Re: What Lies Beneath
Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 9:47 am
Thanks to everyone who commented. After reading the feedback I decided that an index is the best way for everyone to navigate with ease. And with that I give you Chapter 2...Enjoy!
Chapter 2 - Getting Your Head Together: Part 1of 2
Iwanako...
Why is she here? The last time I heard from her she sent me a letter, from my perspective the letter was a final goodbye. A confirmation of sorts that there was no longer a relationship between us, not that there was much of one to begin with. One line in particular comes to mind, "I wonder if we will meet again, perhaps it's for the best if we don't?" This line was what led me to believe that the letter was no more then a formality, to give herself, possibly myself as well, closure about what had happened between us.
I never saw the letter as being necessary, after her final visit and the short goodbye we exchanged, she never visited again. I never tried to contact her either assuming that she moved on. That is why I saw the letter as more for her, rather then me. Whether it was to give her closure, or if she saw it as something she needed to do to truly "let go" and move on with her life I don't know.
The fact still remains that right now, at this very moment she is standing there in the doorway, not Emi, but Iwanako, smiling, crying, overjoyed to see that after nearly two years of visiting me, talking to me while I lay unconscious, I am finally awake.
Before Dr. Anderson or I can say anything she calls out to me, sobbing.
"Hi-Hisaooo!" She says while rubbing tears from her eyes.
"They said you might never wake up." She steps closer to me, and with every step, her composure starts to falter. All of her pent up emotions start to leak out. All this time she had been waiting for me, and now finally I'm back in her life.
"But I knew it wasn't true, you wouldn't leave me alone."
She's crying as she walks over to me. Dr. Anderson is smiling at us both. His personality must be of one who gets great satisfaction in seeing someone that was under his care wake up and be reunited with their family and friends.
Unfortunately, I am still very confused and as Iwanako approaches me, my expression changes as I speak.
"I-Iwanako? What are you doing here?" I say as she stops in front of me, arms spread open as if to embrace a long lost lover.
"What do you mean?" She says, relaxing her arms. Her face changes to one of confusion and sadness.
"Mr. Nakai, is this young lady not your girlfriend?" Dr. Anderson asks his smile now starting to fade as well.
"I-I'm not sure..." Iwanako makes a face similar to the one during my first heart attack. It shows a look of being dejected, destroyed, as if all hope is lost. Here I am, the man she has waited almost two years for, and I don't even know who she is to me.
"You don't remember me?" She says in a very distraught tone.
"I don't know." This is all I can say for now. Talking to her about what I experienced while unconscious might not be the best for her current state of mind. I still have no idea what is going on. According to Dr. Anderson, my heart is perfectly healthy. My hospitalization was caused by a stroke, and not a heart attack brought on by my now seemingly nonexistent arrhythmia.
"Dr. Anderson, did he lose all his memory?"
"It's possible. Having a stroke puts a major strain on the brain. In most cases people who suffer strokes can have slurred speech, difficulty moving parts of their body, and in some cases, are left with permanent mental disability. I'm astonished that he doesn't have anything more than mild amnesia." At his words her expression darkens even further.
"Even so. He said my name when I first came through the door, so he must still remember something!" After saying this she brightens up some and turns to Dr. Anderson waiting for a response.
"Yes, this is true. However when he first woke up he was asking for a..." The doctor stops mid sentence seeing me waving him off. Telling him to hold off on telling her what it was that I said.
"Asking for a what?" Confusion returns to her once more. She glances back at me, my hands now back at my sides anxiously waiting for their conversation to continue.
"Now that I recall, that was actually another patient in the room across the hall. It's been a long day and I have spoken to many patients today, my apologies." She nods in understanding as he continues.
"However I do recall him saying something that is worth mentioning. When he first woke up he was under the impression that he was diagnosed with arrhythmia, and that his hospitalization was a result of a heart attack. From my examination earlier, I can see no evidence that would suggest his heart has ever had any vascular problems. Does he have an underlying medical condition that we overlooked when he was admitted?"
"No, or at least not that I am aware of. Before his stroke he was perfectly healthy. He and I would exercise, as well as eat healthy to make sure we stayed in shape. He never had so much as a cold while we where dating."
