Katawa Shoujo Forums

Just wanted to drop by and thank everyone for the kind words. It's always wonderful to get feedback at all - let alone so positive.

Mirage_GSM wrote:Yes, quite a way to leave a first impression^^°
I was a bit surprised by this part. From the prologue, our OC didn't seem to be the kind to be influenced by Kenji so easily...

Was wondering if this would come across as accidental or intentional - guess I have my answer! Yori is a bit out of his own noggin at this point, that's for sure. I'll have to try harder to better convey things like this in the future.

The walkways of Yamaku are depressingly empty. Not a soul in sight - and the loneliness is only intensified by the steady dusting of rain. I hopelessly wander for several minutes, and it feels as though I am growing more and more lost - as though I am plunging deeper into a hedge maze from which there is no exit. Free, yet trapped.

After some time, I stumble upon a solitary post that protrudes from a fork in the pathway, indicating the direction of a number of the school’s facilities. Male and female dorms, a pool, the main building... and the administration offices. My footsteps on the wet cobblestone are the only reminder that I exist - that I haven’t melted into the rain, forming some regrettable puddle of aloneness and self-pity.

Luckily, the walk to the administration offices isn’t a long one. Like Yamaku’s other buildings, the administration is far more ornate than is comfortable, giving it an air of pompousness and self-imposed bureaucracy. A number of Ionic columns form a front porch, under which a lone man stands, locking the doors to the building. He is pencil-thin with white hair, and is wearing an old-fashioned wool jacket. I jog up to him just as he finishes locking the door and turns around. Luckily, the alcohol was worn off enough as to raise no suspicion. “Hello,” I greet him. He jumps in surprise upon seeing me.

“Hello there, can I help you?” he asks, regaining his composure. His face is as skinny as the rest of his body, and he wears thin-rimmed glasses on the end of his lengthy nose. He looks down at the suitcases I tote. “You must be the new student, I suppose? What was it again...” he asks, rubbing his brow in deep thought.

“Yes, that’s me. Yori Kuroki. I just arrived today.” The man’s face relaxes in a moment of recognition.

“Ah, yes, that’s right. I’d read over your transfer files from your old high school. Well, welcome to Yamaku, Kuroki. I’m sure you’ll be a terrific addition to the student body. You can call me Mr. Tanaka.” Well, it was a predictable welcome, but a nice one at that. Plus, maybe some predictability is exactly what I need in my life.

“Pleased to meet you Mr. Tanaka - and thanks, I appreciate it. I uh, I was told to come by here to pick up my room key. Sorry I’m a little late, I got kind of... sidetracked...” The man smiles, unlocking the door.

“It’s no trouble, really. I was wondering why that thing had been sitting around all day.”

As we step inside, Tanaka switches on the blindingly bright lights. The interior feels sterile. The polished linoleum floors and eggshell walls look as though they’ve come straight out of a hospital. Desks are neatly arranged in rows, each with numerous photographs of smiling children or motivational quotes cluttering its surface. Tanaka leads me to his desk. His desk is no different from any other: a small picture of a smiling woman holding a baby is angled toward his chair. A family man. From the drawers, he produces a dossier with my name on it. He opens the folder, scanning over some documents before pulling a pair of keys from it. The room number is etched on the handle - 224. “So, Mr. Kuroki - what do you think of Yamaku so far?” he asks, setting the file down on his desk.

“It’s very nice. I uh... I like the atmosphere.”

Tanaka laughs, shaking his head.“You know Kuroki, I’ve seen a lot of students come and go. And almost all of them feel a little bit like a fish out of water at first. What’s important is that you just give it a go. You’ll get used to it.”

“Thanks, I appreciate the advice.”

For a moment, we both stand silently. Tanaka’s eyes trace over me, as though trying to memorize my appearance. The rest of him is lost in thought.
“Well, if it’s no trouble, Mr. Tanaka, I’d like to visit my room. Set my bags down.”
Tanaka snaps back to attention, smiling. “Of course, of course. I imagine today must’ve been quite tiring for you, Mr. Kuroki. Please forgive my talkativeness. It’s just not every day that I get to meet a new student. You understand. Will you be needing any help navigating the grounds?”

“No, thank you, though. I think I understand the general layout well enough now.”

Tanaka nods, straightening his coat and gesturing towards the door. “Shall we, then?”

We go our separate ways, and wave goodbye to each other. It had been a strange encounter, but it was nice to talk to someone that wasn’t Kenji. Nice talking to someone who made me feel welcome.

