Katawa Shoujo Forums

5.5 Warm

Music track: Fripperies
Totally worth it.

That's what I'm trying to tell myself.

And why not, it really was great. Running through the rain with Misha, hand in hand. Forgetting all my problems for a little while and just experiencing the moment. And still…

…it's hard to stay positive about anything when you're lying in bed, the covers are pulled up to your eyes and your head feels like an over-inflated balloon, ready to pop any second.

I wish I had a book to read, but ever since I no longer had student council work to fill up my day, I used my newfound free time to go through everything I got from the library. It was sloppy of me not to visit Yuuko earlier to get some new reading material.

Ugh… And now it's like someone is pounding on my skull with a sledgehammer… ow…

No, wait, that was actually a knock on the door.

"Come in…" I utter in a weak voice. I'm not sure I am in the condition to entertain visitors, but explaining to them that I'm not feeling too well right now would require an effort I am even less willing to make. Whoever it is, he'll probably realize the situation just by looking at me, will quickly apologize in a whisper and leave me to my suffering. That's what I'm hoping for, anyway.

On second thought, that didn't sound all too right.

"Hicchan~! Where have you beeeen~?" Misha explodes into the room like the embodiment of cheer, cruelly shattering my hopes. Oh, my poor, poor ears. "You weren't in class the whole day~! Skipping school like that isn't nice, you know~! Wahahaha!… Um… Hicchan?" She glances around the room. "Are you in here~?"

Not only did she fail to take note of my heart-rending condition, she didn't even notice me at all…! How is that physically possible? My room is no conference hall, for crying out loud…

…Don't tell me it's the bed covers. I push them away from my face and murmur in a hoarse voice that would fit well into any kind of zombie movie, "I'm right here."

Misha whirls around, staring at me like I just teleported into my bed out of nowhere. "Oh~! Hicchan, what happened? Are you sick?"

What an amazing discovery. Give her the Nobel Prize right this instant.

"I caught a cold yesterday," I drone the very same explanation I was hoping to avoid. "My nose is not running at least, but my head hurts and I have a slight fever too. The nurse told me to stay in bed for a day or two."

"Ah~, so that's what happened! Hmm~, yup, I kinda knew you're probably sick." Liar. "So~! I copied my notes from today for you~! Here!"

She holds up a couple of photocopied pages in her left hand. It's a suspiciously small stack considering the number of classes we had today, but I suppose it's still better than having no notes at all.

"Thanks." I manage an honest smile. "Could you please leave it on my desk?"

"Sure~!" She walks across the room, puts the papers down, and… and… now she'll turn around and leave, right?

Right?

…No such luck.

Music track: Comfort
Instead, I see Misha kneel down before my bed with her arms on the mattress. She's rests her head on them, gazing at me roughly five inches from my face.

And just when I think I'm about to become extremely annoyed by that… I'm actually not. What in the world?

"The cold is contagious, you know. You'll get sick too like this." I cannot sound nearly as serious as intended.

She grins and lightly pokes my nose. "I'm not worried~."

"Not yet. But maybe I'll sneeze. Very suddenly."

"Hahaha!" Her hand moves to my face, stroking my cheek. It's pleasantly warm. "You wouldn't do that, Hicchan."

I try to look offended. "No?"

"Nope~! You're not that mean kind of person." Her smile softens a bit. "Even if, sometimes, you really try to be. I can see through that though~."

I shift uncomfortably on the bed, shying away from her touch. "Look, if you're talking about what I said yesterday… I'm really sorry. I didn't--"

"No, that's not it, Hicchan." She leans closer to me, not letting me get away. "But~! It doesn't matter right now, because~ I didn't come to make you all worried." The distance between us is practically nonexistent by now, I can even feel her breath on my face as she speaks. "Hicchan… You said you want to see me happy, right~?"

I’m no longer able to open my mouth at this point, so I merely nod.

"Right~! Well~! Me too~! I want to see you happy too, so~!" While her up-and-down tone is nothing unusual, when taken to such extremes it seems to betray slight nervousness on her part. "I'm going to make you feel a bit better~! Okay~?"

I don't think I can even incline my head anymore - Misha, however, does not wait for an answer, but instead locks our lips in a brief, hesitant kiss. This shyness seems to be recurring element whenever she's taking the initiative like this, as if she's not sure whether she's doing it right or wrong.

Well, as far as I'm concerned, she's doing superbly, as her kiss is no less than intoxicating.

I'd immediately go back for more, but Misha, determined to stay in charge, gets up and hops onto the bed, raising the covers for a second to slide under them. There isn't much room like this, so bumping into each other is more or less inevitable. Her school uniform feels cool against me through my pajamas, while her bare legs below her skirt feel hot, even though I'm supposed to be having a fever.

"This is nice~!" she giggles, snuggling up against me. "It's getting really, really cold outside, I almost froze on my way here~!"

With that, she graciously allows me another taste of her lips. I reach forward, my left hand gently caressing the line of her neck, while the other slides down her waist, reaching slightly under her skirt.

Strange. It's like I'm holding a beautiful, precious teacup full of boiling hot tea. Her skin simply shouldn't feel this warm; my body temperature is higher than normal, so others should feel considerably colder to the touch… unless…

"Misha, are you okay?" I breathe, breaking the kiss. "Your body is incredibly hot."

She laughs again in a shy manner that thoroughly confuses me. "Heehee, thank you~."

"Huh? Oh, sorry, that's not what I meant…" Argh, stupid! "Err, no, I mean, yes, y-you look stunning, but… you're also much too warm. Aren't you having a fever too?"

If my words managed to make her worry, she's hiding it amazingly well.

"Hmm~, who knows~?" Her efforts to inch closer and closer resulted in her basically lying on top of me by now, and she considers my question while drawing circular patterns on my forehead with her finger. "I was feeling a bit woozy in class today, but it was no biggie~! I'm made of tougher stuff than that, ahahaha~!"

Knew it. She also caught the cold.

"Hey, this is no joke. You should be resting if you're sick."

"I~ am~! Right~ here~!" she declares, and pushes herself up a bit with one of her hands previously resting on my shoulders, while the other one wanders downwards and reaches under my pajama top. Her movements still seem nervous, but also playful and determined at the same time. "Plus~! Some light exercise can be good, you know~! Builds up sweat, brings the fever down, everyone wins~! Right? Right~!"

I have the feeling the nurse may want to disagree with this particular piece of medical adviiiii--

Waah, that tickles! "…C-Cut it out!"

"I didn't know you were so ticklish, Hicchan~!" Despite my protests, Misha's hand continues to explore the contents of my pajama shirt. "I better remember that, it could come in handy later, wahahaha~!"

There is no reasoning with her, is there?

"Listen, I don't--"

"Hicchan… please…" She cuts me off. A pleading note appears in her voice, hidden behind her usual grin. "Let me do this… Give me a chance, okay?"

Wait, what?

Give her a… chance…? For what?

What does she want to prove? That she wants me as much as I want her? That she wasn't simply letting me have my way with her until now? I… I already know that… She has nothing to prove to me, this is--

Okay, hold it. Time out.

Just what am I doing? She came here on her own accord, and I am rejecting her why? Who am I, really? Her daddy? No. Her legal guardian? No. The little angel who sits on her shoulder and tells her what's the right thing to do? I'd do a terrible job at that even if I tried.

I should start listening to my own advice already: Misha can decide what's best for her on her own. I am free to offer my opinion, but she's also free to ignore it.

She's not stupid or helpless. She's the girl I love.

It's about time I get my priorities straight. From here on, if she feels doubt or guilt, I will listen to her. If she makes a decision, I will support her. And if she wants to make love to me while both of us are sick as hell, well, more power to her, because man, did she manage to turn me on with that!

I look at her face again; Misha is gazing back at me expectantly. Far be it from me to let her down.

"Well, alright then." I close my eyes and try my best to relax. "I guess I have no choice but to entrust myself to you. Please take good care of me. I'm fragile, you know."

I have no idea where the last part came from, but I kind of like it. Heh.

I think Misha likes it too. Why? Here's why:

"Wahahahahahahaha~! Hicchan, you're so… fragile~! Hahaha! Hahahaha! Hehehehehahahaha~!"

As she is shaking with laughter, I can feel the nervousness in her voice subside a bit. Finally, she leans down and kisses me; slowly, carefully, but also passionately this time.

Holding each other close under the blanket, we let our feelings carry us away.

Music track: -

6. Shock

Nyan-nyan-nyanyan-nyanyanyanyan-nyan-nyan, nyan-nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanya, nyan-nyan-nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyan-nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyan-nyan-nyan…

Not this again…

…nyan-nyan-nyanyan-nyanyanyanyan-nyan-nyan, nyan-nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanya, nyan-nyan-nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyan-nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyan-nyan-nyan…

Please… make it stop…

…nyan-nyanyanyan-nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanya-nyan-nyan-nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanya, nyan-nyanyanyan-nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanya-nyan-nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyan-nyan…

I can't take it anymore…!!

…nyan-nyanyanyan-nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanya-nyan-nyan-nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanya, nyan-nyanyanyan-nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanya-nyan-nyanyanya--

…Finally.

Thanks to some kind soul, the torture is over.

I don't really know the legal background of this, but I do wish the original author of the music in that Youtube video would sue the manufacturers of this alarm clock into oblivion. That's the least they'd deserve.

I wearily open my eyes and sit up in bed, trying to recover from the trauma.

"Rise and shine, Hicchan~!"

Music track: Lullaby of Open Eyes
Misha is grinning next to me, covering her otherwise completely unclothed self with the blanket, her other hand touching the pink monstrosity on the bedstand - it seems I have her to thank for saving me.

