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I look forward to reading two of three endings. Although I'll most likely steer away from the bad ending... it's bad enough from Hisao's point of view, let alone Hanako's, oh God.

Well, this fanfic is as good as always. It was really fun to read Hanako's inner narration in this scene even though i felt that some elements were left sadly untreated/unfocused in this and a previous scene. In any case, i (and others, i'm sure) will be looking forward to the pool scene. Cheers.

Atario wrote:Haha! Inhibition-free Hanako is the best thing ever.

Certainly she was especially fun to write then xD.

TARDISman85 wrote:That may have been the greatest thing ever. Mostly because it reminded me of the first time I got drunk, which involved less chess and more me screaming at the final boss in Dragon Quest IV. In my defense the guy's arms were flying off. Anyhoo, terrific update, can't wait to read more Trivun!

Thank you! First time I was drunk, I was 12 I think, and was violently sick. Chess wasn't involved. I'm a lot better at being drunk now ;D.

Hisao&Hanako<3 wrote:Ah, such a bittersweet moment. If I were Hisao, I definitely would have embraced Hanako there. Something in my mind is telling me that when he pushed her away, she viewed that as a sort of rejection to her feelings. Definitely not good. I would have held her, and for a long time too. Maybe even kissed her. Hmm, wine breath kiss. Something to think about.

I always thought that myself as well, the rejection side, but to be fair she's less likely to remember it while drunk. Personally, I reckon she remembers but in a way she's relieved nothing did happen, though I'll go more into that in the next chapter. Not entirely sure at this stage how I'll write it though. There are lots of factors to consider, after all, and as the discussion in this very thread has made clear countless times, everybody has their own opinion that may or may not mesh with my own . If I was in Hisao's case though, truth be told I'd have held back too. Though I think I'd have tried to be a bit more tactful and stayed a little while longer, then again without being in that scenario myself I don't know what I'd really do...

pandaphil wrote:Unfortuntely Mister Indecisive still wasn't sure how he felt about her.

Honestly bro, by this time in Emi's arc you'd already jumped in the sack with her.

Point taken xD. Maybe Hanako isn't as ardent a shipper of that pairing though... ;P

Negativedarke wrote:In Hisao's defense he also didn't want to risk doing something that they'd both regret when sober. Emi wasn't drunk the first time on her route.

Well I was waiting for this and it didn't dissapoint. It was an interesting contrast between the sober version of Hanako's thoughts and the drunk version. We get a good look into her insecurities, but also her hopes. It's no surpise that she's unsure just what Hisao's feelings for her are at this point. Also nice to see how she regards Akira.

Point also taken xD. And thank you . I think at this point, I decided to include a commentary of sorts on Akira because quite frankly we never really see how Hanako sees her in the original game, and yet they clearly get on well and Akira's not the type of person to look at Hanako's scars and judge her on those. Bear in mind we're dealing with Japan, which isn't exactly known for its fair treatment of disabled people (especially when you consider the culture still, even in the modern day, has a strong bias towards honour and towards strength and being a credit to ones family and so on - disabled people in Japan get a very raw deal even when compared to some of the less nice countries in the world). In Akira's case, she not only was raised with, but had to raise herself a blind sister, and the Western heritage would have had a dampening effect in terms of making her more open and accommodating to those with any kind of disability...

linhasxoc wrote:

Negativedarke wrote:I really doubt it would have ended well if Hisao and Hanako's first time happened while drunk. Remember how Hisao felt guilty and that he had taken advantage of her and hurt Hanako from their actual first time, and how confused she was. Add in being drunk... Hisao is going to really think he took advantage of her, and Hanako would think he only slept with her because she was drunk. And who knows what else.

I've heard talk that that scene is a leftover of sorts from a bad ending from an early draft of the route in which Hisao did take advantage of Hanako while under the influence.

Would you by any chance be referring to the beta version that I think (correct me if I'm wrong) leaked a while ago, the one with Misha's suicide or the 'Hanako gets pregnant' ending? Because I'm not a fan of that version myself, if only because I think it's much too dark for this game (and we see some pretty dark things in the finished version anyway, which I think says a lot). If I want a really evil set of endings I'll play School Days, or just stick to Higurashi/Umineko no Naku Koro ni...

Markus Ramikin wrote:Greetings all, my first post on this forum. (If there's a "newcomers say hi here" thread anywhere, sorry, I missed it.)

I'm really enjoying this story. Hanako's adorable, and it's quite interesting to see the story develop from her perspective. And you write well.

For the most part I'll refrain from a specific critique because Atario seems to have said everything I wanted to say. (There've been a few insightful replies on this thread, come to think of it).

I especially agree that explicitely using the term white knight was jarring. To the point where I think it's actually worth going back and rewriting. (Besides, it's one of those terms which everyone thinks everyone else agree with them as to what it means, and then if you taboo the word and ask people to be specific, you're liable to get an argument about definitions, or worse, norms. So I'd prefer Hanako's narration to describe what she means without falling back on that label.)

Drunken Hanako was lovely, a great read. That whole chapter was worth a smile, and seeing it from her perspective actually helps me appreciate the game route more. For me, part of the problem with Hanako's route was that, for all that she wants Hisao to see her as herself and not just someone troubled to help, much of the time she doesn't really show all that much personhood or reveal what she's like; the fact that she is troubled and does need help overshadows other things, unless you're paying attention to subtleties (and, like Hisao, I'm bad at that). So seeing her side of things helps.

I am looking forward to more of this. Thank you for the enjoyable reading so far.

