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Indeed. Hanako strikes me as a very smart girl, as is anyone as well read as her. But due to her shyness she never gets a chance to express it except ocassionally in class, and of course in front of a chess board."Hiding her light under a bushel" as the old saying goes.

Bad Apple wrote:
On the other hand, reading this, it's almost depressing to see how truly clueless Mister "Master of Romance" is, contrasting Hisao and Hanako's thoughts. Even if it's just a fanwork, it is implied in canon that Hanako is more observant than she ever lets on (and personally, from experience, I fully believe that.) It makes you wonder how differently Hanako's route, among the shortest in the VN, would have gone had Hisao and Hanako just been loud and clear to each other much more early on. This might be why there's so many fics of Hanako after stories, because their relationship only starts in the very end due to these misunderstandings. But I digress.

And I think that's what makes the good ending work so very well. Despite the misteps, and the mistakes, they don't want to give up on it. They continue on, beleiving that that can get it right.

I'm just now getting caught up on this.

Trivun wrote:
Point also taken xD. And thank you . I think at this point, I decided to include a commentary of sorts on Akira because quite frankly we never really see how Hanako sees her in the original game, and yet they clearly get on well and Akira's not the type of person to look at Hanako's scars and judge her on those. Bear in mind we're dealing with Japan, which isn't exactly known for its fair treatment of disabled people (especially when you consider the culture still, even in the modern day, has a strong bias towards honour and towards strength and being a credit to ones family and so on - disabled people in Japan get a very raw deal even when compared to some of the less nice countries in the world). In Akira's case, she not only was raised with, but had to raise herself a blind sister, and the Western heritage would have had a dampening effect in terms of making her more open and accommodating to those with any kind of disability...

You know, I've never really thought about it before, but maybe part of the reason that Akira and Hanako get along comes from the fact that Akira would draw just as many stares in Japan as Hanako would, possibly more. It is mentioned that Akira has commented to Lilly several times before that the two of them look rather out of place. Sure Akira is Japanese, but she doesn't look it.

Now the chapter set right after the party really doesn't flow well. The way you write it suggests that it's the very next day, Hanako is even talking about still feeling hung-over, yet in class, you reference Hanako having skipped a day. It just feels like Hanako's part of the story and the part with Hisao and Shizune are coming from two different scripts.

The Jazz club chapter was probably your best work in this story so far. It was nice seeing how Hanako was on the verge of panic and intensely debated with herself over such small matters. It really gave her a strong sense of character without overdoing it.

Bad Apple wrote: It makes you wonder how differently Hanako's route, among the shortest in the VN, would have gone had Hisao and Hanako just been loud and clear to each other much more early on.

I've seen quite a few people bring up this point.
Yes, if Hanako and Hisao were more vocal and open thing would have gone easier for them ... and if they were from Krypton, they could fly.

These two people are not good at expression their thoughts to others. if they were, they wouldn't even be in the kind of situation they were in when they first encountered each other.

You can speculate what they would be like if they did talk more, but at that point, you might as well be dealing with two different characters altogether.

Oddball wrote: I've seen quite a few people bring up this point.
Yes, if Hanako and Hisao were more vocal and open thing would have gone easier for them ... and if they were from Krypton, they could fly.

These two people are not good at expression their thoughts to others. if they were, they wouldn't even be in the kind of situation they were in when they first encountered each other.

You can speculate what they would be like if they did talk more, but at that point, you might as well be dealing with two different characters altogether.

Except... That's exactly what they do by story's end. There's this little thing called "character development", where dynamic characters change as they learn over the course of the story.

Now, you could argue "well, without that there would be no conflict, therefore no story." But that's not true either; it'd just be a different story.

To imply that basic communication skills are alien to the likes of Hisao and Hanako is rather silly. Especially since, quite clearly, they learn better. And it's not necessarily because they learn from their mistakes; Hanako gets better virtually by herself in Lilly's route. But sure, changes in personality are magical and from outer space to some people, let's go with that.

Bad Apple wrote:

Oddball wrote: I've seen quite a few people bring up this point.
Yes, if Hanako and Hisao were more vocal and open thing would have gone easier for them ... and if they were from Krypton, they could fly.

These two people are not good at expression their thoughts to others. if they were, they wouldn't even be in the kind of situation they were in when they first encountered each other.

