Katawa Shoujo Forums

Is good story. Very heart-warming. But not enough cat. Nevertheless, I had a lot of fun reading this. Backwards and forwards. Backwards because when you click on the thread you get the most recent post of... five. Forwards because that's the way it should be read. I think. Rin would have conniptions. Or maybe not.

That pairing was something I didn't expected, and for a surprise, it was a really pleasant one. And the lil flashbacks you add in the story are just... well.... wholesome. Everything is at its place, nothing feels out of place. Everything is heart-warming, and the final part with Lilly talking like that to Rin was just the peak. That was a wonderful piece, wholesome, heart-warming, and I'm glad you shared this to us. It was charming, and a pleasant read from the beginning to the end. I have a thing for pieces with flashbacks, and you did an excellent work. Thanks for that, Chatty.

That was heart warming and wonderful! (And an incredible prompt from Brister I must add!) I think you really captured the awkwardness an interaction like that would have, but the ultimately vulnerable way that people seem to become around Rin! I’m glad Time is Dancing inspired you, the structure here definitely works very well - though as Bry says, it almost doesn’t matter. Have you ever had a moment where suddenly your life is walking in the back of your head? That’s sort of what Lilly is going through here.

Also, I’m not sure I’ve read anything on the forum with a development History - its fascinating, but then, my own literary interests prescribe that kind of thing upon me anyway.

Regardless, a wonderful tale - and coupled with your first story you’ve made a fantastic debut onto the forums. Congratulations! Merry Christmas! Merry Valentine’s Day, maybe more fitting

I would like to have more development histories in general - I quite like them. As I see it, post-mortems can be more interesting than living beings. While merely explaining what you meant in a story is rarely worthwhile, hearing the journey to a story is indeed worth it.

Some people prefer to keep their mysteries. Perhaps it might sometime be better that way. I know my own opinion on metastories.

I'm pretty certain everybody would say the extra month was very much worth the wait!

Hello Mex, brythain, Razoredge, Feurox, Nuke, and Mirage,

Thank you all for giving my story a read, and thank you for taking the time to make comments on it—I've been reading them as you guys have been posting them! These last couple of weeks have been pretty busy—what with starting a new semester and all—but I finally have some time on my hands to sit down and respond to all of your comments.

Starting off, I'm really glad that this story seems to have given off the feel-good vibes that I was hoping it would. Writing this story was certainly something out of my comfort zone, and I allowed myself to be more experimental than normal, so I'm pleased that most of those experiments didn't majorly backfire—as it would seem.

With that said, I'll dive into your comments more specifically now!

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MexicanPsychopath wrote: ↑Sun Jan 31, 2021 6:59 pm Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on your second creative KS piece! It was an honor to work as your proofreader, and I would love to do so again if you'll have me.

I know that we've already talked a bunch over DMs, but I feel like thanking you once more, Mex. Having a second pair of eyes on my writing really helps me, and I rely on second opinions quite a lot when making decisions, and I found all of your feedback to be exceptionally helpful. Not to mention that your comments forced me to really think deeper about what I was writing—having somebody to prompt those thoughts is a big help.

I'm glad you enjoyed the proofreading process, and I look forward to seeing what you have in store for us in the future—whether that's proofreading, comments on other works, or your own stories.

And yes, I've been somewhat intoxicated by the fact that I got your first and second post on these forums.

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MexicanPsychopath wrote: ↑Sun Jan 31, 2021 6:59 pm I hope Brister enjoys what you've created here, because I sure have.

I'm glad you brought that up, because I wanted to mention at some point in this post that I have talked to Brister about this story over Discord. We had a nice long voice chat about it where he said that he enjoyed the story, but didn't feel comfortable posting about it. He told me that I went above what he had in mind when he wrote his prompt, and enjoyed how I used the prompt to explore Lilly's character. He also seemed satisfied with how I wrote Rin, so I guess that I overcame my biggest obstacle—that being writing Rin convincingly!

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brythain wrote: ↑Sun Jan 31, 2021 10:27 pm Is good story. Very heart-warming. But not enough cat. Nevertheless, I had a lot of fun reading this. Backwards and forwards.

