Scar Tissue- A Hanako Story (Pseudo-Complete)

[Nekken]

Hisao won't be having a baby, even if Lilly does become pregnant.

Now that I think about it, I suppose I shouldn't be assuming that this won't turn out to be that kind of fanfic, but it just didn't strike me as the type.

[FluffandCrunch]

I don't know if you planned it or not but i don't find seeing all your works as one story all that hard in fact it is kinda natural.
Just my opinion.

Does it? I'm glad someone noticed.
I guess I am kind of working off of an assumed layout for most of my writing.
I like the setting aspect and writing with an assumed background let's me play around a little bit.
I hope it isn't too much of a problem, but I enjoy it.

[FluffandCrunch]

Hisao won't be having a baby, even if Lilly does become pregnant.

Now that I think about it, I suppose I shouldn't be assuming that this won't turn out to be that kind of fanfic, but it just didn't strike me as the type.

Fucking LOL.

[berterus]

I came here to read some fanfiction, the grammar of which does not really concern me unless it's difficult to read. I like this, really, and I'm definitely looking forward to more chapters. :D

[FluffandCrunch]

Comments and suggestions are always welcome.

----------------------------------------

Part Two

[Daylight]
Several Months Later...

The first day of school comes around and the usual routine gets picked up again.
I wake up early, my face resting on a stack of pages that I was unable to finish the night before.
I groan in discomfort. I stayed up way too late last night trying to finish Kenji's new book and I'm paying for it now.
I'm a little embarrassed, but I drooled on it and have to shake the top few pages dry.
I'd die if I handed Kenji his unpublished book back with spittle on it.
Opening the shades and letting the morning sun in, I can feel the warmth spread across my skin, bringing me to full wakefulness. I only got back from my trip to Okinawa a week ago and the feeling of sleeping in my own bed again still hasn't lost it's novelty. I'm glad for the time I had away, a chance to clear my head and refocus myself for the upcoming school year.

This will be my last day off before I return too Yamaku as a counselor. Being able to help students who find themselves unable to deal with the disabilities that brought them there has become a love of mine, especially for those children who suffered through an accident and are still living with the trauma.
My own experience and the testimonial I wear every day I think makes it easier for them to relate to me and open up about their own problems.

But that's not until tomorrow.
I quickly shower and dress and sit in front of my mirror, running a brush through my long hair again and again. I don't cover up my face as much as I used to, but I keep my hair long out of preference.
Besides, Hisao likes girls with long hair.

I stop brushing and let my fingers touch the livid scars on my face. Though slightly sensitive, they don't nearly stand out as much as they used too. Treatment and time has caused the once leathery, puckered flesh to begin fading away. They'll never be completely gone and I'll always live with them, but they don't bother me nearly as much as they used to now that they've faded a little.
Then again, maybe they actually are as bad as they once were and their improvement is only in my imagination. I'm not entirely sure. Either way, I'm not bothered by it.
I touch my face, pull my hair back and smile, saying the words like a mantra.
“I am pretty.”
I used to have to convince myself every morning that it was true.
Now I know that it is.

[Friendship]
From outside the door I hear Lilly speak in a low, teasing voice.
“More than just pretty, Hanako.”
I turn red, nearly dropping my hairbrush.
“L-Lilly!?”
I can't believe she's up this early, but then I remember she's probably getting ready for school.

“May I come in?” She asks.
Trapped in my embarrassment, I fuss around with things in my room, though I know there's no good reason to do so. My room could be a mess and Lilly wouldn't notice if she didn't trip on anything. I'm just buying time for my blush to vanish.

“C-come in,” I say after rearranging my makeup case on my desk for the second time and scooping a few loose pawns off the carpet.
The door opens and Lilly walks in, still in her black silk jammies, her long, pale legs peeking out and her beautiful hair still in a pretty mess. I turn red again in the face and this time I can feel the heat in my cheeks.
I used to be jealous of how pretty Lilly was, but now all I can think of is how beautiful she looks, especially in the morning.

“Good morning, Hanako.”
She holds her arms open towards me.
I stand up and hug her tightly, pressing myself against her as much as I can.
Lilly seems a little surprised by the warmness of the gesture.
“Is everything all right?”

I nod, my cheek against her shoulder.
“Yeah. I just remembered how pretty you look in the morning.“
Lilly's cheeks flush. She turns my chin up and kisses me close to my lips.
“If I just tilted my head only a little bit...”
The thought makes me feel warm all over.
For a moment or two I seriously contemplate it.

