Re: Black future
Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 11:48 pm
This seems interesting enough. You've got a good character here, although for one that doesn't want to seem prideful, he sure boasts a lot.
You might want to keep in mind the details of your characters surrounding a bit more. He can't see, so smells, textures, even small sounds that most people are going to over look, these will stand out to him more and should be mentioned.
Having him only be half Japanese is somewhat worrying. I've seen a lot of stories use the half Japanese transfer student idea and almost none of them do anything good with the idea. Since you edited it out of the story, you might want to ask yourself if it's a detail you really want to keep.
Also, I'm not sure how gluing a leather glove onto a hand with no skin is supposed to work. I've had quite a few pairs of works gloves in my life and even the toughest of them wear out or tear... not to mention they really do need to be washed sometimes.
You might want to keep in mind the details of your characters surrounding a bit more. He can't see, so smells, textures, even small sounds that most people are going to over look, these will stand out to him more and should be mentioned.
Having him only be half Japanese is somewhat worrying. I've seen a lot of stories use the half Japanese transfer student idea and almost none of them do anything good with the idea. Since you edited it out of the story, you might want to ask yourself if it's a detail you really want to keep.
Also, I'm not sure how gluing a leather glove onto a hand with no skin is supposed to work. I've had quite a few pairs of works gloves in my life and even the toughest of them wear out or tear... not to mention they really do need to be washed sometimes.