Katawa Shoujo Forums

Like dewelar said - if you left out the "flatter" the sentence would read "My voice is far assertive than I had intended." which obviously makes no sense.

Instead of asking who he ends up with. Ask who he ends up with first.
...
I haven't even decided on the first girl yet.

Hmm... sounds like you made more long-term plans for this story that short term ones.
Usually it's best to do it the other way around. Just saying...

What's wrong with long term ;-; ...

Well, let me use an easy to understand analogy:
It's a bit like planning to make a lot of money when you're grown up without having the slightest idea what job you might want to do.

You mean we're not supposed to do that? Damn... whelp been up about 50 hours straight now and finished a good anime with a shitty ending. It's always the ending that ruins it... going to go attempt to cry myself to sleep now, ta ta for now!

It's on OC story. Don't close the browser just yet.

Well, what do you know? This line actually works; it was a close call, but it did the trick. I have to keep that in mind.

So far so good. I especially enjoyed the scene with Rin. We shall see how well you fare when our hero is thrust into a scene with a bit more characters (*cue ominous laughter*), but I'm rather optimistic.
As for the protagonist being foreign, I do not know if it's the case here, but (research or no research) I found that we authors usually screw less things up if we and the main character(s) share some similarities regarding culture and/or profession. This is especially true in a setting like Japan: Case in point, I was about to mention that Kohta asking a senior member of the staff to call him by his first name is perhaps not the most polite thing to do, but him not being Japanese excused his actions only a few sentences later.

It's more like meet, do whatever, life lesson, then reset. Like KS, or Clannad.

Ahh, you're quite right. I always have trouble with multiple quantitative adverbs.

I wouldn't say I haven't planned for the short-term. I already have so many starting points I can do, it's just a matter of making the decision of which one to do first.

I try to resist it. I shield my ears with my hands, trying to drown out the maddening tolling of the bell. It's no use, the sound resonates through me and I can hear it with every fibre of my being. My whole world is absorbed in darkness and silence as I wait expectantly for the next chime. It rings once more, chipping away at my sanity slowly. Then, silence... I hesitate. Is it over?

The bell rings once more.

That's it! I reach across, searching blindly for the source of the ringing. Finally, after knocking over several objects, my hand finds its prize.

I'll see you in hell, you piece of shit.

I slam the alarm clock against the night-stand and throw it onto the floor. It lets out one final, distorted ring in defiance before it dies.

Once again my world returns to its peaceful state. The bed is warm and soft around me, cocooning me safely in my own little world. I feel myself drift off once again.


* * *


I sit upright in my bed, reaching my arms above my head in an attempt to remove some of the stiffness in my back. What time is it? I look to my nightstand.

Oh, that's right. I murdered my alarm clock earlier.

I search through my various bags that I had yet to unpack. My hand finally knocks against my phone. I snatch it up and check the time. Damn it, it's mid day already. I lay back and sigh. Looking around at my new surroundings, I notice that this room is substantially smaller than my previous one. However, the plain walls and large window give it a very open feel.

Opening the window allows a chilling breeze to pass through. I keep forgetting that the seasons are different here. I gaze down at the phone again. No texts. Two missed calls? Who tried to call me nine p.m Saturday? Hang on...

I slept a whole fucking day!

I nearly fall over trying to pull my pants on in a rush.

I don't have a moment to waste. At this rate, by the time I get to looking around the place, it'll be time to go to school. I pull on my shirt and rush out the door.

Shit, it's lunchtime. Screw it, I'll just bring money with me. After grabbing my wallet, I make my way out of my room and down the stairwell determined not to waste any more time. I walk past the common room that I had barely noticed a night ago. Briefly glancing into the room, I catch the sight of a couple of boys watching TV. With a strong push the door to the building swings open. Where should I go first?

Food.

I need food.

I haven't eaten since lunch two days ago. My stomach groans. I round several corners, I will find a vending machine, even if it kills me. Another groan. Which it might.

Pay day!

The two vending machines I've found are filled with various drinks and packaged foods. I recognise some of the words, but can't seem to decipher half the items on offer. I decide on a drink in a purple can, that I figure is most likely grape, and a packet of something orange.

