Puppet Show (Rewrite in progress, explanation posted.)
- Mirage_GSM
- Posts: 6149
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
- Location: Germany
Re: Puppet Show [OC Story] [UPDATED: Chapter Three]
Ah, so you decided to make this more than a one-shot - glad to see it.
Cpts two and three are quite good; characters are interesting and the language is good as well.
A few grammar mistakes here and there but nothing major.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Cpts two and three are quite good; characters are interesting and the language is good as well.
A few grammar mistakes here and there but nothing major.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
- RidiculousLuke
- Posts: 58
- Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2014 4:23 pm
- Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Re: Puppet Show [OC Story] [UPDATED: Chapter Three]
Chapter Four- Disabled with Benefits
=============================================================
Crap.
I better get up. These two look about ready to call an ambulance, I lift myself up slightly with my elbow. Try as I might, I can't get up. Well, I guess I'm gonna need some help, I call out to the girls.
"Hey, can one of you help me up?" I ask while trying my best to sound polite. The girl with the ponytail steps forward, I extend my left arm. She seems obviously hesitant about grabbing my stub, Relax woman, I won't break that easy.
"Just grab it, It won't break." Ponytail eventually grips my stub and helps me up, I grip a nearby shelf and look at the girl with the bowl cut.
"Hey, is my crutch nearby?" She glances around before walking over and picking it up off the floor, she hands it over and I quickly regain my footing. Ponytail is still holding onto my left arm.
"Uh, you can let go now." I smile embarrassingly, she flinches and lets go. I survey my body to check if I have any bruises, when I feel around my left side I feel a slight ache. That's a bruise for sure.
"Look!" Ponytail speaks up, "I'm really sorry about all this! I wasn't looking where I was going and I knocked you over and you're not in the best condition right now and all, so look I'm s-"
"Whoa! Easy there. I'm alright, nothings broken."
"... Wait, what do you mean by best condition?" I eye her curiously. Ponytail blushes and looks to her friend for back up, Bowl cut just looks away and tries to focus on something else.
"I'M REALLY SORRY! I-" She starts shouting in a frenzy, I quickly speak up before this gets out of hand.
"ENOUGH! It's alright ok, relax." She lets out a sigh like a fuse being snuffed out.
The girl with the Bowl cut looks me over and then snaps her fingers, she pokes the ponytail girl to get her attention. Bowl cut whispers to ponytail quickly before both their faces seem to light up.
"Wait! You're in our year aren't you?"
"Yeah, we're in the same class. I'm, uh, Kichirou Susumu." I bow awkwardly which they both return with their own.
Ponytail speaks up, "I'm Kyoko Kobayashi and this is Hiromi Fukuhara!" Fukuhara bows again and smiles.
Now that I can actually look at them up front like this, they're both really pretty. Kobayashi's hair is much more beautiful up close, her assets are also more noticeable...
... Uh, oh! And Fukuhara, well she's just plain cute. I said before that I like a bowl cut on a girl, she really makes it work. She's also much smaller up close than I though she'd be, she's like a doll. I also can't help but notice the rather expensive looking diamond stud in her ear, that must of not been cheap.
Girls, right?
I realise that I haven't said anything for sometime now, I better say something before they get worried.
"So, w-what brings you here today?" Jeez, smooth Kichirou.
Kobayashi perks up and replies, "Oh! We were just checking out the shops and we eventually decided to grab a few snacks until all this happened." She kicks her foot out shyly.
"What about you Susu?"
'Susu'? Oh well, better than Kisu.
"Oh me? I was uh..." I look over the magazines and notice the x-rated stuff again, I quickly look away.
"I was also here to get some food but uh," I look around for my basket, it's on the ground. Most of the contents have fallen out onto the floor. "Oh, there's my basket."
Kobayashi gasps and walks over and begins packing up the basket for me, "Sorry! Let me help!"
"T-thanks I guess." She picks it up and hands it to me, she soon realises that might not be the best option but I quickly hook my left arm under the handle.
She looks at me sheepishly and I just shake my head, "I'm used to this kind of stuff." She nods and the awkward silence between us returns.
I decide to change the topic and get moving, "So, I'm gonna finish up my shopping I guess."
"Oh, well we'll join you then! It'll be faster." The girls start walking with me, Alright then. I guess we're sharing my basket then?
Now that we're officially a trio, we wander the supermarket for a few more minutes, every time the girls find something they throw it in my basket. I was fine with it at first but soon the girls are getting more things than me, this is getting really heavy...
I struggle to maintain the weight but I do my best to hide it. Eventually the girls stop and I look over my supplies, it's a hard task given everything else in this basket. The girls check their items and confirm they have gotten what they wanted before we all walk towards the counter.
The clerk rings up our purchases at a rather relaxed pace. I wonder what I must look like right now, maybe I look like a pimp? Or maybe I just look like some disabled guy getting two girls to help him out. That's probably what it looks like, damn I hate this. Then again, this town must be used to our kind by now.
The clerk announces the price, I put my hand up to stop the girls and dig out my wallet.
"You sure Susu? It's a lot." Kobayashi questions, I shake my head and hand over my card to the clerk.
"Don't worry, I've got this." It's the least I can do and besides, I gotta use the money for something right? Because I don't want it.
The clerk thanks us as we exit the Aura-mart, the girls carry their multiple shopping bags while I let mine hang on my left arm. Some guy I am, I can't even help carry...
Well, time to get out of here. These girl probably want me gone now so they can continue their shopping trip.
"I'm g-gonna head back to school. I'll see you later." I quickly limp off but Kobayashi calls out.
"Hey wait up, we're heading back as well. Let's go together." The both catch up to me and we start climbing up the hill back to school.
Lucky me I guess, we all walk in silence, I'm starting to breathe a little heavy. This is the most exercise I've gotten in years, I curse quietly and slow my pace. The girls notice this and look at me with worried expressions.
"Are you ok?" Kobayashi speaks up, I nod my head a little and try to smile.
"Yeah, I'm good, just not that fit right now I guess." I laugh a little. The girls say nothing and keep walking, they do however mantain a close distance, now and again checking to see how I'm doing.
That's nice of them I guess. While watching their backs I remember what happened earlier this morning, Takashi saw them first when we were walking to class. I wonder how he'll feel since that I am officially the first out the two of us to talk and walk with these girls. I better get a picture.
Wait, that might be a little weird...
I could always do it when they're not looking. No, that's even worse. Oh! I know, how about I ask them nicely?
Should probably stop this train of thought now...
The girls are now talking between each other as we walk, well actually, Kobayashi's doing the talking. Now that I think about it, Fukuhara hasn't said a word this whole time. Why is she so against talking, I'm not that scary am I? Great, now I feel self conscious. Maybe she doesn't like talking? Who knows.
Yamaku's gates are now in view, finally. I'm doing my best here but if this went any longer, I would've fallen down this hill. We reach the large metal gates and push through them, we walk through the school grounds to the dorms. There is only a few students still milling around, most of them are most likely hanging out in town, lounging around in their rooms, maybe they're out in the city nearby? Or they could be studying...
Yeah right.
We reach the steps outside the dorms, Kobayashi and Fukuhara turn and face me. What now? What do I do?
"Well, that was fun!" Fukuhara nods, "Except for maybe the part where I knocked you over."
I laugh, "As I said, no worries." I reach out and feel the bruise I got.
"If this didn't happen, we wouldn't of met!" I can't stop that sentence, it's too late. That was definitely creepy.
The girls look at each other before smiling at me in unison.
"That's true!" Kobayashi claps her hands together, an action made harder by the shopping bags hanging on her arms.
"Well, I guess I'll see you two around?" Worth a shot.
"Yeah sure. See you later Susu!" Kobayashi waves and bounces off towards the female dormitory.
Fukuhara smiles and bows before running off after Kobayashi, I smile and wave as best I can. Soon, I'm alone. I hop up the steps and walk to my room.