The rain has stopped, and the sky cleared - revealing a brilliantly dark sky filled with stars scattered to each corner of its expanses. Living by the city, I’d never really seen them like this - shining brilliantly against the backdrop of infinity. It’s strange - they’re always there. Always looking down on me, day or night - whether I can see them or not. Silent observers. Somewhere, someone else is looking up at the exact same stars. I don’t feel so lonely anymore - and the night doesn’t feel quite so cold.


I walk down the hallway of the male dorm, until arriving at my door - 224. Slipping in the key, I step into my new home. Although “home” is a stretch. The bare walls are a reminder that this place is not my own. Each room is exactly like the next. Cookie cutter. Copy paste. I set down my suitcases on the floor, only to hear something crinkle beneath them. It’s an envelope that someone must’ve slid under the door earlier today. I open it as I sit on the dusty old mattress. The letter is typed on elaborate stationary.

“To Yori Kuroki, as members of the student council, it is both our pleasure and our duty to welcome you to Yamaku Academy. We trust that you will enjoy your stay here, and will do our best to accommodate you during your initial days of acclimation. Tomorrow, after class, it’d be our pleasure to show you around the school grounds. We hope you’ll join us. Sincerely, Shizune Hakamichi and Shiina Mikado”

I let the letter drop to the floor, my eyes heavy with fatigue. My last thoughts of the day are of friends, of family, and of home.

--------------------------------------------

I stand outside the classroom nervously, shuffling my feet as I strain to hear through the classroom door. Mutou, the man who’d been introduced as my teacher, lectures the class about giving the new student a good first impression. There’s a knot in my stomach. My head feels like a traffic jam. I’m about to meet my new family. I hear Mutou’s muffled footsteps grow progressively closer as he moves towards the classroom door. “So, without further ado, please welcome Mr. Kuroki,” Mutou announces, pulling open the door. The class claps as I step inside. Or, at least some do. The knot in my stomach moves up to my throat, and my legs stiffen. Welcome home. A girl with pink drill-hair waves excitedly at me. “So, Mr. Kuroki, would you like to introduce yourself to the class?” Mutou asks, standing behind his desk.

“Uh, sure. I’d love to,” I respond, though I can’t help but think it would’ve been nice if he’d had asked me earlier, in private. I hate public speaking. “My name is Yori Kuroki. I came here after a stay in the hospital...” an invisible lightning bolt passes through the students. Right. Don’t talk about hospitals. “I look forward to going to school here with you. I, uh, I like reading. And maybe some writing.” I feel like a square peg in a round hole. This is going terribly. The drill-haired girl looks on intently, flashing different signs to the girl next to her. I hope she’s not describing how awkward I sound. Mutou, sensing my distress a bit later than I’d have liked, steps in.

“Well, we’re all delighted to have you as part of the class, Kuroki. Why don’t you pull up a seat in the back? Today we’re discussing Newton’s Laws of Cooling.” The class collectively groans, pulling out their textbooks from desks and backpacks. It’s a comfortingly normal response.

The class goes off without a hitch - though that’s probably because I spend most of it avoiding eye contact with any and everyone. The bell rings, and Mutou raises his voice above the clamor of students packing up. “Just a reminder class, the test on heat transfer is next week. And start studying now if you want to do well!” Before I can pack up my books, the drill-haired girl stands over me.

“Hahaha~! Did you get the letter we sent, Yori-chan?” Yori-chan? Ugh. One of those girls.

“I did, but uh... who’s we?” I ask as I finish putting my books away.

“Wahaha~! I’m Misha. And this is Shicchan~,” she laughs, stopping as she recognizes that her friend has not followed her over. “Er, one moment, please!” Misha darts over to the girl she’d been signing at earlier. The two look back at me, and Misha leads her over by the hand. The girl Misha had called Shicchan dexterously moves her fingers, never breaking eye contact with me. Misha looks on, her eyes tracing the movements. “Shicchan says hello!”

“Er, Shicchan?”

Misha gasps, realizing the informality of her mistake. “Hakamichi! Shizune Hakamichi!”

“Thank you. Pleased to meet you both.” Misha laughs and signs something to Shizune, who reciprocates.

“We’re both pleased to meet you too, Yori-chan!” Shizune signs something to Misha, whose eyes widen. “Shicchan wants to know if you’ve thought about our offer?” Offer? Oh crap, the tour of the school. I had totally forgotten.

“I’d love to. Is there anywhere we should start in particular?” I had never thought such a simple question could cause such a commotion. Shizune and Misha are caught in a debate - heated in its silence. Their hands fly at extreme speeds, and it amazes me that either can understand the other. Misha turns to me and smiles.

