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Re: The Orion Project - [Sci-Fi] [UPDATED 07/19/2014]

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 5:44 am
by ParagonTerminus
[CHAPTER 4]
[HANAKO]


*I'm sorry for smashing the continuity, but from now on the story's gonna be in a first person perspective most of the time. I just find it much easier to write with that POV than in third person. Once again, really sorry.*

The girl's eyes shot open, and a violent scream of shock escaped her lips. Her body convulsed slightly, a brief seizure gripping it, as she sat up.

Lilly and I, now shaken from our individual thoughts, rushed towards her in unision to try and restrain her as the girl looked around, eyes wide with fear; not a lack of recognition, but horrible, unrelenting terror.

Lilly, her maternal instinct kicking into overdrive, tried to hush the girl, who had now calmed substantially, as I stared on. Eventually the girl went completely quiet, with some of the morbid fear gone from her eyes, and she looked around the medical bay, taking it all in.

"This... I-isn't... There..." she finally whispered shakily, her voice wavering.

I looked around the medical bay and finally found a box of Concentrated Caffeine pills, one of which I took and held in front of the girl.

"This'll help you wake up. Do you want it?"

The girl's eyes first went wide with terror, and it seemed like she was going to shriek again, but she just shook her head furiously.

"No pills, no medicine, no shots, nothing, nothing is right, everything hurts," she began babbling, eventually fading into incoherency. Hisao hastily ate the pill himself; god knew he needed it.

"See? It's gone. No pills," I replied, and Lilly interjected by stating, "We can take you down to the crew lounge and get you something to eat. You look hungry."

The girl nodded, and she rose off the medical bed unsteadily. After testing her legs and determining she could stand, she patted Lilly on the arm to signify she was ready. Somehow, she had already figured out Lilly's blindness.

Lilly began leading the way out of the medical bay and down the twisting corridors, the girl in tow and me holding up the rear. Eventually, we made it to the crew lounge, filled with a multitude of plush chairs, divans, and couches, and with numerous entertainment systems set up for a ghost crew; only I occasionally turned on the immersion games, and then only when reality seemed too terrible to bear for long stretches.

Lilly indicated for the girl to sit down on one of the couches, and I headed off to the adjoining kitchenette area to prepare tea for us all. Thirty or so seconds later, I returned to the lounge area, three steaming cups of machine-brewed tea in my hand. I dispensed one cup to each of the patrons in the room and sat down myself on a chair next to Lilly. Lilly, always the down-to-earth one, began the conversation.

"First of all, why don't you tell us your name?"
She asked in that soft motherly voice she could easily put on. It felt odd that she could talk to another person of the same age with that tone and still sound old and world-wise.

The girl considered this for a moment, spun it through her brain, and finally replied, "Hanako. M-my n-name is... Hanako." That one sentence seemed to be an effort for her.

Lilly nodded slowly and took a sip of her tea, musing over the answer. "I'm Lilly, and this is Hisao." She indicated me to the right and I gave a curt nod, allowing Lilly to take the reins of integrating this girl fully.

"Okay, Hanako, where are you from?" Lilly asked cautiously, that same maternal voice hardening ever-so-slightly with wariness that she may be stepping in a minefield here.

The minefield turned out to be existant as Hanako's already pale face turned snow white. "I... I... Can't..." Her voice was getting close to crying now.

Lilly hastily cut her off. "It's fine, we can move on. Why were you in the escape pod? Where did the pod come from?"

Hanako's face relaxed a little; we had avoided the landmines. "A... cargo ship... they... destroyed it... I was the only one... left." She spoke this last detail without fear, but with a morbid sort of understanding as the shock of her predicament faded and reality came crashing down with irresistible force. Her voice spoke the last word almost mechanically.

Lilly nodded slowly to show she understood. She decided to steer away from that field entirely. "Hanako, whatever happened to you, I'm sorry. We're going to try to help you, okay? You can stay here with us."