Instead, we pull apart and I sit down at my desk and Lilly finds the edge of my unmade bed.
“Ready for school?” I ask.
Lilly nods, folding her hand in her lap.
”Yes, I'm looking forward to this year. How are you feeling about it? Are you all ready for tomorrow?“

I pick my hairbrush up from my desk and step over to Lilly, sitting on the bed next to her, the cushion soft under my weight. I wrap my fingers in her golden hair and begin slowly brushing it from the top of her head to the tips of each lock. Her curls bounce and shimmer with the light coming through the window. She hums a familiar tune as I brush her long hair.
I love the way it feels between my fingers.
“Yeah. I like to travel, but it's nice to come back to Yamaku.“
Lilly turns towards me and smiles.
“Brings back good memories, doesn't it?”
I smile back at her.
“A lot of them.”

I finish brushing Lilly's hair and she stands up, straightening her night shirt.
“Well, I'll get dressed.”
“I'll start breakfast, if you want.”
“Thank you, Hanako.”
“Is Hisao up yet?”
Lilly shakes her head and giggles.
“No, still asleep, poor dear. He was tossing and turning all last night. He was so nervous about today he barely got any rest.“

I frown a little.
“Why?”
Lilly shrugs.
“First day jitters, I guess. Same as every year. You know how much pressure he puts on himself."
I pause and think about what I want to say for a few moments before I say it.
“Lilly?”
Lilly raises her eyebrows curiously.
“Yes, Hanako?”
My hand starts to cover my face and I have to yank it back down to avoid the old habit.
Take a moment and breathe, I think. Don't stutter, don't stutter. Look in the eyes when you talk to someone.

“Are you and Hisao doing all right?”
The question seems to take a long time to reach Lilly, hanging in the air between us for several minutes.
Lilly sadly smiles.
“Because of our troubles having a baby?”
“Yes....”

Lilly sighs and then sits back down, putting her arms around me. I lean into her warmth, resting my head against her neck.
She smells wonderful.
“Hisao and I are perfectly fine, Hanako. Our...difficulties aren't coming between us. It's frustrating, yes, but the two of us are happy. I don't want you to concern yourself overmuch on our behalf.“
“I know. But you must have been trying all the time I was gone, right?“
Lilly looks very sad for a moment before she answers me.
“Yes.”
“Anything?” I ask hopefully.
Lilly shakes her head.
“I'm only glad it was the summer break,” she says with a weary sigh, “otherwise we would never have been able to keep up with school work. I think we've exhausted each other.“

My face turns red.
Oh, no.
I can feel it rising up in my chest and I can't help but giggle.
Lilly look almost offended.
“Hanako!”
That did it.
Now I'm laughing out loud, my head against Lilly's shoulder.
I bite down on my lip to stop my giggling.
“I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I can't....”
I start giggling again, with a very unladylike snort as well.
Lilly smirks and then joins in my laughter, trying to maintain her composure, a hand in front of her mouth.
“I hope your 'healthy adolescent sex drive' is still okay,“ I tease.
Lilly tries to hide it, but her face turns red and she has a little knowing smile on her face.
“Well, at this point it's more of a healthy 'adult' sex drive, wouldn't you say?“
“Be careful with Hisao, he has a condition.“
Lilly laughs.
“There were a couple times when I think he was pushing himself a little too hard.“
I giggle, unable not to imagine it.
“I would have liked to have been there and seen that.”
Lilly smiles at me and my face grows even more red, realizing what I just said.
“Really now?”
Though she can't see, Lilly seems to lock eyes with me, a little playful smirk on her lips and a tiny lilt to her brow.
My face is glowing, I know it. I can feel my cheeks change color.
“I-I mean, um, n-no, what I meant was....”
Oh, no, what do I do now?
My mind fills with all sorts of things I shouldn't be thinking about, but they all crash around my head like a stack of photographs thrown off a roof. Images of Lilly and Hisao doing things that make me go lightheaded and cause my heart too race uncontrollably.
“I-I-I'mgoingtogomakebreakfastnow!”

Straight backed, face red, I retreat from my own room. The last thing I see as I peek around the door is Lilly still smiling after me.
The way she's smiling only makes my cheeks burn brighter.

----------------------------------------

[themocaw]

If this doesn't end in saishuudokin, I'm going to be upset with you.

[FluffandCrunch]

If this doesn't end in saishuudokin, I'm going to be upset with you.

>_>

[Daitengu]

If this doesn't end in saishuudokin, I'm going to be upset with you.

