Relationships are complicated. Some more so than others.
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Chapter Five: Finding Balance
After dinner, Lynda retreated to the gardens, wandering around the shrubs, hedges, and ponds for a while. Eventually she found a simple concrete bench, surrounded by shrubs and a lone cherry tree, but still relatively close to the back patio. As the sun started to set, she lay down on the backless bench and closed her eyes, her legs sticking out over the other end as she rested in the shade.
Lynda sighed. Ever since the trip to town, she’d been mulling over what she and Hisao had talked about. It was grating on her more than she would have liked, and she knew she’d have to bring it up with Misha when they were alone. For the time being, though, she was fine lying on the bench and stewing in her emotions.
Lynda lost track of time on the bench, staring up at a few of the tree’s stray branches, their pink blossoms long replaced with simple green leaves. Alone in the peace of the backyard garden, Lynda once again found herself beginning to doze off. Before she ended up completely giving in to sleep, someone coughed loudly. Lynda opened her eyes and started moving her head to look around. It didn’t take long to see the source of the cough; Hideaki was standing several paces back from where her head was resting.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Jus’ tired,” Lynda replied in English.
“Mentally, physically, or emotionally?”
Lynda snorted, “All of the above. Also confused about your interest.”
Hideaki shrugged, “I’m bored. You’re not boring.”
Lynda gave a dry chuckle and muttered, “Story of my life, kid. Anyway, I appreciate the concern, but I’m fine.”
“Are you, or do you just not want to talk about it with some random teenager who has nothing better to do than bug the girlfriend of his sister’s best friend?”
Lynda blinked at Hideaki, “Have you ever considered a career in psychology?”
Hideaki shrugged, “Have you considered answering the question rather than constantly dodging it?”
Lynda shifted into a sitting position, resting her elbows on her legs as she eyed the young man, “…You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”
“…A bit. And you’re still dodging.”
Lynda sighed, “I don’t wanna talk about it… and that’s always the damn problem.”
Hideaki blinked, “I don’t follow.”
“It’s just…” Lynda raised an eyebrow, “You can keep things quiet, right?”
Hideaki nodded, “I’m not a snitch. Despite what those jerks in the kendo club might say.”
Lynda smirked for a moment, then frowned, sighed again, and explained, “I’m just worried my relationship with Misha is one-sided in some regards. Mainly in how much we know about each other’s pasts.”
“She’s spilled her guts to you, but you haven’t told her anything?” Hideaki guessed.
Lynda raised an eyebrow, “How’d you figure that?”
“You seem the type to keep things bottled up, and Misha’s… not.”
“Fair enough, I guess,” Lynda remarked, “To an extent, you’re right. When I do mention my past, it’s either drug out of me or slips out when I’m upset. Meanwhile, Misha’s told me stuff she’s probably only told Hisao, Shizune, her therapist, and
maybe the on-campus LGBT group.”
Hideaki nodded and adjusted his glasses, “People she trusts, in other words.”
Lynda raised an eyebrow at Hideaki, “Are you implying I don’t trust my girlfriend? Do you know what we’ve given up to be together?”
“Your home countries, for a start,” Hideaki replied.
“Well, it’s not that bad,” Lynda admitted, “In a way, I guess I gave up more to be with her than she did. Not that I regret it –I never really felt at home in Canada after… once I got older. Great, now I sound like even more of a bitch, for whining about what I sacrificed for our relationship. And I’m doing it with someone I barely know. No offense.”
“None taken. Though we don’t know each other very well, may I offer my two metaphorical cents?”
Lynda shrugged, “May as well.”
Hideaki adjusted his glasses again and slowly rubbed his chin in lethargic thought. After a little while, he lowered his hand and stated, “I don’t have a lot of expertise in this area, not counting the internet and the sparse conversations we’ve had together, but, I remember the words of a wise man who once said: ‘You have to look within yourself to save yourself from your other self. Only then will your true self reveal itself.’”
Lynda managed a weak smirk as she quipped, “You’re not gonna start raving about having to regain your honor, are you?”