“Shicchan thinks that because you like reading, we should start the tour in the library! Does that sounds okay to you?” I’m honestly surprised that she had paid attention to my entire introduction.

“Lead the way.”

Well he got out of that jam smoothly enough. Probably helps that there are so many medical conditions that could cover the symptoms of being drunk.

The transition to being in the classroom was quite abrupt. At first I thought it was a dream on his part.

griffon8 wrote:The transition to being in the classroom was quite abrupt. At first I thought it was a dream on his part.

Apologies. One of my biggest struggles while writing is trying to determine how much to write about any given thing, and if something is worth including. For example, there is this jump in time because it's very much so an ordinary morning for Yori. I didn't feel as though I could work anything into the morning sequence between falling asleep to the classroom that wouldn't be trite or "trying too hard." It's very much a problem from me, and I'm doing my best to work through it. Thank you for the feedback. Is there anything else that rubbed you the wrong way / didn't work for you?

I was a little surprised that Yori figured out Shizune's deaf, but maybe I'm just too used to Hisao. ^^'

OtakuNinja wrote:I was a little surprised that Yori figured out Shizune's deaf, but maybe I'm just too used to Hisao. ^^'

Interesting. To me, Yori is a bit... er, sharper than Hisao. He's keenly aware of the situation he's in, because he's uncomfortable - not unlike how your senses are heightened when you're scared. That being said, I don't know how well I pull that off in writing. Any suggestions or things you didn't like?

For example, there is this jump in time because it's very much so an ordinary morning for Yori. I didn't feel as though I could work anything into the morning sequence between falling asleep to the classroom that wouldn't be trite or "trying too hard."

You don't need to write a segue at this point, but some indication that a new scene is beginning should be included, e.g.:

I let the letter drop to the floor, my eyes heavy with fatigue. My last thoughts of the day are of friends, of family, and of home.

***

I stand outside the classroom nervously,...

Mirage_GSM wrote:You don't need to write a segue at this point, but some indication that a new scene is beginning should be included, e.g.:

I let the letter drop to the floor, my eyes heavy with fatigue. My last thoughts of the day are of friends, of family, and of home.

***

I stand outside the classroom nervously,...

Thank you. I had meant to double-space the paragraphs there, though even that would've been perhaps a bit too passive. Edited it, and I think it works much better now. Thanks again.

TonyTwoFingers wrote:

OtakuNinja wrote:I was a little surprised that Yori figured out Shizune's deaf, but maybe I'm just too used to Hisao. ^^'

Interesting. To me, Yori is a bit... er, sharper than Hisao. He's keenly aware of the situation he's in, because he's uncomfortable - not unlike how your senses are heightened when you're scared. That being said, I don't know how well I pull that off in writing. Any suggestions or things you didn't like?

Maybe you could point out that he noticed Shizune is deaf?

There was also this part: "I’m Misha. And this is Shicchan"
I'm not sure if you did this deliberately, but as far as I know, 'Shicchan' can be used as a nickname for both Shizune and Shiina. It must've been confusing for Yori.

OtakuNinja wrote:Maybe you could point out that he noticed Shizune is deaf?

I definitely could - I have a tendency to over-think my writing, and things like this happen. Solid advice, and I'll try to incorporate it into my writing.

Shizune silently gravitates toward a shelf of books, immediately eyeing and grabbing several volumes. Misha stands in the center of the library with me, her thin veneer of affected excitement not managing to hide her disinterest. “Here you are Yori-chan, the library!” she exclaims loudly enough to draw the ire of a number of diligently working students. Apparently unaware of the disturbance she’s generating, she continues. “It’s too quiet for me. What do you think, Yori-chan?”

“I kind of like the library vibe. Everything feels so peaceful,” I explain, fidgeting a little as my new classmates resume their work. “And calm.” Misha looks puzzled - as though I had just said that I would enjoy an all-expenses-paid weekend trip to root canal camp.

“Whatever you say Yori-chan.” Shizune is suddenly upon us once again, carrying a sizable stack of thick academic books, topped with a single paperback light novel. Hands full, she simply nods in the direction of the librarian’s desk. Misha nods back, signing something quickly before Shizune darts off to check out her selection. “Shicchan will be back in just a little bit, Yori-chan! Why don’t you take a look around and see if there’s anything you want to borrow~?”

“You don’t mind?”

“Of course not! I’ll go help Shicchan with her books. See you in a few minutes!” And with that, Misha scurries off to the front counter, where a flustered looking woman on the verge of tears struggles to understand Shizune’s signing.

