Katawa Shoujo Forums

You're such a slowpoke when it comes to updates, Stein. Anyways:

It's good that you've got the beginning of the story sorted out for each character. I wish you luck, as many authors that try to do the "Separate-character-plot-advancement" technique often leave readers confused, or at the very least, irked.

Misha confused is such a beautiful scene. I like how you're playing with the characters, without changing their personalities. As long as Misha is Misha and grass is green. I'm also wondering whether or not there'll be a guitar scene in Hayato's dorm.

As Oddball said, add something new. Rereading Hisao's footsteps isn't a pleasant thing, not that it's a problem in this chapter, but I feel like Shizune and Misha are treating Hayato the same exact way as they did the swaggervest counterpart. But, if that's the purpose of this scene, then I like.

Punctuation, punctuation. I'm a grammar Nazi sometimes, excuse the meme, so try to review by yourself or with a peer. Punctuation is usually a small matter, but people tend to overlook the big things because the small issues get annoying real fast. RichieBerry would probably love to help.

Otherwise, I have nothing else to say. Misha should totally get some parfait action in the next two chapters, though.

I like this. Keep it up

I'm kinda embarassed I only found out about this because Stein sent me an IM. Really liking this so far, and Gustav seems like a nice guy. He'd better be if he's going to be going after our Hanako.

Im enjoying this pretty far. For some reason I feel as though Hayato is a little arrogant. I don't really have much evidence to back that up, but its just a vibe. I really like both characters though. Can't wait to see how the story continues.

carrion_crow wrote:Im enjoying this pretty far. For some reason I feel as though Hayato is a little arrogant. I don't really have much evidence to back that up, but its just a vibe. I really like both characters though. Can't wait to see how the story continues.

Maybe he is a bit. Thats why he's in the mess he's in right now.

I don't have a problem with a character whos a bit cocky, as long as hes not a compete dick. It makes a nice counterpoint to his brothers quiet nature.

First off: I'm currently working on scene 6 as I type this. So, yeah.
Second:

pandaphil wrote:I'm kinda embarassed I only found out about this because Stein sent me an IM. Really liking this so far, and Gustav seems like a nice guy. He'd better be if he's going to be going after our Hanako.

I am really amazed you haven't looked at my signature Panda. We post in 90% of the same topics often

pandaphil wrote:

carrion_crow wrote:Im enjoying this pretty far. For some reason I feel as though Hayato is a little arrogant. I don't really have much evidence to back that up, but its just a vibe. I really like both characters though. Can't wait to see how the story continues.

Maybe he is a bit. Thats why he's in the mess he's in right now.

I don't have a problem with a character whos a bit cocky, as long as hes not a compete dick. It makes a nice counterpoint to his brothers quiet nature.

Hayato's personality is supposed to counteract Gustav's. That's all I'm saying on it now, as more will be explained later on.

I completely agree with you panda, I really just hope he doesn't turn into a sick or has a major superiority complex

Scene 6: Meeting in the Library

I wake up and look at my clock. Surprisingly it’s not ridiculously early like yesterday was. I still have a short while before classes start after I finish my routine though. However as I get back to my room to grab my schoolbag I see Hisao on his way to the showers.

“Guten Tag, Hisao.” I say to him. He looks at me puzzled.

“What?”

“Good morning.”

“Oh, good morning to you too. You settling in well?”

“A bit. I keep waking up too damn early but otherwise everything is going fine.”
He gives a short chuckle.
“Yeah, I thought I woke up early but it seems you kind of beat me in that department.”

“Well Hayato and I used to have to get up much earlier since we lived a bit of ways away from our old High School. I seem to still be in that sleep schedule however” I look over at Hayato’s door, still closed. “it seems Hayato’s been able to change his sleep schedule easier than I.”

“Makes sense, now not to be rude. But I need to clean up before class.”

“Sorry to distract you.”

“It’s no problem. We can talk more later ok?”

“Sure.”

I nod and he heads towards the showers. As I close my door I realize something. Hisao managed to keep eye contact with me even though I had forgotten to put my shirt on. Either he has immense self-control or he didn’t notice. Either way it doesn’t matter now. It is in the past. No need to dwell on it. I finish getting ready and head to class.

***

Class goes normally and I finish early. Hayato seems to be having issues, though it’s not with his work. He must have done something yesterday because Misha and Shizune won’t leave him alone. Not my place to intervene, although he probably wants me to. Eventually the bell rings for class to be over and looking up I see Miki.