Hello there, and welcome to the forums! Nice to see a newcomer, and I feel a bit honoured that you chose my fanfic to be the topic of your first post here . Hopefully you'll enjoy your time here, and I'm definitely glad to see you're liking the story so far. Thanks for the compliment too . I agree with what you say about Hanako's personality, and that we never really see it in the game - that's pretty much one of the key reasons I decided to write this in the first place. I won't go into the whole white knight thing since I've covered that elsewhere in this thread, but I understand your concern, and I reckon that Hanako would certainly use chess references at least on occasion for this kind of thing just because it fits, given her liking of the game. A flimsy excuse, but no less true . Anyhow, I hope you enjoy your time posting here, and hopefully you enjoy the rest of Hanako's Story too!

Hisao&Hanako<3 wrote:Ah, yes, subtleties. Like how when Hisao puts his arm around Hanako on the way to jazz club, she blushes and lets him do it. One thing that's so great about Hanako is she says so much without actually using words. It's easy to see she cares for Hisao and wants him as more than a friend.

It's actually a bit of a challenge for me as a writer to get that across, I've never been much good at description but subtlety was also never a very storng suit of mine. Dialogue has always been my strength (in the past few years I've tended to write short screenplays more than prose, this is the exception for me). That's one of the great things about writing this for me, doing something I'm not massively good at means I can develop that aspect of my writing and improve, but I'm also putting across something interesting about an already interesting character. On that note, has anyone noticed the titles for each chapter have a meaning? I'd say 'The Mirror' is the most obscure, yet also one of the most meaningful; nobody has yet managed to guess what that chapter title means ;D.

Negativedarke wrote:Let it be known I am really looking forward to the Jazz Club scene. It's both pivitol, and at the same time you get to see Hanako in a different situation than normal.

Agreed, and I'm looking forward very much to writing it .

Hisao&Hanako<3 wrote:I look forward to reading two of three endings. Although I'll most likely steer away from the bad ending... it's bad enough from Hisao's point of view, let alone Hanako's, oh God.

If you think it'll be bad reading it, think how hard it'll be for me to write! It was hard enough writing the breakdown in the classroom, since I've always been a character writer and I always try to get into the minds of the characters I write about, whether they're original creations or existing ones. The things I do for my art... ;D

Dream wrote:Well, this fanfic is as good as always. It was really fun to read Hanako's inner narration in this scene even though i felt that some elements were left sadly untreated/unfocused in this and a previous scene. In any case, i (and others, i'm sure) will be looking forward to the pool scene. Cheers.

Again, thank you . I can understand your concern about some things being a bit neglected compared to others, though in my defence it is a bit more difficult to write some things, and in a way different readers will have different ideas on what's more important to a scene or a character. Some things, of course, are set in stone too. Glad to see you're liking it though, and I'll definitely try to be more rounded in my writing and cover more as needed in future chapters .

Trivun wrote:

linhasxoc wrote:

Negativedarke wrote:I really doubt it would have ended well if Hisao and Hanako's first time happened while drunk. Remember how Hisao felt guilty and that he had taken advantage of her and hurt Hanako from their actual first time, and how confused she was. Add in being drunk... Hisao is going to really think he took advantage of her, and Hanako would think he only slept with her because she was drunk. And who knows what else.

I've heard talk that that scene is a leftover of sorts from a bad ending from an early draft of the route in which Hisao did take advantage of Hanako while under the influence.

Would you by any chance be referring to the beta version that I think (correct me if I'm wrong) leaked a while ago, the one with Misha's suicide or the 'Hanako gets pregnant' ending? Because I'm not a fan of that version myself, if only because I think it's much too dark for this game (and we see some pretty dark things in the finished version anyway, which I think says a lot). If I want a really evil set of endings I'll play School Days, or just stick to Higurashi/Umineko no Naku Koro ni...

I found the original "source" for that, the Trivia page for KS on TV Tropes.

TV Tropes wrote:
·In a very early version of Hanako's route, one of her bad ends would have involved Hisao having sex with a heavily medicated Hanako, which would have been the equivalent of date rape. In fact, her good end would not have involved any sex at all.
·Her route writer admitted that the first draft written for Hanako was heavily inspired by Higurashi no Naku Koro ni.
·This wasn't completely scraped. At some point a drunk Hanako hits on Hisao heavily, but he's Above the Influence and puts her to bed; and later after their H scene, Hisao is horrified as he mistakenly thinks that the sex with Hanako may have not been as consensual as he thought, and that's why Hanako is avoiding him in class. She corrects him and says it was all consensual.

I'm sure the bad ending is going to be tough to write. And I imagine that for other reasons the sex scene is going to be difficult to write. Actually part of the good ending is pretty emotionally wracking too. I always felt that much of what Hanako says when she breaks down crying is similer to what she says during the bad ending. It's just that in the bad ending she's saying it while angry, and in the good ending she's saying it while sad.

Finally finished reading it all! This is absolutely brilliant and I really can't wait until the next chapter!

On that note, has anyone noticed the titles for each chapter have a meaning? I'd say 'The Mirror' is the most obscure, yet also one of the most meaningful; nobody has yet managed to guess what that chapter title means ;D.

Had never thought of that actually, will keep an eye on future titles.

Again, thank you . I can understand your concern about some things being a bit neglected compared to others, though in my defence it is a bit more difficult to write some things, and in a way different readers will have different ideas on what's more important to a scene or a character. Some things, of course, are set in stone too. Glad to see you're liking it though, and I'll definitely try to be more rounded in my writing and cover more as needed in future chapters .

Indeed, different people will see different things and everyone has a different outlook on what's more important. As long as the work is good the differences in interpretation aren't very important anyways. And kudos to you for keeping up with this.

Draganada wrote:Finally finished reading it all! This is absolutely brilliant and I really can't wait until the next chapter!

Same here, what a fantastic story so far

It's been a longer time coming now, but here's the next chapter, finally! Hopefully it's been worth the wait. It's also a bit short (though nowhere near my shortest length, and onger than some recent chapters), but next time we can finally look forward to... the Jazz Club ;D.