The library isn’t dissimilar from that of my old high school. A bit larger, granted - but it feels similar. The familiar smells of aging paper, the soft lighting, and the all-enveloping silence make me feel almost at home. Wandering between the shelves feels like reverting to normalcy - like returning to my old life. The endless volumes are all organized in the same manner they were back home. Each book has two it fits between - a place in the world defined by the places of others. A place to belong. All except one - a single book left carelessly atop a row of books for someone more responsible to replace. I sigh, picking it up. Surprisingly, the book has no cover art. It is eggshell white, and totally blank - with the exception of a number of elevated bumps spanning the cover. Braille? I tuck the book under my arm, making my way back to Misha and Shizune. I’ve already made them wait longer than is polite... I hope the librarian will be able to help put this book back where it belongs.

Back at the front desk, Shizune and Misha are speaking to the woman I’d seen earlier. She appears to have calmed considerably since then, and is sorting through an impressively large stack of returned books. “Hi Yori-chan~! Did you find anything you want to read?” Misha inquires, her eyes drifting down towards the peculiar book in my arms. “Ooooh! What did you get?” she adds, doing a little dance.

“Well, I actually wasn’t looking to check this book out. In fact, I was wondering if you might be able to help me out,” I say, turning to the woman behind the counter.

“Of course, I’ll do my best,” the woman assures.

“I’m Yori, by the way. Pleased to meet you.”

“Yori-chan, this is Yuuko~! She’s the librarian! If you need any help, she can do it!” Misha exclaims, sending the librarian into a strong fit of blushing and bumbling.

“I can try to help you if you n-need it...” Yuuko stutters, extending her trembling hand.

I offer her the book, which she rotates confusedly until accidentally brushing her hand over the braille. Her face lights up in a moment of clarity. “It’s the copy of Great Expectations that we just ordered not too long ago. Someone must’ve taken it out of the braille section by mistake. I was wondering where it had gone off to!”

“You have an entire section for books in braille?” I ask, Shizune and Misha occupying themselves with small talk while they wait. Yuuko nods.

“We’re quite proud of it. Many of the students here are blind, and we do our best to accommodate them. It’s nice to be able to give them an escape. Especially because for a lot of them, reading about a sunset is the closest they’ll ever get to seeing one.” She suddenly turns a shade of bright red, and resumes her stuttering. “Sorry! That probably sounded so silly!”

Misha interrupts with one of her raucous laughs. “Wahaha~! Yuuko, you’re so deep!” Yuuko is now a shade of red resembling firetruck camouflage - and her eyes are welling up at an alarming rate. Shizune grabs Misha by the shoulder, wearing an impatient look on her face. The two exchange several signs, and Misha looks more and more as though she’s losing some kind of argument - her shoulders progressively drooping lower and lower, and her effervescence diffusing into the room. Finally, she turns back to the desk. “Sorry, Yuuko. Shicchan is worried that I embarrassed you. I didn’t mean to, though!” Yuuko straightens her back, and adjusts her glasses.

“That’s okay, Misha. I’m alright. Yori, could I ask you a favor?” she asks, as Shizune begins accosting Misha once again.

“Sure Yuuko, what can I do?”

“A student in your grade had come by earlier looking for this copy, would you mind delivering it to her on my behalf?”

“Sure - seems like the least I could do after all the trouble we’ve caused,” I poke, shooting a look at Misha, whose discussion with Shizune appears to have grown far more casual in tone. “Who am I looking for?”

“Lilly Satou. She’s in class 3-2, but usually spends the afternoons in an unmarked room on this floor. Shizune and Misha could probably show you there without much trouble.”

“Sounds like a plan. Doesn’t sound like much of a pit-stop, either.” Yuuko slides me Great Expectations and thanks me graciously, returning to her stack of returned books.

Shizune approaches me, and using her free hand, makes some gestures to Misha. “Shicchan wants to know how you’re planning on reading that book, Yori-chan! You can’t read braille, can you?”

“No, I can’t. I’m delivering it to a student who was looking for it as a favor for Yuuko.”

“Ooooh! Yori-chan is such a gentleman! Wahaha~!”

“Something like that... anyways, I’m supposed to deliver this to a Lilly Satou. According to Yuuko, she spends her afternoons in some unmarked room on this floor. Do you know which one she’s talking about?” Misha’s face surprisingly slackens at the mention of Satou, opting to consult with Shizune before answering me. The two wear serious looks on their faces - though it looks slightly more natural for Shizune than it does for Misha. The discussion grows heated, with Shizune’s signing growing more intense and forceful with each passing moment. Misha finally whirls around to face me.

“We know the room Yori-chan! Shicchan wants to keep the stop short, though. Too much to see and too little time! Wahaha~!” And yet, something about her doesn’t match the cheery demeanor. She sounds like a child dodging trouble by pretending it isn’t there.

