Katawa Shoujo Forums

Thanks for the clarification, Fuin. I can safely say that there's no NTR in this one.


EDIT: I've decided that I'm not going to commit to a specific number of "chapters." It's done when its done. That said, I've just posted a smaller update (down below) and will be adding the second half of it a bit later. The rest will follow, hopefully every couple of days or so if I can keep at it regularly.

• Pt 1 - Reconciliation
  Pt 2 - The Hotel Room
  Pt 3 - Bad Connection
  Pt 4 - Flight
  Pt 5 - Arrival
  Pt 6 - Reunion
  Pt 7 - Letting Go
  Pt 8 - Breakdown
  Pt 9 - Departure
  Epilogue - Checkmate

A few hours later and I’m back in my hotel room. I walk over to the window and take in the view. Tokyo is really beautiful at night. Especially when seen from up so high. The phone rings and snaps me out of my trace.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Hanako! I’ve managed to push back tomorrow’s signing a few hours. You looked so out of it this afternoon that I figured you could use the rest.”

“Thanks, Sho. That’s… That’s great.”

He’s silent for a moment. When he starts talking again, his voice is much more serious.

“Really, Hanako, is everything okay? I know you don’t like celebrating your birthday and all but I’ve never seen you like that before. It was…” he pauses, “kind of scary, to tell you the truth.

“Yeah,” I sigh, “ I’m okay. It’s just… it caught me by surprise, and brought back some rather unpleasant memories.”

“…” he pauses again, “Anything you want to talk about?”

I shake my head as though I expect him to see me, “No, that’s okay. It’s… it’s something I’d rather not discuss right now.”

Silence again.

“Okay. But if you ever DO want to talk about it, I’ll be here.”

He can be really sweet sometimes…

“Thank you, Sho.”

“I’m serious, Hanako. Percentage or not I’m your friend. You can talk to me about anything, really.”

“I’ll be FINE, Sho,” I smile a little at his insistence, but I can’t keep the mild annoyance out of my voice. I hope I didn’t sound too harsh.

“Okay, well then you have a good night. Call me if you need anything.”

“I will. Goodnight, Sho.”

“Goodnight.”

I hang up the phone, lie down on the bed and close my eyes. Try as I might, I can’t get the image of Hisao’s tortured face out of my head. He’d pushed me too far, sure, but did he really deserve that? I didn’t think so. Not even back then. I’d regretted it almost immediately but the damage was already done. I open my eyes and look at the alarm clock. 9:47pm. I’ve got about an hour or so before I’ll have to get a shower and go to bed. I might as well lay here and feel sorry for myself a bit longer. I close my eyes again and get back to reminiscing.

I ruined everything.

I couldn’t stand to face Hisao after that. Every time we’d accidentally see each other in the halls or glance at one another in class I felt like I wanted to die. At the time I was still angry, but I didn’t want it to end like that. I probably could have apologized after some time had passed but a part of me was too proud for that. I’d finally stood up for myself, after all.

Of course now I feel awful about it. Looking back, I can’t say it was entirely his fault. Yes, he probably only thought of me as some delicate flower that needed to be protected. And my god did that infuriate me.

But did I give him any reason to feel otherwise?

No. I can admit that to myself now. I was mad because he didn’t understand me, just like everyone else, but in the end it was my fault. I never told him. Hell, I never even hinted at it. I just bottled everything up until I completely lost it.

And then I blew it.

I wanted to talk to someone about it. I needed Lilly. In hindsight, I think I wanted her to tell me I was wrong. I wanted her to scold me, then embrace me and tell me everything would be okay while I cried in her arms.

Because I wanted her to push me back to Hisao. I wanted her to convince me to try.

But when Lilly came back from Scottland, Hisao got to her first. He’d told her about our fight – My meltdown – and I just couldn’t approach her after that. She’d tried to talk to me, of course. She wanted to hear my side of things. But I’d said that I hate her. I couldn’t take something like that back.

She cared about me. They both did. And I pushed them away.

I avoided the both of them for the rest of the year. I found as many excuses as I could think of. I kept myself as busy as possible. Just so I could repress everything. It was a miserable time in my life. Even more miserable than the orphanage, because I’d put myself there.