Hanako stared at Lilly for a moment and then looked at me, as if expectingmy input. "Lilly's right. Two on a large ship is a lonely existence, so we could use all the friends we can get. What do you say?" I said in my most reassuring voice, which isn't saying much. I was used to cold ultimatums and sarcastic remarks, but not to warm friendship.

Hanako looked back and forth between me and Lilly, her gaze finally settling on Lilly. I saw Hanako's mental gears turning as she weighed the risks of joining this motley crew.

Finally, she nodded her head slowly, her purple hair whipping about slightly. Hanako's expression had turned to a sort of mixture of fear blended with the faint glimmers of trust. For Lilly's benefit, I spoke:

"Well, that's all good and done then. If you stay there for a moment, Lilly will take you to your room soon. I just need to talk to her first."

I drank the last few dregs of my tea and rose up, heading towards one of the exits and depositing the teacup on the kitchenette counter on the way. Lilly followed closely behind, struggling to navigate the lounge's furniture. Eventually we made it back out into the steel corridor section and closed the door to make sure Hanako couldn't hear us.

"Lilly," I began softly, "I need you to keep an eye on her. I'm happy to have another person onboard, but she seems a little... Unstable, if you understand. Keep an eye on her please, because I don't want anyone getting stabbed."

Lilly nodded, her face turning grave in a manner that didn't suit her at all. "I'll try and keep her well."

I grimaced. "There's something odd about her that I can't quite place, maybe just a little tic in the back of my head. I'm entrusting you as my spy."

"You have all the CCTV systems on the bridge."

"I can't be on them 24/7, and you know me as the antisocial bastard I am; I won't able to tell if anything is wrong until she starts drawing on the walls with her own blood."

Lilly didn't appreciate the joke, and returned with a batch of my usual patended coldness. "That's hardly an excuse. We both have responsibility over her."

I smirked, even though I knew she couldn't see it. "Look at us, talking like Hanako's our child when she may well be older than us?"

"Well, at the moment, I'm not entirely sure if I would enjoy having a child with you." Lilly's voice had turned antarctic, and she stormed off by opening the door to the crew lounge. I've noticed recently that she seems easier to annoy, and also stays annoyed for longer once annoyed; the reason why remains a mystery. Either way, I had a ship to run, so I elected to return to the bridge to muse away by myself.

---

Captain Setou had been enjoying a novel, one of the great Pre-Catalysation Era classics, when First Lieutenant Kodai had called for him over the intercom. The captain's annoyance would soon turn to glee as he arrived on the bridge of his star cruiser, where Kodai delivered his report.

"Sir, we've tracked a Terrion stream; very recent, seems to be from a leaking fuel tank. Furthermore, we discovered a heavy radiation trail leading out from the Terrions. It seems that someone Catalysed out of the sector only about twenty minutes ago, and having recovered the cargo ship's main server unit, it seems one of the escape pods was launched prior to the explosion."

Captain Setou grinned from ear to ear.

"Follow the escape pod, then, Lieutenant. If there's a chance the girl is still alive, we'll damn well take it."

Kodai nodded. "Very good, sir. We will begin tracking immediately."

And so, preparations were made, weapons were armed, and the massive cruiser warped out of the region in hot pursuit.

Re: The Orion Project - [Sci-Fi] [UPDATED 07/19/2014]

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 8:12 am
by Mirage_GSM
I looked around the medical bay and finally found a box of Concentrated Caffeine pills, one of which he took and held in front of the girl.
You should decide between first person and third person at least ;-)
when reality seemed to terrible to bear
Typo.
I had a ship to run, so I elected to return to the bridge to muse away by myself.
"I've got work to do, so I'm going to sit in a chair and think." :lol:

Re: The Orion Project - [Sci-Fi] [UPDATED 07/22/2014]

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 8:17 am
by brythain
"Lilly," I began softly, "I need you to keep an eye on her.
Even in this incarnation, he's clueless. :D