From what she is saying, I can make the assumption we had been dating for at the very least, a few months before I had my stroke. Emi, Yamaku, everything I remember... could it be that it was just a dream?
For now it might be best for me to put thoughts of Yamaku aside. Iwanako is in-front of me right now. And seeing as she is supposedly my girlfriend, she would most-likely know best what my life was like before the coma.
As I get ready to bombard her with a game of twenty questions, my stomach growls indicating it is running on empty.
"Miss Iwanako, I am sure you both have a lot of catching up to do, but unfortunately that will have to wait. Visiting hours are coming to a close, and Mr. Nakai could use some real food in his system."
"Oh I see. I must have lost track of time. It was already so late when I got here that I didn't even realize."
"It's quite alright. I would imagine having the one you love wake up after so long would have that effect on you." A slight tinge of red makes its way across her face as she nods.
"Hisao, I'll come by tomorrow. If that's alright with you that is." I nod. I still want to ask what her side of my life's story so far is like. As she walks off I start to let everything that has been said today sink in. As she turns to leave she stops half way and looks back.
"I almost forgot. I called your mother and father, and they where unable to catch a train for today. They said that tomorrow they would be here." This is good, I can confirm with them whether or not what she is saying is true, about the two of us being in a relationship. Although I see no reason for her to lie, and I am looking forward to hearing more about it tomorrow, I am still a bit skeptical. As she is leaving Dr. Anderson grabs my attention.
"Shall we head to the cafeteria? Most hospitals have horrible food, but at the very least the food here is on par with low budget family restaurants, so it won't be mamma's home cooking, but it will be better then protein paste, oatmeal, and jello that taste like cold medicine." Food does sound good. Maybe after eating something, I will be able to think more clearly and better assess my situation.
After making our way to the cafeteria, we stop and order our food. I order what Dr. Anderson recommends, porridge. According to him porridge was the best food available to me right now. Both in terms of taste, and ease of eating it. Having just woken up, my stomach is not used to eating solid foods yet.
Having finished eating I decide to ask him some things now that my head is less foggy, and my thoughts are more clear.
"Dr. Anderson, may I ask a few questions?" He stops eating, and folds up the paper he was reading. Placing it down on the table in front of him.
"Of course you may Hisao, but please you can call me Troy." It feels a bit strange to address him in such a manner, but I have no reason to refuse his friendly demeanor.
"Alright, Troy it is then." He gives a smile and gestures for me to continue speaking.
"I had a stroke, and not a heart attack?"
"Yes, more specifically a hemorrhagic stroke. It is a form of stroke that causes bleeding into the brain causing tissue damage. We never determined what caused the initial bleeding, but the surgery had apparently gone well. Seeing as you aren't drooling uncontrollably." He chuckles at that last bit. His sense of humor is a bit odd, but at least he is trying to lighten the mood.
"Were there any signs or symptoms that I should look out for? Am I at risk of it happening again?" I want to make sure that if I am still at risk for stroke, that I know what to look for so I might be able to avoid being in a coma again. Next time I might not wake up.
"We did a multitude of tests on you, and as I said before, we never determined what it was that caused it. As far as symptoms you would have probably had bad migraines in the hours, possibly even days leading up to your hospitalization, and subsequent coma." So migraines are a possible sign that I might be having another stroke. I'll make sure to keep that in mind.
"As far as your risk for having another stroke is concerned. The tests we ran showed nothing that would lead us to believe you are at higher risk for stroke than any other average man your age. We never found any underlying cause, so it would seem that you just ran into a bit of bad luck with yours." Bad luck seems like an understatement, but if he didn't find anything that makes me higher risk for another stroke. The I guess I don't really have a reason to complain.
"And my memory, will it come back?" I don't remember anything about having a relationship with Iwanako. The last time I remember seeing her was in my hospital room, for my first heart attack.
I do however still remember Emi. She and I were in love. Emi was what I was living for, and a future with her. Now it seems as if that is all just an illusion. A cruel trick played out by my own subconscious.
"Don't worry Hisao. These things take time, and I'm confident that you will remember everything prior to the stroke." I hope he is right, and I hope it is sooner rather then later.