Act 3 – Chapter Seven: (Not So) Swift Recovery

I wake up with a sore head and a dry mouth. My eyes hurt a little, not from lack of sleep (the complete opposite, in fact), but more from a general ache all over. I've never felt so bad. Nausea hits me as I struggle to lift my body out from under the sheets. My memories of the party are still slightly fuzzy at first, but soon begin to sharpen...

My memories! I suddenly realise, as I try to hydrate myself with gulps of water from the tap, just how foolish I was then. Not wanting Hisao to leave... it's true that I wanted him to stay. I was so clingy towards him that I realise how stupid I must have looked. The embarrassment mounts while I prepare myself for school. I can't miss class today, not again. It would be too suspicious. I don't exactly feel like going, truth be told, but for once the reason is purely physical, rather than mental. The hangover isn't quite affecting me, not like before, but I still don't feel up to the task. Even so, I have to make the effort.

Even though I feel so bad I still feel the happiness from the party. As if I don't have to constantly feel like my life is worthless, as if I don't deserve the things I want or like I don't deserve to have people who care about me. Lilly, Hisao, Akira, they all came and helped me enjoy a time, for once, that has always previously been nothing but misery. Though I know that after today, and especially when Lilly has gone to Scotland, I'll revert back to those old feelings, I know that it's nice to have something good to hold on to, however temporary. It gives me hope.

I'm among the first to class, despite the headache, and take my seat in silence. Mutou-sensei is already here, marking papers and preparing for today's lessons. I contemplate reading through some of the week's material so as to remain ahead, enough for the coming days, when the door opens. I look up, startled, to see a familiar figure who, I suspect, may also be suffering as much as I am.

We make eye contact, before I turn away and stare straight down through sheer nerves. I wonder what he remembers from the party? I dread to think...

By now the rest of the class has been pouring in steadily, including the aforementioned Misha and Shizune. They look across at me as I try to avoid everyone's gazes, but I give no sign as to my current state of recovery. There's no telling what they would do with that kind of information. Over the noise of my fellow students, I hear Mutou's voice, “Feeling better today?”

I'm startled, fearing what he knows about yesterday, until I hear Hisao reply, “Yeah. Thank you.” I'm not sure if he's talking about that, or something else, but as long as nothing specific is mentioned I can probably rest easy. Nevertheless, I'm at edge all the way through morning lectures. When the lunch bell finally rings, my suspicions are made all the more worrying when Hisao turns up at my desk.

“Hanako... did you tell...?” Did Hisao have the same thoughts I did when he was asked how he was feeling? I shake my head in response.

“It's just...” I start.

“Just...?” Before I can answer Hisao, a slightly large pink mass materialises behind him, with a smaller purple creature at the side.

“Well hello there, Hicchan. It's nice to see you again today!” Her voice sounds curiously happy, even by Misha's standards. I'm not normally suspicious, save when it comes to my natural distrust of people's overtures of friendship, but Misha has me a little concerned now. Does she know about the party? The smile on Shizune's face reminds me of the Cheshire Cat, which only serves to fuel my feelings of doubt.

It appears that Hisao has the same thing in mind. “Hi Shizune, Misha. You, uh... you look happy to see me.” I can sense the paranoia creeping into his voice, as much as an overreaction that may be. Or possibly not, given who we're now dealing with. Shizune's eyes are almost twinkling like a character from an anime, her smile frozen in place. She continues to smirk as her hands fly faster than I've seen for a long time, as though she's excited to get her message across as quickly as possible.

“Not feeling well yesterday, Hicchan...?” Misha translates, her own smile evolving to match that of her companion. I'm relieved, but not by much. Something still smells fishy here, and despite the hour it's certainly not anyone's lunch. Does he not know?

“No,” he replies, “no, I wasn't. But I'm feeling better now, at least.”

The hands start moving again, the translation coming just as swiftly. “That's good to know, Hicchan.”

“You sound like you're not being completely serious.” I'm happy to hear Hisao shares my suspicions, though my gut instinct tells me that I'm about to be drawn into something here, and completely against my will.

“Oh no, Hicchan, we're genuinely pleased that you're all better now...” I know what this is about...

“In fact,” Misha continues, “we were quite worried about you. After all...” Please don't say it...

“You, Hanako and Lilly were all absent from class on the same day.”

I drop my eyes to the floor as Hisao lets out a large sigh. Shizune has us bang to rights, and there's precious little we can do about it. I look up at Hisao and notice him staring at Shizune, looking directly into her cat-like eyes. “I guess you have your own theories about this. Could you just kinda... not tell anyone?” I get the feeling his hopeful attitude is much too little and much too outdated. Misha is, of course, glad to confirm my fears in that regard.

“It's a bit late for that, Hicchan...” I sink and try to make myself look as small as possible, as I consider what my conscious mind had previously kept from me, ostensibly for my own protection. The looks I received from people entering the room, the same looks levelled at Hisao as he made his arrival afterwards. Even the hint of concern in Mutou-sensei's eyes as I took my seat and began to read the course work, his voice as he asked Hisao about feeling better. I already knew, and was moments from telling Hisao before the president and her eternal assistant turned up, but it doesn't make the revelation to him any easier for me to deal with. Maybe I was naive to think we could keep it hidden, or contained, but I was hoping that if people noticed then at least they wouldn't care.

“The only reason why we're giving you such a hard time is that you ignored us yesterday morning!” The latest translation from Misha is a surprise to me, more than anything else revealed today. They went to his room? The pang of jealousy I've been trying to keep hidden starts to surface again, though only for a few brief seconds. No, the bigger concern is that he ignored them and went back to sleep, or so I assume.

“Oh right, the knocking,” he says. So he did hear them, then. “That was you two?”