Re: The Orion Project - [Sci-Fi] [UPDATED 07/22/2014]

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 8:40 am
by ParagonTerminus
brythain wrote:
"Lilly," I began softly, "I need you to keep an eye on her.
Even in this incarnation, he's clueless. :D
That was the joke :)

Re: The Orion Project - [Sci-Fi] [UPDATED 07/19/2014]

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 8:43 am
by ParagonTerminus
Mirage_GSM wrote:
I looked around the medical bay and finally found a box of Concentrated Caffeine pills, one of which he took and held in front of the girl.
You should decide between first person and third person at least ;-)
when reality seemed to terrible to bear
Typo.
I had a ship to run, so I elected to return to the bridge to muse away by myself.
"I've got work to do, so I'm going to sit in a chair and think." :lol:
Fixed. My brain can't decide which one it wants :/

Re: The Orion Project - [Sci-Fi] [UPDATED 07/22/2014]

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2014 5:02 pm
by ParagonTerminus
[CHAPTER 5]
[HUSH]


I was going through a routine system check when the proximity alarm went off again.

Not another pod, surely, I thought as I called up the external video feed, but when I looked at it my eyes bulged wide open.

About 5 kilometres out (effectively no distance at all in space), a large IPCN destroyer had Catalysed into the sector. It looked formidable indeed, bristling with artillery batteries.

Suddenly, the cruiser hailed the Ronin, and I warily pushed the "connect call" button. Almost immediately, an image of the captain was brought up, a tall and blonde female who looked like a citizen of the American Section of the IPC.

"Captain Hisao Nakai of illegal transport vessel Ronin, you, your vessel, and all others aboard are hereby detained under Coalition law on charges of smuggling, theft, and murder of numerous Coalition citizens. Disarm all weapon systems and shut down your engines. Failure to comply will be met with severely."

I grimaced and shut off the transmission in the same instant my fist fell on the "scramble to battle stations" alarm button. Almost immediately, a low droning sound began erupting in short bursts from the speakers set in the walls.

Meanwhile, I began flipping switches and pressing buttons at my captain's station. I had maybe 10 seconds before the destroyer realised what I was doing. I got on the intercom,

"Lilly, engines on full blast, push her just a little harder."

I turned back to my station, mainly one important aspect of it: fire control. Setting the the four railgun batteries on automatic engagement mode would suffice for now; I designated the deestroyer as the target but held off on granting the order to open fire.

Then, out of nowhere, the destroyer's engines lit aflame and one of my analytics screens told me with a slight shrieking sound that the destroyer had armed its weapon systems. These Stallion classes made by the American Section were known for their heavy firepower, but not for any particularly good armour.

Without further ado, I flipped the switch that granted the railguns free permission to fire, and also increased engine thrust to maximum. Lilly had overcharged the engines and it was best not to waste it.

The results were spectacular: one moment I felt the dull thuds of the railguns firing, and the next I looked out the window and watched in wonderment as three small blue ripples appeared on the IPCN destroyer; the shells impacting with its Horizon Field; the fourth railgun shell went flying off into vacuum, destined to eventually hit something.

It returned in due course, however, with a few arrays of lock-on rockets and a heavy plasma lance. The majority of the rockets missed, and the one that did hit was very easily felt; luckily, though, the designers of the Iwanako-class hadn't fucked around when they were dealing with the Horizon Field system. The plasma lance, meanwhile, arced off into space, some small firing error giving me a few good extra seconds of life.

The Solid Adrenaline was wearing off now, replaced quickly by actual Adrenaline; synthetic being replaced by authentic. As I maneuvered the Ronin around, I watched the next volley blast out from its railguns; sure enough, three more blue ripples. The missiles and plasma lance came back, and this time I wasn't so lucky as most of the barrage hit spot on.

The Ronin and the destroyer traded fire like this for a good few minutes, until an alert told me the Catalysation engines were fully charged. I needed to ensure I wouldn't be followed, however. I pressed the intercom button again,

"Lilly, launch the Cloud!"