"Come on now don't look so down. You remembered you woman's name didn't you? Your better off then me. I can't remember my wife's name half the time. What with me always addressing her as "dear" or "honey." His smile is positively booming. He's trying his best to cheer me up, so I smile at him. Trying my best to cover up my doubts about all that has happened in the past few hours.
The next few hours go by with Troy and I getting to know one another better while I eat. Given my current state of mind. I can't really say much to him about my likes, dislikes, or even what I was going to school for when I had my coma. I almost said chemical science, but that doesn't really apply anymore. That was all just a dream. None of what I "learned" can be applied to anything outside my head.
So instead he gives me a short summary of is life. He was a medical student in from the united states. He came over here to observe the culture and learn to speak Japanese. After finishing medical school, and returning to Japan for a more permanent stay, he applied as a surgeon at a well known hospital. Instead he got placed in this medical facility. At a position overlooking the patients and staff. He tells me this facility was built to be more efficient in handling patients such as myself, and to have their own "private" hospital of sorts.
After he finishes his short rant about how he didn't get the position because he wasn't a native, he checks the time and decides he shouldn't keep his wife waiting for him all night. After walking me back to my room, and informing me of what each button on my bed does, as well as how the two way intercom works.
He gets ready to go home for the night.
"Alright Mr. Nakai, I believe that everything is in order. You get a good nights sleep now you hear?" Still smiling at me he extends his hand for me to shake.
"I will Dr. Ander...I mean Troy." His smile widens as he shakes my hand.
"It was a pleasure waking you Mr. Nakai, I have nothing but the utmost confidence that you will be just fine. There has not been very many patients wake up and name people on site like you did with Miss Iwanako."
"I see so not everyone wakes up drooling uncontrollably then?" I shoot him a playful grin.
"That will have to wait for another time. I must get up early you see... I have to prepare my best hospital gown for your reunion date with your family!" His last statement causes us both to laugh as he leaves for the night.
As I settle down into the bed to let myself sleep. My mind wanders to thoughts of Emi, and of her running on the track field back in high school. Her fellow track mates, me, and even Rin cheering her on as she runs past the other runners who are seeming to stand still as she passes them, and before and before long I am drifting off to sleep. Still remembering my days at Yamaku.
Chapter 2 - Getting Your Head Together: Part 1of 2
Iwanako...
Why is she here? The last time I heard from her she sent me a letter, from my perspective the letter was a final goodbye. A confirmation of sorts that there was no longer a relationship between us, not that there was much of one to begin with. One line in particular comes to mind, "I wonder if we will meet again, perhaps it's for the best if we don't?" This line was what led me to believe that the letter was no more then a formality, to give herself, possibly myself as well, closure about what had happened between us.
I never saw the letter as being necessary, after her final visit and the short goodbye we exchanged, she never visited again. I never tried to contact her either assuming that she moved on. That is why I saw the letter as more for her, rather then me. Whether it was to give her closure, or if she saw it as something she needed to do to truly "let go" and move on with her life I don't know.
The fact still remains that right now, at this very moment she is standing there in the doorway, not Emi, but Iwanako, smiling, crying, overjoyed to see that after nearly two years of visiting me, talking to me while I lay unconscious, I am finally awake.
Before Dr. Anderson or I can say anything she calls out to me, sobbing.
"Hi-Hisaooo!" She says while rubbing tears from her eyes.
"They said you might never wake up." She steps closer to me, and with every step, her composure starts to falter. All of her pent up emotions start to leak out. All this time she had been waiting for me, and now finally I'm back in her life.
"But I knew it wasn't true, you wouldn't leave me alone."
She's crying as she walks over to me. Dr. Anderson is smiling at us both. His personality must be of one who gets great satisfaction in seeing someone that was under his care wake up and be reunited with their family and friends.
Unfortunately, I am still very confused and as Iwanako approaches me, my expression changes as I speak.
"I-Iwanako? What are you doing here?" I say as she stops in front of me, arms spread open as if to embrace a long lost lover.
"What do you mean?" She says, relaxing her arms. Her face changes to one of confusion and sadness.
"Mr. Nakai, is this young lady not your girlfriend?" Dr. Anderson asks his smile now starting to fade as well.
