Hisao&Hanako<3 wrote:So what if a guy dates a girl cause he feels he's "saving the damsel in distress"? Maybe he actually loves her. What if one day, a guy finds a girl that's crying, and he wishes to comfort her and be her friend, and through that friendship, develops a love for her?
H&H, the term for what's being described isn't so much "White Knighting", but it's called "codependency". Hisao was suffering from a minor case and was able to shake himself out of it with only a bit of honest soul-searching and some prodding from Lilly.
The scenario you present can actually end in two ways:
Either:
1) Guy finds girl who's crying and wishes to comfort her and finds himself attracted to her.
2) Guy develops love for the girl and tells her he'll always be there for her when she needs his help.
3) Girl, after seeing guy's complete devotion to her recognizes his kindness, sacrifices and efforts and starts a relationship with him.
4) The girl eventually gets better and they live happily ever after.
or:
1) Guy finds girl who's crying and wishes to comfort her and finds himself attracted to her.
2) Guy develops love for the girl and tells her he'll always be there for her when she needs his help.
3) Girl, after seeing guy's complete devotion to her recognizes his kindness, sacrifices and efforts and starts a relationship with him. (note that at some point, some girls may actually start having doubts. Many girls like Hanako are genre-savvy enough to wonder if this isn't too good to be true)
4) The girl eventually starts getting better and starts getting her life in order, depending less and less on the guy.
5) The guy feels like he should be glad for the girl, yet for some reason he feels like they've been growing a bit apart and while she's busy spending the night going out with her new friends or collegues, the guy feels confused about why that euphoric feeling of attraction he had at the beginning seems to have faded.
6) Guy at some point comes across some other girl who's crying or down on her luck and depressed and he feels something familiar deep inside when he looks at girl 2 that he used to feel with girl 1, but not anymore.
7) Guy feels that girl 1 doesn't really need help anymore, but girl 2 has noone to pay attention to her so he starts hanging out with her and develops a strong attraction to her. So eventually he breaks up with girl 1 when he realizes he's fallen in love with girl 2. He's not proud of it, but feels it would be selfish to deny girl 2 all he has to offer while she's so down on herself and obviously in need of someone to lend a supporting shoulder.
8) Girl 1 will either react with feeling betrayed and confused or will react with a resigned acceptance since she saw this coming for some time anyway.
9) Go back to step 2.
Turns out that said guy confused "feeling in love" with "feeling needed". And trust me, it's very easy to confuse the two. The guy may have had honestly good intentions and didn't even realize his own subconciousness was playing tricks on him. But if "saving someone" is what triggered a person's attraction, then that won't change once said person stops needing comfort...and that attraction will suddenly start turning into anxiety or worse.
Usually, the gender roles are reversed here. Guys seem to be slightly more prone to a dependent pattern and girls more prone to a codependent pattern, but there are plenty of examples where the caretakee is female.
Do examples of scenario 1 exist? Probably. But scenarios of type 2 are quite common as well, possibly a lot more common than examples of the first one.
Special note: unless the guy you brought up in your example was really you, this isn't an attempt at psycho-analyzing you as a person. All I'm saying is that attraction based on "save the damsel" can and (more often than not) do end badly.