Inside I pass by Takashi's room before I enter mine, I knock on his door. I wasn't expecting any response but to my surprise, he is here.
"Hey man, what's up?" Takashi looks at me expectantly, pencil hanging from his mouth. Of course he's studying.
"Oh not much, I just wanted to tell you that I meet Kobayashi and Fukuhara today." Takashi's face is blank, he obviously doesn't know them by name.
"Who?" He questions, I hop off and talk at the same time.
"That pony tailed girl and the one with the bowl cut." I do the best cocky smirk I can muster as I unlock my door.
Takashi's still confused but soon it hits him, I can feel him deflating from here.
"Whoa! Wait what?! You m-met those two?"
Before I enter my room, I laugh and make a kind of pelvic thrust motion. I know it's rude but man does it work, Takashi blows up like a balloon and bursts just as fast. I leave him in shock and lock my door behind me.
Still laughing, I unpack my snacks and place them around my room before stripping out of my uniform and slipping into something more casual. I place my crutch near my bed and sit down at my desk.
Grabbing my laptop, I flip it open and after waiting for the oh so wonderful student internet service to work, I open up my email program. I find my Uncle under my contacts and starting writing.
I just tell him how things are right now, and I ask him how he's doing. The usual stuff.
Night has fallen, after I sent that email I decided to go through my work from class and then decided to surf the web a little before finally face-planting into my bed. It's been a long day, a whole lot went down on my first day of my second year...
I wonder if I'll get to know those two girls a little better, Time will tell I guess. I kinda hope so, mainly because I want Takashi to meet them, that guy needs a little hope in his life.
Laughing to myself, I close my eyes and instantly fall asleep.
.....
The next day, lunch break has arrived and Takashi and I are off to grab some food before it's too late. I remember Takashi once comparing the students of Yamaku at lunch time to wild boars, I actually kind of agree with him.
Before we can leave the class room however, Mr. Okada speaks up.
"Susumu! where are you off to?" We both freeze and turn around, Takashi looks at me with confusion.
"L-lunch break sir."
"Lunch? You've got an appointment." He places a letter on his desk and shifts it towards me, I take it and look it over.
Oh yeah, my checkup's today. I nod and walk out and head for the medical building, Takashi steps out of class and calls for me.
"Yo! Where you going? Lunch is g-"
"Just go without me, I've got an appointment." He shrugs and literally skips down the hall. That was strange.
...
Now, where was the nurse again?
=============================================================
Crap.
I better get up. These two look about ready to call an ambulance, I lift myself up slightly with my elbow. Try as I might, I can't get up. Well, I guess I'm gonna need some help, I call out to the girls.
"Hey, can one of you help me up?" I ask while trying my best to sound polite. The girl with the ponytail steps forward, I extend my left arm. She seems obviously hesitant about grabbing my stub, Relax woman, I won't break that easy.
"Just grab it, It won't break." Ponytail eventually grips my stub and helps me up, I grip a nearby shelf and look at the girl with the bowl cut.
"Hey, is my crutch nearby?" She glances around before walking over and picking it up off the floor, she hands it over and I quickly regain my footing. Ponytail is still holding onto my left arm.
"Uh, you can let go now." I smile embarrassingly, she flinches and lets go. I survey my body to check if I have any bruises, when I feel around my left side I feel a slight ache. That's a bruise for sure.
"Look!" Ponytail speaks up, "I'm really sorry about all this! I wasn't looking where I was going and I knocked you over and you're not in the best condition right now and all, so look I'm s-"
"Whoa! Easy there. I'm alright, nothings broken."
"... Wait, what do you mean by best condition?" I eye her curiously. Ponytail blushes and looks to her friend for back up, Bowl cut just looks away and tries to focus on something else.
"I'M REALLY SORRY! I-" She starts shouting in a frenzy, I quickly speak up before this gets out of hand.
"ENOUGH! It's alright ok, relax." She lets out a sigh like a fuse being snuffed out.
The girl with the Bowl cut looks me over and then snaps her fingers, she pokes the ponytail girl to get her attention. Bowl cut whispers to ponytail quickly before both their faces seem to light up.
"Wait! You're in our year aren't you?"
"Yeah, we're in the same class. I'm, uh, Kichirou Susumu." I bow awkwardly which they both return with their own.
Ponytail speaks up, "I'm Kyoko Kobayashi and this is Hiromi Fukuhara!" Fukuhara bows again and smiles.
Now that I can actually look at them up front like this, they're both really pretty. Kobayashi's hair is much more beautiful up close, her assets are also more noticeable...
... Uh, oh! And Fukuhara, well she's just plain cute. I said before that I like a bowl cut on a girl, she really makes it work. She's also much smaller up close than I though she'd be, she's like a doll. I also can't help but notice the rather expensive looking diamond stud in her ear, that must of not been cheap.
Girls, right?
I realise that I haven't said anything for sometime now, I better say something before they get worried.
"So, w-what brings you here today?" Jeez, smooth Kichirou.
Kobayashi perks up and replies, "Oh! We were just checking out the shops and we eventually decided to grab a few snacks until all this happened." She kicks her foot out shyly.
"What about you Susu?"
'Susu'? Oh well, better than Kisu.
"Oh me? I was uh..." I look over the magazines and notice the x-rated stuff again, I quickly look away.
"I was also here to get some food but uh," I look around for my basket, it's on the ground. Most of the contents have fallen out onto the floor. "Oh, there's my basket."
Kobayashi gasps and walks over and begins packing up the basket for me, "Sorry! Let me help!"
"T-thanks I guess." She picks it up and hands it to me, she soon realises that might not be the best option but I quickly hook my left arm under the handle.
She looks at me sheepishly and I just shake my head, "I'm used to this kind of stuff." She nods and the awkward silence between us returns.
I decide to change the topic and get moving, "So, I'm gonna finish up my shopping I guess."
"Oh, well we'll join you then! It'll be faster." The girls start walking with me, Alright then. I guess we're sharing my basket then?
Now that we're officially a trio, we wander the supermarket for a few more minutes, every time the girls find something they throw it in my basket. I was fine with it at first but soon the girls are getting more things than me, this is getting really heavy...
I struggle to maintain the weight but I do my best to hide it. Eventually the girls stop and I look over my supplies, it's a hard task given everything else in this basket. The girls check their items and confirm they have gotten what they wanted before we all walk towards the counter.
The clerk rings up our purchases at a rather relaxed pace. I wonder what I must look like right now, maybe I look like a pimp? Or maybe I just look like some disabled guy getting two girls to help him out. That's probably what it looks like, damn I hate this. Then again, this town must be used to our kind by now.
The clerk announces the price, I put my hand up to stop the girls and dig out my wallet.
"You sure Susu? It's a lot." Kobayashi questions, I shake my head and hand over my card to the clerk.
"Don't worry, I've got this." It's the least I can do and besides, I gotta use the money for something right? Because I don't want it.
The clerk thanks us as we exit the Aura-mart, the girls carry their multiple shopping bags while I let mine hang on my left arm. Some guy I am, I can't even help carry...
Well, time to get out of here. These girl probably want me gone now so they can continue their shopping trip.
"I'm g-gonna head back to school. I'll see you later." I quickly limp off but Kobayashi calls out.
"Hey wait up, we're heading back as well. Let's go together." The both catch up to me and we start climbing up the hill back to school.
Lucky me I guess, we all walk in silence, I'm starting to breathe a little heavy. This is the most exercise I've gotten in years, I curse quietly and slow my pace. The girls notice this and look at me with worried expressions.
"Are you ok?" Kobayashi speaks up, I nod my head a little and try to smile.
"Yeah, I'm good, just not that fit right now I guess." I laugh a little. The girls say nothing and keep walking, they do however mantain a close distance, now and again checking to see how I'm doing.
That's nice of them I guess. While watching their backs I remember what happened earlier this morning, Takashi saw them first when we were walking to class. I wonder how he'll feel since that I am officially the first out the two of us to talk and walk with these girls. I better get a picture.
Wait, that might be a little weird...
