Phantom Pains: Mirror Shoujo

[Blank Mage]

This is actually pretty promising. Your literary basics could use some improvement, but your concept is solid and original. I'm already enjoying the Inverse Character world, and there's a wealth of new character dynamics to be found in it.

For future chapters, I'd suggest spending more time describing your setting and Kazuko's inner monologue. I feel like you rush to get to dialogue without stopping to focus on the people engaging in it. Regarding more common errors, I highly recommend running your stuff past a proofreader like Mirage or myself. You tend to miss a lot of punctuation and capitalization issues.

But even if you don't, keep it up, this story is worth writing, and it'll only improve your skills.

[swampie2]

This is actually pretty promising. Your literary basics could use some improvement, but your concept is solid and original. I'm already enjoying the Inverse Character world, and there's a wealth of new character dynamics to be found in it.

For future chapters, I'd suggest spending more time describing your setting and Kazuko's inner monologue. I feel like you rush to get to dialogue without stopping to focus on the people engaging in it. Regarding more common errors, I highly recommend running your stuff past a proofreader like Mirage or myself. You tend to miss a lot of punctuation and capitalization issues.

But even if you don't, keep it up, this story is worth writing, and it'll only improve your skills.

Dyslexia gets the best of me sometimes

Thanks for the feedback, I'll make sure to keep that In mind for future chapters!

[swampie2]

Before reading this chapter, I'd like to extend a huge thanks to both Alpacalypse and Blank Mage, both helped with my SPaG and even helped me set my story straight; In fact a chunk of this chapter was written by Blank as I found Emi to be quite the conundrum

If I could buy both of you a juice box, I would!

--

Chapter List
Part 4: Metronome



Music Track: Lullaby of open eyes

I glace at my clock: 6:17 AM.

It's not a surprise since I went to sleep so early, but being awake at this hour just feels wrong. I think a small walk is in order. Or more like a small hop, given my situation.

After slowly shifting to the edge of my bed, my thoughts from last night rush back to me; a mixture of new limbs, therapy and food. I'll grab breakfast on my walk.

After sleepily dressing myself in a large T-shirt and some old khaki 3/4s, I lever myself from the room with the help of my crutches. There aren't many other guys on the third floor, just myself and someone called Kenji. Perhaps I'll run into him at some point. I should probably get to know my dorm neighbors, but it can wait until after my walk.

--

Music Track: Letting my heart speak

The school grounds are surprisingly peaceful in the mornings. The dew on the grass seems to reflect the orange of the almost fully risen sun, adding splotches of sunrise red to the calm green of the grass. A light breeze carries the scent of outdoors through the air, the smell taking me back to the time when I managed to get a huge grass stain on some of my jeans. That did not make my mother happy at all.

After finding that nobody is awake this early to serve breakfast, I decide to grab a drink from one of the vending machines I walked past. I consider the options, and decide on orange juice. I insert the correct amount of yen and tap out the correct number, eagerly awaiting my less-than-sub-par morning "meal". The machine slowly spins to life, and seems to chug for a second. I stare at the machine in front of me as the small box is dropped from it's shelf. I reach down and grab it before removing the straw from the side of the box.

--

Music Track: Nocturne

I finish my juice in a disappointingly short amount of time, and wander away from the school, curious to find the source of the rhythmic sound echoing across the open field like a metronome.

TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP

There's a running track here, currently occupied by a girl, tearing down the lanes like a machine. It's an apt comparison: even from this distance I can tell her legs are artificial. Lowering myself carefully to the ground, I spectate for a while, amazed at the ease and ability with which she uses her prosthetics. If anything, she's even faster with no legs than most people are with two. It's only as she finishes her laps that she notices her singular audience, and after walking a lap to cool down, makes her way over to me. I'm a bit embarrassed, but leaving now would just look bad.

She's shorter than she looked initially, and not just for the lack of her legs. Her strawberry blond hair is kept in a single ponytail tied neatly and simply at the base, and her serious expression betrays only a hint of polite interest. I wave as she approaches.

Music Track: Raindrops and Puddles

"Uh, hey." I wait for a response, and getting none, decide to go for broke. "You're pretty fast." I regret not having left.

The girl frowns slightly. "Perhaps, but that was not a prime example. My running has been off, of late." She looks away for a moment, disappointment clear on her features.