Terrion Cloud Launcher. A small, highly illegal modification I had added onto the Ronin. By launching a small bomb of excited Terrions, I could create a whole damn cloud, as the namesake went, of Catalysation signatures. By the time they dug out the right one, we would be long gone.

As soon as I saw the small explosion behind our ship, I knew it was time to Catalyse. In a heartbeat, the plastic lid was flipped open, the button pressed, and the Ronin blasted across space.

Minutes later, the corvette was orbiting lazily around a small mining planet which sent us a half-hearted security hail asking our business. After a half-assed response, they took it as good enough and left the Ronin alone. I reclined back in my chair.

I really need better guns on this thing, I thought.

---

The cruiser warped into the sector, and Captain Setou grimaced almost immediately.

Nearby, an IPCN destroyer flew about something giving off many contradictory Catalysation signatures. A Terrion Cloud. Expensive but effective. Whoever he was dealing with, Captain Setou thought to himself with approval, was a worthy adversary.

A small beeping sound started coming from Wakawa's console; the destroyer captain was hailing the cruiser.

"Put it through to me," Kenji ordered Wakawa, who immediately obliged. Seconds later, a concerned female face was staring back at Kenji.

Kenji began, bored, "Report identification, directive, and incident."

The woman replied, "Echelon 2 Captain Lisanne Robertson, sir. In command of IPCN destroyerPrince, detached temporarily from American Section Fleet 7 to dispatch a known criminal in the area. We are sending you the full log now."

Captain Setou nodded. "I will look forward to reading it. Good day, Captain." And with that, he closed off the call.

He turned towards Lieutenant Kodai instantly.

"Destroy them. All escape pods, too."

"Sir...?" Kodai asked, a frown spreading on his face.

"The highest echelons of the IPCNC have ordered complete operational secrecy. Anyone in any way connected to the target is to be disposed off; they are only too happy to handle the bureaucratic mess as long as we do our job."

Kodai nodded slowly. "Very well, sir."

As Kenji strolled leisurely off the bridge, thoughts of his abandoned book flowing through his head, he felt the massive thuds of the plasma lances opening fire. When he listened carefully among the heart-like monotonous throbbing of the guns, he almost thought he could hear the screams of people being burnt alive.

Re: The Orion Project - [Sci-Fi] [UPDATED 07/22/2014]

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 3:13 am
by Mirage_GSM
The Solid Adrenaline was wearing off now, replaced quickly by actual Adrenaline; synthetic being replaced by authentic.
I thought it wasn't really adrenaline but only something called adrenaline for whatever reason?
So that other ship didn't follow any signatures but just coincidentally popped out five kilometres away? In space?

Re: The Orion Project - [Sci-Fi] [UPDATED 07/22/2014]

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 3:24 am
by ParagonTerminus
Mirage_GSM wrote:
The Solid Adrenaline was wearing off now, replaced quickly by actual Adrenaline; synthetic being replaced by authentic.
I thought it wasn't really adrenaline but only something called adrenaline for whatever reason?
So that other ship didn't follow any signatures but just coincidentally popped out five kilometres away? In space?
Solid Adrenaline is effectively a mixture of various stimulants and chemicals, adrenaline being one of them. Think of it as Adrenaline+.

Also, I never said the destroyer Catalysed in randomly. The IPC is a military superpower; the military superpower. They do have very good short-range tracking equipment, and Hisao was unlucky enough to have American Fleet 7 Catalyse in just a sector away. They inevitably detected an IPCN corvette not registering with any mission logs. The destroyer gets dispatched, it has a better opportunity to scan the Ronin, and discovers it's the ship of a well-known criminal.

TL;DR: Hisao got unlucky.