I could always do it when they're not looking. No, that's even worse. Oh! I know, how about I ask them nicely?
Should probably stop this train of thought now...
The girls are now talking between each other as we walk, well actually, Kobayashi's doing the talking. Now that I think about it, Fukuhara hasn't said a word this whole time. Why is she so against talking, I'm not that scary am I? Great, now I feel self conscious. Maybe she doesn't like talking? Who knows.
Yamaku's gates are now in view, finally. I'm doing my best here but if this went any longer, I would've fallen down this hill. We reach the large metal gates and push through them, we walk through the school grounds to the dorms. There is only a few students still milling around, most of them are most likely hanging out in town, lounging around in their rooms, maybe they're out in the city nearby? Or they could be studying...
Yeah right.
We reach the steps outside the dorms, Kobayashi and Fukuhara turn and face me. What now? What do I do?
"Well, that was fun!" Fukuhara nods, "Except for maybe the part where I knocked you over."
I laugh, "As I said, no worries." I reach out and feel the bruise I got.
"If this didn't happen, we wouldn't of met!" I can't stop that sentence, it's too late. That was definitely creepy.
The girls look at each other before smiling at me in unison.
"That's true!" Kobayashi claps her hands together, an action made harder by the shopping bags hanging on her arms.
"Well, I guess I'll see you two around?" Worth a shot.
"Yeah sure. See you later Susu!" Kobayashi waves and bounces off towards the female dormitory.
Fukuhara smiles and bows before running off after Kobayashi, I smile and wave as best I can. Soon, I'm alone. I hop up the steps and walk to my room.
Inside I pass by Takashi's room before I enter mine, I knock on his door. I wasn't expecting any response but to my surprise, he is here.
"Hey man, what's up?" Takashi looks at me expectantly, pencil hanging from his mouth. Of course he's studying.
"Oh not much, I just wanted to tell you that I meet Kobayashi and Fukuhara today." Takashi's face is blank, he obviously doesn't know them by name.
"Who?" He questions, I hop off and talk at the same time.
"That pony tailed girl and the one with the bowl cut." I do the best cocky smirk I can muster as I unlock my door.
Takashi's still confused but soon it hits him, I can feel him deflating from here.
"Whoa! Wait what?! You m-met those two?"
Before I enter my room, I laugh and make a kind of pelvic thrust motion. I know it's rude but man does it work, Takashi blows up like a balloon and bursts just as fast. I leave him in shock and lock my door behind me.
Still laughing, I unpack my snacks and place them around my room before stripping out of my uniform and slipping into something more casual. I place my crutch near my bed and sit down at my desk.
Grabbing my laptop, I flip it open and after waiting for the oh so wonderful student internet service to work, I open up my email program. I find my Uncle under my contacts and starting writing.
I just tell him how things are right now, and I ask him how he's doing. The usual stuff.
Night has fallen, after I sent that email I decided to go through my work from class and then decided to surf the web a little before finally face-planting into my bed. It's been a long day, a whole lot went down on my first day of my second year...
I wonder if I'll get to know those two girls a little better, Time will tell I guess. I kinda hope so, mainly because I want Takashi to meet them, that guy needs a little hope in his life.
Laughing to myself, I close my eyes and instantly fall asleep.
.....
The next day, lunch break has arrived and Takashi and I are off to grab some food before it's too late. I remember Takashi once comparing the students of Yamaku at lunch time to wild boars, I actually kind of agree with him.
Before we can leave the class room however, Mr. Okada speaks up.
"Susumu! where are you off to?" We both freeze and turn around, Takashi looks at me with confusion.
"L-lunch break sir."
"Lunch? You've got an appointment." He places a letter on his desk and shifts it towards me, I take it and look it over.
Oh yeah, my checkup's today. I nod and walk out and head for the medical building, Takashi steps out of class and calls for me.
"Yo! Where you going? Lunch is g-"
"Just go without me, I've got an appointment." He shrugs and literally skips down the hall. That was strange.
...
Now, where was the nurse again?
inb4 "That's what she said" joke"Just grab it, It won't break."
Luke of the Ridiculous variety, author of Puppet Show.
(There's also the Old Version of Puppet Show, if you really want to read it.)
"Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously." - Hunter S. Thompson
(There's also the Old Version of Puppet Show, if you really want to read it.)
"Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously." - Hunter S. Thompson
- Mirage_GSM
- Posts: 6149
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
- Location: Germany
Re: Puppet Show [OC Story] [UPDATED: Chapter Four!]
Come to think of it ther IS one thing you seem to be doing wrong consistently:
So for the first sentence "...they would've caught..."
In the second sentence there is also word order. The correct sentence would be "...that mustn't have been cheap." but since it's spoken dialogue you can get away with "that must've not been cheap"
For the third sentence: "...we wouldn't have met!" "We wouldn't've met!" is a bit too shortened even for English standards
And since we're at "of":
Other than that you keep churning out good chapters at an astonishing pace.
The correct form here would be " have " or even the shortened form " 've " It sounds similar when you talk out loud, but in writing it's just wrong.Yep, I really thought they would of caught...
...that must of not been cheap.
"If this didn't happen, we wouldn't of met!"
So for the first sentence "...they would've caught..."
In the second sentence there is also word order. The correct sentence would be "...that mustn't have been cheap." but since it's spoken dialogue you can get away with "that must've not been cheap"
For the third sentence: "...we wouldn't have met!" "We wouldn't've met!" is a bit too shortened even for English standards
And since we're at "of":
"kinda" is already short for "kind of", so "kinda of" is too much."I was kinda of bored over the holiday."
Other than that you keep churning out good chapters at an astonishing pace.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
- RidiculousLuke
- Posts: 58
- Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2014 4:23 pm
- Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Re: Puppet Show [OC Story] [UPDATED: Chapter Four!]
Mirage, thank you for this!The correct form here would be " have " or even the shortened form " 've " It sounds similar when you talk out loud, but in writing it's just wrong.
So for the first sentence "...they would've caught..."
In the second sentence there is also word order. The correct sentence would be "...that mustn't have been cheap." but since it's spoken dialogue you can get away with "that must've not been cheap"
For the third sentence: "...we wouldn't have met!" "We wouldn't've met!" is a bit too shortened even for English standards
And since we're at "of":
"I was kinda of bored over the holiday."
"kinda" is already short for "kind of", so "kinda of" is too much.
Other than that you keep churning out good chapters at an astonishing pace.
When I was writing chapter four, I had a feeling that something wasn't right. About the pace, well lets just say I have a lot of time on my hands xD
Alright everyone, here's the next chapter.
Chapter Five- Checkup
=============================================================
I push through the doors of the medical building. It sure has been a while since I've been here, still smells a little weird. Sometimes one can forget that this place has such a high budget when it comes to its nursing staff, which is understandable considering the student body here. I can imagine that its one of the selling points of this school.
I should count myself lucky, I'm only missing a limb or two. I don't need constant medical attention for that. Wait, I think I've been down here already, I turn the corner and try the other way.
Takashi's a good example, but then again he told me his thing is only minor. Well, I guess I don't have any examples to draw from. Ok, this is getting frustrating. Where is the nurses office? I've never been a regular visitor here so I didn't ever bother to remember where it is, I truly regret that decision now.
I eventually come across several doors with nameplates, this should be the place. I knock on one of the doors, which has a nameplate that's been scratched off, weird. Someone speaks up and I take it as a 'come in' and open the door. Inside however, the person sitting in the office chair isn't my nurse. He spins around and eyes me oddly.
"Oh, you're new." He looks me over before picking up a clipboard and surveying it.
"Sorry, what was your name again?" This isn't my nurse.
"Kichirou Susumu sir." I respond anyway.
He looks over his clipboard before scratching his head in confusion, "Strange, that name isn't on my schedule."
"I think I have the wrong place, my nurse is a guy in his thirties. Curly Afro-like hair?"
"Oh!" He grins widely, "You're looking for Mr. Masuyo aren't you?"