>_>

lolz

I was seriously wondering if it was going that route. I wouldn't be sad if it did lol

[FluffandCrunch]

Part Three

[Ease]
An hour later Hisao and Lilly have left for work at Yamaku and I'm left alone in an empty house. I had planned on wasting the day between getting lost in a good book and playing some video games, but something Hisao said during breakfast convinces me to head into town. I can get some shopping done and Kenji may be at the Shanghai.
I convince myself the only reason I'm going to see him is to give him my opinion on his latest book.
It has nothing to do with the fact that I'd like to see him again.

I drive into town and park in front of the tiny Aura Mart.
It's not long after summer, but there's a chill wind in the air. My jacket and hat are enough to keep me warm, though.
I look in the rear view mirror for a moment at my face, contemplating what I'll do.
I push my mother's hat back on my head and tie my hair into a braid, clear from my eyes. I give myself a smile before I walk into the market.

I go up and down the alleys, picking up what we need at home from a small list. I feel a little bittersweet when I see Lilly's very careful and precise handwriting, practiced over so many years.

-Pregnancy Tests

How many more of these things will we need to pick up? I wonder.

I find where they're located and put a couple into my shopping basket.
That's when I notice I'm being watched.
At the other end of the alley, some guy in a windbreaker who I've never seen before is doing a poor job of hiding the fact that he's staring at me. His attempts aren't helped by the fact that he's the only guy in the ladies' aisle.

I have that old impulse to cover my face, but I still my hand. I realize my first impression was wrong.
He's not looking at my scars.
He's staring at my ass!

I give him a sour look just as our eyes meet, his eyes accidentally locking onto mine. He looks embarrassed, probably more from me thinking he was staring at my scars and not my rear.
He beats a hasty retreat, shoving an armful of tampons into his basket to look busy.

At first I'm a little disgusted, but then almost relieved.
It's a little nice to be stared at for the right reasons.

I pay for my groceries and store them in the car, getting my book bag out as I do. The Shanghai is only a little distance away so I decide to walk there.
The sun is warm, but the wind makes me shiver. I pull my jacket tight around my arms and stick close the buildings to avoid the bitter wind. A few people in town wave when they recognize me and I say hello back. I even catch up with a few of them when they ask me how my trip to Okinawa went. Nothing happens in a small town like this without news traveling fast, especially when you're involved with Yamaku.

I eventually find myself walking into the Shanghai at around lunch time. Scanning the tables, I can't help but smile when I see him hunched in his usual booth, surrounded by stacks of paper, a laptop and several open books in tiny piles scattered about the table. His nose is barely inches from the screen or the page he carefully pours over. He has so many of them that the pages and stacks of books flow over into another booth entirely. The wind may be cold outside, but that's no reason to wear a coat that heavy when it's still summer. With his distinctive scarf coiled around his neck several times, Kenji looks ready for winter months ahead of time.

[Out of The Loop]
“H-hello, Kenji,” I say a few feet before I reach his booth.
There's a flash of light in his over sized lenses and I swear I can see his ears twitch suspiciously at the sound of my voice
“Who is that?” He asks in a guarded tone, his hands lightly covering the text of the book he's been reading.
I hold back a giggle at his expense.
“It's me, Hanako.”
Kenji looks both relieved, pleased and surprised at the same time.
“Hanako? Oh, um, I wasn't expecting you today. I thought someone had followed me here.”
Kenji looks around the restaurant suspiciously.
“I can't be too careful. If my document got into the wrong hands, my publisher would have my head. Not to mention the damage it could do if these secrets got out before the world was ready for them. It's an unbearable burden.“

I'm used to the way Kenji talks by now. I always thought it was odd that he and Hisao had become such good friends since school. I know they lived right next to each other in the dorms, but I never thought they had that much in common. Still, the two of them are close and Kenji has spent enough time at home that his quirks don't really bother me any more.

Sometimes he can even be kind of cute.

“Well, you don't have to be worried about that. I have your draft right here, safe and sound.“

Kenji suddenly makes an alarmed, choking sound. He practically dives into one of the book bags on the seat next to him and digs around in it.
“What happened!? Did I drop it outside? Oh God, no! Did anyone read it!? Please tell me no one has read it!?“

A few of the other patrons turn from their meals and stare at Kenji in confusion.
“N-no!” I try to tell him in the same soothing voice I use to talk to one of my students. “Don't you remember? You let me borrow it so I could read it and let you know what I thought!“

Behind his glasses, Kenji's eyes practically glow with suspicion.
“That doesn't sound like me at all! Are you sure it was me who you were talking too?“

I blink.
“Who else could it have been?”
“I don't know! Maybe a clone, an imposter, a clever disguise! My Doppelganger! The possibilities are endless!“
“Then why would they have your draft?”
“Maybe they stole it from me!”
“And then they gave it to me to give back to you?”

