Katawa Shoujo Forums

Definitely wasn't bad, but as cpl said, you kept the same personalities as from the first week of the game.

Aside from that, It was worth the read.

I very much enjoyed reading that.

Although it is kind of...well maybe rude in a way, I give it a 7/10.

Which is better than 99% of all goddamn fanfics everywhere, good job man, Although the apartment bit was insanely predictable (apart from the picture bit, and the odd few details that you went into to make it better), It still had me glued to the screen, so props to you man, I loved it.
Problem is the more I think about it the more holes I can pick, so I'm not going to think about it and just say well done.

That was a pleasantly satisfying read. I guess because I had the pleasure of reading your edited final copy I didn't notice anything out of place. It's really hard to be critical when you're trying to enjoy something.

I applaud you for taking some artistic liberties with Rin. Really. You took a rather simple and funny concept like her 4 thoughts and turned it into a romantic plot device rather than a running gag. It helped to ground her personality. Another thing I liked is how you portrayed her anger in a very believable way. We don't get the opportunity to see her angry in the demo. The closest she comes in being upset is her hilariously delivered declaration that she was having her period, so we don't see what Rin anger looks like.

Another thing I liked was how Hisao had subtley transformed. Through his encounters with some of the cast we get a feel for the history we haven't witnessed thanks to the dialogue. What surprised me was how you had wrote a workable friendship with Lilly and Hanako into a Rin route, more so involved that Emi. The way Hisao's guilt came out when the revelation of Hanako's confession was brought up gives us a hint at where he has come from.

Ultimately, I think the way you carefully made it clear that Hisao desired Rin more than anything was beleivable and I kept wondering, "How will this work out?" I gotta say, the final scene left me quite happy with the final product.

A good read. Thanks for the effort.

That's all I have to say, really...Aside from the fact that you can't really help but extrapolate/straightline the characters based on the information you're given.

Keep up the good work, more along the same vein would be interesting, exploring Rin/Hisao's relationship a bit more....

OMG!!!

Man your are so great, this story had bring tears to my eyes.
I really enjoy reading it.

Pretty nice read, I don't have much to say other than well done.

I'm so absorbed in reading this for almost 30 mins..

I was really overwhelmed + astonished with your work..

great job and pls do some more..

As far as stories go, it was good but not great. As far as fanfiction goes, it was outstanding.

I'll echo some previous posters' sentiments here and voice my disappointment in the lack of character development, especially Rin. I realize that Rin is a bit of a challenge, but there was more room to develop her than you may have felt comfortable with, or even noticed. Flat characters offer opportunities, but ones that are as scatterbrained and incoherent as Rin are probably best thought of as being like the foundations of a pyramid: in order to have them grow, you need to pull them together and tighten the character quite a bit through time (I almost said "help to grow" there). It may have been awkward to present a more focused Rin because of the time lapse between Act I and your story, but the Rin you gave was still something of a disappointment. She may not be the most "united" person, but even people like that can pull it together if given the right prodding.

I know this will detract from any credibility that might have given me, but my creative writing skills aren't too great; I'm more of a connoisseur of fiction than a chef (my training was all geared towards debate, so I'm not good with things that aren't argumentative in nature). However, I think this much is worth saying based off of what I've read elsewhere and my own thoughts on the matter. It's the intarwebs, feel free to disagree.

Thanks for the good work, and here's hoping it gets better.

I don't have a clever wall of text type thing to say, but I really enjoyed it. It was lovely and some bits of it were very funny as well.

That was so epic.
I came. <3

This is honestly one of the gest stories i have read on here. This needs to be put in a hall of fame or somthing. My only problem with it was I want more and that probably will never happen till the game comes out.

Oops, I almost missed this one.
A bit predictable, but a very enjoyable read nonetheless.

Rin wrote:"Remember how I can only have four thoughts at one time? ...Since we met, at least one has been you."

Very sweet. My favourite line.

That was beautiful.
11/10