The guy never told me his name but that must be him.
The nurse sits up and walks over to me, he points down the hallway at the door near the exit.
"Masuyo's down there kiddo." I bow slightly and apologise before hopping off, he gives me a quick goodbye and he shuts his door.
Well, that guy was a little funny, I've never seen such a young nurse before. Shouldn't he still be in medical school?
Shrugging, I knock on the correct door this time. I hear something fall from inside and a curse being muttered, I knock again for good measure and a voice calls out. "Yes? Come in."
I open the door and I'm greeted by quite the sight, this place is a complete mess. Folders and other medical utensils litter the room, it's also very dusty. I can't help but cough, I step inside and try my best to avoid knocking over anything.
In the center of this chaos sits a stupidly brave man, Mr. Masuyo sits in his chair while digging through a box on his lap. He finally notices me and smiles.
"Ah! Susumu! Long time no see, I apologise about all this. I recently changed offices and I haven't had anytime to unpack everything yet." Mr. Masuyo hasn't changed at all since I last saw him, although he may have a few more grey hairs than before.
He's been my nurse since the first day I arrived, he's also the only medical related person I know nowadays. It's been a long time since I last had a doctor, a nurse, and a therapist all at once.
His hair's still as wild as ever, it still has its crazy Afro shape and everything. His clothes are covered in dust and his glasses seem a little fogged up.
"It's good to see you again sir." I say whilst looking for something that isn't being used as a makeshift desk to sit on. He places the box he was digging through down and begins looking for something.
"Sorry, I think your file's here somewhere." He checks several folders before finding what he wanted, "Here we go, lets see."
"So, last year, things where looking good. no drastic changes in your health, no need for medication. No sleeping tablets or antidepressants."
"Your joints had healed nicely, you only had a few incidents. Rashes and some phantom pain here and there." He closes the folder and looks up at me for the first time, he gasps and takes off his glasses. He notices the state that they're in and proceeds to wipe them with his only clean piece of clothing.
Satisfied that his sight has somewhat returned he speaks again, "Well, How have you been lately?" He pulls out his clipboard and waits expectantly for me to answer.
"Uh, not much. I fell during the holiday and bruised my stub, it wasn't that major. I didn't break anything." He nods and writes something down.
"What else... I haven't had any nightmares lately, I haven't had any trouble sleeping either." He nods again, writing some more before speaking.
"That's good to hear. Now, can I have a look at them?" I nod and look for the infirmary bed, luckily it isn't covered by anything. I grab my crutch and hop over to it, Mr. Masuyo wheels his chair over to me.
"Right well, lets have a look here." He unravels the knot on my pants and rolls it up to my thigh. Running a hand along my knee, he feels around a little, pinching the end of the stub now and again.
"Ok, everything seems alright." He rolls down my pant leg and ties it in a knot again. I give him my left arm next, which he takes in his hands and looks over.
"There is still a little scarring on this. Which is understandable, your left hand was the most damaged in the accident." I wish he wouldn't bring that up.
"Otherwise, you're looking fine. No problems you said?" I nod.
No sir, nothing at all. I've been a good cripple.
I stand again and he walks back to his desk, "Well, thanks for coming in Susumu."
"Oh! Before you go..." Turns around and smiles, "There is going to be something delivered here for you in the coming week. I'm not sure when but its on its way."
I look at him blankly, Delivery? For me? I didn't order anything.
"What is it?"
"I'm not sure but they said it's from your Uncle."
Uncle? What's he sending me? He never mentioned it in his email this morning. Mr. Masuyo notices my confusion and shrugs.
"I wouldn't worry about it. I'll let you know when it's here. Oh and for safety's sake, I would like to see you every second week."
"It would be best if I could keep an eye on you."
Oh, more checkups? Well, I don't mind.
I nod and make my way towards the door, "Oh, Susumu?" I turn around and look at Mr. Masuyo.
"You look good."
"T-thanks I guess, see you later." He waves and I close the door behind me.
What was that meant to me- oh. Oh yeah, right.
I limp out of the medical building, my stomach makes its appearance. I am starving! Time for lunch I guess. Before I move however I hear the bells ring.
You've got to be kidding me!
.....
"Alright everyone! Be sure to look over you work, you don't want to fail now do you?" Mr. Okada smacks his textbook for emphasis, several students flinch and begin packing up their bags.
"So hungry..." I'm gonna die, It was torture sitting through this class on an empty stomach. Wait, I have stuff in my room! Alright Kichirou, lets hustle.
Exiting the classroom with a limp, I hastily make my way towards the elevators. Before I can reach them, a blonde head of hair notices me and walks over. Oh, it's not Takashi.
"Kichirou! Hello." Iwasaki closes the gap between the elevators and myself. Move woman, my stomach protests at this interruption.
"Hello Iwasaki, how are you?" I decide on some small talk, maybe after a while she'll leave and I can rush to my room and gorge myself on some chips.
I should really get some proper food, now that I think about it. But I can't go to town in this state. Instead of a full stomach, I would probably end up with a hospital bill.
She's doing it again, Iwasaki's looking me over oddly. She catches my gaze and locks eyes with me, she is by no means an ugly girl, quite the opposite. But my stomach is more important right now, I don't have time for awkward teenage conversations.
"Listen, are you busy right now?" She twirls a lock of her hair and blushes a little, Ok Kichirou. Tell her the truth.
"No, what's up?" Oh my god...
"Really?!" She smiles, "Well in that case. The Student Council's in a bit of a mess right now."
"Most of our members have disappeared and we need help."
"What kind of help?"
"Well, since it's the first day of school. We've been tasked to look over all of the student facilities, to make sure that everything is in good shape and functionable."
"So, classrooms and club rooms? Stuff like that?"
"Yes! stuff like that." She giggles.
"So we've been going around looking for others to help. Could you help us out?"
I guess they don't have enough people, wonder if the members of the Student Council are trying to avoid this work?
"I don't know..." Iwasaki lips curl downwards and she looks a lot less happy. Crap.
"Ok! I'll do it."
Kichirou! No... We can't, we're running on empty man.
"You will?! That's great! Eriko!" She calls to a girl standing near the stairs, the girl runs up, a little flustered.
"Yes Chiyoko?"
"Kichirou here is gonna help us out, hand him a clipboard."
The girl hands me one but then withdraws a little when she notices my condition.
"Give it here." I motion her with my left arm and tell her to place in under my arm. She slides in and I make sure I've got it.
"There. Ok so, where am I going?" I question. I need to get this done as soon as possible.
"Well, it's all there on the clipboard but I was hoping you could head to music room on the third floor first." Iwasaki states.
"We sent someone there but she hasn't come back so we're a little worried."
"Ok, I'll go check." I nod to the girls and take the elevator to the third floor.
Not gonna lie, while I was in the lift I had the strongest urge to just drop the clipboard in a bin and try the trip down the hill. But I didn't do it, I'm not the kind of person to go back on my word after all. Oh wait, I almost was.
I follow the directions on the clipboard and find the door labeled "Music room", there is a disturbing lack of music coming from this room, guess there is no club activity today. I push open the door and look around inside.
The room is surprisingly empty, no instruments are around. I assume most of them were placed in that closet over there. A few desks and chairs sit around the room. Seated at one of the desks is the girl I'm looking for.
"Oh, hello." I call out.
Fukuhara looks up from her lunch box, she seems a little surprised.
"I didn't expect to find you here, how are you?" She smiles and nods a little, I make my way towards one of the desks and sit down. A heavenly scent wafts through the air, It's coming from her food. Oh man, that looks amazing.
While she eats, she's filling out a page on her clipboard. Try as I might, her lunch box is the center of my attention. I hesitate but I speak up, "That looks tasty."
She looks at her meal and then back at me, she takes a notepad out of her pocket and begins writing on it. Afterwards, she places the pad out in front of me. I look at the message on it.
"Are you okay? You do look a little tired." Is it that obvious? Wait, why did she write to me instead of speak?