Kenji scratches the stubble on his chin in deep thought.
“It is a treacherous plot, that much is true...”

Thankfully I remember Kenji himself had a plan if this happened.
“Well, when you gave me the draft, you told me to say 'Honeymuffin' to prove it was really me when I returned it.“

I'm not exactly sure what the password means. I told Hisao and he seemed to think it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard.
I didn't get it.

Kenji's eyes light up behind his thick glasses.
“Oh! Why didn't you say so? Then it must have been me! And that must have been you! Please, sit down.“

I take a look at the crowded booth, overflowing with papers and books.
Kenji notices my stare and his face turns a little red.
He grabs a handful of papers and shoves them under the booth with a loud crash, clearing a spot across from him
“There! That good?”

I nod and say 'thank you' as I sit down.

[Everyday Fantasy]
Kenji rearranges a few stacks of paper, clearing the table between us. He's practically inside his own little shrine surrounded by any and every possible reference material he may need, a tiny fortress of papers and loosely organized folders.
“I'm surprised your working on your book here in public. It must be hard to focus.“
Kenji shuts off his laptop and slips it into his bag, clearing the table.
“Nah, not really. It's actually better this way. My apartment may be under surveillance so I try to stay in public areas. That way no one will try and make a move on me.“

I look over at the second booth filled with more papers and stacks of books.
“Do they really let you take up two booths at the same time?“

Kenji shrugs and waves his hand, dismissing my question.
“Who knows? I usually end up buying a few meals while I'm here, so they don't mind. Speaking of which, what can I get for you?“

“Oh, you don't need to do that, Kenji.”
He smiles and leans back. He quickly readjusts his glasses to keep them from falling off his nose.
“Nonsense! I insist!”
He flags down a waitress and orders another drink for himself. I order a small lunch salad and Kenji tells her to put it on his tab.
I'm sure Kenji missed it, but I catch her rolling her eyes when he says that.

She walks away and Kenji follows her with his gaze, adjusting his glasses when she's out of range. I'm a little surprised and maybe a little jealous.
“See something else on the menu you like?” I ask him flatly.
Kenji turns back quickly, red in the face and focuses his attention on straightening a few sheets of paper in front of him.
“Oh, um, no! I mean, it's just that waitress. She kind of reminds me of someone I used to know. She...used to work here....“
I'm a little surprised by Kenji's tone. I can't tell with his glasses on, but he looks like he's looking off into the distance for a minute.
“You all right?” I ask a little sheepishly.

Kenji snaps out of it and sits up in the booth, snapping his fingers.
“Yea! Right! The draft! What did you think of it?”
Even for Kenji that was a quick change of subject. I decide to leave it alone.

“Well, to be honest I didn't understand most of it. It was very interesting, though. Confusing at first, but I liked the part about, um, what were they called, those big stones in England?“

“Oh, yea! If you think the Druids built those, you're fooling yourself! The truth is far more sinister, I can tell you! You just need to know where to look! It's all part of the conspiracy, Hanako! You'll see when my new book goes to print.“
He looks around the restaurant with a poignant glare.
“They'll all see...”

Kenji's books aren't really something I would pick up on my own to read. But he keeps writing them and getting published, so I assume they sell fairly well. Hisao has the whole set, in fact.
They do spend a lot of time on the shelf, though.

“I'm usually a fan of fiction, but they were very informative,“ I say, trying to think of a compliment.

Kenji seems very proud.
“Well, that's what it's all about, isn't it? Informing the public, getting the news out, blowing the lid off the greatest conspiracy our world has ever known! Showing the truth behind the lies and exposing the everyday tyranny around us! People need to know the truth! It's out there! The truth, I mean. Somewhere! I just haven't found it yet. But I will!“

The waitress returns with Kenji's drink and my lunch. We spend the next few minutes in silence, me eating and Kenji carefully reading an eerie looking and extremely old book he's been very careful to keep at arm's length and out of sight.

“I was a little confused, though,” I say between bites, “there were a lot of blacked out parts to it, like someone took half the book out.“

Kenji sighs and sets his drink down.
“That would be my publisher. She's a real hard case, you know? Keeps insisting on 'editing' and 'correcting' and 'fact finding' every little thing I write down! Won't let me show the pure truth to anyone! I turn in a thousand page manuscript and she hacks it down to a three-hundred page pamphlet. It's a little disheartening that all of my best writing is left on the cutting room floor. She say's it's because of 'legal repercussions' and 'lawsuits' and 'class action' nonsense. Phffff! I suspect she may be an enemy agent sent as a mole to stop me!“
I can't help but smile. I don't blame Kenji's publisher. If his written ramblings are anything like his verbal ones, I suspect that she's looking out for what's best for Kenji. He'd never think of that, though.