The grin has finally been wiped off Shizune's face as she signs a response, translated as ever by her pink curly cohort, though I can't avoid the sneaking thought that her indignant expression is as carefully manufactured as her smiles. “It was, and you left us there for ages after we'd taken all the effort of coming to your dormitory early in the morning.”

I'm almost proud of Hisao, as much as I can muster the strength of mind and ego to possibly be, at the fact he was able to (with zero effort, literally) get on Shizune's nerves for once. It's not that I don't like her, but it's still amusing to see her nose out of joint over something so petty, even if it does mean she has a hold over us for whatever reason she can imagine. I may not have the courage nor the mind to do such things myself, but a girl can still dream. Besides, Lilly would certainly be pleased. “Sorry, I was having a... problem with nausea? A problem with nausea.”

I take that back. Of all the things he could have said, a problem with nausea is the first he can come up with? However accurate it may be, it won't do a thing to alleviate the suspicious minds of Misha and Shizune.

Dropping her head regardless, Shizune reaches into her pocket and pulls out a slightly crumpled piece of paper. Looking closer, I see that it's an envelope, with a sunflower motif, which she hands to Hisao. “This is what we were trying so hard to give you, Hicchan! You don't check your mail very much at all!” This explains why they went to see him yesterday, then. I don't want to be nosy, the envelope is none of my business, but I can't help but read Hisao's face as he takes it in. A single word escapes his lips, while his features register a touch of sadness and concern.

“Iwanako.”

Iwanako? A name... I look at the people around me. Both Misha and Shizune are looking at Hisao with trepidation, as if they expect him to open the letter right now and read it aloud. I know that my own expression is a little more confused, though I actively make an effort not to show it. I want to know who this person is, the jealousy rearing its ugly head yet again and refusing to go down this time. However, I know that it's not my place to ask, not directly. That said, I still repeat the name in a meek voice, my curiosity too much for me to contain.

“It's nothing.” Hisao's comment is abrupt, and it's clear he doesn't want people around him as he looks at whatever is inside. “Thank you for bringing me this, you two.”

“I should think so, after what we went through to get it to you...” Misha's bubbly voice betrays her minor annoyance, however put-on and cutesy it may be, as Hisao says his goodbyes and leaves. There's still quite a bit of the lunch hour to go, and though we remain standing as he goes our interest is doomed to be unsatisfied. I choose not to follow him. After all, I know exactly what it is to keep secrets...

After a short while, I too take my leave. I don't really want to spend my lunch with Misha and Shizune, if only because I'm worried they'll start grilling me on why we were all absent from class yesterday. I don't think I'd be able to take it. Anyway, Lilly is probably waiting for us.

My guess is proved correct when I arrive at the tea room. Lilly tilts her face up in the direction of the creak as I gently close the door behind me. “Is that you, Hanako?” She's learned over time how to tell the exact sound I make whenever I close this door, a remarkable skill to have.

“Y... yes, it's me.” A brief moment of silence passes, before I clarify, “H-Hisao's... not with me. Um, s-sorry.”

“It's fine,” she says, with a smile, much sweeter than any Shizune has made so far today. “You don't have to apologise for his absence. Though, I wonder where he is?”

I quickly explain the previous events, and about the letter Hisao received. “He wouldn't tell you what was written?”

“N-no, he didn't... he didn't open it near us. He must h-have waited until he'd l-left...”

“How curious. Still, I suppose it's best left to him to decide if he wants to share its contents. From what you've told me, it looks as though it's rather personal, and we shouldn't interfere.”

I can only agree, and affirm as much to Lilly. “He... he skipped yesterday as w-well. I d-didn't know you did t-too...”

She laughs, just a little, as her cheeks turn a faint shade of pink. It reminds me of how she looked the other night, after the first glass of wine. “I must confess, I'm as guilty as you and Hisao. I didn't think the wine had affected me that much, but it seems I was mistaken. I didn't wake up until midday yesterday.”

The unspoken implication, of course, is that she would have aroused too much suspicion if she'd suddenly arrived half a day late to a lecture. She continues, “I heard Misha in the corridor this morning, on the way to classes. She called my name, but I did a rather mean thing. I pretended I couldn't hear her!” We both begin to laugh, full belly chuckles as Lilly finishes speaking.

“I... I'm glad you're okay...” I continue smiling but with a tinge of sadness. I don't want Lilly to leave, though I understand she doesn't have a choice. She seems to understand my concern.

“It's only for a week or two, no more. I'm more concerned about you...” I don't deserve such concern, but the joy of the past couple of days (hangovers aside) intervenes and allows me this moment. “I actually had something in mind...”

“W... what?” I don't know what this 'something' is, but I get the feeling that it's something Lilly might have thought up in an attempt to make me feel a bit better. I only say that because of the way the conversation has segued onto the new topic of concern for me.

“It's something I thought of on the night of the party. Hisao's already agreed to it.” Is she saying that because she knows if Hisao agreed, I'm more likely to? She still hasn't fully explained herself. “How would you be up for a little trip into town...?”

This and the Akira route updating around the same time is a nice treat! Thanks for sharing.

This didn't seem like it was too long, but it sure was sweet. Yeah Shizune and Misha are probably the most terrifying thing on campus. We get a couple of nice moments, like Hanako feeling pretty happy, and wondering what Hisao is feeling. And of course the letter. And we're getting closer to one of my favorate parts of her route.

I've been looking forward to this chapter for a long time. The next one will be incredibly short, but there are reasons for that and I hope those reasons will make perfect sense to those who have already completed Hanako's arc in the original game. For now, this is a pretty lengthy chapter compared to recent ones, so hopefully it'll be worth reading .