You can speculate what they would be like if they did talk more, but at that point, you might as well be dealing with two different characters altogether.

Except... That's exactly what they do by story's end. There's this little thing called "character development", where dynamic characters change as they learn over the course of the story.

Now, you could argue "well, without that there would be no conflict, therefore no story." But that's not true either; it'd just be a different story.

To imply that basic communication skills are alien to the likes of Hisao and Hanako is rather silly. Especially since, quite clearly, they learn better. And it's not necessarily because they learn from their mistakes; Hanako gets better virtually by herself in Lilly's route. But sure, changes in personality are magical and from outer space to some people, let's go with that.

Yes, there is a thing called character development. It involves change. Change meaning that they weren't that way before. They may learn from their mistakes, but first they have to actually MAKE those mistakes in order to learn from them. Even at the end of the game they mention that they still don't really get each other and they still have a long way to go.

Hanako gets better virtually by herself in Lilly's route.

Not really.

Bad Apple wrote:I've been following this one for a while (as a long-time lurker), and I must say I like the concept. A simple POV flip, and suddenly Hanako's route is fresh again. Any constructive criticism I may have had (this fanfic's been running for almost a year, so my memory's fuzzy) has been long addressed by this point, so. Good work.

When it comes to the writing, I like how you intoxicated the narrative with Hanako when she got drunk, the shift in her stream of consciousness was very authentic.

On the other hand, reading this, it's almost depressing to see how truly clueless Mister "Master of Romance" is, contrasting Hisao and Hanako's thoughts. Even if it's just a fanwork, it is implied in canon that Hanako is more observant than she ever lets on (and personally, from experience, I fully believe that.) It makes you wonder how differently Hanako's route, among the shortest in the VN, would have gone had Hisao and Hanako just been loud and clear to each other much more early on. This might be why there's so many fics of Hanako after stories, because their relationship only starts in the very end due to these misunderstandings. But I digress.

Touching briefly on the narrative shift, I'm halfway expecting the prose to start melting and dripping from my screen like it was undergoing a nuclear meltdown in the Bad Ending, man. Again, good work. Keep it up.

Thanks for the kind words . With the drunkenness, that was basically inspired both by the VN and by how I act when I'm drunk. I tend to become rather talkative and full of crap and not really focusing on one thing, so it was pretty easy to merge that with the canonical 'outside look' at Hanako's actions under the influence... Not to mention, with Hanako being more observant than she lets on, I've mentioned before that I see a lot of Hanako in myself, and vice versa, which is my she's (along with Emi) one of my favourite characters. I went through similar situations at school, albeit without a disability, and I've always been a lot more observant than people realise, so it was fairly easy to transplant that and still remain true to canon. As you say, the original VN does imply that case quite a lot.

Also, if I could find a way of programming the forum here so that the prose really does melt and drip, believe me I would . Anything to keep things fresh and relative xD.

pandaphil wrote:Indeed. Hanako strikes me as a very smart girl, as is anyone as well read as her. But due to her shyness she never gets a chance to express it except ocassionally in class, and of course in front of a chess board."Hiding her light under a bushel" as the old saying goes.

Definitely, and she occasionally does show that intelligence through the VN, but to be fair we're only ever seeing Hisao's point of view, and he's surely rather biased in his view given he starts out wanting to 'save her' (which I won't dwell too deeply on as we had the 'white knight' debate a few pages back already). That's why, I think, it's nice to see Hanako's own take on events, and certainly a lot more interesting both as a reader and as a writer .

Oddball wrote:I'm just now getting caught up on this.

Trivun wrote:
Point also taken xD. And thank you . I think at this point, I decided to include a commentary of sorts on Akira because quite frankly we never really see how Hanako sees her in the original game, and yet they clearly get on well and Akira's not the type of person to look at Hanako's scars and judge her on those. Bear in mind we're dealing with Japan, which isn't exactly known for its fair treatment of disabled people (especially when you consider the culture still, even in the modern day, has a strong bias towards honour and towards strength and being a credit to ones family and so on - disabled people in Japan get a very raw deal even when compared to some of the less nice countries in the world). In Akira's case, she not only was raised with, but had to raise herself a blind sister, and the Western heritage would have had a dampening effect in terms of making her more open and accommodating to those with any kind of disability...

