Katawa Shoujo Forums

It's been a week, so I guess I'll just go for it.

Prologue: Interesting view on the "four things at the same time", even if it's different from my own. It scales nicely, each thing building on the previous one and branching out, at the same time showing Rin's unique view on the topics her mind stumbles over. The format keeps the reader on their toes, I had to go "wait, what?" and read back to find the thread of her thoughts a few times, then got back a second time and (kind of) managed to keep the thoughts isolated. It's actually a weirdly cool mind exercise, keeping separate thought processes.
Brain knot/10

Me, My Yoke, and I: Hisao is, by design, a somewhat blank canvas, so that we can relate and project, which makes this one of my favorite Hisaos. Being around such a strong character as Rin, she obviously did what she does best and bled her colors into this canvas, though he's been through more than enough to gain his own colors. The answer he arrives at is a solid, resounding "Paint it, Black". Really loved this Hisao, probably because I like Rin so much. Also the synesthesia of it all.
I had never read/heard the word "yoke", so I searched for its definition: "a bar or frame that is attached to the heads or necks of two work animals (such as oxen) so that they can pull a plow or heavy load; something that causes people to be treated cruelly and unfairly especially by taking away their freedom". Two pulling a heavy load, being constrained and hurt. Ain't that just fitting.
Like Helbereth said, Linkin Park's With You/10

Heat & Safe and Sound: I'm not sure if it was intentional, but the whole thing feels very pagan. Womanhood being associated with the moon, and men with the sun, all the little secrets mothers passed to their daughters were done so under the moonlight, just like the main interactions between Mayu and Rin. Hisao is present after the painting's done and "can tell you about it in the morning", but has no business on the matters of the wiser sex. Slight reference to this Rin taking meds and the maturity exposition assures this very different Rin is not OOC. Mothering Rin for the win (tin bin sold separately). Also, Mayu is in my head canon.
Shelob-man/10 (shelob-man, shelob-man, does whatever a fucking huge spider can)

Interesting work: I feel like I could contribute more if I'd read more Terry Pratchett, but it's been hard to get my hands on some. Can't help but comment again on the synesthesia, it's a big part of my Rin and it's always interesting to see how authors portray it, since it's such an alien concept, so stuck are we in our perspective. Love the way most of Rin's thoughts get added on like layers of paint. The references to Rin's suicidal thoughts are both heart wrenching and very plausible to me. Also brings the point that only weird people can do such weird things as paint Death.
Sharp things/10

Rin's Dream: A nice, relatively straightforward one to close. This Rin aligns well with mine, though it seems very... translated, for a first person narration. Maybe her unconscious mind manages to work things out better, so she's more lucid, and then revert to her usual truncated thought process at the end. It's a nice Rin and a nice story. The way her view is translated for the reader makes her easier to understand, i would recommend this for those who don't "get" her/her route. Happy ending to close things off. Reflecting with your reflection is another cool mind exercise, although it doesn't really do much for me.
Mind the gap/10

WillDfly wins the 'no-prize' for dedicated reviewing.

Forewarned is forearmed: it's difficult to come to grips with Rin. Most people keep her at arm's length, but you have to hand it to those who manage to palm off something. It's a difficult burden to shoulder, yet people still try to establish some kind of foothold in the difficult ascent to Rinhood.

brythain wrote:Forewarned is forearmed: it's difficult to come to grips with Rin. Most people keep her at arm's length, but you have to hand it to those who manage to palm off something. It's a difficult burden to shoulder, yet people still try to establish some kind of foothold in the difficult ascent to Rinhood.

God damn it, Bry...

Sharp-O wrote:

brythain wrote:Forewarned is forearmed: it's difficult to come to grips with Rin. Most people keep her at arm's length, but you have to hand it to those who manage to palm off something. It's a difficult burden to shoulder, yet people still try to establish some kind of foothold in the difficult ascent to Rinhood.

God damn it, Bry...

Handle with it
A hand of applause to what is, hands down, some of the greatest Rin puns handed to us, pushing on the limits of creativity and reaching for the best ones. Handpicking and putting them at our feet must have been a handful, but Brythain is handy like that, I guess. You handsome person.

Haha... but on another note, there's this interesting thread here in our own forums.

I had a word with Hoitash. He sat there on my desk, larger than life and twice as big, with a foul cigar in his fist. I hadn't yet had my word.

So I corralled a few and asked him, "Hey, ensemble cast. You up for summer reading guest co-chair?"

"If you'd said 'summer movie', I'd've thought something like 'Ocean's Eleven' or how ever many it is these days," he replied. The grin never left his face, but you could guess that all the machinery behind it was whizzing smoothly and crankily at the same time, as always.

"I bet you're already coming up with a list."

"We-el-llll," he drawled, pretending a bit too much to be disinterested, "perhaps I have a few things generally in mind..."