I don't actually put my gratitude into words though, as they would sound half-hearted; after all, this is her room and her accursed alarm clock. How can she bear waking up to this nightmarish noise every single morning, I have no idea.

But since now I spend roughly every second night here, maybe it'd be wise to find out. Or invest in some earplugs.

A lot changed in the past two weeks: I think I can safely say that the relationship between Misha and I has reached "official" status. Although, well… I can't really say that it has become any less physical. Sure, we do stuff together, go on dates and parfait-hunting trips, pretty much made the arcade our secret base of operations by now - but we spend even more time in bed, and I'm not even counting the three days when we've been nursing that cold after our little jog through the city in the rain. In fact, we're starting to make a habit of spending almost every night together, alternating between her room and mine.

That's not to say that I mind. Heck, these nights tend to be nothing short of incredible. It just feels a bit unusual. Maybe.

Because I'm such a relationship expert, of course. Anyhow…

"I'm rising, I'm rising…" I climb out of bed with a grumble, and quickly start getting dressed in my clothes from yesterday. The alarm was set early so I can safely go back to my room and finish my morning preparations there before school. "Shining might be a bit too much to ask after a reveille like that, though… Say, can I buy you a new clock for your birthday?"

And then brutally murder this one with a screwdriver and a huge mallet… or give it to Kenji, saying that it contains some secret feminist documents. Mwahahaha.

"Wahahaha!" Misha joins my inner diabolical laughter with a bright one of her own. "But~! I like this clock very much. It's funny."

Damn. I knew you'd say that.

I reach down for my shirt, lying haphazardly on the floor, but a pair of arms pull me back to sit on the bed again instead. Misha hugs my neck from behind, her bare chest touching my back as she kisses me on the cheek.

"Is this a better kind of reveille, Hicchan~?" she asks mischievously.

I close my eyes, letting myself be absorbed into the warmth of her embrace. "I'm shining already."

"Hahaha~!…" She rests her head against mine. The position seems comfortable enough for the both of us that we might actually drift back to sleep if we're not careful. "Thank you."

"…For what?"

As I suspected, her tone is already slightly drowsy as she answers, "For sticking around." An affectionate squeeze. "For staying here. With me."

I chuckle lightly. I don't remember laughing so much out loud before; Misha is seriously starting to rub off on me. "Oh come on, you're stealing all the good lines I could woo you with. I'm going to end up depressed."

She doesn't say anything in reply, and I hear her breaths deepen as much of her body weight slumps against me.

Uh-oh, she's really going to fall asleep.

My eyes flutter open and I shake my shoulders the tiniest bit. "Hey, Misha, don't pass out on me. We're going to miss first period like this."

"You know, Hicchan…" Her voice sounds just as I utter the last word. Maybe she wasn't dozing off after all?

"Hmm? What is it?"

"When you came here that night… when you waited before my door for hours… you looked really, really strong." Her words have a dreamy quality to them that makes me reconsider once again whether she's actually talking in her sleep or not.

Either way, I can't disagree more. Me, strong? I had no idea what I was doing. If it weren't for Rin, I might have given up before even finding her room. I was simply going with the flow, and can only thank the heavens or maybe blind luck that things turned out the way they did.

Then again, according to Misha, luck can also be a skill…

"Now, with you… I think I can be strong like that too," she says, and I can feel the smile in her voice even without turning my head.

I decide to do that anyway. Misha's eyes are open, not at all asleep, showing a determination that instantly wins me over.

"For Shizune?" I ask. “You think you can change her mind?”

Even though the council president keeps haunting our conversations like a ghost, seeing Misha's expression, this time I'm not bothered by it - a fact that fills me with inexplicable relief.

"Yup!" She raises her head a little above my shoulder and nods eagerly. "It might take a super long while, but I think I can do it! Just watch me today, Hicchan~! I'm going to go in there with guns blazing! Wahahaha~!"

She abruptly lets go, blasts off the bed, and starts rummaging through the closet for some piece of clothing or undergarment in all her naked glory. With some effort, I manage to tear my gaze away and start putting on my shirt, while my brain mulls over the glaringly obvious question.

Should I help her somehow? No, more like, can I help her at all? At this point, the answer is probably no. Misha has the advantage that Shizune never tried to explain herself to her so far; my presence would negate that and most likely make things worse in general.

Satisfied, if not all too reassured by this conclusion, I do the only thing I can: I wish her good luck. It’s no mere formality; something tells me she's going to need all the luck she can get.

Then again… the two of us are pretty "skilled" in that department, aren't we? We're here together, after all.

Music track: Daylight
Despite convincing myself that I am in no position to directly help Misha's plan, paying attention in class proves to be an impossible endeavor throughout the day. She told me to watch her… well, that's no problem, since there's little else I can do except repeatedly glancing to my right to see if something sudden and noteworthy happened in the past three and a half seconds.

I should have asked her what her plan is. Still, odds are she would have simply laughed and told me it's a secret; from the looks of it, Misha also wants to take a stab at this on her own. And that's fine, but it nonetheless leaves me worried. Not exactly about the outcome itself - whether Shizune can be convinced, I really couldn't care less at this point - but about the consequences said outcome may have. If things don't work out, then Misha will be forced to accept that their friendship is beyond saving, and I don't want to imagine how she would feel about that. Terrible doesn't even begin to describe it, probably.

And so I watch, though to no avail, because apparently nothing is happening. Misha glanced at Shizune no more than five times during morning classes - yes, I've been taking count - and did little out of the ordinary so far, even though lunch break is now quickly approaching, when our "benevolent dictator" will lock herself up in that room, out of reach. So what is she waiting for…?

"Teacher~!"

Gah… I've been staring at her all day, and Misha's sudden call still nearly made me jump out of my seat.

She waits a moment to make sure the teacher heard her (as if there was any doubt) and continues, "My tummy hurts a bit, I think I need to see the nurse. May I be excused~?"

Those puppy dog eyes she adds to her pained plea would make Emi proud. The teacher doesn't stand a chance against them.

Ten minutes until lunch break. Not bad. She didn't even need help from Lilly to pull it off, like I did back then.

From the corner of my eye, I notice Shizune following Misha with her gaze as she walks out of the classroom, confusion written on her face.

If all goes well, she's going to find out everything soon enough.

Music track: Everyday Fantasy
I almost never stay in class during lunch break. I spend both the morning and much of the afternoon there, so it's only natural to take every chance I get for a brief change of scenery. It's also a bit depressing, the thought that I had nothing better to do than to sit there all by myself.

This time, however, after grabbing a couple of sandwiches, I am immediately drawn back to the classroom. My reasons are twofold: first of all, if Misha finishes putting her plan in motion before the end of the break, that's the place she's going to return to. And second, before that happens… well, I want to avoid meeting her or Shizune at all costs. The last thing any of us needs is me running into them at some critical moment and ruining everything.

That and… maybe I'm anxious too. At least a bit. It's not that I don't trust Misha's judgement, but… for some reason I just can't see her succeed. And seeing her fail really is the last thing I want to experience, even if the outcome will become clear to me sooner or later anyway.

As I enter the classroom, I notice that despite my expectations, I'm not alone after all: Hanako is reading a book at her desk. Lilly is probably busy today, which is why they're not having lunch together. She glances nervously in my direction for a moment, before attempting to disappear behind the indigo blue cover.

I don't want to bother her any more than I already have, so I sit down at my usual place next to the window and grab one of the sandwiches. It disappears amazingly quickly; looks like I was hungrier than I thought. Good thing I bought more.

The remaining sandwiches also don't last much longer, however, and I find myself with a full stomach but with absolutely nothing to do, even though lunch break is still very far from over. I can't believe I've been postponing that visit to the library for weeks; just about any kind of book would do right now to get my mind off the--

I turn back in my chair, risking another glance at Hanako. There are at least three more books piled up on her desk. She looks immersed enough in the one in her hands that I'm sure she doesn't want to read those right now. If I could borrow one… but how should I ask her without risking her panicked escape from the classroom? I eye the stack of books with a whole different sort of hunger as my mind races to find a solution.

Gah, I can't think of anything. To put it simply, my confidence is in shambles: ever since I managed to convince Misha not to give up on her friendship with Shizune, as far as talking to people goes, nothing I had consciously planned out in advance went as I had hoped… and so many things happened since that last success, it feels as if it took place in another lifetime.

I mean, even my first date with Misha ended up heading in a whole different direction… well, it wasn't bad at all, but still… I can't get used to this spontaneity. I'm nervous every time I'm forced to resort to it. Looks like I really am Mutou's star pupil after all: there are no surprises in physics, just a set of laws which govern the universe. Once you know the laws and all the variables, you are prepared for anything.

No, not true. That was a childishly naive notion, I can almost see Mutou shaking his head in disappointment. One of those laws themselves, the uncertainty principle states that you cannot know everything all the time. You can't be prepared for every single twist that may come your way. Sometimes you just have to wing it and hope for the best.

Perhaps I can find a middle ground. I could plan ahead, and if something unexpected happens, adjust those plans on the fly to take the new development into account. That's what all those masterminds do in the movies, anyway.

Hahaha, yeah right, some mastermind I'm going to be…

My thoughts are interrupted by the realization that Hanako is looking at me, or more precisely peering over the book cover, her eyes slightly wide with surprise.

Man, did I really laugh out loud? Misha's influence on me is starting to become something to worry about.

Anyway, I may have made myself look like a weirdo, but this is still an opening. I better act quickly before she looks away.

"Sorry, didn't want to startle you. I just thought of something funny," I tell her in the absolutely friendliest and most unassuming tone possible. "Hey, by the way, could you lend me one of those books? I'm waiting for Misha to come back, but I am getting bored out my mind doing nothing."

