Katawa Shoujo Forums

@Hylan: As I have said before, I'm not that great when it comes to relationships. I think that everyone has their own "way" of meeting women. Your friends are apparently good at meeting them on a night out, perhaps you would have better luck meeting someone that you work with or happen to have a class with. Again, as I've said before, I'm not an expert, but you never know what might happen.

@Athankfulanon: I think that, at that age, friends are something different. They're there to have fun with you, I think. Eventually, they can become the friend that you can really talk to. I'm not really sure if this helped (or if this is even good advice, for that matter), but I hope that you find someone in real life that you can talk to about all of these things.

@Athankfulanon: I think that, at that age, friends are something different. They're there to have fun with you, I think. Eventually, they can become the friend that you can really talk to. I'm not really sure if this helped (or if this is even good advice, for that matter), but I hope that you find someone in real life that you can talk to about all of these things.

^^^ Friends at I assume your age which is 13-15 maybe 16ish. Aren't there to really help you with your life. most people haven't grown up enough to help you in any manner besides saying "d'awh, feel better" once they have to deal with their own shit they'll grow up and you'll find that you'll find true friends in the later years of high school and college (If you go)

But again. most likely 19/20 people you will meet are going to care less about you then a rock, even if it seems like they might, they probably don't. Thats just a fact of life. -nod-

Also - In note to what you said about your friends being fake in not that sense, I know what you mean in that regard as well. They're there for you when they need you. But when it comes to you relying on them, they're off doing more 'important' things.

@Athankfulanon

Friends come and go, no big deal to me at least. Maybe it's because I'm more of a social guy now and really I'll talk to anyone if they are willing. Or maybe it's because I'm from a small town, and know a lot about everyone that lives in my everyone. But I agree with you that too many people are too fake, I'm glad I'm with a few friends who would literally do anything in the world for me, not joking. And I'm the same way back. I don't know if I can give advice rather then keep on trying, you're young, and got many years ahead of you. Hell, my parents have been happily married for 19 years and they only need each other for friends. All it takes is one person.

Well, like I said, mine is pretty mundane compared to many others, even if it follows a similar pattern.


I'm from America, the south. A small town on no maps except its own, and maybe Google Maps. I was raised by my mother only, with my father having visitation rights he really didn't use that often. We were a low-income family, forced to live in subsidized housing and live off various forms of government assistance. Just describing the setting, it really has little to do with the story.
I don't remember a lot of my early years at school, my memories are fuzzy and limited. What I do remember, is that while I was very advanced in reading and writing, I was very far behind with developing certain skills, such as tying my shoes or my social skills. I actually didn't get shoe-tying down until third grade, due to a lack of effort on my part. Third grade is where the memories begin to fade in more.