"Uh, I missed out on lunch so I'm pretty famished." She nods and hands me her food, I shake my head and she writes on the notepad again.
"Please, have the rest. I'm not that hungry anyway." Fukuhara smiles and brushes some of her hair out of her eyes. I want to protest but I can't deny it, I'm starving.
I thank her and grab some chopsticks and begin eating, My body is overwhelmed by the sensation. I can finally die happy.
Fukuhara giggles silently as I keep eating, she looks over her clipboard before looking over at me again. I see the notepad in my line of sight again.
"Did the student council rope you into this as well? I see you have a clipboard." I nod solemnly.
"Yep, I agreed to help them out. I felt bad for them." Fukuhara writes something out.
"Did you really feel that bad?"
I laugh, "Ok, maybe I wasn't but they were very persuasive." Fukuhara silently giggles into the sleeve of her uniform, I notice the diamond stud in her ear. The sun coming from the window reflects off it, causing it to shine multiple colours. It's hard to look away.
Fukuhara notices me staring and blushes a little, I look away in embarrassment. I try to focus on the food but my chopsticks find nothing in the box, that was fast. Oh well, I feel way better now.
"Thanks for this, really, I thought that I would never eat again." She smiles and takes her lunch box back.
"I assume you've covered this room right? What's next?" Fukuhara looks over her clipboard before writing on her notepad.
"I think we have to look over the art room next." I nod and stand, grabbing my crutch and placing my clipboard under my arm.
"Alright well, let's go I guess." Fukuhara nods and packs up her bag before we both exit the music room. I realise I don't know where the art room is but Fukuhara seems to know so I end up following her.
This isn't gonna as boring as I thought.
Last edited by RidiculousLuke on Tue Feb 17, 2015 1:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
Luke of the Ridiculous variety, author of Puppet Show.
(There's also the Old Version of Puppet Show, if you really want to read it.)
"Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously." - Hunter S. Thompson
(There's also the Old Version of Puppet Show, if you really want to read it.)
"Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously." - Hunter S. Thompson
-
- Posts: 607
- Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2013 5:03 pm
- Location: Cleveland, OH
Re: Puppet Show [OC Story] [UPDATED: Chapter Five!]
I love your writing. This is one of my favorite completely OC stories right now.
Anyways, I wonder if Iwasaki has a crush on him or if she's just manipulating him using her feminine wiles(sp?). Either way, I'm looking forward to more.
Anyways, I wonder if Iwasaki has a crush on him or if she's just manipulating him using her feminine wiles(sp?). Either way, I'm looking forward to more.
Best girl
Hanako=Shizune>Misha>Lilly>Rin>Emi
Best route
Hanako>Lilly>Rin>Emi>Shizune
Hanako=Shizune>Misha>Lilly>Rin>Emi
Best route
Hanako>Lilly>Rin>Emi>Shizune
-
- Posts: 339
- Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2014 7:45 pm
- Location: Toledo, Ohio, USA
Re: Puppet Show [OC Story] [UPDATED: Chapter Five!]
I agree with Anton. This is probably the only comoletely-OC fanfic I'm enjoying so far.
Also, I love that "I've been a good cripple" line. Laughed louder than I should've (Being in the middle of lecture right now, any laughter would be too much).
Also, I love that "I've been a good cripple" line. Laughed louder than I should've (Being in the middle of lecture right now, any laughter would be too much).
- RidiculousLuke
- Posts: 58
- Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2014 4:23 pm
- Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Re: Puppet Show [OC Story] [UPDATED: Chapter Five!]
Maybe? One never knows with womenAnyways, I wonder if Iwasaki has a crush on him or if she's just manipulating him using her feminine wiles(sp?).
Luke of the Ridiculous variety, author of Puppet Show.
(There's also the Old Version of Puppet Show, if you really want to read it.)
"Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously." - Hunter S. Thompson
(There's also the Old Version of Puppet Show, if you really want to read it.)
"Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously." - Hunter S. Thompson
-
- Posts: 339
- Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2014 7:45 pm
- Location: Toledo, Ohio, USA
Re: Puppet Show [OC Story] [UPDATED: Chapter Five!]
^ Ain't that the truth!
*expecting hordes of women coming to beat me*
*expecting hordes of women coming to beat me*
- Mirage_GSM
- Posts: 6149
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
- Location: Germany
Re: Puppet Show [OC Story] [UPDATED: Chapter Five!]
Did he say that out loud? There are no quotation marks, but it might as wellNo sir, nothing at all. I've been a good cripple.
You picked something new that was always correct in the first chapters:
There - in both cases."Their is going to be something delivered here...
...their is a disturbing lack of music coming from this room
Two minor things about the story I noticed in this chapter:
1. Why is his nurse in charge of his mail?
2. Mr. Okada is only his math and homeroom teacher, but it seems he has every lesson so far with him. It's okay so far, but try not to keep this up for too long
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
- RidiculousLuke
- Posts: 58
- Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2014 4:23 pm
- Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Re: Puppet Show [OC Story] [UPDATED: Chapter Five!]
"Picked up something new" Haha! I can't be perfect... >.>You picked something new that was always correct in the first chapters:
"Their is going to be something delivered here...
...their is a disturbing lack of music coming from this room
There - in both cases.
1. Well it would spoil things if I said what the mail was but, the nurse isn't actually in charge of the mail. It's just that the package is something that has to go through the nurse first when it arrives.Two minor things about the story I noticed in this chapter:
1. Why is his nurse in charge of his mail?
2. Mr. Okada is only his math and homeroom teacher, but it seems he has every lesson so far with him. It's okay so far, but try not to keep this up for too long
2. I completely agree, I would like to leave it to the reader to imagine that there is obviously more than one teacher apart for Okada. But yeah, I have used him in every scene so far, only because I like him
But I will probably ease up on his appearances in the later chapters
Anyway, Thanks as always Mirage for your wisdom
Luke of the Ridiculous variety, author of Puppet Show.
(There's also the Old Version of Puppet Show, if you really want to read it.)
"Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously." - Hunter S. Thompson
(There's also the Old Version of Puppet Show, if you really want to read it.)
"Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously." - Hunter S. Thompson
- RidiculousLuke
- Posts: 58
- Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2014 4:23 pm
- Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Re: Puppet Show [OC Story] [UPDATED: Chapter Five!]
Chapter Six- Thankless job
=============================================================
My Uncle once told me in a drunken stupor, to never waste even a second when you're with a girl. I think he said this because I remember him telling me that my Father was always useless with women. Then again, he met Mom and they had me so I guess he wasn't all that useless. But I won't be able to ask him about it now anyway.
Fukuhara and I are currently walking through the halls of Yamaku, in search of the art room. I thought she knew where it was but it seems she was just as lost as I am. We've tried several rooms already but with the obvious lack of art supplies and the distinctive smell of paint, our search is still on-going.
I've lost track of what floor we're on, I've also forgotten the time. The scene around us just seems to be on loop, the same walls with that odd beige colour never disappear every time we turn a corner. I feel like I'm going mad. The sun will be setting soon, I wonder if we're gonna be here all night.
I look at Fukuhara, she's walking in front of me. Her hands are resting behind her back as she walks with a certain grace in her step, I think she had a rather wealthy upbringing. Of course I don't know that, but I can't help but accept it as the truth. It would explain that diamond in her ear.
My leg is starting to hurt, it has been supporting my weight this entire time after all.
"Hold up, can we take a little break?" I stop and lean against a nearby wall, Fukuhara turns around and looks me over before also leaning against a wall.
"Sorry. My, uh, leg was starting to ache." She nods a little and looks over her clipboard. I hope she has an idea, because if she doesn't, we'll be lost in this beige prison forever.
I sigh and close my eyes, I flex the sore muscles in my legs. The pain starts to subside a little, I can feel a little tearing in the muscle fibers as I stretch them. Once again, the most exercise I've gotten in months.
A loud bang and the sound of several objects falling catches my attention, Fukuhara also heard it. I raise an eyebrow and gaze down the hallway. It's coming from there.