Hanako slowly lowers her gaze to the books lying on her desk, then looks back at me, and… is that a small nod I saw? It must've been that, because now she takes a paperback from the middle of the stack and timidly extends her hand in my direction.

"This is… an interesting book," she explains in a low voice. "It has l-lots of stories… Very short ones."

"Oh, great, thanks!" I might be thanking her a bit too vehemently, as she shrinks back in her chair. I tone it down a bit, and take the book from her with a grateful smile. "I promise to give it back before classes start."

"O-Okay." She nods again, more slowly not to mention visibly this time.

As I make my way back to my seat at the window, I can barely hold back another laugh. Talk about anticlimactic! Is this what I've been so worried about? Maybe if at least I wouldn't be so frightened about the idea of talking to Hanako, things could be going a lot more smoothly with her. She's frightened enough for the both of us, after all.

Sitting down, I glance at the cover of the book with interest. "One Minute Stories", by someone called "Örkény István"? That's a strange name, but it does look to be just what I needed. I guess I'll start with the first one…

…

…

Huh? Wait, what time is it?

Looks like lunch break is almost over. Too bad, I would have enjoyed reading a few more of these.

True to my word, I reluctantly return the paperback to Hanako's desk. "Thanks, this really is a great book. I barely noticed the time passing."

She looks at me with an unsure gaze, like she has no idea what to do with such praise. "Uh… Um… Maybe… M-Maybe I could… lend it to you t-tomorrow as w--"

"Hicchan~!"

We both give a start as Misha nearly blasts the door off its hinges with her entry.

"Err, sorry about that," I apologize to Hanako who again attempts a disappearing act behind her book, and quickly head towards the pink-haired girl waiting for me at the entrance.

Well, at least she doesn't look all that depressed, meaning things couldn't have gone to hell entirely. Although… even if she's sad, Misha won't let it show in front of most people…

Eh, enough of this. Just ask her already.

"How did it go?" I try to keep my tone strictly neutral as I state my question.

"I told Shicchan that she's my friend and I'm not giving up on her no matter what!"

She says this with a smile, but it's the kind of "default" smile people have come to expect from her, which doesn't tell me much about her true emotions underneath.

"And…? What did she answer?" I attempt to push her ever so slightly.

Misha hesitantly scratches her cheek. "She told me to leave her alone."

Oh damn. That doesn't sound very good. To make things worse, I still can't gauge her mood at all. I couldn't have imagined Misha having such an unreadable expression. It's almost scary.

Then suddenly, like she decided to have mercy on my nerves, her smile morphs into a full-blown grin.

"I said 'nope'~!"

Does not compute.

"N… Nope?" I echo the word which sounds to me like it was uttered in a foreign language.

"Nope~! I said I'm not giving up on her, right? So~! It'll take a lot more than that to drive me away! Wahahaha~!"

Watching her laugh, I can now tell without a doubt that her resolve is still the same as it was in the morning. And why not? Misha's stubbornness is only rivaled by Shizune's, after all. For the second time this lunch break, I feel like I made a fool out of myself with my needless worries. Oh well, at least no one knows about it…

"Were you worried about me, Hicchan~?"

…You evil woman, you.

"Well… maybe."

"Hahaha! It's okay~!" She pats me on the shoulder. She might as well be hammering me into the ground, the whole thing is so embarrassing. "But~! I actually came to tell you not to wait for me this afternoon! I'm going to be at the council room with Shicchan~!"

I think that is highly unlikely, unless Misha knows how to pick the lock. Although on second thought, she did say "at" and not "in" the council room…

"Just what are you planning to do there?" I can't help it, I have to try asking her at least.

Misha responds with a playful shrug. "What I said~! I'm not going to leave her alone!" She leans to the side, glancing at the clock above the blackboard. "Oh, look at the time, Hicchan~! I have to run, I can't let Shicchan sneak out of the room without me! Bye-bye~!"

She waves at me, spins around and hustles down the corridor.

I would watch her leave, but my classmates are giving me a couple of annoyed looks since I'm blocking their way into the room with only seconds left from the break. With a sigh, I turn around and head back to my desk.

It's the stupidest thing, but I almost feel being left out.

Music track: Air Guitar
I didn't see Misha much for the rest of the week, except for our morning classes together. Every time Shizune walks out of the room during lunch break, she is right behind her, and that is usually the last moment I can glimpse either of them for the day.

When I asked her about it, Misha told me only that Shizune always works late into the evening in the council room. I can understand that much, of course, but I simply cannot fathom what Misha is doing during that time. Shizune surely doesn't let her in, I'm willing to bet money on that.

Because of Misha's unpredictable schedule, we haven't spent a single evening together ever since she started this, and I never would have thought the fact would bother me as much as it does. Oh right, did I say that our relationship was overly physical and that it's odd for us to sleep together all the time? Please forget about that, I was only being a moron as usual. That was merely strange. This is much worse.

I wish I could say that Misha is making some progress at least, but as far as I can tell the only thing she accomplished was driving Shizune further and further up the wall. Yesterday, for instance, she basically fled the classroom the second the bell rang, probably hoping to lose Misha in the tumult. If my pink-haired sources are correct, she did not succeed.

Now it's already late into Saturday afternoon. I'm sitting in my room alone, studying and homework all done, wondering what the heck should I be doing with my free time.

Oh, right! I can finally go to the library and get something… to read… Realization dawns upon me as I notice the stack of books on my bedstand. Of course, I already did that yesterday. And currently I don't feel like reading any of them, even though they look interesting. This is annoying beyond belief.

Perhaps I should take a walk outside… No, done that three times this week already. Go to the Shanghai? That doesn't sound so bad, but… alone? Nah. Going to the city to see a movie or visit the arcade on the other hand would feel like going on a date without a date. Utterly depressing. Maybe if everything else fails… I could hang out with Kenji…? Thankfully I'm not desperate enough for that just yet.

In the end I decide on taking a walk anyway, at least to the main building and back. Supposedly it's good for my health. The days shorten as winter draws ever closer, so even though it's not that late, it is almost dark outside by now. It's also getting rather cold as well, so I try to move quickly, already regretting the whole thing.

I make it to my destination in a few minutes. Possibly because it's Saturday, the school is already half-asleep: there are no lights in most windows, with a couple of exceptions. I notice that the window of the student council room is among these.

I wonder if Misha is there somewhere right now. I could just go in and see for myself. If she's there alone, maybe we could talk a little. I can't deny that I really do miss her company, ear-splitting laugh included.

However, it seems I have no choice but to admit it now, I could have done this anytime. Misha never told me to stay away, the one who made that decision was me. But why? Am I really this afraid of my presence messing things up? Or am I staying away for some different reason?

Am I feeling neglected? Or even… jealous?

Whatever the reason is, it doesn't interest me much at the moment. I hastily make my way towards the entrance.

The corridor leading to the council room is still fully lit, even though the lobby is not. I nervously slow down as I get near the door which I've been walking in and out of during much of my stay here at Yamaku. Aside of my dorm room, I think I've spent the most time here outside of classes. Or I used to, at least.

As impossible as it may sound, I nearly fail to notice Misha. She's standing to the right of the door, her back resting against the wall. Considering there's a locker to her left, one could easily walk down the corridor without recognizing her presence. Especially when she's being so unusually quiet: she seems to be pretty absorbed in that sizable manga anthology she's reading, and also fails to notice me until I'm standing right in front of her.

"Hey," I greet her in a slightly hushed voice.

"Ah, Hicchan~!" Misha's eyes light up as she looks at me, a reaction that I'm rather satisfied with. "Did you come to check on me? Hahaha~!"

She makes no attempt to be quiet of course. I'm not sure why I did, either, it's not as if there's anyone around to hear us. Certainly not Shizune.

I give a shrug. "I guess so, yeah. How's it going? Shizune's inside the council room, I take it?"

"Yup~!" She nods enthusiastically. "Shicchan seems to be extra busy today. I wonder why~! The elections are still pretty far away."

"How do you know she's busy in there?" I ask with some confusion, staring at the door. Can she peek inside through the keyhole or something?

Misha giggles. "She hasn't been to the bathroom since five hours! Wahahaha~!"

My eyebrows soar upwards, not exactly because of her deduction, but because of the timeframe: there's no doubt in my mind that Misha spent those five hours standing here in this one spot as well. She's doing the very same thing I did, although arguably with less apparent results. Her legs must feel incredibly tired by now.

"Why don't we sit down for a while?" I offer. "You could use a break. I'll just bring two chairs from a nearby classroom."

She waves her hand dismissively. "No, I'm fine, I'm fine! Really~!"

I'm pretty skeptical about that, but if you want to convince a person like Misha, arguing is not the way to go. Instead…

"Oh, then I guess you'd have no problem with stepping away from the wall for a second, right?" I set up my trap in the most offhand tone I can manage.

She blinks in confusion. "Hmm~? Well, okay…" She takes a small, innocent step forward, and… "Eeek!"

…immediately loses her balance. She had no idea of what I already suspected: her legs have fallen asleep a good while ago.

Luckily for her, I've prepared for this outcome and easily catch her in my arms. "See what I mean?"

"That was sneaky, Hicchan~!" She pouts, although her annoyance is obviously fake and doesn't last long either. "Still~! I don't mind resting a little like this, I guess. Hahahaha~!"

Should have seen this coming. With a deep sigh, I lower myself to the linoleum floor while Misha proceeds to use me as a chair. Her hair tickles my cheek as she makes herself comfortable, her face inches away from mine.

