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Re: Sleight Of Hand | Part 4 | 17/8/15

Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 3:09 pm
by Alpacalypse
Caught one, boss!
swampie2 wrote:stand from her seat's
"From their seats", I believe. dude, you pluralised with an apostrophe. For shame :(

Anyway, besides that, woohoo, more scamps to mess around with Hisao! :D I can see myself liking this story more and more down the line - I love cheeky-git characters.

Keep on keeping on, Swampie! :wink:

Re: Sleight Of Hand | Part 4 | 17/8/15

Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 3:15 pm
by swampie2
Alpacalypse wrote:Caught one, boss!
Bleh. :lol:

Thanks for pointing that one out, I'll get a handle on it eventually.
Alpacalypse wrote:Anyway, besides that, woohoo, more scamps to mess around with Hisao! :D I can see myself liking this story more and more down the line - I love cheeky-git characters.

Keep on keeping on, Swampie! :wink:
Glad you're enjoying it! I'm hoping for this to be more of a slice of life fic than a route, so we'll have lot's of adventures with the new guys. :P

Re: Sleight Of Hand | Part 4 | 17/8/15

Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 4:28 pm
by Sharp-O
Damn, that was over before I even knew it! :(

The other years getting play is a fun idea. I look forward to more shenanigans.

Re: Sleight Of Hand | Part 4 | 17/8/15

Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 5:35 pm
by Mirage_GSM
Two minor typos:
I get the jist
"gist"
I murmor,
"murmur"

I don't seem to get the "stud" gag - if there is one...
I'm also not quite sure the Taichi gag works in Japanese, but you don't have to care if it does :-)

A short but entertaining chapter all said.

Re: Sleight Of Hand | Part 4 | 17/8/15

Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 5:51 pm
by swampie2
Thanks for corrections once again Mirage!
Mirage_GSM wrote:I don't seem to get the "stud" gag - if there is one...
I'm also not quite sure the Taichi gag works in Japanese, but you don't have to care if it does :-)
The stud gag was kind of a joke on Aki's part, since she thinks that Hisao and Ayumu are hitting it off since he figured out her trick.

The Tagichi gag was kind of a second thought. I was trying to think up names that Aki could make fun of and found Taichi. I'm not sure if that's how it actually works since I'm English, but I couldn't pass up on the joke. :lol:
behindthename.com wrote:Taichi
From Japanese 太 (ta) "thick, big" and 一 (ichi) "one".
This was shorter chapter, I agree, but I'll be updating some more in a little while. :mrgreen:

Re: Sleight Of Hand | Part 4 | 17/8/15

Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 6:16 pm
by Mirage_GSM
Yes, the readings of the Kanji are correct, but "一" is the number 1 or the ordinal not usually the article, so I'm not sure a Japanese would make the connection. Also "太" (tai or ta) is more thick or fat*, while height uses the kanji "高" (takai)。

Apparently 高一 (read: Koichi) is also used for names, though I've only found Chinese ot Taiwanese examples.

But as I said it's not really a problem if you don't want to make it one.

*though it's also used in 太陽 (sun) - I'm not quite sure about the etymology behind this.

Re: Sleight Of Hand | Part 4 | 17/8/15

Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 8:13 pm
by swampie2
"You're kidding me." I sigh, my jaw slack with disbelief.

"Yep, it's known as 'Arata duty'" Shin continues, his face locked into a frown.

"So let me get this straight; You need me to go and get your brother from OCS and make sure he doesn't lift any wallets on the way back?"

"Right, and Koharu isn't here, and I did it yesterday." He sighs, his frown pulling downwards even further.

"But why do they trust his friends?" I question, still baffled.

"We've all got clean records aside from Koharu, but she always returns the wallet after she's done, so her record is clean enough."

"But wouldn't his 'friends' just let him keep lifting wallets?" My brain churns as it tries to compute the information, it makes no sense.

"They might, but it's better that than having him steal a purse from his escort." He sighs, I can tell he's had to do this many times over the two years they've both attended.

"Alright, I don't really get why the teachers think that's the best way to go about it but... whatever." I sigh, my face now matching Shin's. "Where do you want me to bring him?"

"His room would be good, he's on 'lockdown'" He air quotes, clearly the room isn't guarded all that well. "Hold on, I'll write you a note so he knows who you are."