“You wanted me to show you where library is today right? C’mon”

She tugs on my coat, which yesterday I realized somewhat matches the color of the school uniforms, albeit a darker shade of green. I nod and put away my things and stand up to take a place behind her. She leads me out of the room and down the hallway before starting to talk again.

“So, how do you like Yamaku so far big Guy?” God damn it, does everyone call me that?

“It’s a school. Not much else to say.”

“You’re a very quiet person aren’t you?”

Not sure if she’s commenting on the volume of my speech, or the amount I talk.

“Is that a comment on how much I talk? Or a comment on the volume of my voice?”

She tilts her head slightly, as if in thought.

“Both? I think?” I believe I’ve managed to confuse her.

“I speak quietly because my voice carries even when I speak softly, I don’t talk much because I prefer action over words.”

“That makes a bit more sense now.”

Yes, I think she’s confused. I contemplate exactly what to do next.

“I must ask Miki, what is there to do around here?” She stops to think for a few seconds.

“Hmm, I’m not really sure.” she says while tapping her chin. “There are a bunch of different clubs if you’re into that stuff.”

Now there’s something.
“What kind of clubs are there?”

“Well, there’s Track and Field, which I’m a member of, the Art club and the Book club but I think that one’s full.”

“I can only wonder why, I think it may have to do with many people here enjoying reading?”

“Prolly. I like running better.”

I can’t help but let out a low chuckle.
“I think I learned that already.”

“Yeah, I’m really sorry about that.”

“It’s fine, truth be told I think you took more damage than I did.”

“Yeah, your elbow is really hard.” she says while rubbing her chest, most likely remembering the impact point.

“I am sorry about that.” I feel bad about that.

“No, serves me right for running into a living wall. You’d do pretty good in some sports where standing your ground is a major thing.”

“Well I was the best boxer on my old school’s boxing team… until I had to retire that is.”

“Whatta you mean “retire”? How did that work?”

Oh boy. I don’t want to explain that story again.

“More like “forced to resign”. I’d rather not go into it right now. Maybe later?”

“Aww, okay.” She looks at me somewhat dejectedly.

“It wasn’t all that happy a reason Miki. That’s all I will say on that matter.”

“Okay, that’s better.”

I decide to finally ask her the question that’s nagging at me.
“Question: When are we going to reach the library?”

“We’ve been standing outside it for a little while. I thought you’dve noticed.”

I cover my face with my palm.
“I see. Well thank you for showing me where it is.”

“No problem.”

She waves and jogs off towards the exit. I turn around, open the door and walk in making sure to duck as usual. Entering the Library I’m slightly impressed by the size. It isn’t a small library like my previous school’s but isn’t overly large either. I’d say it’s more mid-sized than anything else. I look around to see if I can’t find either an easily labeled section, or the librarian. It seems neither of those are in here.

I walk up to the counter and place my hand down on it and look around it. I’m greeted by a thud below the counter and see a young woman jumping up from behind it, rubbing the back of her head.

“Oh, h-hello there. I wasn’t sleeping under the counter, I was looking for my eraser.”

I can’t help but blink in confusion.

“What?”

“Oh, sorry.” She looks extremely nervous about something. “Are you here to return a book?”

“I can’t return a book if I just got to this school.” Although I remember now I forgot to return a few books before coming here. Oops.

“O-oh. Sorry, sorry. I thought you were here return a book.”

“I am not. I am however here to look around to find a book to check out possibly.”

She seems to perk up slightly at this.
“Oh, is there anything specific you’re looking for?”

“The fiction section Ms.?”

My last comment seemed to have snapper her out of a daze of some kind.
“Shirakawa, Yuuko Shirakawa. The fiction section is over there.” She points to a corner of the library. “I hope you find something that interests you.”

I nod in thanks and walk towards the section she pointed to. Upon entering it I see that I am not alone in the library. Well, other than Yuuko it seems. There is a girl with dark hair I believe I recognize from my class, attempting to get a book from higher up on the shelf. She’s struggling to reach it, standing on her tip-toes. I can’t help but smile slightly as I watch her. I decide to lend a helping hand.
Walking over I see the book she’s trying to grab and pull it down. She gasps slightly and turns to look at me, her eyes wide in a nervous expression.

“Sorry. It seemed like you needed some help from someone with a few more centimeters on you”. I hold out the book to her. “And I would have felt horrible if I watched you fall down while trying to get this.”