"Ha. You're brave."

I freeze just before digging into my "meal" and turn to the direction of the voice. To my surprise there is a male student, probably my age, though a fair bit shorter leaning against the wall opposite the vending machines. He's got one hand in his pocket, and the other firmly holding a cane for support. Was he there when I got here? How long has he been watching me before making his presence known? I shudder a little. My mind snaps back into reality as I remember he had spoken to me. "Uhhh, what do you mean?"

He flicks his head back to look at the sealing, letting his messy brown hair fall back from his forehead. "Not a lot of people would willingly put themselves in danger by ingesting those. But it seems you're a lot braver than them."

I squint at the boy. Is he trying to mess with me? Screw it, I'm hungry. I accept his challenge and open the packet. The unidentifiable snack in front of me resembles Styrofoam covered in some sort of orangey-red powder. I take one and place it in my mouth warily. It's some sort of puffed rice covered in a sweet chilli power. Not bad. I eat another. And another. And, oh holy shit. That burns like a bitch. Christ! I take a long swig of my grape drink, and haunch forward in a coughing fit.

"I warned you." I look back to the boy. He's facing straight ahead of him, with his eyes closed in what seems like a practised pose.

"And I should have listened... What the hell is this stuff? Poison?" Maybe Kenji was right. Maybe someone is trying to poison me?

"Americans are so clueless," he says in a smug tone.

"That may be true. But I'm Australian."

He hums in contemplation. "Hmmm. New student?" He opens his eyes once again and looks directly at me.

"Yeah. I got here a couple of days ago," I reply.

"What's your name?"

"Nakata Kohta." I stretch my arm out to shake his hand.

"Hayashi Akio." he reciprocates my hand shake. "It's a pleasure."

He pauses for a moment before speaking again. "Hey, if you like. I can show you around the school. I've only been here a year myself, but I've got the place worked out."

"Sure, lead the way," the appreciation in my voice is audible.

Hayashi pushes himself off the wall, leaning completely against his cane now. As he begins to walk away, I notice how much weight he puts on his cane. He doesn't have any visible limp, so perhaps the pressure causes him pain or something?

"You coming Nakata, or are you looking to buy more of those," he says, putting emphasis on 'those'.

"Oh, sorry Hayashi." I hope he didn't realise I was staring.

"Please, call me Akio."

"And finally, this, my friend, is the literature club's room." He over dramatically gestures for me to proceed.

The room is spectacular. The dull walls are covered by shelves full of books of various shapes, sizes and colours. There is a large table in the middle of the room with several chairs stacked off to the side next to a lone beanbag. The room smells of books, new and old. There is a single window on the left which seems to illuminate the whole room.

"This used to be a storeroom, you know?" He walks across the room, stopping in front of the window. He begins to stare out of it.

"It was used to store all of the old books from the library. We convinced the librarian to let us use it. It took some cleaning and re-organising of course. But it was worth it."

His over the top monologue is quite amusing. Akio is a strange guy. Ever since I've met him, all of his actions have felt rehearsed and thought out. I can't tell if he's just a dramatic person, or if this is some kind of façade.

He turns away from the window to face me. "Well, what do you think?"

"The room is nice," I reply. If I had to describe it in one word, I'd say 'comfortable'.

"So, have you considered joining the literature club?" His tone of voice is akin to that of a salesman trying to sell me an overpriced sound system.

To be honest, I wouldn't mind spending more time in this room. "I'll think about it."

"Good, good," he says leaving the window, walking slowly as he scans the book shelves.

"Hey, Kohta. May I ask you something?"

"Okay, shoot."

"Why are you here?" He asks gingerly. "If you don't mind me asking? It's just that, you don't have anything visibly wrong with you."

"I don't mind. It's my liver. I was..." I cut myself off. "It stopped working around the middle of last year. The whole things pretty shaky, so until I get a transplant I could have any number of complications."

"Ahhh. Do you miss your friends? You know, in Australia?"

"Some of them. Why?" I reply, unsure why he is asking me these questions.