"Alright, thanks." I shake my head, this seems like a job that'll become a regular occurrence given that they even have a name for it. Palming the pencil note from Shin, he raises his hand into a wave and makes his way off towards the dorms. Suppose I should get to the auxiliary building soon.

---

"Hey, I'm here to pick up a student from OCS." I read from the back of the note while the rather bored person sitting behind the counter types idly.

"Taichi again?" She looks up from her monitor and catches sight of me. "Oh, they sent someone new?"

"Mhmm, I'm friends with his brother." I shrug, thinking about how quickly I have been taken into the eclectic band of friends.

"Sure, he's in the first room on your right." She shrugs back, clearly used to having students pick him up. Giving a quick thanks and my signiture, I make my way down the hallway. Finding the correct room, I give it a sharp knock.

"Hey, I'm here to pick you up, apparently..." I question through the door, still unsure of my own motives.

"One sec." A voice responds from behind the door, and a second later it swings open.

"Oh, sorry, I think I must have the wrong room." I stare at the person before me. Pink hair. So very bright.

"Oh, you must be necktie something or other, right? Thanks for busting me out, bro." He strides past me and shoulders his bag.

"You... You are Arata... right?"

"That's my name, don't wear it out." He responds with a shrug and a smirk.

"I think I know why you keep getting caught." I chuckle before beginning the walk out of the building.

"Really? I'd love to hear it man." He catches up to me after a short skip and falls into step.

"Honestly, I think it's the hair." I laugh, it's no wonder he keeps getting caught, especially with a reputation like his. Speaking of that.

"I'd appreciate my wallet back, I hear you have a problem with returning them." I sigh, I felt his hand in my back pocket when he left his room, he used the movement of his bag to cover his hand. Very sneaky.

"Dammit!" He curses "Can I still add it to the counter?"

"Sure, whatever you like." As long as I get my wallet back I don't really care. After a second of thought he returns it with a shrug and a sigh before pulling a small notebook out of his top pocket and scrawling in it.

"What's your actual name? I need it for the book, please and thank you." He questions with his nose firmly placed in the book. I see a half page of names, there could only be fifteen to twenty on there, at this rate he'll never beat Koharu.

"Hisao Nakai." I reply flatly, I need to go to bed.

---

[Shin][We're outside.]

And with that, I pat down my pockets to make sure I've got everything. Wallet, phone, emergency slip, keys; All set. I've taken to carrying a slip of paper detailing my condition on it, that way if I go down in the field I can just pull the paper out of my pocket and have some hope that I won't die right there. It's not the most detailed, but it's got contact numbers and information that medical staff could use. Better than nothing, at least.

Stepping outside and throwing on my jacket, I check my phone once more.

[Shin][We're going into town after class, wanna tag along?]

[Hisao][Sure, sounds good to me.]

[Shin][We'll be meeting at the front gate, I'll text you when.]

Front gate, right. As I begin to wander over towards the large iron gate, I begin to consider if I need anything from the store. I don't really, but hanging out with the guys again would be good. I saw them yesterday, but I've been enjoying their company more and more since I met them last week. In that week, I've been given 'Arata duty' twice. It's amazing how often this guy can get himself in trouble.

"...he figured me out right away, I don't know how he does it. Honestly..." I hear Arata speaking rather loudly past the gate.

"It's not nice to talk about people behind their backs." I slink out from the shadows, feeling rather stealthy.

"Gah! See! He's like a magician!" Arata throws both his arms towards me, showing my position to Shin, Aki and Koharu who are all gathered around him.

"There might be a competitor to your throne." Aki jabs towards Koharu, who simply shrugs.

"He'll never be as good as me." She winks. We all share a chuckle before we begin making our way down the hill.

"And he even wore a necktie!" Aki exclaims, noticing my tie from under my vest and attempting to tug it free. "The vest isn't so cool though."

"I'll chalk it up to not having sleeves, makes everything better when he can't hide stuff there." Koharu speaks over her shoulder while leading the group.

"Sure, we'll go with that." I chuckle nervously. "Just so you guys know, If I take a tumble then there is a note in my pocket telling you what to do." I sigh. I'm still being held back by my condition.

"I'm not giving you mouth to mouth." Arata states clearly.

"Sounds like you've had a run in with that." I chuckle, feeling the atmosphere return to jokes after I brought it down with my death note.

