Hisao 6: Closer (20150724)
Posted: Fri Jul 24, 2015 2:22 am
Found in Misha's diaries, a sheaf of papers with both her handwriting and Hanako Ikezawa's.
They appear to have been written/edited in the weeks immediately after Hisao's son was born in 2022.
Hisao had his heart augmented after he collapsed on the day his son was born.
Its most proximate link to the main story would appear to be this part of Misha's own account.
This is the sixth part of Hisao's 'arc', if you can call it that.
Hisao 6: Closer (T -2)
I can’t write, so Hanako and Misha (me!), of all people (because we’re your friends, Hi’chan!), will have to do it for me. I’ll just ramble on and they’ve promised me they’ll take notes.
Apparently, I’ve died, but not gone to heaven. In fact, I’m lying in a hotel room… no, it’s a hospital room. A familiar sensation, of being comfortably helpless and then uncomfortably so, seeps through whatever veins I have left. I know they are veins because every now and then, my heart appears to receive those feelings.
Next to me, I can hear someone scribbling. My wife has gone for lunch, and besides, she doesn’t like writing. (Hi’chan, don’t be mean to your wife!~ Besides, she’s just delivered a son and is resting a few wards away!) I guess I know that this must be Misha, who’s a dear friend, but a bit of a nag. (Hmph!)
I can’t see. This is ironic on many levels. I don’t even seem to have self-control, which is humiliating when it comes to certain things, and embarrassing when it comes to others. I have a catheter, I think, to take care of one humiliation; I have Misha scribbling down what I say, which is embarrassing because I can’t stop whispering. (It’s OK, Hi’chan!)
All in all, I feel as if I’m infused partly with the spirit of Lilly Satou, blind and half a person. But she’s not dead, and I nearly am, and besides, the doctors tell me I will be able to see in a while, it’s just the side-effect of what happened to me, which was dying and coming back to life.
The brain, they tell me, is rewiring itself to accommodate my new heart. That shouldn’t make sense at all, except that R explained it to me some years back. If what I think has happened should happen, my heart is now wired to my brain. I can’t tell you more, or K would have to kill you. Long story.
Short version: I’m recovering from being dead. Meanwhile, my mind is wandering. I’m not sure if I’m dreaming or not. Why would I want to believe that Misha is writing everything down for me? (Because I am, Hi’chan!~ And that’s very hurtful, saying something like that! But I forgive you because you’re alive.)
Time has passed, time is passing. Mutou-sensei used to talk to me a lot about time. I think I dozed off there for a while. (You did. And Shi’chan has just arrived! She’s asking if you slept well.)
I did indeed sleep well. Thanks for asking, boss. (Hi’chan, I can’t write and sign at the same time, so I’ll just write and save time.)
Just want to say… you and I are old friends, aren’t we? We went to school together and kept going to school together. Yamaku was where we (all of us!) first met, and then it was Todai, and then you went away to Chicago and left me to pick up my life.
[I went to Chicago because they offered me a place. And you had Emi by then.] (Now I’m writing for Shi’chan too, because it might as well be part of the record. I’ll use square brackets for her! I get the round ones because I’m round and she’s square. ☺ )
[Not the time for jokes, Misha. How are you feeling, Hisao?]
Like death, to be honest. Except Death probably feels better. Rin told me something about Death once, but I thought she was joking.
[You’ll feel better soon. I can’t be happy if the most effective member of my team is lying around in bed.]
Was that a joke? Hey, Misha, she made a joke. (Yes, it was a joke, Hi’chan! I glared at her but she was grinning.)
Grinning? Let me see. Ow, my neck feels too weak. But I can see she’s grinning. Shizune has a beautiful smile, I always liked it when she smiled and hated it when she frowned. Anyway, I’m not the most effective member of your team, old friend, you are. Always have been. Gonna sleep now… (Aw, Hi’chan, sleep well.)
*****
I can’t see anything. It’s all dark now. Perhaps it’s because my eyes are closed. I shall try to open them. There’s light. It’s a glimpse of reality, of my hospital room. I feel sore all over. They should turn me so I don’t get ulcers.
You’ll arrange for that? Wait, are you doing it yourself? You aren’t strong enough. No, you are. Thank you very much. Request: could you write your own words down too, like Misha did? I want to be able to remember what you’ve said. My brain’s rewiring itself and I might forget things.
{Very well, Hisao. Hmm. I’ll take curly brackets.}
Where’s everyone else?
{Aren’t I good enough for you on my own?}
Of course you are! You are one of the best and most beautiful people I know!
{That’s… embarrassing. You’re a j-joker, even in a hospital bed. Hmm. I’ll leave out the stutter. It’s too much work.}
Not joking. I’ve told you before.
{You’ve joked about it before. Don’t let Emi hear you.}
I’ve never joked about it before. Where’s Emi?
{Emi’s fine in her own room. Rin and Misha went for dinner. It’s my shift. I volunteered for an extra shift.}
Hana? I’ve just remembered something else. We’ve been friends a long time now. Fifteen years.
