Inspired by the Katawa Shoujo Achievements thread, over on Public Discussion.
That thread was doomed to derail from Day One, and I'm surprised it's still kinda-almost-maybe on topic.
Edit: Well, was.
This Will All End In Tears
Ship Potato with Hanako
Hanako fidgets uncomfortably under the gaze of her new classmate.
She had been sitting alone in the Library enjoying a freshly imported book, a new copy of
The Petals Fall Twice, when the boy found her. He had done nothing but stand a metre away and stare at her for the last fifteen minutes.
Hanako was scared.
Oh, so very scared.
“Oi, bacontits,” Potato's sudden ice-breaker catches her off guard, and she visibly jumps. She slowly lowers the book from covering her face to meet his eyes. His handsomely chiseled jaw and well-groomed neckbeard makes Hanako feel all gooey inside, but she has to maintain strong. Lilly had said it was her 'only chance of pulling a lad'.
“Y-yes, Potato?”
Potato squats before her, bringing his face mere centimetres from her own.
“I want you, babeh,”
“I- Uhh... I j-just ca.. ummm...” Hanako stutters uncontrollably at the proximity of her lips to her crush's eyebrows.
Potato grins and softly takes Hanako's chin in his hand, finally bridging the gap and planting a gentle kiss on her bacon-clad cheek.
- - -
Is this really happening? Is Potato... The Potato... kissing ugly old me?
Disbelief races through Hanako's mind, as the man she has pined for begins to lovingly scrape his front teeth against her scars. Years of sexual deprivation and emotion take hold of her and she drops the book, in favour of her new lover's manbreasts.
Ever since day one, Hanako has enjoyed the sight of the strange new student. He had been transferrred to Yamaku after losing testicle a freak accident involving a fish and a forklift truck and was placed in Class 3-3 because Lezzard died, or something like that. On his first day, he had deficated in public, defenestrated a rabbit and inadvertently punched Lilly in the face... but most importantly, he had won her heart.
“Je vais alle a la piscine,” Hanako didn't know any French, but she loves to hear him say it. She moans lightly between kisses and guides his hand to her skirt. She knows what trouble they could get in to here, but she doesn't care. It
is Potato, after all. Best poster on the Forums, yaknow.
Potato hoarsely whispers more Beginner-level French phrases into her ear, sending Hanako wild with desire. His hands find her thighs and he begins caressing her. “J'ai un chien...”
[SCENE REDACTED]
– – –
“Oh, Potato, you've made me feel things no man has ever before!”
The two star cross'd lovers lay breathless in the centre of the auditorium, covered in bodily fluids and raw shrimp. Potato chuckles and rolls to face Hanako.
“Best part was I only used one of my legs!”
Hanako pulls him into one last, long kiss. She never wants the night to end, but alas the football starts in fifteen minutes and Potato has a ¥2000 bet placed on Accrington Stanley Football Team. He cups her face and leaves her with another romantic kiss before standing and leaving, ignoring the stares from students and staff halfway through an assembly.
Hanako looks up to the camera and gives an exaggerated shrug
“Who else but Potato?!”
The Studio Audience laugh through the credits.
I'm so sorry