“Enough about me, how have you been doing? Enjoyed your trip?“ Kenji asks.

I put my fork down and set my empty plate aside.
“I did! I spent most of my time on Okinawa Honto, but I visited a few of the smaller islands as well. I saw Shuri Castle and ate at this great place called Restaurant Suimui. They had the best brown sugar sherbet! I spent a lot of time at Shikinaen Gardens too and picked up some pottery in Tsuboya as a gift for Lilly and Hisao. I even spent some time in the American Village. That was really neat! A little weird, too. It made me think about going to America next year.“

“America?” Kenji seems surprised by my enthusiasm. “That's...an awful distance to go alone.”

I can't help but smile over the sound of concern in his voice.
“I wouldn't plan on going alone, silly. I'd definitely want to share the trip with someone. Who, I'm not sure....,“ I say suggestively.

Kenji rubs the back of his neck.
“Well, yea, of course. Going with someone would be a lot safer and fun too, I guess. Maybe you could...maybe get Hisao and Lilly to come along, that could be fun. If they get the time off, I guess. Hisao says he'd like to see America at least once and Lilly is half foreign, so she'd fit right in.“

I smirk a little at Kenji's expense.
That's all right, I think, you can take your time.

Kenji latches onto the change of subject quickly to save himself any further embarrassment.
“So how are Hisao and Lilly doing? Haven't seen him recently with the school year starting up.“

“They're doing good. That reminds me; Hisao says 'hello' and he'll expect you two weeks for Manly Picnic.“

Kenji's grips his fist victoriously with a look of eager anticipation on his face.
“Great! I was wondering what he was planning.”
“Lilly says that you're not allowed to make a mess this time, though. You have to clean up after yourselves.“

Kenji look a little put off by Lilly's stipulation.
“You can't say something like that! Manly Picnic is not something you can plan out! You never know what could happen! The weather, death and Manly Picnic are the things in life you can never predict! People could die! It's like a earthquake! And if Lilly is talking about the front door, that wasn't my fault at all. Hisao was the one who wanted a drawbridge for the fort!“

“Rules are rules,” I say cooly.
Kenji groans, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Alright, fine. So what else have the two of them been up to besides ruining time honored traditions?“

[Stride]
The inconsequential small talk stops dead in my throat.
“Well, they....”
I'm not sure what I should say. Everything is great right now, but the one thing that comes to mind is the only thing I can think to mention.
“L-Lilly and Hisao have been having some t-trouble recently....“
Kenji squints, making him look like a rat concentrating very hard.
“Marriage trouble?” He says doubtfully.
“No.”
The idea seems ridiculous to both of us.
“Then it isn't....um, 'bedroom trouble'?” Kenji says carefully.

I'm a little embarrassed at first because now the only thing I can think about is Hisao and Lilly in the bedroom for the second time in the same day!
“O-oh, no. N-Not at all,” I say sheepishly, my hand hovering over my burning cheek.
“No problems there. At least that I know of. Wh-which I wouldn't, of course.”

“Then it must be baby problems, right?”
I'm surprised Kenji would know anything about it and I ask him how he knew.

He shrugs, looking a bit uncomfortable.
“Last time me and Hisoa got together it's all he talked about after he had a couple bottles in him. He seemed pretty worried it was his fault. I told him he should see a doctor if it was worrying him that much, but he ignored me. Even got a little pissed off at me. I guess it's no secret, but he hates doctors.“

I nod, looking down at the table between me and Kenji.
Of course Hisao hates doctors. One of the reasons he's so careful and attentive to his health nowadays is so he can avoid them at all costs.
“They say they're all right, but I really think it's bothering both of them a lot.“

Kenji nods, fingers steepled in front of him thoughtfully.
“You know, he didn't listen to me when I suggested the doctor to him. Maybe you'd have a better chance of convincing him or get Lilly to do it. This isn't something he should just ignore. If there's a real problem, he should get it checked out.“

I think about it for a while before nodding.
“Yea, I guess. You're right, Kenji. I really should talk to Hisao about it soon. Both he and Lilly should see a doctor.“

I smile up at him.
“You're a good friend, Kenji. Lilly was just saying how mature you've become.”

Kenji smiles back at me warmly.
“Nah, just looking out for my bro. But you're a lot better at this sort of thing than I am, Hanako. If anyone can convince Hisao and Lilly to do the right thing, it's you. You should hear the things Hisao says about you.“

Surprised, I stare at Kenji and watch him for a while for any sign of exaggeration.
“What does he says about me?” I finally ask.