“Doesn’t sound like it’ll be too hard,” I respond, ignoring Misha’s off-putting vibes. I wave goodbye to Yuuko, who returns the gesture - only to knock several books from her pile onto the ground.

“D’awwww...”


Shizune briskly parades us down the hallway, her eyes ablaze with a passionate hunger. Misha trails only slightly behind, her hands folded behind her waist in vague apprehension of some looming disaster. Somewhere in the world, a canary in a mineshaft is flying for the nearest exit.

Shizune and Misha grind to a halt outside an unmarked door. “Is this the place?” I ask, knowing the answer fully well.

“Of course it is, Yori-chan. Go ahead, you can deliver the book now, Shicchan and I will wait here for you!”

“You’re not coming in with me?” I ask, as Misha smiles nervously. Shizune watches on in silent judgement.

“No, no, no. Shicchan just reminded me that we have to uh... get a homework assignment she left in the classroom!”

“But you just said that you’d wait h-” I begin, only to be cut off by Misha grabbing Shizune by the sleeve and forcefully guiding her down the hallway.

“Bye Yori-chan! We’ll be back in just a few minutes!” she shouts over Shizune’s silent protests, leaving me alone. Through the thin door, I can barely discern the sounds of hushed conversation and clattering chinaware. I rap on the door, clutching the book to my chest. The conversation halts abruptly, before someone calls out.

“It’s unlocked. Please help yourself in!”


The room is bathed in afternoon sunlight, and smells distinctly of tea leaves. In the center of the room two girls are seated at a table, each with a teacup in hand. The taller of the two wears her wavy golden hair in a loose ponytail, kept in order by a black ribbon. She keeps her eyes closed as she blows softly across the top of her cup before gingerly sipping from it. Across the table, the other girl hastily brushes her hair across the right side of her face - evidently to conceal the burn scars running down her cheek, and indeed, beyond. Her tea seems untouched, and is set conscientiously atop a floral-patterned coaster. The blonde girl sets down her tea cup, and slowly opens her eyes. “May we help you?” she asks, as the girl across the table fiddles with the ends of her hair, obscuring her face.

“I... I’m looking for Lilly Satou. I was told she might be in this room?”

The blonde girl smiles, and motions for me to come further into the room. “Well, you’ve done an admirable job. I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of meeting yet. I am Lilly Satou, and this is my close friend Hanako Ikezawa.” The girl named Hanako ducks further behind her hands, though she keeps her eyes watchfully trained on me through her fingers.

“Nice to meet both of you. I’m new here - my name’s Yori Kuroki.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Yori. You had mentioned that you’d been looking for me - may I ask why?”

“Ah, right. Yuuko asked for me to deliver this to you,” I explain, offering the book towards her.

“Yuuko? What is it?” she inquires. I keep the book extended before remembering why she hasn’t grabbed it yet. Hanako looks down, silently.

“Oh, it’s a copy of Great Expectations. Apparently you’d been looking for it?” Lilly’s face glows as she produces her hands.

“How terrific! I’d hoped to check it out for some time. Tell me Yori, are you a fan of Dickens’s work?” she asks, as I gently guide Great Expectations into her hands, which envelop the book with uncanny precision and tact.

“I’m not overly-familiar. I once read David Copperfield for a book report, though.” This earns me a brilliant smile - though a delicate one, defined by the subtle movement of her lips and the plumping of her cheeks.

“One of his more familiar pieces, to be sure. It is renowned for a reason, though.” Lilly sips from her cup, and Hanako does her best to avoid eye contact. Thundering footsteps in the hallway announce Misha’s doubtless return, and slow to a halt just outside the doorway. “Sounds like your friends have come back for you, Yori.”

“Oh, you’re right. I should probably go, they’re giving me the grand tour - it’d be rude to keep them waiting,” I admit reluctantly, hesitant to leave the pleasant scene.

“Of course, of course. But please, you’ll have to join us for tea one day!”

“I’d love to. We’ll have to work the details out some time.” Lilly nods, smiling.

“We’ll have to.”

This is the only mistake I picked up on.

TonyTwoFingers wrote: “Bye Hicchan! We’ll be back in just a few minutes!”

Damn, and it took me a while to notice what is wrong with that ^^°

demonix wrote:This is the only mistake I picked up on.

TonyTwoFingers wrote: “Bye Hicchan! We’ll be back in just a few minutes!”

Well, that was embarrassing. Fixed it - thanks for the eagle eyes!

A great chapter. Looking forward to the next.