On second thought, this isn't so bad at all.

"So, how's the Shizune-project going? Is this passive resistance of sorts working out?"

I have to admit that I only asked this to maintain conversation, as most of my attention is now focused on playing around with Misha's pink locks. I really did miss having her this close to me, holding her, smelling that faint scent of shampoo in her hair. It reminds me of pink; I'm not sure if it's because of the scent itself, or because it's Misha.

She grins. That's also even more charming up close. "I think so~. Shicchan is impressed when people don't give up against her, even if she doesn't let it show. She's probably moving out of the 'anger stage' by now…"

"Anger stage…? What's that?" Misha using a phrase that sounds awfully like something she read in a psychology book drags my mind back into the conversation.

"Well, you know… There are these five stages, or steps, or things like that…" she tries to explain, but finally resorts to a more direct approach. "I'll just list them, okay~? First, it's 'denial', then comes 'anger’, then 'bargaining', then 'depression', and finally, 'acceptance'~! We still have a long way to go, but we're getting there!"

I stare at her with a blank look. "Misha, I think… those actually are the five stages of grief."

"Oh, that too!" She nods, unfazed. "But I think it also fits here! Wahahaha~!"

I'm not sure how I should respond to that, but as it turns out I don't have to: the sound of a turning lock reaches us from the other side of the door.

"It's Shicchan!" Misha jumps to her feet in excitement - looks like her legs recovered pretty quickly.

I do the same thing, although for very different reasons. "Damn! I have to hide somewhere!"

Almost in panic, I run to the door opposite to us in the corridor. It's unlocked, thank goodness.

"You don't need to hide, Hicchan…" Misha calls after me, but I just resolutely shake my head and hurry into the empty classroom, leaving the door open just a crack so I can see what's happening.

Music track: Caged Heart
The student council room door swings open.

Shizune walks out with careful steps, like she's afraid of an ambush. My heartbeat speeds up as I see her looking straight ahead in my direction, but there's no recognition in her eyes; I don't think she can notice the door being slightly open from such a distance anyway. I still let out a relieved breath as she turns her head to the side to face Misha.

"Evening, Shicchan~!" she greets her with a cheerful smile, her hands quickly forming the same words in parallel. "Are you all done for today?"

There's no answer. Instead, time itself seems to freeze around the two as they keep staring at each other, Misha's expression open and friendly, while Shizune's showing a cracking resolve that began to slide towards exasperation. She definitely tries to look angry, but Misha could be right, she can no longer make it work.

That doesn't mean she already gave up, of course. Far from it. This battle of wills between them is so intense, the tension in the air so tangible that it's giving me goose bumps, even though they haven't actually done anything aside of locking gazes.

Shockingly, it's Shizune who breaks eye contact, stepping past Misha as she walks down the corridor. She tries to make it look like she simply grew tired of the whole thing, but it's still an obvious admittance of defeat - something I would have never imagined Shizune doing until a little while ago. Now I am less surprised.

A moment later, like she's following some well-established routine, Misha slowly turns around and starts trailing after her. I carefully stick my head out into the corridor to get a better view. She's following Shizune closely, with only a couple of steps between them, but also making sure to always stay behind her back. It doesn't take me long to realize the significance of this arrangement: Shizune can't hear her footsteps and she's completely out of her sphere of vision, so she can act as if Misha is not there at all - unless she consciously decides to acknowledge her presence by turning around.

Judging from the way she keeps walking forward with her head stiffly looking only straight ahead, I think Shizune is all too aware of this.

They're not far from the lobby now; all it takes is a turn to the left and they're gone from my sight. I'm fighting an urge to hurry after them. After all, I only came here to talk to Misha. I had no intention of getting involved in this any further.

Still, something tells me I should go. I can't tell what it is, it's like my limbs are trying to move on their own, yelling at me to let them. Eventually, I get fed up with the pointless struggle, open the door wide and break out into a run.

It doesn't last long; I'm already panting by the time I step out of the building. I stop for a moment to catch my breath, trying to spot the two girls in the school grounds. I don't see them anywhere, which is strange because they shouldn't have this much of a lead. Did they speed up their pace as well? That could very well be the case, since like me, Shizune did not look dressed for the weather either, so she's probably cold.

Ah, there they are. Looks like they took a small detour towards one of the nearby trash cans, and now they're heading for the gates. If I go there in a straight line, I can probably catch up to them.

This turns out to be an overly optimistic prediction: by the time I reach the gates, they're already a good sixty feet ahead of me on the sidewalk. Shizune does move fast, taking sharp turns without much warning; for instance, it seems now she suddenly decided that she wants to cross the street.

I hear a small bump as she steps off the sidewalk. Right next to it on the road is a rectangular manhole cover that's slightly warped, causing it to move an inch or so up and down every time some weight is placed upon it; I came to notice this because of the distinct sound it makes when a car passes by. Shizune takes another quick step and she's already off - but that's the very same moment when Misha steps onto the road as well.

"Ow!" I hear a surprised yelp from her direction as she freezes on the spot.

For a second, I don't understand what's going on, but then I realize: as the manhole cover moved back into place, it must have caught the tip of Misha's shoe.

"Shicchan, wait! I'm… stuck!" Both her words and signs are to no avail. Shizune does not see her. She continues her way across the road, reaching the sidewalk on the other side in no time.

What's that noise…?

It's almost like… like I'm hearing the sound of a screaming engine from the distance… but…

Music track: High Tension
Headlights.

They almost blind me for a moment as the car reaches the top of the hill. It's coming fast. Way too fast, damn it, well over the speed limit.

"Misha, get away from there!" I yell, running towards her in a frenzy.

It's not enough. If I only weren't out of breath…

Misha is trying to pull her foot free, but no matter how hard she tries, it remains stuck.

The driver should be able to see her by now. Why isn't he slowing down?!

I push my body to its limits, running even faster. My heartbeat hastens in protest, but who the hell cares!

There are a couple of people on the sidewalk, waving towards the driver to stop. None of them can reach Misha, they're even further away than me. The only person close enough is--

"SHIZUNE!!"

She does not notice anything. Not the car, not the bystanders, not Misha, not me yelling after her even though it's pointless. Just keeps walking on.

The car's not slowing down at all.

It's almost--

Misha turns around and looks at me, bathed in the eerie golden-white glow of the headlights from behind. Her terrified expression burns into my mind, never to be forgotten.

After that, I can't follow what's happening anymore.

I hear the dull sound of impact.

Misha is flying through the air, onto the sidewalk.

The car speeds by me.

Music track: Shadow of the Truth

I suddenly realize that I'm still running, heading towards Misha's quivering form.

She's conscious. Her clothes are a mess. Her head's bleeding. She's holding her right foot, which is bent in some terrifyingly unnatural angle.

She screams out in pain.

I kneel down next to her, wanting to help her… but I don't know what to do. Some faint, vague memory of a first aid course springs to mind… something about a "recovery position"… But she's not unconscious, I can't get her to remain still…

I can't--

I…

"Someone call an ambulance!!"

…

"Poor girl… My goodness, her leg…"

…

"That drunk bastard! Did anyone get the license plate of the car?"

Many people gather around us, I can hear them talking, yelling, cursing. Still, I barely understand any of it; their voices meld into Misha's agonized scream, creating a terrible cacophony that clouds my mind, making it a struggle to form coherent thoughts.

It hurts. Everything hurts.

…

How could this happen?

How… how could I let this happen…??

How?!

I raise my head in a daze, my gaze wandering around without focus… and through the gap between two bystanders, I see her.

She is still walking down the street, slowly disappearing from view as the road leads downhill. In the same brisk pace. Like nothing in the world happened.

Shizune…

How could you let this happen…?!

How could…

You… you…

…

Fuck you…

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!…

Fuck you, you goddamn selfish bitch!! "FUCK!! YOU--!!"

Some of the people nearby nervously step back, hearing me explode in anger.

They can go to hell too.

Everyone can just--

"Ugh…!"

That… that was my voice.

Stabbing pain strikes my chest. My heartbeat is a chaotic mess, spiraling out of control.

It hurts so much… I can't even breathe…

My right hand clawing at my ribcage, I try reaching with the other towards Misha, but I can't even see my hands anymore. Just darkness.

A vast, empty darkness I am tumbling down into.

7. Spite

Music track: Cold Iron
Nngh. The light is… annoying.

I attempt to force my eyes shut, but it still manages to get behind my lids somehow, nudging me awake.

I move my gaze across the room. My first impression tells me that I'm in a hospital… but actually, that's not true. I'm in the school infirmary next to the head nurse's office, lying on one of the beds.

Why am I here…?

Memories of the accident come back to me in a blur. I know they should leave me upset, but all I feel is a slight pang of discontent. It must be the effect of some medication I've been getting.

Still, even without the emotions associated with panic, the sense of urgency remains.

"Hey… anyone here…?" My voice is hoarse and drowsy. "Hello…?"

I can hear the sound of approaching footsteps. Whoever it is, he's in a hurry.

I manage to raise my head slightly and see the nurse stepping into the room.

"Ah, you're awake." He smiles at me, although it feels less genuine than usual. "Good afternoon, Hisao."

That word startles me. "…Afternoon?"

"Yes. I will have to confess that thanks to me and some sedatives, you've missed a good chunk of Sunday. It's half past three right now."

Every glance at his cheerful face reminds me of someone else, and makes me more and more eager to cut him off, but I cannot find the strength to ask the question until he's already finished.

"Misha… where is she? Is she okay?" Sedatives or no, a sinking feeling starts to emerge in the pit of my stomach as I say these words.

The nurse's smile disappears, and he gives a slow nod. "Alright, let's cut to the chase then."