"I-I'm not sure..." Iwanako makes a face similar to the one during my first heart attack. It shows a look of being dejected, destroyed, as if all hope is lost. Here I am, the man she has waited almost two years for, and I don't even know who she is to me.
"You don't remember me?" She says in a very distraught tone.
"I don't know." This is all I can say for now. Talking to her about what I experienced while unconscious might not be the best for her current state of mind. I still have no idea what is going on. According to Dr. Anderson, my heart is perfectly healthy. My hospitalization was caused by a stroke, and not a heart attack brought on by my now seemingly nonexistent arrhythmia.
"Dr. Anderson, did he lose all his memory?"
"It's possible. Having a stroke puts a major strain on the brain. In most cases people who suffer strokes can have slurred speech, difficulty moving parts of their body, and in some cases, are left with permanent mental disability. I'm astonished that he doesn't have anything more than mild amnesia." At his words her expression darkens even further.
"Even so. He said my name when I first came through the door, so he must still remember something!" After saying this she brightens up some and turns to Dr. Anderson waiting for a response.
"Yes, this is true. However when he first woke up he was asking for a..." The doctor stops mid sentence seeing me waving him off. Telling him to hold off on telling her what it was that I said.
"Asking for a what?" Confusion returns to her once more. She glances back at me, my hands now back at my sides anxiously waiting for their conversation to continue.
"Now that I recall, that was actually another patient in the room across the hall. It's been a long day and I have spoken to many patients today, my apologies." She nods in understanding as he continues.
"However I do recall him saying something that is worth mentioning. When he first woke up he was under the impression that he was diagnosed with arrhythmia, and that his hospitalization was a result of a heart attack. From my examination earlier, I can see no evidence that would suggest his heart has ever had any vascular problems. Does he have an underlying medical condition that we overlooked when he was admitted?"
"No, or at least not that I am aware of. Before his stroke he was perfectly healthy. He and I would exercise, as well as eat healthy to make sure we stayed in shape. He never had so much as a cold while we where dating."
From what she is saying, I can make the assumption we had been dating for at the very least, a few months before I had my stroke. Emi, Yamaku, everything I remember... could it be that it was just a dream?
For now it might be best for me to put thoughts of Yamaku aside. Iwanako is in-front of me right now. And seeing as she is supposedly my girlfriend, she would most-likely know best what my life was like before the coma.
As I get ready to bombard her with a game of twenty questions, my stomach growls indicating it is running on empty.
"Miss Iwanako, I am sure you both have a lot of catching up to do, but unfortunately that will have to wait. Visiting hours are coming to a close, and Mr. Nakai could use some real food in his system."
"Oh I see. I must have lost track of time. It was already so late when I got here that I didn't even realize."
"It's quite alright. I would imagine having the one you love wake up after so long would have that effect on you." A slight tinge of red makes its way across her face as she nods.
"Hisao, I'll come by tomorrow. If that's alright with you that is." I nod. I still want to ask what her side of my life's story so far is like. As she walks off I start to let everything that has been said today sink in. As she turns to leave she stops half way and looks back.
"I almost forgot. I called your mother and father, and they where unable to catch a train for today. They said that tomorrow they would be here." This is good, I can confirm with them whether or not what she is saying is true, about the two of us being in a relationship. Although I see no reason for her to lie, and I am looking forward to hearing more about it tomorrow, I am still a bit skeptical. As she is leaving Dr. Anderson grabs my attention.
"Shall we head to the cafeteria? Most hospitals have horrible food, but at the very least the food here is on par with low budget family restaurants, so it won't be mamma's home cooking, but it will be better then protein paste, oatmeal, and jello that taste like cold medicine." Food does sound good. Maybe after eating something, I will be able to think more clearly and better assess my situation.
After making our way to the cafeteria, we stop and order our food. I order what Dr. Anderson recommends, porridge. According to him porridge was the best food available to me right now. Both in terms of taste, and ease of eating it. Having just woken up, my stomach is not used to eating solid foods yet.
Having finished eating I decide to ask him some things now that my head is less foggy, and my thoughts are more clear.
"Dr. Anderson, may I ask a few questions?" He stops eating, and folds up the paper he was reading. Placing it down on the table in front of him.