“Well, I know how important you are to him. He's even said that a life without you would be no life at all.“

My face turns red and despite my best efforts, I can't help but look away, embarrassment painted all over my face.
“H-Hisao really said that about m-me?”
“Yea, he said Lilly thought the same thing, that their marriage wouldn't be the same if you weren't involved.“

I feel a little light headed and my heart pounds in my chest. I take a few minutes to breathe slowly, calming myself down before I get worked into a panic.
“Th-that's good. Did he s-say anything else about me?“

Kenji thinks for a moment and look like he's going to say something, but then clamps his mouth shut again.

“What is it?”
Kenji shakes his head. “Sorry Hanako, can't say. The law of Manly Picnic binds me with bonds of brotherhood. Trust me, though. You're really special to Lilly and Hisao. They love you more than I can say.“

My smile is wide enough to make my cheeks hurt.
“So,” Kenji continues on as if nothing happened, “tell me more about your trip to Okinawa. It sounds fascinating.“

----------------------------------------

[Zaknafein]

I really hope we get to see the Manly Picnic.

Also, I'm really enjoying this. I'm excited for the next part.

[FluffandCrunch]

Part Four

[Raindrops and Puddles]
I spend another hour with Kenji at the Shanghei talking. He tried to explain the connections between all of his books and their wild speculations, but I still don't understand completely.

“It's gets a lot clearer in my next book, 'The Tyranny of Goddess Worship, The Illuminati and You!!!' Great title, I know.“

Now I know why Hisao was so concerned when he learned that I was having lunch with Kenji. He can be dangerous in large doses.

I head back home and kill some time reading a book, finish up a few chores that need doing and waste a couple hours with a video game, feeling pretty cozy in my big sweater. I'm not really able to focus though. I keep running through my head how I could bring up the subject of going to a doctor to Hisao and Lilly. I'm not even sure if they've talked about it between themselves yet. If they have they didn't mention it to me. The last thing I want to do is intrude in their personal business.

The day slowly passes on. Hisao is late by almost two hours when he pulls into the driveway. By then the nice summer day has been replaced by night and a strong downpour of rain.
Coming through the door, he looks tired and weary after the first day of school, his long jacket drenched in water.
“You look awful,” I say sympathetically.

Hisao gives me a tired smile and tosses his wet book bag and jacket onto the ground, throwing himself onto the sofa next to me. Legs hanging over the armrest, he rests his head on my lap and closes his eyes, sighing deeply.
I completely forgot what I was going to say next.

“That was not the most pleasant day,” he says, stretching his neck to find a comfortable position.
I pat him on the head and twist one of his messy cowlicks through my fingers.
“What happened?”
Hisao blows air through his lips making a rude sound.
“Shizune is what happened. She hounded me all day! I forgot to hand in my class list along with the student profiles. I sent them both in a week ago, but I didn't get the last of the profiles until after the list had been finalized! I didn't think it would be that big of a deal to send them in at separate times, but don't try to tell her that!“
He sighs, his cheek resting against my knee.
“I think it's a blessing Shizune can't talk. If I had to listen to both her and Misha go on all day, one in each ear, I don't know what I'd do! I'm a science teacher! I can make things!“
He looks up at me with mock, wild eyes.
“Things that explode!“

He turns away but then looks back up at me with a sidelong glance.
“Don't tell anyone I said that.”
I giggle and stroke Hisao's head.
“Of course not. So where's Lilly?”

“Ah, yes, Lilly. Seems she got roped into helping their Royal Majesties, The Queens of Yamaku with some left over schoolwork. Which is a real pain in the ass. If I didn't know better, I'd think that Shizune and Misha were intentionally trying to keep me and Lilly apart. We were both ready to get home, head upstairs, hop into bed and tear...“ Hisao stops, his eyes going wide.

He quickly sits up and coughs into his fist.
“Um, yea.”
I can't help but bite my lip to still myself, trying to keep myself from blushing.
“I see.”
Quickly recovering, Hisao changes the subject.
“Anyway, Misha and Shizune will be driving Lilly home, but not for a while now. Lilly insisted I head home and get dinner ready.“

“I can help with that. But do you have time for a game first?“

Hisao smiles back at me.
“You're on.”

