Katawa Shoujo Forums

Okay. This story just keeps getting better. I'll have to add this to my subscriptions

Roamin12 wrote:Isn't it spelled like artifact? And will we see how Hisao got the Piece of Eden in the first place? Or will that information be under wraps?
Overall a decent chapter.

Thanks for the input. I wasn't sure myself. So I checked it up on Wikipedia, and apparently, what I have used is the UK spelling. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_and_British_English_spelling_differences#Miscellaneous_spelling_differences
About the PoE, the idea I first had about him finding out turned out felt rather stupid after writing it, so I decided to scrap it for now until I think of something better.

Pro PandaBear wrote:Okay. This story just keeps getting better. I'll have to add this to my subscriptions

Thanks!

I was literally...hmm...what's the word...

mind=blown

I was confused on whether I am reading a MASS fic, a Ass fic, or a KS fic. Or all three of them at once (AssAssAss)--which is great. Interesting concept indeed...
Though if I read it correctly, Misha cut her hair in chapter 1? The cutting of one's hair is symbolic in Japan which meant 'forgetting/moving on from unrequited love', so I don't believe she would cut her hair in that scene (because it is a requited love if I read it correctly).

how did Hisao get the 'Piece of Eden? Who did he get it from? Where did he found it? These are currently some of the questions I have in my mind.

On your writing, I'd say try to separate the conversation with the story? Maybe it's jut me, but I kinda' find it difficult to read or follow the conversation as it switches from one person to another.

I'm not much of a Lilly fan, but I'll say again though: interesting concept.

I second the paragraph thing- it is a bit cluttered looking.

Megumeru wrote:I was literally...hmm...what's the word...

mind=blown

I was confused on whether I am reading a ME fic, a Ass fic, or a KS fic. Or all three of them at once (AssAssAss)--which is great. Interesting concept indeed...

That was kinda what I was going for. The concept just dropped into my head while I was half asleep and daydreaming.

Megumeru wrote: Though if I read it correctly, Misha cut her hair in chapter 1? The cutting of one's hair is symbolic in Japan which meant 'forgetting/moving on from unrequited love', so I don't believe she would cut her hair in that scene (because it is a requited love if I read it correctly).

Ouch. I didn't know that. But in the game, when she cut her hair, she hadn't moved past Shizune's rejection, and she said she cut it because of the heat or something. Now I'm confused. Anyway, thanks for pointing that out. I'll think of a way to fix it.

Megumeru wrote:
how did Hisao get the 'Piece of Eden? Who did he get it from? Where did he found it? These are currently some of the questions I have in my mind.

When I first wrote how he got his hands on it, it sounded really silly. So I scrapped that and decided to go this way until I think of a better alternative for that. I'll add that in a later scene.

Megumeru wrote: On your writing, I'd say try to separate the conversation with the story? Maybe it's jut me, but I kinda' find it difficult to read or follow the conversation as it switches from one person to another.

That does need fixing. I noticed it myself, but didn't have much time to look into it, as I'm currently in the middle of exams, until the 20th. Can't stop coming here, though.

Megumeru wrote: I'm not much of a Lilly fan, but I'll say again though: interesting concept.

Aw, Lilly is cool. I don't see why people don't like her. Am I the only one who likes both Lilly and Shizune, I wonder? One of my favourite scenes in the game is where they sorta begin to reconcile at the end of Lilly's route, which I took into account a bit when writing this.

Hoitash wrote:I second the paragraph thing- it is a bit cluttered looking.

Thanks. Will fix that before the next update.

Megumeru wrote: Though if I read it correctly, Misha cut her hair in chapter 1? The cutting of one's hair is symbolic in Japan which meant 'forgetting/moving on from unrequited love', so I don't believe she would cut her hair in that scene (because it is a requited love if I read it correctly).

I always cringe when people say stuff like "This is a custom in ABC, so this must mean XY".
It reduces a whole culture to be one-dimensional.
Where I live, there is a custom to eat duck on Christmas, but some people simply like duck, so if I see someone eating duck in April, I don't start hectically adorning trees.
Yes, some people in Japan (all over Asia, in fact) cut their hair to signify getting over a relationship, but there's no reason Misha cutting her hair cannot simply be a fashion statement.

Mirage_GSM wrote: Yes, some people in Japan (all over Asia, in fact) cut their hair to signify getting over a relationship, but there's no reason Misha cutting her hair cannot simply be a fashion statement.

It is both a fashion statement and to signify getting over a relationship. Yes, that I agree.

But in Misha's case, isn't it more of the 'getting over' part than a 'fashion statement'? Just saying though.

Acewing905 wrote:When I first wrote how he got his hands on it, it sounded really silly. So I scrapped that and decided to go this way until I think of a better alternative for that. I'll add that in a later scene.

Woah there, don't answer that question...yet. Let us answer that when the time comes through your writing--keep that suspense going, no?

Megumeru wrote: It is both a fashion statement and to signify getting over a relationship. Yes, that I agree.

But in Misha's case, isn't it more of the 'getting over' part than a 'fashion statement'? Just saying though.

Although, by the time Misha cut her hair in the game, she definitely was not over Shizune yet.

Megumeru wrote: Woah there, don't answer that question...yet. Let us answer that when the time comes through your writing--keep that suspense going, no?

Sure.

acewing905 wrote:

Megumeru wrote: It is both a fashion statement and to signify getting over a relationship. Yes, that I agree.

But in Misha's case, isn't it more of the 'getting over' part than a 'fashion statement'? Just saying though.

Although, by the time Misha cut her hair in the game, she definitely was not over Shizune yet.

Yep, not because she doesn't want to. She can't.

But well, apologies for jacking your story like this. Proceed~ wahaha~

Megumeru wrote:
But well, apologies for jacking your story like this. Proceed~ wahaha~

No worries.

Anyway, I'm back, now that exams are over. I'll take the paragraph recommendation and restructure the first three chapters, and then put up a new update. Thanks for reading and commenting, everyone.