Then stop nodding and do it already!

"Miss Mikado is going to be fine." I hear his words loud and clear, but his still-troubled expression robs me of any sense of relief. "She's currently in the hospital with a broken foot. They're keeping a close eye on her to make sure there's no internal bleeding or other nasty surprises going on, but her condition seems to be astonishingly stable. In case you were wondering, the driver's been caught too, an hour or so after the incident."

He really could have said that with a bit more enthusiasm. Is he hiding something from me?

"So what's the bad news?" I ask, hoping to put an end to this charade.

Then it strikes me. The bleeding obvious.

"Did I… have another heart attack?"

He finally lets out a chuckle, although I don't understand why.

"Hisao, if you had another heart attack, we wouldn't be chatting here in the infirmary right now. You'd be in the emergency department of the hospital, with countless tubes and needles sticking out of your body everywhere."

Well, he's got a point. Even if I don't find his joke all that funny, since… let's just say: been there, done that.

"This still was a whole lot more than a simple 'scare', though," he continues in a serious voice once again. "You were in fact transported to the hospital for a few hours, and we could take you back here only because they couldn't find anything wrong with you - but in all honesty, what the people who saw you collapse yesterday told me doesn't really mesh with the results we got. You did look like you had a heart attack, Hisao, even if all other evidence right now points to you being more or less fine."

I don't understand what he's getting at. "And… that means…?"

He steps closer to the bed. "That means you were insanely lucky. Both of you, to tell the truth. Making it through a car accident like that with only a couple of bruises and a broken bone, without even a concussion is not something you see every day." He puts a hand to his temple, letting out a deep breath. "And so, being the head nurse, it should be my job to give you an earful about how you shouldn't overexert yourself and how you should avoid situations of such extreme emotional distress, but…" He manages a more honest smile this time. "Well, given the circumstances, that would make me look bad enough that if Emi caught wind of it, she'd punch me in the face. Worse still, she would be right."

We share a few seconds of amused silence, probably imagining the same thing.

"So I'm just going to say this: please watch out for yourself, Hisao. Even if this whole incident wasn't your fault and I can understand you how feel about it, that doesn't change the fact that your luck might run out one day. Keep that in mind, you hear me?"

I try to clear my head before replying, to reach the same relatively tranquil state I was in when I awoke. I really want to give him a serious answer, with a calm mind free of bothersome thoughts. If this indeed was a unique stroke of luck for both me and Misha, I have to make it count.

But it doesn't work. My unease refuses to go away; if anything, it only gets worse.

"I'll try my best," I finally tell him. The words coming from my mouth sound incredibly fake to my ears.

The nurse either really doesn’t notice, or chooses to act that way.

"I guess that will have to do for now," he says with a grin. "Stay like this for a bit longer, the sedative will wear off in a few more hours. I wish I could make you stay here until Monday, but I don't think anything short of tying you down with an iron chain would keep you from visiting Miss Mikado in the hospital today."

I mutter something in affirmative as he turns to leave.

These emotions welling up within - they're starting to frighten me. If it feels this bad right now, how bad will it be with the sedative gone from my bloodstream? I don't want to know. I really don't.

But what I want doesn't matter here. I'm going to find out anyway.

Music track: Friendship
It feels odd to return to the hospital like this.

Of course, this isn't the same hospital I've spent those months in after my heart attack, but at a certain level, all hospitals are the same. They're very clean, white and green tend to dominate their interiors, you have nurses and doctors running around and so on. To steal a phrase from Rin, their "hospital-ness" is at the maximum. The mere fact that they were built to serve this particular purpose makes them have enough things in common to give me this sense of familiarity.

It's familiar, just like a place where I've spent so many days and nights should be. But unsurprisingly, it's not a place I am eager to return to.

Thankfully, today I'm only a visitor here. On one hand, that's a relief, on the other hand that makes it feel even more odd.

Gah, I don't think I'm making any sense.

After some asking around, I'm directed towards room 252 on the second floor. It's already past visiting hours, but the nurse knows a few people working here and promised to give me a hand.

Running into a doctor in front of the aforementioned door proves that he hasn't let me down. The thirty-something woman recognizes my name, tells me not to stay for too long and ushers me inside.

Perhaps out of everything I saw thus far, this room feels the most familiar. All the equipment. The IV stands. The smell of antiseptic. How the windows show fallen leaves dancing in the wind outside, shining in the light of the setting sun - back then, I remember seeing cherry blossom petals gliding through the air the same way, not long before I left.

As I move further inside, I see that there are four beds in the room… but only one of them is occupied.

"Hicchan! You're okay!!"

For a second, I just stare at Misha, like I'm seeing a ghost. She is sitting in bed, or more like lying on it but with the upper half of the bed tilted to make it act like a chair. I can see the cast around her right foot which sticks out from under the covers. She's wearing a green hospital gown, with her short pink hair all over the place in disarray and a sizable bandage on her forehead.

But her smile is still the same as always. Even if she appears to be on the verge of tears right now.

As I hurry to her bed, everything that has been bothering me on my way here seems to fade away. My unease about the accident doesn't matter. The hospital doesn't matter. My attention is focused solely on Misha.

She leans forward for a hug, and I am more than happy to oblige.

"Hey, of course I'm okay. Didn't the doctors tell you? They brought me here too, but couldn't find anything wrong with me. It was probably just a flutter or something like that."

Well, except "flutters" don't make people faint. But no need to waste words on that right now.

Misha seems to be reassured by my explanation, and I use this chance to ask about her condition. It turns out the prognosis is quite good: if no complications arise, she can leave the hospital in a few weeks and the cast only needs to stay on for a month or two. Pretty unbelievable considering how her foot looked yesterday.

If I had any doubts left regarding our incredible luck in the accident, those are now completely annihilated. If luck really is a skill, Misha could hold seminars on the subject.

I take another look around the room, and notice fresh flowers, baby blue-eyes I think, in a vase on her bedside locker.

"Did your parents come to visit?" I ask her. "My folks called me at least five times already. It was insanely hard to convince them not to drive across half the country to see that I'm still alive."

Misha looks a bit sad as she answers, "No, I only talked to them on the phone too. Maybe they'll come next week. They work on Sundays, and… we can't really afford to travel much."

Damn, wrong topic. The mystery of the flowers is cast aside as I quickly try to change the flow of the conversation.

"Do you want me to bring you something? Something to read, for example? It's awfully boring to just watch the leaves fall outside all day; trust me, I know." A memory pops up from yesterday. "Ah, right, how about some manga? Do you have a favorite author or series?"

She seems to be giving my suggestion quite a bit of thought. "Hmm~… I don't really have favorites, Hicchan…" Her face suddenly lights up. "But~! I've always wanted to finish reading Rurouni Kenshin! It's a classic~!"

"Kenshin…?" I furrow my brows in confusion. "Isn't that some action manga for young boys?"

Misha crosses her arms, looking at me with an overly serious face like I've just insulted a work of art.

Err, actually, maybe I did.

"It's not just an 'action manga', Hicchan! It's a romantic story about love, friendship, tender feelings and redemption~!"

Saying that a romantic story is about love and tender feelings sounds kind of redundant, but who am I to argue.

"Okay-okay!" I throw my hands into the air in defeat. "I'll see what I can do."

The annoyance is gone from her face as quickly as it appeared - if she was even angry to begin with. "You know, Hicchan, there's someone in that story who reminds me of you a bit."

"Don't tell me it's that ex-assassin guy…" I throw out a guess with a wry smile.

"Hahaha! No~. Kenshin also has a scar, though. But it's on his left cheek, not on his chest."

I stall for a moment at the mention of my scar - although it's hardly a surprise, considering Misha had plenty of chances to see it already. Maybe she even commented on it before, I can't quite remember.

"Then who is it?" I ask quickly to move on.

She raises both arms high, as if what she's about to say will be a cause for celebration. "It's Sanosuke~!"

"Ah, Sanosuke! Right!" I'm about to nod, but then stop in the middle of it. "…Never heard of him."

"Wahahaha~! He's one of the main characters, Hicchan~! Tall and sturdy~… with spiky brown hair… Most of the time, he wears baggy white clothes… and…" Misha punches the air like she's striking an invisible opponent. "He fights people with his bare fists!"

Given the fact that, if memory serves, Rurouni Kenshin is a story mainly about genius swordsmen, it stands to reason that this guy is probably suicidal.

"Great. And I suspect he's also handsome, isn't he?"

I ask this mostly for my own sake: it would feel really depressing if the character I'm supposed to have a resemblance to would turn out to be both stupid and ugly.

Instead of reassuring me that he's the most attractive man in the world, however, Misha merely blinks in confusion. "I'm… not really sure, Hicchan. I guess I never looked at him that way."

…Oh. Err, I see.

"A-Anyway, for the record I don't fight people with my bare fists. I don't really fight people in general."

"That's not what I meant, silly~! But~! You do look like him. Not even a bit, a lot!" Her eyes widen, like she thought of some great idea. "You know, you'd make an ultra-super Sanosuke cosplayer, Hicchan~! Let's give it a try once!"

She's staring at me with an open, dreamy gaze, and I have a nasty feeling that Misha can already see me punching people before her mind's eye, with a ton of hair gel on my head, wearing some stupid white bathrobe-like thing.

And now I can see it too. Heaven have mercy.

"I… have to sleep on that," I tell her, in hopes that she will forget about it by tomorrow.

"Okay~! Hahahah--"

Her laughter is abruptly cut short, interrupted by a violent coughing fit.

I immediately lean closer to her with concern. "You okay?"

"I'm… *cough* …okay. Just… one of those pills I took… is giving me a sore throat."

