Katawa Shoujo Forums

Eh... My suspension of disbelief is crumbling.

It's quite amusing to see how the characters acknowledge the fact that they don't know Hisao and then go on to spill their guts out at him, sharing the deepest secrets and whatnot.

Then again - Clarity is a wizard.

Goddammit man, you've giving me a case of the feels. I'm sorely tempted to write an extreme-downer fic now to balance out the feels.

But in all seriousness, this was a good premise. You should've tossed in how Hisao would've ended up himself though, like if he ends up being all happy with Iwanako or something like that (Doubtful giving the bad endings of all 6 characters).

It has that nice cheesy Christmas feel to it. It doesn't have to be realistic, just sentimental.

There's a few things I have issues with though.

“No, she doesn't” Clarity said sadly, “She never gained the courage. In a few years she'll be married off to a man she doesn't give a damn about. She won't see anyone after that.”

First, this is very oddly phrased. Saying she won't see anyone after she's married makes it seem like she kills herself or her husband keeps her locked up or something.
the second thing wrong with it is Lilly doesn't see anyone. Period. Never has.

She looked up and immediately freaked out “Who the hell are you? How the hell did you get in my room? GET OUT! GET OUT!” She screamed, Hisao ran to the door and opened it, then dashed outside.

You probably didn't mean this to be as humorous as it came out. I can just picture Clarity and Hisao talking about Emi while she's sitting there wondering who those people are before freaking out. He should have used some of that "nobody can see or hear you" style magic.

Shizune's section seems a bit weak overall.

“Duh.” Kenji shrugged “What else could it be?” He kicked the ground dejectedly “You should know that, considering you're just in my head. Will you please go away? My paranoia is bad enough without hearing voices too.”

No problems with this part. I just thought it was hilarious.