It wasn’t all bad, though.

Which is true. Keeping myself busy meant spending a lot of time away from my room. I joined the school newspaper. I got out more. I started talking to people. In a way, my self-imposed exile got me out of my shell.

Was it worth it?

My breath catches in my throat at the thought and I have to fight back tears. No. No, it wasn’t worth it. At all. I’d destroyed any chances I had with the boy I loved. I’d turned my back on my best friend. My TWO best friends. I drove them away.

And into each other’s arms.

The tears push through. It’s all I can do to stifle my sobs. I’d abandoned them both, so could I really blame them for comforting each other? It’s not like Lilly wasn’t beautiful, and I had a feeling she was interested in Hisao for a while. Once I found out I gave up on the hope of ever speaking to either of them again.

After graduation I decided to take some college writing courses. I liked to read, so why not try my hand at writing? I never told anyone from Yamaku where I was going. I just packed up and left, thinking that no one would even notice I was gone.

Of course they noticed, I just didn’t want to admit it. I was too afraid to let anyone else close and ran away.

Even now, going on eight years later, I still haven’t learned my lesson. I never let anyone get close to me. Not close enough to know the real me, anyway. I just put on a happy face for the fans and my handful of acquaintances and hope it’s enough to keep them at bay. Sho is the only one who’s caught a glimpse of what’s behind the mask.

He really is a nice guy.

I wipe my eyes and stand up. I have to try and wash some of this away, even if it’s only temporary. I start undressing on my way to the bathroom. By the time I reach the shower and start the water running I’m completely naked. I step back to give it a few seconds to warm up and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

For a moment I don’t recognize my own reflection. The scars are still there, and I’ve been used to the shoulder-length hair for the better part of a year now, but the girl in the mirror looks completely lost. I’ve never seen someone who looked so alone. Is this what Sho saw today? No wonder he sounded so worried. I’d be worried, too.

So what? Does it matter how he feels about me or how I might feel about him? Things will only end badly for the both of us. Besides…

I’m still in love with Hisao.

I step back into the stream of water and freeze. Am I really? After all this time? Even after he and Lilly started dating?

After I took off and left them to their life together?

I twist the knob as far as I can. It only takes a second for the water to turn ice-cold. It starts to hurt almost immediately but I don’t do anything about it. The feeling of all those needles jabbing my skin keeps my mind off of everything else.

I finish my shower then collapse into bed.

Robnonymous wrote:My breath catches in my throat at the thought and I have to fight back tears. No. No, it wasn’t worth it. At all. I’d destroyed any chances I had with the boy I loved. I’d turned my back on my best friend. My TWO best friends. I drove them away.

And into each other’s arms.

That's surprising/interesting twist. At least for me, since I didn't see it coming, and sort of expected the story going towards the usual "and they lived happily ever after" happy end.

Do want more now.

Concur. I would have expected Lilly to be furious after Hisao ignored her advice acted like a total jerk and caused Hanako to turn away from her^^°

Mirage_GSM wrote:Concur. I would have expected Lilly to be furious after Hisao ignored her advice acted like a total jerk and caused Hanako to turn away from her^^°

Well, we didn't get the details, of how it has happened, so maybe she initially was. Just not enough to push Hisao away like Hanako did. (Lilly's usually more self-controlled, so she probably wouldn't do anything too rash)

• Pt 1 - Reconciliation
  Pt 2 - The Hotel Room
  Pt 3 - Bad Connection
  Pt 4 - Flight
  Pt 5 - Arrival
  Pt 6 - Reunion
  Pt 7 - Letting Go
  Pt 8 - Breakdown
  Pt 9 - Departure
  Epilogue - Checkmate

“Mmmuuuuhhhhh…” I mumble.

What time is it?

I force one eye open and search for the dull glow of the room’s alarm clock. 4am.

What’s waking me up?

The sharp ring of a phone cuts through the stillness, jarring me further. It doesn’t sound like the hotel’s phone. It sounds more like…

My cell phone.

I switch on the light sitting on the nightstand and jump out of bed. Where did I leave it? I think it was still in my pocket when I went to take a shower. That would mean it’s somewhere on the floor.