I grab my crutch and hop towards the door, Fukuhara follows behind me. I slide open the door a little and peer inside, I can't see anything at first but I eventually see someone near the back of the room.
"Stupid easel! Get outta here!" Takashi kicks the easel angrily before resting it against the wall.
Hah, they pulled him into this as well. He's got a clipboard. I step inside and call out.
"Yo, I see they got you as well." Takashi jerks around suddenly but instantly relaxes when he sees me.
"Oh, 'sup man. Yeah, I couldn't help it. This cute girl came up to me and literally begged me into helping."
"I'm a sucker for that kind of tactic." Takashi sighs and surveys the room.
Thanks to Takashi however, we are now in the art room. I'm almost a little glad to be smelling the scent of paint and turbentine.
"Who got you into this? Iwasaki, the blonde girl?" Takashi shakes his head.
"It wasn't a blonde, it was some small red-head girl." Might of been that girl named Eriko. Well, it wouldn't have taken much to seduce Takashi anyway.
I chuckle and feel someone behind me, Fukuhara has finally stepped into the room. Takashi looks under one of the tables before speaking, "So, dude. Just how long are we mean-" He freezes as he notices Fukuhara.
"Takashi, this Fukuhara. Fukuhara, this is Takashi Yamaguchi." I introduce the two who both bow awkwardly.
Fukuhara's bow is as polite as ever whereas Takashi's bow, lets just say I think he went a little too low on that one.
Once that's done, Takashi takes a seat. "So, uh, Fukuhara. What's Kichirou t-told you about me? I hope it was som-"
"SHIT!" The chair underneath Takashi snaps and he falls to the floor hard.
I stare blankly at this scene, "One chair is broken in the art room." I look to Fukuhara, who is already writing it down on her clipboard.
"I've had it with this crap! I'm gonna complain about this!" Takashi emerges from the chairs remains and pouts.
"I doubt they would do anything to help. After all, they asked random students to help out didn't they? So they obviously don't have many members right now."
"Whatever, smart-ass." I see Fukuhara giggle into her sleeve again before writing out something on her notepad and showing me the message.
"I think we can go now, Yamaguchi seems to have this place checked out."
"Yeah, you're right." I look at the defeated Takashi.
"Fukuhara and I are gonna go check some of the other rooms. See you around pal." Takashi looks at me, I can sense of bit of jealousy in his eyes but he doesn't say anything. He waves us off and we leave the art room.
Once we're in the hallway, Fukuhara writes out a message while walking.
"Your friend is a funny guy." I sigh.
"He sure is, he's quite the hand full." We reach the student elevators, Fukuhara presses the button and we wait for it to arrive.
"Hey, can I ask you something?" Fukuhara looks at me expectantly.
"Why are you writing out what you say? It's a little strange." Fukuhara writes out a response rather quickly.
"I'm mute."
"Oh, I see. S-sorry for asking." I scratch the back of my head with my stub. Fukuhara shakes her head and smiles. The elevator arrives and we take it to the next floor.
.....
It's almost nighttime now, Fukuhara and I looked through every place listed on the clipboard. Occasionally writing down what was broken or what needed to be checked out. Afterwards, he headed to the Student Council office to report our findings.
Fukuhara pushes open the door, inside, there are a few people seated at desks. All of them are either looking through stacks of papers or just lounging about. Iwasaki notices our arrival and skips over to us.
"Hello! Sorry about all that, how did it go?" Fukuhara looks to me and I answer, I also notice Iwasaki looking over Fukuhara over curiously.
"Not bad, here you go." We hand her the clipboards, "There are a few things that need to be replaced or checked but otherwise, the schools still in working condition." Iwasaki giggles and and grabs my hand suddenly.
"Thank you for helping us Kichirou! You too, Fukuhara." Fukuhara smiles and bows, I feel Iwasaki squeeze my hand a little harder.
"Oh? Kichirou, you're here." Nakajima walks over to us, his cane in one hand. Man, he looks tired.
"Hey Nakajima. Yeah, Fukuhara and I were just helping you guys out."
"Yeah, thanks for that. Sorry we had to ask you guys but most of our members aren't around right now."
"Much like the president as well." Iwasaki scoffs.
"Yes, I have no idea where she is." Nakajima sighs. I look up at the clock at the far side of the room, it's getting late.
Fukuhara notices the time as well and writes down on her notepad quickly, She shows me the message.
"Sorry Susumu, I just remebered I'm supposed to meet up with Kyoko for dinner tonight." I shake my head.
"It's cool, thanks for joining me on this. I'll see you later." She smiles and bows before rushing out of the office.
I stand around the student council office awkwardly, I don't belong here. I should go but Iwasaki seems to have noticed Fukuhara's absence.
"Oh, your alone now?" She looks at me with excitement.
"I guess I am."
"In that case! Do you wa-" My phone vibrates in my pocket, I excuse myself and flip it open. It's a message.
"Bro, I'm heading down to the Aura-mart for dinner. Wanna come?" Takashi, impeccable timing as always. I'm hungry again.
"Sorry Iwasaki, I've got to go see Takashi for dinner." She frowns a little but then smiles, a blush on her face.
"Call me 'Chiyoko', last names are for strangers." I scratch my head a little before speaking.
"Okay... Well, I'll see you later." I say goodbye to Nakajima and the others in the student council before leaving, I step out of the school building. The grounds are quiet, apart from a few students wandering around here and there.
I step out of the school gates and head down the hill, I hope Takashi picks a nice place to sit. And he better be paying this time.
.....
Well, this isn't what I thought, Takashi's idea of eating dinner tonight is the two of us sitting in front of the Aura-mart like a bunch of hoodlums. His food of choice, a heated cup of noodles. Well, at least he payed this time.
Takashi sits beside me, cradling his food in his hands. It's not too cold right now so sitting outside is rather pleasant, I always liked spring.
"So, did you leave the art room without any injuries after we left?" Takashi sighs and tears the lid off of his cup, the steam rises from inside.
"Not really, I think I should sue." I laugh and tear the lid off my cup after a little effort. I grab the store bought chopsticks and begin stirring the noodles around.
"Wait! So what were you doing with F-Fukuhara huh?" He pokes me with his chopsticks.
"I met her in the music room and we decided to go through the job together, that's all." Takashi's not buying it.
He should really calm down, I didn't even have the guts to make small talk with her. Then again, I think small talk would take a lot of effort given the amount of writing she would have to do.
Takashi seems to be struggling with the chopsticks, he places them down after a while and just sits there sadly. "Dammit, can't even enjoy my food."
"Just give it a minute, want me to get you a fork in the meantime? The store has them at the front." He nods a little and I quickly hop into the store and retrieve a fork.
I hand it to him before sitting down and eating my own food. He doesn't have any trouble eating with the fork, so we continue eating in silence.
"You know I should feel thankful, Dyspraxia can be way worse."
"I got lucky since it's only minor. You should see some of the other kids I've seen with it." I nod solemnly.
"You're lucky as well, you're only missing a leg and a hand. You don't have something so disabling." I look at Takashi as he slurps his noodles calmly.
"I wouldn't say I'm lucky." I look at my stub, Takashi looks me over and nods.
"I guess you're not uh?" He laughs a little, "Sorry."
"Don't worry about it." We finish up our little dinner, toss the trash into a bin and begin climbing the hill back to Yamaku.
Takashi yawns and stretches, he glances around as we walk. I decide to break the silence.
"So, do you have any plans for the future?" I ask him the same question he gave me.
Takashi thinks before answering, "Well, I'm not all that sure. Maybe I'll major in mathematics in college, maybe become a banker like my folks..." He doesn't look all that confident about his choice but I can't blame him.
As teenagers, we're all scared and confused about our future.
We reach Yamaku and head towards the dorms, after saying goodbye, I head to my room and decide to go to sleep early.
.....
"Hey, what does this mean?" Takashi shows me his textbook.