Throughout Elementary and Middle school, I was mercilessly bullied. I had no friends, or clique I was a part of. I simply hadn't developed the same level of social skills by those points, which left me an outcast and a "weirdo". It didn't help that I was usually wearing the same three sets of clothes until they wore out or I didn't fit anymore. By the end of middle school, I had withdrawn in a shell. Wake up. Go to school. Do my work, by myself. Go home. Shower. Sleep. Do it over again. All on autopilot. I avoided working with others where I could, I just didn't belong. If I attempted public speaking, I would completely shut down, unable to speak.
Around 7th grade, I really picked up on my reading again. It was the one escape from reality I had almost unlimited access to, and I took advantage of it. Soon afterwards, if I wasn't actively engaged in finishing an assignment, I had my face buried in a book, whatever fiction I could get my hands on. I would become so entranced into the world of the story, that the bells could ring and classes would change, and I wouldn't be aware of it until I checked the clock on a whim. In a book, I didn't have to try to fit in, I could just escape into the other world.
By the time I started High School, I had essentially finished the entire Fiction portion of the school library, and I was significantly into the city library's Sci-Fi section (Which cultivated my love of Sci-Fi today). The bullying dropped off once I was in High School--I didn't suffer Freshman Friday due to my luckily placed classes, no one really knew me, and everyone was awkward due to not always knowing each other.
Halfway through freshman year, I had slowly built up my social skills to the point where I could handle working with others without closing myself off. I even made a few "friends" inasmuch as they joined my class groups so that I could do their work for them. I didn't care, I was happy to finally have some "Friends." Throughout my high school life, I matured physically and mentally, realizing how vapid these "friends" were.
In Sophomore year, I finally got the cojones to ask a girl to go out with me. She said yes! Throughout the entirety of that year, I was slowly gaining my confidence, my self-image, I was even starting to socialize more outside of the small groups that invariably formed in a classroom. It was only a long-distance relationship, but it did wonders for me. I had an outlet for my feelings--I wasn't just bottling them up anymore. I had vested TRUST into another person.
Junior Year, first week. Not even a whole week into the school year, I discovered that she had been cheating on me. Not just once, but multiple times with multiple men. Everything she had said tome was a lie. I was crushed. I withdrew into my shell again, going into autopilot, shutting out everyone. At this point is when I discovered anime and manga, and devoured it just as much as I did books. Another escape I could access, within the limits of my internet access.
I shut myself off for most of that year, I don't even remember the mundane days of automatic movement. I fell behind my peers in both personal skills and schooling, I had reached a point where I didn't care anymore, and just didn't work or learn unless I was forced. I had to attend summer school so that I didn't fail that year, I put off so much. At the end of the year, I had less to show for it than when the year had started.
In my senior year, during the free summer time, I wasted away in my room and didn't leave. I had taken contracting job for unskilled manual labor that occupied a little of my time and got me money to spend of books, manga, and anime. I refinished floors, moved furniture, and did general janitorial work for a pittance. I wasted every cent I earned, within days of getting the check. I finished everything I bought well before the next check.
Once the school year ha actually started, I chose to focus on my schooling--I wanted to walk, if only so I could get out of school as quickly as possible. I had to leave autopilot for that, I had to think. And I did learn. I left my shell more as I learned more, encouraged by my progress. I started speaking again, more than just answering questions. I managed a shaky, mostly mumbled class speech,without freezing or running. I took a plunge, and asked a girl out, this time at my school. Several months before school ended, I enlisted in the Army, Active, to do something with my life and to make a large amount of college money. Things were going great, I had stopped being the weirdo, I had a plan for my future, a girlfriend, and I even had "free" time again where I wasn't just reading.
Seven months in, I walked in on her on her knees with another student in her mouth.
I have such great luck with women. I spiraled into a depression, never quit getting to the point of contemplating suicide. I was simply to scared of pain to even think about it.
I was luckier than most, it seems, in that I HAD made a true, good friend while I was out of my shell. We met in an RP, and had some kind of connection. It wasn't love, not at all, but something clicked and it's been there ever since. I call her my older sister, she calls me her kid's godfather. I didn't mention it earlier, but she was older than me, married, and had a child. No problem, no romantic inclinations. She helped me dig myself out of my hole, and kept me from the darkest of the depression. I ws at least somewhat functional, enough that I didn't just lock myself in my room. I trudged through the last of the school year, managing to pass all of my classes and graduate with a B average. I didn't go to prom, I didn't attend any of the graduation parties. I settled in my bed with a book or with my laptop, growing paler and weaker every day.

Two and a half months after graduation, I shipped off to Basic Training. I went to Fort Knox, KY. Six and a half hours later in a van with two other people, and we were there. I very obviously didn't fit in--I was short, rounder than most, and pale. I didn't mesh well with those I was assigned to a platoon with, our personalities so different. Throughout the 3 months of training, I was constantly forcibly removed from my shell and from my comfort zone. I was not ALLOWED to be a morose f##K and just do my own thing. I was made to socialize, know my peers, and work with them even if we didn't get along. Halfway through, I was made a squad leader, and permanently removed from my safe zone and my shell. I had to TAKE CARE of 9 other soldiers-in-training, even though I was the youngest and smallest. In those three months, I had to do many things that I would never have done before, and I was injured more than I would ever be comfortable with. I crawled through the mud, went through the gas chamber (I even managed to NOT throw up!), showered with 9 other men without hiding out till everyone was done, climbed things I never would have been able to before, and I built my (somewhat skewed) social skills. At the end of those three months, I felt like a person, for the first time in a long time.
Directly afterwards, I shipped to FT Sill, Oklahoma, for my job training (AIT). Six weeks. Three weeks in, three weeks and two days, my grandfather died. My grandfather was my father figure and the best of friends to me, even if I didn't get to see him much. He was the inspiration for my aspirations. I was allowed to go home to attend the funeral, which I did. The whore girl from high school attempted to ask me out again, right after the funeral! By that point, I had built my self-confidence up enough to tell her no, that I respected myself too much.
After my very short time home, it was back off to Sill again. I had to wait for the next class to get to where I was, three more weeks. Overall, I was in Fort Still for 9 total weeks. When my training was completed, I went home for two weeks. My orders were for Alaska, of all places.