"Er." I suggest, completely thrown at the seriousness of her response.

She turns her attention back to me, recomposing herself and clearing her throat. "I'm sorry. My name is Emi Ibarazaki. You are?"

"Er, Kazuko. Kazuko Momoru. It's nice to meet you." I offer a bow from my sitting position.

Ibarazaki does the same. "Likewise. I apologize for my candidness. I oftentimes forget my manners during a run. I must assume you are new here?"

"Ah, yeah. I only transferred in a couple days ago. I'm kind of just exploring."

Emi nods. "Then welcome to Yamaku." Her gaze falls on my crutches to the side, and her stern look softens. "...And I am sorry for your loss. It is little consolation, I am sure, but I understand how you must feel." She taps a blade against the ground, momentarily unwilling to meet my eyes. "I understand all too well."

I'm not sure how to respond to that, so I decide to power ahead. "So, those prostethetics of yours... how long have you been using them?"

Emi smiles, happy to have had the subject changed. "Four years now. I have always aimed at running professionally. Even as I am, that goal has not changed. Might I take it that you are interested in below-the-knee prosthetics as well?"

"Guilty as charged. You make it look really easy, and I wouldn't mind having my hands free while I'm walking."

Emi's good cheer doubles, her smile becoming more genuine by the second. "I am happy to hear that. It will not be easy, but the rewards..." Emi bounces lightly on her blades, as though barely contained by gravity. "...speak for themselves."

Her watch beeps loudly, and she peers down towards it.

"It was nice meeting you Kazuko, but I must be off, you should find me if you have any questions"

"I may hold you to that, see you around" I once again bow.

"Farewell" She bows in return before beginning her jog towards the auxiliary building.

What a strange encounter.

---

Previous || Next

[Alpacalypse]

Ah, so you did inverse Emi's personality fully!
Ladies and gentlemen, we now have Emi-Lilly! Or Lilly-Emi. Lemi? Wait, that's the name of the ship for those two... never mind.

Anyway, I actually quite like the new direction. You got rid of the twin-tails, though. This requires some consideration However, you did miss a few of the things I pointed out in my PM:

After leaning up to the edge of my bed

You don't "lean up" to the edge of something. If that's a thing, then I've never heard it used - please correct me if I'm wrong
If not, I'd suggest "moving up" or "shuffling up".

Perhaps I'll run into him at some point, I should probably get to know my dorm neighbors, but it can wait until after my walk.

Here, I'd exchange the comma after "at some point" for a full-stop. The sentence doesn't really flow with a comma there.

3/4's

That apostrophe is not contracting anything, nor is it indicating possession. It's pointless.

One other thing:

I apologize for my candidacy

Blank, I'm guessing this was part of the bit you wrote, since I didn't get that section PMed to me. "Candidacy" does not mean "honesty" or "frankness", which is what I assume you were going for - it's derived from the word "candidate", and would normally be used in something like "two employees vying for the candidacy of manager". I think what you want is "candidness".

Sorry for my insane capacity for being a pedantic git, but, there we go

Wonder if you still want to buy me that juice box

[swampie2]

Ah, so you did inverse Emi's personality fully!
Ladies and gentlemen, we now have Emi-Lilly! Or Lilly-Emi. Lemi? Wait, that's the name of the ship for those two... never mind.

Anyway, I actually quite like the new direction. You got rid of the twin-tails, though. This requires some consideration

Wonder if you still want to buy me that juice box

Thanks for letting me know about that, Makes the final product all that refined

I'd buy anyone who Is willing to read my silly fic a juicebox, let alone put in enough effort to be able to pick out grammar mistakes and such, it helps!

[Blank Mage]

Whoops, autocorrect fails me yet again. Also, I was kind of expecting another pass from Swampie, and I'm a little embarrassed that my hastily thrown together Kuudere!Lilly!Rin!Emi introduction is so prominently featured. Ah well, guess we're going for it!

[Mirage_GSM]

"So, those prostethetics of yours... how long have you been using them?"

Emi smiles, happy to have had the subject changed. "Four years now.

Minor nitpick: Emi lost her legs eight years ago, though she could of course have gotten those particular prosthetics later.

Nor much to say about this chapter that hasn't been said already. Carry on.