You know, I've never really thought about it before, but maybe part of the reason that Akira and Hanako get along comes from the fact that Akira would draw just as many stares in Japan as Hanako would, possibly more. It is mentioned that Akira has commented to Lilly several times before that the two of them look rather out of place. Sure Akira is Japanese, but she doesn't look it.

Now the chapter set right after the party really doesn't flow well. The way you write it suggests that it's the very next day, Hanako is even talking about still feeling hung-over, yet in class, you reference Hanako having skipped a day. It just feels like Hanako's part of the story and the part with Hisao and Shizune are coming from two different scripts.

The Jazz club chapter was probably your best work in this story so far. It was nice seeing how Hanako was on the verge of panic and intensely debated with herself over such small matters. It really gave her a strong sense of character without overdoing it.

Bad Apple wrote: It makes you wonder how differently Hanako's route, among the shortest in the VN, would have gone had Hisao and Hanako just been loud and clear to each other much more early on.

I've seen quite a few people bring up this point.
Yes, if Hanako and Hisao were more vocal and open thing would have gone easier for them ... and if they were from Krypton, they could fly.

These two people are not good at expression their thoughts to others. if they were, they wouldn't even be in the kind of situation they were in when they first encountered each other.

You can speculate what they would be like if they did talk more, but at that point, you might as well be dealing with two different characters altogether.

Glad to see you're finally getting around to reading this, and thanks for the comments . Regarding your criticism, I suppose I can't really disagree, though in my defence I just want to mention that I was trying to channel the VN itself, where (since Hisao is the narrator) we as an audience don't yet know he's skipped a day. I wanted to try and make it so that although Hanako knows the truth, the reader is again led into thinking it's the day after the party. I did leave a few clues in to show that there's something the reader doesn't know, and of course anyone reading this who's played the game knows the 'twist', whereas it's a nice surprise still for anyone reading this who hasn't yet played through Hanako's arc. That being said, I may have madethe clues a bit too subtle, for which I apologise...

With regards to Akira, I'll admit I never actually considered her own appearance, but now you mention it it seems obvious in hindsight. I guess there's merit to be found in both your theory and mine, and they do work rather well together in a way. With the Jazz Club, it was a bit of a struggle to not overdo it, but ultimately it's both a very intimate scene between Hanako and Hisao and a very public scene, being in an open place in the city, at the same time. It knid of makes the scene unique in that although we're seeing more of Hanako's inner personality a bit, and some of her secrets, she's still very aware of what's aroung her and very self-conscious and wary of saying or doing too much. Which is why it was such an interesting scene to write from her point of view.

I won't delve too deeply into the possible character development debate, simply because the whole issue is kind of a large reason (though not the only one) why I'm writing this anyway so my thoughts on Hanako's character development are embedded within the prose, also I'm more interested in seeing what the readers have to say instead on the matter ;D.

Also, on another note - who has managed to notice the symbolism or meaning in the chapter titles so far? I'll be especially proud of anybody who can figure out the meaning of the titles for The Mirror or Halcyon. Or even for En Passant, or any of the other chess-based titles...

I wonder if Lilly ever had to deal with any problems due to her looks.

We have subtle hint that Hanako is really quite intellegent in the actual VN. She misses a lot of classes but she isn't failing. So obviously she can keep up on the tests and the like and does a lot of studiying on her own.

Really Neither Hisao nor Hanako are in the best of places during the events of the VN. Hisao is still adjusting from the changes that have happened in the wake of his heart attack. Hanako has her own issues. Both of them have a lot of trouble with the relationship as a resault.

Just read through this today. Excellent work. I've already marked this down as something I'm going to read to my friend that I've mentioned elsewhere once it's complete.

As for chapter titles, I will have to go back and look, but I definitely remember "En Passant" -- or "in passing". Been a while since I played myself, but I know that it's the only move in the game which is initiated by the opponent's move, i.e., a passive move rather than an active one. Clever title for the chapter in question indeed, on a few levels . Will have to go back and look for others.

It's been a long time coming for a very short chapter, but we all know what it's leading to after all...

Act 3 - Chapter Nine: Roots Before Branches

We gather the next day for Lilly and Akira's departure. “Right then,” asks Hisao. “Are you taking the bus, Lilly?” We're standing in the corridor outside mine and Lilly's rooms, ready to see her off.

“I'll have to take this with me, so I've booked a taxi,” she replies, gesturing pointedly at a large suitcase to one side, containing all her luggage for the trip. “It'll meet us at the school gates in about five minutes.”