"Growing up, I never had friends. Not because I didn't want any, but because of my condition. I've got Osteoporosis, so my bones are fairly brittle. I never could play with other kids most of the time. During those times I did have one thing though. Books." Akio pauses for a moment in his signature 'eyes-closed' pose.

He opens his eyes and turns to face me. "It's getting late, you start heading back to your room, unless you want to sleep through your first day of school." He gives me a weak smile.

"Okay. I'll, see you tomorrow."

I turn around and leave, shutting the door behind me. As far as I can tell Akio is a good person, and I'm glad to have him as my friend. But what was that? Why'd he tell me that stuff? I've known him for less than a day. Oh well, I guess it doesn't really matter. I've still got school to worry about. Since I've got here I've only met around four people, so I'm not exactly sure what to expect from tomorrow.

Oh well, couldn't be too bad.

Mnnnnnngh.

Damn, I woke up before my alarm, guess I must be nervous about today. What time is it anyway? I fumble to pick my phone up from the night stand.

Shit! School starts in three minutes.

I launch out of bed not looking to waste any time. I whip on my school uniform, grab a piece of dry bread and my bag. I finish the bread between my bedroom and the bathroom. I brush my teeth in a rush. After gargling some mouth wash, I take the time to look at myself in the mirror.

Ashen hair, slightly swept to the sides, very light blue eyes, fairly pale skin, and light stubble. Add my height to all that and I must stand out a lot here. Well, as much as you can stand out in a school for the disabled.

I switch the light off, lock my room and make my way to class.


* * *


The halls of the school are completely empty. The silence is oppressive, only being broken by the echo of my footsteps. I feel pretty damn uncomfortable. And the art on the walls, Jesus. I'm not sure who painted these things, but they look terrible.

Well, this is it, classroom 3 - 3.

I reach out and open the door, my hand shaking slightly. Entering I begin to scan the classroom. Good, no one has started working yet.

Holy shit.

My eyes are instantly drawn to a pair of metallic legs in the front row. My eyes dart away, desperately trying to distract themselves. Unfortunately my eyes lock onto a girl who's right arm ends in a stub. How did those things happen? How did they...

No. I need to stop thinking.

Thank God, I manage to spot Akio in the back row. I'm about to make my way over to him when a sudden movement catches my eye.

There's a girl next to him. She'd moved her hand to cover her face. I follow her hand down to her wrist and then across her face with my eyes.

Jesus Christ.

She has severe burns to the right side of her face. They're on her hand and wrist too. I wonder how much of her body they cover?

"Hello?" A deep male voice sounds from beside me.

How the fuck does a human being even survive that.

"Hello?" There's that voice again.

It's sickening to think about-

"Hello!" I'm broken from my train of thought when I realise the voice is addressing me. I turn my gaze to the front of the classroom to see the teacher staring at me sternly.

"Oh, sorry," I say apologetically

He raises his eyebrows. "Nakata, I pressume?"

"Ahh, yes."

"There are two seats available, take your pick," he says gesturing to the other side of the classroom.

I move across the room trying with all my will to avoid looking at the burnt girl. I pick the seat residing between between another dark haired girl, and a blonde boy with some sort of medical bandage on his right ear.

I just need to calm down.

I feel my stomach ease slightly, and my heart beat slow down. I take my equipment out, my hands a little steadier now.

"Okay, now that you're all here let's begin. My name is Mutou," he says as he writes his name on the board.

I focus intently on our teacher, trying to keep my eyes from drifting to my fellow students. This isn't going to be an easy day.


* * *


The bell rings interrupting Mutou's passionate speech. Despite his fatigued and unkempt look, the man is quite capable of really getting into his teaching. "It's the first day, so I'll go easy on you guys. But starting tomorrow, expect homework." He returns to his seat, shuffling the papers on his desk around.

Out the corner of my eye I see Akio about to leave. I rush to write down the remaining notes on the board and jog lightly to catch him before he can leave the room.

"Akio, you busy?"

"Hey Kohta. No, I'm not."

"I'm going to give the cafeteria a dodge. You know any good places to eat?"

"Ahhh." He smiles at me. "I know just the place."

"Great, let's go." I walk beside but slightly behind Akio, following him to our destination. It's hard to match the slow pace at which he walks, though the chance to relax is refreshing.

