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Re: Enjoy The Silence (Ch. 4 2014-01-30)

Posted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 9:16 am
by Oscar Wildecat
I'm enjoying the hell out of this one. And not just because of the song references. (Yes, I'm a Rush fan as well.)

Re: Chapter 4 (in which I refer to a non-Depeche Mode song)

Posted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 12:32 pm
by dewelar
All indications aside, the only reason I can think of for Hanako inviting Akira along is that, even if only subconsciously, she wants Shizune to find out about her and Hisao. That would by Quite Interesting.
NekoDude wrote:
bhtooefr wrote:«An ill wind comes arising...»
«The world weighs on my shoulders, but what am I to do? You sometimes drive me crazy, but I worry about you.»
Aaaand... cue the Rush fans. I know you're out there.
RED ALERT

:mrgreen:
I know it makes no difference to what Hanako is going through, but I've seen the tip of the iceberg, and I worry about her, too.

Re: Chapter 4 (in which I refer to a non-Depeche Mode song)

Posted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 1:35 pm
by bhtooefr
dewelar wrote:All indications aside, the only reason I can think of for Hanako inviting Akira along is that, even if only subconsciously, she wants Shizune to find out about her and Hisao. That would by Quite Interesting.
Sometimes a pipe is just a pipe...

Re: Chapter 4 (in which I refer to a non-Depeche Mode song)

Posted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 2:30 pm
by dewelar
bhtooefr wrote:
dewelar wrote:All indications aside, the only reason I can think of for Hanako inviting Akira along is that, even if only subconsciously, she wants Shizune to find out about her and Hisao. That would by Quite Interesting.
Sometimes a pipe is just a pipe...
No one knows that better than I do :) , but I was surprised that Hanako didn't make the Akira->Shizune connection until this last chapter. At the very least, she would know that Akira and Hideaki are very close, so she had to know she was taking a big risk.

Re: Enjoy The Silence (Ch. 4 2014-01-30)

Posted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 3:14 pm
by Mirage_GSM
Actually I didn't make the connection either (and if anyone else did, they didn't comment in this thread) because I forgot that Hisao met Akira in Shizune's route.
I'm probably still subconsciously denying Shizune and Lilly being cousins^^°

Re: Enjoy The Silence (Ch. 4 2014-01-30)

Posted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 3:46 pm
by Oddball
I have to say, this isn't the direction I probably would have taken, but it is quite interesting.

Re: Enjoy The Silence (Ch. 4 2014-01-30)

Posted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 4:17 pm
by dewelar
Mirage_GSM wrote:Actually I didn't make the connection either (and if anyone else did, they didn't comment in this thread) because I forgot that Hisao met Akira in Shizune's route.
This is actually the first look I've had at this story. Knowing the premise, I wanted to wait until a few chapters in before reading, because bhtooefr's stories tend to be a bit dark for my taste and I wanted to give it a chance to develop a bit before judging it this time. Surprisingly, this one might actually be his least dark to date :) . Chapters are a bit short, but that's nitpicking. Will continue to check in on it periodically.
I'm probably still subconsciously denying Shizune and Lilly being cousins^^°
*laughs*

Re: Enjoy The Silence (Ch. 4 2014-01-30)

Posted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 10:14 pm
by NekoDude
dewelar wrote:This is actually the first look I've had at this story. Knowing the premise, I wanted to wait until a few chapters in before reading, because bhtooefr's stories tend to be a bit dark for my taste and I wanted to give it a chance to develop a bit before judging it this time. Surprisingly, this one might actually be his least dark to date :) .
It's funny, but for having so many Depeche Mode references in it, it really isn't that dark. (And yes, I will take the blame for leading him into the black pit of despair that is the DM repertoire. But I also take credit for leading him to Rush.)

Chapter 5 (...ceci n'est pas une pipe)

Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 5:59 am
by bhtooefr
As the music stops, Akira speaks up. “Hey, I’ve gotta go to the little girl’s room. Hanako, do you need to too?”

Why would she even ask… Oh, she doesn’t need to go there at all. She wants to talk.

“Wh… y… y-yeah, s-sure.”

“Sorry, Hisao, guess you’re alone for now without our company, we’ll be back in a few…”

I follow Akira to the restroom, and as soon as I enter, she blocks the door to prevent my escape. Oh crap. “Hisao isn’t just your friend, is he?”

Klaxons go off inside my head. «Red alert, red alert.» However, she’s never been mean to me, so I decide to fight through the anxiety. “W-wh-what?”

“I saw how you two were looking at each other, even though he was keeping his distance from you, and how both of you reacted when I mentioned Shizune. So, spill. What’s going on?”

Well. We’re busted.

I let out a sigh. I’m actually conflicted here. Akira’s the closest thing to a friend I have other than Hisao, and it’d be nice to be able to talk to someone else about this. On the other hand… I’m terrified to say anything to anyone, both because of the possible repercussions for Hisao, and maybe even Shizune taking it out on me if she finds out. And then, part of me wants Shizune to find out, so she breaks up with Hisao…

I decide to tell her. It seems that we’re in this restroom until I explain SOMETHING that she believes, anyway, and might as well go with the truth, it’s easier to keep consistent if nothing else.

