Re: Scar Crossed Lovers (OCXHanako) (Update 3-15-13- CH 2)
Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 11:37 pm
Still a lot of jumping between tenses, but at least this time I can recognize you intended to write past tense. Try to get rid of the present tense passages and you'll be good.
Personally I think your characterization of Hanako is a bit over the top, but like I said that's just me.
One comment I forgot to make about chapter 1 - I hope you have a good reason why the reason your OC is in Yamaku isn't in hiis medical record... That kind of defeats the purpose of a medical record, doesn't it?
Personally I think your characterization of Hanako is a bit over the top, but like I said that's just me.
One comment I forgot to make about chapter 1 - I hope you have a good reason why the reason your OC is in Yamaku isn't in hiis medical record... That kind of defeats the purpose of a medical record, doesn't it?