"You wouldn't believe... She was b-e-a-utiful." He waves his arms in the air, as if imagining the mystery girl before him.

"Knock it off, asshat." His brother delivers a swift punch to his arm, quickly breaking him from his daydream.

"If I'm going to tell you about that, then you've gotta hear the story where I-" Arata is quickly cut off by three simultaneous sighs. Arata hangs his head with his bubble popped, and we continue our way towards the town, chatting and joking like a group of people who've known each other for years; That's why I'm friends with these guys, the mood. Before long, we've arrived at the shanghai.

"I thought you guys would be taking me here."

"Well when Yuuko is running the place we can get free drinks, easy." Arata clarifies as we step inside. Said Yuuko quickly makes her way over to us and gives a deep bow.

"Oooh, Ayumu, can you show me another trick today?" She plays right into her palm. If only Yuuko had any common sense.

"Sure, I'll show you at the table." She sighs, just as confused as I am that she'd want to be swindled.

"I'll get your usual drinks... and..." She looks to me, physically shaking.

"I'll just have a coffee, thanks." I relieve her from her self imposed torture with a chuckle. Our waitress gives another unsettlingly deep bow and scutters off to to the back area. Once we're seated, Koharu turns to me.

"Your top pocket please, Nakai." She points to me. I'm confused for about five seconds until I tap my pocket and feel something inside. Reaching down through my vest, I pull out a pack of cards. That's incredible, a top pocket through a vest? I don't know how she does it. We didn't even touch eachother? How?

"Thanks!~" She cheers while taking the cards from my palm, frozen before me as I rack my brains for any time that she could have pulled that. As if she's reading my mind, she responds to my thoughts. "I'll teach you... on one condition." She holds up a finger, signifying the 'one' condition.

"This sounds lewd." I joke while leaning forward onto the table. I have to find out.

"Possibly..." She dances her fingertip over her lips. "I need an assistant." She finishes.

"An assistant?" I mirror in confusion.

"You know, like 'and here is my beautiful assistant' and all that. I asked Aki but she's working on that day."

"Sorry." Aki shrinks into her seat as I formulate my reply.

"Well I don't see why not." I reply. I want to learn how she managed that.

"The contract is sealed!" Arata explodes, obviously he'd been holding in laughter for that whole exchange.

"You're a braver man than I." Shin chuckles. Just what did I sign up for...

"But I think I know how you did it." My thoughts grind to a halt as I realize. "Aki mentioned my tie, she pulled on it and I almost fell over. A two person operation?" I finish, I hope I'm right. The brothers both whoop as Koharu shifts in her seat uncomfortably while Aki seems to shrink even smaller than she usually is. Koharu leans forward ominously, her bangs falling over her eyes.

"Impressive."

---

I updated the OP with some banners and more in depth blurbs for each of the characters, take a peek!

P.s: I gave Koharu's image model a quick google search, and found this:

Image

I suppose I need to watch Boku wa Tomodachinow. :lol:

Re: Sleight Of Hand | Part 5! | 18/8/15

Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 9:13 pm
by Sharp-O
I'm really digging this group dynamic, Arata is instantly likeable and Nakai as the comedic foil to Koharu is going to be fun to watch so I'm hooked!

There's only one SPaG error I can see and that's "But why do they trust his freinds?" and you've gone a weirdly jail-like direction for On-Campus Suspension, or is Arata just that much of a raging klepto? :lol:
swampie2 wrote:P.s: I gave Koharu's image model a quick google search, and found this:

I suppose I need to watch Boku wa Tomodachinow. :lol:
You will not regret watching Haganai. It's a fantastic show and Rika is definitely bestgirl for that show for many reasons. :lol:

Re: Sleight Of Hand | Part 5! | 18/8/15

Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 9:33 pm
by AntonSlavik020
This may not be fair, but Arata got off to a TERRIBLE start for me by being a thief. That fact alone will make it difficult for me to like him. I actually do like the group dynamic overall, it's just that one fact that I'm likely going to hold against them for a while. Even if they return them it still kinda gets on my nerves. I place a very high value on personal property, so someone taking something without my permission, even temporarily, would annoy me. I like everything else, just not that.