Act 3 – Chapter Eight: Halcyon

I can't even begin to imagine what the city is like for Lilly at night. The sounds and smells must be her only link to what's going on, since she can't see the bright lights of the stores and bars still open into the later hours. The journey here was pleasant enough, though. Akira drove us in her car, which was more than I was expecting (not that we'd have easily caught a bus and still made it here in any kind of good time). Even so I couldn't avoid holding on to the door as we went. Although the timing was good, Akira is a much more reckless driver than I'd have imagined. It's actually the first time I've been in her car, and it's not an experience I'm eager to repeat again soon. Which might be a problem assuming she's driving us back later...

“E-everything looks so p-pretty at night...” I say, more for Lilly's benefit than anyone else. Even though she can't see it, there's nothing stopping her imagining, and I'm happy to help her in that endeavour as long as is needed.

A passer-by catches my eye and I quickly glance toward the ground. Even in the dimmer light, the brighter store fronts highlight my features so much more, and I can't avoid shying away from the looks and stares I still receive now. I still feel as though everyone is watching me, even though in my heart and my logical mind I know that very few have actually shown a sign of noticing.

“Yeah,” Hisao says, in response to my previous comment. “It does.” It seems like he doesn't want to focus too much on small talk, but at the same time he's as curious as I am to where we're actually going. “So,” he continues, “we're in the city. Any ideas on what to do?”

There isn't really a massive amount to do, except drink and eat, given the time of the evening, but a quick look at Akira suggests by her smile that she has something in mind. “You'll see,” she says. “Just follow us.”

I'm kind of not certain whether to trust her, but I follow my instinct and continue to follow. I assume Hisao had the same idea as he comes up behind us. Unless he just didn't want to get left behind. In any case, neither of us force the subject; we'll see when we get there.

As we walk, I notice that Akira and Lilly are getting further away, though the increasing distance is remarkably subtle. I'm honestly not sure if they are deliberately doing it to give Hisao and I some space, or if it's an unconscious reaction on our parts to get some more time together. I mean, an unconscious reaction on my part, since I'm almost certain Hisao doesn't see me in that way. Why else would he have left me in my room the way he did at the party? I'm lost in my thoughts when I suddenly collide with a well-dressed man to my side.

“S-s-sorry...!” It's not Hisao I bumped into, but rather a middle aged businessman, who is already stumbling away half drunk and half apologising to me in return. I'm not sure why, it was my fault after all, and I hardly deserve the apology in any case. I swiftly move further up to join Hisao, who has already taken several steps ahead whilst I recovered from the previous minor incident.

As I get closer, Hisao surprises me by bringing one hand across my right shoulder, pulling me closer. My heart beats a little faster and my skin starts to feel warmer as I fight the urge to pull away. “Hisao?” I say, looking up.

“It's okay,” he replies. “You can walk closer to me if you want.”

I can hardly allow myself to hope that he might feel that way about me, the way I keep on wanting him to feel, more and more. I can't see anything in me that would possibly give him reason to feel that way. Even so, after a brief pause I decide to take this chance, and I'm sure it is just a chance, and nod my head.

We carry on, much closer, with Hisao's arm still wrapped around my shoulders. Akira and Lilly are rather far ahead now, and so we quicken our pace to catch up. As we get further from the large crowds and head through a maze of streets to more secluded and quieter establishments, I feel much safer in Hisao's embrace, as if I can finally begin to face whatever challenges lie ahead. It's a vain hope, I'm fairly certain, but a nice one.

We start to slow down as Akira finally stops outside a small door, leading in to a bar currently occupied mostly by middle aged men and women in smart business wear, a few smokers lingering outside. I can't help but look at Lilly's face as she smells the smoke, the painful grimace marring her otherwise pretty features. Sometimes I consider whether her other senses are heightened given she's been blind since birth. Perhaps to compensate? I've never asked though, and she hasn't mentioned it. Even so, if it smells so bad to me then it must be horrible for her.

Emanating from inside, the soft sounds of jazz are clearly audible, promising a calm space within. I know I've mentioned this to Lilly before, my favourite kind of music, so I'm assuming she and Akira planned this together. Either that, or she just happened to mention it to her suit-wearing sister, and Akira did the rest. Whichever case applies, it's hard for me to take in that they've done this all for my benefit. It makes me feel like I'm being a burden in some ways, but in others it makes me feel just a little bit special, in the nicest possible way.

“A jazz club. I have to admit, this isn't what I expected.” I have to agree with Hisao's judgement on this one. Lilly, meanwhile, gives a tiny giggle and smiles in Akira's general direction.

“Somehow I feel like I should have known it, Akira.” So Lilly wasn't in on this as well? I know she arranged the evening in the first place, but I guess she left the fine details to her older sibling. A little bit of a surprise, but not a massive one.

As we chat I start to notice that without Hisao's arm around me I'm incredibly exposed. Passers-by look over at us, and I can't avoid the feeling that they're really looking at me, without quite looking. My rational mind tells me that it's because we're almost all a bit too young to be found in a place like this, but the dominant part of my brain maintains that it's me they're focused on. For all the usual reasons. I don't want to end up panicking here like I did in class before. I quickly glance at the others, Hisao more so than anyone else, hoping against hope that somebody will say or do something to ease the tension I feel.

“Hey, c'mon,” Akira says, unknowingly coming to my rescue. “Just because you're teenagers, doesn't mean you can't have a taste. Right?” Whenever she says something like that it makes me think that Akira got away with rather a lot herself as a teenager.

“Well... I don't really mind the music, if that's what you mean.” I'm not sure Hisao really grasps what Akira is trying to say, but I'm not going to correct him. Right now I'm more concerned with keeping myself sane and calm in the increasingly awkward atmosphere. Can't we just go inside already, or continue walking?

“I-I... don't mind it... either...” I decide to make my own little comment, if only to get my feelings across and push the others to make a decision. It's hard for me to speak and I can hear the stutter in my voice, but I don't want my nerves to get the better of me yet again. Especially not when Hisao is here. I can't even bring myself to meet his eyes, reverting to my usual staring at the ground as I speak.