"Why you asking me? I'm horrible at English." He sighs and looks over the book. I can't believe this is the first subject of the day. I wasn't ready for it. I actually miss math now.
The lunch bell finally rings, ending the torture. Before we can leave the teacher speaks up.
"Remember everyone, the school festival is coming up soon. So be sure to give us your ideas for what you want to do for it."
That's right, the festival. We all have to do something for it, I didn't get to do it last year but maybe I should help this year.
I look at Takashi, last year, he and I decided to spend the day by going into the city nearby. It was fun but I think this year we should help out.
"Hey Takashi?" He perks up.
"What's up?"
"Let's make a stall this year." He looks at me oddly.
"Really, you're serious?"
"Yeah, I am."
...
This is gonna be fun.
=============================================================
My Uncle once told me in a drunken stupor, to never waste even a second when you're with a girl. I think he said this because I remember him telling me that my Father was always useless with women. Then again, he met Mom and they had me so I guess he wasn't all that useless. But I won't be able to ask him about it now anyway.
Fukuhara and I are currently walking through the halls of Yamaku, in search of the art room. I thought she knew where it was but it seems she was just as lost as I am. We've tried several rooms already but with the obvious lack of art supplies and the distinctive smell of paint, our search is still on-going.
I've lost track of what floor we're on, I've also forgotten the time. The scene around us just seems to be on loop, the same walls with that odd beige colour never disappear every time we turn a corner. I feel like I'm going mad. The sun will be setting soon, I wonder if we're gonna be here all night.
I look at Fukuhara, she's walking in front of me. Her hands are resting behind her back as she walks with a certain grace in her step, I think she had a rather wealthy upbringing. Of course I don't know that, but I can't help but accept it as the truth. It would explain that diamond in her ear.
My leg is starting to hurt, it has been supporting my weight this entire time after all.
"Hold up, can we take a little break?" I stop and lean against a nearby wall, Fukuhara turns around and looks me over before also leaning against a wall.
"Sorry. My, uh, leg was starting to ache." She nods a little and looks over her clipboard. I hope she has an idea, because if she doesn't, we'll be lost in this beige prison forever.
I sigh and close my eyes, I flex the sore muscles in my legs. The pain starts to subside a little, I can feel a little tearing in the muscle fibers as I stretch them. Once again, the most exercise I've gotten in months.
A loud bang and the sound of several objects falling catches my attention, Fukuhara also heard it. I raise an eyebrow and gaze down the hallway. It's coming from there.
I grab my crutch and hop towards the door, Fukuhara follows behind me. I slide open the door a little and peer inside, I can't see anything at first but I eventually see someone near the back of the room.
"Stupid easel! Get outta here!" Takashi kicks the easel angrily before resting it against the wall.
Hah, they pulled him into this as well. He's got a clipboard. I step inside and call out.
"Yo, I see they got you as well." Takashi jerks around suddenly but instantly relaxes when he sees me.
"Oh, 'sup man. Yeah, I couldn't help it. This cute girl came up to me and literally begged me into helping."
"I'm a sucker for that kind of tactic." Takashi sighs and surveys the room.
Thanks to Takashi however, we are now in the art room. I'm almost a little glad to be smelling the scent of paint and turbentine.
"Who got you into this? Iwasaki, the blonde girl?" Takashi shakes his head.
"It wasn't a blonde, it was some small red-head girl." Might of been that girl named Eriko. Well, it wouldn't have taken much to seduce Takashi anyway.
I chuckle and feel someone behind me, Fukuhara has finally stepped into the room. Takashi looks under one of the tables before speaking, "So, dude. Just how long are we mean-" He freezes as he notices Fukuhara.
"Takashi, this Fukuhara. Fukuhara, this is Takashi Yamaguchi." I introduce the two who both bow awkwardly.
Fukuhara's bow is as polite as ever whereas Takashi's bow, lets just say I think he went a little too low on that one.
Once that's done, Takashi takes a seat. "So, uh, Fukuhara. What's Kichirou t-told you about me? I hope it was som-"
"SHIT!" The chair underneath Takashi snaps and he falls to the floor hard.
I stare blankly at this scene, "One chair is broken in the art room." I look to Fukuhara, who is already writing it down on her clipboard.
"I've had it with this crap! I'm gonna complain about this!" Takashi emerges from the chairs remains and pouts.
"I doubt they would do anything to help. After all, they asked random students to help out didn't they? So they obviously don't have many members right now."
"Whatever, smart-ass." I see Fukuhara giggle into her sleeve again before writing out something on her notepad and showing me the message.
"I think we can go now, Yamaguchi seems to have this place checked out."
"Yeah, you're right." I look at the defeated Takashi.
"Fukuhara and I are gonna go check some of the other rooms. See you around pal." Takashi looks at me, I can sense of bit of jealousy in his eyes but he doesn't say anything. He waves us off and we leave the art room.
Once we're in the hallway, Fukuhara writes out a message while walking.
"Your friend is a funny guy." I sigh.
"He sure is, he's quite the hand full." We reach the student elevators, Fukuhara presses the button and we wait for it to arrive.
"Hey, can I ask you something?" Fukuhara looks at me expectantly.
"Why are you writing out what you say? It's a little strange." Fukuhara writes out a response rather quickly.
"I'm mute."
"Oh, I see. S-sorry for asking." I scratch the back of my head with my stub. Fukuhara shakes her head and smiles. The elevator arrives and we take it to the next floor.
.....
It's almost nighttime now, Fukuhara and I looked through every place listed on the clipboard. Occasionally writing down what was broken or what needed to be checked out. Afterwards, he headed to the Student Council office to report our findings.
Fukuhara pushes open the door, inside, there are a few people seated at desks. All of them are either looking through stacks of papers or just lounging about. Iwasaki notices our arrival and skips over to us.
"Hello! Sorry about all that, how did it go?" Fukuhara looks to me and I answer, I also notice Iwasaki looking over Fukuhara over curiously.
"Not bad, here you go." We hand her the clipboards, "There are a few things that need to be replaced or checked but otherwise, the schools still in working condition." Iwasaki giggles and and grabs my hand suddenly.
"Thank you for helping us Kichirou! You too, Fukuhara." Fukuhara smiles and bows, I feel Iwasaki squeeze my hand a little harder.
"Oh? Kichirou, you're here." Nakajima walks over to us, his cane in one hand. Man, he looks tired.
"Hey Nakajima. Yeah, Fukuhara and I were just helping you guys out."
"Yeah, thanks for that. Sorry we had to ask you guys but most of our members aren't around right now."
"Much like the president as well." Iwasaki scoffs.
"Yes, I have no idea where she is." Nakajima sighs. I look up at the clock at the far side of the room, it's getting late.
Fukuhara notices the time as well and writes down on her notepad quickly, She shows me the message.
"Sorry Susumu, I just remebered I'm supposed to meet up with Kyoko for dinner tonight." I shake my head.
"It's cool, thanks for joining me on this. I'll see you later." She smiles and bows before rushing out of the office.
I stand around the student council office awkwardly, I don't belong here. I should go but Iwasaki seems to have noticed Fukuhara's absence.
"Oh, your alone now?" She looks at me with excitement.
"I guess I am."
"In that case! Do you wa-" My phone vibrates in my pocket, I excuse myself and flip it open. It's a message.
"Bro, I'm heading down to the Aura-mart for dinner. Wanna come?" Takashi, impeccable timing as always. I'm hungry again.
"Sorry Iwasaki, I've got to go see Takashi for dinner." She frowns a little but then smiles, a blush on her face.
"Call me 'Chiyoko', last names are for strangers." I scratch my head a little before speaking.
"Okay... Well, I'll see you later." I say goodbye to Nakajima and the others in the student council before leaving, I step out of the school building. The grounds are quiet, apart from a few students wandering around here and there.
I step out of the school gates and head down the hill, I hope Takashi picks a nice place to sit. And he better be paying this time.
.....