Re: Sleight Of Hand | Part 5! | 18/8/15

Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 9:40 pm
by swampie2
Sharp-O wrote:I'm really digging this group dynamic, Arata is instantly likeable and Nakai as the comedic foil to Koharu is going to be fun to watch so I'm hooked!
I'm glad you're enjoying it! This chapter was super fun to write.
Sharp-O wrote:There's only one SPaG error I can see and that's "But why do they trust his freinds?" and you've gone a weirdly jail-like direction for On-Campus Suspension, or is Arata just that much of a raging klepto? :lol:
He really wants to beat Ayumu's record, so much so that he attempts to pick up a wallet wherever had can. He even managed to grab Mutou's once, but he didn't even make it out of the door.
Sharp-O wrote:You will not regret watching Haganai. It's a fantastic show and Rika is definitely bestgirl for that show for many reasons. :lol:
I'm three episodes in right now, and I am enjoying it so far!
AntonSlavik020 wrote:so someone taking something without my permission, even temporarily, would annoy me.
I can see how this would be annoying, that's one of the main reasons why Koharu doesn't do it anymore.

Re: Sleight Of Hand | Part 5! | 18/8/15

Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 2:52 am
by Mirage_GSM
make sure he doesn't lift and wallets on the way back?"
any
"But why do they trust his freinds?" I question, still baffled.
friends
the rather bored person sat behind the counter types idly.
sitting
I still think this US model of OCS is kinda impractical at a small school like Yamaku except if half the students are delinquents, but in Arata's case I'd not be surprised if they upheld the system just for him. :lol:

Also, to have Hisao, the scientist, see through all the magic tricks - nice touch.

Re: Sleight Of Hand | Part 5! | 18/8/15

Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 4:38 am
by swampie2
Mirage_GSM wrote:I still think this US model of OCS is kinda impractical at a small school like Yamaku except if half the students are delinquents, but in Arata's case I'd not be surprised if they upheld the system just for him. :lol:
I wouldn't put it past Yamaku to keep the whole thing open just for him.
Mirage_GSM wrote:Also, to have Hisao, the scientist, see through all the magic tricks - nice touch.
I'm really glad you spotted that, actually, that was one of the main reasons I wanted to go further with this character, I'm glad that I was able to convey that! :mrgreen:

Thanks for corrections as always!

Re: Sleight Of Hand | Part 5! | 18/8/15

Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 4:07 pm
by swampie2
"So here is the deal..." Koharu states as the cards in her hand are spread across the felt surface in front of me, face down.

"I don't need you on stage, I just need you to watch carefully and tell me what you see." She speaks to me but keeps her gaze concentrated on her hands and the cards. "If you can figure it out then I need to work on it."

"I see... but I don't think I'm the best for this, I don't know any magic." I tilt my head, watching her intently to make sure she's not got anything up her sleeve, possibly literally.

"But you have figured out everything I've shown you so far. You have a scientist's mind, Nakai, the ability to deconstruct reality." She smirks. I've always had a like for science, but I never thought it'd help like this.

"I don't think it goes as far as that." I shrug as she hands me the deck.

"Shuffle these please." She asks politely, and I obey. Once the cards are shuffled she takes them back and spreads them out face up on the small felt-top table. "So every card is in a random position, correct?"

"Seems the way." I mutter as I inspect the cards, I don't see anything out of the ordinary.

"Great." She exclaims as she gathers the deck up again and gives them another shuffle before placing them back on the table. "Cut the deck anywhere you like." She smiles sweetly. As before, I obediently follow her command and cut the deck neatly down the middle, creating two small piles. Koharu slides four cards from the top of the second pile and smiles at me.

"I need to speak with this card... could you... cover you ears?" She giggles, enjoying the little show she's putting on.

"Speak with the card, eh?" I chuckle as I place my hands on the side of my head, covering my ears. She moves the card to her ear and begins whispering, nodding occasionally as if holding a conversation.

"Alright, thanks!" She giggles again before placing the cards back on the second pile. "That card told me something important... specifically, who you're dating." Her face drops.

"Not the answer you were hoping for?" I chuckle.

"I didn't know you swug that way..." She smile mischievously. "But it also told me where to find the ace of hearts." She continues as she counts four cards from the top of the second pile, before flipping over the fourth and showing the ace of hearts.

"Very clever, but I think I know how it's done." I beam my own smirk right back at her. "When you showed me the cards to make sure they were random, you remembered that the ace of hearts was fourth down, then just kept those four on top when you shuffled."

