Re: Beyond the Rain: (Hisao x Lilly) (18+) *Updated:05/26/13
Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 12:33 am
Having dreams of sight were terrifying. They were rare, but they were by far and wide the worst type of nightmare. Brilliant flashes of what others would describe as color, pulsating and undulating with no rhyme or reason. I wouldn't know what colors to describe them as, or even if they are colors... how do you even define that? Some remind me of the heat of fire, and the tales of my childhood of where the bad people go - Some of soft skies and cold earth. I feel them scream to a halt as quickly as they come, this dream too will end.
I feel no light of day on my skin, yet I'm unsure if it's night. I call my hands to attention to reach for the alarm clock; yet movement doesn't come. I can't will my limbs to life. My entire body burns like I ran from the hounds of hell themselves. Where am I again? Did I really take my own life? What is this, still a dream? I try and focus my senses to the best of my ability, yet the only thing wholly functional is my own mind it feels.
My hearing is muted, yet I can hear in the deep distance a million miles away a subtle mechanical squelch in time with my own heart.
That wasn't a dream.
I climbed that railing. I leaned forward and let go.
The rushing feeling of the fall is replicated now washing over my entire body and chilling it yet again. If my limbs could move I would shiver with all my might, yet all I can feel is my lips quiver. I really let go. I'm not as strong as I once thought myself to be.
I'm tired of being alone. Why did it not work? I'm tired of being a burden, and now they'll know my pristine little guise was a fraud. I thought I was done with it. I thought I could be happy with someone I loved. I'm tired of it all, yet they still rescued me.
I focus every ounce of will I have to ball my hands into a fist. I'm so angry at myself, I let it come to this. My wrists shout static back at the command. My right hand eventually closes to a fist, my left however has an object already in it which I can't define. Whatever is in my left wraps fully around my hand now, and squeezes it back.
I know.
This hand.
You stupid, stupid bastard Hisao. I've never felt so much pain and relief at once. Tears roll down my face unabated. His hand sweeps across my face to brush both the hair and tears out of my face.
"... perhaps misunderstood." is all I catch from my father. His voice is always the easiest to pick up, loud and voluminousness - it expands to fill any room he's in. I suppose the whole family is here. What a dolt I must look like, as I certainly feel it.
"Hello all. May I ask what time it is?" my voice in direct contradiction barely makes it out of my own lips.
"4:00 P.M. Good afternoon sleepyhead." Akira's sarcasm never fails to yield at the least a weak smile. Akira continues, "You going to greet the stranger playing all touchy-feely with you?"
I muster a short laugh followed by a, "Good afternoon, Hisao."
"Good afternoon." his voice is rich and sweet. It feels so good to hear it again. I squeeze his hand a little harder. "I always believe in a good firm handshake." his jovial voice causes a laugh among the whole room, especially with father. Oh my, that must mean he's met my family since he's in here with them. I sincerely hope he's okay.
I feel Hisao's voice now directed towards the opposite side of the room, "I suppose I came at the right time, neh?" Father's laugh rings out again, "Ahh perhaps." Inside joke I guess?
I feel so tired although relieved. What all do they, and what does Hisao know? I wish I could stay awake but my body protests simply too vehemently. Don't go anywhere Hisao, I'll be back. I just need my rest, truly.
-------------------------------------
I awake again to a room of laughter. They should really show some civility in a hospital. "... she never was a... how do you say it... morning person." I catch out of Hisao; their laughter renewed again. I can't help but laugh at the fact that he must be making a joke at my expense. Cute, but he's still totally a jerk. I manage a wriggle out of my arms, at the expense of not entirely too much pain.
My father roars, "Speak of the devil."
This time my laughter is vocalized. It feels good being surrounded by many I love. Why was it not like this in the weeks before? As silence dies down it's time for my two cents, "Judging from the nap, I'm not an afternoon person either." I hear Akira's distinctive knee slap in mirth. Well at this particular moment, the room doesn't hate me at least. I pull my arms back and sit up against the back of the bed. Despite the current smile I can't help but question in the back of my head if they knew what really happened. As I finish propping myself up I feel lips strike the side of my cheek.