My words must have had some effect though, as Akira beams a wide smile and enters the bar, Lilly following closely. I take a last look at Hisao before following him inside, eager to be away from the crowds on the street.

I can see now the source of the music, a live band playing on a makeshift stage in the corner to our right. Most of the patrons are at least in their forties, some a little younger, making me feel even more out of place even considering the bar is much less busy than the street was. Nevertheless, I can calm myself down a little, though some of that is forced, as the others here are engaged in their own conversations or listening to the band, and not so interested in my own features. I try to let myself drift away to the soft and delicate sounds, engaging with the music in a way that makes me feel relaxed and safe.

In the corner of my eye I see Akira, then Lilly, take seats at the bar, before the bartender walks across. “Good evening, ladies,” he says. “What will it be?”

Akira's response is hardly surprising to me, having known her for quite some time now. “Just a scotch, thanks. Lilly?”

“May I have a glass of cham-” Before Lilly can finish, my attention is fully grabbed by the sight of an elbow clad in a dark cotton blazer hitting her in the side. “Orange juice, please.” I almost laugh, but stop myself just in time. However, I still think Lilly heard my intake of breath.

“No problem, coming right up.” The bartender turns away and begins to serve the order, and I can't avoid a feeling of slight indignation that Akira has forgotten about Hisao and I. Not that I would speak up, of course. She turns swiftly, however, and mentions to us that it's our turn to head to the bar.

“You two want anything, or are you just gonna stand there?” she says, a mischievous grin on her face. I'm not entirely sure what to do. After the party I'm not certain I want to drink alcohol again, but surely I'll be able to handle it okay if I can moderate myself. That's assuming I could be served. I think Lilly would have been able to order her glass of champagne if Akira hadn't stepped in, so maybe that was more sisterly concern than anything else. Then again, I don't think I'd be able to get away with it myself. Even if the bartender were to serve me alcohol the other patrons would be bound to notice, and wherever we choose to sit it will be near someone whose eyes I just know will be drawn to my scars.

In the furthest corner to the entrance is a set of billiard tables. It also happens to be the only part of the bar that is deserted, the others all engaged in the music.

“We'll go play pool over there.” I guess Hisao saw them as well. His words appear to have been directed more at Akira and Lilly than to me, but he looks across at me first, perhaps to test my response? I was thinking the exact same thing in any case, so I have no objections. As Akira shrugs and turns back to her newly arrived drink, I begin to walk over to the tables. I can hear Lilly's response to the unstated comment as I leave them together.

“It seems you'll have to put up with only me for company. How unfortunate.” As I look back quickly, I see Lilly with a wide smile across her face, while Akira puts on a playful pout.

“Have fun, you two,” she replies, refusing to be drawn in. I continue walking as Hisao follows, something of a reversal to the events so far. A rare reversal for us indeed.

As we carry on I keep my eyes fixed on the table furthest away, Hisao close behind me. I have no idea what the painting on the wall is (truth be told it looks like something that girl at school, Rin Tezuka, would paint), but it hardly catches my attention as we weave our way through a multitude of chairs and drunken businessmen. I'm feeling calmer as we get closer, and when we finally reach our target I have the confidence to speak again. That being said, I probably should have asked Hisao this before.

“You... kn-know how to play?”

“I'm no expert,” he replies, “but yeah, I do.”

“Then, um... eight-ball?” It's a game I'm not only familiar with, but also pretty decent at, though having not played for some time I am a little rusty. I used to play eight-ball at the orphanage, albeit on a much smaller table, with a few of the younger children. Eventually one of the staff started playing against me during his spare time, and taught me how to get fairly good. Hisao responds with a simple “Sure”, and we work together to prepare the table for our game.

It seems like our interactions have mostly been revolving around games of some kind, from the silly and simple floor tiles game to chess and now pool. It's like a meeting of minds, and every game teaches me a little more about my opponent. About the boy who has just suddenly leaped into my life and refuses to let go. I wonder what our games have taught him about me?

I pass Hisao one of the two cues and he studies the tip, making sure it's chalked properly, while he makes idle chatter about the game. “So you've played before?” he asks me.

“Once... or twice. I j-just kind of... know the rules.” I feel bad by understating the level of skill I have, but I can be a bit competitive at times, and I don't want him to feel intimidated. I have no idea how good Hisao is at the game either, so we're effectively entering with equal information about each other's talent. It's interesting to think about what we might learn with regards to each other during our match. I pause, before finally ending the silence between us, since it's clear Hisao doesn't plan to. “Wh-who'll... b-break?”

A wait a few seconds before Hisao pulls a coin from his pocket. The obvious solution. “I'll take heads,” he says. “You're tails.” I nod my assent as he tosses the coin to catch it in one hand. A quick glance and the results are announced. “Looks like it's you that gets to break.”

I nod once more, take up my cue, and move to where the cue ball is waiting for me to take the first shot. I concentrate as I line up the position of the cue and the balls on the green velvet, getting into the same frame of mind I always try to reach when I play chess. I focus hard and push all other concerns away from my brain, before striking the pale sphere hard in its centre. The result is a wide spread of spots and stripes scattered across the table. I've given Hisao an easy chance to score here, but at the same time I too have a good position to work from.

I move back and allow Hisao to take his first shot. I watch as he sinks a ball with hardly any effort, but it's a little while before he notices it himself. “Well done,” I congratulate him. It's good to see him actually playing well, and I feel like this will be a fun game, even if I can't quite escape my competitive nature whenever we play any kind of game. Even on a night specifically geared for me to relax and put my many troubles behind me.