Hideaki shook his head, “All I’m saying is… well, for one, it doesn’t really matter what either of you sacrificed to be together, because in the end you are together, and that’s what’s important.”
Lynda slowly nodded, “As cliché as that sounds, I’ll take it. What else you got?”
“Misha said what she said when she was ready to say it. When you’re ready to say it, you’ll say it.”
Lynda sighed, “But why aren’t I ready?”
Hideaki shrugged, “Only you can answer that. Maybe you are, it just hasn’t come up, because Misha doesn’t want to upset you by bringing things up. Or she doesn’t care –she’s that type of person to.”
Lynda raised an eyebrow, “What type?”
“The type to love someone for who they are, not what they were.”
“…You lurk on teen girl forums, don’t you?”
“I am under no obligation to answer that.”
Lynda chuckled and straightened up, resting her hands in her lap, “So this isn’t a big deal and I’m just over-thinking it?”
“It’s possible,” Hideaki said, “You are an academic, after all. Hisao does the same thing, sometimes.”
Lynda smirked, “Here’s hoping. I do need to talk to Misha about it, though. To give me some peace of mind, if nothing else. Thanks, Hideaki, that helped a lot.”
Hideaki bowed, “Pleased to be of service. But now I must go, for I am needed elsewhere.”
“Before I forget,” Lynda said, then looked around to make sure they were alone. Once she was sure they were, she continued, “the next time you’re in the kitchen, you might wanna check behind the ice trays in the freezer.”
Hideaki raised an eyebrow, “Any particular reason?”
Lynda smirked, “An… anonymous benefactor may have left something there you’ll appreciate.”
Hideaki looked thoughtfully at Lynda for a second, nodded once, and shuffled back to the house. He had barely vanished from Lynda’s view when Misha appeared, looking around the now shadowless gardens. When she spotted Lynda, she bounded over to the bench and plopped herself down next to her partner.
“Hey,” she greeted, “You okay~?”
Lynda nodded, “Just tired, and thinking. And getting tired from thinking.”
Misha scooted over to the edge of the bench and patted her thigh. Lynda smiled and lay back down, using Misha’s leg as a pillow. Still smiling, Lynda closed her eyes and relaxed against the warmth of Misha’s body.
Misha looked thoughtfully at her resting partner, not wanting to disturb her when she looked so beautifully relaxed, but, also getting the sense she was holding something in. she hadn’t spoken much since leaving town, and had wandered off on her own right after dinner. Just like her, when Lynda felt like brooding, she usually did it somewhere with a lot of plants and fresh air. Or least someplace to lie down and close their eyes.
Her curiosity and concern for her partner won out, so, as she started stroking Lynda’s dark hair, Misha asked, “What were you thinking about so much~?”
Lynda sighed, “…Us.”
“What about us?”
Too tired to deflect and too comfortable to just leave, Lynda opened her eyes. Looking intently into Misha’s amber orbs, she stated, “Ask me something.”
Misha tilted her head, “Huh?”
“About my past,” Lynda replied, “Ask me something. Something personal. Something you’ve wanted to ask, but didn’t because you didn’t expect me to ever answer, or were afraid of the answer, or knew you’d have to drag out of me.”
“…Huh?”
Lynda sighed, “Please, Shiina. Just do it.”
Misha looked up, off into the darkening gardens, pondering what to ask, while also wondering why Lynda wanted her to ask something in the first place. Feeling Lynda’s eyes watching her, Misha mulled over possible questions. There were a lot of things she wanted to know about Lynda’s past, but asking them would only upset her, at least, they would have before.
Before she ended up confusing herself in a circle of thought that led nowhere, Misha picked something that she had been wondering for a while, but was never sure what to do about if Lynda answered. If Lynda was willing to answer the question, maybe she would be willing to deal with the fallout.
Question ready, Misha looked down at Lynda’s expectant gaze and asked, “Do you miss sex with men?”
Lynda raised an eyebrow, “That’s your question.”
Misha pouted, “It’s a legitimate question~!”
“Fair enough,” Lynda looked away from Misha, at the small little lamps that began to glow along the garden paths, and started thinking the question over.