“I’m not even s-sure what’s g-going on between us, and H-Hisao avoids it if I-I-I bring it up.”

She leans back against the wall. “Sooooo… start from the beginning, then.”

“Al… alright.” I take a deep breath, and let it out slowly, trying to push my anxiety away. It doesn’t really work, but I force myself through it anyway.

I explain how Hisao approached me, needing a friend. I tell Akira about our first time. I tell her about Hisao’s relationship with Shizune, and how they’ve never actually seemed close, even though he supposedly loves her. I even tell her about how we’re spending almost every waking minute together that we can, and it seems like half of that, we’re having sex. I tell her about how damn comfortable it is for me to be around Hisao, and how much he relaxes around me, too. I tell her about how he changes in public, though. And, I tell her about what happened on the way here. By the end, the tears are flowing quickly. It surprises me that I was able to be that open about all of that, but Akira doesn’t seem to be judging me for it. I was expecting to be called a slut, a whore, a bitch, and all sorts of countless names that I’ve even called myself at first, when this started.

She walks over to me, and rests her hand on my shoulder. “Well, kid, you’ve certainly got a… situation on your hands, that’s for sure. You want my advice?”

That’s not the kind of question that someone expects a no to, so I reply, “y-y-yes.”

“Shizune… when she gets her mind set on something, she has a habit of forgetting about everything else, and especially everyone else. Unfortunately for Hisao, it seems she’s got her mind set on taking over the family business.”

“Wh… why are you telling me this?”

“Because I think he doesn’t even realize that he’s throwing something good away, chasing after something that doesn’t exist, and I’m sure he won’t listen to a word I say about her, he’s too stubborn. He’d have to be, to fall for Shizune. And I tried to get her to break things off with Hisao, but she’s too stubborn, too, she thinks she can keep things up with him, when it’s clear that she doesn’t give a damn about him. Honestly, I think she’s just ‘staying’ with him to piss off dear old Jigoro, at this point.” Akira darkly chuckles.

Wait a minute. ‘Something good.’ Is… Akira suggesting what I think she’s suggesting? That I’m not the only one that thinks I’d be better for Hisao than Shizune is?

“I think if he sees what he’s losing by staying with Shizune, though, he may just be swayed. Besides, you should have more pride in yourself. Don’t stand for him treating you like that, he needs to make up his mind.” She winks at me.

I nod slightly at her, understanding what she’s suggesting, finally. “Th-thanks, Akira.” I hug her tightly.

“Any time, kiddo. Hey, if you need anything, give me a call, ‘k?”

“S-sure, thanks.” I smile at her, and then head back to our booth, knowing what I’ll have to do when we get back to the dorms. Might as well sing one last song with the time we’ve got left, though. It’s my turn to pick, so let’s see… no… no… ah. Yes. This. It’s more than a little mean to Hisao, but it fits too well. It’s not like he’ll understand the lyrics anyway...

"«But what's the meaning
The meaning of love?

From the notes that I've made so far
Love seems something like wanting a scar
Well I could be wrong
I'm just not sure you see
I've never been in love before»"

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Re: Enjoy The Silence (Ch. 5 2014-01-31)

Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 6:10 am
by bhtooefr
I'd just like to note that the line, "And then, part of me wants Shizune to find out, so she breaks up with Hisao…" was not actually inspired by dewelar's comment. It's in the original revision of this chapter, that I did on the 3rd of this month - the day I started writing this story.

Oh, and chapter length is short, probably due to a combination of this format and my desire to be concise and not show the boring detail. Basically, I use a chapter break as a timeskip. It may not help that one of my influences is Questionable Content, and webcomics have to be very short yet convey a lot (but also get the advantage of art to convey more), or the plotlines feel like they're dragging.

Re: Enjoy The Silence (Ch. 5 2014-01-31)

Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 9:27 am
by Oscar Wildecat
...I think he doesn't even realize that he’s throwing something good away, chasing after something that doesn't exist...
Ah. Something that happens all to often in real life as well as fan fiction. I'll also toss out a suggestion that Hisao here may be afraid to "fish or cut bait", as the old saying goes.

Re: Enjoy The Silence (Ch. 5 2014-01-31)

Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 1:12 pm
by dewelar
bhtooefr wrote:I'd just like to note that the line, "And then, part of me wants Shizune to find out, so she breaks up with Hisao…" was not actually inspired by dewelar's comment. It's in the original revision of this chapter, that I did on the 3rd of this month - the day I started writing this story.
In that case...ahem..."called it!" :wink:

Seriously, though, this chapter officially moves this fic from "will check in on" to "will make sure to read as it comes out."

Re: Enjoy The Silence (Ch. 5 2014-01-31)

Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 3:20 pm
by Mavensage
I wouldn't be surprised if Shizune through whatever means already knows about Hanako. If she did then she could still be keeping him around to piss off Jigoro or she doesn't want him but is staying with him to make him torment himself or she will use it against him in the future.

