Katawa Shoujo Forums

Steinherz wrote:

LorSquirrel wrote:

pandaphil wrote: Lilly's defensive look returned. "And what if you nudge too hard? What then? You've never seen one of her panic attacks. They-they're horrible to see."

I thought Lilly was blind. How can she see Hanako's panic attacks?

Figure of speech? Remember Lilly says "see you around" quite a few times.

Oh, right... Well then, carry on.

Steinherz wrote:

LorSquirrel wrote:

pandaphil wrote: Lilly's defensive look returned. "And what if you nudge too hard? What then? You've never seen one of her panic attacks. They-they're horrible to see."

I thought Lilly was blind. How can she see Hanako's panic attacks?

Figure of speech? Remember Lilly says "see you around" quite a few times.

Thats what I figured as well. Hmm, I don't have a problem changing it if anyone has a a more appropriate phrase?

pandaphil wrote:Thats what I figured as well. Hmm, I don't have a problem changing it if anyone has a a more appropriate phrase?

Goodbye?
Till we meet again?
Catch ya' later?
Tootles...?
Catch ya' on the flip side? (Okay, this one is completely out of Lilly's character )

KeiichiO wrote:

pandaphil wrote:Thats what I figured as well. Hmm, I don't have a problem changing it if anyone has a a more appropriate phrase?

Goodbye?
Till we meet again?
Catch ya' later?
Tootles...?
Catch ya' on the flip side? (Okay, this one is completely out of Lilly's character )

okay someone needs to make a fic where lilly says "Catch ya' on the flip side." i don't care what the story is about i just want it made.

pandaphil wrote:Thats what I figured as well. Hmm, I don't have a problem changing it if anyone has a a more appropriate phrase?

nah don't worry about it i was just being nit-picky (not something i should be doing considering how much you could probably nitpick the hell out of my fic so far.)

LorSquirrel wrote:

KeiichiO wrote:

pandaphil wrote:Thats what I figured as well. Hmm, I don't have a problem changing it if anyone has a a more appropriate phrase?

Goodbye?
Till we meet again?
Catch ya' later?
Tootles...?
Catch ya' on the flip side? (Okay, this one is completely out of Lilly's character )

okay someone needs to make a fic where lilly says "Catch ya' on the flip side." i don't care what the story is about i just want it made.

The great Lilly/Akira brain swap?

^ YES! someone make it happen!

pandaphil wrote:

LorSquirrel wrote:
okay someone needs to make a fic where lilly says "Catch ya' on the flip side." i don't care what the story is about i just want it made.

The great Lilly/Akira brain swap?

Freaky Friday KS addition? Do want!

Oh, by the way i think this is a very good fic and it's nice to see Hanako come out of her shell a little... but i what took me out of it was the VN choice box in the second part. i'm pretty sure most other people have said this before but the choice boxes are just disruptive and takes you out of the story. AKA there a big nono in writing. - LS

LorSquirrel wrote:Oh, by the way i think this is a very good fic and it's nice to see Hanako come out of her shell a little... but i what took me out of it was the VN choice box in the second part. i'm pretty sure most other people have said this before but the choice boxes are just disruptive and takes you out of the story. AKA there a big nono in writing. - LS

Uh oh...


I just thought it was a cute reference. But if anyone else thinks I should lose it, I will.

pandaphil wrote:

LorSquirrel wrote:Oh, by the way i think this is a very good fic and it's nice to see Hanako come out of her shell a little... but i what took me out of it was the VN choice box in the second part. i'm pretty sure most other people have said this before but the choice boxes are just disruptive and takes you out of the story. AKA there a big nono in writing. - LS

Uh oh...


I just thought it was a cute reference. But if anyone else thinks I should lose it, I will.

it was cute but i was instantly taken out of the scene when i saw it. maybe a little harsh but it's just my opinion.

LorSquirrel wrote:

pandaphil wrote:

LorSquirrel wrote:Oh, by the way i think this is a very good fic and it's nice to see Hanako come out of her shell a little... but i what took me out of it was the VN choice box in the second part. i'm pretty sure most other people have said this before but the choice boxes are just disruptive and takes you out of the story. AKA there a big nono in writing. - LS

Uh oh...

I just thought it was a cute reference. But if anyone else thinks I should lose it, I will.

it was cute but i was instantly taken out of the scene when i saw it. maybe a little harsh but it's just my opinion.

No biggie.I'll just wait and see if anyone else comments on it. If they do, I'll take it out. Not like I'm all that attached to it anyway. Meanwhile, I've made a few minor fixes that Brogurt suggested earlier. If anyone else spots any, please let me know.

Encouragement for Phil is always in order. Keep it up, mon.

Well I find this to be a nice little bite sized sweet of a Fanfiction. Nothing too deep, just a fast enjoyable read. I do think you need to work some on your formatting, but really I shouldn't be talking about that.

As for the story... Heh, yeah it was cute. I don't see Hanako going right to a swimsuit, but I do think that once she fully realizes that Hisao isn't turned off by her body/ Likes how she looks, she might do it in private for him. I also think she'll be a little embaresed if she finds out Akira saw her in that outfit. Also love the art.

I wish I had some talent for drawing... you drew hanako very good

looks like the story format and tha narration has improved, good job!
I really liked the dialogs of lilly and akira, very funny and precise.
keep up the good work