"Of course you may Hisao, but please you can call me Troy." It feels a bit strange to address him in such a manner, but I have no reason to refuse his friendly demeanor.
"Alright, Troy it is then." He gives a smile and gestures for me to continue speaking.
"I had a stroke, and not a heart attack?"
"Yes, more specifically a hemorrhagic stroke. It is a form of stroke that causes bleeding into the brain causing tissue damage. We never determined what caused the initial bleeding, but the surgery had apparently gone well. Seeing as you aren't drooling uncontrollably." He chuckles at that last bit. His sense of humor is a bit odd, but at least he is trying to lighten the mood.
"Were there any signs or symptoms that I should look out for? Am I at risk of it happening again?" I want to make sure that if I am still at risk for stroke, that I know what to look for so I might be able to avoid being in a coma again. Next time I might not wake up.
"We did a multitude of tests on you, and as I said before, we never determined what it was that caused it. As far as symptoms you would have probably had bad migraines in the hours, possibly even days leading up to your hospitalization, and subsequent coma." So migraines are a possible sign that I might be having another stroke. I'll make sure to keep that in mind.
"As far as your risk for having another stroke is concerned. The tests we ran showed nothing that would lead us to believe you are at higher risk for stroke than any other average man your age. We never found any underlying cause, so it would seem that you just ran into a bit of bad luck with yours." Bad luck seems like an understatement, but if he didn't find anything that makes me higher risk for another stroke. The I guess I don't really have a reason to complain.
"And my memory, will it come back?" I don't remember anything about having a relationship with Iwanako. The last time I remember seeing her was in my hospital room, for my first heart attack.
I do however still remember Emi. She and I were in love. Emi was what I was living for, and a future with her. Now it seems as if that is all just an illusion. A cruel trick played out by my own subconscious.
"Don't worry Hisao. These things take time, and I'm confident that you will remember everything prior to the stroke." I hope he is right, and I hope it is sooner rather then later.
"Come on now don't look so down. You remembered you woman's name didn't you? Your better off then me. I can't remember my wife's name half the time. What with me always addressing her as "dear" or "honey." His smile is positively booming. He's trying his best to cheer me up, so I smile at him. Trying my best to cover up my doubts about all that has happened in the past few hours.
The next few hours go by with Troy and I getting to know one another better while I eat. Given my current state of mind. I can't really say much to him about my likes, dislikes, or even what I was going to school for when I had my coma. I almost said chemical science, but that doesn't really apply anymore. That was all just a dream. None of what I "learned" can be applied to anything outside my head.
So instead he gives me a short summary of is life. He was a medical student in from the united states. He came over here to observe the culture and learn to speak Japanese. After finishing medical school, and returning to Japan for a more permanent stay, he applied as a surgeon at a well known hospital. Instead he got placed in this medical facility. At a position overlooking the patients and staff. He tells me this facility was built to be more efficient in handling patients such as myself, and to have their own "private" hospital of sorts.
After he finishes his short rant about how he didn't get the position because he wasn't a native, he checks the time and decides he shouldn't keep his wife waiting for him all night. After walking me back to my room, and informing me of what each button on my bed does, as well as how the two way intercom works.
He gets ready to go home for the night.
"Alright Mr. Nakai, I believe that everything is in order. You get a good nights sleep now you hear?" Still smiling at me he extends his hand for me to shake.
"I will Dr. Ander...I mean Troy." His smile widens as he shakes my hand.
"It was a pleasure waking you Mr. Nakai, I have nothing but the utmost confidence that you will be just fine. There has not been very many patients wake up and name people on site like you did with Miss Iwanako."
"I see so not everyone wakes up drooling uncontrollably then?" I shoot him a playful grin.
"That will have to wait for another time. I must get up early you see... I have to prepare my best hospital gown for your reunion date with your family!" His last statement causes us both to laugh as he leaves for the night.
As I settle down into the bed to let myself sleep. My mind wanders to thoughts of Emi, and of her running on the track field back in high school. Her fellow track mates, me, and even Rin cheering her on as she runs past the other runners who are seeming to stand still as she passes them, and before and before long I am drifting off to sleep. Still remembering my days at Yamaku.