That was last year. I got to my unit, and six months later we deployed. We did our training in the states, and I managed to get my before-deployment leave on my birthday. I managed to spend that birthday over a tub of KFC at that close friend's home. Not glamorous, but it was the first time I had really had a good time.
Now, I'm in Afghanistan. That's where I am right this second. I've been here almost a whole year, and it's almost time to go back to the states. Tomorrow is my 20th birthday, spending it by myself and "treating" myself to some snacks I nabbed from the chow hall. I made some real friends with the soldiers in my squad, even if we weren't a line unit . We lived together, we couldn't hate each other's guts for long.
Just this last month I asked a very long-time crush if she would consider going out with me when I returned. I was shot down, even if it was a gentle one (friendzoned). But, I wasn't crushed, and I didn't let it bother me. I matured as a person this last two years.

Like I said, I rather feel this isn't up to scratch for this forum. I didn't have it TOO bad, I'm not very good at expressing things anymore, and I actually recovered before this point. The Hanako story drudged up a lot of old memories for me. I may have even HNNNNNG'd once or twice myself, even if Hisao wasn't. Gotta say, the first ending I ever got was a bad ending, and it made me shed a manly tear. OR maybe I bawled my eyes out. I don't really remember.


EDIT: Oops, didn't mean to text-wall with so little actual content!
Just adding in, if anyone needs a friend, I'm always up to meet new people. Bear in mind I'm aggressively protective of the few friends I actually have, lord help whoever causes them grief.

@kushiro: I don't think that post size matters in this thread. I didn't go to prom or the senior party at my school. I went to the graduation party for one of my friends, and the kids from my church that happened to graduate the same year as me. I felt that at my graduation party, though, many of the people there showed up because they were obligated to. Only one of my friends was able to show up, and the rest of the people there were from my church or extended family. Good for you for enlisting. I won't enlist, I'm too much of a coward to do that. You seem to have more "cajones" than I do, considering you've asked out more girls than I have (I haven't asked any out, except for when I asked one girl to homecoming...over FaceBook...that was pretty stupid). I also didn't learn to tie my shoes until much later. Everybody in my family tried to teach me, but I could never remember. I still don't think I have it down, considering how often they come untied just from walking around. I'm glad to see that you are doing better now, though.

Sorry if that response was all over the place, I just typed up stuff that were left with me the most, and just typed up my thoughts.

Kushiro, first of all, I hope you and everyone you care for comes home safely and unharmed. War sucks, but then again, I'm glad that some brave people like you are willing to fight to help and protect others. And it sound like it's been a life changing experience for you. I hope it doesn't make you callous or bitter, though. Secondly, you do seem to be quite unlucky in the women you met... but at least you are having relationships and learning from them. It will be an invaluable experience in later life when you meet a lady who is serious about loving you. I can say that in my marriage much of the problems we we were having were due to my complete lack of relationship experience whatsoever.

Hylan, I think the girl you had this rocky relationship with had a lot of shit to clean up for herself, as did you. No wonder she was so suspicious. I guess she cheated on you purely out of suspicion, because she thought you cheated on her. Wth women it's not just luck though, more like timing and skill. I hope you'll find someone more stable. Just work on yourself so you'll be ready when you find someone.

Athankfulanon, most people you will meet in life will not be friends but acquaintances, certainly at your young age. All people have their own problems to care for, and so do you. Being a true friend requires effort, and most people only want to give that effort for people they really care for. But I'd say, don't be too suspicious or demanding of others. It's OK for people to be acquaintances, just don't expect them to behave like friends. Keep on looking, you'll find a few true friends in the end. As for your parents, I guess it's hard for them to understand your feelings because they seem to be quite jaded themselves. Like Shadow says to Terra in Final Fantasy 6: "In this world, there are many like me who have killed their emotions. Don't forget that." My advice would be, don't do that, no matter how sad or painful life becomes, for without emotions there is no joy either.

Hey, new to the game, new to the the whole forums thing as well. I am planning to post my story soon enough. But I would just like to say that people in this world are horrible, well, most anyway, you all seem like lovely people, but back to the people thing, I just don't understand how these people you describe can have such an emotional disconnect from you guys. The story that hit me the hardest was probably micechasekitten's one, how could teachers and kids do such a thing? My blood was boiling at that. I've also experienced some problems from teachers in primary school (NZ equivalent of grade school) but it was mostly just them ignoring when I had a problem and punishing me for self defense.