"Akio!" A piercing feminine voice calls from behind us. We both turn to see two girls. One waving at us smiling, I'm guessing she's the one who called to Akio. The other standing arms folded, looking distinctly disinterested.

"Oh, hello Naomi," Akio says brightly as they walk through the hallway towards us.

"So, Akio, who's your friend?" The short, blonde girl in front of us asks in a cheery voice.

"This is Nakata Kohta, he's new to our school. He just transferred here from England."

"Australia." I glare at Akio before turning back to face the girls. "And you can call me Kohta."

The blonde girl's eyes light up. "Oooh, Australia? That's cool. I'm Naomi by the way." She turns to look her indifferent companion, waiting for her to speak. "And this is Natsume."

Natsume refocuses for a moment, brushing her long brown hair from in front of her glasses. "Hi."

I nod, not sure how else to respond to her meek greeting.

Once again Naomi speaks up. "So, you boys off to eat lunch by yourselves." The way she words it makes it sound a lot more depressing than it actually is.

"Yeah, we were just about to head over to the literature club." Akio responds in a way that's unusually casual for him. Come to think of it, the way Akio holds himself has changed a fair bit since the girls showed up. He's acting a lot more laid back and toned down than usual.

Naomi smiles. "Want some company?"

I look at Akio, then back to the girls. "Sure, why not?" I reply.

"Okay! It's a date," Naomi says not breaking her cheery demeanour for even a moment.

Date? Well, I certainly have no problem with that. Both girls are well above average looking, and Naomi seems very nice. Akio and I set off once again for the club room, this time with the two girls in tow.

"So," Naomi moves closer to my side to get my attention. "You're from Australia?"

"Yeah," I reply.

"What's it like?" She asks with genuine interest.

"Hot. Boring. Calm." I say in a deadpan manner.

"So you don't miss it then?" She asks still sincerely interested in my answer.

"I guess I just haven't had enough time to miss it. I've only been in Japan for a couple of days."

"Oh." She pauses for a moment, trying to think of something to say. "What do you think of Japan?"

"So far-" I'm cut off as she reaches out to grab the sleeve of my jacket. I look over to her. Something's wrong. Something is definitely wrong.

Suddenly, Naomi falls to the ground. I narrowly manage to catch her head before it impacts with the floor. Something's wrong. She begins convulsing erratically, and her eyes roll back. Something is fucking wrong.

"GUYS!" I barely recognise my own voice.

Akio and Natsume move quickly to my side. They're shocked, but surprisingly well collected.

"What the fuck is happening?" I try to prevent from shouting.

Akio turns to me. "Naomi is epileptic. She's having a seizure." His voice is as calm as usual.

Natsume gently places her hand over Naomi's shoulder. "Let go of her head, we have to roll her onto her side."

I do as she asks.

"Quick, take off your jacket, I need something to protect her head."

I quickly begin to remove my jacket, only now realise just how much my body is shaking. Natsume lifts Naomi's head high enough for me to slide my jacket under.

"I..."

What?

"I..."

I what?

I open my mouth to speak again, but instead say nothing. I rise to my feet and start to walk away as fast as I possibly can.

"Kohta?"

I don't dare stop to reply to Akio, for fear of my legs giving out. I need to keep walking. I need to get out of here.


* * *


My chest heaves inwards as acid rushes up my throat. Let it out. I pull back from the toilet. Though I feel like throwing up again, I'm confident I can avoid it. I drag myself across the tiled floor to one of the walls.

I can't do it. Since I left that hallway, that scene has replayed in my mind non-stop.

I roll the sleeves of my shirt up and run my fingers through my hair.

I can't deal with this any more. I can't bear to see people twisted and broken. The pain, the suffering. It's hard to forget the horrors that people go through when you're confronted by it. Here, I can't push it away, or shrug it off. It's there, and I'm not strong enough to deal with it.

I pick myself up off the floor, staggering across the hall to my room. I unlock my door, and grab my phone from the night stand.

It's time to put an end to this.

Ring Ring

Come on.

Ring Ring

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Ring Ring

Pick up!

"Hello," a voice finally sounds through the phone.