"Out with it," I said, my own grin not slipping much.

It was like flipping a switch. I swear he lit up so fast it was lucky we didn't have a Fourth of July right there and then.

"If you wanna do a reading of a summer special, I'd suggest Road to Tokyo*. As for the Master Detectives**... Sigh... honestly I'm not as thrilled with them as I used to be."

You could see him droop a bit, but not much. I lifted an eyebrow to nudge him along, and he got the hint.

"Don't get me wrong: I don't regret them—they were good practice for what I'm doing these days," he added. Then he sighed again. "I still feel USM*** just doesn't get the love I wished it did."

"We did have a look at it in the Club some time back."

"Yeah, that. Maybe I'm not as good a romance writer as I thought I was. Not that it matters. Or anything does."

"It all does, man. You write good stuff for one audience, I write for another. Very different styles."

He laughed, flicking ash into my bin like iron filings to a magnet. "The sarcastic nihilist and the cynical optimist. Which one is which? Our readers may never know."

=====

* Road to Tokyo (completed 28 Aug 2013) is our summer reading for the month of July. If you want to read the rest and let Hoitash have some feedback on these golden oldies, you're very welcome to proceed from now till 31 July or so. Thanks!

** The Hisao and Kenji: Master Detectives series is sort-of ongoing and very entertaining. You can find its pieces in this forum.

*** United States of Misha (completed 10 July 2012) was the second work that this club looked at.

Well, except that I'd be holding a fifth of Johnnie Walker Black and not a cigar (I don't smoke), that was... pretty much how it went down.

The USM one-shots are a thing, too, for those interested. Different topic, different time.

Regardless, thanks for having me, bry. I will do my best to use my powers in the most frivolous and amusing manner possible.

I mean for good. Or something like that

I finally managed to read the 33 chapters of Road to Tokyo in between work, the beginning of the university semester, writing my own piece (that's... going), watching some anime (for research) and almost managing to adult.
I wish I could write a better/longer review, but between reading it spread through 3,5 weeks instead of in a single seating and being so focused on trying my hand at writing, it's what I can contribute for now, even if I feel the work deserves more. Maybe some discussion?

It's pretty awesome, weaved in a style I'd like to see some more, skilfully balancing humour, serious matters and just plain whack. I'll definitely check out the other stories from the series. Sometime.
The characters are well written, even the ones who differ quite a bit from what I see in the material don't feel OOC, I could always see how they reach point B from point A. In particular, I like Kenji's character and his interactions with the others. Instead of being "fixed" or remaining unchanged, they meet somewhere in the middle, which I feel is the healthiest way to go about life. The whole world building feels solid, researched and thought out; a part of the story, not just background.
Something I noticed (and also am struggling with) is that the writer's own personality somewhat shadowing the character's sometimes. Even if I wasn't so sure who was narrating, there could be no doubt that Hoitash wrote it. It's nothing detrimental to the experience, just minor nitpicking and learning for myself.
Overall, an awesome piece, left me wanting more (which is fortunately written already, just gotta find time) and a great experience in general. Rocking Classic Motorcycle/10

WillDfly wrote: Something I noticed (and also am struggling with) is that the writer's own personality somewhat shadowing the character's sometimes. Even if I wasn't so sure who was narrating, there could be no doubt that Hoitash wrote it. It's nothing detrimental to the experience, just minor nitpicking and learning for myself.

Yeah... to paraphrase DanjaDoom, when I write first person my default viewpoint tends to be some variant of "sarcastic jackass".

WillDfly wrote:It's pretty awesome, weaved in a style I'd like to see some more, skilfully balancing humour, serious matters and just plain whack.

I differ only on one point: it is not 'plain' whack. It is truly extraordinary whack at times.

It's the last day of July: quick, get your licks in before Hoitash gets away!

After reading this story, I could imagine Hanako and Hisao signing the song "Uncontrollable" from Xenoblade Chronicles X as that is a rock song that even I think Hanako would love, even though the game didn't exist back when this fanfic was written.

It's the first day of September, and summer is gone. Anyone have suggestions for the future?

I'm digging around in the more obscure corners...

How about the collab fanfiction, Katawa Aniki, which centers around 2 new characters and how they come across Hanako and Shizune, who are more fleshed out here than in the VN itself, by Popo Popo and Diet Kane?

October is coming up, so why don't we do go into some of the horror (or at least Halloween) based stories?

Jake Zero wrote:How about the collab fanfiction, Katawa Aniki, which centers around 2 new characters and how they come across Hanako and Shizune, who are more fleshed out here than in the VN itself, by Popo Popo and Diet Kane?

It's one of those entertaining works (it has music, script, and everything!) but it's got a couple of problems: Hisao-substitution, offsite location. Anyone else interested?

Oddball wrote:October is coming up, so why don't we do go into some of the horror (or at least Halloween) based stories?

That's a good thematic suggestion!