We set up the chess board with practiced ease. A coin flip later and I'm white. I take a few minutes to consider my opening move. Hisao and I have played chess so many times, we know each other's style intimately. His greatest weakness is he's too timid, he doesn't take the initiative and lets too many opportunities pass when he should capitalize on them. We both know I'm the better player, but the longer the game goes, the better chance he has to win. I usually try capture as many high ranking pieces as possible with little concern to the loss of my own. I know he won't be able to react fast enough to make up for the initial loss. This time though I take my time, preferring a more conservative tactic.
I'll need all the time I can get to work up the courage to say what I have to say.

A half hour into the game I have three of his pawns and a bishop sitting on my side of the board. Hisao has one pawn and a knight. He takes a particularly long time staring at my rook a few spaces from his queen, locking her in the corner between his own line of pawns and the edge of the board.

“So Hisao...?”
“Hm?” he mumbles, chin in his hands and his eyes whittled down to tiny dots.
“I talked to Kenji today at the Shanghai.”
“That's good,” he says distractedly, “how is he doing?”
“Good. His book is coming along. He seemed a little concerned about you, though.“
Hisao looks up from the board.
“Really? About what?”
I match Hisao's eyes and take a moment to clear my head.
“He made it sound like you were upset the last time you two saw each other. He asked me if there was anything going on at home.“

[Breathlessly]
Hisao's eyes narrow suspiciously.
“What exactly did he say?”
“Only that you were upset about the trouble you and Lilly have been having with trying to have a baby.“
For a moment Hisao has a little bit of a blank look on his face, almost a relieved expression.
I think back to what Kenji said and what he wouldn't say.
Is something else going on between Lilly and Hisao I'm not aware of?

Hisao's eyes go back to that defensive glare, studying the pieces on the board.
“Kenji talks too much and says barely anything. It's none of his business what goes on between me and Lilly.“

Hisao moves his queen fast and sets her on the board, making the pieces shudder as he does.
Hasty move, Hisao, I think as I take his queen.

He seems less upset about the loss than the topic at hand.
“He's only concerned, just like me. You're the one who told me you're worried it might be because of something wrong with you.“
Hisao's lips tighten into a grim line, but he doesn't look up from the board.
“Well, there's not much I can do about that, is there? Can't really stop taking my medication, right?“

I give him a few seconds before I speak again in a calm and level voice.
“Perhaps if you're so concerned you should consider talking to Lilly about going to a doctor.“
Hisao looks up at me with a decidedly unfriendly gleam in his eyes.
“I hate doctors.”
“I know you do, but if there is something wrong, maybe it can be fixed. It would probably be the best thing for the two of you. We're only concerned for you.”

My tone and words only make him angrier. With a violent start he pushes away from the table, toppling his queen on my side of the board.
“Don't treat me like that, Hanako! I am not one of your students for you to coddle!”

The words and tone are a slap in the face, but I don't let him see me flinch. I only meet his eyes and force his full attention on me.
“If you're going to be angry, you should at least do something about it. It's been almost half a year now. With how careful you are with your health, I'm surprised you would let something like this freeze you into inaction.“
I pause and drop my eyes.
“I'm even a little disappointed in you.“

Hisao's eyes go wide, surprised either by my words or how much they affect him. I know it was a manipulative thing to do and I regret saying it.
For a moment it looks like he has something sharp to say back to me, but he bites his tongue.
We stare at each other, locking eyes for a few tense moments.
He's the one who breaks off first, looking away to avoid my disapproving eyes. He doesn't like losing and he steps away from the table and stalks towards the window, looking outside at the falling rain so he doesn't have to look at me.

Angry, he stands perfectly still, just breathing, his hand clenched into a fist. I calmly wait for him to come back to the chess board or be the first one to talk.

A few minutes pass in tense silence. With a sigh, he drops his shoulders and shakes his arm, the muscles clenched tightly.
“You're right, Hanako,” he says.

I sigh in relief, steadying my own shaking hands.

“You're right,” he says, resting his forehead against the glass, the cold, wet night outside.
“Lilly said the same thing, but I've fought it every time she brought the issue up. I just don't...want to know what's wrong. If I can't name it, then it's somehow still not my fault. If I had known I would have had that first heart attack, I probably still wouldn't have gone to the doctors.“
He looks more tired and miserable than before it that's even possible.
“I've fought my own body for so long. I'm just tired. I hate my own weakness.“

I stand up and walk over to Hisao, putting my arms around his chest and resting my head against his back. I can hear his heartbeat, loud and deafening, thumping out of his shoulder blades like a drum beat.
“You are not weak, Hisao. You overcame your heart and you'll do the same here.“

