Shizune convinced them by using some sort of body positive angle thing.”
“Well, whatever she did got the a-okay and even managed to get a couple posters printed and posted – all in under a day.”
“Really? I must’ve missed them.”
“Yeah. Saw one on the board near the cafeteria and a few others dotted about.”
“Well, at least not too many people will see them before the main event.” They’ve only been posted for half a school day then, right? Who even looks at those things? The clothes still hanging over my arm catch my eye. “Ahh! We’re supposed to be leaving!”
“Right, right. Let’s go.” Hisao puts his shoes on while I slip into the clothing. It’s not the first time I’ll be leaving the boys dorm in Hisao’s clothes – and not the last either – but the bunny ears are definitely new.
Though if there’s posters that'll mean at least a couple students will probably show up.
Just have to keep reminding myself that Lilly will be there too. “I’m getting kinda excited!”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The fabric scrapes against Emi’s skin and the buzz of the crowd is muffled again. Emi starts, “Well…” She pauses and takes a couple steps back towards us. “It’s not completely full… yet.”
I can’t help but sigh. Is there no way I can get myself out of this situation? No, probably not. Participating in this event, embarrassing as it is, is still better than going back on my word.
A familiar warm hand plants itself on my shoulder – Lezard. “You’re gonna be fine, love. This sort of thing is really common.”
I can practically hear him giggling under his breath. I turn towards his voice, “I understand I come from a privileged background, but I still can’t believe outfits like this are acceptable in any way at any school. I feel like I’m practically nude!”
“Trust me, that’s far from true and all the better for it!” This time I can hear Lezard smiling. I’m not. “Only kidding! You look fine, try to have fun!”
Ugh. I collapse onto the ground to hug my legs to get Lezard off me for a moment. “I don’t feel fine.”
I hear Lezard shift and then him crouching in front of me. “Seriously, you look amazing! Think of it like you’re in a play.”
“And what’s my role? Sexy eye-candy side-piece number two?”
“Definitely number one.”
Emi cuts in, “Hey!”
“What? I’ve got my… preferences.” I dread to think of whatever type of face he’s making right now.
Emi huffs. “Lilly, do I have permission to beat your boyfriend to death with this absurdly large carrot plush?”
“Permission granted.” He’s the one that talked me into this gambit then played dirty, getting my cousin involved. I’d call it karmic justice.
“Woah now!” Lezard quickly scrambles behind me, using me as a shield. How charming. “I’ll get Hisao involved!”
Emi laughs, “He’d be on my side. Now get out here and face your death like a man!”
“Not happening, I’ve got ambitions and you wouldn’t take Lilly down with me!”
I lift my head in the direction Emi footsteps were last at, “Do it. I’ll be free from this purgatory as well then.”
“Awww! Then I’d be alone and I definitely can’t have that!”
Lezard lifts his arm and shoots it past the right side of my head. “Aha! See?” I have to surpass the urge to bite his arm. It would be so easy to as well. Maybe later…
A phone buzzes in Emi’s direction. After a moment of jostling, she says, “That’s my queue. Better get going!” Her footsteps quickly head out and around to the back entrance. “You got off lucky this time, Lezard! This time.”
I turn my head and call out, “I’ll see to it that he gets his due punishment.”
“Yes please.” Lezard coos. A breeze goes over me, followed by a soft thud. “Oomph!” Damn, she missed me.
“Gotcha!” Emi teases as a door opens near her, then quickly shuts before Lezard can respond.
He makes a few dissatisfied grunting noises before dropping what’s probably the plush on the ground. Then his footsteps head towards the stage. Cloth moves and the sound of the idle crowd picks back up again. It’s already much louder than earlier.
Lezard whistles. “That’s uh… Haruhiko and the prez sure know how to draw in a crowd.”
I’m gonna be sick.
The cloth moves again and even muffled I can hear the sheer intensity of the student body out there. Is it the whole student body? It can’t be. Can it? The sound grows louder and echoes off of every corner of my brain, amplifying the volume with each bounce, dulling any other thought in my head.
“Woah there!” Lezard wraps an arm behind my back. “You doing okay there, darling?”
It’s only then that I realize I’ve nearly fallen onto my side. It seems like I was crouched down for a little too long. “I’m… okay. Just lost my balance there for a moment.”
“Seriously, Lilly, give me the word and I’ll call this off. At least your part in it. I know I joked about it earlier, but you don’t have to do this.” His voice is calm and measured. It’s not often he uses that tone. It’s rather comforting.
But it’s what he’s saying that’s the problem. I slowly stand myself up, with his support, and straighten any of the wrinkles in the clothing I can feel. “I do have to do this, Lezard. For my own sake. I refuse to go back on my word and doing so now would betray at least two promises I’ve made.”
“There’s being open to having more casual fun, and then there’s this. That-” He pauses. “-out there, I mean. It’s something else entirely.”
“You’re doing a terrible job selling my participation in this event.”
“I mean it.” He moves closer and takes my hands in his. “No one would blame you for taking a step back. I saw your cousin out there, and even she looked surprised by how many people had shown up.”
“Shizune? Surprised? Now that’s definitely a rarity.” I’m trying to gently work him off the topic of giving me an out.
It doesn’t work. “Point is: it’s fine to take this ‘putting yourself out there’ thing just a little slower. So, what’ll it be? Are we going through with this, or do we bail and make good use of some private time?” Lezard rests his forehead on mine, and his warm breath wraps around my neck, sending shivers down my spine.
“Oh, so you’re tempting me with the promise of intimacy now?”
He teases my arm with a stroke of his fingers – a string of electricity rising up its length as he goes. “Is it working?”
Yes. “Nope.”
“Then I guess we’re doing this.”
“So it seems.”
“I’ll be off to play my part then.” He kisses me and backs off, reverting back to his more laid-back tone. He reaches the door and opens it. “Here’s a promise to keep you going: we will get that alone time later! I bid you adieu.” His English is terrible - and French even worse - but passable.
“Fare thee well, mo daft leannan.” With that, the door closes again and I’m left to steel my nerves.