Right, side-effects. I'm no stranger to those.

"Give me a second, I'll get you some water." I take the plastic cup I saw next to the flower vase and walk over to the sink in the corner.

Got to pay attention to the temperature, neither too cold nor too hot would be good for her right now.

I'm already on my way back when I hear Misha saying something. Probably because her throat forces her to speak less loudly than usual, I can only make out the second half of the sentence.

"…just when things started going so well, too. I wonder how Shicchan is doing right now…"

Music track: Caged Heart
The cup falls out of my hands. I hear a sharp noise, and glance down to see the water quickly spreading across the floor. It all barely registers in my head until I notice that my shoes also got wet, the damp sensation snapping me back to reality.

"Oh… sorry… it just s-slipped… err…" I gabble some excuse as I grab the cup and put it back on her bedside locker.

I pace around the room, telling myself that I'm looking for a mop while in truth I'm just staring off into empty space. From the corner of my eye I can see Misha following me with her gaze, looking somewhat puzzled.

"Um… about Shizune…"

I have no idea how I'm going to finish the sentence. The leaves swirling in the wind outside suddenly become the most interesting sight in the room; I couldn't turn my head away from them even if I tried.

"Did she… visit you today?…"

"…No…" She does a poor job at hiding the disappointment in her voice. "Well, I was asleep until noon, but… no, I don't think so."

I nod slowly, mechanically.

"I think… maybe you should… give up on this, you know… I mean, you tried really hard, but it's not really working out, is it?… Shizune is not budging, so… maybe we can just let her be…"

I raise my left hand to my face. It's trembling.

"Hicchan… what's wrong?" I hear Misha's concerned voice from behind. "Why are you saying all this?"

Damn the leaves. I force myself to turn around and face her.

"Nothing, I guess… nothing's wrong, except… except maybe that it was thanks to Shizune that you nearly got killed…!"

She stubbornly shakes her head. "That's not true! It was just an accident, Hicchan! I didn't watch my step so my foot got stuck, and Shicchan didn't see me because she was only looking forward, so it really wasn't--"

"ENOUGH!!" I scream at her at the top of my lungs.

Stunned silence fills the room, as if neither of us can believe what just happened.

"Hicchan…"

I can no longer look her in the eye.

"I'm… I'm sorry…"

I really am sorry, but at the same time… I've really had enough of these goddamn excuses…

I slump down to a chair next to her bed, burying my face in my hands. Most people do this to hide their anxiety or tears from others; I do it to keep myself from throwing the chair across the room.

"Misha… please… could you explain something to me?" My voice sounds not only upset, but also incredibly tired, like I haven't slept for days. It matches my mood rather well. "Why are you doing this?… Barely over a month ago, you were talking to me about how sick you've become of everything that was going on between you and Shizune… and now… it's like you're obsessed with changing her mind. I… I just don't get it!"

Her reply comes after another short period of silence. "But Hicchan… It was you who told me then that I shouldn't give up on her… that we should stay friends…"

It's true, there's no denying it. A mirthless chuckle escapes my lips. "Yeah, I guess I did. And you know what? In the end, it turns out I was very-very wrong."

That conversation she's referring to… it really feels like it happened years ago. I remember most of it, but can no longer recall my exact motivation; it's like the Hisao Nakai who existed back then no longer has anything to do with the person I am now. The two of us have become separated by this wall of red hot rage, frustration and anguish, and the searing, flame-like emotions make me recoil every time I try to reach out to my old self.

Thus, I can no longer understand what I was thinking. The only thing that seems certain to me right now is that I was being an idiot.

"Sorry Hicchan, but… I don't think so."

Her words echo in my head endlessly.

Right. So that's how it is. Nothing I could say would change Misha's mind. She wants to do this, even if it's hopeless. Even if she ends up dead because of it.

I said that I would support her decisions - but there's no way I can support this. I just can't.

"Suit yourself." Feeling completely drained, I slowly rise from my seat and start walking towards the door.

Her pleading voice reaches me when I’m only a step away from the exit.

"Wait!… Hicchan… I know you're angry… but… I… can't do this alone, so… p-please… please don't leave me alone with this…"

I turn my head to the side to look at her. The determination I saw in her only a second ago, the aura of confidence that surrounded her throughout the week is now suddenly, inexplicably gone.

My mind is already made up, however.

"I'll visit you again later."

With those words I leave the room.

A minute or two passes, and I shudder as I step out into the night. Never before did the autumn wind feel so mercilessly cold.

Music track: Stride
Monday starts in a ridiculously ordinary way: having forgotten to set my alarm, I arrive five minutes late to class. I mutter an apology to Mutou as I enter the room and quickly head towards my seat, when I notice how deserted that row of desks looks in general: not only is Misha absent, but Shizune, Takashi and Misaki are missing as well. The two other rows in the front and in the back aren't quite full either.

It must be the flu or something similar. I should consider myself lucky I didn't get sick while coming back from the hospital in that freezing cold.

It's likely better that Shizune isn't here, actually. Or not. I'd probably make a scene if she were, but the truth is I can't honestly view that as a bad thing right now.

So begins what looks to be an awfully boring day. Mutou is not even saying anything new, he rehearses material which we have already covered and which I've already understood rather well, so trying to pay attention to him is hopeless.

After a while, though, I still manage to notice something. More than once, when he finishes explaining a type of problem, he appears to hesitate, like there's something else he'd want to talk about, only to decide against it at the last second. I can see the indecision on his face again at this very moment.

Well, if he wants to say something he better get to it, because class is nearly over.

It seems Mutou knows this too; he pinches the bridge of his nose as he turns away from the blackboard to face his dwindled class.

"One more thing… Actually, I should have started with this. As you can see, we have several people missing. I'm sure everyone here heard about Mikado's unfortunate accident by now; I've been in contact with the head nurse, and thankfully it looks like she'll be back on her feet in no time. As for the others, most of them only caught some minor sickness, so they should also be fine soon…" He trails off after confirming my suspicion about the flu, like he has to remind himself of what he wanted to talk about in the first place. "I'm afraid Shizune Hakamichi is a different case, however: due to personal reasons, she is transferring from Yamaku Academy. She will be attending a different high school for the rest of the school year, starting next week."

Huh?

…Transfer?

Shizune's… transferring??

"I know this is all very sudden, but don't worry, you can still say your goodbyes to her this week… although she asked that we refrain from holding farewell parties and the like. She won't be in class, but you can find her in the student council room; as the decision was made only very recently, she is busy organizing the new schedule for the council elections. They have to be held earlier than expected, this Friday to be exact, so the new leadership can take over right away when she's gone. Nakai can probably fill you in with the details if you have any questions."

From one second to the next, I feel that all eyes in the room are focused on me. I freeze in my seat, like a deer caught in headlights.

Fill in with the… What??!

"Oh, but before that, I almost forgot about one last thing." Mutou unwittingly comes to my rescue. "Since the votes need to be tallied up by Friday evening, we can't have the voting last all day long. So Hakamichi thought, and I agreed, that we should get it over with at the start of lunch break. On Friday, everyone is to stay in class after the bell; Hakamichi will come here and collect the votes from you all. It shouldn't be more than a few minutes. I will talk to the other homeroom teachers to see if we can get the voting done in all of the classes like this."

A wave of murmurs runs through the room. Somewhat embarrassingly for our science teacher, his students managed to put two and two together faster than him: multiplying those "few minutes" by the number of classes at Yamaku means that the unlucky ones might be forced to spend their whole lunch break waiting for Shizune to show up. Unsurprisingly, that possibility doesn't sit too well with most of them.

How was that great idea of hers again? "Chain the school to their desks. Voting is mandatory. If you don't vote, you get whipped."

She actually made it happen.

Mutou ignores the noise. "And that really is all for today. Don't forget about your assignments; I'll be seeing you tomorrow."

In what can be considered a rare achievement, he manages to finish right before the bell sounds. One by one, my classmates walk out the door; Hanako leaves last, glancing in my direction as she steps through the threshold. I stay glued to my seat.

"Excuse me, sir," I address the teacher in a restrained voice.

He is so busy going through some stack of papers before him that my words come as something of a shock, and not only because I'm being unusually formal.

"Oh, Nakai! I didn't notice you're still here. What can I help you with?"

I waste no time getting right to the point. "What's with this transfer? When did you hear of this?"

Mutou stares at me, confusion taking hold of his features. "Do you mean that Hakamichi didn't tell you?"

His eyes widen a bit as I firmly shake my head. It's no surprise that he's surprised, I guess. The inner workings of the Student Council are so obscure to outsiders, teachers included, that no one really noticed during the past month that Misha and I had quit, or to be more precise, had been kicked out. We did not tell anyone about it, and it looks like Shizune didn't either.

On any other day, I'd probably find this fact to be hilarious.

"I'm sorry Nakai, I also found out only yesterday evening." Mutou sounds genuinely apologetic. "Hakamichi's father called the principal, and she spoke with me, well, wrote me a long message about it too. It wouldn't be my place to talk about the exact reason, but this time I really know nothing more than what I've already told you, which, I admit, isn't much." He pauses, frowning with concern as she looks through the paper stack in front of him once more. "Something is definitely not right about this, I'll give you that. Hakamichi has been missing from a lot of afternoon classes as well, lately."

A lot? More like all of them.

"Her grades are still as good as ever, so I didn't want to give her a hard time about it, but still…" He raises his gaze to meet mine. "Nakai, is there anything you believe I should know about?"

Your complete failure as a homeroom teacher, for one.

"No, sir."