"Gah!" She leans backwards, a palm firmly planted upon her face. "That's alright, that was just a simple one." She shakes her shoulders loose before picking up the cards one again.

"Well then hit me with all you've got." I smile.

---

"I wonder how necktie's doing?" Arata mutters to himself.

"I'd say he's figured out her first trick and she's acting all 'well that was just the simple one!'" I retort. They're remarkably easy to read.

"Maybe..." He continues, his tone becoming more somber by the second, he's clearly got something on his mind.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I question as our boots crunch the gravel below us.

"Do you think that wallets from outside of Yamaku count?" He spouts.

"That's clearly not what you were thinking, and no, they don't." I return, if he started robbing people on the street there would definitely be police involved. "You're worried about dad?" I question.

"He didn't sound happy when he got hold of the last report." He shrugs, his somber tone returning.

"Your grades are okay, It's all the thefts that wound him up." I shrug as well, maybe I can get mom to speak to dad before he gives Arata a piece of his mind.

"My grades are fantastic!" He exclaims, throwing both arms up into the air.

"They are most definitely not fantastic." I chuckle, giving him a swift punch in the side as we reach the small path that leads to our parent's house. We've taken to visiting on the weekends so that dad can try and get Arata to pursue sports instead of back alley thievery. I say 'we' lightly as I only ever visit to make sure that Arata is actually going there instead of wasting his time or robbing people, my relationship with my parents took a turn for the worst when I was forced to change schools to oversee Arata's adventures in Yamaku.

"They are so." He whispers as the door swings open violently, revealing our father dressed in his trademark pink Kimono, made by our mother as a joke but taken far too seriously by father.

"Hello, father." I bow my head as is ritual in this household.

"Hi dad!" Arata exclaims, instead waving a hand. The man in the door releases a heavy sigh before taking a large step out of the sliding door towards us.

"It's good to see you both." His gruff voice emanates, sending a shiver down my spine. "Dinner will be ready soon, so please get changed." He steps to the side, raising his hand to point us through the door. We both begin to make our way through when Arata whispers to himself.

"Why do we always have to wear Kimonos when we're here?"

---

"So Shin has been trying to get it on with this half british girl." I chuckle over the table.

"That's not-!" He almost chokes on his tea. Haa.

"Yeah it isss, you're totally trying to get in on that action."

"That is not true at all." He clears his throat before speaking clearly towards mom. "She just happens to make some very good tea, is all." He sighs. Haa. "And the company isn't awful either." He continues.

"I knew it!" I almost launch the table across the room in my celebration.

"Arata." Mom scolds me with a single word before turning her attention back to Shin. "I'm sure you will choose the right person, Shin." She bows her head slightly, taking in the smell of that awful green tea stuff she's always got to hand.

"Thank you, mother." He shrinks away, now also staring into his own drink like a mirror image of mom.

"I'm sure your father has already spoken to you, correct?" She turns her head back to me like something out of a horror movie, the only thing missing is the cracking of her neck and the blood.

"Yeah, he chewed me out." I sigh, causing Shin to chuckle and almost choke on his drink again.

"I hope that this time it'll stick." She speaks loudly, as if speaking louder will make the message stick any more. "You are not to steal any more." She places her cup on the table with a thunk.

"Yes, mom." I sigh again, I bet Shin is having the time of his life over there. Ass.

---

Writing styles! This chapter was kind of an experiment on writing in different characters styles, I hope it worked!

Re: Sleight Of Hand | Part 6 | 26/8/15

Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 4:32 pm
by Sharp-O
Half-British, eh? Is Shin taking a step into the Molly camp during Tea War 2K15? :wink:

I like the detail you go into with the tricks, shows you've done your research! Keep it up, sir!

Re: Sleight Of Hand | Part 6 | 26/8/15

Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 5:02 pm
by swampie2
Sharp-O wrote:Half-British, eh? Is Shin taking a step into the Molly camp during Tea War 2K15? :wink:
Image

That'd be a great one shot, I had to throw together some janky art. :wink:
Sharp-O wrote:I like the detail you go into with the tricks, shows you've done your research! Keep it up, sir!
I just ended up learning a lot of card tricks, coins are next. :lol:

Thanks sharp!