{And many more to come!}
I’m sorry, Hanako Ikezawa. I just wanted to put on record that I’ve appreciated your friendship a whole lot. Better to say it, and say it again, in case there aren’t so many more years left.
{I don’t like you saying that. And if you said it to Emi, she’d be even more angry and sad.}
Ah. Can you forgive them? They were in a hurry and you were away.
{Well, they experimented on you, Hisao. And they didn’t tell me. I saw Natsume, and they’d even granted her an exclusive. There was a whole committee, and I wasn’t on it.}
You weren’t around when it happened. I was already on life-support.
{I know. It can be my fault for not being here in Japan. But you, and I, and Shizune—we were friends together for so many years after Yamaku. What happened to that? Even Akira knew more about this than I did.}
You’re still my friend.
{I was silent for a while, because I was still angry. But there wasn’t much point in being angry when Hisao was lying there with all the tubes and wires attached to him. I bet you say that to all the girls you know.}
True.
{This is no time to be joking.}
I bet all the girls I know say that.
{Would you like me to read to you?}
Have you got the last Murakami with you?
{And the blue Folio anthology. I asked Emi to bring it from your home.}
Ah. You’re right, Hana. Poetry first. Murakami is too much like real life, these days. What are you reading?
{Something else.}
A surprise?
{Yes.}
I’ll close my eyes now and listen to your surprise.
{The distant mountains / Are reflected in the eye / Of a dragonfly.}
Oh, that’s beautiful.
{It is. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realized that Hisao must often have seen only one of my eyes. Perhaps he saw his reflection in my left eye from time to time.}
Sorry? Where’s it from?
(Kobayashi! Hi Hi’chan, glad you’re awake! Has Hanachan been taking good care of you?)
{This is like a joke that begins with, "A pink rhinoceros crashes into the room after having lunch with the fastest thing on no legs." Hello, Misha. And this is where I told Misha quietly that I understood she overdid ‘cheerful’ so that we wouldn’t feel so sad and morbid about the events of the month. She nodded, and we were friends again.}
Did you say something, Hana?
{I was just telling Misha that it was nice to be so cheerful.}
(Yes! But of course, Hi’chan, you need your sleep and we shouldn’t trouble you so much.)
{Misha, how did you know the poem was by Kobayashi?}
(Oh, it’s just something my mother taught me.)
I feel tired. I think I’ll sleep again. Good poem, though. Hanako?
{Yes?}
Thank you for being my friend and teaching me about poetry.
{The moon is possibly very beautiful tonight.}
It is? That means something, doesn’t it? I used to remember… but I’ve forgotten.
{Yes. It does.}
(Yes, it does, awww, Hanachan…)
Goodnight.
=====
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They appear to have been written/edited in the weeks immediately after Hisao's son was born in 2022.
Hisao had his heart augmented after he collapsed on the day his son was born.
Its most proximate link to the main story would appear to be this part of Misha's own account.
This is the sixth part of Hisao's 'arc', if you can call it that.
Hisao 6: Closer (T -2)
I can’t write, so Hanako and Misha (me!), of all people (because we’re your friends, Hi’chan!), will have to do it for me. I’ll just ramble on and they’ve promised me they’ll take notes.
Apparently, I’ve died, but not gone to heaven. In fact, I’m lying in a hotel room… no, it’s a hospital room. A familiar sensation, of being comfortably helpless and then uncomfortably so, seeps through whatever veins I have left. I know they are veins because every now and then, my heart appears to receive those feelings.
Next to me, I can hear someone scribbling. My wife has gone for lunch, and besides, she doesn’t like writing. (Hi’chan, don’t be mean to your wife!~ Besides, she’s just delivered a son and is resting a few wards away!) I guess I know that this must be Misha, who’s a dear friend, but a bit of a nag. (Hmph!)
I can’t see. This is ironic on many levels. I don’t even seem to have self-control, which is humiliating when it comes to certain things, and embarrassing when it comes to others. I have a catheter, I think, to take care of one humiliation; I have Misha scribbling down what I say, which is embarrassing because I can’t stop whispering. (It’s OK, Hi’chan!)
All in all, I feel as if I’m infused partly with the spirit of Lilly Satou, blind and half a person. But she’s not dead, and I nearly am, and besides, the doctors tell me I will be able to see in a while, it’s just the side-effect of what happened to me, which was dying and coming back to life.
The brain, they tell me, is rewiring itself to accommodate my new heart. That shouldn’t make sense at all, except that R explained it to me some years back. If what I think has happened should happen, my heart is now wired to my brain. I can’t tell you more, or K would have to kill you. Long story.
Short version: I’m recovering from being dead. Meanwhile, my mind is wandering. I’m not sure if I’m dreaming or not. Why would I want to believe that Misha is writing everything down for me? (Because I am, Hi’chan!~ And that’s very hurtful, saying something like that! But I forgive you because you’re alive.)
Time has passed, time is passing. Mutou-sensei used to talk to me a lot about time. I think I dozed off there for a while. (You did. And Shi’chan has just arrived! She’s asking if you slept well.)