Her eyes dart from the book to my face then back to the book.
“Th-thank you.” She takes the book extremely nervously, as if she’s expecting it to jump and bite her. I nod slightly.

“I’m Gustav, just transferred here.”

The girl nods.
“I-I know. You’re in m-my class.” She pauses as if trying to think of what to say next. “I’m H-Hanako.”

I smile and nod.
“Nice to meet you Hanako.”

She nods and quickly goes to sit down on one of the beanbag chairs nearby. I begin to comb through the books, hoping to find something that would be of interest me. Eventually I find a book that looks somewhat interesting, there seems to be no title on it though. No, wait. I flip the book so I can see the binding and realize the name is the number on the front cover. 1984. I suppose the title is of some importance and decide to take a seat. Dropping down onto the beanbag chair I hear my new acquaintance gasp slightly. I look over to her and see she’s staring at me, mouth slightly agape in shock.

“Sorry. Didn’t realize I’d make that much noise.”
She simply nods and goes back to her book. I begin to read, noticing out of the corner of my eye that she keeps looking at me for split second intervals before looking back to her book. Either she views me as extremely interesting, or she is nervous that I’m near her. I realize that the book I chose… isn’t my cup of tea. Shaking my head I close it and stand up to return it I hear Hanako make a small sound. I put the book away and look at her.

“Yes?”

“You d-didn’t like the b-book?”

I shake my head.
“Can’t say I did. There was too much oppression in it for my tastes.”

She nods a little bit.
“I d-didn’t really like it e-either.”

“Do you have any recommendations then Hanako?”

She seems to freeze up at my question.
“Umm… I-I don’t know what you’d l-like.”

I shrug.
“Science fiction, fantasy. Basically anything fiction.”

“O-oh. There’s a l-lot of those in t-this section.”

I nod a bit.
“I see, what book is that you’re reading?”

She doesn’t respond, aside from tilting the cover up so I can see the name. I make a mental note to check it out later on. We spend the next twenty minutes or so in silence, engrossed in our books.

Eventually she closes her book and stands up. I look over to her.

“Heading out?”

She freezes and looks at me.
“Y-yeah.” She nods her head and looks at me. I notice her fidgeting a bit.

“Something on your mind Hanako?”
Hanako looks at me like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. She blinks and nods her head slightly.

“K-kind of. D-Do you like tea?”

I feel myself perking up at that comment.
“I do, why do you ask?”

“I w-was going to g-go have some tea with my f-friend. Would you l-like to join?”

Hmm. A good question. I tap my chin for a few seconds then nod.
“That sounds good. Lead the way.”

Hanako turns towards the door and walks off, leaving me to catch up. I very easily do so and fall into step behind her. She remains silent and I get the feeling she’s uncomfortable around me. I don’t know why, although it may just be that she’s uncomfortable around people in general. That might be it. She stops and places a hand on the handle of a door. Opening it she steps into the room.

“H-Hello Lilly.”

She pauses for a second and I walk in behind her. I see the girl she’s obviously addressing and someone else.
“Oh, hello Hanako. You remember Hisao correct?”

Does this guy manage to teleport around the school? I mean, seriously.
Hanako nods.

“Y-yes I do.”
Hisao looks up and smiles at Hanako. He then looks up a bit more and sees me standing behind her.

“Oh, hey Gustav. Funny seeing you here.”

“I could say the same thing to you Hisao. Hello.”

At this the other girl turns towards Hanako and myself.
“Oh, who is this you brought with you Hanako?”

“H-He’s someone I m-met today.”

She turns to look at me, as if asking me to continue for her. I nod a bit.
“I’m Gustav. I’m a new student, pleasure to meet you.”

She smiles warmly.
“Likewise. I’m guessing you and Hisao know each other?”

Hisao chimes in before I can say anything.
“Yeah, he’s on the same floor as me. And we kind of bumped into each other a few times.”

I nod a bit.
“Essentially, yes. That‘s most of it. How did you meet him?”

Lilly smiles a bit.
“He walked in here while looking for the Library. I helped him find it.”

“Ah, I suppose that makes sense.”

“So Gustav, I’m assuming you’re staying for tea with us?”

I nod.
“Yes, Hanako invited me. I think.”

I look at her and she nods her head slightly.
“Y-Yeah.”

