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gragon wrote:okey im realy confused.

today i was at my dads house. and we had dinner with the 3 of us (my steph mom was upstairs because she needed to care for her newborn baby) well anyways we had dinner and my lil'brother wouldn't stop crying so being the dad he is he gave my 1 and a half year old brother one spank. and well inside i got pretty fucking pissd. but my brother kept crying so my dad took away his dessert. (he should have done that instead of the spanking in the first place)

so my 1 and a half year old brother goes to bed after dessert. and my dad says if you want you can eat his dessert too and he walks upstairs. and here i am even more pissed at my dad for giving me the choice to eat the dessert of my lil borther. i felt guilty even for getting the choice so i put it in the refrigerator but is till felt guilty and i dont know why.


and about the writing and drawing etc i enjoyed writing a lot too you can let your feelings go. but i prefer to do that with acting you can just cry without anyone going you realy are crying

I can't act, sadly. I tried to get into theater but I was always shunted aside into other, crummier classes...

And I can't say much for the guilt. It doesn't seem there's anything you should be guilty about. Your dad's sense of punishment is a bit off...Seems the withholding of dessert should be the first option. Only cause of guilt I can think of (and pardon my bluntness) is that you subconsciously think your dad's kind of a dick for doing that and should've been told off for it.

gragon wrote:okey im realy confused.

today i was at my dads house. and we had dinner with the 3 of us (my steph mom was upstairs because she needed to care for her newborn baby) well anyways we had dinner and my lil'brother wouldn't stop crying so being the dad he is he gave my 1 and a half year old brother one spank. and well inside i got pretty fucking pissd. but my brother kept crying so my dad took away his dessert. (he should have done that instead of the spanking in the first place)

so my 1 and a half year old brother goes to bed after dessert. and my dad says if you want you can eat his dessert too and he walks upstairs. and here i am even more pissed at my dad for giving me the choice to eat the dessert of my lil borther. i felt guilty even for getting the choice so i put it in the refrigerator but is till felt guilty and i dont know why.


and about the writing and drawing etc i enjoyed writing a lot too you can let your feelings go. but i prefer to do that with acting you can just cry without anyone going you realy are crying

I wouldn't worry to much about that. I know you have problems with your dad but stuff like that is common in families. Dads tend to be assholes, that's just how it is. And yeah its frustrating but things like that are not something to worry about.

I'd just sleep on it.

Damn it's hard to keep up with the threads here...

Revvy wrote:Really feeling discouraged with life in general today KSF.

First i find out that my ex cheated on me with my brother. Then I am told that the girl I am recently getting close to is just leading me on.
And I feel discouraged from writing ever again due to a lack of interest from others, which sucks because I love writing.

What kind of guy is your brother? Bros shouldn't do that to each other.
And about the other girl, just ask her. If she's interested, so much the better. If she's not, well, now you know, so you can forget about it and move on to someone who's actually worth it. And by it I mean you, dude.
Lastly, about the writing, I gave it up even though I never let anyone read my stuff. Now I don't have the time for it anymore, I miss it and I'm kinda like a little ball of bottled up frustration. Learn from this, write for yourself, not for others.

Xiious wrote:Just a little update guys. Yesterday I was cornered in a store by her parents, and I snapped. I told them off pretty badly, badly enough that while they backed off of me tears appeared in their eyes. My mother always said I had a special gift with words, that I had more control over how I wanted someone else to feel than most people. That explains why I sound monotone when I talk on here sometimes.

But I couldn't stop myself from saying certain things. For example, what she really thought of them.

I don't know what to do, I feel so guilty.

I might be bestowed with the same "gift". I had a falling out with my grandma once, where I apparently said something in semi-jest which hurt her deeply. This made me very apprehensive of what my words could inflict on others, and ultimately led me from being a happy, extravert person to an introvert social recluse. I'm trying to change this, but it's slow going. Anyway, to my point: I would like to add to the good advice from everyone here that you should maybe try to think the other way around. Do they think about how their words and actions affect you? Probably not as much as you do about yours, so don't feel too bad about it.

just wanted to let you guys know im trying to get closer to my family again. (mainly my mother and older brother) also wen i took a shower this morning i found out that im not happy with my body. so i dicided to try jogging (with the help of the emi running guide) and well i found out it feels amazing to run. so im going to start running in the evening to replace my regular mid night walks. tough for some reason its harder to run then to play rugby. (i couldn't even get back to normal breathing after 1 minute walking tough while playing rugby its easy'r dont know why tough).

gragon wrote:just wanted to let you guys know im trying to get closer to my family again. (mainly my mother and older brother) also wen i took a shower this morning i found out that im not happy with my body. so i dicided to try jogging (with the help of the emi running guide) and well i found out it feels amazing to run. so im going to start running in the evening to replace my regular mid night walks. tough for some reason its harder to run then to play rugby. (i couldn't even get back to normal breathing after 1 minute walking tough while playing rugby its easy'r dont know why tough).

Just run at your own pace. Once you can find that you can jog slowly for an extended period of time, start pushing the limits of the threshold at which you start breathing heavily. You know, that point at which you start gasping for air. Run just faster than that. It'll increase the limit at which you start breathing heavily. Cardiorespiratory endurance ftw!

gragon wrote:just wanted to let you guys know im trying to get closer to my family again. (mainly my mother and older brother) also wen i took a shower this morning i found out that im not happy with my body. so i dicided to try jogging (with the help of the emi running guide) and well i found out it feels amazing to run. so im going to start running in the evening to replace my regular mid night walks. tough for some reason its harder to run then to play rugby. (i couldn't even get back to normal breathing after 1 minute walking tough while playing rugby its easy'r dont know why tough).