I can't argue with your 'criticism'—not enough cat is a death sentence for any work of literature.

All joking aside, I'm glad that you liked reading my story! I'm still a little perplexed as to how you managed to read the story backwards without totally being lost, but I'm pleased that you were still able to find enjoyment out of it. Maybe I should try reading literature backwards and see how it goes! It sort of reminds me of the movie, Memento. If it worked for that movie, then I suppose it can work for literature.

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Razoredge wrote: ↑Sun Jan 31, 2021 11:17 pm That pairing was something I didn't expected, and for a surprise, it was a really pleasant one... It was charming, and a pleasant read from the beginning to the end. I have a thing for pieces with flashbacks, and you did an excellent work...

It seems like this story had the desired affect on you! I'm glad that you found the story to be heart-warming, and that you found the flashbacks to be effective rather than intrusive—which was a worry of mine when I first posted the story.

Thank you for writing this comment, Razoredge. It sure made my day to read it.. and I also wanted to say that I've seen you posting comments on a lot of stories lately, in addition to posting your own works. I think I can speak for most of the writers here (especially the new ones, like me) that means a lot to us that you take the time to write comments on our stories. So, thank you.

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Feurox wrote: ↑Mon Feb 01, 2021 8:31 am That was heart warming and wonderful... I think you really captured the awkwardness an interaction like that would have, but the ultimately vulnerable way that people seem to become around Rin... Have you ever had a moment where suddenly your life is walking in the back of your head? That’s sort of what Lilly is going through here.

Thank you for reading, Feurox! I'm stoked that my handling of Rin was to your liking. As I've said over and over again, I've always found her difficult to understand and difficult to get a grasp on, so when read Brister's Rin-centric prompt, it was a little scary. I enjoyed the challenge though, and I had plenty of other stories (Time is Dancing being one of them) and other authors to be inspired by to help me along the way.

Yeah, having your life suddenly hit you is something I think that we can all relate to. Like you said, Rin is somebody who I think that you can easily become vulnerable around. Vulnerability can trigger self-reflection, and that's what I wanted to capture with Lilly in this story. After Lilly is made vulnerable by Rin (thanks in part to Rin pointing out Lilly's hypocrisy), Lilly is sent into a state of self-reflection—reopening her wound from what happened with Akira two years ago. It's through this self-reflection that Lilly is able to become objective about her situation and ultimately find a way to connect with Rin. Sometimes, allowing 'life to walk in the back of your head' can allow you to grow, even if it is painful to peel off that bandage at first.

Darn, I went off on a tangent again. Haha! Thanks for reading, Feurox. Merry Valentine's Day to you as well.

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Feurox wrote: ↑Mon Feb 01, 2021 8:31 am And an incredible prompt from Brister I must add!

I mentioned that I've been talking to Brister of DMs and voice chat quite a bit. In those conversations he told me that reading this made him happy.

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Feurox wrote: ↑Mon Feb 01, 2021 8:31 am Also, I’m not sure I’ve read anything on the forum with a development History - its fascinating, but then, my own literary interests prescribe that kind of thing upon me anyway.

NuclearStudent wrote: ↑Wed Feb 03, 2021 4:01 am I would like to have more development histories in general - I quite like them... Some people prefer to keep their mysteries.

I was especially pleased to read this. Believe it or not, I was a little hesitant to write and post the development history section on this story and my last one. I was nervous that it would seem too much like me tooting my own horn, but it seems like you guys found it interesting—which is how I hoped it would come across. I think I'll keep writing development histories for all of my future stories. After all, you all know how much I like to ramble on and on when given the opportunity...

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Mirage_GSM wrote: ↑Sat Feb 13, 2021 11:58 am I'm pretty certain everybody would say the extra month was very much worth the wait!

It's a relief to hear you say that, Mirage. I can sleep a little more soundly now...

Thanks for taking the time to read my story!

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Take care, everyone! Have a nice day.

Chatty Wheeler wrote: ↑Sat Feb 13, 2021 1:13 pm It seems like this story had the desired affect on you! I'm glad that you found the story to be heart-warming, and that you found the flashbacks to be effective rather than intrusive—which was a worry of mine when I first posted the story.