We spend the next few hours just sitting, talking and drinking tea. For the most part it went well I suppose. Hanako stayed quiet throughout the whole thing for the most part. She seems like a quiet girl. A bit shy as well. And the other one, Lilly. She seems to be the exact opposite of Hanako. Elegant, charismatic and outgoing. There must be something that caused them to be such good friends. The saying is “opposites attract” I believe.

We go our separate ways at the dorms. Hanako and Lilly going to the girl’s, Hisao and I going to the boy’s. Hisao is the one to break the silence.

“So, see you in class tomorrow?”

“I suppose. Why?”

“Just wondering.”

I nod.
“Yes, well I suppose we shall talk more then?”

He pulls his keys out of his pocket and nods a bit.
“Yeah, see you then.”

I wave goodbye to him and walk down the hall to my room. I unlock the door and get a bit more comfortable. Laying down on the bed, which for some reason feels much more comfortable, probably due to how tired I’m feeling, I think more on the day. These people I’m running into, they’re quite the characters. I think I’ll try to get to know the group I’ve met better. Yes. I think that’s what I’ll do. But for now, sleep.

Nice chapter. Hanako might be a bit too outgoing towards a stranger, especially one as tall (and thus intimidating) as Gustav, but I was still able to buy it.

A few small to medium issues:

Hisao managed to keep eye contact with me even though I had forgotten to put my shirt on.

Why should that take self-control?
Now, if Gustav were a girl, the feat would be much more noteworthy...

I nod and put away my things and stand up to take a place behind her.

Unless it's a stylistic choice, the first "and" should be replaced by a comma.

Not sure if she’s commenting on the volume of my speech, or the amount I talk.
“Is that a comment on how much I talk? Or a comment on the volume of my voice?”

You're being kind of redundant here.

I turn around, open the door and walk in making sure to duck as usual

Even if the Japanese are generally not as tall as other people, their doors are normal sized. So if he's not over 2m, he shouldn't have to duck.

I’m greeted by a thud below the counter and see a young woman jumping up from behind it, rubbing the back of her head.

Why does this have to happen every single time someone is introduced to Yuuko?

standing on her tip-toes

Just "on her toes" is enough.

Yeah, Hanako inviting him to tea out of the blue like that felt odd. Though perhaps its either a) Her way of saying "thank you" to him fro helping her out, and wanting to help a new guy fit in. or b) She's REALLY taken an interest in him.

carrion_crow wrote:I completely agree with you panda, I really just hope he doesn't turn into a sick or has a major superiority complex

I have the feeling you forgot something. As that sentence makes no sense. Unless you meant "dick"

Mirage_GSM wrote:Nice chapter. Hanako might be a bit too outgoing towards a stranger, especially one as tall (and thus intimidating) as Gustav, but I was still able to buy it.

A few small to medium issues:

Hisao managed to keep eye contact with me even though I had forgotten to put my shirt on.

Why should that take self-control?
Now, if Gustav were a girl, the feat would be much more noteworthy...

Mostly this reason.

I nod and put away my things and stand up to take a place behind her.

Unless it's a stylistic choice, the first "and" should be replaced by a comma.

Not sure if she’s commenting on the volume of my speech, or the amount I talk.
“Is that a comment on how much I talk? Or a comment on the volume of my voice?”

You're being kind of redundant here.

Noted

I turn around, open the door and walk in making sure to duck as usual

Even if the Japanese are generally not as tall as other people, their doors are normal sized. So if he's not over 2m, he shouldn't have to duck.

He's slightly under 2m (194 cm(6ft 4in)).

I’m greeted by a thud below the counter and see a young woman jumping up from behind it, rubbing the back of her head.

Why does this have to happen every single time someone is introduced to Yuuko?

Because it's friggin funny?

pandaphil wrote:Yeah, Hanako inviting him to tea out of the blue like that felt odd. Though perhaps its either a) Her way of saying "thank you" to him fro helping her out, and wanting to help a new guy fit in. or b) She's REALLY taken an interest in him.

Little bit of A, little bit of B?

*-* I realy liked what you wrote so far, keep it up i wanna read more! D:

Wow this is really good. Please keep it up!

Lunacore wrote:*-* I realy liked what you wrote so far, keep it up i wanna read more! D:

Joonwoo wrote:Wow this is really good. Please keep it up!

Thank you for your kind words. I'm trying to write more but it's the last 2 weeks of college and that's chewing up all my time. However next Friday I'm done fore a while and as such will be able to work more on this fic and my other one. So yeah.

Wait.. You got another fanfic too? I should check that out. x3