"Dad." I try to keep my voice as steady as possible.

"Kohta, son! How are you liking Japan?" He's as faux cheerful as ever.

"Look, Dad. It's not that I don't appreciate-"

"What's wrong son?" His voice is a lot more serious now.

"I agreed that I'd at least give this a try, and I'm telling you I want out."

"What do you mean?" He says sternly.

"I can't do it. This school is-"

"You've only been there for a couple of days. How can you know you don't like it?"

"Because-"

"Son, how are you going to look after the company in Japan if you don't spend time there first?"

"I never asked to look after the company."

"At least wait until this stuff with your mother completely dies down before you make up your mind."

"Don't act like you sent me here to protect me."

"What?"

"You can cut the crap. If you don't want to deal with me, that's fine. Just don't force me halfway across the world just because you want to ship off your responsibilities." I have to pause several times to prevent myself from yelling.

"You think I don't know about responsibility?" He's angry now. I guess I was a little bit out of line.

"Listen, Dad-"

"No, YOU listen, boy." Boy? "You don't think I know how to handle responsibility? I've treated you like my own son. I've given you everything you've ever wanted. I did all of this so that you could get the best out of life. I took responsibility for what your mother did. And now it's time for you to take responsibility. Whether you like it or not, you're in Japan now. You're going to finish your schooling there-"

"Wait, what the fuck do you mean 'I've treated you like my own son'?"

He sighs. "Boy." His voice is a lot calmer now. No, it's not calm. It's sadness. "I guess you had to find out sooner or later."

"What do you mean 'find out'?!"

"Your mother had an affair." He speaks bluntly and I can detect some hurt in his voice. "While I was on a business trip, she got pregnant with you."

What?

"I told myself that I'd do what was best for you no matter what. I guess I should have thrown her out, after you were born. Maybe this wouldn't have happened."

What!?

"I shou-"

"Hey Dad." I cut him off before he can continue.

"Yes, boy?"

"I'm going to go now."

"So you've decided to stay in Japan."

"Looks like it." The defeat in my voice is practically tangible.

"Good. Goodbye, boy."

"Yeah. I'll talk to you later, old man."

I hang up the phone.

I need something. Anything. To hit. To break. To shout at. What's the point? My life up until this point has been one lie after another.

My father isn't really my father and my mother tried to kill me.

What's the point to any of this?

I like this so far. I only found a couple of errors:

(Part 4) American's are so clueless

Extraneous apostrophe.

(Part 6) She has severe burns to the left side of her face.

The scarring is on her right. Your left. No, no, your other left!

A lot happened in that last chaper. The whole thing with his father seemed a bit forced, but I'm not a writer, so don't take my criticism too seriously until someone else chimes in.

Haha, can't believe I messed that up. I was writing pretty frantically though. Hopefully the Hanako fanboys don't hold it against me.

I think the fact that it feels forced comes down to two things. The first being I haven't had a chance to develop the father character, nor their relationship. Somewhat later on, the whole thing should make more sense. And the second being that it is a really out of place event. It's hard to explain why I decided to put that in so early, and not really give any build up. But I do have reasons for it.

When looking at a pic of Hanako, the scars are on the left side of the picture. Easy mistake to make :C

Regarding quantitative adverbs:

my hands a little more steadier now.

"more steady"

Come to think of it, the way Akio holds himself has changed a fair bit since the girls showed up.

I just realized that if Akio had a thing for Naomi, things would be quite difficult... Osteoporosis and Epilepsy don't go well with each other^^°

I can't bare to see people twisted and broken.

"bear"

Good chapter. I think Kohta's reaction was a bit extreme in the end, and his father was really insensitive to tell him something like that on the phone at a time when he was obviously upset already, though.

Implying they had a thing wasn't my intention. Another one of those things that will be explained later.

Holy shit, you're right. I'm going to sue every English teacher I have ever have for not doing there job. I honestly didn't know.

Thing about Kohta is, he's not good at facing problems. What you took at him 'not caring about' his mother trying to kill him is actually him just running away from it. And as for his father, he's an insensitive dick.

*popcorn* moar! the fanfiction is alive today