I used to be able to run a mile in less than 6 minutes and... well.. those days are over

But seriously if you want to get into jogging and running all I can really say is to not get discouraged. I used to be just a little chubby when I was younger but I put myself to it and now Im a completely average weight-wise. Im no body builder, but I got there. I went from a 15 minute mile to a 5 minute one in a year. It truly was a story worth a movie to tell you the truth. I dont know exactly where you are at weight wise but you CAN do it. Just keep that in mind!

Camoufrage wrote:

gragon wrote:just wanted to let you guys know im trying to get closer to my family again. (mainly my mother and older brother) also wen i took a shower this morning i found out that im not happy with my body. so i dicided to try jogging (with the help of the emi running guide) and well i found out it feels amazing to run. so im going to start running in the evening to replace my regular mid night walks. tough for some reason its harder to run then to play rugby. (i couldn't even get back to normal breathing after 1 minute walking tough while playing rugby its easy'r dont know why tough).

I used to be able to run a mile in less than 6 minutes and... well.. those days are over

But seriously if you want to get into jogging and running all I can really say is to not get discouraged. I used to be just a little chubby when I was younger but I put myself to it and now Im a completely average weight-wise. Im no body builder, but I got there. I went from a 15 minute mile to a 5 minute one in a year. It truly was a story worth a movie to tell you the truth. I dont know exactly where you are at weight wise but you CAN do it. Just keep that in mind!

Props for that.

Pseudogenesis wrote:

Camoufrage wrote:

gragon wrote:just wanted to let you guys know im trying to get closer to my family again. (mainly my mother and older brother) also wen i took a shower this morning i found out that im not happy with my body. so i dicided to try jogging (with the help of the emi running guide) and well i found out it feels amazing to run. so im going to start running in the evening to replace my regular mid night walks. tough for some reason its harder to run then to play rugby. (i couldn't even get back to normal breathing after 1 minute walking tough while playing rugby its easy'r dont know why tough).

I used to be able to run a mile in less than 6 minutes and... well.. those days are over

But seriously if you want to get into jogging and running all I can really say is to not get discouraged. I used to be just a little chubby when I was younger but I put myself to it and now Im a completely average weight-wise. Im no body builder, but I got there. I went from a 15 minute mile to a 5 minute one in a year. It truly was a story worth a movie to tell you the truth. I dont know exactly where you are at weight wise but you CAN do it. Just keep that in mind!

Props for that.

Ha, it was quite a while ago. Now my times gotta be down to at least 7 or 8 minutes

But seriously, if I can do it, anyone can.

I'm looking forward to seeing what my time is now that I've started running regularly. I was always around 8 minutes when I was out of shape and hadn't hit puberty yet, but now that my my mussels are strong and my legs are like stilts, let's get this show on the road. :3

Pseudogenesis wrote:I'm looking forward to seeing what my time is now that I've started running regularly. I was always around 8 minutes when I was out of shape and hadn't hit puberty yet, but now that my my mussels are strong and my legs are like stilts, let's get this show on the road. :3

Get dat shit on da road and see if you can beat Lawrence of Arabias 5 minute mile!!!

thanks for the support. and about my wight 88KG im 1,70m long.

well this thread helped me alot already. its like i made a promise to you guys to get happyer. and wel it works out pretty well. haven't had realy bad toughts about myself since i told you guys i lied about my age

Pseudogenesis wrote:I'm looking forward to seeing what my time is now that I've started running regularly. I was always around 8 minutes when I was out of shape and hadn't hit puberty yet, but now that my my mussels are strong and my legs are like stilts, let's get this show on the road. :3

Oh thanks a fucking hell of a lot. I came here to announce diet plans but now i need chowder because of that joke.

Actually my weight problems can be traced easily to a dependance on ready-made meals since my kitchen is barely functional, but i lost a decent amount of weight when i quit Jolt Cola and switched from chips to baby carrots and sunflower seeds. Oh, one thing that also helped? Forget any car you may own and walk or use mass transit to get around, trust me that little bit of extra exercise makes a big difference, and if you are having a problem kicking a fast food habit try searching YouTube for the movie "Supersize Me."

Making this one short.

@Revvy: Holy balls. That's just nuts. I can't even like identify with this nonsense, because I'm a good ten years older than my siblings, hahah, but that's some ol' bullshit. I'mma second Helbereth and I implore you to focus that weirdness into something creative. But hey, no damage done, bitches and whores, on to the next one. She was an EX when this happened, or did I completely misunderstand that? Regardless, YIKES. Best of to you and yours.

Xiious wrote:I don't fear death, or my own mortality for that matter. I await patiently the day that it is my time to go. But I can say, that the wait could be made a lot smoother.

Most Zen thing I've ever read on the HBHC. The journey IS the destination.

gragon wrote:well this thread helped me alot already. its like i made a promise to you guys to get happyer. and wel it works out pretty well. haven't had realy bad toughts about myself since i told you guys i lied about my age

This thread does awsome things like that ^^. At first its like... why the fuck even post and then you do post and then its like... you just know what to do now. Well thats how I felt, I kind of accidentally opened up into the thread which branched off into awsome.

Lately I'm having a stinging pain in my skin, urticaria. It's horrible to the point of being unbearable. I went to a dermatologist, he gave me some antibiotics, and it's even worse, the stinging pain attacks became more frequent and strong and I'm having like a rash, skin eruptions.
It happens when I'm nervous or do exercise. My sweat glands appear to be f*cked up.