Unfortunately for Hanako an absent rival can be almost as bad as a dead one. She is competing with an image in his head and not the day to day reality. He would have to somehow see that the image and reality don't match.

Hanako may not realize that she has effectively already won. If she supports him, even if she demands better treatment, it won't take too long of being bossed around or ignored by Shizune to see what he has already.

If he has a health crisis, I wonder who will come running?

Chapter 6

Posted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 5:24 am
by bhtooefr
“How about a nice game of chess?”

As much as I want to follow Akira’s advice, and refuse Hisao… I give in. “S-sure. Y-your room or mine?” Maybe I can talk to him over the game of chess.

“I was practicing earlier, so I’ve got my board mostly set up…”

His room it is, then. Good, that means that I can leave on my terms.

We walk the rest of the way to his dorm room in silence, and I take my seat across from Hisao. He finishes setting up the pieces, giving himself white as usual.

“H-Hisao? I’d like to play wh-white this time.” I figure that if I’m going to take the lead in where our relationship goes, I might as well take the lead on the chessboard as well. Hisao nods, and we carefully rotate the board so that white is on my side. I make my first move.

1. Nc3

He quickly responds.

… e5

I open my mouth to say something, and my throat tightens. He looks at me, worried. I close my mouth and make my next move. Both white knights are now in play.

2. Nf3 Nc6

“H… Hisao… we need to talk... about us.”

3. d4

Hisao grimaces, and responds only by moving his next piece, and taking mine.

… exd4

“Wh… what exactly are we?”

4. Nxd4 Nf6

“I… I never know what to think about us…”

5. Bg5

“What is there to think? We’re friends with benefits.” Hisao’s tone indicates that he doesn’t want me to go there, and he places the pawn with just a little too much force.

… d5

«I can learn to resist… anything but frustration…»


Unfortunately for him, I’m going to go there. Quietly, I mutter, “Y-you’re supposed to treat friends like they’re actually friends in public…”

6. e4

"I told you, I don't want Shizune to know about us."

... Be7

"She's four hours away. H-how would she even kn-know?"

7. Bb5

"There's eyes everywhere, can't be too careful. Besides, what the hell was that with Akira? You know damn well that she's related to Shizune..."

... Bd7

«I can learn to persist… with anything but aiming low.»


"And y-you were saying that I sound too much like Setou? And maybe I wanted to meet someone who is an actual f-friend." That came out a little more bitter than I intended it...

8. exd5

Hisao takes a deep breath. "It's just... we need to be more careful, OK? I don't want this to get back to Shizune."

... Nxd5

"What exactly are you afraid of? It's not like you talk to h-her anyway."

9. Nxd5

He looks down at the chessboard, and sighs, before making his move.

... Bxg5

"It's been, what, a m-month since y-you talked to her? S-since you talked to your g-girlfriend?" I lift my hand off of my queen. "Check."

10. Qe2+

"She's been... busy. That doesn't mean that we're not still together."

... Ne7

"When... when was the last time she told you that she l-loves you?"

11. Qe5

The color drains from his face at that. Has... has she ever told him that she loves him? He wordlessly takes my bishop.

... Bxb5

«I can learn to close my eyes… to anything but injustice.»


"What happens if she actually isn't in l-love with you? If she d-doesn't even care? Check."

12. Nxc7+ Kf8

"D-do you even know wh-what you a-actually have? Check."

13. Nde6+

He has to know that he's beaten at this point, in more ways than one. He has to know... but he keeps on fighting. "I have a girlfriend that I love, and once we graduate, we'll be back together." Denial, I see.

... fxe6

Well, there's only one thing left to try. "Hi... Hisao... I... I l-love you." I place my knight. "Check."

14. Ne6+

There's only two places that he can go now, and one of them will lead to an instant checkmate next turn. He doesn't respond to my confession, and instead just makes his move.

... Ke8

«I can learn to get along... with all the things I don't know.»


I inhale, then exhale. This is going to be hard. I pick up the white knight, and use it to knock his queen off the board. "Let... let me know when you've f-figured out who your real g-girlfriend was." Really, this game is basically over now. I stand up, as I don't want to play any more. I'm heading for the door.

15. Nxd8

I look back, and see a defeated Hisao tipping over his king. It hurts to see that, but at the same time, I know it had to happen. I leave in silence.

... 1-0

«I am not blind
You got to put me right
If someone out of sight
Is all you're waiting for,
I need to know.»


I start to head towards my dorm room, and then think better of it. I pull out my phone.

"Hanako? What's up?"

I take a deep breath. "Akira... I... I don't... I don't want to be alone tonight."

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Re: Enjoy The Silence (Ch. 6 2014-02-01)

Posted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 6:38 am
by Lost In The Fire
This has been my favorite chapter to date. I have to say that I quite enjoyed the use of the chess moves between the bits of narration.

Looks like Hanako has placed the ball in Hisao's court. I'm really interested in seeing where that goes, in addition to the upcoming interactions with Akira.

Well done.