Re: The Orion Project - [Sci-Fi] [UPDATED 07/23/2014]

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 3:20 pm
by Oddball
If you had just said the drugs or the medicine was wearing off instead of naming it "Solid Adrenaline", you would have stayed off a lot of confusion there.

later on, if it comes up again, you could make it more clear that solid adrenaline is just what it's called. Something along the line of "the mediocarcilate Stimuant 83 or as it's more commonly know Solid Adrenaline."

Re: The Orion Project - [Sci-Fi] [UPDATED 07/22/2014]

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 8:40 pm
by brythain
ParagonTerminus wrote:
Mirage_GSM wrote:
The Solid Adrenaline was wearing off now, replaced quickly by actual Adrenaline; synthetic being replaced by authentic.
I thought it wasn't really adrenaline but only something called adrenaline for whatever reason?
So that other ship didn't follow any signatures but just coincidentally popped out five kilometres away? In space?
Solid Adrenaline is effectively a mixture of various stimulants and chemicals, adrenaline being one of them. Think of it as Adrenaline+.

Also, I never said the destroyer Catalysed in randomly. The IPC is a military superpower; the military superpower. They do have very good short-range tracking equipment, and Hisao was unlucky enough to have American Fleet 7 Catalyse in just a sector away. They inevitably detected an IPCN corvette not registering with any mission logs. The destroyer gets dispatched, it has a better opportunity to scan the Ronin, and discovers it's the ship of a well-known criminal.

TL;DR: Hisao got unlucky.
See, this is why you need an editor. As I too have discovered when writing stuff, sometimes you understand what's going on so well that you make it impossible for your readers to engage similarly. How come none of this is easily accessible to the reader? Try to feed some of the backstory in gently, taking your time if necessary. Writing is a craft, and boy does it take effort… :)

Re: The Orion Project - [Sci-Fi] [UPDATED 07/23/2014]

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 10:20 pm
by Oscar Wildecat
...three steaming cups of machine-brewed tea in my hand...
I can't quite decide if this is a unforgivable error on the writer's part, or a sign of how hard life is for Engineer Lilly. :wink:

Seriously though, I like what I've read so far. It almost has the feel of a strange dream that one our Yamaku residents might have after a bit of movie watching. (Or perhaps, Yamaku Academy is the strange dream of one of the crew. I wonder if Rin would know; and, if she did, if she would tell...)

BTW, here's a website that all sorts of information for the aspiring sci-fi writer.

Re: The Orion Project - [Sci-Fi] [UPDATED 07/23/2014]

Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 4:07 am
by ParagonTerminus
Oscar Wildecat wrote:
...three steaming cups of machine-brewed tea in my hand...
I can't quite decide if this is a unforgivable error on the writer's part, or a sign of how hard life is for Engineer Lilly. :wink:

Seriously though, I like what I've read so far. It almost has the feel of a strange dream that one our Yamaku residents might have after a bit of movie watching. (Or perhaps, Yamaku Academy is the strange dream of one of the crew. I wonder if Rin would know; and, if she did, if she would tell...)

BTW, here's a website that all sorts of information for the aspiring sci-fi writer.
Well, it's real but it has an... Interesting, let's just say, time frame. But that's only gonna come if this survives at least a few months more.

@Brythain: I would get an editor, but all of my friends are either uninterested in writing or just shit at it. Writing help websites tend to have a lot of trolly bastards, so that'l he a last resort. I mean, if anyone wants to edit this, sure, but for now I'm stuck.

@Oddball: That's why the Galactic Knowledge Database existed, to remove confusion. However, by popular vote it was suspended, so I have to try and shoehorn explanations into the story.

Re: The Orion Project - [Sci-Fi] [UPDATED 07/23/2014]

Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 4:09 am
by ParagonTerminus
[CHAPTER 6]
[DOWNTIME]


Leaning back in my seat, I took a look at the primary screen of his captain station, which was currently displaying his location on the starmap, and an indicator of the Catalysation Engines' charge. It would take hours before the Ronin was going anywhere outside of this system.