[swampie2]

Whoops, autocorrect fails me yet again. Also, I was kind of expecting another pass from Swampie, and I'm a little embarrassed that my hastily thrown together Kuudere!Lilly!Rin!Emi introduction is so prominently featured. Ah well, guess we're going for it!

I tried another pass, but I couldn't fit the character just right, hope you don't mind

I've gotta do some practice for sure

[swampie2]

Chapter List
Part 5: The rewards speak for themselves

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

I can feel the energy of the whole class staring at the clock on the edges of their seats, waiting for Mutou's lecture to be interrupted by the lunch bell.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

The seconds seem to pass like years as the hand slowly revolves around it's center.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

Finally the bell rings, it feels as though everyone has temporarily slumped down in their seats through rapid release of energy. I quickly gather my things and so does everyone else before pouring from the classroom. Mutou already seems to have accepted the fact that everyone is more eager for lunch that they are for his lessons.

After grabbing myself the first thing on the menu, I hastily scan the room to find someone to sit with. I see a group of three at a table, each with various hair colourings; one is Hanako, I think one is Shizune, but the third? suppose I’ll find out.

I wander over and stand at the edge of the table, hoping that at least one of them will remember me. "Ah, Kazuko! Please join us" Hanako gestures toward the bench next to her, and I gladly accept.

"Thanks." all I can muster is a single word as I place my lunch on the table. As I sit, I notice the girl sat next to Shizune.

Her long brunnete hair, neatly curled at it's ends catches my attention and our eyes meet. She immediately looks away, almost crushing the box of pocky in her hand out of reflex. Her entire body tightens up and she retreats into her hair, attempting to hide. I immediately feel a pang of guilt and quickly look to Hanako for an out.

"I know you met Shizune already.." She gestures towards the loudly eating figure opposite me, I guess being deaf means you don't know how loud things are. "...And this is Misha!" She turns slightly, now pointing towards the dark haired girl who seems to be shrinking by the minute.

"Sh-Shiina, nice to m-meet you" She peeks up; I can tell it was hard for her to get those words out by how forced they sound.

"Kazuko, nice to meet you too" I offer a small smile in an attempt to prove that I’m not a threat, but it doesn't seem to work as she's still shying away from me like I’m on fire. I decide that now is the best time to dig into my meal.

Myself and Hanako make small talk as we eat while Shiina quietly sips her juice box and Shizune seems to be experimenting with alternate ways to hold chopsticks.

"Hey Shizune! did you finish that book I gave you?" Hanako seems bursting with energy today. As the words explode from her mouth Shiina jumps and quickly peeks through her fringe to identify the source. She's quite the timid type.

As Hanako and Shizune begin talking about the book that I can almost guarantee that Shizune hasn't read, I decide it's time to stop dancing around Shiina like she's made of paper "So Shiina, What class are you in?"

Her face is a mixture of shock and thoughtfulness. "I-I think i'm in the s-same class as you.. b-but I’ve been ill.." she frowns while her words trail off, as if remembering being sick. "I spent a lot of time in the library.." I feel a small amount of pity for her, half because she's resorted to talking about the library and half because she probably had to read books about old roller-coasters.

"Oh, I haven't been in there myself" is all i can offer in return and we both sit in silence. It's hard to talk to someone when it seems like they'd rather shrink away into nothingness than speak to you. "You read a lot then?"

"N-not really... I-Umm" She seems to be searching for a response, but is cut off when the bell signifying the end of lunch rings out, making all of us jump this time.

"Well then, would you like to walk to class with me? I don't think I remember where it is" I chuckle awkwardly, perhaps showing this side of me will loosen her up a bit.

"O-Okay then." Her smile is 95% Nervous, 5% Happy. That's the best ratio I’ve gotten so far though, so that makes me smile in return. We walk to the classroom behind Hanako and Shizune who still seem to be bickering about why Shizune hasn't read the book, almost in silence aside from a couple of words here and there.

Before long, we stand in front of the 3-3 door. I look to Shiina and see that she hasn't enjoyed the crowds in the way over very much as she seems to have shrunken back into her shell again. I reach for the handle, but am interrupted by Shiina speaking up. "Uhm.. Thanks K-Kazuko"

"What for Shiina?"

"F-For walking with me.." In return for this I get a 7% happiness smile, and it makes me happy that I could make her feel even a little bit better.