“Guess I'm stripes, then,” says Hisao. He steps aside for me to take the next shot, but I pause. I've barely felt able to really talk to him at any point, not properly, and there's still so much we don't know about each other, but that I'm too afraid to mention. I worry that if I tell him more about myself it will only serve to drive him away, to make him feel like I'm too much of a burden. I don't want to be any trouble to anyone, but it's as if that's all I've ever been, or ever will be. Even to Lilly...

Hisao startles me from my reverie. “What's up?” I quickly think of something to say, the stammer coming out in full force against my will. I'm not ready to talk about myself just yet. The night is still too early for that.

“It's just... you had a... n-nice smile. Do you like... playing this?”

Hisao lets out the briefest of sighs and leans against the pool table. “I like playing, yeah. I think I was smiling because it's really nostalgic, though.” I'm curious, as that's effectively the same reason I like playing this game too. I tilt my head, and it's clear that Hisao has picked up on my interest as he continues to speak. “Me and my friends used to play pool in the game centres near where we lived pretty often, and at night too.”

For me, I think night-time is a little easier, since in the dark no-one can see my face quite so easily. However, for someone who still has a family, who still has people who should look out for him, how could he spend time outside at night, and as often as Hisao describes? “W-wouldn't your parents...”

“My parents both worked, so they didn't mind me not being in the house. I stayed on top of schoolwork pretty easily as well, so there was plenty of time to do other stuff at night.” I'm not entirely sure what to make of that, having no real frame of reference. It's actually starting to sting a little, even though I know Hisao didn't mean to bring up such memories and thoughts in me. I like being able to talk to him about these things, but at such a time, and thinking about such topics, I don't want to dive too deeply down this particular rabbit hole. Not until I feel a bit calmer. Maybe I can discuss other personal matters later, but the talk of Hisao's parents is just making me a little uncomfortable.

He seems to sense this, and gets off the table, allowing me to take my next shot. I line up the cue carefully and allow myself to slip back into the focused state of mind I cultivated for chess and other games. It's not easy, but I think I can see an opportunity. It'll be a tough shot though. I lean forward, careful not to let my feminine assets knock any of the closer balls, and begin to calculate the angles in my head and the exact power that I need when striking to achieve my goals. It's an incredibly awkward angle, but a few practice movements make me more confident that I have the right position. A moment later and the cue ball is speeding towards its target, deftly passing between the surrounding balls so closely that you could almost swear the changing air pressure as the cue ball passes is enough to push them slightly. In any case, it's a tense atmosphere between Hisao and I as together we watch the spotted ball on the very edge of the corner pocket tilt, and slowly fall.

I'm actually surprised it went in, and Hisao appears to share my feelings here. “Man, that was a hard shot,” he says. “If you can pull that off, I don't think I have much hope.”

Personally I think he's being overly complimenting towards me, and overly critical of himself. Still, it's a nice feeling, to receive praise for something, especially as games are really the one area where I can say I ever deserve even a modicum of praise in the first place. “I'm not... th-that good...”

“It's not just the shot though; even when lining it up you looked really serious. You're like this with chess, too.” So he noticed that.

“I just... like those kinds of things...” I set my cue to one side and give Hisao a look. Not an awkward one, though. rather, on my face is an embarrassed smile. I fidget a little, wondering. Am I ready to say anything more about myself? There are parts of my past I haven't even told Lilly. Things that she's probably considered, and speculated on, and I don't feel I have the right to say anything on that, but certainly things she doesn't know for sure. If I do this, I'm taking a big leap, committing myself to whatever friendship or (dare I even imagine) relationship Hisao and I can cultivate. Am I really ready for this?

I'll never know if I don't try. It's the biggest step I've taken, and Miss Yumi would be proud of me for even considering this, but I have to do it.

“When I was in the orphange...” I've started, so I should carry on. No fear, Hanako. No fear... “I just... k-kept doing the things I liked... before.”

I pause briefly, and Hisao waits, looking at me patiently. “If I p-played games with the others, th-that was enough for the helpers there, so...” I break off, nerves starting to mount. However, I notice that I've stuttered a lot less than before. Much less than usual. It shocks me a little, that I could be so calm even for the briefest of moments with this...

“If it's okay for me to ask... what was it like for you at the orphanage?”

Hisao's question catches me off guard. “W-why do you want to know?” I sound more defensive than I intended to. Are my barriers coming back up? It's a struggle to stay open enough to be able to talk to Hisao like this, and keeping myself defended enough to be able to function in an environment like this. I backtrack a little and decide to answer. “I'll... tell you, but...”

“But...?”

In for a rin, in for a yen... “Could you... t-tell me who I-Iwa... n-nako... is?” I could feel the stammering there. I can't imagine ever being so bold before in my life.

Hisao looks puzzled for a moment, before he realises what I mean. “Iwanako...? Oh, the letter.” He pauses for a second before replying. “She's... someone I used to like.”

I feel the now familiar pang hit me, but force myself to stay calm and neutral. Hisao chose his words carefully, it seems to me. I have no idea how he feels about her now, but I don't want to get too deeply invested in the topic, given how personal a matter it must be. Clearly he doesn't want to talk about it. I'm just grateful that he deigned to reply in the first instance.

Hisao takes his next shot, and misses, though it's fairly close. My opponent is rather more skilled than I initially gave him credit for. We refrain from talking for a while, and I start to alternate once more between relaxing to the soft music and focusing carefully on the game.

“Nicely done,” and the silence between us is broken as I pocket another ball. I want to tell him more about me now. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, and this is probably as good a time as any to gauge just how Hisao feels about me. I don't look at him, though. Staring at the table only serves to make it easier for me to speak.

“The orphanage... was nice. It felt a bit like Yamaku does... and the staff were r-really kind. But as th-the years went on, I realised something. I was d-different.” I was wrong, it is harder, and as I continue the difficulty increases just as much as my determination progresses. If Hisao is willing to open up to me, then I have to do the same for him, and let him in. I push myself to continue.