Misha patiently waited for an answer, still nonplussed at Lynda’s willingness to be asked in the first place. After a few moments of silent contemplation, Lynda looked back up at Misha.
“Honestly?” Lynda asked. She waited for Misha to raise an eyebrow and nod before replying, “Kinda.”
“I… don’t know what to do with that,” Misha admitted, “I’m… uh… why the sudden demand for me to ask you something?”
Lynda smirked at Misha’s efforts to recover from her question, but she wasn’t quite ready to let it go, “You don’t have to do anything, okay? I love you, and you love me, and that’s all that matters. Although, if you’d be game for a three-way, I wouldn’t be averse to the idea…”
Misha chuckled, although she still wasn’t sure how to take Lynda’s answer. She had been honest though, and if it was a problem down the road, Misha knew they could handle it.
“You don’t resent me, do you?” Lynda asked.
“Of course not!” Misha declared, “I’m still confused why you wanted me to ask something, though.”
Lynda sighed and closed her eyes, “I don’t think it’s fair that you’ve spilled your guts to me, but when you ask anything about my history, you either have to drag it out or I straight up refuse.”
“Oh,” Misha said.
When Misha didn’t say anything more, Lynda opened one eye, “That’s it? You don’t think it’s unfair or one-sided? At all?”
Misha’s face formed into what Lynda considered an adorable, thoughtful expression. After a few moments of contemplation, Misha shrugged and replied, “I never really thought about. You’ve always told me stuff when you were ready, and that’s fine with me~.”
Lynda opened her other eye, “But it is unfair, right? That you were ready to open up to me, and I’m still not really ready to open up to you?”
Misha smiled down at Lynda, her hand still stroking her silky, raven hair, “It sounds like you’re more upset about this than I am~.”
Lynda opened her mouth, closed it, blinked dumbly for a moment, then grunted, “Huh. Fair point. So I’m just over-thinking this?”
Misha nodded, “I told you everything because I trust you. When you trust yourself, you’ll tell me everything~.”
Lynda smirked and muttered, “Everyone’s a psychologist today.”
Misha raised an eyebrow, “If you want me to say I resent you for missing men or not telling me every sordid, perverted, shameful thing you’ve done over the last five years, you won’t hear me say that. You’re not keeping secrets from me, you’re just not ready to tell me about all the things that have hurt you over the years. It’s not easy to do that, and we both know that. I understand you’re unwillingness not to tell me, and I know you will eventually.
“You’ve already told me lots of things, and I’ve seen the pain and felt the guilt when I asked and asked until you finally answered. But you did answer, you will answer, and you will tell me when you’re ready. Okay~?”
“Well, when you put it that way… okay.”
Misha smiled, then gave Lynda a mischievous look as she mused, “You know, maybe if we ask Henry really~ nice~lmm-”
Lynda shot up to cut off Misha’s quip. She had meant only to give her a quick kiss to distract her, but Misha’s mouth had been open, and Lynda couldn’t resist using her tongue. Misha moaned lightly and leaned into the kiss, well aware of Lynda’s warmth next to her own and on her thigh. As the two stayed locked together, the proximity of Lynda’s body made Misha’s warm as well, and she could feel Lynda’s body have a similar reaction.
When the two finally broke apart, Lynda looked into Misha darkened, amber eyes, knowing her own brown ones, usually bright and eager, were also sharp with desire.
Licking her lips and feeling their body heat building and pooling, Lynda asked, “Did we have anything planned for after dinner?”
Misha grinned and licked her teeth, “I think we do now.”
+++
Next Chapter
As my sex scene quota for the year has been filled, I won’t be writing another one for this story. Most likely.
Apparently Hideaki was a wizened mentor in a former life. And leader of the Fire Nation.
Also, I tried really hard to make sure I got the lay/lie thing write, and I
think I got it (since lay seems to be a past tense version of lie in certain instances.) Here’s hoping.
) that way. Keeping the noise down and all that. Besides that, it was well done. As for the regular chapter, I enjoyed it. Not too much to say on it, besides Hideaki's(could never remember how to spell his name) bagel bite comments. Those were great.
.