"Of course, any time" I open the door and step inside to be met with a crowd of eyes staring at me intently, I look over to Mutou's desk and see he's meeting me with an icy stare. Being late isn't the greatest start to the afternoon.

--

I lay on my bed, unable to fall asleep. The last of the sunlight today pouring through my window and right onto my bed. I spent most of today deciding if I wanted to give the nurse the go-ahead regarding prosthetics. Ever since I met Emi she's been on my mind; she just made it looks so easy and beautiful, will it ever be that easy for me? When I first ended up on these crutches I wanted to be off them as soon as possible, but after a month or two they just sort of… became a part of me. Whenever anyone saw me without my crutches they'd ask where they were, I think that was when I accepted the fact that I’d be on them for a while.

I really want to speak to Emi some more, but I think what she said to me may have already swung my opinion.

“…It will not be easy, but the rewards..." Emi bounces lightly on her blades, as though barely contained by gravity. “…speak for themselves.”

I already understood that it wouldn't be easy but hearing another person say it gives me a feeling that I wasn't expecting, especially since that person has already gone through those motions and knows how hard it will be first hand. As much as I want to speak to her, I can't really think of anything I’d want to know that I don't already. Perhaps I should speak to her once I’ve started. Right now I need to concentrate on tomorrow, I don't want to wuss out at the last second; I need to tackle the day with as much speed as I imagine Emi would have when she was going through this.

--

Beep Beep.

I'm awake, barely slept but that's okay.

Getting dressed, just as usual, downing my back medications without a drink, no problem.

Locking my dorm room and walking outside, easy.

Except I'm not going to class right away. I take an uneasy left and start heading my way to the auxiliary building that houses the nurse.

With each step my body feels heavier, but I just have to keep going. Tackle the day.

Okay now I just need to knock. No worries, It'll be fine Kazuko. Think of how Emi would feel if you had to tell her you decided against it. With that thought I manage to muster the strength to rap my hand against the door. I hear the nurse from the other side telling me to come in.

Here I go.

--

Thanks to everyone who has read this far! I've really enjoyed writing this fiction, and I'm glad that you guys are enjoying it, so all I can say is thanks!

---

Previous || Next

[swampie2]

Act 1: Learning to walk
Bonus: Unused Character Designs

These are designs for the alternate personality characters that I ended up not using, hope it gives you a laugh!

Kazuko: Epilepsy? I want the OC's disability to be clearly obvious as a departure from Hisao's internal problems, plus I found the scenes where Hisao kept his problem hidden to be quite annoying as I myself would have just been straight about it; not like anyone's going to be like "ew your hearts messed up" when the have 50% scarring or missing limbs.

Emi: Almost exactly the same, but she just wants someone to "fix her" and has to come to terms with the fact that that can't happen
I ended up not using this because it's hard to show something like that from the start, and I'd end up following the VN sub-consciously.

Misha: Hyper-Slut; Does her best to try and seduce anyone around her. Include running joke somehow.
I was very close to using this idea but I decided against it since her general personality would still be bubbly and happy, and we'd retread the path of the VN.

Shizune: Rin.
It was a lazy idea, to just use Rin's personality. Although there is still a tinge of Rin in Shizune's personality, I think I've more tried to go with "Lazy" instead of "Philosophical".

Lilly: Clumsy, quick to speak. Running joke regarding her asking who Kazuko is dating.
Though I kept close to this initial design, I cleaned it up a bit. Originally Lilly was to be a complete failure at most tasks she attempted, I toned this down very slightly

Mutou: I couldn't go for either "best" or "worst" teacher for Mutou as Hisao thinks differently of his teaching style between routes. In the end I decided to not feature Mutou as heavily as he was in the VN.

[Mirage_GSM]

Hehe, nice ideas - I'd be interested in how this Emi would have worked out, but your reasoning for not using it in this story is valid.

[swampie2]

Hehe, nice ideas - I'd be interested in how this Emi would have worked out, but your reasoning for not using it in this story is valid.

Perhaps I'll write a smaller story around It once I'm done with this one

[swampie2]

Thanks to dewelar for allowing me to steal use his running poem!

I tried to do as much research as I could regarding prosthetic therapy and phantom pains, but I couldn't find much. Thusly, most of this chapter is guesswork on my part, so if It's not accurate, I apologize!