The system itself was uninteresting; it was a small, three-planet solar system orbiting a red dwarf star. The only registered life included the mining colony on the surface of the planet the Ronin was currently orbiting, a volcanic Rimworld, and a small tracking station on a nearby moon, presumably where the security call had come from.

I needed a plan now. Where was I going? Originally I had been planning to Catalyse to the Coral system, but that destroyer's warp signature indicated it had come from there. That left me two options: go back to the Skully system from where he had Catalysed into that last sector of space, or continue onwards from Lamba-5 (as this area was called) to Feurel.

Skully would probably have IPCN ships searching for clues about me right now. Feurel, meanwhile...

I scowled. Feurel was a nice place; as nice as could be attributed to a Borderworld. That wasn't the issue. It was the matter of Rolex.

Rolex was the head of a massive criminal empire, with economic power rivalling the IPC itself. Named after some powerful artifact of the pre-Catalysation Era, Rolex ran practically every aspect of the underground. If you wanted to purchase any illegal item or service, it lead back to him in some way. Everyone who chose to operate without his sanction mysteriously dissapeared shortly after their appearance. Rolex even had the capability to build his own ramshackle military fleet: cobbled together from repurposed cargo vessels and parts of old warships, the Clubmen, as the fleet was called due to their objective of bullying people into submission, could definitely display a lot of power very easily. At the battle of New Alexandria, the Clubmen had successfully held off a large IPCN armada for three weeks, finally breaking only when the IPCN's Flagship Five, the Union, was deployed against them.

As might be easily seen, I didn't particularly want to be encountered by the massive Clubman garrison, especially due to the fact that I owed Rolex a fair amount of Coalition Ferrins. However, faced with the choices of a ramshackle fleet of drunken brigands and mercenaries in hundred-year-old fighters and rusty battleships against the might of the IPCN, the choice became dreadfully clear.

With nothing currently happening in the sector, I decided to take a stroll around and see what Lilly and Hanako were up to; no doubt recovering from the attack. When I got to the crew deck, an interesting sight hit me.

The two girls were in the lounge we were in before, talking in soft voices while sittingon beanbags. Hanako had apparently located my hidden stash of books; pre-Catalysation Era relics, rewritten on contemporary carbalcium palsr, save artifacts of old times. They were mainly deep and insightful classics, such as 1948 by Jorge Orville, or The Childhood Ends by King Arthur Clarkhe. However, I knew for a fact that I had at least one humorous book in there, and it seems Hanako had struck gold by locating Thank You, Jeavze by P.G. Woahdehaus; an odd representation of life in ancient times, but one that served many historians well.

Lilly, meanwhile, contented herself with running her fingers over one of the numerous Brayeele books we kept across the ship. While Brayeele was quickly being eradicated by new "miracle" prosthetics, our budget made that route impossible.

Reverting back to reality, it seemed the girls were discussing something in hushed tones, and rapidly cut out when they heard me approaching. Hanako, who had had the appearance of a scared stray cat who had been calmed with food, now reverted back to the scared animal look, her eyes widening slightly as she properly sized me up for the first time. I could feel her eyes gliding onto the Magrail in the holster at my hip. Painfully aware of this, I sat down and crossed my legs.

"So, what are you girls up to?" I asked, breaking the ice.

Lilly, oblivious to Hanako's nervousness, gave me a beaming smile. All her previous anger seemed to be gone. "Why hello, Hisao. Decides to join our little book club?"

I gave a brief chuckle. "Just taking a stroll around the ship. Also came to tell you girls that the Terrion Engines are recharging, but we'll be on our way to Feurel in a few hours."

Lilly visibly tensed up, and I was quick to add, "I'm aware of the implications, but at the moment, our choices are an entire IPCN Fleet Division or Rolex's men, and guess who's easier."

"I'm not happy about it."

"Neither am I. I would prefer to hide somewhere in the system, but if they can find us at least a sector away, then they can detect us behind a planet."