I zero-in on another ring and bound across the room. My pants are sitting in a crumpled heap just outside the bathroom door. I pick them up and quickly start digging through my pockets until I find what I’m looking for.

Who the hell is calling me now?

Whoever it is, it’s probably important. Not many people know my cell number and they all know I’m not a huge fan of using it unless it’s an emergency. I check the caller ID but don’t recognize the number.

For fuck’s sake, this had better not be about a magazine subscription…

I flip it open.

“H-Hello..?”

Silence. I can hear the faint buzzing of a connected line but whoever’s on the other end isn’t coming through. Either that or they aren’t talking. I try again.

“Hello?” I say with a little more forcefulness and a little less exhaustion.

“Um…” it’s a woman’s voice.

“… Hanako? Hanako Ikezawa?” It sounds strangely familiar.

No way…

“I’m sorry, who is this?”

It’s got to be my imagination.

“Hanako this… this is Lilly. Lilly Satou. From… from Yamaku.”

So it is Lilly. Holy shit…

She sounds almost exactly the way I remember, but completely different at the same time. Her voice is strained. She sounds nervous. I know exactly how she feels.

“… Remember..?” she adds, hopefully.

Part of me want to hang up. Just shut my phone off, go to the window and toss it away. After all these years and all this time… Why is she calling me? Why is she even willing to talk to me?

Why haven’t I answered her yet?

“L-Lilly,” I stutter, “h-hi. It’s been… a while…”

God, I sound so stupid.

“Yes, I-uh… I suppose it has.”

“How have you been?” am I REALLY trying to make small talk with her? After eight years of not so much as a letter?

“Um… Hanako… I’m calling because… I mean I wanted to tell you that…”

Spit it out already!

“A-Actually, Lilly,” I swallow hard, “there’s something I wanted to t-tell you, too. I-I’ve been wanting to for a l-long time. I was j-just too scared to…”

“Hanako, I really-“

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” I cut her off, letting the words out before I have a chance to stop myself, “I never wanted any of this to happen. I was a horrible friend and I never should have done what I did.”

I’m starting to cry now, but it just keeps pouring out of me.

“What I did to you and to… to Hisao… I wish I could take it all back. I WANTED to take it all back. I… I’ve missed you both so much!” I sob.

I don’t hear anything on the other end for what feels like hours. I can’t tell if Lilly’s hung up on me or is giving me time to collect myself. The slight bit of static in my ear makes me think it’s the latter. The sound of her clearing her throat confirms it.

“I… I’ve missed you too, Hanako,” now it sounds like she’s crying, “but that’s not why I’m… why I’m calling.”

Huh?

“Huh?”

I hear her take a deep breath, but when she speaks her voice is already starting to crack.

“Hi-Hisao… Hisao is… I mean… I thought you should… should know that…” I can hear her sniffling with each pause, “ he’s…”

No…

“L-Lilly, you’re… you’re scaring me,” I choke out.

Please, no…

“I-I’m sorry, but Hisao…” she sucks in another breath, “p-passed away yes-yeserday.”

…

“…”

She starts sobbing. It takes a second for my brain to catch up with what she’s just told me. My entire body feels numb.

But… but Hisao CAN’T be dead.

I can hear myself try to console her but I can’t be sure if I’m not just imagining things. I tell her I’m sorry. I tell her I’m so, so sorry. I can tell from her reaction that they were still close. Perhaps they were dating this whole time. Maybe even married. I ask her what happened and she tells me it was his heart. I’m not surprised. Shocked and completely devastated, but not surprised.

This isn’t really happening.

But it is. After a few minutes she regains a little of her composure. I can tell she’s still a wreck but she’s doing her best. I know it’s a lot better than I could manage if I were in her place. She tells me about the funeral. I tell her I’ll be there. She apologizes for calling me out of nowhere with such horrible news. I tell her it’s okay and that I’m glad she called. I want to scream at her for apologizing because she never did anything wrong. I don’t.

I can’t believe this…

I tell her I’ll be on the first flight out tomorrow morning. I tell her I’ll see her soon. She thanks me. We hang up. My legs give out and I hit the floor like a sack of bricks.