Anyway, like I said, you are all lovely people and I am sorry to hear how life has screwed us over in one way or another. I'll post soon, and yes, I have read every story posted here. I made sure to before I posted anything at all. Also sorry if I sound offensive in any way, I'm terrible are speaking ( I usually just string loosely connected words together).

I'm really happy to see a more and more people sharing their story.
Like Wakagana said, it's really interesting to see how unique people are.
It's even more interesting to see how there's so many people taking their times to write about their life.
I mean, how many times you did in your entire life?

@Wakagana
I know how it feels to lose a dog. My parents brought a dog when I was 7 years old. At that time, I wasn't really happy with my life because of everybody calling me ugly. It was really nice to have a little dog who didn't care how ugly I was, no matter how I felt when I came back from school, he was always there to play with me, to make me happy. When he died, I felt so alone sometime. My house felt so... silent without him around.
It's funny how a little thing can change someone life for the better. Dogs really are human best friend.

@kushiro
I salute your courage for having been through that much and still being able to gather that much confidence to join the freakin' army and rejecting that girl.
Also ''I spiralled into a depression, never quit getting to the point of contemplating suicide.''
I envy you for getting through a depression without having... these kinds of thought. It really is a curse. In my personal experience, even though I'm better now, suicide is like a spectre in my head: sometime you don't even notice it's there, but once in a while, it comes back, never leaving you completely. I don't think I'll ever do it, as I made a promise, but the thoughts are still there sometime.
You really were fortunate for not even thinking about such a thing. You truly are amazing.


As for others, I did read every of your story, I just don't have anything to add to what others said. The language barrier really doesn't help either.

As for the chat, I went to freenode.net to see what it looks like and it's really complicated. I will still use it if that's our only option but damn, the interface gives me headache.
So instead I will send a PM to everybody here with my Skype/MSN account. Once you'll add me, I'll send you the other members. So check your PM inbox!

I never went into detail about much of the stuff that had to do with the RP and the events that occurred, but as a note-up. I had a girl friend at the time, and I and her were good friends, we went to the same school, didn't have the same classes however.

Regardless.

She knew very well of the person on the other end of the whole RP thing that I had emotional feelings for, and she was okay with it from the start, but in the end it killed me inside to not feel like I was being true to my self, But because of the event that happened between the person in the RP and Myself, I went to her house one day and explained everything out, and how I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, or who I even was as a person. t felt it was best to break up with her and give my self time to recover from both the Unrequited 'love' story that I and the other person had, and the fact I was unsure if I truly even cared about her in person more then just a friend. In the end I am happy I made that choice. She isn't the person I want to be with, she picked up a new boy-friend within a week and a half, someone she knew prior to I and her getting together, which made me feel almost empty as to the fact that not one, but two of the people I had felt cared about me dearly honestly couldn't care less, but in the end, as time goes on... I'm slowly recovering from it all mentally, I still talk to both of these people.

But, I figured I'd share a bit of what I wrote today during one of my LA classes.

The writing assignment was to write about love, or a first love.

"Love is probably one of the most gut-wrenching feelings the human mind has to offer.

It brings you up higher then you thought possible, and eventually it causes you to smash back into the ground...like a jet plane carrying thousands of adorable puppies. All that warm feeling, that happiness, the cuteness of it. It all turns into a smoldering heap of regret, guilt, anger and sometimes, and only sometimes, the acknowledgment that things don't always work out how you want.

The ones who can learn from this are worthy of finding love again, there are some however who give no rope to allow themselves to learn from their mistakes. Love is trial and error. And for the most part, it is a false emotion that we portray to make ourselves feel better about how shitty our lives actually are.

Love is someone to hold onto, someone to call your own, it gives you meaning. It gives you the strength to get up in the morning even if you have no meaning. Unfortunately, there are those who live's literraly revolve around this, and when ever something goes wrong, they must cling to a new sense of affection and to the fabricated lie that people actually 'love' them, or that you in return, love this person.

From personal experience, I have only loved one person. In return, I was not loved as an equal, but as a mere friend. Nothing more, while I myself was hypocritical in the fact that another 'loved' me. But when I dug deep within my own self conscious, I realized I did not love this person. They were an item, and Idol to look upon and give my self reasoning to do things, something to spend occupying my time with.