"Okay now Hisao, I'm not sure I like you that much yet," my father following up the statement with a guffaw. My cheeks flush with heat.
"I know, but at least we all know where we stand." comes from the face close to mine. My father's retort follows, "Yeah well I'm just glad you didn't kiss my wife as kindly," laughter comes from all but Akira who continues the statement, "That was the least awkward introduction I believe I've ever seen. Mother going for the kiss on the cheek, while Hisao is going for a handshake and a hug at the same time." I can't help but smile too and the situation.
"Yeah well... I'm uh... not familiar with Scottish... customs?" I now realize that Hisao is speaking English. I wouldn't say it's fluent, but it's certainly not bad. I snake an arm around his waist to bring him into a hug. He isn't wearing a sweater-vest. Twill? Is this a dress shirt? I don't really have time to question it as he wraps around me too.
"Not my fault, she went in to hug me." Hisao mock-protests, probably against the locked eyes inevitably coming from my family. I hear father rise from a chair, groaning slightly in relief against the stress relieved from it. His large hand cut though the air in front of Hisao and I. Hisao releases our embrace and meets his grasp.
"You're a good man Hisao. I'm sorry my stay in Japan was so swift. You remind me a lot of myself when I was younger, at least in the wrong ways." His laugh is a calm and kind one. It's rare to hear father's laughter, but he has had quite a lot of it today. It truly helps put me at ease.
"I thank you for the praise." Hisao stops for a moment, "I also appreciate the English practice. Would you mind if we went to Japanese for a bit though?" Finally I feel their handshake break. Father's reply is in his native tongue, "Of course".
Hisao takes a deep breath, he's steeling himself for something again. "Thank you. I am sorry I was irresponsible about a lot of things, not least of all making this trip a secret. It was really dumb, I wasn't thinking. I should have planned this out responsibly and respectfully, and furthermore I'm sorry this accident hap-" I try and keep my face a stone. They think this was an accident. "-pened. I am sorr-"
His voice this time is interrupted by father, "Oh stop it Hisao. You're a damn teenager. When I said you remind me of myself for a reason I meant it," I hear mother stifle a giggle from the corner. "and you know this incident wasn't your or anyone's fault." My head feels hot. "You have my respect, appreciate it, and stop saying sorry - understood? We can chalk this whole thing up to an interesting flavor of a bonding moment."
The following conversation is light and jovial, I join in as well. It feels good to be back, the truth can always wait.
I feel no light of day on my skin, yet I'm unsure if it's night. I call my hands to attention to reach for the alarm clock; yet movement doesn't come. I can't will my limbs to life. My entire body burns like I ran from the hounds of hell themselves. Where am I again? Did I really take my own life? What is this, still a dream? I try and focus my senses to the best of my ability, yet the only thing wholly functional is my own mind it feels.
My hearing is muted, yet I can hear in the deep distance a million miles away a subtle mechanical squelch in time with my own heart.
That wasn't a dream.
I climbed that railing. I leaned forward and let go.
The rushing feeling of the fall is replicated now washing over my entire body and chilling it yet again. If my limbs could move I would shiver with all my might, yet all I can feel is my lips quiver. I really let go. I'm not as strong as I once thought myself to be.
I'm tired of being alone. Why did it not work? I'm tired of being a burden, and now they'll know my pristine little guise was a fraud. I thought I was done with it. I thought I could be happy with someone I loved. I'm tired of it all, yet they still rescued me.
I focus every ounce of will I have to ball my hands into a fist. I'm so angry at myself, I let it come to this. My wrists shout static back at the command. My right hand eventually closes to a fist, my left however has an object already in it which I can't define. Whatever is in my left wraps fully around my hand now, and squeezes it back.
I know.
This hand.
You stupid, stupid bastard Hisao. I've never felt so much pain and relief at once. Tears roll down my face unabated. His hand sweeps across my face to brush both the hair and tears out of my face.
"... perhaps misunderstood." is all I catch from my father. His voice is always the easiest to pick up, loud and voluminousness - it expands to fill any room he's in. I suppose the whole family is here. What a dolt I must look like, as I certainly feel it.
"Hello all. May I ask what time it is?" my voice in direct contradiction barely makes it out of my own lips.