Thank you for writing this comment, Razoredge. It sure made my day to read it.. and I also wanted to say that I've seen you posting comments on a lot of stories lately, in addition to posting your own works. I think I can speak for most of the writers here (especially the new ones, like me) that means a lot to us that you take the time to write comments on our stories. So, thank you.

Not to justify myself, but, I'm more the "quiet reader" type. It's a habit I took a long time ago, and it's bad. It's bad because, when I enjoy a story, I have troubles to say I liked it. I always think that my reviews are just boring and bland, because I want to say more than "I like it", but given I have trouble to express my feelings in the good way, I always end with boring reviews for my own taste. Crafty was right to told me to act up, to show my care for other stories. Because, yeah, I do love the stories, but, if I don't tell the writer I liked his/her story, how would he/she understand that I liked it? So, yeah, I have to act up, and write things down. Because reviews, even if it's not fully litteral and ultra fancy, are always good to have for a writer. And I need to act up and show my actual care for the stories. I like them, so I need to tell it. I'm glad you liked what I told you, because I really mean it. It was a wonderful piece, and I'm pretty sure a lot of us think the same about it. I would be pleased to read something similar to this from you in the future.

Well, I'm rather late, but this was very enjoyable to read. I'll admit I was a little lost at a few points, but learning you were writing it for BristerXD made it make a bit more sense, lol. I'm always a fan of stories that involve people being forced to confront the things they're most afraid of, and this one did that quite well with Lilly and her father. Fantastic work, both Chatty and Psycho for putting this quality piece together. Chatty, I remember you being apprehensive about writing anything yourself not all that long ago. You're far, far better than you give yourself credit for. Keep it up.

Hey there, Xeraeo! Thanks for reading my little story. I'm glad that it lived up somewhat to the brutal standards that I set for myself while writing it.

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Xeraeo wrote: ↑Sat May 22, 2021 7:45 pm I'll admit I was a little lost at a few points, but learning you were writing it for BristerXD made it make a bit more sense, lol.

Ha! I was definitely aware that that may be a possibility while I was writing it. I find it somewhat humorous that you were able to absolve me of the issue just because I was writing it for BristerXD, though! With that said, after speaking about the story with Brister, I found out that even he got lost at some spots (particularly in Part 4), so perhaps I pushed a little too far into the realm of the abstract weirdness that fascinated me while I was writing it. If I were to rewrite the story, I may have reigned in the weirdness a little bit, but I'm still standing by with the knowledge that writing this story involved a bunch of experiments, and that I knew going in that not every experiment was going to be a home run for everyone. With that said, it doesn't mean that experiments can't be a lot of fun to conduct, though!

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Xeraeo wrote: ↑Sat May 22, 2021 7:45 pm I'm always a fan of stories that involve people being forced to confront the things they're most afraid of, and this one did that quite well with Lilly and her father.

Yes! You summed it up very succinctly. The main goal of this story was to cut to the core of Lilly's character flaws, dissect them, explain them, and present possible ways for her to grow beyond them. I was specifically interested in the tendency that Lilly showed in the visual novel to bury her head in the sand when faced with an overwhelming situation. I saw that as her main character flaw—the one that kept her from doing anything when faced with the prospect of having to move back until Scotland until Akira basically forced Hisao into forcing her to do something. I wanted to replicate that kind of a conflict here, so that's why I introduced the father aspect of the story.

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Xeraeo wrote: ↑Sat May 22, 2021 7:45 pm Fantastic work, both Chatty and Psycho for putting this quality piece together.

Thank you for noticing my proofreader! He's a lurker on your story, To Miss the Mark, by the way.

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Xeraeo wrote: ↑Sat May 22, 2021 7:45 pm Chatty, I remember you being apprehensive about writing anything yourself not all that long ago. You're far, far better than you give yourself credit for. Keep it up.

That's very, very encouraging, and I really appreciate you saying that! I've been kicking around a few ideas for possible short stories—some comedic and some dramatic. Hopefully I can get my brain into gear during summer and get something cookin'!

Thanks for the post, Xeraeo. It was a lovely surprise to read this on a Saturday evening.