He gives a sigh. "I see. Well then, I'm afraid if you want answers, you will need to get them from Hakamichi directly. You're friends, correct? If she's going to tell anyone, it'll be you. Go ahead and ask her."

Fat chance.

"Right. Thank you, sir." I stand up and leave without another word.

There's no need for me to ask. I already know what happened.

Shizune is responding to Misha's insistence in the same manner that has become the norm for her recently: by running away. Literally this time.

Oh, that Misha is in the hospital right now, mostly thanks to her? Doesn't matter. Getting far away is the most important. And the elections, of course. Can't forget about the elections.

After all, what would this hellhole do without a goddamn Student Council?! No way! People might get killed, mutilated or be left in despair along the way, but the Student Council has to go on forever and ever!! Right?!!

I nearly walk into a wall, having reached the end of the corridor. There's a poster in front of me nearly at eye level: an advertisement for the elections, naturally. The date has already been corrected; I can recognize Shizune's neat handwriting at a glance. The rest is clearly my work, though. I even remember making that red exclamation mark bigger to better catch people's attention.

I lash out and tear the poster off the wall, crumpling it into a ball of paper in my hands.

I don't fucking think so, Shizune. This time you've gone too far.

If you believe you can force the election down our throats and then simply disappear, you've got another think coming.

It won't be so easy. Not if I can help it.

When the school's over for the day, I head back to the dorms at a slow pace, my mind riddled with thoughts.

I need to do this the right way. It's easy to get distracted by petty revenge, but this has to be a lot more than just that: I want to send Shizune a clear message that she cannot ignore, no matter how hard she may try. It looks obvious that I'll be forced to walk a thin line here.

Though I have to admit, revenge in itself sounds like a nice added bonus right now.

No matter how slow I go, I eventually reach the dorms, recognizing with some disappointment that I did not get any closer to a solution along the way.

And with that weighing on my mind as I enter the building, I am even less thrilled to run into the very last person I'd want to have a conversation with at a moment like this.

Music track: Out of the Loop
"Hey! Great timing, man, I was just looking for you."

Kenji.

"What is it this time?" I mumble, hoping that we can somehow keep this short. What a truly naive hope that is.

He leans closer to me, probably going for a conspirational look, but the only thing that springs to mind is that his breath still smells as awful as ever.

"It's happening, man. It's really happening… The enemy is on the move."

Is it just me, or does he make even less sense than usual?

"What the hell is happening?" I make no effort to hide the irritation in my voice.

Kenji's eyebrows reach well above his thick glasses in surprise. "You don't know? You mean they managed to fool you this badly? This isn't good, Hisao. Come on, I thought you were smarter than this, I mean--"

"Enlighten me then. What is it?" I cut him off, forcing the words out of my mouth through gritted teeth.

"It's the elections, what else? They've been moved to Friday this week! Don't tell me you haven't heard about that either…?"

"No, I did. I've heard of it."

It's actually more surprising that he did, considering the last time I saw him outside the dorms was weeks ago in the middle of the night.

"It's outrageous, isn't it?" he rambles on. "How they could pull this off right under your nose… I've told you joining that Student Council was like begging for trouble. Who knows what kind of brainwashing they've used on you to keep this under wraps for so long--"

"I am not a member of the Student Council anymore." I try to put extra emphasis on the "not" word. It was high time I made this clear so at least Kenji would stop pestering me about it.

His face brightens. "Ah, good thinking, man! That last-minute decision probably saved your life!" His cheer doesn't last long, but I'm almost used to his sudden mood swings by now. "Still, this isn't the time to celebrate and all that shit. We've got a serious situation on our hands. If this election thing goes like the feminists planned, that'll be the beginning of the end. I can feel it."

"You mean they're going to elect a president worse than Shizune?" I ask with a snort of amusement. "That's hard to believe."

"President? Who the hell said anything about the president…?!" His shouting makes me think I might have offended him somehow, but I'll be damned if I know how. "I'm not talking about leadership, I'm talking about what comes with it!"

"A shiny key to the council room?"

"No!!… Fine, that too, but it doesn't have anything to do with…"

Kenji trails off, and I realize what a terrible mistake I've made.

"Damn, you're right… You have to be right, I mean, you've been there…" He grabs onto my shirt in desperation. "What are they keeping in that room, man?! Tell me!! It's guns, isn't it? It has to be guns! They're going to announce martial law once the elections are over, so they'll need a damn lot of those…!"

I grab his shoulders with both hands in retaliation. "Kenji. There. Are. No. Guns. In. The. Student. Council. Room. Got that?!"

I shake him a little after each word to make sure he pays attention. Sadly enough, I'm still not sure he did.

"None that you saw, anyway," he replies in a grave voice.

I feel like pounding my head against the wall. No, here's a better idea, I feel like pounding Kenji's head against the wall. This conversation with him is just as pointless as the ones that came before and the ones that will come after. And I'm still here, wasting my time on this nonsense even though I have plenty of other things to worry about. Like Shizune and the elections… just to name a few…

Wait a minute.

It nearly scares me to admit it, but… isn't Kenji talking about the same thing I intend to do? For completely different and clearly idiotic reasons of course, but that's beside the point. He wants to stop the elections from happening, which rhymes well with my own purpose. If left to his own devices, he'll probably never get beyond these incoherent ramblings, but with some direction… who knows, he might actually be useful for once.

This is a tough call. While getting him involved is obviously risky, I feel it is still worth considering.

Hmm…

• Convince Kenji to sabotage the voting
• Talk Kenji out of it

7A.

Sounds good to me.

It's about time Kenji helps me out with something after all those favors I've done for him. Not to mention that he still owes me money - and no, the damn grape juice I spat all over that book in the library doesn't make us even.

The only question is how I should go about it. Kenji thinks he's the leader of some underground resistance movement, even if that movement is no bigger than the current Student Council. Getting him to follow my lead won't be straightforward… but it's not impossible either.

I fold my arms, trying to appear like I'm deep in thought. It may be pointless, but I can never tell how much he actually sees from me in situations like this.

"Anyway, guns or no guns, I have to agree with you on one thing: this council election is bad news."

I wait for his reply, but he simply stands there without moving a muscle or saying a word. What the hell…?

"Stopping it is probably our best bet, if we can pull it off somehow," I continue. "But how can we do that? Got any ideas…?"

Still nothing.

I swear, if Kenji is messing with me or just refuses to move because of some crap like hiding from feminist motion-sensing robots, I'm going to do something I'll regret.

After several seconds of silent staring, he finally chooses to furrow his brows with suspicion. "…Is everything alright, man?"

Eh?

"What do you mean 'is everything alright'…??"

"You started acting strangely all of a sudden," he states in an amazingly calm voice. "Most of the time you don't really agree with me like this… or even if you do, you sound like you don’t. That's not a bad thing, dude. I've gotten used to it. I mean, you're the voice of doubt in the Resistance. The guy who keeps me on my toes. I am the Ying and you're the Yang. We complement each other like two sides of the same sandwich. You don't have to throw that away."

Now it's my turn to stare at him, completely dumbstruck.

Damn it Kenji, why do you have to choose this moment to become unusually perceptive out of the blue?

Or… was he like this from the start, and only played the fool to lull the feminists into a false sense of security…?

Oh no. This is bad. I can't believe I seriously considered that for a second. I simply cannot handle Kenji in my current stressed-out mental state; I have to put an end to this conversation before he drives me insane.

"Come on, you're overthinking things," I tell him, trying to keep my voice calm. "I just said I want to help you battle against this conspiracy or whatever. That's a good thing, isn't it? So why don't we skip this pointless argument and get back on topic here? "

Kenji still doesn't look convinced. Damn him.

"Dunno, man. My mom always told me that if something sounds too good to be true, it's probably going to eat you. Don't get me wrong, you're cool and all, and I don't think the feminists in the Student Council actually turned you into a cannibal, but… well, I don't know."

…

All right, I’m done being subtle.

"Oh, cut the crap already!" I yell, grabbing him by the collar this time. "Do you want to stop the elections or not?!"

"Whoa, Hisao, wait! This isn't you! You got to fight it, man! Fight the brainwashing! It's not a good idea to eat your fellow freedom fighter, remember?"

I fight back the urge to strangle him. "Yes or no?!"

For a second, it looks like Kenji will launch into another tirade, but then his expression abruptly becomes calm, as if something clicked into place in his mind.

"Hey, of course I want to stop the elections. Wasn't that obvious?"

Deep breaths. Deep… breaths….

"Fine. Then it's decided, you're going to help me," I state in a voice that sounds more like a low growl. "I'll talk to you later so we can work out the details. Don't make any plans for Friday."

It takes every last bit of my remaining willpower to wait for Kenji's hesitant nod, after which I flee to my room and collapse on the bed.

I dread our next meeting already.

8. Blame

Music track: Moment of Decision
The next day, I visited Misha in the hospital again after school.

It was a short and not at all pleasant visit. I had already been nervous about the hospital earlier, but now the familiarity of her surroundings began to haunt me in whole new, utterly terrifying way.

For all intents and purposes, she had become me, and I had become Iwanako.

It was the same thing happening all over again: we've spent most of our time sitting in silence, and when I could not take it anymore, I simply stood up and left. Just like Iwanako did back then.

But what should I have said? That Shizune is running away from everyone and everything, and chances are they'll never meet each other again? Or should I have mentioned the little goodbye present I was planning to give her beloved Shicchan, to properly "thank her" for everything she had done for us?

Because no matter how badly she'd like to think otherwise, the truth is obvious: Shicchan doesn't give a shit. About her, about me, or about anyone else.