Hisao…

The boy I loved. The boy I’d always dreamed I could somehow work things out with. The boy I still quietly hoped would welcome me back into his life with open arms, even if we could never be a couple. Although a part of me still hoped for that, too. He’s gone. He’s gone and he’s never coming back.

And now there’s no way for me to set things right.

Then it hits me. Hisao is gone. Lilly isn’t here. I have no real friends. Right now I don’t have anyone.

I’m completely alone.

I cry. I cry harder and longer than I’ve ever cried in the twenty-six years I’ve been alive. Harder than when I woke up in the hospital in excruciating pain and found out my parents didn’t make it. Harder than the day of their funeral, which I couldn’t attend because I was still in the burn ward. Harder than my first week at the orphanage. Harder than my eighteenth birthday.

I barely make a sound. I can hardly breathe. I don’t know how long I can keep this up and I don’t care. If I pass out it’ll at least give me a slight reprieve. Of course I’d still have to deal with everything once I came to.

I could always kill myself.

The thought catches me off guard. No. I can’t - I won’t - Hisao would never forgive me and where would that leave Lilly? I can only imagine how much worse this has been for her. And she’s already expecting me.

I check the clock again once the tears finally dry up. 5:30am. Has it really been that long already?

That doesn’t matter.

I slowly drag myself off the floor, using the bed for leverage. I shuffle into the bathroom, my legs wobbling the whole way, then take a moment to wash my face. I avoid looking in the mirror. I go back to the bed, sit down, pick up the phone and start dialing. I hear a click.

“Uhllo..?”

“S-Sho, I-I’m sorry for calling you s-so early but I-I need a favor.”

Robnonymous wrote:Rest assured there will be more insight to Lilly and Hisao's relationship later. With that in mind, it's time to twist the knife a little.

You're evil. That's "a little"? I don't think I want to know, what would you consider twisting it a lot.
(I'd put some semi-humorous emoticon there, but considering the mood of the story, it just feels wrong now)

Still want more, though.

Demoneq wrote:

Robnonymous wrote:Rest assured there will be more insight to Lilly and Hisao's relationship later. With that in mind, it's time to twist the knife a little.

You're evil. That's "a little"? I don't think I want to know, what would you consider twisting it a lot.
(I'd put some semi-humorous emoticon there, but considering the mood of the story, it just feels wrong now)

Still want more, though.

I actually had the - - emoticon up there but decided to remove it since I thought it was visually distracting.

But thanks! I'm hoping I'll have the opportunity to write more today sometime.

... I'm enjoying it thus far but I fear my heart can't take much more heartbreak for hanako

> Oh hey a Hanako bad end fic.

> . . . YOU BASTARD!

Arg.
I wanted to find something to criticize, like I like to do, but when Lily called, I just had to read as fast as possible and completely forgot about that...

Only thing I can say (after a second read), is that I like that Hanako blurted it out directly. Adding another miscommunication on top of the plot would have been overly melodramatic.

All of these comments are making me and at the same time. Thanks everyone, and I hope you enjoy it to the end.

I had a feeling the story was going to go this direction. Hanako's probably better off having not passed out though, I bet she would have had some sort of nightmare. I really am enjoying this even if it's so sad. Will you be doing a neutral Hanako story after this since you've now done bad end and good end?

And now for critique.

Robnonymous wrote:A few hours later and I’m back in my hotel room. I walk over to the window and take in the view. Tokyo is really beautiful at night. Especially when seen from up so high. The phone rings and snaps me out of my trace.

I hang up the phone, lie down on the bed and close my eyes. Try as I might, I can’t get the image of Hisao’s tortured face out of my head. He’d pushed me too far, sure, but did he really deserve that? I didn’t think so. Not even back then. I’d regretted it almost immediately but the damage was already done. I open my eyes and look at the alarm clock. 9:47pm. I’ve got about an hour or so before I’ll have to get a shower and go to bed. I might as well lay here and feel sorry for myself a bit longer. I close my eyes again and get back to reminiscing.