Chapter List
Part 6: Air, Wind, Ground, Track

I slowly rise from my seat, ahead of me stretch two long wooden dowels. One to my left and one to my right. I slowly take the guides into my palms and realize how much my hands are shaking. The nurse stands to my side, with another assistant on the other side, ready to grab me at the slightest sign of an imminent fall.

"You can begin putting weight on the prosthesis now Kazuko" The nurse's words snap me from my thoughts, and I slowly begin to move my weight from my right leg to my newly attached left leg. As my weight bears down on the padded plastic I feel what's left of the bone attached to my knee trying to push it's way out from the bottom of my leg rather forcefully, a feeling that's become uncomfortably familiar over the past week.

As quickly as yesterday, the pain overtakes me and I fall to the left, slamming my underarm into the guide rail that manages to hold my weight as the assistant helps me to my feet again. As much as my body hurts, my mind hurts more. I should be able to do this, It's almost like the enthusiasm that Emi bestowed upon me is gone as fast as it arrived.

"Remember, no pain, no gain. You've improved a lot over this last week Kazuko, It's impressive to say the very least." The assistant nods, as the emphasize the fact.

It certainly doesn't feel that way. I re-seat myself and lean forward, placing my head In my hands in despair. I feel the nurse place his hand on my shoulder, but don't have the strength to look up at him. I've failed him as much as I've failed myself. Over the last couple of weeks I've become quite friendly with him so letting him down makes the blow that much tougher to deal with.

"Kazuko, I can only imagine how you feel right now but the progress you've made is incredible. The only other person I've seen make progress this fast is Emi..."

At this point I tune out again as I've also befriended Emi In the short time that I've attended Yamaku; She won't be happy to hear that I fell again. I can't hide It from her since she'll extort the nurse into telling her. Patient Confidentiality my left leg.

"... Lets give it another try, eh?" He places an arm under mine and levers me from the chair, and I'm once again faced with the 1.5 meter walk of doom.

air . . . Right leg

wind. . . Left leg, Ow

ground . . . Right Leg

track. . . Left leg, This isn't pleasant.

will. . . Right Leg

not. . . Left leg, Ouch!

hold. . . Right Leg

back . . Left leg, No more.

Each step shoots pain up my spine and I finally give in, slumping to the handrail once again. Sweat is embarrassingly pouring from every place it can, I bet I look a mess. Emi's poem helped quite a bit even though It's aimed at runners instead of someone learning to walk again. The nurse looks like he's about to explode with happiness.

"That was fantastic Kazuko!" If he could jump up and down on the spot without anyone seeing he would. "Congratulations, 8 steps without crutches Is just... Incredible." He quickly scrawls something onto his notepad and I have a moment to regain my composure

"It was... Nothing..." The assistant helps me back to my seat before giving me a wide grin and two thumbs up. It's a small victory, but a victory none the less.

---

"Good afternoon Kazuko" Emi sits alone in the busy cafeteria, carefully eating her food with practiced, precise movements. "How was your visit with the nurse?"

"I'd go with "Interesting", 8 Steps today."

"I'm very happy to hear that, I'm sure that the nurse was very excited, no? It'd be nice if you joined me." She carefully dabs her mouth with a small piece of tissue before gesturing to the seat opposite her.

"Indeed he was! And thank you." I carefully lower myself into the seat before placing my crutches beside me. As much progress as I've made, I still wouldn't be able to get around without them.

"I hope you can be away from your crutches sooner rather than later, I know the pain of such constraints too well."

"Thanks, me too." I decide not to mention how optimistic that thought is and decide to concentrate on my food. It's as awful as cafeteria food has always been. Still better than hospital food though. "How come you're sat by yourself Emi?" I hope she won't take that the wrong way.

She takes a moment to clear her throat and formulate her words before speaking calmly and clearly. "I usually eat with a friend of mine; Rin, however she has had a lot on her mind recently. Luckily I can share my lunches with you, however."

"Well then I'm glad to be of assistance. You should introduce me to her once she's feeling better"

"Eager to make friends? I thought you had enough on your plate with Hanako badgering you to join the Student Council" She hides a small giggle with her hand before regaining her front and continuing on her meal. It feels like she let her guard down for the first time around me. Perhaps I'm growing on her slightly. She eats like she's been starved for weeks but somehow manages to maintain the well mannered, careful movements that almost define her, It's strange how she can eat so fast and still look refined.