"4:00 P.M. Good afternoon sleepyhead." Akira's sarcasm never fails to yield at the least a weak smile. Akira continues, "You going to greet the stranger playing all touchy-feely with you?"
I muster a short laugh followed by a, "Good afternoon, Hisao."
"Good afternoon." his voice is rich and sweet. It feels so good to hear it again. I squeeze his hand a little harder. "I always believe in a good firm handshake." his jovial voice causes a laugh among the whole room, especially with father. Oh my, that must mean he's met my family since he's in here with them. I sincerely hope he's okay.
I feel Hisao's voice now directed towards the opposite side of the room, "I suppose I came at the right time, neh?" Father's laugh rings out again, "Ahh perhaps." Inside joke I guess?
I feel so tired although relieved. What all do they, and what does Hisao know? I wish I could stay awake but my body protests simply too vehemently. Don't go anywhere Hisao, I'll be back. I just need my rest, truly.
-------------------------------------
I awake again to a room of laughter. They should really show some civility in a hospital. "... she never was a... how do you say it... morning person." I catch out of Hisao; their laughter renewed again. I can't help but laugh at the fact that he must be making a joke at my expense. Cute, but he's still totally a jerk. I manage a wriggle out of my arms, at the expense of not entirely too much pain.
My father roars, "Speak of the devil."
This time my laughter is vocalized. It feels good being surrounded by many I love. Why was it not like this in the weeks before? As silence dies down it's time for my two cents, "Judging from the nap, I'm not an afternoon person either." I hear Akira's distinctive knee slap in mirth. Well at this particular moment, the room doesn't hate me at least. I pull my arms back and sit up against the back of the bed. Despite the current smile I can't help but question in the back of my head if they knew what really happened. As I finish propping myself up I feel lips strike the side of my cheek.
"Okay now Hisao, I'm not sure I like you that much yet," my father following up the statement with a guffaw. My cheeks flush with heat.
"I know, but at least we all know where we stand." comes from the face close to mine. My father's retort follows, "Yeah well I'm just glad you didn't kiss my wife as kindly," laughter comes from all but Akira who continues the statement, "That was the least awkward introduction I believe I've ever seen. Mother going for the kiss on the cheek, while Hisao is going for a handshake and a hug at the same time." I can't help but smile too and the situation.
"Yeah well... I'm uh... not familiar with Scottish... customs?" I now realize that Hisao is speaking English. I wouldn't say it's fluent, but it's certainly not bad. I snake an arm around his waist to bring him into a hug. He isn't wearing a sweater-vest. Twill? Is this a dress shirt? I don't really have time to question it as he wraps around me too.
"Not my fault, she went in to hug me." Hisao mock-protests, probably against the locked eyes inevitably coming from my family. I hear father rise from a chair, groaning slightly in relief against the stress relieved from it. His large hand cut though the air in front of Hisao and I. Hisao releases our embrace and meets his grasp.
"You're a good man Hisao. I'm sorry my stay in Japan was so swift. You remind me a lot of myself when I was younger, at least in the wrong ways." His laugh is a calm and kind one. It's rare to hear father's laughter, but he has had quite a lot of it today. It truly helps put me at ease.
"I thank you for the praise." Hisao stops for a moment, "I also appreciate the English practice. Would you mind if we went to Japanese for a bit though?" Finally I feel their handshake break. Father's reply is in his native tongue, "Of course".
Hisao takes a deep breath, he's steeling himself for something again. "Thank you. I am sorry I was irresponsible about a lot of things, not least of all making this trip a secret. It was really dumb, I wasn't thinking. I should have planned this out responsibly and respectfully, and furthermore I'm sorry this accident hap-" I try and keep my face a stone. They think this was an accident. "-pened. I am sorr-"
His voice this time is interrupted by father, "Oh stop it Hisao. You're a damn teenager. When I said you remind me of myself for a reason I meant it," I hear mother stifle a giggle from the corner. "and you know this incident wasn't your or anyone's fault." My head feels hot. "You have my respect, appreciate it, and stop saying sorry - understood? We can chalk this whole thing up to an interesting flavor of a bonding moment."
The following conversation is light and jovial, I join in as well. It feels good to be back, the truth can always wait.