I did indeed sleep well. Thanks for asking, boss. (Hi’chan, I can’t write and sign at the same time, so I’ll just write and save time.)
Just want to say… you and I are old friends, aren’t we? We went to school together and kept going to school together. Yamaku was where we (all of us!) first met, and then it was Todai, and then you went away to Chicago and left me to pick up my life.
[I went to Chicago because they offered me a place. And you had Emi by then.] (Now I’m writing for Shi’chan too, because it might as well be part of the record. I’ll use square brackets for her! I get the round ones because I’m round and she’s square. ☺ )
[Not the time for jokes, Misha. How are you feeling, Hisao?]
Like death, to be honest. Except Death probably feels better. Rin told me something about Death once, but I thought she was joking.
[You’ll feel better soon. I can’t be happy if the most effective member of my team is lying around in bed.]
Was that a joke? Hey, Misha, she made a joke. (Yes, it was a joke, Hi’chan! I glared at her but she was grinning.)
Grinning? Let me see. Ow, my neck feels too weak. But I can see she’s grinning. Shizune has a beautiful smile, I always liked it when she smiled and hated it when she frowned. Anyway, I’m not the most effective member of your team, old friend, you are. Always have been. Gonna sleep now… (Aw, Hi’chan, sleep well.)
*****
I can’t see anything. It’s all dark now. Perhaps it’s because my eyes are closed. I shall try to open them. There’s light. It’s a glimpse of reality, of my hospital room. I feel sore all over. They should turn me so I don’t get ulcers.
You’ll arrange for that? Wait, are you doing it yourself? You aren’t strong enough. No, you are. Thank you very much. Request: could you write your own words down too, like Misha did? I want to be able to remember what you’ve said. My brain’s rewiring itself and I might forget things.
{Very well, Hisao. Hmm. I’ll take curly brackets.}
Where’s everyone else?
{Aren’t I good enough for you on my own?}
Of course you are! You are one of the best and most beautiful people I know!
{That’s… embarrassing. You’re a j-joker, even in a hospital bed. Hmm. I’ll leave out the stutter. It’s too much work.}
Not joking. I’ve told you before.
{You’ve joked about it before. Don’t let Emi hear you.}
I’ve never joked about it before. Where’s Emi?
{Emi’s fine in her own room. Rin and Misha went for dinner. It’s my shift. I volunteered for an extra shift.}
Hana? I’ve just remembered something else. We’ve been friends a long time now. Fifteen years.
{And many more to come!}
I’m sorry, Hanako Ikezawa. I just wanted to put on record that I’ve appreciated your friendship a whole lot. Better to say it, and say it again, in case there aren’t so many more years left.
{I don’t like you saying that. And if you said it to Emi, she’d be even more angry and sad.}
Ah. Can you forgive them? They were in a hurry and you were away.
{Well, they experimented on you, Hisao. And they didn’t tell me. I saw Natsume, and they’d even granted her an exclusive. There was a whole committee, and I wasn’t on it.}
You weren’t around when it happened. I was already on life-support.
{I know. It can be my fault for not being here in Japan. But you, and I, and Shizune—we were friends together for so many years after Yamaku. What happened to that? Even Akira knew more about this than I did.}
You’re still my friend.
{I was silent for a while, because I was still angry. But there wasn’t much point in being angry when Hisao was lying there with all the tubes and wires attached to him. I bet you say that to all the girls you know.}
True.
{This is no time to be joking.}
I bet all the girls I know say that.
{Would you like me to read to you?}
Have you got the last Murakami with you?
{And the blue Folio anthology. I asked Emi to bring it from your home.}
Ah. You’re right, Hana. Poetry first. Murakami is too much like real life, these days. What are you reading?
{Something else.}
A surprise?
{Yes.}
I’ll close my eyes now and listen to your surprise.
{The distant mountains / Are reflected in the eye / Of a dragonfly.}
Oh, that’s beautiful.
{It is. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realized that Hisao must often have seen only one of my eyes. Perhaps he saw his reflection in my left eye from time to time.}
Sorry? Where’s it from?
(Kobayashi! Hi Hi’chan, glad you’re awake! Has Hanachan been taking good care of you?)
{This is like a joke that begins with, "A pink rhinoceros crashes into the room after having lunch with the fastest thing on no legs." Hello, Misha. And this is where I told Misha quietly that I understood she overdid ‘cheerful’ so that we wouldn’t feel so sad and morbid about the events of the month. She nodded, and we were friends again.}
Did you say something, Hana?
{I was just telling Misha that it was nice to be so cheerful.}
(Yes! But of course, Hi’chan, you need your sleep and we shouldn’t trouble you so much.)
{Misha, how did you know the poem was by Kobayashi?}
(Oh, it’s just something my mother taught me.)
I feel tired. I think I’ll sleep again. Good poem, though. Hanako?
{Yes?}
Thank you for being my friend and teaching me about poetry.
{The moon is possibly very beautiful tonight.}
It is? That means something, doesn’t it? I used to remember… but I’ve forgotten.
{Yes. It does.}
(Yes, it does, awww, Hanachan…)
Goodnight.
=====
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