Well, this isn't what I thought, Takashi's idea of eating dinner tonight is the two of us sitting in front of the Aura-mart like a bunch of hoodlums. His food of choice, a heated cup of noodles. Well, at least he payed this time.
Takashi sits beside me, cradling his food in his hands. It's not too cold right now so sitting outside is rather pleasant, I always liked spring.
"So, did you leave the art room without any injuries after we left?" Takashi sighs and tears the lid off of his cup, the steam rises from inside.
"Not really, I think I should sue." I laugh and tear the lid off my cup after a little effort. I grab the store bought chopsticks and begin stirring the noodles around.
"Wait! So what were you doing with F-Fukuhara huh?" He pokes me with his chopsticks.
"I met her in the music room and we decided to go through the job together, that's all." Takashi's not buying it.
He should really calm down, I didn't even have the guts to make small talk with her. Then again, I think small talk would take a lot of effort given the amount of writing she would have to do.
Takashi seems to be struggling with the chopsticks, he places them down after a while and just sits there sadly. "Dammit, can't even enjoy my food."
"Just give it a minute, want me to get you a fork in the meantime? The store has them at the front." He nods a little and I quickly hop into the store and retrieve a fork.
I hand it to him before sitting down and eating my own food. He doesn't have any trouble eating with the fork, so we continue eating in silence.
"You know I should feel thankful, Dyspraxia can be way worse."
"I got lucky since it's only minor. You should see some of the other kids I've seen with it." I nod solemnly.
"You're lucky as well, you're only missing a leg and a hand. You don't have something so disabling." I look at Takashi as he slurps his noodles calmly.
"I wouldn't say I'm lucky." I look at my stub, Takashi looks me over and nods.
"I guess you're not uh?" He laughs a little, "Sorry."
"Don't worry about it." We finish up our little dinner, toss the trash into a bin and begin climbing the hill back to Yamaku.
Takashi yawns and stretches, he glances around as we walk. I decide to break the silence.
"So, do you have any plans for the future?" I ask him the same question he gave me.
Takashi thinks before answering, "Well, I'm not all that sure. Maybe I'll major in mathematics in college, maybe become a banker like my folks..." He doesn't look all that confident about his choice but I can't blame him.
As teenagers, we're all scared and confused about our future.
We reach Yamaku and head towards the dorms, after saying goodbye, I head to my room and decide to go to sleep early.
.....
"Hey, what does this mean?" Takashi shows me his textbook.
"Why you asking me? I'm horrible at English." He sighs and looks over the book. I can't believe this is the first subject of the day. I wasn't ready for it. I actually miss math now.
The lunch bell finally rings, ending the torture. Before we can leave the teacher speaks up.
"Remember everyone, the school festival is coming up soon. So be sure to give us your ideas for what you want to do for it."
That's right, the festival. We all have to do something for it, I didn't get to do it last year but maybe I should help this year.
I look at Takashi, last year, he and I decided to spend the day by going into the city nearby. It was fun but I think this year we should help out.
"Hey Takashi?" He perks up.
"What's up?"
"Let's make a stall this year." He looks at me oddly.
"Really, you're serious?"
"Yeah, I am."
...
This is gonna be fun.
Last edited by RidiculousLuke on Wed Feb 18, 2015 1:28 am, edited 2 times in total.
Luke of the Ridiculous variety, author of Puppet Show.
(There's also the Old Version of Puppet Show, if you really want to read it.)
"Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously." - Hunter S. Thompson
(There's also the Old Version of Puppet Show, if you really want to read it.)
"Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously." - Hunter S. Thompson
- RidiculousLuke
- Posts: 58
- Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2014 4:23 pm
- Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Re: Puppet Show [OC Story] [UPDATED: Chapter Six!]
As requested, here is some more artwork.
Hiromi Fukuhara on the left, Chiyoko Iwasaki and Fumio Nakajima on the right.
Hiromi Fukuhara on the left, Chiyoko Iwasaki and Fumio Nakajima on the right.
- Attachments
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- Hiromi Chiyoko and Nakajima 1 Smaller.jpg (217.18 KiB) Viewed 5058 times
Luke of the Ridiculous variety, author of Puppet Show.
(There's also the Old Version of Puppet Show, if you really want to read it.)
"Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously." - Hunter S. Thompson
(There's also the Old Version of Puppet Show, if you really want to read it.)
"Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously." - Hunter S. Thompson
-
- Posts: 339
- Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2014 7:45 pm
- Location: Toledo, Ohio, USA
Re: Puppet Show [OC Story] [UPDATED: Chapter Six!]
Both look like very nice catches. Kichirou, don't fuck it up!
- Mirage_GSM
- Posts: 6149
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
- Location: Germany
Re: Puppet Show [OC Story] [UPDATED: Chapter Six!]
I mentioned this before...Well, it wouldn't of have taken much to seduce Takashi anyway.
Takashi emerges from the chair's remains and pouts.
Really? He has to ask that?"Why are you writing out what you say? It's a little strange." Fukuhara writes out a response rather quickly.
"there are" - in both casesinside, they're a few people seated at desks.
"They're a few things that need to be replaced or checked..
If you use "either" in the first part you need to use "or" in the second.All of them are either looking through stacks of papers while others are just lounging about.
This one's not that bad but a bit funny: this sounds like she's fated to meet up with Kyoko for dinner. "I'm supposed to meet..." would sound a bit more natural."Sorry Susumu, I just remebered I'm meant to meet up with Kyoko for dinner tonight."
And again something new you picked upI hope Takashi's picks a nice place to sit.
Takashi's seems to be struggling with the chopsticks,
"he and I"last year, him and I decided
The story itself continues to be good.
There are a few places where you could replace commas with full stops to improve readability, but again it's not a major problem.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
- RidiculousLuke
- Posts: 58
- Joined: Mon Mar 17, 2014 4:23 pm
- Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Re: Puppet Show [OC Story] [UPDATED: Chapter Six!]
Thank you Mirage
Latest chapter has been edited. Although there are a few things here I want to discuss:
I assume that when you write a story, you want your characters to be flawed, not perfect. They have to be relatable, not some manifestation of a god.
This as well:
But all these things aside, I still made plenty of spelling mistakes. There is also several things that I know grind your gears Mirage but I feel that you mean well with your replies.
Anyway thank you as always for the replies guys, I truly appreciate all the feedback
New chapter will be uploaded soon. Cheers for now
Latest chapter has been edited. Although there are a few things here I want to discuss:
In a sense it is a little heavy on the fated side of things, but I think that it comes down to the personal preference of the reader. I can actually imagine people making arrangements with others and then feeling completely obligated to show up. Especially when that person is young. After all, the characters in this story are still essentially children. They might think that they are special, given the rather crappy card life has given them. But really, they are not."Sorry Susumu, I just remebered I'm meant to meet up with Kyoko for dinner tonight."
This one's not that bad but a bit funny: this sounds like she's fated to meet up with Kyoko for dinner. "I'm supposed to meet..." would sound a bit more natural.
I assume that when you write a story, you want your characters to be flawed, not perfect. They have to be relatable, not some manifestation of a god.
This as well:
Now I'm not free of failure on this. I should've had Kichirou ask Fukuhara about the writing a lot sooner. In the end though,I felt it was far more natural for him to just kind of accept it and then later go, "Okay, this is like, really messed up. Like, what's up with all this?""Why are you writing out what you say? It's a little strange." Fukuhara writes out a response rather quickly.
Really? He has to ask that?
But all these things aside, I still made plenty of spelling mistakes. There is also several things that I know grind your gears Mirage but I feel that you mean well with your replies.
Anyway thank you as always for the replies guys, I truly appreciate all the feedback
New chapter will be uploaded soon. Cheers for now
Luke of the Ridiculous variety, author of Puppet Show.
(There's also the Old Version of Puppet Show, if you really want to read it.)
"Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously." - Hunter S. Thompson
(There's also the Old Version of Puppet Show, if you really want to read it.)
"Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously." - Hunter S. Thompson