But when Lilly came back from Scottland, Hisao got to her first. He’d told her about our fight – My meltdown – and I just couldn’t approach her after that. She’d tried to talk to me, of course. She wanted to hear my side of things. But I’d said that I hate her. I couldn’t take something like that back.


I avoided the both of them for the rest of the year. I found as many excuses as I could think of. I kept myself as busy as possible. Just so I could repress everything. It was a miserable time in my life. Even more miserable than the orphanage, because I’d put myself there.


Which is true. Keeping myself busy meant spending a lot of time away from my room. I joined the school newspaper. I got out more. I started talking to people. In a way, my self-imposed exile got me out of my shell.


My breath catches in my throat at the thought and I have to fight back tears. No. No, it wasn’t worth it. At all. I’d destroyed any chances I had with the boy I loved. I’d turned my back on my best friend. My TWO best friends. I drove them away.

Robnonymous wrote: I can hear myself try to console her but I can’t be sure if I’m not just imagining things. I tell her I’m sorry. I tell her I’m so, so sorry. I can tell from her reaction that they were still close. Perhaps they were dating this whole time. Maybe even married. I ask her what happened and she tells me it was his heart. I’m not surprised. Shocked and completely devastated, but not surprised.


But it is. After a few minutes she regains a little of her composure. I can tell she’s still a wreck but she’s doing her best. I know it’s a lot better than I could manage if I were in her place. She tells me about the funeral. I tell her I’ll be there. She apologizes for calling me out of nowhere with such horrible news. I tell her it’s okay and that I’m glad she called. I want to scream at her for apologizing because she never did anything wrong. I don’t.


I tell her I’ll be on the first flight out tomorrow morning. I tell her I’ll see her soon. She thanks me. We hang up. My legs give out and I hit the floor like a sack of bricks.

These are the parts that need work. Really the only problem is that they're kind of stilted. You should try fusing the sentences together with commas and "and"s to make it flow smoother.

Specter Von Baren wrote:I had a feeling the story was going to go this direction. Hanako's probably better off having not passed out though, I bet she would have had some sort of nightmare. I really am enjoying this even if it's so sad. Will you be doing a neutral Hanako story after this since you've now done bad end and good end?

...

These are the parts that need work. Really the only problem is that they're kind of stilted. You should try fusing the sentences together with commas and "and"s to make it flow smoother.

I'm not sure if I'll be doing a neutral Hanako story or not, but I'm leaning towards not. I feel like I'll be all Hanako-ed out after I finish this one but then again I also didn't think I'd be doing another one after Bad Dreams. And we can all see how that went.

As for the stilted sentences, I totally get what you're saying because I purposely wrote them that way. It's a stylistic decision that I'm actually rather fond of, but thanks for the feedback all the same.

Also, next segment is written. Just need to get it proofread this evening and I'll probably have it posted tomorrow.

What a tweest. Guess we know to whom the title doesn't refer. This actually makes me a lot more interested in the story, since Lilly and Hanako sitting down, as equals, and having a frank discussion about the nature of their relationship is something that I'd quite like to see. Hopefully Hisao's ghost won't completely hog the spotlight.

Robnonymous wrote:“Um…” it’s a woman’s voice. It sounds strangely familiar.

“… Hanako? Hanako Ikezawa?”

I assume these lines are both spoken by Lilly. If that's a correct assumption, they should be part of the same paragraph. Alternately, there should be a more solid indication that the second quote isn't Hanako's response. You can figure out that it isn't from context, but it's jarring because it breaks up the rhythm of the exchange. Even just bumping "It sounds strangely familiar" to its own paragraph might make things flow better.

Also, in part 1:
Keeping in mind that my last Japanese class was over a decade ago, I believe it would be more customary for an author's fan to address her with the honorific "-sensei" as opposed to "-sama."

Near the end, "handsome" is misspelled.

Robnonymous wrote:I’m still in love with Hisao.
I step back into the stream of water and freeze. Am I really? After all this time? Even after he and Lilly started dating?

This is a very good question. She only knew him for, what, a few months? And it's been eight years? Carrying a torch that long, for someone you never see or talk to... let's just say those kinds of feelings tend to not have a strong basis in reality.