Hisao chuckles bitterly, the movement passing into me as he does, his tired face reflected in the raindrop spattered window.
“Problems in the chest and problems in the pants. I better call Rin and tell her to add me to her collection.“
“Hisao it doesn't make you any less of a man. You're the strongest person I know.“
He stares out the window.
“Only because I have Lilly.”
He turns around and faces me with a sad smile.
“And you.”
I'm taken aback by his sincerity.
“I-I'm not as strong as you are,” I say, looking away.
Hisoa puts his hands on my shoulders.
Gosh, he's tall.
“Yes, you are, Hanako. I wish I was as strong as you are. Everything you've gone through and accomplished on your own; I wish I had half your drive and determination.“
His hands move off my shoulder and cups my face, his rough palms warm against my cheeks.
“It took guts to talk to me like you did back there, to give me a slap in the face when I needed it. You've grown into a very strong and beautiful woman, Hanako.“

[Moment of Decision]
I don't even notice how hot I feel. All I can see are his kind eyes filled with admiration and feel my arms around him.

“Do you ever think about the past, Hanako?”
“Wh-what do you m-mean?” I stammer.
“I mean, have you ever thought how easily things could have been different? What if I had never gone running after Lilly at the airport? What if I didn't have that heart attack and stopped her from getting on that plane? What if it had just been me and you after that?“

“N-n-no.”
I'm lying.
I think about it a lot.

“I do sometimes,” Hisao says. "I think if things had ended up differently, I would have been very happy being with you.“

My heart explodes like a bomb in my chest!
My mind goes blank and white!
Before I even realize what I'm doing, I've pushed Hisao back against the window, wrapped my arms around his neck and I'm kissing him.
Not on the cheek, not on the head, not just off to the side of the lips.
I'm kissing Hisao!

It's the most wonderful thing I've ever done!
He tastes like expensive scotch and smells like leather and chalk dust. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end when I touch our tongues together, the warmth pouring out of him and into me, filling me up till I'm overflowing and I feel like I'm going to burst. I steal his breath and hoard it for myself, savoring every sensation running through my body.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realize that this is my first kiss.

I hold him for as long as I can, my hands twisted into his shirt, his hands wrapping around me and circling me before he kisses me back. I can feel the heat rising up in my body and I'm afraid I'll burst into flames in his arms!
My lungs scream for air but I ignore them.
I run my fingers through his hair and tightly grab hold.
I've wanted to do that for so long!
I don't want this to end!
I never want this to end!

By the time I'm floating back down from my tip toes, Hisao's hands are on either side of my hips, holding me steady as I settle back on my feet.
We're both gasping for air and a line of saliva is still connecting our lips together.
I look up into his eyes. He has a wide and surprised look on his face like it was the first time he had ever seen me.
I've never felt this happy before.
He whispers my name and the sound of it on his lips is more than I can describe.

I am Hanako.
[Caged Heart]
I am not Lilly.

A chill runs up my back and a feeling of revulsion sets into my stomach, twisting it into knots and making my blood run cold. I want to throw up. My lips itch and I want to tear them off! I rub at them furiously to make the filth in my mouth go away!

I am not Lilly!

“You need to pick her up,” I whisper, my hands covering my suddenly horrified expression.
Hisao looks even more confused than before, if that's possible.
“What?”
“You need to pick Lilly up! You need to bring her home right now!“

I wrench myself away from Hisao and run towards the stairs.
“Hanako! Wait!” he shouts after me, trying to follow.
“Stay away from me!” I scream, tripping and running up the stairs.
I can feel the tears in my eyes and they blind me like molten lead poured into my pounding skull. I tumble down the dark hall, bruising my arms and shoulders as I hurtle past doors and a side table. It trips me and I fall down on my face. I scramble back onto my feet, already propelling myself onwards, using my hands to crawl. I slam into my door and shut it behind me, hard enough to shake the house.
I lock it and frantically shove a dresser in front of the door as I barricade myself in the room before I slide under my bed to hide.
Not to keep Hisao out, but to keep me in.

I curl up around myself, arms wrapped tightly around my shivering body. I haven't even started crying yet, only managing to make shocked, gasping sounds as I try to breathe. My throat howls and burns, but I can barely make a sound.
I pull a pillow close and bury my face in it as I scream and scream and scream.

What have I done!?

[themocaw]

Definitely gotta end in a saishuudokin now.

[Mirage_GSM]

Very strong chapter.
Hope we'll not be hanging from that particular cliff for too long...

[Bagheera]

Holy crap. This story just went from "pleasant" to "addictive as crack" in nothing flat. You're on to something awesome here, don't let up!

[Homeless]

*Coughs, shudders*... I wipe the corner of my eye... and head out... looking for a moose to ride in an attempt to regain my manliness