As I realized this I found my self caring, less and less, ofr wanting to live that lie I was constantly going through. It was clear to me that my assumptions were correct. As I almost always am. They moved on, relatively quick mind you. They found someone new to occupy their time and interest, to fill the void they desperately needed to survive. Leaving only me to wonder. What did all of this mean? From the butterflies in my stomach at the first thought of having a girl friend at an age where it could actually mean something, and to the empty abyss of emotion I didn't feel any more,

When it came to approaching the one I truly loved. I was put to rest, albeit gently. I was lucky, or so I think. Finding out that the person I held so dearly in my heart never felt any equal emotion. Regardless of what we told one another, and what we spoke of. We were, just friends.

Nothing more.

It made me give up on them, I had tried and tried to crack the shell, hoping maybe in the back of my mind that they had been in denial. But this person convinced me otherwise.

I gave up on it all
Giving up made me open my eyes.

Being in love doesn't make you happy.

Being happy, makes you happy.
And that requires only a strong mindset, and a steadfast heart."

Just figured I'd give people a read while I went into a bit more detail about the whole situation with the online-person I kept so dearly in my heart, and the conclusions of what happened that caused me to do things that would help open my eyes to a better life-experiance.

no matter who or what your significant other is, the only person that you should love the most is ultimately, yourself.
Otherwise it spirals down to a sinking ship.

Thanks for the help, guys. It really does help to know that someone out there's listening.

@kushiro

Wow, thanks for sharing your story. I can say that I'm pretty inspired. I'm not sure that I could've done many of the things that you have. I've never really had to put up with bullying. I've seen it happen, and I'm ashamed to say that most of the time i didn't intervene. I don't have the confidence or the familiarity with my crush to even consider asking her out. A lot of times, I find it hard to talk to people as well. I think your experience in the military was one of the more enlightening parts of your story. I honestly don't think i could've made it through. Physically, I'm pretty weak. And out of shape, too. I'm impressed at how you brought out the best in yourself. Whenever I've needed myself to succeed, I've always failed myself. if there's anything that I did succeed in, I've never found consistency in my victories. I respect you for your service, and I hope you stay safe. Thank you.

@Athankfulanon

Confidence is built in a slow process. It's not easy. It's easier with good friends to help you along, and things going your way. It's much easier to lose that confidence than it is to build it, so much easier.

Sometimes, you just have to reach a point where you go "Damn the confidence and the thoughts" and remove that filter and just blurt out what you want to say.It's much better to regret doing something than to wonder what could have been. It's different for everyone, though.

Use me, Emi, and Hanako as a motivation to better yourself. Go for walks, jogs, runs, do exercises in your own home. Build the confidence in yourself this way, then build it socially. I'm not in the best of shape myself, but I'm always striving to improve myself.

Not to offend or accuse anyone, but I feel some negative attitudes are showing up more her. I'd like to "counteract" those a bit, since I don't want this thread to become too gloomy.

It's true that people can suck, but so do I, so do we. If I think for five minutes I can come up with at least 3 ways I've treated other people badly as well recently. So, I think it's not reasonable for me to have high standards of others when I can't even meet such standards myself. Besides, anger and sadness at other peoples behaviour, while understandable, will usually not change anything. It's just a path of bitterness and regret. What I can do, though, is "be the better person". Every day deal with other people in a slightly better way. I expect people to be simply people, but I strive for being just a bit better. Even if I fail everyday, "I may be in the gutter, but I'm looking up at the stars".

As for love, it's true that it's not the solution to all problems. It' not an all-powerful force that makes everything better in itself. Rather, it's a rare, delicate treasure to cherish and take good care of. In a love relationship, if the partners try to win from each other, they will both lose each other in the end. Only if they find a way to genuinely cooperate, so both parties are happy together, it will work out. So it's not about loving yourself most, but rather, that in a relationship, both people need to be happy about it, and both need to be willing to work to make this happen. Love needs wisdom and mutual cooperation to stay alive. Wisdom, that gentle experience of the heart. That is a golden treasure to seek fo all the world over.

Edit: Here's a melody to encourage you all: Leave time for love!

Beoran wrote: It's true that people can suck, but so do I, so do we. If I think for five minutes I can come up with at least 3 ways I've treated other people badly as well recently.

I agree with your post and all, but that one kinda put me off, it kinda depends on how you describe recently, but, even if I go as far back as a year, I'm not sure if I even talked to that many people... at least not more then a single line exchange out of courtesy. So it's kinda hard for me to put myself in that way of thinking.