"Your poem really helped by the way, thanks for that Emi" I make sure to clear my throat and speak as clearly as I can, It's almost a subconscious thing around her.

"Anytime. I'm rather glad to have helped, actually." Her sweet smile is accompanied by a small sideways tilt of her head that makes me feel a small tinge of something in the back of my mind, I'm not quite sure what, but It's nice and warm. I've only been eating with Emi for a week, since I started my prosthetics therapy, and I've already come to enjoy our lunches together. I've also shared some meals with Hanako and Lilly, over which Hanako attempted to get me to join the student council, an act that I'm not to keen on, but it is better than eating alone.

As I stare through the window to the outside world, I notice a slight tingling In my leg. Maybe I'm just sat on it and I'm losing the feeling. As I continue to stare the slight tingling become more intense, feeling like somebody is poking my leg with hot needles. Very quickly after this I realize that I'm experiencing phantom pains. Emi must have noticed the pained look on my face as she's now leaning forward very slightly, you could miss it if you weren't paying attention.

"Deep breaths Kazuko." Her calm words float through the air delicately, though they don't seem to help. "Look at me Kazuko." I slowly raise my head, now noticing my balled-up fist on the desk with Emi's hand lightly rested on top. She's staring right at me, her eyes the perfect image of tranquil peace. My leg feels like it's on fire, but I can't do a damn thing to stop it.

"Kazuko, Breath. In, Out, In, Out". I try my best to follow her advice but still find myself gasping like a fish out of water. The pain in my leg tears out all kinds of memories that I'd rather not remember, like when they pulled me from the car, and when I first caught the sight of my leg no longer attached to my person. "Kazuko!" Her voice escalates as she tries to snap me from my thoughts "Stay calm, It will pass, keep your eyes on me"

I do my best to keep my eyes locked on Emi's, but the feeling in my leg is awful, the burning reminds me of dipping my leg in acid. She continues speaking but I am slowly engulfed by the crushing feeling that's now covering my whole body. as the memories all start rushing back to me.


"Dad!"


---


"Kazuko?" I slowly re-open my eyes, and find Emi hovering about an inch from my face. She sighs in relief before returning to her seated position opposite me. It seems I've been moved out of the cafeteria.

"Are you okay?" Emi seems to be having a hard time recovering her sophisticated facade, a worried look painted all over her.

"I had a p-panic attack, didn't I?"

She clears her throat, a last ditch attempt to reconfigure the look on her face. "I believe so. At first I thought it was just phantom pains... but I noticed rather quickly. I'm sorry that I had to move you..." Her voice trails through the empty hallways, echoing quietly.

"T-That's okay. Sorry you had t-to see that." My stutter has returned, fantastic. "Did I s-say anything?"

"You didn't... In the cafeteria anyway." My heart sinks, I had hoped that I didn't let anything slip. "I won't question you. For now I'm going to take you to the nurse." It's more of an order than a request or a question. She offers a hand and all but lifts me from the floor before offering a crutch to my open hand. "Unfortunately I could only grab one, I hope you don't mind using me as a crutch." At least she seems less worried now. She takes my silence as a yes and hauls my arm over her shoulder, allowing my to redistribute my weight more evenly. As we 3 legged race our way to the auxiliary building I muster the strength to continue the conversation.

"What did I say?"

"You... You called out for your father." I cringe upon hearing this, and It seems she does the same for some reason. I decide not to push this topic further, I've already been drained of energy once today.

"Thank you Emi."

"Of course, Kazuko."

---

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[dewelar]

Thanks to dewelar for allowing me to steal use his running poem!

You're quite welcome. I hadn't read this story until tonight, and now that I have I can say that the way in which it was used is quite fitting . Looking forward to seeing where Mirror Shoujo goes from here! Prediction: Kenji, who is well and truly the Only Sane Man, will have blonde hair and wear Slytherin robes.

[Blank Mage]

I was a bit worried that you might make Emi a bit too 'Ye Olden' after the last segment, but I must say that I like how you wrote her here. Just formal enough to be unique, just friendly enough to be sincere, just awkward enough to show the uncertainty behind her statements and actions. It's also how I picture Blaze the Cat in my head.