Still, I couldn't bring myself to say any such thing. Misha looked depressed as is, almost like something broke in her the moment I stepped out of her hospital room on that previous Sunday evening. Her sullen mood felt just as unexpected, and just as impossible for me to comprehend as her earlier insistence to turn Shizune around no matter what. I did not want to make things even worse, so I remained quiet - while at the same time, I felt like a coward who comes up with excuses only to cover his own weakness.



Waiting for me back in my dorm room was a similarly unpleasant task: to go over the battle plan with Kenji.

I did not sleep much last night, feeling compelled to lie awake in bed and think. In the end, I managed to come up with something that will likely work, but chances are I'll need his help with it. Thank heavens for small mercies, I was able to make him understand most of what I had in mind without needing to repeat myself.

We finished much earlier than expected, actually. It's still an hour before curfew.

"And that's all there is to it. Got any questions, or can we call it a day?"

"You sure you're okay, man?" Kenji speaks up as I put a bag full of colorful balloons back into the desk drawer.

I run a hand through my hair irritably. "Why do you keep asking me this?"

"Because you keep acting like you're not, duh." He gives an annoying shrug. "You shouldn't let all this stuff get to you, Hisao. You have no chance of defeating the enemy around you if you can't face the enemy within. Like that month-old takoyaki I ate once. I'm not kidding, it nearly killed me for real."

I really hope he was trying to make a joke. In any case, it wasn't funny. "Just mind your own business, Kenji."

My words make him inexplicably pleased for some reason. "Oh, thanks for reminding me: I wanted to give you this."

He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a dirty, battered mobile phone and puts it on my desk. Looking like it may fall apart by itself in any given moment, it's a small miracle that it still appears to be working.

"What do you want me to do with this…?"

"Check out the video on the memory card. I've brought you a nice piece of intel," he says, looking very proud of himself. "I'd never take the risk of making a call, but I did use the phone to gather some evidence last year. You have no idea about the horrors I uncovered. There was some sick, sick shit on this phone, man… I had to delete most of it because of a security breach, but there's still a file left that may be useful to you."

I highly doubt that.

"Okay, whatever, thanks. Good night."

To my relief, Kenji seems to take the hint for once and leaves. I stare at the phone's cracked screen; the clock had been set to Greenwich Mean Time for some odd reason.

Eh, what can I lose?

I browse through the folders of the device in the file manager. Kenji wasn't joking, the phone had been wiped clean almost completely. There are no contacts, no text messages, no pictures, no installed programs, nothing. Only one medium-sized file in the "Videos" folder.

Pressing "down" once, I select it - and then hesitantly push the "OK" button in the middle.

Music track: Concord
I see a couple of bushes. They're very close to the camera, as if the person holding the phone is trying to hide behind them. From the lighting, I assume it has to be sometime late in the afternoon.

I can make out a faint but very familiar voice. "Err… um… what are you doing over there?"

Is that… Yuuko? Nah, it can't be.

"Sssh, quiet! You'll expose my position!" Well, I certainly don't have to guess who this is. "Go check out the other stalls, I'm on a mission right now!"

Since there's no reply, I can only assume the mysterious girl did as he said.

Kenji with a member of the opposite sex? Man, that's some shock… Whoever she is, I feel sorry for her.

The camera finally moves away from the bushes, but only ends up facing a nearby tree, which keeps growing in size as he runs towards it. I guess that's going to serve as the new cover against whoever Kenji intends to spy on.

Again, I can hear, if only barely, the sounds of conversation from nearby. Before I can make out anything of what the voices are saying, however, they're drowned out by another.

"Surveillance log, entry 13." Due to his excitement, Kenji seems to be struggling to keep his voice down. "The Tanabata festival finally gave me an opportunity that is well worth the deadly risks I'm taking just by being here. No, if anyone wants to know, this is not a date. For the first time, I can get near the heart of the feminism that infests this damn school. The leaders of the conspiracy. The worst nightmare of free men everywhere."

Slowly, carefully, Kenji sticks the phone out from behind the tree.

I can see a stall covered by blue and red fabric, with a couple of plastic tables and chairs next to it. Almost all the chairs are occupied by people eating something from the disposable plates in front of them.

Why does this look so familiar? A year ago I didn't even know a place like Yamaku Academy existed…

Wait, something's moving. Two girls appear behind the stall, dressed in waitress outfits. A third hurries after them, carrying a tray in her hand with two glasses of soda on it.

The resolution of the video is very bad, but the first and the third girl seem to have long hair, blond and brown, while the second one's hair is short and dark… and… she seems to be wearing glasses…

Damn. I remember. The photo I saw in her room, it was taken at the same time. It's Lilly, Shizune… and Misha.

"The Student Council," Kenji states in a disgusted tone. "Our greatest, craziest, most fearsome enemy."

Oh shut up already, I want to hear them talk!

"…we should hurry to make more." I can finally make out Lilly's voice. "This demand is quite unexpected, so much so that we are almost out of food."

Shizune is not looking at her as she speaks but at Misha instead, for obvious reasons.

She's not translating though. Her hands don't move at all.

"Oh… sorry, sorry~! I'm sorry, Lilly! Wait, I have to put the tray down somewhere…" I've never, ever heard Misha talk like that. She sounds… flustered. Nervous.

[Lilly says we need to make more food quick!]

She finally manages to relay the message, and Shizune's answer comes without a second of delay.

[Don't worry, I was prepared for this of course.] She whirls around and reaches under the stall, only to turn back a moment later. [Where are the noodle packages?]

Misha freezes in place, as if she had just been accused of stealing them all.

[I… I don't know. I have no idea, Shicchan, really!]

Shizune gives a silent sigh. [Calm down. I obviously wanted to ask Lilly, not you.]

The penny drops.

"Oh~! Err… Lilly, Shicchan wants to know where you've put the noodle packages."

Lilly seems confused. "I don't remember even touching those. If I'm not mistaken, Shizune brought them here along with the other ingredients. We have already used up six packages, aren't the rest supposed to be at the same place?"

"I… really don't know…"

Now it's Lilly's turn to sigh. "Could you please ask Shizune?"

Misha tenses up again. Memorizing the previous three sentences and presenting them to Shizune seems to require an enormous mental effort from her.

I have to say, this isn't the most efficient method of communication. She makes a lot of subtle and not-so-subtle mistakes, seems to translate only when asked, and even then she quotes the speaker instead of just translating the words as they come.

Combined with her odd mood, reactions and unusual hairstyle, it feels like I'm looking at a completely different person: a shy, nervous girl who is visibly unsure of herself.

It's so strange, I don't know what to think. How can someone change this much in just a year?

Or… did she change at all? Is the person I’ve come to know the real Shiina Mikado? Her overly energetic, bubbly personality always seemed unusual to an extent. Is it nothing but a front she puts up to keep people from seeing this? The truth?

On the rare occasions when I saw Misha sad, I always thought that it was so unlike her to act that way, and I instantly felt an urge to cheer her up, to bring her back to her usual joyful self.

But, it turns out, perhaps for her those moments were in fact the most real.

"I found them," Lilly appears from under the stall with a plastic package full of noodles in hand, triumph apparent in her voice. "It seems we now have everything we need. Misha, could you light the stove while I chop up the vegetables?"

Misha turns towards the portable gas stove behind them at a snail's pace, approaches it with similarly excruciating slowness, and finally picks up a box of matches into her slightly trembling hand. If I was watching a live video stream or a movie, this is the moment when I'd begin to worry that she's going to blow everyone up.

Suddenly, a hand appears on her shoulder. I recognize the hand's owner to be Shizune as she steps closer, Lilly obscuring her from view until now. I wish I could lean to the side, as I can barely see the signs they're making.

[What's wrong?]

A blunt question, as expected.

Misha's hands are moving about in the air, but I don't think it's the distance, the angle or the video's resolution that's making me believe they're not forming coherent words.

[Look, just calm down a bit, okay? If the customers keep pouring in like that we'll have to work quickly.]

I think I can finally see what Misha is signing, but it doesn't make me much wiser, since she seems to be only repeating a single word.

[But… but… but…]

Then without warning, the words explode out of her without much regard to whether Shizune can understand them or not.

"But Shicchan, I've never used a gas stove before~! It's really, really dangerous! And there are so many people here and they're all staring at me, and this outfit doesn't fit, and you're all speaking so fast I can't keep up, and the weather looks like it might rain right now or in a minute or two, and that makes me sleepy but I know I can't be sleepy right now, and… and…"

CLICK

Music track: Painful History
I stop the playback.

That was enough, I can't watch any more of this.

It's almost funny how history is repeating itself. Iwanako and I drifted apart during my stay in the hospital, just like how the distance between me and Misha seems to grow larger with every passing second. And when I could finally leave that damn white-and-green room behind, I was thrust into an entirely new environment, without any handholds whatsoever: no friends, no nearby relatives, nothing.

I'm beginning to feel the same way once more.

Shizune, Misha… The people I thought I knew, the people I thought I could count on, the people I thought I… loved… In reality, they're all turning out to be drastically different compared to the pretense they've been keeping up until now. It's like I've been part of a masquerade without realizing, and now that the masks are off, everyone is laughing except me.

I've spent over six months here, and all these people are suddenly like strangers to me. The two friends I thought I had simply do not exist. The others… who knows? How can I tell what they're really thinking? How can I tell what kind of personality hides behind their supposed acts of kindness? How can I tell who they really are?

It's a lie, all of it. The truth is this: ever since I've arrived to this school of freaks, I've been alone. And I still am.

Before going to bed, I turn off my alarm clock.

I don't care if I sleep in. If I had the chance, I would not wake up until Friday morning.

But then I definitely will. I'm going to do this. Damn the consequences.

-- padding post --

-- padding post --