I took a glance at Hanako, who seemed to have shrunken back into her beanbag and had put the book closer to her face. This girl really doesn't like me, does she, I thought meekly.

Lilly gave a sigh. "Under the circumstances, you're right."

"Plus," I began, trying to fix the mood, "If we can get past the Clubmen we can land on Feurel and get some extra supplies. I've been considering selling one of the railguns for something heftier..."

I quickly realised her attention had drifted. She seemed to be looking right at Hanako, almost investigating her as if she could see. I soon saw that it wasn't actually an investigation, but a look of interest; Lilly had noticed something. I looked at Hanako's face and noticed that she was staring straight ahead, and a single tear rolled out from her left eye. I reviewed everything I had said: Clubmen, Feurel, IPCN Fleet Division, Rolex. What had set her off?"

"Lilly..." I muttered softly, but Lilly was already waving an impatient hand for me to leave. This was a task that involved womanly finesse. I stood up, dusted off my knees, gave a quick nod of "good luck" to Lilly, and walked out. As I strolled along, intending on checking the engineering section to see just how the overcharge had damaged our engines, I heard Lilly and Hanako talking in low voices, Hanako's voice sounding very teary.

I had barely turned the corner when I heard the sounds of sobbing and Lilly trying to hush her. There was something very volatile about this girl's psyche; so easy to set off. Something I had said had pushed her past the limit, but what? Rolex, Clubmen, Feurel, and an IPCN Fleet Division. I could think of hundreds of ways they could all make her have bad memories.

I would simply have to investigate.

Re: The Orion Project - [Sci-Fi] [UPDATED 07/25/2014]

Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 10:28 am
by Mirage_GSM
That's why the Galactic Knowledge Database existed, to remove confusion. However, by popular vote it was suspended, so I have to try and shoehorn explanations into the story.
There are two tricks to this:
1. Recognize what information is important for your readers to "get" the story and
2. Don't add too much Treknobabble. It's too easy to get caught up if you go overboard (see the adrenaline thing)
Hanako, whom had had the appearance of a scared stray cat
Two more things regarding this chapter:

1. It's a bit hard to believe that the writings of those authors (not sure who the third is supposed to be) survived but their names - which should be part of those writings - got mangled almost beyond recognition. If you say language has evolved in the meantime, that's fine, but why does that only show in those names and not in the dialogue of the characters? Usually it's assumed that the written story already transformed the future dialect into understandable language.
2. Braille is not a language, it is an alphabet... Several alphabets in fact. Japanese Braille is completely different from Latin Braille

Re: The Orion Project - [Sci-Fi] [UPDATED 07/25/2014]

Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 10:45 am
by ParagonTerminus
Mirage_GSM wrote:
That's why the Galactic Knowledge Database existed, to remove confusion. However, by popular vote it was suspended, so I have to try and shoehorn explanations into the story.
There are two tricks to this:
1. Recognize what information is important for your readers to "get" the story and
2. Don't add too much Treknobabble. It's too easy to get caught up if you go overboard (see the adrenaline thing)
Hanako, whom had had the appearance of a scared stray cat
Two more things regarding this chapter:

1. It's a bit hard to believe that the writings of those authors (not sure who the third is supposed to be) survived but their names - which should be part of those writings - got mangled almost beyond recognition. If you say language has evolved in the meantime, that's fine, but why does that only show in those names and not in the dialogue of the characters? Usually it's assumed that the written story already transformed the future dialect into understandable language.
2. Braille is not a language, it is an alphabet... Several alphabets in fact. Japanese Braille is completely different from Latin Braille
1. The writings are mangled, just that I'm not showing it for obvious reasons. Japanglish, a combination of Japanese and English, is about 80% English, with most of the names being Japanese. Much like Star Wars or Firefly, where there are different languages, it's of course translated into understandable English. Besides, this isn't thousands of years into the future, only about 120 or so. Other than the names, the language itself hasn't mangled much.

2. Corrected, thanks.