“Ah, I see.” As Lilly feels for the handle and kneels down to pick up her case, Hisao moves forward to help. It's clear that the case is rather on the heavy side, I know I'd certainly have some trouble carrying it. “That is awfully kind of you, Hisao,” comes the response from Lilly. He's acting every bit the consummate gentleman, and I can't help but consider he's falling back into the pattern I was hoping he wouldn't stick to. Maybe that's just who he is, though. It's not an unpleasant way for someone to be, I suppose, as long as I have my space and can get through things myself. Lilly is more than worthy of Hisao's help, but I can't claim the same for myself...

Before I get lost in my thoughts I hear Lilly's voice again. “Well, thank you then,” she says to Hisao. “We should hurry though, if the taxi leaves then it will take quite a while to book a new one. Are you ready, Hanako?”

Her final comment is directed straight to me, and I reply in the affirmative. “Y-yeah. Let's go.”

We hurry to the gates, hoping that the taxi hasn't yet arrived. As we approach, though, it seems Lilly's fears are unfounded. It's not yet here. Hisao takes a more light-hearted view of the situation, though. “Well, nothing like a bit of exercise in the morning. The nurse told me that I should be doing that.”

I'm not sure whether to admonish him for taking such a loose approach to his health, especially whilst at Yamaku, or whether to agree that a bit of exercise is a good thing in the morning. I suppose the two aren't entirely incongruent. Lilly, however, is more firm in her opinion.

“I think he probably had other things in mind, Hisao. And probably with more regularity. Do you intend to be helping people with their luggage every day?”

She has a point. “I guess not,” Hisao replies. “Looks like we've got a bit to wait anyway. How long should we wait for the taxi before calling them again?”

I'm not entirely sure why Akira couldn't have come here and picked Lilly up, regardless of my thoughts on her driving last night. Then again, it would be going out of her way quite a bit to make a detour to Yamaku, since she's much closer to the airport than we are. Plus, she might be nursing a hangover, or just be having a lie-in with the extra time afforded to her by way of travel distance. As I think about this, Lilly answers the question posed by Hisao.

“I would say another ten minutes, but they've never let me down before. There's probably just a little traffic.”

“Okay then.” We wait in silence for a few seconds before Hisao speaks again. “So how long is the flight to Scotland?” I realise it's a long journey, and will take a lot of time, but I'm not quite prepared for Lilly's answer. It seems amazingly far, and drives home just how great the distance will be between us. One less crutch to support me in my hardest moments. Both a blessing, and a curse.

“About sixteen hours, if I remember correctly.” As I say, a very long time. “It's a bit hard to tell with the changing time zones.”

“So long...” I hear myself say quietly. I'd forgotten about the time zones too, it'll make phoning each other a bit more awkward when it's night here and morning there. I keep running through my head just how I'll manage to cope without Lilly here for me. I hate myself for it, but I depend on her, and although I don't feel I deserve the support she gives me I can't deny I'm grateful for it. That is, I'm grateful when I want it. I suppose it's a good thing that she's leaving just at the time when I want to shut the world out, when I want to be alone, but I can't avoid feeling tense and wanting to find some way to cope and wondering how Hisao will deal with everything and how I can keep him away and...

“Yeah, I can't imagine being on a plane for that long.” Hisao brings me out of my reverie, though it does little to calm me down. I try and force my mind to think of other things, like how interesting it would be to fly somewhere. I've never been on a plane before, not that I remember at any rate. I understand the concept, but it doesn't make the idea of flying in a big metal box any less strange and surreal to me. Thinking about it, and listening to Lilly, helps me stay a little calmer, but it's still a concerted effort to maintain it.

“It's not too bad,” she says. “I'll spend most of it either asleep or catching up on my English. I hardly use that here so I need to refamiliarise myself with it a little.”

I try to hide my anxiety by getting a bit more involved in the discussion. “W-will your accent... be a problem?”

“I wouldn't worry about that too much. It may be an issue initially, but I should be fine once I get used to it.”