“M-most of the children there were up for adoption, just like I was. But unlike me... they gradually left, o-one by one. By the time I went to Yamaku, I was... among the oldest children there.” The stammering is still noticeable, but I'm pushing it deeper down, desperate to rid myself of these feelings that have plagued me all this time, this sense of being unable to make my voice heard. “For a while, I h-helped with some of the y-younger children, b-but eventually...” I'm stopped by a hand on my shoulder.

The comforting feel of Hisao's touch brings me down from my rambling reverie, halting me in my tracks and providing sweet relief from my ongoing diatribe against myself.

“It's okay.” I wait, then nod and set my cue down.

“Do you... really think so?”

“Yeah, I think so. Even while Lilly's away, I'll be around to protect you, right?”

With this, I look deeply into his eyes. I don't need help, I need to be alone to suffer and to show that I can overcome my past. I don't want help, either. Even so, it's nice to hear the offer. I can't bring myself to tell Hisao how I really feel about being helped on this. I wonder what he's thinking now?

“Hanako...?” he asks, concerned about my silence.

“I-I understand. Thank you.” I smile and finally avert my gaze. As I start to look at the table, Hisao moves away to make his next shot. The final shot of the game, as it turns out. “Ah...”

He's sunk the eight-ball. An excuse to move away from the awkward topic... “That was an awful shot, you win,” he says, glancing at me. “It seems I'm getting pretty rusty after all this time.” It's getting late, so I hurriedly move to shoot every ball in turn, by means of the cue ball, and sink everything still left on the table, spots and stripes alike.

“Um, Hisao...” He's given me his confidence, and agreed to be there for me. Even if the help is undeserved, and to some small degree, unwanted, the offer itself and the sentiment behind it is more than welcome and more than appreciated. I avoid meeting his eyes as I say, “I'm... here for you as well...”

“Ah...” He makes to speak, but Hisao cuts himself off as soon as the sound escapes his lips. I hope he knows that despite everything, I am being sincere.

We tidy everything away in silence, in a manner reminiscent of our usual routine following tea and lunch, and grab Lilly and Akira as we leave the bar. The beautiful music fades away as we start walking to Akira's car, parked a long way away in the city streets. Though I'm not so certain she's in a fit state to drive home...

“So, you enjoy yourselves?” she says, carefully managing to avoid slurring any of her words. Hisao and I both smile at this, and reply with a shared nod that we did. We both notice, however, Lilly looking a little concerned.

“Worried about the trip, Lilly?”

She sighs and pauses before answering Hisao's question. “A little. It means quite a bit.” I'm slightly taken aback by the sudden hand that lands on Lilly's shoulder, despite it not affecting me in any way. As Akira tries to provide some kind of support for her sister, I feel just confident enough to weigh in with my own words.

“You'll be okay, Lilly. I hope you can enjoy your time over there.” Even if the reason for her going is hardly a cheery one.

“Thank you, Hanako. I'll try to.” Lilly faces in my general direction and a soft smile appears on her face. “It will be nice to be back with my family, after all, no matter for how brief a time it may be.” I can see a brief flash of something that seems to be approximating annoyance, or anger, on Akira's face, but she swiftly hides it and returns to the happy expression of before. I realise that she doesn't have quite the same feelings towards their parents as Lilly does, but I know better than to comment, especially given my own situation. Truth be told, I'm feeling a bit tired. It was nice though, to talk more to Hisao and to reveal a bit more of myself to him. As I discussed once with Miss Yumi, it will be a slow process, and it may never actually be complete, but certainly I can at least try.

Besides, there's so much more for me to tell Hisao about myself. Things that I can't bring myself to say today, but perhaps one day soon...

Ah, the Jazz Club scene. To me so, important. We learn so many things. And later scenes cast a different light on what was happening there. I think you handled this rather well Trivun. Although it's been long enough I can't remember what diaoluge choice led to what ending . Is the next chapter going to be short because it's just going to be the alternate choice?

Negativedarke wrote:Ah, the Jazz Club scene. To me so, important. We learn so many things. And later scenes cast a different light on what was happening there. I think you handled this rather well Trivun. Although it's been long enough I can't remember what diaoluge choice led to what ending . Is the next chapter going to be short because it's just going to be the alternate choice?

Thank you . And yeah, pretty much. I want to write all the endings anyway so it's easiest for me if I write the next chapter ending on a pause where Hisao is pondering what to do, and then I can write a follow-up chapter as one branch where he says to go into town at the start, and another chapter as another branch where he chooses not to go. In that way, it means I don't have to rewrite the same scene twice just to reach that branch, which would be boring to read (though easy to do with copy/paste)...

I've been following this one for a while (as a long-time lurker), and I must say I like the concept. A simple POV flip, and suddenly Hanako's route is fresh again. Any constructive criticism I may have had (this fanfic's been running for almost a year, so my memory's fuzzy) has been long addressed by this point, so. Good work.

When it comes to the writing, I like how you intoxicated the narrative with Hanako when she got drunk, the shift in her stream of consciousness was very authentic.

On the other hand, reading this, it's almost depressing to see how truly clueless Mister "Master of Romance" is, contrasting Hisao and Hanako's thoughts. Even if it's just a fanwork, it is implied in canon that Hanako is more observant than she ever lets on (and personally, from experience, I fully believe that.) It makes you wonder how differently Hanako's route, among the shortest in the VN, would have gone had Hisao and Hanako just been loud and clear to each other much more early on. This might be why there's so many fics of Hanako after stories, because their relationship only starts in the very end due to these misunderstandings. But I digress.

Touching briefly on the narrative shift, I'm halfway expecting the prose to start melting and dripping from my screen like it was undergoing a nuclear meltdown in the Bad Ending, man. Again, good work. Keep it up.