With that, the conversation ends for now, and we all sit down to wait. With nothing to distract me I find my thoughts constantly returning to the coming days alone, and what I'll have to face yet again. Every year, haunted by old memories and the ghosts of the past. Even Lilly's determination each year to give me better memories and experiences are subdued by the strength of my hurt. Every time I find something else to concentrate on I can't avoid returning to the darker part of my mind. Maybe it's a bit masochistic of me, though I don't see how. I don't want these thoughts. Yet maybe I'm meant to suffer, maybe I'm not meant to be happy. I keep pushing the thoughts aside and still they keep coming back. My fingernails are wearing down to stubs, not exactly pretty like Lilly, and I glance across at Hisao several times, only to hurriedly look away when I notice him watching me in return.

He opens his mouth as if to speak, when suddenly a very faint roaring sound appears on the edge of our hearing. It quickly rises in volume, until we see a lone car cresting the hill. “Ah, I think the taxi is on its way...”

“Well spotted, Hisao, I only just heard it as well.” I think Lilly probably heard it a bit further back, actually, given her aptitude for her other senses in lieu of her sight. Then again, maybe she was as distracted as I was, by other matters entirely. Sometimes to keep my mind away from my own troubles, I try to imagine what Lilly thinks, what her emotions and feelings are. Why she decides to bother herself with someone like me.

Or, maybe, Hisao has just become that bit more aware of his surroundings. Maybe he's starting to sense things the way Lilly does, as if a little bit of her is rubbing off on him.

When the taxi stops and confirms Lilly's identity, we help her load her luggage into the trunk, as she sits gently on the back seat. She opens the window and we say our farewells. “Have a safe trip, Lilly,” I say.

“Take care of yourself,” says Hisao.

I try to avoid showing my emotions, but while I can easily (more so now than previously) hide the stammer, I can't prevent the sadness creeping in. Some things are just too hard.

“Of course I will,” Lilly replies to our goodbyes and well wishes. “I'll be back before long, don't worry. There will still be another person here for you too, won't there, Hisao?” I know she names Hisao but her words are directed at me. It's like a reminder that no matter what happens, I won't be alone.

She still doesn't understand...

“Yeah, of course,” comes Hisao's response. He turns to me and smiles, putting a hand on my shoulder. I look at his eyes, briefly, before turning my face away, hot and red as the blood rushes to my cheeks. I shiver just a little, though I don't think he can feel it. It's not an unpleasant feeling, nor a shiver of revulsion, more one of joy, though every fibre of my body is fighting the impulse to run and hide myself away, my sole defence mechanism. I'm torn between my heart, beating oh so fast, and my head, my tragically damaged mind constantly telling me I'm unworthy of feelings like these. I force myself to calm down, and return my gaze to Lilly, waiting in the taxi.

“See you, Lilly.”
“Goodbye!”

Lilly responds to our words in kind, though not without a clear degree of sadness, and waves as the taxi finally pulls away down the hill. Hisao and I stand together, not speaking, just considering what to do. The next few weeks will be strange without Lilly's presence. I guess we'll just have to make the best of it.

As I ponder the rest of the day, Hisao asks me, “So, what do you want to do?”

“I... don't know.” I have no idea what to say. I had no real plans, but maybe he can think of something...

Amazing stuff here. Great job. It's nice to see your take on what goes on in Hanako's head. It's giving me a whole new perspective on Hanako. I gotta replay her route again sometime. Keep up the good work.

A shorter interlude this time, but an interesting on nonetheless. What with it dealing with Lily's trip. And we get ever closer to Hanako locking herself in her room. And her bad end. It's gonna get more heartwrenching before it gets better.

Endofone wrote:Amazing stuff here. Great job. It's nice to see your take on what goes on in Hanako's head. It's giving me a whole new perspective on Hanako. I gotta replay her route again sometime. Keep up the good work.

Negativedarke wrote:A shorter interlude this time, but an interesting on nonetheless. What with it dealing with Lily's trip. And we get ever closer to Hanako locking herself in her room. And her bad end. It's gonna get more heartwrenching before it gets better.

Oh, definitely . And thanks both for the kind words. As an interesting note, here's the text of a review for this that was posted about half a week ago, after the new chapter was uploaded, on Fanfiction.net:

TAKE HER INTO THE CITY TAKE HER INTO THE CITY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HISAO TAKEHER INTO THE CITY I'M BEGGING YOU

That was the exact text someone posted. Whether I follow through or not, we'll just have to see...

This kind of fics make me curious even more ... Good job, and do take Hanachan to the town

Oh holy balls, I keep forgetting to check this now I'm super nervous about which ending'll be done first. Craaaaap...